Tag: recommendations

Book Review: She Deserves Better

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I’m back and reviewing another highly-recommended book by the team that brought us The Great Sex Rescue. As a regular listener to Sheila Wray Gregoire’s Bare Marriage podcast, and a survivor of growing up in purity culture, I was so excited to hear about–and get my hands on–her team’s new book, She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self & Speaking Up (written by Sheila, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky). And once I did, I was not disappointed.

Since this blog is dedicated to youth ministry and those serving within that context, let me start by saying up front, you need to read this book regardless of your gender, role within the church, or parental status. Yes, it is written in a format for mothers to read and discuss with their daughters. However, if you work with young people in any context, you need to take time to read, think through, and reckon with the topics discussed in She Deserves Better. Unfortunately, certain harmful messages and teachings have been accepted as Bible fact, and been propagated through the church for decades, and it’s time for that to end.

In She Deserves Better, the authors deal with topics surrounding girls’ faith, well-being and self esteem, emotional health, respect and boundaries, dating and identifying of toxic relationship traits, sex education and consent, and existing as a person who is allowed to take up space. Within each chapter they unpack harmful teachings from a biblical, evidenced-based perspective with scientific facts, personal stories, and examples from their surveys of thousands of women. And they particularly focus on church-based contexts, which most often involve youth group experiences.

Undoubtedly, there will be parts of this book that make some readers uncomfortable. If you’ve been drinking purity culture Kool-Aid all your life, some of these conversations may make you cringe, or make you feel like purity culture and its teachings are being attacked. But here’s the thing, if we begin to uncover things that are proven to be systemically harmful to others, we have a responsibility to do something about it. That may include painful introspection as we think about the messages we’ve preached. It may include dealing with how we have treated or silenced others along the way. And for some, it may include unlearning teachings that have been ingrained in us since birth.

Some of us could easily sit back and say, “purity culture didn’t directly harm me,” or “I thought this was biblical,” or worse yet, claim we didn’t know better and therefore are excused. But these things are no longer an excuse to continue down a destructive road or turn a blind eye to it. We should know better, we do know better, and now it’s time to do better, both for the next generation, but also the countless women who need help deconstructing layers of shame, assault, and toxic teachings. She Deserves Better starts us down the road to do just that. 

If you are a parent, I encourage you to invest in this book and use it to have conversations with your children (girls and boys, because heaven knows we need to raise up men who know how to treat women). If you are a pastor, youth pastor, or lay leader, please invest in this book, not just to share with parents, though that is strongly encouraged, but also to help educate yourself. If you are leading parents and students in any capacity, these topics will come up. The best thing you can do is educate yourself so that you can handle them correctly and well.

If you aren’t a parent or a “youth person,” but you came out of purity culture scarred and broken, I would also encourage you to give the gift of this book to yourself. Let yourself unpack the baggage, begin to heal the wounds, reteach your younger self, and move forward with freedom in Christ. Many of the issues unpacked in She Deserves Better boil down to mistreatment of women within church culture. And if that has been your experience, I am so deeply sorry and I carry that pain with you. You didn’t deserve it, and you don’t deserve it now. As the book states, you deserve better.

May we have the courage to collectively work to build a better world for girls and women, with the church leading the way. This book is just one step on that journey, but it is a big step, and I invite you to take it with us.

The Passage Ceremony: Celebrating Students’ Milestones

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Students have a lot of big milestones in their lives. There’s graduation from pre-k, kindergarten, and junior high. There’s turning 16. Becoming an Eagle Scout. Getting their license. Going to prom. Turning 18. Graduation from high school. And many more celebratory moments.

The sad truth is many of these milestones aren’t celebrated or honored for a variety of reasons. People are busy, so family and friends can’t always make it. There are conflicting schedules and events; people don’t always want to go to ceremonies because of the time commitment. And because there are so many moments in students’ lives, it is easy to assume you can skip one and simply show up at another.

The truth is these moments in students’ lives are pivotal and quite important in how they mentally develop and grow, the shaping of their identity, and their understanding of the Gospel. If these milestones are so important, let me pose a question: when was the last time your church celebrated these moments in the lives of your students? I don’t ask this question to shame or make us feel bad, but instead to push us to do some self-reflection. If I’m being honest, until moving to our current church, I never really considered these moments and didn’t do anything to celebrate them other than going to graduation parties.

But is that the best and only option? Or is there something more that we can be doing? The more I’ve thought about the ways we honor, celebrate, commission, and challenge our students, the more I want to share with you something that we have refined and honed over the past six years in order to do just that: The Passage Ceremony. I know, the name needs work, but let me highlight what this is and how we utilize this ceremony to honor and challenge our students. This isn’t a one size fits all approach, but instead is a resource you can adapt and leverage in your ministry setting and refine to make it beneficial for your context.

The Passage Ceremony.

In the course of middle school and high school ministry there are many key milestones that can and should be celebrated. We have chosen three aspects to focus on: transitioning into 6th grade (or middle school), transitioning into 9th grade, and high school graduation. The reason we chose to focus on these moments is because they are shared among students holistically. Not all students go to prom, not all students do extracurricular activities, not all students get their license at the same time. These three moments typically hit the majority of students and allow for the greatest impact. Therefore, the Passage Ceremony centers around these three “rites of passage.”

Our Passage Ceremony has a few key aspects to it. Here is what they include:

1. Food and community. We make sure to provide a lunch for the families who are coming to the ceremony and we utilize round tables to facilitate conversation and community. We also bring in our volunteer leaders to connect them with our students and families.

2. Explanation of the ceremony. We have someone stand up during the meal time to talk to families about why we are hosting the ceremony, what it is for, and to share our commitment to students and families.

3. Intentional time for parents to speak into the lives of students. We know families are busy and life gets crazy, so we carve out 30 minutes for parents and guardians to speak into the lives of their students. We provide some guidance for what this looks like but have found that parents typically come prepared and actually would desire more time because of how impactful it is.

4. Honoring of students. When families come back from their time of encouragement, we host the formal part of the ceremony. We call up students individually according to their grades and give them a gift. Before we call them up, we explain why we are doing this and the symbolism to our ceremony. It is a time of encouragement, celebration, and intentional discipleship.

We take time in the months leading up to The Passage Ceremony to communicate with families what we are doing and what we are asking of them. At the end of this post, I’ve included that letter for you to utilize if you would like.

How to utilize celebratory moments.

In the letter below, you will see some of the order and flow for this ceremony. Additional things we provide include a light luncheon, facilitating the ceremony, and having a time of celebration and recognition at the end. Here are some key things to highlight in celebratory moments:

1. Make sure to recognize key people. This could include parents, students, volunteer leaders, ministry leaders, and others. Recognizing and pointing to them helps to highlight the focus and who the event is for.

2. Have a good facilitator and communicator. When you are honoring students it is important to have someone who can speak truth and encouragement into their lives with intentionality. You don’t want someone who doesn’t know them or stumbles over what to say because that doesn’t communicate value and worth. But having someone who does communicate well helps your students know they are loved and have a place to call home.

3. Make the environment celebratory. This could be as simple as having food and music, or you could decorate your space with balloons and centerpieces, or you could provide gifts. Whatever you choose make sure to be intentional and seek to create an atmosphere that celebrates your students.

4. Connect them with their leaders. Bringing your leaders into these moments is key because it values them, connects them to their students, and introduces them to parents.

5. Pray over your students. Let them know that they are loved and seen, and that they matter to you and to God. So pray for them and be in their corner.

Letter to Families:

As I have served in student ministries, I have seen a strong desire in parents to lead and guide their children as disciples, but the big question has always been “how?” The Passage Ceremony is one way for us to offer guidance to you and your students by giving you time and space to have needed conversations and by allowing us to support one another in this ongoing discipleship process. Parents, church leadership, and volunteer leaders will be part of this ceremony to signify the student’s desire to live as a disciple of Jesus.

Ceremonies are not a regular part of our culture, but with purpose and direction they can have a powerful impact on the discipleship journey of students. The Passage Ceremony is designed for you, as parents or a significant person in a student’s life, to have the opportunity to personally and privately give spiritual guidance and discipleship to them. The spiritual guidance should focus on:

  1. Affirming your commitment to being faithful parents and supporters of your student(s);
  2. Presenting or reviewing clear and specific guidance and evaluation of your student(s) as they continue to live as disciples of Jesus who are sent to build the kingdom of God.

Our vision for this ceremony is threefold:

  1. To affirm God’s design for parents and supporters as the main disciple-maker of their children;
  2. To affirm our commitment to you as a church and specifically as a student ministry to walk and partner with you in this discipleship process;
  3. To provide a meaningful opportunity for you to partner with the church to mark this significant milestone in their life together and commission them to continue to live as a disciple of Jesus.

Ceremonies typically have a symbol attached to them. We request that you supply a special Bible to use as the symbol of this ceremony. In the past families have purchased a new study Bible or use a special Bible they already have. The NIV Bible is highly suggested since it is the translation we most often use at church. Feel free to supply whatever size or color you would like.

We highly recommend that you use the inside cover to write a special note of vision and blessing to your student. Please drop off your signed Bible to the Receptionist’s Office to allow time for our staff to write in it as well. This Bible will be presented to your student(s) at the ceremony. Should you need any assistance in finding or purchasing a Bible, please contact our team and we will do all we can to assist you.

We will also provide time and space for you as parents to speak encouragement, affirmation, and Biblical truth into the life of your student. I would encourage you to think through this ahead of time so you can share this with them on Sunday. You could share why you are proud of them, what you are looking forward to experiencing with them, your desire to walk with them through this next phase of life, the truth of what you have seen God do in their lives, a life verse that you chose for them and why you chose it, and your prayer for them going forward.

5 Tips for Hosting an End of the School Year Celebration

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We recently capped off our school year by hosting our “End of the Year Celebration.” We had local ice cream and other snacks, games, Drift Trikes, music, and small groups. It was an absolute blast with so many fun moments and memories.

Our rhythm has been that we scale back summer programming because we live in a tourist area. Our local populace leaves for vacation as the tourists come in, which presents unique circumstances to contend with. Our ministry engages the summer in a way that allows us to best minister to our students and families by hosting specific gatherings, events, and by incorporating different summer trips.

I know that not all of us enter the end of the school year in the same way. Many ministries run a full program year-round, so thinking about a year-end celebration may not sound like something you would host. But I would still encourage you, regardless of your ministry rhythms, to highlight the end of the school year for your students. There are certain milestones in our students’ lives that are important, but often slip by unnoticed, and this is one of them. Being able to recognize their hard work and achievement, and to celebrate the start of a new season, is important and will show them love and care.

If you host celebrations like these, how do you ensure they are successful and meaningful for your students while still supporting the vision and mission of your program? I want to share a few tips I have learned over the years that help to ensure that these moments are truly successful for your ministry, your leaders, and your students.

1. Make it relational and fun.

Year-end celebrations should be highly relational and centered around bringing students together to recognize the milestone. These are celebratory opportunities to engage and have fun with your students as they do the same with their friends. The end of the school year can be hyper-stressful and busy. Simply creating a space to have fun and celebrate with people who love and care about them gives students an opportunity to relax and feel seen and loved.

The focus of these celebrations should be about connection and community. So seek to have activities that bring people together, create moments for small groups to connect, provide free snacks, and encourage your leaders to hang out and connect with their students.

2. Utilize local resources.

One of my favorite things to do it support local small businesses whenever possible. We recently had a new ice creamery open in one of our nearby communities and we have partnered with them with great success. It isn’t just the local partnership that makes this a success. It’s the fact that our students know and love the ice creamery and when we announce we have them coming to an event, they are instantly excited and invite their friends. When you know your community resources and which ones attract students, you can utilize that resource to bless and engage your community.

3. Incorporate music, games, and activities.

One of the best things you can do is think about what type of environment you want for this event and what type of environment will bring in your students. One big thing you can do is have music playing that is fun and upbeat. Music helps to create an atmosphere and helps to ensure that there aren’t moments of awkward silence.

Think through the games and activities you’d like to have to celebrate this moment. You could have organized games or it could just be a free time type of night where students get to choose between multiple activities. I would also encourage you to not forget the students who aren’t game or large activity types of people. It is so important that those students know they are welcomed and valued in these moments. This could be as simple as setting up tables away from loud activities and speakers–but still within the space that everything is happening–which have board games, fidgets, coloring books, and other fun activities.

4. Make sure to speak truth to and pray for your students.

One of the things we need to remember is summer isn’t always fun or easy for all of our students. In fact, summer can be really difficult for students. There may be tensions and difficulties at home, they may lose a large piece of their community, there are shifts to rhythms and changes in schedules, there are decisions to be made about their future, and so many other factors competing for their focus. This isn’t true for all of our students, but it is important to remember these things because as we focus on the spiritual piece.

Make sure to carve out time speak a word of Biblical encouragement to your students and to pray for them. This doesn’t need to be a 45-minute lesson; it can be short and sweet but intentional and relationally-focused. The more authentic and intentional this time is, the more students will feel seen and understood.

5. Honor your leaders.

In as much as this is an event and celebration for your students, for many ministries these celebrations only happen because of your volunteers. So I would encourage you to find a way to honor and celebrate them in front of your students. This has a twofold benefit: it shows your leaders how appreciative you are of them, and it shows your students how important your leaders are. You are creating a culture that values leaders and students and highlights the necessity of a discipleship-centered ministry. All of this takes place as you point to your leaders and acknowledge them, their sacrifices, and their hard work.

Why Staff Reviews are Important

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What comes to mind when you hear the words “staff review”? I know I tend to cringe a little and start thinking about my review and if I have met the expectations of my job. I am my own worst critic and tend to hold myself to higher standards than are expected.

But what if you have staff reporting to you? What comes to your mind when you think of conducting staff reviews? Do you have a methodology? Does your staff know how reviews are conducted? How often are they done?

Reviews tend to get a bad rap as many of us have either experienced an unhealthy or unhelpful review and many others have potentially never had a review. And it seems that this is only compounded within church circles. Many friends of mine have said that their reviews are not helpful or have caught them off guard. They haven’t been guided in how to give reviews, or reviews have never happened.

In this post my intent is twofold: to help you understand how reviews are helpful and beneficial for you, and how to conduct reviews for those who report to you. Reviews don’t need to be scary, uneasy, or difficult to conduct. They should be beneficial, encouraging and shaping, and strengthening for all involved.

Be honest.

Whether you are conducting the review or receiving one, honesty is paramount. If you disagree with something that is said, share it. If you’re providing feedback, be clear and transparent. These moments don’t need to be combative or critical, but by providing honest and clear insight and critiques you and your staff will grow and flourish. When we aren’t honest or beat around the bush, it causes a lack of clarity and leads to tensions, frustrations, and unmet expectations.

Have clear expectations.

Expectations are a must for anyone conducting or receiving a review. Clearly articulating what is expected and needed from the person receiving the review allows them to know how to best perform and excel at their job and in its functions. When the person receives those expectations, they know how to grow and mature in their role and they clearly know what their next review will focus on. If you are the one administering the review this allows you to lead well and hold your team accountable for the expectations you have set. This also helps there to be clarity and no unmet expectations for the reviewer or the reviewed.

Set up a timeline for reviews.

When it comes to holding reviews for your team, communicate your rhythm for conducting them. A good metric for new staff is to do a 90-day review, a six-month review, and then an annual one. For staff that has been with you for more than a year, conducting annual reviews is a great way to continually walk with your team. However, you may find it better to host six-month reviews because it allows you and your team to focus on or reset expectations. Whatever your rhythm looks like, let me encourage you to honor it and be consistent. Nothing tells a staff member that they don’t matter like not giving them a review. While they can be intimidating, not getting a review devalues someone and takes away their dignity and worth. So be consistent with offering reviews and keeping to your rhythm.

Communicate clearly.

Whether you are receiving a review or conducting the review, be sure to communicate clearly and concisely. A productive review process should allow both parties to be honest and clear with what they are saying, hearing, and acknowledging. Being clear and concise means that everyone is on the same page with what is being shared. It doesn’t mean everyone agrees but it does mean everyone is heard and their words are valued and received.

Highlight strengths and areas for improvement.

A good review highlights both strengths and growth areas. Everyone always has areas in which to grow, and a good review will not only indicate those areas, it will provide opportunities to take action steps and develop those areas. A good reviewer will also be kindly honest about growth areas rather than trying to sugarcoat them or act like everything is perfect. When you highlight the strengths of the person being reviewed, make sure to celebrate the wins and ways in which they used their strengths well.

Listen well.

One of the best things you can do in a review, regardless of whether you are receiving or administering it, is to listen to what is being said. The key to listening well is not to listen for faults or issues, but to listen for what is truly being said. Engaging in active listening helps you to truly understand what is being said as you look for key things and ask follow-up questions to gain clarity. If you are told you need to show up on time, a good response would be to ask if you had not already been doing so or to clarify what on time means for your supervisor as it may look different.

Another aspect of listening well is that it highlights the value and worth of the other person. It shows intentionality, care, and a desire for authentic community which are all hallmarks to a successful ministry.

Ask questions.

A good review allows for both the reviewer and the person being reviewed to ask questions. A reviewer will ask follow up questions, questions to guide reflection and perspective, and questions to clarify that both parties are on the same page. When someone is being reviewed, they should ask questions to clarify what is being shared and also to find ways to improve based on critiques and guidance.

Be relational and show care.

This is a fine line when it comes to a review because you must balance the professional relationship and the personal relationship. There is a professional responsibility for a supervisor to supervise, but due to working in a church environment, we should also care about the individual at a deeper, more relational level. You shouldn’t sacrifice one for the other, but instead seek to balance them well. This means not just indicating areas of improvement but also helping them to grow and walking with them in it. This approach also allows you to speak truth but in a loving and honest way that highlights how you are for the person. This will also help the person receiving the review to feel the permission to speak honestly and directly with their supervisor in an effort to gain clarity and direction.

Pray for them.

I think prayer is something we should incorporate into our daily rhythms and into the review process. When we pour into our team and are relational, we get to know more about them beyond simple job performance or functionality. We get to know them on a personal level which means we have an opportunity to be for them, and a great way to embrace that is through prayer.

Pray for them during the review process, but don’t make it a holier-than-thou type of prayer. Make it authentic and relational. Don’t focus simply on the job, but ask how you can pray for them now and over the next period of time. Doing this will not only help to strengthen relational rapport, it will allow you to embrace the leadership God has given to you as you truly shepherd those He has placed under your care.

5 Keys to Crafting Intentional Summer Programming

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Summer programming is just around the corner! In fact we will be wrapping up our regular programming in May and switching things up as our students and families change their rhythms and habits. I have served in enough student ministries to experience different rhythms and structures during the summer, but our current ministry context presents some unique opportunities and hurdles.

Living in a tourist community means our town sees an uptick in people but tourists don’t always come on vacation looking for a church or youth program. And while tourists come in to visit the town, the locals head out on vacations to relax and get away from the craziness in town. That means we experience a significant drop in attendance and in the number of volunteers that we have.

For each ministry and ministry leader, summer programming will look different. Some ministries don’t have any changes and run full programming all year long. Others scale back their programming and focus on intentional meet ups and trips. And still others have no programming. Regardless of where you are and how you run your ministry during the summer, intentional programming can help you create buy-in and cultivate a consistent vision that everyone knows and can be onboard with.

1. Understand your community rhythms.

When you know the rhythms and habits of your community, it allows you to think critically about the type of programming you will host. Some student ministry programs will continue running normally because students and leaders will be present. Others may need to think more creatively about what do as much of their community goes on vacation. But as you know and understand these rhythms, you will be able to offer options that best suit your people and meet their needs.

2. Know your volunteer strength.

Volunteers are the key to success for our ministry based on our program model. Regardless of the size of your ministry, you are probably in the same place. Even having two volunteers in a small ministry can make a huge impact for the students you’re ministering to. You may also need a certain ratio of leaders to students or may be required to have a certain number of leaders present due to working with minors.

With that being said, knowing your volunteer strength during the summer allows you to plan events and gatherings accordingly. If you don’t have your normal number of leaders, you will need to think practically and creatively about when to host gatherings and what they will look like. Another thing to consider is whether your volunteers are able to serve year round. Your volunteers–while they may never say this due to their love of the ministry–may need a break periodically. So consider their health and well-being as that is key to their effectiveness and to truly having the full strength of your volunteers.

3. Choose ideas, events, and focuses that highlight your vision.

Whatever your programming looks like this summer, let me encourage you to be intentional in highlighting your vision. Even if your programming looks different than during the school year, you can still make sure that whatever you’re doing is intentionally focused on growing and pouring into your students. The more intentional you are with highlighting your vision, the more buy-in you will generate with leaders, students, and parents.

4. Focus on relationships, community, and outreach.

Summertime presents us with a unique opportunity to reach and engage with our community, especially with those who may not have attended our church or ministry during the school year. Since school and extracurriculars associated with it have ended, students may be more inclined to attend your ministry and the events that you host. Because you may reach people who haven’t come before, I want to encourage you to make the most of these moments by focusing on relationship-building and fostering new interactions as you share about Jesus.

It is important to curate venues and opportunities that allow and encourage your students to invite their friends and interact with new people. Then, as new students are coming, be intentional with what you share and focus on clearly explaining the Gospel. These don’t need to be hours-long tent gatherings, but instead could include carving out 10-15 minutes to share about Jesus and then allow for further community and time for people to fellowship and ask questions as needed. Hopefully the summertime affords you a new opportunity to reach people you haven’t been reaching.

5. Plan ahead and communicate.

This is a big deal for me, probably because I am a planner at heart and love to know what is happening and when so I can prepare for everything. For families and leaders, having a plan for summer and communicating it will allow them to plan their schedules accordingly. It is also important to clearly communicate your plan and expectations to your leaders for the summertime. Doing this will help you know your volunteers’ level of commitment and ability to serve which will allow you to best plan your summer schedule.

In planning and communicating your programming, you should start first with your leaders to make sure you can actually do what you’re envisioning and that you will have enough leaders. Then you should communicate the plan to parents and students through multiple venues (online, emails, newsletters, in print, in person, etc.) and multiple times. I would also encourage you to have your plan ready and communicated at least a month before your summer programming starts. Many people are building their summer schedules earlier in the year and so the sooner you have a plan, the more likely families are to incorporate it into their summer schedules.

The Value of Community Partnerships

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As a church and specifically as a student ministry we are blessed to have multiple community partnerships. Throughout our time in Hershey I have made it a priority to reach out to local restaurants, bakeries, community centers, organizations, and product service companies. And through that we have formed some amazing partnerships in which we have clearly seen God work.

We partnered with a local product service company to purchase Christmas gifts for our leaders and through those interactions we saw our contact start attending our church and become a member as well. Last year, we partnered with a local ice cream shop for a student event. The owner is a single parent and she and her team (all high school students) were so blown away by how our students and church treated them that they have offered to help us out whenever. This relationship was truly highlighted when the owner called us because she had a power failure and needed a place to keep her product. She is unchurched and as far as we can tell not a follower of Jesus. But she felt comfortable enough to reach out because she saw our church and our community as a safe and caring space.

But why should we utilize local community partnerships, especially if we can find cheaper options online? Is there a benefit? Is it worth it in the long run? Today, I want to highlight why I think these community partnerships are important and how these relationships can benefit all involved.

Think about who you will partner with.

This is key when it comes to building partnerships and making sure you are highlighting your vision and mission for your ministry. For each ministry or church, the organizations and people you partner with may look different, but there should be a purpose for who you partner with. For instance, we partnered with the local ice cream shop because it resonates with our students and presents an easy invite opportunity which meets a part of our vision. When we partner with local service companies for our t-shirts and branding, it allows for us to support a local organization, build relationships, and provide quality products, all of which are wins for us. So thinking through who you will partner with allows you to have the greatest impact and still hold to your vision and mission.

Always be mindful of follow up.

Sometimes it’s easy to utilize a vendor and after the event or function is done, simply not engage further. I don’t think this is out of any ill-will or malcontent, but because we have been conditioned that once we are done utilizing the service, contact doesn’t need to continue. I mean think about when you last followed up with a gas station attendant or your delivery driver. We don’t often do that, but when we do it shows intentionality and a desire to love and care for your community.

If you utilize a local company, follow up with them in various ways. Send them a Christmas card or show up with Christmas cookies, pop in with coffees for the staff, send them an update on how their product or expertise helped the program or students. If their products benefited others or were used on a trip, send them some photos and an update. Or you could simply show up to say hi and see how they’re doing. You could go to the shop often to just purchase products and say hello. It isn’t about “missionary dating” but instead focused on building relationships and caring for the community.

Show intentionality.

This is key when it comes to building partnerships. There should be an intentionality and missional approach to what we are doing, but we shouldn’t look at these individuals and companies as projects. Instead we should see this as an opportunity to bless, encourage, and show people who Jesus is. So as you think through your partnerships, think about how you can continue to build relationships. When we partner with different places and people, we think about what we need for our ministry and what would help it be a success. That means when we bring in a local ice creamery to cater an event, we encourage our people to go visit them, we highlight them to our students, we get to know the people serving and the owner, and we actually visit them at other times. You can do this with any partnership. Showing intentionality and engaging in relational community will highlight how important these relationships are, and it will help you build connections and relationships that will allow the Gospel to be shared.

Tip well.

This is a big thing for churches and ministries. A lot of times, Christians and churches garner a reputation for being cheap or poor tippers. If you’ve heard horror stories about tracts being left instead of a tip, they aren’t just stories; they’re true. Instead, when appropriate, it is a good idea to tip and tip well. If you’re using a local delivery service, tip the driver. Utilizing a local food vendor? Make sure to provide them with a generous tip to show them you care. Often times, people’s livelihoods are connected to their jobs, especially small local companies. So tipping well actually could make a huge impact in their lives and will be a welcomed income boost.

Build relationships and invite people into your community.

As you utilize local businesses and partnerships it allows you to build relationships and invite people into your church community. These are moments to foster relationships and show people the love of Jesus. In doing this you are letting them know that you see them as more than just a vendor but as a person that you care about. Pouring into the community should be an opportunity to care well for others and show them the power of the love of God. So invest in those relationships, be a resource and a place of hope, and value the person with whom you are interacting.

Speaking Tips: Keys to Remember When You’re Teaching

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I love teaching and preaching. It’s something I’m truly passionate about and an area in which I believe God has gifted me. As I’ve reflected over my time in ministry (almost 20 years now…yikes!) I’ve seen how my teaching style and mentality have evolved.

When I first started out in paid vocational ministry I was extremely rigid in how I presented and I followed the traditional approach to preaching and teaching (i.e., don’t move around and keep all messages to three points that have phenomenal alliteration). If you were to compare my early sermons and style–those videos exist somewhere I’m sure–to today, you’d notice a lot of differences in how I present and try to engage with the audience, as well as various other aspects.

As I was reflecting on the change and evolution in style and approach, I’ve noticed there are aspects that have been constant throughout my time in ministry that I believe can help us to become better teachers and preachers. Today, I want to share those ideas with you in hopes of encouraging you as you speak and lead in ministry.

Connection is necessary.

Whether I was the one speaking or part of the crowd being taught, I’ve come to realize that connection is key. Being able to connect with the people you’re speaking to is a necessary part of being a teacher because it allows you and the crowd to be able to relate more personally with one another. When you are able to understand and relate to the people you are speaking to, it creates a relational connection and allows the truths you are sharing to not only hit home but also to connect with your audience on a deeply personal level.

Look at your audience not through them.

When I was in undergrad, I was taught to look at people’s foreheads instead of their eyes to avoid feeling nervous or anxious. As I progressed in my career I heard from other leaders to look past the audience toward the back of the room. Still others told me to look straight at people. Here’s what I have learned through my years: look at your audience not through them.

How that looks when you speak is up to you, but always find ways to look at your audience and not past them. This is another way to connect with people and allow them to be seen and known. When people are seen and a connection is established they feel validated and loved. So don’t look past people or through them, but truly see them and look to connect with them as you speak. This may feel uncomfortable for you at first but finding a way to connect with your audience visually is key to growing as a speaker and establishing a relational connection.

Utilize stories and humor.

One of the best things you can do when you’re teaching is tell stories and bring humor into your message. Stories captivate audiences and help them to remember the points you are highlighting, and humor allows for connection and a unique way to illustrate your points. These two aspects of teaching will help you create opportunities for your audience to connect with you, and will help them to remember what was shared as they seek to apply it to their lives.

Use various forms of media.

It is important to remember that people relate and connect to teaching and teaching styles differently. So the more variety you can incorporate through different forms of media, the greater your chance of engaging and reaching people. This could be through pictures or videos. It may be with different props you bring on stage, through musical elements or times of reflection. It might be through creative questions and interactions during the teaching, or even your posture and where you stand. All of these will engage people differently and also help make the focus and application of the message more memorable.

Be creative and innovative.

You may be quick to dismiss yourself as “lacking creativity” or you may say “I’m not innovative.” But the truth is each of us, in our own unique ways, are creative and innovative. How you see things, comprehend information, understand and tell stories, and allow Scripture to permeate your life is innovative and creative. These aspects are important to share with your people because there are most likely those who relate to God’s Word, His calling, and mission in the same way you do. The ability to make the Bible real and applicable from your perspective is an aspect that only you can bring, and one that can help many people in their comprehension of Scripture. So share that with your audience and allow the Bible to come alive through your messages.

Be authentically you.

So often I remember being told in undergrad, “Don’t try to be a famous pastor, just be you because you are who God called to minister.” God doesn’t look to have clones of certain individuals. He is looking to utilize you and your gifts to connect, minister, and point people to Jesus. Embrace who He made you to be as you carry out His calling for your life.

6 Key Qualities to Look for When Hiring

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Looking for someone to join your team can be a long process, especially in church culture. Often times there are multiple interviews, phone conversations, and–depending on the position–the applicant will teach in front of a group in order to assess their abilities. This process can be arduous for parties on both sides, but what often gets overlooked are key qualities that we desire for the position.

Sure, we can all assume that the first quality is a relationship with Jesus, and then of course there’s the job description with all of the functions listed out. But I’m talking more about the personal qualities of the candidate verses perhaps a certain skill set. The qualities I have listed below are not all-encompassing, but rather six I focus on and the ones I believe will help me choose the right individual for the position, the ministry, and the church.

1. Heart.

When it comes to hiring there are skill sets we look for, but we also must acknowledge skills can be taught or coached. One thing you can’t teach or coach someone to have is heart. If someone doesn’t have a heart for the ministry position, you can’t train them to have it.

Heart is something that comes from the Holy Spirit instilling a desire to care for and minister to a certain group or area. It is the burden for the Gospel to go forth within a certain context and isn’t something you can teach whoever you’ve hired for the position. Yes, you may be able to help people develop a desire for the ministry or group over time, but you should not have to train someone in this when it comes to a paid ministry position. This is something that the individual should have before they are hired.

2. Passion.

Hiring someone who has a passion and excitement for the ministry is a must. If someone is simply looking for a job and isn’t passionate about what they’ll be doing or the people they’ll care for, the ministry and the people under your leadership will suffer. When you hire someone you need to understand if they are passionate about the position and if they view it as more than a job. They should understand that there is more than just a skill or skills needed for the position, but also a heart and passion for the people.

3. Dedication and commitment.

This is huge when it comes to any type of work but especially when it involves working at a church. Having someone who is not only dedicated and committed to their job duties but also to the church and her mission is huge. It shows that the person is responsible and willing to love and serve the church as they love and serve her people. These qualities highlight a good work ethic of the potential hire and also demonstrate their proactive view of the church and ministry.

4. Strong work ethic.

There are some people who assume that working at a church will be a cushy and lax position. And depending on the position, there may be moments when it’s more laid back and less busy. But the reality is this isn’t the focus of any job, let alone church work. Working in ministry can be faced paced, difficult, and challenging due to a variety of circumstances. Because of that it is necessary to have a good work ethic and strong communication skills in order to appropriately handle the duties of the specific job.

5. Healthy boundaries.

As you prepare to interview a potential teammate, one of the things you should focus on and be attune to is whether they are able to set and keep healthy boundaries. Often applicants will want to impress and will highlight their work ethic and dedication which are important things, but if they cannot find a work/life balance then there will be subsequent issues.

The idol of work in ministry is just that: an idol. The ministry is not dependent upon our time cards or the amount of time we are working for the ministry. If we have an all-or-nothing mentality, what it reveals is an idol within in our hearts that says, “Without me, this ministry will not survive.” That is a savior mentality, and last I checked, there is only one Savior and it isn’t us. That means we should be aware of how the applicant talks about their boundaries and we should be asking questions to make sure they have healthy ones for clarification. It would also be beneficial to let them know that the ministry has boundaries and that you, as a supervisor, will make sure they are honored.

6. Authenticity.

This may sound simple enough, but the reality is there are people who simply interview and present well. What we should be looking for is authenticity within the person as a whole. This includes getting references and following up on them. Not in a “let’s find a fault” type of way, but to make sure you know all you can about the person you may bring onto your team. We want to make sure the person we interview is the same person who will show up to work each day. We want to ensure that in moments of stress this person will still embrace the mission and vision of the ministry and the church. So ask questions about personality types. Find out their love languages. Ask what their communication and work styles are. Seek to understand how they function in difficult circumstances. By doing these things you will begin to get a holistic idea of the individual and their potential fit in the position.

And as a brief aside, I would also recommend doing these things for applicants you know personally (i.e. people within the church, friends, etc.). While it may be easy for us to assert that “we know them,” the reality is you probably haven’t worked with them before in this type of environment. You must do due diligence in hiring someone and that means following up, asking good questions, and contacting references. That way you have a holistic understanding of how they operate within work environments and can truly seek to understand if they will be a good fit for your team.

Communication with Parents: 5 Things to Think About

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When it comes to communication with parents, every ministry has their own way of doing it. Some utilize social media, others use email providers. Some ministries may print out yearly calendars. And still others may manage their own websites or incorporate texting services.

Regardless of the means of communication, we must realize the importance of it. Communication with parents is paramount to helping our ministry succeed and in helping parents in disciple their students. Communication isn’t just about getting information out; it is also about helping to equip, empower, and shepherd parents as they love and guide their students.

In this post, I want to highlight aspects of communication that we should be considering as we seek to disseminate information and help to support and guide the parents of our students. I don’t want to say “this is how you must communicate” because how each ministry does this is unique based upon a litany of circumstances. Instead, I want to help us to think critically about the how and why of communication so as to best utilize the resources at our disposal.

How often should you communicate?

We may think the more information we send the better because it allows everyone to know what is going on. But sending emails, texts, or other communications haphazardly can actually be problematic. Getting more communication can often lead to people being overwhelmed or dismissive because it comes too often. Just think about how you feel when your inbox is inundated with emails. You probably delete many without opening them. That is not the response we want.

Instead of sending more communications, we should think ahead and try to communicate everything in only a few ways in a concise and clear manner. Whatever your rhythm looks like, make sure that you aren’t communicating to just communicate but there is intentionality and clarity.

What medium(s) should you use?

When thinking about communication it is important to discern who you are communicating with as that will help you decide what medium to use. For example, if you’re utilizing social media to communicate with parents, it would be most advantageous to choose a platform the majority of them use. If many are on Facebook, but only some are on Instagram, use the platform that will reach the most parents per post.

It is also important to acknowledge your unique context when sending communications. Are people in your community more apt to read emails or text messages? Would physical mail reach more people than social media? Are paper handouts like calendars better resources than a digital newsletter? Asking these types of questions will help you discern what methods will work best for you community and better allow your information to be received, understood, and acted upon.

How much should be communicated?

This is a very important point to remember: communication is about balance. A wise man once told me, “Nick, you over-communicate. You don’t need to give everyone every little piece of the story. Instead, allow them to be a part of your life and story by giving them the opportunity to ask questions and find out more.” My mentor wasn’t telling me not to communicate, but to take a breath and find a balance between overwhelming people and the place where they’re engaged and want to be a part of what I share.

The same is true for our communications to parents. While we may desire to communicate every little detail, the point of the communication may get lost. So be mindful about how much you actually communicate and work toward clear, concise, and helpful information.

What should be communicated?

In short, communication isn’t just about information. Yes, getting out concise and clear information to parents is important but your communication should be more than that. Think of how you relate to and take in information. Do you remember more things when it’s simply informative or when there are stories connected to the information? Do you engage more with emails that simply give you details or ones that are more relational? There’s a reason Jesus uses stories more often than not in His ministry. Stories connect, teach, and guide us because we are designed to connect relationally.

Take time in your communications to share stories of what is happening. Instead of simply posting photos from your trip, share stories about what happened and what you saw Jesus do in the lives of your students. Rather than just share dates of events throughout the year, share how your vision and mission impact what you do and how you’ve seen God use it. Not only are you sharing stories but you’re communicating the heart and passion of your ministry and showcasing the work and power of Jesus.

When should you communicate?

Establishing a rhythm of communication is important and beneficial in making sure what is communicated is received. It helps parents know when to expect to receive something so they will be watching for it. For some ministries monthly communication is best, but for others it may need to be more frequent. It is important to find what works best for you and your community, because if you start over-communicating, information will get lost.

Find a rhythm that works for your ministry and seek to implement it. Our rhythm is a monthly newsletter coupled with a social media rhythm that stays fairly consistent. Our social media seeks to be more interactive with some information, but our emails focus solely on communication and stories. That doesn’t mean you can’t break the rhythm or pattern for certain moments like retreat updates or special events, but the more consistent you are with your rhythm, the more parents will focus on what is shared.

6 Tips for Handling Suggestions

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Have you ever thought about…? Why don’t we…? Could we or could you…? Would we ever…? If you have been in ministry for more than a day or two you have probably had someone come up to you with a question that started like these. I know I get them all the time. And most of the time, unless they are from students, it is in a passing conversation or in an email.

It’s hard hearing suggestions when you run a ministry because it is easy for us to take it personally. We do this not only because we feel challenged or that our work isn’t up to par, but also because it feels like a targeted response to our calling and our leadership in ministry.

But let me ask you a few questions. How did you respond to it? Did your heart and head handle it well? Did you respond in the moment? How did you make an informed decision?

More often than not, I have found that when people offer suggestions they aren’t doing it to challenge us or to call out our leadership or heart for ministry. It is often rooted in seeking to understand or to truly offer up something they think will be beneficial for others because it was for them. As ministry leaders, we must respond well to these suggestions and lead out as Christ would. But what does that practically look like for us? Today I want to offer you six tips on how to handle suggestions well.

1. Listen well.

It is so easy to jump to conclusions or to make assumptions when some offers a suggestion. We may think we know what they want to say and we may even guess their motives or reasoning. But regardless of whether we are correct in our thinking or not, listening well is essential. Listening to someone values that person and helps them to feel known. Listening also gives you greater clarity, perspective, and understand because it allows you to see the whole picture and gives you more understanding from other viewpoints.

2. Think and pray before responding.

If you’re like me, sometimes you may respond a little too quickly. I’ve had many foot-in-mouth moments that I’ve had to apologize for, so now I make a habit of pausing and praying before responding especially if the suggestion is more critical or personal. I don’t ever want to respond out of frustration or ignorance or defensively because that can erode any credibility I may have in that relationship. Instead, pausing to collect your thoughts and asking for guidance from the Holy Spirit will help to center and calm your thoughts and response which will allow you to best engage in the conversation.

3. Ask clarifying questions.

This will serve you so well when people come to you with a suggestion. By seeking clarity and asking thoughtful questions, you will not only garner a better understanding of what is being suggested, but you will also value that individual because you have heard and responded well to them. Asking questions affirms people, lets them know you care and want to have a well-rounded viewpoint, and truly want to engage with them.

When you ask questions look for information, the motivation, how it works with the mission and vision, and logistics to help provide you and the person who came to you with a greater sense of clarity and relational equity.

4. Respond with grace and humility.

Sometimes it is easy to get flustered, annoyed, or even angry when people offer suggestions because it may feel personal whether it’s directed at you or the ministry you steward. But we need to remember not every suggestion is an attack, and even if it is, our response should be one that mirrors Jesus to them.

Do not misunderstand me: I am not advocating for simply taking unsubstantiated accusations or personal attacks lying down. However, I am advocating for showing grace and love with truth. By responding as Jesus would, we are carrying well the calling that He has bestowed upon us, and also seeking to care well for our flock even if it hurts at times. So lovingly respond to these moments and individuals and highlight the growth and leadership capabilities God has given you.

5. Clearly explain your reasoning.

There will be times when someone shares a suggestion and you will disagree or not act on what they are saying. This could be due to different philosophies of ministry, lack of understanding of student culture, not aligning with the values and vision of the ministry, and many other reasons. While we may know why we disagree or aren’t acting, we need to remember that the person who came to us may not. They may not be aware of all the insight, past experience, or trial and error that you and your team have walked through.

What that means for us is we need to be intentional in communicating our rationale and reasoning to the person who came to us. We don’t need to lecture or point out the flaws in their perspective, but instead we should strive to clearly show them why we are responding the way we are. We should also realize we may never see eye-to-eye on the perspective but that doesn’t mean we cannot be for one another and still be united in reaching students. So seek to be clear but remember that we are all siblings in Christ and let His message be what drives us.

6. Be willing to take guidance and make changes.

There are times when the suggestions people make are valid and should be considered. These moments may not always feel great because they highlight a blind spot or an area in which we need to improve, but we shouldn’t dismiss the advice and guidance. Instead we should hear what is said and look to make changes and improvements based off what is shared.

There are people who care deeply and want to help you and your ministry succeed and they will offer ways to do just that. Even when people offer a critical suggestion, that doesn’t mean you can’t grow and learn from them. Instead seek to understand, analyze, and assess if there is anything you can take away and use to help yourself, the ministry, or both.

How do you handle suggestions? What is a proactive way people could share suggestions with you?