Tag: Staff

Trip Tricks: Crafting a Packing List for Students

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As you plan different trips throughout the year, it is imperative to share a packing list with students and families to help them prepare for the specific trip they will be going on. Each trip and location is unique and they will most likely provide you with site- and trip-specific items you need. Think winter gear for a winter retreat and work gloves and boots for a mission trip.

But what are some packing list items that transcend trip types and can be utilized across the board? I’m so glad you asked because that is the focus of this post. The items shared today are meant to be repurposed from trip to trip so you don’t have to rewrite the same list over and over, but instead can add trip-specific items as needed.

Sleeping bag or sheets.

No matter where you take students, the reality is they will most likely need bedding of some kind. Mattresses may be provided but typically there are no sheets nor blankets. So reminding students to bring a sleeping bag or twin-size sheet set is imperative to helping them have a great trip.

A pillow.

Yes, could have put this with the sleeping bag and sheets, but I have found that students miss this item if it is not listed separately. Students tend to forget a pillow more often than not and giving it its own item line is key to helping them see it and remember it.

Clothing.

Each trip will require trip-specific clothing (think work clothes or winter gear), but there’s always typical clothing that will be needed on each trip. Encourage your students to pack sleepwear, clothing for activities (think gym games or outdoor activities), casual clothing for just hanging out, swimsuits when applicable, and clothing for any competitions, theme nights, or group activities.

Shoes.

Similar to the pillow addendum, students are prone to forgetting their shoes. And not just for a specific activity but all shoes except for the ones on their feet. Which given the time of year, those shoes (like Crocs and slides), will not be appropriate for the various activities at the site you’re going to.

So, when it comes to shoes, highlight which ones they need to bring. Think about shoes for various activities like shower shoes, gym shoes, slides, casual shoes, snow boots, work shoes, shoes for outdoor activities, and whatever else is necessary for your trip.

Toiletries.

As much as I’d love to think toiletries are basically understood, I’ve worked in student ministry for too long to believe that. And I’m guessing you may have too.

Helping students remember things like soap, shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, a toothbrush, medicine, and towels and washcloths makes a huge difference when you’re going on trips. It’s also a good idea to encourage your students to bring a shower caddy or gym bag if they need to utilize a bathhouse or shared bath area.

Bible, pen, and journal.

When you’re going on a retreat, to a camp, or on a mission trip, typically you will have someone sharing some sort of message or devotional. You will probably be encouraging your students to do devotionals or a quiet time as well. Reminding them to bring these supplies on the trip helps to ensure they are prepared to fully engage with the trip.

A water bottle.

This is absolutely necessary regardless of what trip you’re taking students on. Making sure they are staying hydrated is important no matter the temperature outside, and encouraging them to bring their own water bottle along is incredibly beneficial.

One of the best things you can do as a trip leader is to ensure you have some stock piles of these items that you can take on a trip with you. I’m not suggesting that you bring along an entire store and medicine cabinet with you, but to have some back-up supplies is never a bad thing.

We typically take a small tote on trips that are closer to home (within a few hours’ drive) and a couple of small bags for longer trips or when we are flying. Another thing to be aware of is how close the nearest Walmart or supermarket is in case you need to make a quick pickup.

Planning well means preparing for your students to forget some things, but also equipping them with all the resources you can to help them succeed. That means having a proper and trip-specific packing list for them. Preparing ahead of time will help alleviate future stress and issues as you lead your team in whatever trip you’re heading out on.

Quick Tip: Empower Others to Teach

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This past week I didn’t speak at youth group and I’m not speaking this coming week either. Not because I don’t want to or because I’m not available. I’m not speaking because we have sought to empower our leaders by letting them use their gifts to teach our students.

In fact, this last week one of our leaders shared a lesson on dating and it was honestly one of the best I’ve heard shared at a youth group in a very long time. He connected with all of our students, was honest and vulnerable, gracious, and gave some tangible applications and questions for students to think through in small groups and beyond.

If I’m being honest, I had a proud “dad” moment when I listened to him teach. He was fully capable, equipped, and gifted in his teaching and I would be happy to have him teach at any time.

The truth we need to wrestle with is this: releasing the pulpit can be hard for the leader of any ministry. Whether you’re a youth pastor or senior pastor, there’s a piece of us that wants control for a variety of reasons.

It could be because we were hired for this purpose and it’s in our job description. It could be because of some pride or control issues. Or maybe there’s a piece of us that doesn’t trust others who don’t have the education or experience that we do.

But by allowing those aspects to control us, we are missing out on the opportunity to empower our leaders to utilize their gifts and abilities. What we need to do is share the stage with others and encourage them to step into the roles and opportunities God has given them.

For ministry leaders, that means you need to identify, equip, empower, encourage, release, and coach your people. When you see potential in others and you equip, empower, and encourage them they will begin to grow and flourish in their gifting and put their gifts into action. Then you need to release them to fully use their gifts as you continue to walk alongside them and coach them along the way.

Not only does this encourage and empower your team, it also generates buy-in from your leaders as they understand that they are not just a number or warm body and instead are seen as a partner in ministry. This is also beneficial for your students because people will hear the same things differently from different people.

You could teach a lesson and have little engagement. A week later one of your leaders could teach the same lesson and there could be a flood of positive feedback. That isn’t to say your message wasn’t good or beneficial, but your students heard it differently from a different voice and that is a huge asset to your ministry.

Another benefit to empowering others to teach and lead is that it releases that from your shoulders and allows you to engage in different ways. I know when one of our leaders speaks, I’m freed up throughout the program to engage and build relationships without the distractions of thinking about what I’m teaching on. It also affords me more time in the week to plan ahead, meet with people, and work on side projects that need to get done. This is a win-win for both sides.

At the end of the day, having a variety of voices sharing and teaching within your ministry is one of the greatest assets you have at your disposal. The question you need to wrestle with is this: will you release control and empower others to step up and lead beside you?

Take Time to Invest in Your Community

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Every Thursday night in the spring, summer, and fall, Elise and I play volleyball that’s hosted through a local community organization. What started as a simple invite through some neighbors who became friends has turned into a weekly event with friends that we look forward to!

It’s not just playing volleyball on Thursday, it’s going out afterward, hosting barbecues, grabbing dinner, and sharing life with our friends and teammates. Multiple team members have lived or do live in our neighborhood and we hang out on different holidays and at our neighborhood yard sale.

What seemed to be just a random opportunity to play sports has turned into something much more: an opportunity for us to be a part of our local community and invest in relationships outside of the church.

Building and maintaining community is important for each of us, but it is also important for us to be pouring into our local community. In as much as we should seek to grow and flourish through personal relationships, as Christians we also have an obligation to engage with our communities and bless them.

We are called to be stewards of this world and all God has given us, to care for our neighbors, and to love others well. This is mutually beneficial as the benefits of community go both ways. This is essentially soul care for you and the community as this helps you to grow and flourish and does the same for your community.

My encouragement for you is that you find intentional ways to engage with your community, and I wanted to share a few ways we have done so to hopefully spark some ideas for you to build your community.

Adopt a local restaurant.

This is something we did unintentionally but we’ve seen the fruit of it. We have a local pizza shop that was our first meal when we moved to Pennsylvania. And it was a great first meal. So much so that we have continued to go there a little too frequently.

They know my name and my usual order. Sometimes they throw a free pizza my way and they even gave me one of their 50th anniversary shirts that they only gave to staff.

We love this place and we see it as a missional opportunity. We take them cookies during the holidays, bring friends to it, and seek to get to know the staff. It’s been a blast getting to know them and laugh with them as we share more of our lives together.

Invest in community organizations.

Are there local PTOs you can join? What about a neighborhood group like your local HOA? Have you considered a community enrichment group for your town or city? Is there a local pastors network or ecumenical group you could join? Each of these afford you an opportunity to invest in your community through powerful and intentional ways.

Bless your schools.

Finding ways to encourage your schools, students, and teachers is a great way to invest in your community. You could drop off donuts and coffee periodically. You could be a mentor, tutor, or after-school support for students.

Becoming a substitute teacher affords you interactions with students and staff that are a part of your community. If you have a CDL you could drive school buses or if you don’t you could become a crossing guard. All of these options allow you to intentionally connect with your community in highly relational ways.

Deliver cookies at the holidays.

This is one of my favorite things to do because it reminds me of my childhood and it taps into one of my favorite hobbies: baking.

We take cookies to our neighbors, our local pizza shop, our chiropractor, and a variety of other locations. It’s always a blast to see people get excited about homemade cookies and it starts some amazing conversations. This can easily become a tradition and one that reaps awesome benefits as you invest in the community.

Join a local sports group.

A couple years back, we were invited to join our local volleyball team and we have loved it. It’s afforded us new opportunities, new friendships, and a unique way to get to know our community better.

There’s tons of local opportunities to join sports groups whether a swim club, a pickleball group, softball teams, or even a running club. These are great opportunities for networking and community connections.

Host a bbq in your neighborhood.

A great way to invest in your community is to invite them over for a bbq or potluck. You can start small and invite a handful of neighbors over by simply getting to know them while you’re out and about.

Go beyond a simple “good morning” or “hello” when you see your neighbors and get to know them a little more. That helps remove the awkwardness of a cold ask and it builds relational connection.

When you invite people over you could ask them to bring something or you could provide the essentials if you’re able. You could even host a dessert and game night which is more appealing for people of different generations.

Planning Ahead: Spring Kickoff

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Our normal rhythm for programming around Christmas and New Year is to take two weeks off as the majority of our students and families are either celebrating, traveling, or both. Combine that with Thanksgiving and the traditional rhythm will be askew for a couple of months.

So when we come back in January, we kickoff the spring semester with a celebration and unique flair. The purpose is to welcome students back, get them excited for the new semester, have a lot of fun, and to provide an easy opportunity for them to invite their friends too.

In order to accomplish this and to do it well, it is highly important to begin planning this well in advance. If your ministry functions in the same manner, I want to share with you ways you can begin preparing for that event now.

Figure out the main draw.

You need to think through each element of your event, but knowing what the main draw is allows you to clearly shape the event and communicate effectively. Simply telling your students to come to a spring kickoff without any details or reason leaves them wondering if they should and if they should invite their friends.

Students don’t want their friends to be bored, disappointed, or apprehensive about coming to church, so giving them information about the event is key. This also allows you to utilize your vision and purpose for your ministry in how you shape the event.

When you allow the identity of your ministry to inform what the main draw is, it further reinforces your vision and helps your students, families, and leaders have more buy-in.

Build out the schedule.

Having a schedule and flow for your event is key. Not only does this help you figure out the timing of everything, it gives structure and guidance to your team.

It’s important to know where things will take place and for how long, to know what is happening and when. Doing this allows the event to flow smoothly and effectively as you have planned and prepared well ahead of time.

Prepare your leaders.

When you’re thinking through your spring kickoff, make sure to bring your leaders into the planning process. If there’s aspects they can contribute to, ask them to help.

If there’s a specific action leaders need to take prior to the kickoff (i.e., downloading a specific app, bringing a dessert, arriving a little early, managing a game or activity, etc.), make sure to prepare them well in advance and be willing to help them if needed.

Recruit when needed.

If your event requires additional hands or more leaders, recruiting earlier is always better and it alleviates last-minute panicking. It’s always better to be prepared ahead of time instead of trying to find someone the day or week before an event. This could include recruiting people to serve food, welcome students, manage stations, or pitch in wherever you need to additional support.

Utilize students.

We have a student band that has just recently been formed and it has been received with a lot of excitement. In order to help them succeed and for the event to go well, we want to bring them into the planning process and ask them to lead worship. But with students being as busy as they are, it is highly important to bring them into the process and planning as early as possible.

Quick Tip: Caring Well for Your Volunteers

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Caring for your volunteers is something the majority of youth workers know they should do, but it isn’t always the easiest to accomplish. Life and work get busy. We don’t always follow up. We miss key moments.

But being busy shouldn’t be an excuse to not care well for our people. I would argue that if we are too busy to carve out time to care for our leaders, our priorities are probably out of order.

As disciples of Jesus we are called to model our lives after His. And if we look at what Jesus did in the midst of busyness, we see that He made time not only for His disciples but also for the “least of these.”

Jesus welcomed the children to himself when others tried to shoo them away. Jesus stopped to talk to the sick, hurting, and forgotten. He took time away from all the busyness to care for and pour into His disciples.

If that’s what Jesus did, shouldn’t we do likewise? We need to prioritize caring for our people and that means restructuring our schedules and priorities. It doesn’t mean not doing your job or not meeting the requirements of your position. It means putting things in their proper order and making sure you are loving and caring for your people.

So how do we do that well? Here’s a few practical steps you can take to care well for your people.

Ask questions.

I am convinced that we cannot know and therefore cannot care for our leaders if we don’t ask questions. When we ask questions we show intentionality.

I’m not advocating for hammering your leaders with deeply personal questions at youth group. But engage with them appropriately at appropriate times.

Check in and follow up.

This something that shows our intentionality and care because it’s not just asking questions but showing we are invested by following up and checking in.

We can see how our leaders are doing, if circumstances have changed, if they need anything, and what we should continue to do. When you follow up and see how they are doing, it communicates love and care that goes beyond a simple “how are you” at youth group.

See them.

Being intentional when your leaders are present is huge. Letting them know they are seen and loved is paramount to caring for them.

Yes, you should be focused on your students, but you should also be focused on your leaders and how they are doing. They are not just warm bodies but people with whom you share life. So see them, engage with them, and let them know they are valued.

Cover the tab.

Paying is a practical way of showing care when you go out with your leaders. Cover their coffee or their meal. It doesn’t have to be all the time, and of course make sure to do it within your budget and your means. But if you’re able to cover the tab periodically for them it shows love and care in a tangible way.

Pray with them.

This is something that I think we can say we will do in passing when we engage with our leaders. But I know there are times I can forget to do it.

Instead, I’d encourage you to actually pause and pray with them in the moment and then continue to pray in coming days. When we see our people and engage with them in personal and spiritual ways like this, it communicates the love and care we have for them.

Prioritize them.

Leaders are the reason we are able to do what we do. Without them, many of our ministries would not be able to function, nor care well for our students.

That means we must intentionally focus on loving and caring for our leaders throughout the week. That means prioritizing them and their needs. We don’t dismiss or devalue our students, but instead do our best to love and care for our people so they can help love and care for our students.

How do you care well for your leaders?

Planning Ahead: Christmas Parties

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School has just started back up for our students, and it may seem a little early to start talking about Christmas. It still feels like summer here in Pennsylvania. But remember that once the back to school advertisements end, we need to be prepared for Christmas adds to start dropping—whether it’s commercials, ads online, or walking through stores and seeing Christmas displays slowly popping up.

With that in mind, we need to look ahead to the Christmas season and all that entails for student ministries. One of the big events that student ministries typically look toward at Christmas time are Christmas parties. It’s important to begin thinking through the essential details so you can start planning now and purchase your items ahead of time.

So what do you need to start planning?

Communication.

When you figure out your Christmas party well ahead of time, you are able to communicate this to your students, leaders, and families so they can coordinate their schedules and make sure they can attend.

It also allows you to build anticipation and excitement about the party among your students, which in turn allows them to share that information with their friends so they can invite them along to the party.

The theme and feel for your party.

Are you doing a white elephant gift exchange? Is everyone wearing an ugly Christmas sweater? Is the party more casual or more structured?

Whatever you decide to do, picking a theme and feel ahead of time allows you to begin preparing and shaping the party now. You can start thinking through activities and games, purchasing supplies, and enlisting the help you need.

This also allows you to think through your schedule and where you’d like different elements to be. You will also able to intentionally shape this event and its elements to reflect your ministry’s vision.

Timing.

When it comes to special events the schedule may be different to accommodate your plans. You may start earlier or go longer than normal.

As you think through your event, it’s important to figure out any timing changes so you can communicate that out to families well in advance. Figuring out your event timing also allows you to build structure and organization into your plans to make sure you have enough time for what you’re seeking to do.

Special elements.

These types of events have special elements to them. Whether it’s a gift exchange, some sort of costumes, worship, a guest speaker, unique snacks, or a special theme, competition, or prize, when you think well ahead of time it allows you to get more creative with what you are doing.

Games and supplies.

Once your schedule is finalized and you know what games you will be playing or activities you’ll be hosting, you can begin purchasing supplies.

Typically, holiday supplies are more expensive during the holidays. Buying holiday supplies outside of the holiday schedule means you may actually be able to save some money and find some deals. So building out your games and activities ahead of time helps you to be more creative and proactive with your budget.

Snacks.

Snacks at Christmas are always special because they help evoke the holiday spirit and make your event feel special. If you know what you’re doing for snacks ahead of time, you can do some unique and special things for students.

You could ask people in the church to bake cookies, which as a baker the more time you have to prepare the better. You could purchase supplies to decorate your own Christmas cookies or gingerbread people. There’s the classic hot cocoa bar that you could make into a build-your-own extreme cocoa. You could do breakfast for dinner or even a Christmas dinner depending on the size of your group and your budget.

Quick Tip: 5 Things You Should Never Say at Youth Group

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Working with students means you need to be mindful of what you say because students are always listening whether or not they seem like it. As leaders of our youth groups, we have an obligation to steward what we say and care well for our students through our words.

With that being said, I want to share with you five things you should never say at youth group. Some of these may make you chuckle and some are more serious. My hope is that this short list helps us all to be more intentional and thoughtful with our words as we seek to lovingly lead and disciple our students.

1. “Where is everybody?”

Nothing tells your students who do show up that they don’t matter more than that statement. There are always times when youth group will feel and be smaller than normal. But when we say things like “no one is here” or “where is everyone,” the students who do show up feel like they don’t matter.

Instead, we should acknowledge the students who are present, reach out to the ones who weren’t to let them know they were missed, and create a missional vision that challenges students to be ambassadors for the kingdom of God wherever they are.

2. “My spouse is so hot.”

Look, everyone who is married is attracted to their spouse. I get it! But we don’t need to awkwardly flex that to our students.

There’s a ton of purity culture indoctrination within those flex moments (think of the adage “if you stay pure God will bless you with an attractive spouse and amazing sex”). It also creates an unhealthy understanding of a relationship that is solely rooted in looks. That can cause all sorts of harm for students who struggle with body image.

It also makes things super awkward for your spouse because now they are being objectified not just by their partner but an entire youth group.

3 “Shake it off, you’ll be fine.”

As your career in student ministry progresses, you will undoubtedly deal with all types of injuries from minor scratches and boo-boos to the more severe kind that involve hospital trips and phone calls. In between those two categories are multiple types of injuries that we may be inclined to simply say, “you’re fine, rub some dirt in it.”

But the reality is we should treat every injury with importance, care, and appropriate response. It should be noted that the level of care and response will change depending on the severity of the injury. Don’t assume that a student who fell and hit their head is okay just because they say so. When a student complains about a twisted ankle don’t just toss them a couple Advil without checking it and consulting parents.

Part of being a shepherd to students is caring well for them, even when their mistakes or lack of maturity and body control cause injury.

4. “That sounds dumb” or “I don’t understand you.”

Have you ever had a student share a hobby or interest with you that just baffled you? We all have had one of those students who has been so into something it just makes you scratch your head and wonder what is happening.

Maybe you’ve had someone who is really into juggling, a student who love LARPing, or a student who just loves lifting and protein way more than they should. I know I’ve had quite a few students who have loved different things that have left me wondering what I just heard about.

But here’s the thing: if we dismiss that student or their interest, we are devaluing them and telling them they don’t have a place in youth group and the church because they have weird or unique interests.

5. “Read your Bible and pray more.”

I know we are looking to help our students grow and develop solid spiritual rhythms and maturity. And that means that yes, we should encourage them to read their Bibles and pray.

But when students come to us with difficulties, struggles, and issues in their lives, our response should not be to passively dismiss it by telling them to read the Bible more and to pray harder. Instead we should listen, help them process, create an action plan, and take the necessary steps to help them in those moments.

These are not singular moments in time, but more often than not, long term engagements that involve actively walking with and caring for your students.

What else would you add to our list of things you shouldn’t say at youth group?

5 Tips for Intentional Leader Training

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We just wrapped up our fall student leader training and we are so excited for how it went and all God is going to do this year.

Historically, our leader training sessions weren’t always successful, nor were they always helpful. They used to contain the same information year after year, and they were not something leaders wanted to attend, nor were they a priority.

But that changed when we decided to make the sessions more intentional. It wasn’t an overnight change and there were some challenges in trying to create lasting and intentional change. That doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it, but instead highlights the reality that change isn’t instantaneous.

It took time and effort. It required listening and adaptation. It meant trying and being honest in determining what worked and what didn’t.

In short, creating intentional leader training takes time and thoughtfulness, but the end result is an amazing atmosphere of collaboration. It also helps to create a group of relationally-focused leaders who are growing and committed.

Today, I want to share five tips for hosting intentional leader training:

1. Create the environment.

If I am being honest, this is not something I initially considered nor am I always good at cultivating. I would focus on other aspects of training like sharing pertinent information and interactive elements.

But when a coworker asked me what my theme was for training it made me stop and think. Partly because I had no answer but also because I realized the necessity of creating a theme and environment. When our team began to theme our training, it became more of a fun and engaging environment that our leaders wanted to be a part of.

Theming doesn’t have to be a large production, but it is something you carry through your training holistically. For an example, we hosted our training with a Jaws-inspired theme. We had different take home items like stickers and squishies that were “sea” oriented. We utilized sharks and water illustrations for our slides. And we created a snack bar that had “ocean” themed snacks.

2. Have food.

This may seem trivial but food is a key part to intentional training. Food creates an atmosphere that feels warm and welcoming, and it communicates value and worth.

Think about the last time you were over someone’s house. Did they offer you food? Whenever someone offers food or drink, you feel seen, valued, and appreciated.

Hospitality is key to helping leaders feel loved and cared for, and food is one way to do this. You don’t need to cater your training, nor do you need to drop hundreds or thousands of dollars.

It could be as simple as having fruit and coffee with fun creamer flavors. It could be a cheese tray with crackers, fun candy at the tables, mocktails, or chips and dip. By bringing in food and drinks, you are communicating value and worth to your leaders.

3. Make it relational.

One of the best things you can utilize for intentional leader training is relational opportunities. This can be in how you set up the room and seating arrangements. It can also be done through creating organic times for fellowship and conversation.

This comes into play by how you interact and engage with leaders during the training. Allow for communal and conversational opportunities throughout the training whether it’s in small group breakouts, prayer times, idea sharing opportunities, games or team building, or through a Q&A time. These are just some of the ways you can utilize relational opportunities at your training.

4. Incorporate spiritual rhythms.

Training shouldn’t only be about the practical nature of working with students and the circumstances with which leaders may engage. It should also focus on cultivating a spiritual maturity and depth in their relationship with Jesus.

In order to do this, we must make sure that we are each growing in our own walk with Jesus. So taking time to engage in spiritual rhythms not only helps us to grow but also provides a revitalization and refreshment for your team.

Taking time to pray and worship together, to engage with Scripture, to practice pausing and refreshing are some of the steps you could take to help your leaders engage with Jesus during your training.

5. Make it collaborative.

Collaboration is highly important for team training. Utilizing additional voices outside of paid church staff is essential as it elevates different voices and allows them to use their gifts and expertise to help others grow and flourish.

This can be done through having others lead part of the training, or by having your team engage with one another, or by utilizing activities that allow everyone to share their ideas and tips for student ministry.

However you choose to incorporate collaboration, make sure that you don’t just hear what is said but also think through follow-up and implementation. You may hear great ideas and suggestions, but failing to act upon those ideas communicates a lack of collaboration and value to your team.

Quick Tip: Never Be Afraid to Ask

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“Would you be willing to lead one of our training sessions? As an educator you would provide so much helpful information.”

“Would your company be willing to donate some items to our student ministry?”

“Are you interested in volunteering with us?”

“My workload and responsibility have increased a lot since I started. What is the possibility of me getting a pay raise?”

Have you ever asked a question like those before? I’ve asked lots of questions throughout my ministry career, but if I’m honest I shied away from asking them early in my career. I was worried that people would think I didn’t know what I was doing or was ill equipped. And that made me fearful of loosing my job because of all the horror stories I had heard.

However, the reality is that asking questions is a good thing. When you ask questions you are gaining knowledge and awareness. Questions help you to grow and mature as a leader because you are able to seek guidance and clarity.

Questions also help you to lead better because they give you the opportunity to seek help and assistance as needed. No one is an expert in everything and there is always someone who has knowledge we do not.

By asking others for assistance you can gain much by leaning into their strength and giftedness. In as much as you gain from their teaching, they are also able to lean into their gifts and use them for the kingdom of heaven.

Asking questions also empowers those you lead to see the beauty that comes from asking questions. There are others who probably are concerned that if they ask questions others may look down on them. By leading in this way you are giving them permission to ask questions and inviting them into a collaborative environment where they grow and flourish.

At the end of the day, asking questions should never be frowned upon or inhibited. Questions should be welcomed and encouraged.

If you are in an environment where questions are not welcomed, let me encourage you to seek wisdom and clarity from outside sources (mentors, coaches, other youth workers, trusted confidantes), and to create an environment within your ministry that does encourage and welcome questions. Questions are needed and beneficial and we should always ask them and welcome them.

Everyone Needs a Brian

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Back in the days of NYWC I had the privilege of meeting multiple staff from Youth Specialties. One of those staff members I briefly met was Brian Aaby, but it wasn’t until I was searching for a new ministry position that I began to connect with Brian more often. He was the Director of YS Search and Coaching, and the person in charge of my search. It was then that he and I began to forge a great friendship.

That friendship deepened throughout the search and placement process but grew even deeper as he would visit with Elise and I at our home, coach me as a youth pastor, and invited me to join his cohort. Brian not only became one of our closest friends but also a confidante, a mentor, and someone who was willing to sharpen, encourage, and challenge me when needed.

Brian has been someone who has not only stood in my corner throughout my career but has also been someone to shape and strengthen who I am as a person, husband, and pastor. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be who I am today and I may not even be in ministry if it weren’t for him.

Today, Brian has joined another one of our friends, Tim Eldred, at the Authentic Pastor. They are seeking to care for and empower pastors to be holistically healthy in their lives and careers. Together, these two are unstoppable and I am so excited for what they are doing and what comes next!

The purpose of this post isn’t to simply highlight how awesome Brian is, although I could, but instead to showcase the type of people we need in our lives. These friends may not encompass all of the following characteristics, which is totally fine. The reality is that having someone like this in your life is key to helping you grow, succeed, and flourish.

Friend.

Ministry can be lonely. Let’s just be honest about it. It can be extremely isolating even when you’re surrounded by people because they all look to you as a pastor not necessarily as a friend.

We are crafted for relationships and not having someone that you can be your authentic self around is problematic. It further isolates you and leads you toward self-dependence, which can be extremely unhealthy.

Mentor.

Everyone needs a mentor in their life. Someone who is older and wiser, who can listen to you, encourage you, offer you tips, and will walk with you through the long haul.

They are someone who will stick with you even if you switch careers or move. They will speak truth and wisdom into your life and be someone you can bounce ideas and questions off of.

Coach.

Having a coach is huge! This is someone who is trained and equipped to help ministry leaders flourish and grow. When someone can speak into your life, encourage and challenge you, and help you to grow as a pastor, leader, and person that is life changing.

This is more than a mentorship, it is someone who is pouring into you and developing you into the person God has designed you to be. A coach will lean into the refining process and walk through the fire with you. They will correct and challenge you to help you grow and mature.

These individuals are not necessarily in it for the long haul like a mentor, but instead will focus specific time and energy into helping you grow and flourish by looking into specific skill and developmental strategies.

Advocate.

There have been many times in my ministry career when I’ve been hesitant to advocate on my behalf. I’ll never forget when I was talking with Brian about the pay scale for a job I was moving into.

I asked if it was okay to negotiate because I had assumed ministry people did not ask for a higher paid grade. Brian assured me it was okay to ask to be paid what I was worth and that the worst they could do is say no.

That is only one instance where Brian helped me to advocate for myself, but he has also advocated for me to others. Brian has stood in the gap for me multiple times and I am forever grateful for that because in ministry it is hard at times to advocate for yourself.

Having someone who cares enough, is respected and measured, and knowledgeable is key as they can engage on your behalf in ways you may not be able to.

Ministry guru.

One of the best things you can do as a youth worker is find someone who has been in youth ministry and knows what they are doing to be someone you can learn and glean from. When you can learn from someone who has been there and done that, it not only helps you avoid pitfalls but it also challenges you to be a better youth pastor.

These are people who can provide insight for teaching, games, activities and events, and also be a resource if you need a speaker for a retreat or event.

Here’s the thing: Brian is a unicorn because he fits all of these things as one person. But I want to be clear that if you don’t have someone who fits all of those characteristics, it is totally fine to have multiple people in these roles.

The point of this post is simply to encourage you to have these types of people in your life because without them, ministry would be incredibly difficult, isolating, and at times defeating. At the end of the day Brian and Tim are always up for coaching and walking with people, and if you don’t have people in your life who can fit those characteristics, I know they would both be incredibly happy to talk with you and walk with you.