Month: September 2020

Our Picks: Must-Have Books [Part 2]

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Last week we kicked off a new “Our Picks” installment as we looked at books that have been helpful during our time in ministry. These books might not directly relate to student ministry, but they are extremely helpful to ministry overall. Today, I want to share part two of this series, and I hope that these are as helpful for you as they are for me.

Preventing Suicide: A Handbook for Pastors, Chaplains, and Pastoral Counselors

Karen Mason writes a powerful book about suicide, myths about suicide, triggers and causes, and helpful steps to prevent it. I truly believe that this book is necessary for anyone in ministry but especially for those working with students. Students are wrestling with multiple issues including depression, anxiety, image, and identity that all cause them to grapple with “am I enough” and “do I have value.” This book will help to equip you to step into those moments when students need you the most and help them. Another helpful part of this book is that it provides resources for helping survivors of attempted suicide, families, other lay people, and the community of which you are a part.

The Bullying Breakthrough: Real Help for Parents and Teachers of the Bullied, Bystanders, and Bullies

Jonathan McKee just released this book in 2018 and I had the privilege of reading an advance copy, and cannot recommend it enough. The Bullying Breakthrough provides the reader with firsthand accounts of bullying as well as ways to minister to all parties. Jonathan truly approaches this from a holistic scope and offers readers ten tools to help bullied kids and seven tools to help schools. Jonathan writes from the heart as he experienced bullying and he seeks to unearth the root of the issue so it can be treated appropriately. This book provides you with insight into physical bullying, cyber-bullying, helpful practices, and resources and steps that you and your community can take to combat this issue among students.

Understanding Your Teen: Shaping Their Character, Facing Their Realities

This is a helpful resource for you to have on hand for parents. Jim Burns is one of the foremost authors and speakers on youth and families, and this book is a helpful guide for parents. Dr. Burns offers insight into how to help shape behavior and character, how to navigate social media, conflict resolution, and much more. Dr. Burns’ book is vital to parents who are attempting to shepherd and disciple their student(s) well, and it is also applicable for pastors and leaders of students as it provides insight and knowledge that will make you a better shepherd. Burns not only highlights the issues and pressures facing students but also gives practical tools and insight into how to care for and walk with students.

99 Thoughts for Parents of Teenagers: The Truth on Raising Teenagers from Parents Who have Been There

Walt Mueller is more than a friend, he is a noted author, speaker, and trust source on all things related to youth and families. His ministry is one of the best out there, and I would highly recommend any and all of his resources. This book is designed in an easy to read format of 99 thoughts to help parents succeed. Literally, most of these thoughts are no more than a paragraph but they are designed to offer helpful truths in a soundbite sort of way. This book would be an awesome idea to bless parents with at a parents meeting or at a training event.

Living in a Gray World: A Christian Teen’s Guide to Understanding Homosexuality

Preston Sprinkle is one of the top scholars in this particular area of study, and his book is one of the best out there. It is an easy read and it provides solid insight and Biblical truth. Preston approaches this topic with heart, tact, and a listening ear and is quickly becoming one of my favorite authors and speakers. His insight into this topic and how to minister as a whole to the LGBTQ+ community has helped shape how I have approached these topics in my ministry and the church in which I serve. This is a must-have for any youth worker.

Our Picks: Must-Have Books [Part 1]

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One of the things I love about what I do is the opportunity to read, process, and apply books to what I am doing as a student pastor. Today, I want to share with you some must-have books that I have found exceptionally helpful in ministry. They are not all youth ministry focused, but they do have a tangible application to what we do as youth leaders. I will highlight why I believe each book is helpful in the description and provide a link for you to check them all out as well.

The Quick-Reference Guide to Counseling Teenagers & The Quick Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling

These are both solid resources written by Christian doctors who are seeking to help pastors and youth workers process the information related to a variety of counseling issues. It provides typical symptoms and patterns, definitions, key thoughts to help you process what the student is feeling, questions to ask, action steps, biblical insights, prayer starters, and much more. These books are not simply focused on a “read your Bible and pray to get better” methodology, but rather they utilize Biblical truth and application with science and medicine. These have been exceptionally helpful in a variety of circumstances.

A Good Commentary Set

I specifically didn’t list one in the topical heading because there are way too many to think through and honestly, we will all find ones we appreciate more than others because of our denominational preference, upbringing, current context, and theological preferences. With that being said, we must acknowledge we will never fully agree with everything a single commentary says. There are a couple of solid commentary sets that I personally have found helpful and would recommend. Walvoord and Zuck’s two volume set is exceptionally helpful and breaks down the text in an easy-to-understand way that anyone can read and use to help shape their messages or to answer questions people may have. Another helpful option is the NIV Application Commentary Set. This is a larger set and significantly more expensive, but it is worth it. The information is very helpful and it is written in an easy-to-understand format. This is a commentary set that will help you in crafting messages and help you grow in your own knowledge and understanding of the Biblical text.

The Pastor’s Handbook (NIV)

As I have progressed in my ministry career I have had the honor and privilege of officiating many different ceremonies. I have led weddings and funerals, handled baptisms, officiated communion, and been a part of anointing ceremonies. Some of these I felt my ministry training had prepared me for, but during others I felt completely ill-equipped. This pocket-sized resource provides you with various outlines and order of services for a variety of settings and is completely malleable to however you want to shape the ceremony you are officiating. It provides everything from Scripture suggestions, to outlines, to helpful tips and timing thoughts. This is a must-have for any minister.

How We Got the Bible

This is an excellent resource by Timothy Paul Jones because it answers many of the questions that students and adults are asking about the Bible. Where did it come from? How do we know we have it all? Are the texts reliable? Why do we have some books included but not others? These questions and more are answered in this easy-to-read and compact book. It includes dates, helpful charts, and exceptional appendices.

How to Solve the People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patterns

I know there is a lot of excitement surrounding the Enneagram, but I love the DISC Assessment as it relates to personalities and interpersonal relationships. Working with students and volunteers (and churches overall), this is a helpful resource to understand your personality, the personalities of those around you, and how to best work together. Carbonell provides resources for each personality that include how you act in various situations, how you react when you are stressed or emotions are heightened, how you engage with other personalities, and much more. I use this resource whenever I lead mission trips and walk my teams through it to help them understand how to engage with each other during those intense moments. It is a must-have for any youth (and church) worker.

Next week we will share more books that have been helpful to us, but we would love to hear which books you have found helpful in your ministry setting.

Fact or Fiction: Bigger Programs = Better Programs

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Have you ever gone to a conference and seen all the cool stage designs and heard about youth groups with hundreds or thousands of students and longed for those things? Have you ever wished your program was as big as the others in your town? Have you ever wished that you’d have more than just the few faithful students come to youth group?

These desires and feelings can lead us down a dangerous path. We can begin to question our calling and effectiveness, we can covet and lust after other programs or churches, and eventually we can lose focus on our mission and forsake our students and church because of our longings and desires.

These feelings aren’t inherently bad or problematic, but prolonged focus and frustration can lead us to a dark place. But we must understand that the size of our program does not reflect the transformative power of the Gospel nor does it translate into how effective you are at serving.

Today’s myth is, “a bigger program equals a better program.” In tackling this myth there are some truths that we must acknowledge. In acknowledging these truths, it allows us to discern our own hearts and the stability and sustainability of our program.

The size of a ministry does not represent spiritual growth.

Too often we can look at neighboring programs or ones in social media groups and wrestle with the notion that our own program is not where it needs to be. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Just because a program is large in number does not mean that the spiritual growth is equally as great. It may be, but it also may not be. What we must understand is that size does not always indicate success. We are after heart change and development. Be willing to help students develop in their faith and grow in a meaningful relationship with Jesus. In doing so you will help develop students who desire to not only grow in their own faith but are also passionate about seeing their friends follow Jesus.

The size of your budget isn’t a hindrance to growth.

I have been in many circumstances where I have had a very limited budget or none at all, and still been expected to run an amazing student ministry. Here is the thing: often times we focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do. God has called each of us to serve Him by serving students and their families. He called the disciples and told them to go out to towns with only what they had with them. He didn’t tell them to build a budget or raise money, instead He told them to go and do the ministry of the Gospel. As disciple-makers we cannot simply focus on the budget we do or do not have, but instead should focus on meeting students where they are and engaging them with the Gospel. Focus on relationships not finances. Be willing to listen instead of having your own youth center. Love and care for students instead having all the glitz and glam. Students will quickly forget the fancy setups, but they will forever remember the intentional relationships that you forged with them.

People over programs.

I think there are times we can get focused on building a bigger and better program or ministry and forget the people. And often times this happens in my life when I see things we do not have in our ministry but others do. When we simply focus on the program we miss our people. We forget that our students are real people with real life issues who need real adults in their lives who care for them. I am not saying we will dismiss and wholeheartedly forget about our students, but instead they become second to the program. We cannot allow that to happen and instead must focus on them over everything else.

Small numbers do not represent small growth.

Jesus had twelve guys He invested in. Twelve guys that eventually went down to eleven when one walked away and turned on Him. Sure, Jesus at times had thousands come to hear Him speak, but His real “youth group” was only twelve people. Think about that for a moment. Jesus intentionally built a ministry that would change the world and explode in numbers that no one could have imagined and He did it through twelve ordinary guys. In many ways, small youth programs can represent greater growth because you are afforded a greater opportunity to do life-on-life with students and help them become the Gospel centered disciple-makers that they were meant to be.

Be generous with what you do have.

You may read this point and think, “I don’t have anything to be generous with.” But think beyond the physical items you have. Remember what you do have: your time, your heart, and your passion for Jesus. You can be generous with your time by showing up at students’ events and cheering them on. Be generous with your heart and love students, especially the ones other people simply dismiss. Be generous with your passion for Jesus by allowing that to overflow into all your relationships. If you do have physical items like sports equipment, 9 Square, supplies for Minute to Win it, or various other items, be generous with those things. Be willing to share your resources with other ministries, step in and be willing to allow schools and community programs to borrow your supplies. God has gifted you with many ways to be generous, the questions is how will you do this?

Encouragement for this Season

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For so many of us, life during the pandemic has been a struggle we could never have imagined. And trying to do ministry in the midst of it may have left you feeling more discouraged than ever before. Wherever you are in this season of life, we want to offer some encouragement, with the hope of lifting each other up so that we can continue to fight the good fight.

It’s okay to struggle.

I think sometimes we can convince ourselves that if we’re struggling, we’re not doing something right. We can subconsciously believe that things related to our faith should come easy, should feel a certain way. We can believe that struggle is a sign of weakness, and as leaders in the church, shouldn’t we be the strong ones who do not struggle? I think the devil likes when we are here, when we think we’re alone and no one else will understand, when we think we must project an image of strength. But the Bible says something different.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

If struggle, or weakness, means Christ will be all the more glorified through us, then it is not something to be reviled. If it humbles us to see that we can only serve by God’s grace and power, then it rids us of unhealthy expectations and feelings of pride. Our natural tendency is to resist things that are unpleasant or difficult, but instead we should challenge ourselves to look for God in those places. Ask Him what He is doing, what He wants to teach us, and what He wants to accomplish. This will give meaning and purpose to the painful places in life, and quite possibly help us to see that there is a point to the struggle.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

You are needed.

Ministry jobs can be extremely thankless. In fact, they can be some of the most painful jobs because everyone is a critic and their criticism can be easily directed at you. If your personality type takes critical comments to heart, it can be difficult not to get bogged down in the mess. You might begin to question yourself, your abilities, even your calling. But the truth is, God’s “gifts and calling are irrevocable” (Romans 11:29), and He has given you your unique gifting for a purpose.

But one and the same Spirit is active in all these, distributing to each person as He wills. For as the body is one and has many parts, and all the parts of that body, though many, are one body—so also is Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and we were all made to drink of one Spirit. So the body is not one part but many. … But now God has placed each one of the parts in one body just as He wanted.

1 Corinthians 12:11-14, 18

The truth is that you are needed within the local and global church. You have a unique calling, a gift ordained by God for you to use in service to Him. Because of this, you have a special part to play in His kingdom work, regardless of what anyone else says. You may not hear it often enough, so let me say it: Thank you for what you do. You are important, valuable, and necessary to the body of Christ.

Don’t give up.

Some of the most painful moments in ministry have been the ones where I’ve watched people walk away. Not just from me, or from the church (though those hurt immensely), but from Jesus Christ. To have someone you once looked up to, or counted as a co-laborer, give up on their faith and walk away is jarring, discouraging, and can leave you asking a million questions. We could get into a conversation about whether their faith was genuine to begin with, but in the end only God knows. The important thing for us as ministry leaders is to carry out the work we have been given, to fulfill our calling, and to fight with all the power of heaven to never give up.

Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest, and your feet sandaled with readiness for the gospel of peace. In every situation take the shield of faith, and with it you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is God’s word.

Ephesians 6:10-17

There may be seasons of life where you have to take a break from doing full-time ministry. You may need a season of healing, time to recuperate and allow God to heal the broken places. Those are good, necessary things. But I want to encourage you, especially in the moments of pain, do not allow your heart to be pulled away from God. Let Him be the source of life, light, and restoration. Find others who love Jesus and can walk with you, helping you to remain rooted and focused on Him. When human relationships fail you, because undoubtedly they will, remember that the ultimate fight is not against humanity, but against the darkness.

The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom should I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom should I be afraid? When evildoers came against me to devour my flesh, my foes and my enemies stumbled and fell. Though an army deploys against me, my heart is not afraid; though a war breaks out against me, still I am confident.

Psalm 27:1-3

In these difficult times, we want you to know that you are not alone. Part of the reason we started Kalos was to create a safe place where we could help nourish and build up the student ministry community. We want to encourage and support you, and for all of us to be able to support each other. If you would like prayer for a general or specific need, please contact us. If there is a topic you would like us to cover in a future blog post, please let us know. We are in this together for God’s kingdom and eternal glory.