Author: Nick Mance

Everyone Needs a Brian

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Back in the days of NYWC I had the privilege of meeting multiple staff from Youth Specialties. One of those staff members I briefly met was Brian Aaby, but it wasn’t until I was searching for a new ministry position that I began to connect with Brian more often. He was the Director of YS Search and Coaching, and the person in charge of my search. It was then that he and I began to forge a great friendship.

That friendship deepened throughout the search and placement process but grew even deeper as he would visit with Elise and I at our home, coach me as a youth pastor, and invited me to join his cohort. Brian not only became one of our closest friends but also a confidante, a mentor, and someone who was willing to sharpen, encourage, and challenge me when needed.

Brian has been someone who has not only stood in my corner throughout my career but has also been someone to shape and strengthen who I am as a person, husband, and pastor. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be who I am today and I may not even be in ministry if it weren’t for him.

Today, Brian has joined another one of our friends, Tim Eldred, at the Authentic Pastor. They are seeking to care for and empower pastors to be holistically healthy in their lives and careers. Together, these two are unstoppable and I am so excited for what they are doing and what comes next!

The purpose of this post isn’t to simply highlight how awesome Brian is, although I could, but instead to showcase the type of people we need in our lives. These friends may not encompass all of the following characteristics, which is totally fine. The reality is that having someone like this in your life is key to helping you grow, succeed, and flourish.

Friend.

Ministry can be lonely. Let’s just be honest about it. It can be extremely isolating even when you’re surrounded by people because they all look to you as a pastor not necessarily as a friend.

We are crafted for relationships and not having someone that you can be your authentic self around is problematic. It further isolates you and leads you toward self-dependence, which can be extremely unhealthy.

Mentor.

Everyone needs a mentor in their life. Someone who is older and wiser, who can listen to you, encourage you, offer you tips, and will walk with you through the long haul.

They are someone who will stick with you even if you switch careers or move. They will speak truth and wisdom into your life and be someone you can bounce ideas and questions off of.

Coach.

Having a coach is huge! This is someone who is trained and equipped to help ministry leaders flourish and grow. When someone can speak into your life, encourage and challenge you, and help you to grow as a pastor, leader, and person that is life changing.

This is more than a mentorship, it is someone who is pouring into you and developing you into the person God has designed you to be. A coach will lean into the refining process and walk through the fire with you. They will correct and challenge you to help you grow and mature.

These individuals are not necessarily in it for the long haul like a mentor, but instead will focus specific time and energy into helping you grow and flourish by looking into specific skill and developmental strategies.

Advocate.

There have been many times in my ministry career when I’ve been hesitant to advocate on my behalf. I’ll never forget when I was talking with Brian about the pay scale for a job I was moving into.

I asked if it was okay to negotiate because I had assumed ministry people did not ask for a higher paid grade. Brian assured me it was okay to ask to be paid what I was worth and that the worst they could do is say no.

That is only one instance where Brian helped me to advocate for myself, but he has also advocated for me to others. Brian has stood in the gap for me multiple times and I am forever grateful for that because in ministry it is hard at times to advocate for yourself.

Having someone who cares enough, is respected and measured, and knowledgeable is key as they can engage on your behalf in ways you may not be able to.

Ministry guru.

One of the best things you can do as a youth worker is find someone who has been in youth ministry and knows what they are doing to be someone you can learn and glean from. When you can learn from someone who has been there and done that, it not only helps you avoid pitfalls but it also challenges you to be a better youth pastor.

These are people who can provide insight for teaching, games, activities and events, and also be a resource if you need a speaker for a retreat or event.

Here’s the thing: Brian is a unicorn because he fits all of these things as one person. But I want to be clear that if you don’t have someone who fits all of those characteristics, it is totally fine to have multiple people in these roles.

The point of this post is simply to encourage you to have these types of people in your life because without them, ministry would be incredibly difficult, isolating, and at times defeating. At the end of the day Brian and Tim are always up for coaching and walking with people, and if you don’t have people in your life who can fit those characteristics, I know they would both be incredibly happy to talk with you and walk with you.

Caring for Hurting Leaders

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One of the realities of serving in ministry is you will be dealing with hurt, pain, and loss. It could be helping students navigate the hurt of a broken relationship, officiating a funeral, helping struggling couples, or a variety of other circumstances. Hurt and pain are very real and they are a very important part of our career as we have the privilege of walking with others.

In as much as we care for our church community holistically, today I want to think through what it looks like to care for hurting leaders who serve alongside us in our ministries. Our leaders deal with hurt and pain just as much as anyone else, but they also carry the burden of caring for students and their pain as well. So what are some ways that can we come alongside our people and care for them?

Be available.

One of the best things you can do for your leaders is be present when needed. When they are hurting, need to talk, or just need you to be present the best thing you can do is be there for them.

That could be as simple as sitting with them, listening and empathizing, offering counseling and direction, and being a friend to them. Those moments are critical and necessary in caring for your leaders who are hurting.

Utilize additional resources.

There may be times that you need to lean into additional resources in order to care well for your people. That could be counselors and mental health professionals, food or clothing banks, hotels for housing needs, funeral homes, financial counselors, and whatever other needs you may be able to help with.

You will need to build relationships and contacts with various organizations and agencies to help when needed. When you build your resource bank up, it allows you to better care for your people by connecting them with the necessary resources to help them.

When necessary, encourage a break.

There will be moments when your leaders are going through an exceptionally difficult time that needs both a friend to walk with them but also a caring leader to encourage a break. Often, youth leaders are deeply committed to serving and don’t want to let down their students by stepping away.

But the reality of leading well means that your leaders are holistically healthy. That means you need to be willing to encourage and challenge your leaders to take a break for their own wellbeing, healing, and restoration as needed. These aren’t easy conversations but they are needed ones that should consist of love, care, and shepherding.

Send a card and encouragement.

A tangible way of loving and caring for hurting leaders is sending a handwritten card and some kind of encouragement. We often send a DoorDash or Amazon gift card or flowers to our leaders who are hurting as a way of highlighting that they have a community who loves and cares about them

Follow up.

Often a time of hurt, pain, and grief is not just a singular moment but an ongoing one. There will be ongoing moments of pain and grief. As such, we have an obligation to continue to check in, love, and care for our people. Take them out for coffee, call them, have a conversation at youth group. These follow up moments signal that you still care and are aware of what they are going through and that they aren’t alone.

Trip Tricks: Staying Healthy

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Round two of our summer mission trips has officially started. In fact, if you’re reading this when it drops we are out serving for our first full day! I love going on these trips with our students and leaders and watching God work in and through them.

But there’s also some unique complexities to being the primary leader on trips. You’re often the first one out of bed and the last to bed. You’re the stop gap for all issues. You have to handle all the non-stop questions. You probably don’t have great sleeping arrangements. And the food, well depending where you go and what stage of life you’re in, it could be better or worse than what you have at home.

The crazy thing is that the complexities I listed are just the tip of the iceberg. The true reality is that trips can take a toll on us for a variety of reasons. We can’t always control what those may be or when they happen, but we can be proactive and intentional in being prepared for them.

In this post, I don’t want to try and focus on all the various ways to prepare for all the things that may come up. It would be much too long and at that point ineffective. Instead, I would like to focus on how you can stay healthy during the trips you go on.

Practice good hygiene.

Let’s be real: youth trips can be gross. Everyone is running around and getting sweaty. You may be doing dirty work on mission trips. Shower situations may be less than ideal. But those things shouldn’t stop you from practicing good hygiene.

Staying healthy means taking care of your body in all aspects. So making sure to shower, wash your hands, sanitize when possible, not drinking or eating after other people, and even things like wearing slides in the shower are big difference makers. The last thing you want is some kind of illness or bug from a trip, and practicing good hygiene helps in large ways.

Make sure to eat well.

The majority of trips I have been on with students have decent food. Decent in the sense that you can eat it and not feel horrible. But they aren’t necessarily healthy or balanced.

Usually it’s a lot of carbs and meat coupled with a dessert of some kind that is designed to give energy for the activities ahead. And yes, they do provide a quick burst of energy but they don’t keep you going for the long haul especially as you get older.

So look for more healthy and balanced options. Grab a salad and veggies when you’re able. Don’t grab two desserts, or maybe pass on them all together. Eat some fruit.

Is this always easy to do at camps and on mission trips? No. But it’s one way of being intentional that will help you stay healthy in the long run.

Drink lots of fluids.

When I first started out in student ministry I drank a lot of coffee throughout the day. I usually would down an entire pot on my own and I could drink it until late in the evening without it keeping me up. I drank more coffee than water and I did it every day, even on trips.

But I noticed something on a mission trip in a humid climate: I had headaches, I was always thirsty, and I felt lightheaded. I realized I had not been drinking water and my body was not hydrated.

Hydration is huge to staying healthy because our bodies are roughly 60% water, which means we need water to function well. Water also helps our bodies to release toxins by passing them through our system and without that we are at greater risk of getting sick. So proper hydration helps to ensure you stay healthy during and after your trip.

Get decent rest.

I know, I laughed too when I wrote this. You’re probably thinking, “Proper rest on a trip?! Are you crazy?” Nope, just experienced.

I get it: I don’t sleep well on trips either. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to. Having a time of proper rest and sleep is necessary for you to be a good leader and to stay healthy. I know it’s not easy on a camp mattress, or when the schedule lists a lights out time of 1:00 a.m., or your cabin smells like a high school locker room.

But I also know that we don’t have to pull an all-nighter and that there are things like AdvilPM and melatonin to help us sleep well. I’m simply saying that doing your best to achieve a decent time of rest and sleep will do wonders for your health and also prevent some of the crash that comes after the trip is over.

Take time to breathe.

“Nick! Hey Nick. Nick I have a question. Nickkkk!!”

Have you ever just sat in the silence after a trip to breathe? I do it all the time. I finally don’t have students constantly yelling for me or asking questions. Breathing is a good thing, but how do you do this on a trip?

One way to make sure you get space to breathe is to champion this principle with your crew. When your leadership team is on board it allows everyone space to breathe while knowing your group is still being cared for.

Another way would be to find a time where your group is otherwise occupied (team games, night games, devotional time, etc.) and give yourself the freedom to take even just a few moments to breathe and reset. These moments are key to being able to lead well as you get re-center and decompress briefly as you prepare to engage.

Be proactive.

Taking vitamin C before a trip, getting rest ahead of your departure, bringing hand sanitizer, and having the right medicines and resources for the trip will help to ensure you stay healthy. You cannot prepare for every circumstance or outcome, but being proactive and intentional will help you to stay healthy before, during, and after your trip.

Take time to refresh when you get home.

I didn’t always do this. In fact in some ministry settings the expectation was you’d be right back in the office after a trip. But it is so important to take time to recover and refresh after a trip so you can be the best version of yourself, the version God has designed you to be.

Refreshment may look different depending on your personality, but should at minimum include a nice shower, a good meal, time with family and/or close friends, and at least a full day off to decompress, process, and sleep.

Planning Ahead: Welcome Incoming Middle School Students and Families

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As fall programming approaches, your ministry is probably preparing to welcome new middle school students into the ministry for the first time. For our ministry, middle school starts at 6th grade as we follow what the majority of schools in our area do.

These new students are often flying high after being the top dogs in their elementary schools but also feeling the angst and social pressure of starting fresh in a new environment. Do you remember your middle school years? If it was anything like mine, they were filled with awkward moments, societal pressures, new friendships, figuring out my identity, and of course all of the other struggles that come with being an adolescent.

We can all agree that the transition into middle school can be difficult, and with that reality in mind, we must think critically about how we can help to welcome these new students and their families into our ministries. Today I want to share with you a few successful ways we have tackled this over our time in ministry.

Begin building relationships early.

If our first touch point with incoming 6th graders is when fall programming starts, I’d argue we are missing the mark. Instead, when they are 5th graders we should be seeking to build connections with them. If we take time to step into the elementary ministry and get to know 5th graders and their families, it will help make the transition to middle school ministry easier as they will already have an established relationship.

Connect families with small group leaders.

Reaching out and letting families and students know who their small group leaders are is a great way to help 6th graders feel seen, welcomed, and valued. Encourage your leaders to reach out and build rapport with parents and students, and to consider hosting a meet up where everyone can get to know one another.

Host a summer gathering that includes incoming families.

A great way to make an intentional connection with incoming 6th graders is to host an event where they are invited and can meet other current students and leaders. Our summer programming centers around monthly events and we intentionally reach out to our incoming 6th grade families and invite them to join us.

We set apart time for the new families and students to meet their small group leaders, gather information from our team, ask questions, and to build relationships. Moments like this help new students and families build relationships and release some of the tension that comes with stepping into a new phase and ministry.

Honor and welcome them.

Kicking off fall programming is a great time to welcome in your new students and help them know that they belong. This could be through your setup and decor, praying over them in front of the youth group, hosting a special event to celebrate moving into middle school, providing a special gift and/or a special note, hosting a luncheon for students and families, or pairing them with an upperclassman who can help them acclimate to student ministry.

Be available.

One of the best things you can do for students and families is to be available. Depending on your church context, your people may not know where your office is, what your office hours are, or where programming takes place. Helping families and students know where things are and that you are available for them helps them know that they belong.

We intentionally show families where our student ministry offices are, make sure they know we are here for them, and highlight the resources we have for families. In a time of transition it is important that your students know they have a person/people who will be present and available for them.

What are some ways you intentionally welcome new families and students into your ministry?

Trip Tricks: Be Prepared

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Have you ever had something unexpected happen on a trip? Perhaps it was a vehicle issue, sickness or a hospital run? Maybe allergies spiked due the work you were doing or bee stings, housing arrangements not working out, or a variety of other circumstances.

I’ve personally experienced all the above and then some during the trips I have been on. Some of these issues you can handle in kind but others require you to be prepared as best you can.

When I was newer to youth ministry I didn’t think about the “what if” situations that could happen. My inexperience didn’t make me a bad youth pastor, but it did put me at a disadvantage when certain situations arose.

Looking back now, I can see various ways I wish I was prepared to handle those moments, and I want to share them with you. I hope to help you be better prepared for, if, and when those moments happen.

Keep a level head.

This is the very first thing you must have a handle on when things go awry or not as you planned. Students and volunteers alike will reflect your energy and temperament in all circumstances. If you are acting frantic, if you are experiencing a meltdown, or you seem scared or worried, they will all respond in kind.

Instead what you should do is approach each circumstance with an even response and mild temperament. When you can pause, breathe, and collect yourself, you will be able to make informed and beneficial decisions as they are needed. It will also help your group to remain calm and not panic in the moment.

Have a good first aid kit.

A first aid kit is something I’ve always made sure to have because of the years I spent working in the security industry. First aid kits that are purchased at Walmart or Amazon don’t always have all the items you will need. Bandaids and ice packs are good things to have but you will often find yourself needing a variety of items that aren’t included in a basic kit.

What I’d recommend is checking with someone who is a nurse or EMT to find out what items you should have in a first aid kit and how many of those items there should be. Then you can create a custom kit for your trips.

Know your resources.

I’ll never forget the one time we were at a camp and had a medical emergency. A student suffered a horrible concussion and needed emergency treatment. We were sent to an urgent care facility but they weren’t equipped to handle that situation so we had to call EMS to take us to a trauma hospital over an hour and a half away.

If we had known that the hospital was where we needed to be, we could have gotten there sooner (and yes, the student’s completely fine and was released that same day). That situation taught me to know what my resources were wherever I was taking students.

If you are going on a trip it’s important to know where hospitals, doctor offices, and fire departments are. Know how to get to certain places like auto part stores and mechanics. Try to plan out rest stops, gas stations, and places to eat on longer trips. Have people back home and on your trip that you can go to with various issues (having someone who knows cars is awesome and having a nurse or doctor on the team is a wonderful thing).

Train your leaders.

Another thing that will help you to be prepared on your trips is training your leaders in a variety of situations. You can get them CPR and first aid certified. You can help equip them with how to respond during emergencies and various circumstances.

You can assign them roles for each of those moments as well. Even asking leaders to simply herd and distract students while you handle the main issue is key because it allows for you to be focused on rectifying the situation.

Being over-prepared isn’t a bad thing.

My leaders jokingly chide me about how much stuff I bring on trips and how big my backpack is. I have my own first aid kit, extra items students may need, all of my documents in case they’re needed, plenty of Advil, and basically anything else I may end up needing.

Do I always need what I pack? No. But would I rather have and not need than need and not have? You better believe it.

When I think through a trip, a ministry event, and even just regular programming, I always try to be as prepared as possible to handle whatever happens. That doesn’t mean that I’m trying to be omniscient, but instead seeking to care well for my people by being prepared and ready to jump into whatever happens.

A Reminder to Be Yourself

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Aren’t you a little old to be a youth pastor? Why aren’t you higher energy? You’re not the typical youth pastor, are you? Why don’t you play more games and more events? Shouldn’t you dress like students and know everything about culture?

If you’re like me, you’ve heard some of these questions at some point in your career. Maybe not the first question, especially if you’re just starting in youth ministry, but I’d be willing to bet we have all heard some version of these kinds of questions.

Truth be told, I struggled with my identity as a student pastor for many years. I went to all the conferences, followed all the trending youth workers and influencers, read all the articles, and began to craft our student ministry to look like the ones we saw online.

The reality of ministry in the age of media and technology is that we are consistently presented with a “picture” or “image” of what our ministries and—by extension, we—should look like.

And yes, there is a prototypical look for student ministries and student workers. I mean stop and think about this for a moment. If you were asked to describe what a “typical” youth ministry should look like, what would you say? What would you compare it to? What about you? Who would you compare yourself to or style your ministry and appearance after?

I think for many of us, we default to the popular, large, and financially capable ministries. Now hear me on this: I’m not saying that how those ministries and youth workers do ministry is wrong or broken or not beneficial. But that isn’t meant to be the standard or our standard. In fact, we need to embrace ourselves, our strengths, our context, and our students.

Too often we try to emulate or reflect what it seems like everyone else is doing. But the reality is this: our students don’t need a reflection, a copy, or what everyone else is doing or being. They need you!

They need you in their context, in their communities, and in their present reality. They don’t need someone else. They don’t need the next big thing. They don’t need the lights, the haze, the glitz and glam. We cannot compete or replicate all the bells and whistles of culture, nor should we try to. Our students need an authentic, transparent, and relational youth pastor who loves them where they are and is directing them to a radical, life-altering, world-changing relationship with Jesus.

When we understand that truth, we realize that each and every one of us has been uniquely chosen and gifted by God to reach those students in their contexts. We all have strengths and weaknesses, but God has planted us where we need to be right now.

Who you are is just as God designed you to be so you can lovingly shepherd and disciple students in their faith journey. Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, someone who is artistic or someone who is a gamer, whether you love sports or would rather read a book, whether your style is on point or you simply grab what’s clean. God has intentionally placed you where are to be the best student worker possible and He has uniquely gifted you to that end.

So embrace who you are! Live out your gifting! Love students and point them to Jesus! Never try to be something you are not. Never cave to the pressures or presuppositions of culture. Don’t try to reflect, seek to be authentic.

By doing this, you will see your students not only grow closer to you but you will see them grab onto a Savior that loves them as much as He loves you and accepts them as they are.

Quick Tip: Recharge After a Trip

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When this post gets published I’ll be serving with a group of leaders and students in Hunt, Texas. This is our first mission trip of the summer and it’s one that is focused on helping a community rebuild and heal after devastating flooding.

I love taking students on mission trips and retreats. These moments are so important in the spiritual journey of students and I get the privilege of seeing God work in and through them in amazing ways. I always come away from these trips excited about what God is doing and seeing all the change that happens in the lives of my students as they serve and lead. I truly love going on these trips and sharing in the experience with my leaders and students and it’s one the many things I love about my job.

But can I be real with you? I’m also wiped out after these trips. I’ve realized I’m starting to get older and sleeping on a camp bunk or sleeping bags on the floor doesn’t always agree with me. Only getting a few hours of sleep for multiple nights on end runs me down. Being on for multiple days and not having any down time makes me feel depleted.

In fact, maybe you’re like me but when I get back from a trip and everyone has finally left to go home, I sit in my car for five minutes in silence. No more “Nick,” “Hey, Nick,” “Nick, can I.” It’s just…quiet. This is just one of my ways I recharge. The reality is trips require a lot from us and while they are amazing and beneficial, they also can be depleting to those who run and facilitate them.

So if trips are depleting, how do we actually recharge when they are completed? The truest answer I can give you is this: it depends on the person. I know what recharges me, but that doesn’t mean it’s the same for you. For me, recharging includes pausing and resting after a trip. That means I take some time off to recoup and catch my breath. I also love to clean up and put things away after a trip (I know I have a problem). I also enjoy having familiar food whether it’s a pizza from our local pizza shop or having a nice home cooked meal. But I’ll be honest and let you know that 99% of the time it’s a pizza because it’s easy, delicious, and means no prep.

For others it may be hanging out with friends, it might be reading, watching your favorite show, spending time with your spouse, or just a good nights rest in your own bed (can I get an amen?!). My point is this: you cannot keep running on coffee and adrenaline. I get it: coming back from a camp, a retreat, or mission trip you can feel that rush but I promise you that if you just run on that you’ll begin to feel depleted very quickly.

I wish someone had told me about the importance of recharging after trips. I wouldn’t take time off, I would just go right back to work. But that method will lead to faster burnout and depletion because you aren’t taking care of yourself. We must take intentional steps to ensure we have recharged and recovered so we can be the best version of ourselves to our families and the people we lead and disciple. Not taking time to recharge is actually harming ourselves and those we love. So, after a trip, my encouragement is simple: recharge in the way that best suits you. But make sure to be intentional about doing so. This isn’t just a quick power nap, but something that intentionally nourishes you so you can continue in the calling God has given to you.

Don’t Just Wing It

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“Don’t worry about it. It’s just one week and they won’t care. Just wing it.”

I’ll never forget this conversation that happened early on in my student ministry career. It was a busy week with multiple unexpected add-ons and I was struggling to put together a lesson for my students. I asked a friend for some advice on what to do and they gave me the above quote.

Honestly, when they said that to me, my first thought was, “Yeah, that’ll work.” But the more I ruminated on it, the less receptive I became. I managed to restructure my week and put together an intentional lesson for my students. Was it my best? No. Was it super impactful? Maybe, that’s up to my students to say. But was it intentional and thoughtfully designed for them? Yes.

Too often ministry gets busy. Our weeks and lives are often thrown off by random meetings, activities, our personal lives, and more. Rarely do I have two weeks in a row that are the same. There’s always something to do and it feels like our work is never done. But that shouldn’t stop us from intentionally putting together lessons and messages for our students.

Students have long been the recipients of lackadaisical teaching. Whether in the church or school settings. In fact, some of my interns this year told me stories of teachers using AI to craft their lessons or just showing videos for weeks on end. This is not a shot at teachers because the majority of them are amazing, but instead a treatise on the reality of the teaching and guidance our students are receiving.

Students desire authenticity. They want interpersonal connection. They want to ask questions and wrestles with things they are being taught. They want to know people care. They long to be seen.

When we wing it and don’t put intentional effort and thought into our ministry, we are causing more harm than good to our students. I’m not saying there aren’t times when we have to put something together on the fly, but that should not be how we conduct ministry regularly.

As ministers of the Gospel we have a responsibility to God and the people we serve to do our best when it comes to leading, speaking, and discipleship. We cannot and should not simply “wing it” as an approach. Our students deserve the best because that is what Jesus offered to His disciples and encouraged all of them to offer the people to whom they ministered.

So what should we do if our schedules are overwhelming, if we feel stretched to our max, if it seems like we are constantly underwater and fighting to just make it through each week?

I think first and foremost you need to step back and see what can be changed or removed from your plate and schedule. Are there things you don’t need to be doing? Are there aspects of your ministry you could offload? Could you change your rhythms or restructure how you manage your time?

I also think it is worthwhile to assess how your teaching is formatted and your ministry setting. How long do you teach for? Would it be helpful to trim that back? How is your program structured? Could you reassess how it flows in order to better help you with planning and weekly preparation? Are there trusted individuals and volunteers you could empower to help teach, prepare, and facilitate your ministry?

Another aspect to consider is talking with your direct supervisor. Being honest and sharing where you are at is not an admission of failure or inability. It’s a sign of strength. We are not meant to do all the things nor should we. Instead, we need to share the load and asking for help takes us away from a me-centered approach to truly what Jesus had in mind by empowering multiple people to serve and facilitate the ministry.

My encouragement to you is this: be thoughtful, intentional, and relational in how you lead and teach. Don’t just wing it, but be purposeful. By doing the things that we shared, not only are you being intentional with your ministry, you are also protecting yourself from burnout, offering the best to your students, and empowering others to lead.

Planning Ahead: Senior Commissioning

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It is never too early to begin preparing to honor your seniors. I am a firm believer that when we celebrate our graduates it should be more than simply marching them on stage and presenting them to the congregation. These are young adults that we have poured into for years through the discipleship process and we are now sending them out as ambassadors for the kingdom of heaven.

This isn’t just a celebration, it’s a commissioning. We are sending students all over the world in a variety of spheres, and they will have limitless opportunities to reach others with the Good News. That means we must be intentional, thoughtful, and relational in how we commission them, which requires planning ahead to ensure success and intentionality.

No matter how many seniors you have, you should begin preparing in January of their graduation year. Stepping into these moments and thoughtfully preparing for them will help make them thoughtful and intentional. Here are a few key ways to make this time special for your seniors.

Make it intentional and thoughtful.

I’ve referenced this a handful of times in this post but I haven’t shared how we actually do this. You know your students and families. You have sojourned with these young adults through the ups and downs of their lives. You know their stories.

What I’m saying is this: you know how to best make this moment intentional. You know what speaks best to your students and what will encourage them.

You can do this through a church-wide commissioning where they are prayed over. It may be through honoring and celebrating them at youth group. You could allow your seniors to share their anecdotes and encouragements to their peers at a senior night. You could put together a special brochure honoring your graduates, send them a personal card, or provide a special night for their small group.

These moments are up to you, but the intentionality and thoughtfulness you put into them will help honor and celebrate your graduates.

Provide next steps.

I’ll be honest with you and share that this was something I didn’t always do well. When we were serving in Iowa, I just assumed our college ministry would automatically pick up where we left off, but that wasn’t the case. I’ve learned we need to provide next steps to ensure our students have opportunities to continue connecting with the local church.

For graduating seniors, you have put in seven or more years building relational equity and trust. That means that your insight and voice matter when helping students take next steps. Intentionally connect them with your college and young adult ministries. Utilize college ministries for those going to college. Find opportunities for students to serve in your church and where they are going.

Next steps aren’t just about a handoff, it’s about continuing the discipleship process in meaningful ways to help your graduates thrive.

Utilize the body.

This is something we have started to do at our church and I love it because it helps our students to see they are supported and loved, and also an important part of the church.

One of the ways we utilize the body is by having them pray over our students during the commissioning. It’s a powerful moment as we ask for families, friends, small group leaders, and others who have walked with these students to come and lay hands on them as we send them out on mission.

We also ask our entire church body to stand and pray for our graduates as we commission them and for them to commit to being for our seniors as they continue to grow. You could also utilize the church to help honor your students by asking them to host a meal for the seniors and families. You could also ask for the church staff and church as a whole to sign cards and commit to praying for the graduates.

Create intentional moments for families.

When I think about our senior commissioning, I’m always trying to find intentional opportunities to include families. Inviting families on stage to pray over their students is one way we seek to do this.

We also set aside time for families to encourage, pray for, and speak truth over their graduate during the reception. We have heard how busy families are and how thankful they are when we slow things down and provide space for them to intentionally engage with one another. Helping families engage is key and it’s something our graduates will remember for years to come.

Provide a special gift.

Do you remember what your gift was from your church when you graduated (if you got one)?

I think I got a book when I graduated. I’m not sure what the book was and I’m pretty sure it became a doorstop during college. That’s not a shot at my youth pastor at all. I know him and I believe the gift was meant to be thoughtful, but there was no explanation or guidance to it. It was simply “here’s a book.”

I’m fully aware that budgets vary throughout ministries, and I’m not arguing for big or expensive gifts, but rather one that’s thoughtful and personal.

It could be a student’s favorite candy bar and handwritten card. Maybe it is a book inscribed with a personal note and a gift card to Starbucks so the student can share their story with their friends. Perhaps it’s a gift bag with candy, snacks, fun little celebratory gifts, and a special gift for the graduate. The purpose with a gift is to provide something that is special, intentional, personal, and practical.

Quick Tip: Ask for Help

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I’ll never forget the first time I used the coffee pot in our church office hallway. I’ve drank coffee for most of my life and I’ve brewed coffee in more coffee pots than I can count. And how hard could it really be? Well, harder than I thought. There were two buttons and I hit the wrong one which actually cycled the machine off and took an exceptionally long time to restart and reheat to make the coffee.

The worst part: I was with another staff member who was showing me around and rather than ask for help I asserted “I know how this works.” And as they were trying to explain what not to do, I hit the wrong button.

Now, hopefully, you can laugh along with me at the absurdity of this true story, but let me pose a question. Have you ever tried to do something on your own without asking for help? Have you ever done that knowing you should ask for help?

From my experience, it can be extremely difficult for those serving in ministry to ask for assistance. I believe this is rooted in a variety of reasons including being told we are part of an elite group after graduating from college or grad school. We know how to function in isolation, we have learned to trust ourselves and our motivations, we have become fairly self sufficient, and perhaps there has been a lack of effective and helpful guidance.

Regardless of the reason why, many ministry leaders are hesitant to ask for help and that is extremely problematic. When we try to go on our own, when we refuse to seek help, when we simply try to push through, these responses will inevitably lead to burn out, anger and frustration, hurt, bitterness, and further isolation. I’ve seen this too many times to count and I’ve been there as well. Trying to do it on our own and not asking for help is a recipe for disaster.

When we live and work in isolation we aren’t just hurting ourselves, but also building ourselves into isolation and potentially causing harm to others by not allowing them to thrive. When we go at it on our own we are not actually giving our people what they need because we are often leading out of emptiness. Leading out of emptiness is not helpful to anyone and is destructive to yourself and those you’re leading.

So what are we supposed to do?

Ask for help. It sounds simple, but it is also incredibly hard because it means admitting we cannot do it all on our own. This can feel like failure, but it is actually life saving. Asking for help feels incredibly difficult and near impossible in the moment, but doing so will actually help you flourish, refresh, and release the weight you shouldn’t be carrying.

Here’s what I would suggest: find someone you can be authentic with and share how you’re feeling. After you’re done sharing how you’re feeling progress in one of these ways: ask them for help and give them permission to do so, ask them to go with you to the person (i.e. a supervisor) to help advocate for you. Be willing to listen to their suggestions and implement them. Part of being authentic means owning what is happening and not suffering in silence. But in order for that to be beneficial, you also need to be willing to hear and receive help.

Admitting you need help is difficult. Being willing to receive help is harder still. However, when you admit and receive help, you are removing the weight you’ve placed on yourself or the weight that has been placed on you, and allowing for the body of Christ to truly be the body as they walk with and care for you.

If you need someone to talk to, or an advocate, know that we are here for you. We’d be honored to hear your story and to walk with you.