Tag: relationships

Tips for Hosting a Leader Christmas Party

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When this post drops, we are only a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, which means Christmas is just a little over a month away. For our ministry, Christmastime involves two big events: a Christmas party for our students and a Christmas party for our leaders.

I love both of these, but our leader party is by far my favorite because we get to do life with our leaders who are our friends and family. We get to celebrate what God has been doing, there’s good food, we give gifts to our leaders, there’s games and friendly competition, and time to celebrate the season together.

There’s a ton of work that we put into this to pull it off, but it is so worth it because it affirms and encourages our people, and it’s a special time to build into our community and show them how much they mean to us. However, that doesn’t mean that it needs to be a lot of work for you. Planning ahead, creating a memorable moment, and caring for your team are things you can do even without a budget or months of work. Today, I want to provide you with some key elements to consider implementing to make your leader Christmas gathering special and in doing so, help you plan ahead for a busy time of year.

Provide refreshments.

This could look a hundred different ways, but I would highly suggest having some type of refreshments at your Christmas party. This could be a full on meal, snacks, appetizers, or even a potluck. We have been asking students’ families to provide baked goods and appetizers for the past few years to resounding success.

We have simply put together a digital signup coupled with an email highlighting this past year and asking for supplies. This works best for us because it saves on finances and allows our leaders to see just how appreciative families are for the work and care they put into their students. You don’t need to incorporate our idea, but instead seek to implement whatever works for your ministry and your budget.

Incorporate what leaders enjoy.

This is a big part of making these moments special. If your leaders love to play games and compete, find ways to incorporate those types of activities. If they strongly dislike games, don’t play games or limit the amount of games to only one or two. I’ll be honest, we have found that our leaders enjoy more community than structured activities at our Christmas party, so we try to make our Christmas party more community-focused with time to fellowship, eat, and enjoy being together.

Share encouragements.

Encouragement is something I have striven to build into the schedule for our Christmas party because it helps leaders recognize their value and worth to our ministry and church. We highlight what we have seen God do in and through them. We look to highlight big God stories from throughout the year like baptisms, students following Jesus, students who have grown spiritually, and trips we have taken.

The reality is there can be hard moments in student ministry and it can be discouraging. Taking time to reflect and share encouraging stories and moments is so important to building up and showing your leaders the impact they are having.

Play together.

Earlier, I highlighted incorporating aspects that leaders enjoy and I mentioned that if they dislike games then don’t incorporate them. And you may read this point of “playing together” and question whether those two points are compatible together. And the answer is “yes.” Just because some leaders may not like games, that doesn’t mean you can’t play together; the two are not mutually exclusive.

You can incorporate activities that aren’t competitive or are more laid back like cookie decorating or gingerbread house building. You can play one game versus five. You can have fun by encouraging leaders to share stories from the past year that just made them laugh. Moments like these will help build the atmosphere and environment of celebration and fun into your Christmas party.

Build relationships.

This may sound like a no-brainer, but sometimes we need to be intentional in crafting opportunities to foster relationships among our people. This can be done in a variety of ways including how you set up seating, encouraging conversational moments, shaping the schedule to allow for intentional moments, and even stating that to your people. These times can be built in through a variety of means, but the key is making sure to do so. When you have these moments with your people it not only builds relationships at that specific time, but it also helps your team to draw together in ongoing ways and creates a stronger bond among your team.

Make the gathering special.

When it comes to moments like these where we are trying to bless and encourage our people, we need to make sure we are doing our best to make the gathering special. This can include how we decorate, bringing in environmental elements like cozy seating and decorations, having music playing, intentionally crafting a schedule that reflects the occasion, and giving gifts. These don’t need to be things that break the bank, but instead can be creative elements that bless your leaders and help them to know they are seen, loved, and valued.

Comforting Those Who Grieve

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History was made this last Tuesday with the presidential election. No matter which side you fall on, or if you’re one of the millions who didn’t fit neatly in any bracket, we have to admit there were countless firsts throughout the entirety of the election. At the end of the day, someone and multiple other people lost. That’s the reality of an election.

But this one, well, this one just felt different. For the winners they feel vindicated and as if the skewed power dynamic has been righted. For those who lost, they feel scared, betrayed, and worried for the future. It’s often in moments like these that the winners take a victory lap (typically on social media) and the losers share their fears and apprehensions (also on social media).

In years past, these moments of sharing have lead to horrific conversations, falling out among friends and families, people leaving the church, and much more pain and heartache. As I sat thinking through the events of this past week I must be honest and say my first thoughts were frustration and questions. But then my heart began to break because I feared what may cause my friends who are hurting to walk away from the church and Jesus. In an election cycle that wasn’t simply political and partisan, and instead leaned heavily into the church world we call home, it is hard to not see the pain and hurt that happens here in those spaces.

As Christians we have a biblical mandate to walk with those who are grieving and to not take a victory lap (pride goes before the fall). I’m not saying don’t celebrate, but instead think of others first. Be willing to see them as Jesus does and to stand in the gap with and for them. This isn’t something we should do only after the election–though I must admit that the results have been the catalyst for this post–but something we as the church should be known for in all moments! We have a calling, an obligation, and a command to walk with, care for, and love our hurting brothers and sisters. The question is how do we do that well? Today I hope to share just a few ways we can offer comfort to those who are grieving in any circumstance.

Listen first.

This is key to caring for others and often something that people struggle with doing. We are quick to offer suggestions, to look toward fixing things, or to try to solve the problem. But when we do that we don’t listen well, and if we don’t listen well, we don’t know how to care because we won’t truly understand. So make sure to simply listen and by listening look to care well.

Seek to understand.

This goes hand-in-hand with listening first. When you listen well you can understand what is happening. It’s often in moments of grief, pain, and loss that people will articulate how they are feeling and perhaps their view of God. They may not be theologically correct, but in moments of pain they are simply grappling with their emotional hurt and thoughts. So instead of looking to correct or offer the proper perspective, look to understand and see what they are feeling. When you listen and understand then you obtain the permission relationally to offer insight and perspective.

Engage in empathy and sympathy.

Our ability to show that we are with and for someone who is grieving is paramount to helping them process and heal. That means we need to show empathy and sympathy in those moments. Hurting with them. Understanding their pain. Relating with their feelings. For some this is easy but for others it’s difficult or uncomfortable, and much of this rests on our personalities. But regardless of where we fall individually, we must be willing to engage with these feelings.

When you can sympathize and show empathy, you’re helping to validate the hurting individual, showing you care and understand, and highlighting that you are a safe person. Think through what you say and don’t say, consider your body language, and understand how facial expressions play a role in these moments. When you consider those aspects you will find yourself engaging in more proactive and beneficial ways.

A word of caution though: don’t fake it and don’t pretend to understand when you don’t. Be honest in what you say and thoughtful in how you say it (i.e. you may not understand how they feel but you can say, “This grieves my heart and I am hurting for and with you.”)

Point toward hope.

Now I know what you’re thinking: of course we point them toward hope, it’s kind of our job! And yes, I hear you. We want to point people toward hope, but let me challenge you to be thoughtful and intentional in how you do this. There’s a reason I didn’t list this point first and it’s because we often jump into moments of grief with good intentions that often fall flat.

When someone is grieving the loss of a family member we might throw out 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18. When someone is wrestling with whether God cares, we throw out passages about Him caring for children or a poem about footprints. When people are wrestling with depression or anxiety and are grieving because they think God doesn’t see them, we hand them a passage about burdens being lightened. And yes, all these passages are true, and maybe taken a little out of context at times, but let me ask you something: is that what they need to hear right at that moment?

We serve a big God! A God who can handle our doubts, fears, questions, and even anger because He is God. And one of the best things you can do is allow people to express their tensions and then at the right moment to point them to the hope we have in Christ. This may not be right away, and that’s okay, but it must be a part of what we do in comforting them.

Walk with them.

This is one of the best things you can do when people are grieving. Stick with them. Check in on them. Follow up. When you do this, you are engaging in intentional, relational discipleship and you are showing that person they matter to you and to God.

This isn’t easy. Believe me on this. Depending on what people are walking through, how they are processing, and the depth of hurt, this can be a long and difficult road at times. But we are called to care for one another. To stand in the gap for those who need it. And to be the embodiment of Christ to this hurting world. When we walk with and stand for those who are grieving, we are living out the mission of Jesus.

Quick Tip: Appreciating Others

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So October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Did you know that? Or did you forget like me? That may be one of the reasons this post is dropping in late October and not earlier.

Now you may have read that and thought to yourself, “Nick, this post seems a little self-serving since you’re a pastor and you’re talking about appreciating people in the month of October.” I hear you on that, but please understand that isn’t the heart of this post. In fact, the point of this Quick Tip is to help us think about appreciating people we work with–our bosses, and our volunteers.

When we appreciate one another well, we are showing people that they are loved, valued, and seen. In ministry circles this is vitally important because there is so much that is given beyond the contexts and demands of a non-ministry job. You don’t really stop working. The calls, texts, and emails are always coming through. People show up at your home unannounced. The weight of what people are dealing with weighs on your shoulders and your family’s as well. The burnout rate for pastors and church staff is astronomically high. And let’s not forget that church staff often aren’t paid well and volunteers aren’t paid at all.

Phew. That’s a lot and we haven’t even hit all the pieces and realities of ministry yet. But when we feel that weight, think about the other people in your life who also feel that. Your volunteers, your staff, your supervisors, your wife, your kids. We may not always get appreciated, but we can appreciate others. Rather than say, “Nobody did anything for me in October,” what if we were the catalyst for change and it started by appreciating others first?

Today, I want to share some ways you can appreciate others and love them well all year long as we seek to care well for each other. Some are practical ways to do this and others are simply suggestions on what to think through.

Think about what you’d appreciate and use that as a metric for caring well.

Sometimes it feels like we just don’t know what to do or what to get for someone else. If you’ve ever struggled around Christmas or birthdays trying to get a gift or card for someone, you know exactly what I’m talking about. In those moments, pause and consider what would make you feel loved, valued, and appreciated.

It doesn’t have to be super specific, but if quality time is what you enjoy, consider taking the individual out for a cup of coffee and listen well. If you enjoy a good book, maybe get one for them (don’t be passive aggressive in choosing the book). If it’s something handmade, think about what you could make them. Using this as a metric will help you practically think through what you can do to appreciate others.

Don’t forget the families.

The reality of working in ministry is that it is often difficult. There are hard times that can wear on ministry leaders. But often, the unseen tragedy is how deeply this affects their families. Spouses carry that weight as they walk with their significant other and try to help them. Children often lose out on time with their parent(s) because the church pulls their parent away.

Ministry leaders can come home exhausted and quality time with their family takes a hit. Families often are all-in at churches and serve in a variety of ways, and never hear “thank you.” In moments like these, it is important to remember them and care well for them. Don’t forget the families. Love them and help them to know they are seen.

Utilize a handwritten note or card.

Sometimes finances are tight, we are in ministry after all. And we may think, “I have nothing to give. What can I do?” The power of a thoughtful handwritten card is undeniable. Think about the last time you got a letter in the mail. How did you feel? It’s exciting, it’s encouraging, it’s life-giving. Taking the time to write a note and encourage someone is extremely powerful and special.

Instead of a gift card, take them out and engage with them.

If you’re financially able, a great way to appreciate someone is not just giving them a gift card but taking them out for a meal or cup of coffee. This shows intentionality and a desire to know that individual. In those moments, we need to remember that the priority is listening to and engaging with the other person. Don’t dominate the conversation and listen well. Take this as a time to grow in your knowledge and relationship with that individual as you care well for them.

Give a personalized gift.

Are you the next contestant on Holiday Baking Championship? Are you crafty and good at creating things? Still got your sourdough starter going? Are you a gifted writer or artist? Sometimes the best gift is one you personalize because you put time and effort into making it for someone. I love to bake and make candles, and I see the joy and happiness those things bring when I share them with others. So think about your skills and hobbies, and ask yourself how you can turn those things into gifts to bless others.

Communicating with Your Significant Other

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Elise and I have been married for over eleven years, and both of us would say our communication has evolved since we first got married. I can speak from my perspective and share that my communication didn’t just get better but was more of a roller coaster. There were times I communicated clearly and authentically with a desire for the relationship to grow and flourish. But there have also been times where I haven’t been a great communicator. I would shut down, I wouldn’t share my emotions, and I wouldn’t communicate well overall.

The reason I share this is not to create a “poor me” mentality, but to share with you that I get it. Communication can be hard. Communication takes work. Communication is necessary. My desire today is to share some lessons Elise and I have learned about communication in hopes of giving you some resources and an opportunity to learn sooner than we did in certain areas.

I will also say this: learning healthy communication isn’t just for those with significant others. While this post is written to that group of individuals, these truths and pieces of advice can be applied to all relationships.

Make sure to spend time together.

Let me explain this because I think a large portion of us would say a resounding “we do” to this statement. And while you may spend quantitative time, is it quality time? Were there screens involved? Did you communicate? Was there intimacy (not just sex but true, holistic intimacy)? Was the conversation meaningful? Did each person feel seen, heard, and loved? When we can answer those questions in the affirmative, then we are truly spending intentional time with our significant other.

Listen well.

Listening is a skill and an art. It takes time, intentionality, and practice to listen well. Listen not to solve problems, but to understand and know the other person. When you listen in that way, it makes the time purposeful and not simply about finishing the conversation or righting the issue.

When there is conflict, be willing to engage with it.

Please hear me on this: I’m not advocating for seeking out conflict. Please do not run and try to find issues or problems to turn into a bigger issue. Instead, we all know that in every relationship there will be some type of conflict. Some minor and some major. How you deal with that conflict is paramount to helping your relationship heal and thrive.

Don’t run from the conflict, don’t dismiss it, and don’t attack the other person. Instead remember who the conflict is with: your best friend. Remember what the goal is: it isn’t winning, it’s thriving together as one. When you put things in perspective, conflict doesn’t have to be bad but instead can be handled well where each party communicates, is seen and heard, and resolution begins.

Be mindful of your tone.

Our communication can often be changed by our tone and approach to it. If we come to the conversation with an agenda or a specific attitude, that will be communicated toward our significant other. We also need to be aware of how and why we are saying the things we are communicating. Sarcasm, critical or accusatory words, or even manipulative comments can be extremely detrimental to the relationship. When you’re mindful of your tone, you are going to truly be able to communicate and care well for one another.

Share authentically.

For some reason couples don’t always share how they are feeling. Whether they don’t feel they can, are trying to avoid conflict, or don’t know how, we must be able to be authentic in how we communicate. We need to share feelings, both good and bad. We need to take off the masks and be honest with each other. We need to be vulnerable and receive vulnerability well from one another. When you share authentically and value your spouse when they do, you are creating a safe and healthy space for your relationship to flourish and grow.

Quick Tip: Have Fun

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There have been moments on a Wednesday night or Sunday morning for me when all I can see are the tasks, objectives, and the schedule. I can get hyper-focused on trying to get things accomplished and staying on task that I just lose sight of the bigger, more important aspects of student ministry. One of the things I can miss is “having fun.”

I can blame this on my personality (I am an I/C in the DISC) or a litany of other things, but I know the nights I miss out on the fun because it feels like things just didn’t work. When we miss out on the fun, we miss out on relational opportunities, conversations, and bridge-building moments with our students and leaders. When we have fun it makes us more approachable and relatable to our students.

It’s easy to get caught up with accomplishing all the tasks and focusing on any of a variety of circumstances that demand our attention. But should we miss having fun in our career and ministry, we will surely miss out on the beauty of what God has called us to.

So in thinking about having fun, here are few key things to remember:

  • Laugh often. Tell jokes, laugh at yourself (especially when you get spiked on in 9 Square), be willing play with your group, and smile often. The more you laugh, the more fun you’ll have.
  • Don’t take things or yourself too seriously. Yes, you are a leader and yes, you are entrusted with walking with your students and volunteers, but remember the relationships are key here. That means while you can take your job and calling seriously, you don’t need to do the same to yourself. Keep approaching students at their level, don’t be so pulled back they can’t relate, and be willing to just be a part of your community.
  • Be willing to be yourself. Students don’t want or need someone who isn’t being themselves or is trying to emulate another person. They want you, and you are unique and special. So bring your personality, your humor, and your joy to the table. When you can be you, you can truly have a blast!
  • Remember who you work with. Students are hilarious! If you didn’t know that, here’s a friendly heads up. They say and do things that are absolute hysterical, whether it was intentional or not. You never know what they will say or do and that leads to some memorable moments that will make you laugh (maybe even out loud).

Quick Tip: Know Your Leaders

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A while back I was challenged by a post a friend had written. The gist of the post was a reminder not to forget about people around you. Now let me stop there and have you consider something: do you see all your leaders? Do you include them all?

Now I know my knee-jerk reaction to those questions is “yes,” but if I’m honest with you I didn’t always, and I sometimes still miss things. Let me give you an example. Ask yourself this question: do all your leaders drink coffee? If not, should you invite them to meet up “for a cup of coffee?” If not, do you provide alternatives for them when coffee is present (i.e., at meetings, training, leader lounge, etc.)?

Again I hear you on this one. It seems like such a small thing, but truly what is at the heart of this matter is knowing your leaders. When you know them, they feel known and seen and loved. The key is not just seeing them as volunteers but getting to know who they are and doing life with them.

Start by getting to know them. Hang out with them. Grab dinner, a beer, coffee or tea. Take a group outing together. Host a leader game night. Sit with them at church. These moments help you truly know them and foster meaningful relationships.

Create a leader questionnaire. I know this may seem a little clinical, but if you have a larger volunteer team this could be a great way to find out helpful information. Ask questions like:

  • What’s your favorite candy bar?
  • If I got a gift to this restaurant, I’d be really excited:
  • My favorite cold weather drink is…
  • When some does (fill in the blank) I feel seen and loved.
  • What food allergies do you have?
  • How can we pray for you?

Make sure to regularly check in with your leaders. Whether it’s a text, meeting up once a month, grabbing a bite out, or writing them a note, letting your volunteers know you care by checking in helps them to know that they are loved and cared for through an intentional and thoughtful moment.

Another key piece of knowing your leaders is knowing their food allergies. I have a few leaders and an intern who are highly allergic to nuts. A simple way of showing we know our leaders is we don’t put out anything with nuts at training, and if we do gift bags with candy in them we get them special items that don’t have nuts. But it isn’t just people with nut allergies we should be thinking about. There are people who can’t have gluten or dairy, people with allergies to shellfish (but on what youth ministry budget), people who can’t have soy. If you find out this information, you’re going to help people who often feel dismissed or forgotten feel loved and seen.

Lastly, regularly ask them how they are doing and how you can pray for them. Sounds simple right? But this is a huge part of you knowing and caring for your leaders. When you can ask them how work has been, how their family is doing (bonus if you know the names of their family members), what they have been doing to breathe and pause, how their relationship with Jesus is, and how you can pray for them, your leaders are going to feel so appreciated and known. But don’t just ask the question, make sure to actually follow up as well. Don’t let this just be a check mark on the board, but be intentional and make sure that you engage further.

Quick Tip: Admitting When You Mess Up

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Alright, I’ll admit it. This last week I made a huge goof. Earlier in the summer we let all of our leaders know when our fall training would be and many of them were excited because we had reserved an amazing offsite venue. It is perfect and it meets all of our needs.

But here’s the problem: I gave my team of volunteers the wrong date. I actually told them it was a week later than when we had reserved the location. When I realized my mistake (which was way too late) I hastily fired off a text saying I sent the wrong date and here’s the correct one. But I did so with less than a week’s notice. This ended up frustrating many of our volunteers, it meant multiple leaders couldn’t attend because they specifically reserved the previous date on their calendars, and it caused a lot of tension and questions.

Long story short, we ended up working with the venue and we were able to keep our original training dates but not without me causing a lot of unnecessary tension and frustration. I messed up, and I know that in the big scheme of things it wasn’t that big of an issue, but I still messed up and it caused people to have frustration and tension. So I knew I had to apologize. I had made a mistake, multiple ones in fact, and I needed to own that.

And you know what happened? My leaders understood. They laughed about it. They poked fun at me in loving ways. They showed up to training. They still love our ministry and students. They are still serving.

Here’s the thing though: when it comes to mistakes, we as leaders need to live out what Jesus commands us to do and that is to seek forgiveness when we mess up. Yes, even we as leaders mess up, we aren’t immune to that. When we mess up we must take ownership and lead out of humility and a willingness to admit our wrongs. A good leader is one who will admit when they mess up and seeks to right the wrong.

Now please hear me in this: I am speaking in broad terms. We must always lead from a posture of humility and seek forgiveness when we mess up. But there are also times when we need to submit to authority over us because of our wrong and regardless of what we have done, face the consequences.

We are still broken people who are trying to lead as God has called us, but we aren’t immune from making mistakes, both small and large. Look to model Christ’s approach to leadership and you will find that when it comes to admitting wrong and seeking forgiveness, while it may not be easy, you’ll be more comfortable and willing to do so.

All that to say, the greatest two words you can ever utilize in ministry are, “I’m sorry.” Don’t be afraid or unwilling to use them.

Quick Tip: Connecting with Your Audience

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When it comes to public speaking we must recognize that while God has gifted us to connect verbally with others, there is also a craft and skill set that comes with it. Any communicator who has been active for a long period of time knows the benefits of connecting with an audience as this will help in effectively communicating God’s Word to those with whom we are engaging.

As communicators of the Gospel we have an obligation to communicate truth and to help our audience not only understand but also apply that truth to their lives. Being able to connect with our people helps our message take root and grab ahold of their hearts and help to transform their lives.

So what are some effective ways to connect with your audience?

Know who you’re communicating with.

Whether you’re speaking to your youth group, at a retreat or camp, or in a church service, the more you know about your audience the better suited you are to connect with them and connect the Gospel to their lives.

Be personal.

Sometimes speakers just come to speak. And while that may be fine in certain environments, we can look at some of the great communicators throughout history and see that being personal helps to connect with our audiences. This is especially true when communicating with younger generations and new environments as it makes you real and relatable.

Tell stories.

Stories are a great way to connect with your audience because they can help to make truths understandable and provide insight into how to apply them. When you tell stories always be courteous, intentional, and clear in how you tell and the point(s) you trying to make. (Read more on storytelling here.)

Use props.

Let me be clear here: use props intentionally. Don’t use props just to have something on stage with you or if it’s a weak connection to your point. A prop should always be something that intentionally connects to the message and will help the audience remember what you were communicating.

Be yourself.

Don’t try to be a replica of another preacher, communicator, or influencer. Be who God designed you to be and let Him work in and through you as you communicate.

Have fun.

One of the best things you can do when attempting to connect with your audience is to have fun. Smile, laugh, be engage with your material, relate to the audience, and be willing even laugh at yourself. Having fun helps you to relax and helps your audience see you as an authentic communicator who is more than just another talking head.

5 Tips for Conducting a Review

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How do you feel about reviews? You may have read the title to this post and thought, “I’ve never had a review before!” Or perhaps your thoughts were more along the lines of, “Reviews suck, and I am always blindsided by them.” Or maybe you thought, “I’ve never given a review before and it’s never been modeled for me.”

Reviews, well, they get mixed reviews (pun intended). Some people love them and others hate them. For some it fills them with dread and for others they long to finally have one. The reality is that reviews in and of themselves are neutral. It’s what we do with them that allow them to be positive or negative, both in how they are executed and in how they are received.

Today’s post is all about helping you think through how to give a productive review to your team member(s). And even if you don’t have a paid staff, you can use these insights to help you proactively walk with, encourage, shape, and disciple your volunteers and even your student leaders.

1. Reviews should never be a surprise nor should the content.

I don’t know how your reviews have gone but I’ve sat in several where something is shared that completely caught me off guard. Sometimes it was positive and sometimes it was negative. But when those moments happen it can often feel surprising, isolating, debilitating, and even make us doubt our calling and career.

Whatever you share should be things, goals, challenges, and feedback of which your teammate is already aware. Reviews aren’t an opportunity to dump some new critique or rebuke but instead an opportunity to facilitate growth, empower your people, highlight achievements, and help them develop their skills and ministry.

2. Review the year and set goals.

Another aspect of giving a review is doing exactly what it says: reviewing the past year or set time frame. When you take time to look back and review the year you can focus in on victories and celebratory moments, and you can highlight areas where growth is needed. It also allows you to think and dream about what the next year will hold, which gives you the structure for setting and implementing goals. Goals are a great way to provide focus, intentionality, and mission to the review and to help your teammate grow and excel in their position.

3. Allow the review to be relational.

I have sat in too many reviews that have felt clinical. It’s felt one sided and as if the reviewer didn’t even know me as an individual or ministry partner. That isn’t how a review should be. Yes, there are aspects of you being the supervisor and the person being reviewed an employee, but that shouldn’t remove the intentional relational component.

You should be a shepherd in your entire role and that includes when you review people. You should still seek to love and care for them, to understand and hear them, and to be for them. When you approach the review from a relational perspective you have helped both sides to flourish.

4. Communicate care and growth.

Part of giving a review is being honest: honest in what they have done well and honest in helping them to see growth areas. This isn’t always easy and it can feel kind of crappy at times, but if you truly care about your teammate you want to help them flourish and grow. So even as you identify growth areas, do it from a position of love and care. Don’t be accusatory or aggressive, instead highlight what you have seen, how you care for them, and a path to flourishing.

5. Pray for them.

This is a big piece that I’ve been incorporating into my reviews over recent years. When a review is relational and personal, seek to care for your teammate in a holistic way. Ask how they are doing, what has gone well for them over the past year in ministry and personally, ask what has been difficult, seek to understand how you can shepherd them better, and then ask how you can pray for them. Inviting them into the process and showing that you love and care about them makes this review much more relational and allows you to truly care for your people.

Quick Tip: Finding Community

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Last week we kicked off the Quick Tip series and we talked about the importance of community. But that very tip begs us to ask a follow up question: how do we find community? Or maybe we should be asking a second question of where do we find community?

Community is something that we were all created for by our communal God. The very fact that God is three in one shows us that He is not only designed for community but the epitome of community. He is the very definition of community and when He created humanity in Genesis, He created us for it as well.

With that being said, community can often be difficult for those of us in ministry. We are often surrounded by people, but ministers often feel the most unknown or unseen. Everyone knows us and considers us their friend, but it can often be difficult to find friends ourselves.

With that being said we must remember that without effective and meaningful community we cannot be effective in our calling. So how and where do we find community? Let me share six quick ways we can do this.

1. Participate in a small group at your church where you are not the leader and can just be yourself without expectations.

2. Join a cohort or coaching community.

3. Utilize Facebook groups and other social media networks to not only find online community but community that physically gathers together.

4. Build friendships with your neighbors.

5. Find local groups, organizations, and opportunities in your community.

6. Participate in a youth worker network.

What are some ways you’ve found community in your life and ministry?