Author: Nick Mance

Quick Tip: 5 Things You Should Never Say at Youth Group

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Working with students means you need to be mindful of what you say because students are always listening whether or not they seem like it. As leaders of our youth groups, we have an obligation to steward what we say and care well for our students through our words.

With that being said, I want to share with you five things you should never say at youth group. Some of these may make you chuckle and some are more serious. My hope is that this short list helps us all to be more intentional and thoughtful with our words as we seek to lovingly lead and disciple our students.

1. “Where is everybody?”

Nothing tells your students who do show up that they don’t matter more than that statement. There are always times when youth group will feel and be smaller than normal. But when we say things like “no one is here” or “where is everyone,” the students who do show up feel like they don’t matter.

Instead, we should acknowledge the students who are present, reach out to the ones who weren’t to let them know they were missed, and create a missional vision that challenges students to be ambassadors for the kingdom of God wherever they are.

2. “My spouse is so hot.”

Look, everyone who is married is attracted to their spouse. I get it! But we don’t need to awkwardly flex that to our students.

There’s a ton of purity culture indoctrination within those flex moments (think of the adage “if you stay pure God will bless you with an attractive spouse and amazing sex”). It also creates an unhealthy understanding of a relationship that is solely rooted in looks. That can cause all sorts of harm for students who struggle with body image.

It also makes things super awkward for your spouse because now they are being objectified not just by their partner but an entire youth group.

3 “Shake it off, you’ll be fine.”

As your career in student ministry progresses, you will undoubtedly deal with all types of injuries from minor scratches and boo-boos to the more severe kind that involve hospital trips and phone calls. In between those two categories are multiple types of injuries that we may be inclined to simply say, “you’re fine, rub some dirt in it.”

But the reality is we should treat every injury with importance, care, and appropriate response. It should be noted that the level of care and response will change depending on the severity of the injury. Don’t assume that a student who fell and hit their head is okay just because they say so. When a student complains about a twisted ankle don’t just toss them a couple Advil without checking it and consulting parents.

Part of being a shepherd to students is caring well for them, even when their mistakes or lack of maturity and body control cause injury.

4. “That sounds dumb” or “I don’t understand you.”

Have you ever had a student share a hobby or interest with you that just baffled you? We all have had one of those students who has been so into something it just makes you scratch your head and wonder what is happening.

Maybe you’ve had someone who is really into juggling, a student who love LARPing, or a student who just loves lifting and protein way more than they should. I know I’ve had quite a few students who have loved different things that have left me wondering what I just heard about.

But here’s the thing: if we dismiss that student or their interest, we are devaluing them and telling them they don’t have a place in youth group and the church because they have weird or unique interests.

5. “Read your Bible and pray more.”

I know we are looking to help our students grow and develop solid spiritual rhythms and maturity. And that means that yes, we should encourage them to read their Bibles and pray.

But when students come to us with difficulties, struggles, and issues in their lives, our response should not be to passively dismiss it by telling them to read the Bible more and to pray harder. Instead we should listen, help them process, create an action plan, and take the necessary steps to help them in those moments.

These are not singular moments in time, but more often than not, long term engagements that involve actively walking with and caring for your students.

What else would you add to our list of things you shouldn’t say at youth group?

5 Tips for Intentional Leader Training

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We just wrapped up our fall student leader training and we are so excited for how it went and all God is going to do this year.

Historically, our leader training sessions weren’t always successful, nor were they always helpful. They used to contain the same information year after year, and they were not something leaders wanted to attend, nor were they a priority.

But that changed when we decided to make the sessions more intentional. It wasn’t an overnight change and there were some challenges in trying to create lasting and intentional change. That doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it, but instead highlights the reality that change isn’t instantaneous.

It took time and effort. It required listening and adaptation. It meant trying and being honest in determining what worked and what didn’t.

In short, creating intentional leader training takes time and thoughtfulness, but the end result is an amazing atmosphere of collaboration. It also helps to create a group of relationally-focused leaders who are growing and committed.

Today, I want to share five tips for hosting intentional leader training:

1. Create the environment.

If I am being honest, this is not something I initially considered nor am I always good at cultivating. I would focus on other aspects of training like sharing pertinent information and interactive elements.

But when a coworker asked me what my theme was for training it made me stop and think. Partly because I had no answer but also because I realized the necessity of creating a theme and environment. When our team began to theme our training, it became more of a fun and engaging environment that our leaders wanted to be a part of.

Theming doesn’t have to be a large production, but it is something you carry through your training holistically. For an example, we hosted our training with a Jaws-inspired theme. We had different take home items like stickers and squishies that were “sea” oriented. We utilized sharks and water illustrations for our slides. And we created a snack bar that had “ocean” themed snacks.

2. Have food.

This may seem trivial but food is a key part to intentional training. Food creates an atmosphere that feels warm and welcoming, and it communicates value and worth.

Think about the last time you were over someone’s house. Did they offer you food? Whenever someone offers food or drink, you feel seen, valued, and appreciated.

Hospitality is key to helping leaders feel loved and cared for, and food is one way to do this. You don’t need to cater your training, nor do you need to drop hundreds or thousands of dollars.

It could be as simple as having fruit and coffee with fun creamer flavors. It could be a cheese tray with crackers, fun candy at the tables, mocktails, or chips and dip. By bringing in food and drinks, you are communicating value and worth to your leaders.

3. Make it relational.

One of the best things you can utilize for intentional leader training is relational opportunities. This can be in how you set up the room and seating arrangements. It can also be done through creating organic times for fellowship and conversation.

This comes into play by how you interact and engage with leaders during the training. Allow for communal and conversational opportunities throughout the training whether it’s in small group breakouts, prayer times, idea sharing opportunities, games or team building, or through a Q&A time. These are just some of the ways you can utilize relational opportunities at your training.

4. Incorporate spiritual rhythms.

Training shouldn’t only be about the practical nature of working with students and the circumstances with which leaders may engage. It should also focus on cultivating a spiritual maturity and depth in their relationship with Jesus.

In order to do this, we must make sure that we are each growing in our own walk with Jesus. So taking time to engage in spiritual rhythms not only helps us to grow but also provides a revitalization and refreshment for your team.

Taking time to pray and worship together, to engage with Scripture, to practice pausing and refreshing are some of the steps you could take to help your leaders engage with Jesus during your training.

5. Make it collaborative.

Collaboration is highly important for team training. Utilizing additional voices outside of paid church staff is essential as it elevates different voices and allows them to use their gifts and expertise to help others grow and flourish.

This can be done through having others lead part of the training, or by having your team engage with one another, or by utilizing activities that allow everyone to share their ideas and tips for student ministry.

However you choose to incorporate collaboration, make sure that you don’t just hear what is said but also think through follow-up and implementation. You may hear great ideas and suggestions, but failing to act upon those ideas communicates a lack of collaboration and value to your team.

Quick Tip: Never Be Afraid to Ask

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“Would you be willing to lead one of our training sessions? As an educator you would provide so much helpful information.”

“Would your company be willing to donate some items to our student ministry?”

“Are you interested in volunteering with us?”

“My workload and responsibility have increased a lot since I started. What is the possibility of me getting a pay raise?”

Have you ever asked a question like those before? I’ve asked lots of questions throughout my ministry career, but if I’m honest I shied away from asking them early in my career. I was worried that people would think I didn’t know what I was doing or was ill equipped. And that made me fearful of loosing my job because of all the horror stories I had heard.

However, the reality is that asking questions is a good thing. When you ask questions you are gaining knowledge and awareness. Questions help you to grow and mature as a leader because you are able to seek guidance and clarity.

Questions also help you to lead better because they give you the opportunity to seek help and assistance as needed. No one is an expert in everything and there is always someone who has knowledge we do not.

By asking others for assistance you can gain much by leaning into their strength and giftedness. In as much as you gain from their teaching, they are also able to lean into their gifts and use them for the kingdom of heaven.

Asking questions also empowers those you lead to see the beauty that comes from asking questions. There are others who probably are concerned that if they ask questions others may look down on them. By leading in this way you are giving them permission to ask questions and inviting them into a collaborative environment where they grow and flourish.

At the end of the day, asking questions should never be frowned upon or inhibited. Questions should be welcomed and encouraged.

If you are in an environment where questions are not welcomed, let me encourage you to seek wisdom and clarity from outside sources (mentors, coaches, other youth workers, trusted confidantes), and to create an environment within your ministry that does encourage and welcome questions. Questions are needed and beneficial and we should always ask them and welcome them.

Everyone Needs a Brian

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Back in the days of NYWC I had the privilege of meeting multiple staff from Youth Specialties. One of those staff members I briefly met was Brian Aaby, but it wasn’t until I was searching for a new ministry position that I began to connect with Brian more often. He was the Director of YS Search and Coaching, and the person in charge of my search. It was then that he and I began to forge a great friendship.

That friendship deepened throughout the search and placement process but grew even deeper as he would visit with Elise and I at our home, coach me as a youth pastor, and invited me to join his cohort. Brian not only became one of our closest friends but also a confidante, a mentor, and someone who was willing to sharpen, encourage, and challenge me when needed.

Brian has been someone who has not only stood in my corner throughout my career but has also been someone to shape and strengthen who I am as a person, husband, and pastor. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be who I am today and I may not even be in ministry if it weren’t for him.

Today, Brian has joined another one of our friends, Tim Eldred, at the Authentic Pastor. They are seeking to care for and empower pastors to be holistically healthy in their lives and careers. Together, these two are unstoppable and I am so excited for what they are doing and what comes next!

The purpose of this post isn’t to simply highlight how awesome Brian is, although I could, but instead to showcase the type of people we need in our lives. These friends may not encompass all of the following characteristics, which is totally fine. The reality is that having someone like this in your life is key to helping you grow, succeed, and flourish.

Friend.

Ministry can be lonely. Let’s just be honest about it. It can be extremely isolating even when you’re surrounded by people because they all look to you as a pastor not necessarily as a friend.

We are crafted for relationships and not having someone that you can be your authentic self around is problematic. It further isolates you and leads you toward self-dependence, which can be extremely unhealthy.

Mentor.

Everyone needs a mentor in their life. Someone who is older and wiser, who can listen to you, encourage you, offer you tips, and will walk with you through the long haul.

They are someone who will stick with you even if you switch careers or move. They will speak truth and wisdom into your life and be someone you can bounce ideas and questions off of.

Coach.

Having a coach is huge! This is someone who is trained and equipped to help ministry leaders flourish and grow. When someone can speak into your life, encourage and challenge you, and help you to grow as a pastor, leader, and person that is life changing.

This is more than a mentorship, it is someone who is pouring into you and developing you into the person God has designed you to be. A coach will lean into the refining process and walk through the fire with you. They will correct and challenge you to help you grow and mature.

These individuals are not necessarily in it for the long haul like a mentor, but instead will focus specific time and energy into helping you grow and flourish by looking into specific skill and developmental strategies.

Advocate.

There have been many times in my ministry career when I’ve been hesitant to advocate on my behalf. I’ll never forget when I was talking with Brian about the pay scale for a job I was moving into.

I asked if it was okay to negotiate because I had assumed ministry people did not ask for a higher paid grade. Brian assured me it was okay to ask to be paid what I was worth and that the worst they could do is say no.

That is only one instance where Brian helped me to advocate for myself, but he has also advocated for me to others. Brian has stood in the gap for me multiple times and I am forever grateful for that because in ministry it is hard at times to advocate for yourself.

Having someone who cares enough, is respected and measured, and knowledgeable is key as they can engage on your behalf in ways you may not be able to.

Ministry guru.

One of the best things you can do as a youth worker is find someone who has been in youth ministry and knows what they are doing to be someone you can learn and glean from. When you can learn from someone who has been there and done that, it not only helps you avoid pitfalls but it also challenges you to be a better youth pastor.

These are people who can provide insight for teaching, games, activities and events, and also be a resource if you need a speaker for a retreat or event.

Here’s the thing: Brian is a unicorn because he fits all of these things as one person. But I want to be clear that if you don’t have someone who fits all of those characteristics, it is totally fine to have multiple people in these roles.

The point of this post is simply to encourage you to have these types of people in your life because without them, ministry would be incredibly difficult, isolating, and at times defeating. At the end of the day Brian and Tim are always up for coaching and walking with people, and if you don’t have people in your life who can fit those characteristics, I know they would both be incredibly happy to talk with you and walk with you.

Caring for Hurting Leaders

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One of the realities of serving in ministry is you will be dealing with hurt, pain, and loss. It could be helping students navigate the hurt of a broken relationship, officiating a funeral, helping struggling couples, or a variety of other circumstances. Hurt and pain are very real and they are a very important part of our career as we have the privilege of walking with others.

In as much as we care for our church community holistically, today I want to think through what it looks like to care for hurting leaders who serve alongside us in our ministries. Our leaders deal with hurt and pain just as much as anyone else, but they also carry the burden of caring for students and their pain as well. So what are some ways that can we come alongside our people and care for them?

Be available.

One of the best things you can do for your leaders is be present when needed. When they are hurting, need to talk, or just need you to be present the best thing you can do is be there for them.

That could be as simple as sitting with them, listening and empathizing, offering counseling and direction, and being a friend to them. Those moments are critical and necessary in caring for your leaders who are hurting.

Utilize additional resources.

There may be times that you need to lean into additional resources in order to care well for your people. That could be counselors and mental health professionals, food or clothing banks, hotels for housing needs, funeral homes, financial counselors, and whatever other needs you may be able to help with.

You will need to build relationships and contacts with various organizations and agencies to help when needed. When you build your resource bank up, it allows you to better care for your people by connecting them with the necessary resources to help them.

When necessary, encourage a break.

There will be moments when your leaders are going through an exceptionally difficult time that needs both a friend to walk with them but also a caring leader to encourage a break. Often, youth leaders are deeply committed to serving and don’t want to let down their students by stepping away.

But the reality of leading well means that your leaders are holistically healthy. That means you need to be willing to encourage and challenge your leaders to take a break for their own wellbeing, healing, and restoration as needed. These aren’t easy conversations but they are needed ones that should consist of love, care, and shepherding.

Send a card and encouragement.

A tangible way of loving and caring for hurting leaders is sending a handwritten card and some kind of encouragement. We often send a DoorDash or Amazon gift card or flowers to our leaders who are hurting as a way of highlighting that they have a community who loves and cares about them

Follow up.

Often a time of hurt, pain, and grief is not just a singular moment but an ongoing one. There will be ongoing moments of pain and grief. As such, we have an obligation to continue to check in, love, and care for our people. Take them out for coffee, call them, have a conversation at youth group. These follow up moments signal that you still care and are aware of what they are going through and that they aren’t alone.

Trip Tricks: Staying Healthy

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Round two of our summer mission trips has officially started. In fact, if you’re reading this when it drops we are out serving for our first full day! I love going on these trips with our students and leaders and watching God work in and through them.

But there’s also some unique complexities to being the primary leader on trips. You’re often the first one out of bed and the last to bed. You’re the stop gap for all issues. You have to handle all the non-stop questions. You probably don’t have great sleeping arrangements. And the food, well depending where you go and what stage of life you’re in, it could be better or worse than what you have at home.

The crazy thing is that the complexities I listed are just the tip of the iceberg. The true reality is that trips can take a toll on us for a variety of reasons. We can’t always control what those may be or when they happen, but we can be proactive and intentional in being prepared for them.

In this post, I don’t want to try and focus on all the various ways to prepare for all the things that may come up. It would be much too long and at that point ineffective. Instead, I would like to focus on how you can stay healthy during the trips you go on.

Practice good hygiene.

Let’s be real: youth trips can be gross. Everyone is running around and getting sweaty. You may be doing dirty work on mission trips. Shower situations may be less than ideal. But those things shouldn’t stop you from practicing good hygiene.

Staying healthy means taking care of your body in all aspects. So making sure to shower, wash your hands, sanitize when possible, not drinking or eating after other people, and even things like wearing slides in the shower are big difference makers. The last thing you want is some kind of illness or bug from a trip, and practicing good hygiene helps in large ways.

Make sure to eat well.

The majority of trips I have been on with students have decent food. Decent in the sense that you can eat it and not feel horrible. But they aren’t necessarily healthy or balanced.

Usually it’s a lot of carbs and meat coupled with a dessert of some kind that is designed to give energy for the activities ahead. And yes, they do provide a quick burst of energy but they don’t keep you going for the long haul especially as you get older.

So look for more healthy and balanced options. Grab a salad and veggies when you’re able. Don’t grab two desserts, or maybe pass on them all together. Eat some fruit.

Is this always easy to do at camps and on mission trips? No. But it’s one way of being intentional that will help you stay healthy in the long run.

Drink lots of fluids.

When I first started out in student ministry I drank a lot of coffee throughout the day. I usually would down an entire pot on my own and I could drink it until late in the evening without it keeping me up. I drank more coffee than water and I did it every day, even on trips.

But I noticed something on a mission trip in a humid climate: I had headaches, I was always thirsty, and I felt lightheaded. I realized I had not been drinking water and my body was not hydrated.

Hydration is huge to staying healthy because our bodies are roughly 60% water, which means we need water to function well. Water also helps our bodies to release toxins by passing them through our system and without that we are at greater risk of getting sick. So proper hydration helps to ensure you stay healthy during and after your trip.

Get decent rest.

I know, I laughed too when I wrote this. You’re probably thinking, “Proper rest on a trip?! Are you crazy?” Nope, just experienced.

I get it: I don’t sleep well on trips either. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to. Having a time of proper rest and sleep is necessary for you to be a good leader and to stay healthy. I know it’s not easy on a camp mattress, or when the schedule lists a lights out time of 1:00 a.m., or your cabin smells like a high school locker room.

But I also know that we don’t have to pull an all-nighter and that there are things like AdvilPM and melatonin to help us sleep well. I’m simply saying that doing your best to achieve a decent time of rest and sleep will do wonders for your health and also prevent some of the crash that comes after the trip is over.

Take time to breathe.

“Nick! Hey Nick. Nick I have a question. Nickkkk!!”

Have you ever just sat in the silence after a trip to breathe? I do it all the time. I finally don’t have students constantly yelling for me or asking questions. Breathing is a good thing, but how do you do this on a trip?

One way to make sure you get space to breathe is to champion this principle with your crew. When your leadership team is on board it allows everyone space to breathe while knowing your group is still being cared for.

Another way would be to find a time where your group is otherwise occupied (team games, night games, devotional time, etc.) and give yourself the freedom to take even just a few moments to breathe and reset. These moments are key to being able to lead well as you get re-center and decompress briefly as you prepare to engage.

Be proactive.

Taking vitamin C before a trip, getting rest ahead of your departure, bringing hand sanitizer, and having the right medicines and resources for the trip will help to ensure you stay healthy. You cannot prepare for every circumstance or outcome, but being proactive and intentional will help you to stay healthy before, during, and after your trip.

Take time to refresh when you get home.

I didn’t always do this. In fact in some ministry settings the expectation was you’d be right back in the office after a trip. But it is so important to take time to recover and refresh after a trip so you can be the best version of yourself, the version God has designed you to be.

Refreshment may look different depending on your personality, but should at minimum include a nice shower, a good meal, time with family and/or close friends, and at least a full day off to decompress, process, and sleep.

Planning Ahead: Welcome Incoming Middle School Students and Families

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As fall programming approaches, your ministry is probably preparing to welcome new middle school students into the ministry for the first time. For our ministry, middle school starts at 6th grade as we follow what the majority of schools in our area do.

These new students are often flying high after being the top dogs in their elementary schools but also feeling the angst and social pressure of starting fresh in a new environment. Do you remember your middle school years? If it was anything like mine, they were filled with awkward moments, societal pressures, new friendships, figuring out my identity, and of course all of the other struggles that come with being an adolescent.

We can all agree that the transition into middle school can be difficult, and with that reality in mind, we must think critically about how we can help to welcome these new students and their families into our ministries. Today I want to share with you a few successful ways we have tackled this over our time in ministry.

Begin building relationships early.

If our first touch point with incoming 6th graders is when fall programming starts, I’d argue we are missing the mark. Instead, when they are 5th graders we should be seeking to build connections with them. If we take time to step into the elementary ministry and get to know 5th graders and their families, it will help make the transition to middle school ministry easier as they will already have an established relationship.

Connect families with small group leaders.

Reaching out and letting families and students know who their small group leaders are is a great way to help 6th graders feel seen, welcomed, and valued. Encourage your leaders to reach out and build rapport with parents and students, and to consider hosting a meet up where everyone can get to know one another.

Host a summer gathering that includes incoming families.

A great way to make an intentional connection with incoming 6th graders is to host an event where they are invited and can meet other current students and leaders. Our summer programming centers around monthly events and we intentionally reach out to our incoming 6th grade families and invite them to join us.

We set apart time for the new families and students to meet their small group leaders, gather information from our team, ask questions, and to build relationships. Moments like this help new students and families build relationships and release some of the tension that comes with stepping into a new phase and ministry.

Honor and welcome them.

Kicking off fall programming is a great time to welcome in your new students and help them know that they belong. This could be through your setup and decor, praying over them in front of the youth group, hosting a special event to celebrate moving into middle school, providing a special gift and/or a special note, hosting a luncheon for students and families, or pairing them with an upperclassman who can help them acclimate to student ministry.

Be available.

One of the best things you can do for students and families is to be available. Depending on your church context, your people may not know where your office is, what your office hours are, or where programming takes place. Helping families and students know where things are and that you are available for them helps them know that they belong.

We intentionally show families where our student ministry offices are, make sure they know we are here for them, and highlight the resources we have for families. In a time of transition it is important that your students know they have a person/people who will be present and available for them.

What are some ways you intentionally welcome new families and students into your ministry?

Trip Tricks: Be Prepared

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Have you ever had something unexpected happen on a trip? Perhaps it was a vehicle issue, sickness or a hospital run? Maybe allergies spiked due the work you were doing or bee stings, housing arrangements not working out, or a variety of other circumstances.

I’ve personally experienced all the above and then some during the trips I have been on. Some of these issues you can handle in kind but others require you to be prepared as best you can.

When I was newer to youth ministry I didn’t think about the “what if” situations that could happen. My inexperience didn’t make me a bad youth pastor, but it did put me at a disadvantage when certain situations arose.

Looking back now, I can see various ways I wish I was prepared to handle those moments, and I want to share them with you. I hope to help you be better prepared for, if, and when those moments happen.

Keep a level head.

This is the very first thing you must have a handle on when things go awry or not as you planned. Students and volunteers alike will reflect your energy and temperament in all circumstances. If you are acting frantic, if you are experiencing a meltdown, or you seem scared or worried, they will all respond in kind.

Instead what you should do is approach each circumstance with an even response and mild temperament. When you can pause, breathe, and collect yourself, you will be able to make informed and beneficial decisions as they are needed. It will also help your group to remain calm and not panic in the moment.

Have a good first aid kit.

A first aid kit is something I’ve always made sure to have because of the years I spent working in the security industry. First aid kits that are purchased at Walmart or Amazon don’t always have all the items you will need. Bandaids and ice packs are good things to have but you will often find yourself needing a variety of items that aren’t included in a basic kit.

What I’d recommend is checking with someone who is a nurse or EMT to find out what items you should have in a first aid kit and how many of those items there should be. Then you can create a custom kit for your trips.

Know your resources.

I’ll never forget the one time we were at a camp and had a medical emergency. A student suffered a horrible concussion and needed emergency treatment. We were sent to an urgent care facility but they weren’t equipped to handle that situation so we had to call EMS to take us to a trauma hospital over an hour and a half away.

If we had known that the hospital was where we needed to be, we could have gotten there sooner (and yes, the student’s completely fine and was released that same day). That situation taught me to know what my resources were wherever I was taking students.

If you are going on a trip it’s important to know where hospitals, doctor offices, and fire departments are. Know how to get to certain places like auto part stores and mechanics. Try to plan out rest stops, gas stations, and places to eat on longer trips. Have people back home and on your trip that you can go to with various issues (having someone who knows cars is awesome and having a nurse or doctor on the team is a wonderful thing).

Train your leaders.

Another thing that will help you to be prepared on your trips is training your leaders in a variety of situations. You can get them CPR and first aid certified. You can help equip them with how to respond during emergencies and various circumstances.

You can assign them roles for each of those moments as well. Even asking leaders to simply herd and distract students while you handle the main issue is key because it allows for you to be focused on rectifying the situation.

Being over-prepared isn’t a bad thing.

My leaders jokingly chide me about how much stuff I bring on trips and how big my backpack is. I have my own first aid kit, extra items students may need, all of my documents in case they’re needed, plenty of Advil, and basically anything else I may end up needing.

Do I always need what I pack? No. But would I rather have and not need than need and not have? You better believe it.

When I think through a trip, a ministry event, and even just regular programming, I always try to be as prepared as possible to handle whatever happens. That doesn’t mean that I’m trying to be omniscient, but instead seeking to care well for my people by being prepared and ready to jump into whatever happens.

A Reminder to Be Yourself

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Aren’t you a little old to be a youth pastor? Why aren’t you higher energy? You’re not the typical youth pastor, are you? Why don’t you play more games and more events? Shouldn’t you dress like students and know everything about culture?

If you’re like me, you’ve heard some of these questions at some point in your career. Maybe not the first question, especially if you’re just starting in youth ministry, but I’d be willing to bet we have all heard some version of these kinds of questions.

Truth be told, I struggled with my identity as a student pastor for many years. I went to all the conferences, followed all the trending youth workers and influencers, read all the articles, and began to craft our student ministry to look like the ones we saw online.

The reality of ministry in the age of media and technology is that we are consistently presented with a “picture” or “image” of what our ministries and—by extension, we—should look like.

And yes, there is a prototypical look for student ministries and student workers. I mean stop and think about this for a moment. If you were asked to describe what a “typical” youth ministry should look like, what would you say? What would you compare it to? What about you? Who would you compare yourself to or style your ministry and appearance after?

I think for many of us, we default to the popular, large, and financially capable ministries. Now hear me on this: I’m not saying that how those ministries and youth workers do ministry is wrong or broken or not beneficial. But that isn’t meant to be the standard or our standard. In fact, we need to embrace ourselves, our strengths, our context, and our students.

Too often we try to emulate or reflect what it seems like everyone else is doing. But the reality is this: our students don’t need a reflection, a copy, or what everyone else is doing or being. They need you!

They need you in their context, in their communities, and in their present reality. They don’t need someone else. They don’t need the next big thing. They don’t need the lights, the haze, the glitz and glam. We cannot compete or replicate all the bells and whistles of culture, nor should we try to. Our students need an authentic, transparent, and relational youth pastor who loves them where they are and is directing them to a radical, life-altering, world-changing relationship with Jesus.

When we understand that truth, we realize that each and every one of us has been uniquely chosen and gifted by God to reach those students in their contexts. We all have strengths and weaknesses, but God has planted us where we need to be right now.

Who you are is just as God designed you to be so you can lovingly shepherd and disciple students in their faith journey. Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, someone who is artistic or someone who is a gamer, whether you love sports or would rather read a book, whether your style is on point or you simply grab what’s clean. God has intentionally placed you where are to be the best student worker possible and He has uniquely gifted you to that end.

So embrace who you are! Live out your gifting! Love students and point them to Jesus! Never try to be something you are not. Never cave to the pressures or presuppositions of culture. Don’t try to reflect, seek to be authentic.

By doing this, you will see your students not only grow closer to you but you will see them grab onto a Savior that loves them as much as He loves you and accepts them as they are.

Quick Tip: Recharge After a Trip

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When this post gets published I’ll be serving with a group of leaders and students in Hunt, Texas. This is our first mission trip of the summer and it’s one that is focused on helping a community rebuild and heal after devastating flooding.

I love taking students on mission trips and retreats. These moments are so important in the spiritual journey of students and I get the privilege of seeing God work in and through them in amazing ways. I always come away from these trips excited about what God is doing and seeing all the change that happens in the lives of my students as they serve and lead. I truly love going on these trips and sharing in the experience with my leaders and students and it’s one the many things I love about my job.

But can I be real with you? I’m also wiped out after these trips. I’ve realized I’m starting to get older and sleeping on a camp bunk or sleeping bags on the floor doesn’t always agree with me. Only getting a few hours of sleep for multiple nights on end runs me down. Being on for multiple days and not having any down time makes me feel depleted.

In fact, maybe you’re like me but when I get back from a trip and everyone has finally left to go home, I sit in my car for five minutes in silence. No more “Nick,” “Hey, Nick,” “Nick, can I.” It’s just…quiet. This is just one of my ways I recharge. The reality is trips require a lot from us and while they are amazing and beneficial, they also can be depleting to those who run and facilitate them.

So if trips are depleting, how do we actually recharge when they are completed? The truest answer I can give you is this: it depends on the person. I know what recharges me, but that doesn’t mean it’s the same for you. For me, recharging includes pausing and resting after a trip. That means I take some time off to recoup and catch my breath. I also love to clean up and put things away after a trip (I know I have a problem). I also enjoy having familiar food whether it’s a pizza from our local pizza shop or having a nice home cooked meal. But I’ll be honest and let you know that 99% of the time it’s a pizza because it’s easy, delicious, and means no prep.

For others it may be hanging out with friends, it might be reading, watching your favorite show, spending time with your spouse, or just a good nights rest in your own bed (can I get an amen?!). My point is this: you cannot keep running on coffee and adrenaline. I get it: coming back from a camp, a retreat, or mission trip you can feel that rush but I promise you that if you just run on that you’ll begin to feel depleted very quickly.

I wish someone had told me about the importance of recharging after trips. I wouldn’t take time off, I would just go right back to work. But that method will lead to faster burnout and depletion because you aren’t taking care of yourself. We must take intentional steps to ensure we have recharged and recovered so we can be the best version of ourselves to our families and the people we lead and disciple. Not taking time to recharge is actually harming ourselves and those we love. So, after a trip, my encouragement is simple: recharge in the way that best suits you. But make sure to be intentional about doing so. This isn’t just a quick power nap, but something that intentionally nourishes you so you can continue in the calling God has given to you.