Tag: self-care

Everyone Needs a Brian

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Back in the days of NYWC I had the privilege of meeting multiple staff from Youth Specialties. One of those staff members I briefly met was Brian Aaby, but it wasn’t until I was searching for a new ministry position that I began to connect with Brian more often. He was the Director of YS Search and Coaching, and the person in charge of my search. It was then that he and I began to forge a great friendship.

That friendship deepened throughout the search and placement process but grew even deeper as he would visit with Elise and I at our home, coach me as a youth pastor, and invited me to join his cohort. Brian not only became one of our closest friends but also a confidante, a mentor, and someone who was willing to sharpen, encourage, and challenge me when needed.

Brian has been someone who has not only stood in my corner throughout my career but has also been someone to shape and strengthen who I am as a person, husband, and pastor. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be who I am today and I may not even be in ministry if it weren’t for him.

Today, Brian has joined another one of our friends, Tim Eldred, at the Authentic Pastor. They are seeking to care for and empower pastors to be holistically healthy in their lives and careers. Together, these two are unstoppable and I am so excited for what they are doing and what comes next!

The purpose of this post isn’t to simply highlight how awesome Brian is, although I could, but instead to showcase the type of people we need in our lives. These friends may not encompass all of the following characteristics, which is totally fine. The reality is that having someone like this in your life is key to helping you grow, succeed, and flourish.

Friend.

Ministry can be lonely. Let’s just be honest about it. It can be extremely isolating even when you’re surrounded by people because they all look to you as a pastor not necessarily as a friend.

We are crafted for relationships and not having someone that you can be your authentic self around is problematic. It further isolates you and leads you toward self-dependence, which can be extremely unhealthy.

Mentor.

Everyone needs a mentor in their life. Someone who is older and wiser, who can listen to you, encourage you, offer you tips, and will walk with you through the long haul.

They are someone who will stick with you even if you switch careers or move. They will speak truth and wisdom into your life and be someone you can bounce ideas and questions off of.

Coach.

Having a coach is huge! This is someone who is trained and equipped to help ministry leaders flourish and grow. When someone can speak into your life, encourage and challenge you, and help you to grow as a pastor, leader, and person that is life changing.

This is more than a mentorship, it is someone who is pouring into you and developing you into the person God has designed you to be. A coach will lean into the refining process and walk through the fire with you. They will correct and challenge you to help you grow and mature.

These individuals are not necessarily in it for the long haul like a mentor, but instead will focus specific time and energy into helping you grow and flourish by looking into specific skill and developmental strategies.

Advocate.

There have been many times in my ministry career when I’ve been hesitant to advocate on my behalf. I’ll never forget when I was talking with Brian about the pay scale for a job I was moving into.

I asked if it was okay to negotiate because I had assumed ministry people did not ask for a higher paid grade. Brian assured me it was okay to ask to be paid what I was worth and that the worst they could do is say no.

That is only one instance where Brian helped me to advocate for myself, but he has also advocated for me to others. Brian has stood in the gap for me multiple times and I am forever grateful for that because in ministry it is hard at times to advocate for yourself.

Having someone who cares enough, is respected and measured, and knowledgeable is key as they can engage on your behalf in ways you may not be able to.

Ministry guru.

One of the best things you can do as a youth worker is find someone who has been in youth ministry and knows what they are doing to be someone you can learn and glean from. When you can learn from someone who has been there and done that, it not only helps you avoid pitfalls but it also challenges you to be a better youth pastor.

These are people who can provide insight for teaching, games, activities and events, and also be a resource if you need a speaker for a retreat or event.

Here’s the thing: Brian is a unicorn because he fits all of these things as one person. But I want to be clear that if you don’t have someone who fits all of those characteristics, it is totally fine to have multiple people in these roles.

The point of this post is simply to encourage you to have these types of people in your life because without them, ministry would be incredibly difficult, isolating, and at times defeating. At the end of the day Brian and Tim are always up for coaching and walking with people, and if you don’t have people in your life who can fit those characteristics, I know they would both be incredibly happy to talk with you and walk with you.

Trip Tricks: Staying Healthy

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Round two of our summer mission trips has officially started. In fact, if you’re reading this when it drops we are out serving for our first full day! I love going on these trips with our students and leaders and watching God work in and through them.

But there’s also some unique complexities to being the primary leader on trips. You’re often the first one out of bed and the last to bed. You’re the stop gap for all issues. You have to handle all the non-stop questions. You probably don’t have great sleeping arrangements. And the food, well depending where you go and what stage of life you’re in, it could be better or worse than what you have at home.

The crazy thing is that the complexities I listed are just the tip of the iceberg. The true reality is that trips can take a toll on us for a variety of reasons. We can’t always control what those may be or when they happen, but we can be proactive and intentional in being prepared for them.

In this post, I don’t want to try and focus on all the various ways to prepare for all the things that may come up. It would be much too long and at that point ineffective. Instead, I would like to focus on how you can stay healthy during the trips you go on.

Practice good hygiene.

Let’s be real: youth trips can be gross. Everyone is running around and getting sweaty. You may be doing dirty work on mission trips. Shower situations may be less than ideal. But those things shouldn’t stop you from practicing good hygiene.

Staying healthy means taking care of your body in all aspects. So making sure to shower, wash your hands, sanitize when possible, not drinking or eating after other people, and even things like wearing slides in the shower are big difference makers. The last thing you want is some kind of illness or bug from a trip, and practicing good hygiene helps in large ways.

Make sure to eat well.

The majority of trips I have been on with students have decent food. Decent in the sense that you can eat it and not feel horrible. But they aren’t necessarily healthy or balanced.

Usually it’s a lot of carbs and meat coupled with a dessert of some kind that is designed to give energy for the activities ahead. And yes, they do provide a quick burst of energy but they don’t keep you going for the long haul especially as you get older.

So look for more healthy and balanced options. Grab a salad and veggies when you’re able. Don’t grab two desserts, or maybe pass on them all together. Eat some fruit.

Is this always easy to do at camps and on mission trips? No. But it’s one way of being intentional that will help you stay healthy in the long run.

Drink lots of fluids.

When I first started out in student ministry I drank a lot of coffee throughout the day. I usually would down an entire pot on my own and I could drink it until late in the evening without it keeping me up. I drank more coffee than water and I did it every day, even on trips.

But I noticed something on a mission trip in a humid climate: I had headaches, I was always thirsty, and I felt lightheaded. I realized I had not been drinking water and my body was not hydrated.

Hydration is huge to staying healthy because our bodies are roughly 60% water, which means we need water to function well. Water also helps our bodies to release toxins by passing them through our system and without that we are at greater risk of getting sick. So proper hydration helps to ensure you stay healthy during and after your trip.

Get decent rest.

I know, I laughed too when I wrote this. You’re probably thinking, “Proper rest on a trip?! Are you crazy?” Nope, just experienced.

I get it: I don’t sleep well on trips either. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to. Having a time of proper rest and sleep is necessary for you to be a good leader and to stay healthy. I know it’s not easy on a camp mattress, or when the schedule lists a lights out time of 1:00 a.m., or your cabin smells like a high school locker room.

But I also know that we don’t have to pull an all-nighter and that there are things like AdvilPM and melatonin to help us sleep well. I’m simply saying that doing your best to achieve a decent time of rest and sleep will do wonders for your health and also prevent some of the crash that comes after the trip is over.

Take time to breathe.

“Nick! Hey Nick. Nick I have a question. Nickkkk!!”

Have you ever just sat in the silence after a trip to breathe? I do it all the time. I finally don’t have students constantly yelling for me or asking questions. Breathing is a good thing, but how do you do this on a trip?

One way to make sure you get space to breathe is to champion this principle with your crew. When your leadership team is on board it allows everyone space to breathe while knowing your group is still being cared for.

Another way would be to find a time where your group is otherwise occupied (team games, night games, devotional time, etc.) and give yourself the freedom to take even just a few moments to breathe and reset. These moments are key to being able to lead well as you get re-center and decompress briefly as you prepare to engage.

Be proactive.

Taking vitamin C before a trip, getting rest ahead of your departure, bringing hand sanitizer, and having the right medicines and resources for the trip will help to ensure you stay healthy. You cannot prepare for every circumstance or outcome, but being proactive and intentional will help you to stay healthy before, during, and after your trip.

Take time to refresh when you get home.

I didn’t always do this. In fact in some ministry settings the expectation was you’d be right back in the office after a trip. But it is so important to take time to recover and refresh after a trip so you can be the best version of yourself, the version God has designed you to be.

Refreshment may look different depending on your personality, but should at minimum include a nice shower, a good meal, time with family and/or close friends, and at least a full day off to decompress, process, and sleep.

Quick Tip: Recharge After a Trip

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When this post gets published I’ll be serving with a group of leaders and students in Hunt, Texas. This is our first mission trip of the summer and it’s one that is focused on helping a community rebuild and heal after devastating flooding.

I love taking students on mission trips and retreats. These moments are so important in the spiritual journey of students and I get the privilege of seeing God work in and through them in amazing ways. I always come away from these trips excited about what God is doing and seeing all the change that happens in the lives of my students as they serve and lead. I truly love going on these trips and sharing in the experience with my leaders and students and it’s one the many things I love about my job.

But can I be real with you? I’m also wiped out after these trips. I’ve realized I’m starting to get older and sleeping on a camp bunk or sleeping bags on the floor doesn’t always agree with me. Only getting a few hours of sleep for multiple nights on end runs me down. Being on for multiple days and not having any down time makes me feel depleted.

In fact, maybe you’re like me but when I get back from a trip and everyone has finally left to go home, I sit in my car for five minutes in silence. No more “Nick,” “Hey, Nick,” “Nick, can I.” It’s just…quiet. This is just one of my ways I recharge. The reality is trips require a lot from us and while they are amazing and beneficial, they also can be depleting to those who run and facilitate them.

So if trips are depleting, how do we actually recharge when they are completed? The truest answer I can give you is this: it depends on the person. I know what recharges me, but that doesn’t mean it’s the same for you. For me, recharging includes pausing and resting after a trip. That means I take some time off to recoup and catch my breath. I also love to clean up and put things away after a trip (I know I have a problem). I also enjoy having familiar food whether it’s a pizza from our local pizza shop or having a nice home cooked meal. But I’ll be honest and let you know that 99% of the time it’s a pizza because it’s easy, delicious, and means no prep.

For others it may be hanging out with friends, it might be reading, watching your favorite show, spending time with your spouse, or just a good nights rest in your own bed (can I get an amen?!). My point is this: you cannot keep running on coffee and adrenaline. I get it: coming back from a camp, a retreat, or mission trip you can feel that rush but I promise you that if you just run on that you’ll begin to feel depleted very quickly.

I wish someone had told me about the importance of recharging after trips. I wouldn’t take time off, I would just go right back to work. But that method will lead to faster burnout and depletion because you aren’t taking care of yourself. We must take intentional steps to ensure we have recharged and recovered so we can be the best version of ourselves to our families and the people we lead and disciple. Not taking time to recharge is actually harming ourselves and those we love. So, after a trip, my encouragement is simple: recharge in the way that best suits you. But make sure to be intentional about doing so. This isn’t just a quick power nap, but something that intentionally nourishes you so you can continue in the calling God has given to you.

Quick Tip: Ask for Help

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I’ll never forget the first time I used the coffee pot in our church office hallway. I’ve drank coffee for most of my life and I’ve brewed coffee in more coffee pots than I can count. And how hard could it really be? Well, harder than I thought. There were two buttons and I hit the wrong one which actually cycled the machine off and took an exceptionally long time to restart and reheat to make the coffee.

The worst part: I was with another staff member who was showing me around and rather than ask for help I asserted “I know how this works.” And as they were trying to explain what not to do, I hit the wrong button.

Now, hopefully, you can laugh along with me at the absurdity of this true story, but let me pose a question. Have you ever tried to do something on your own without asking for help? Have you ever done that knowing you should ask for help?

From my experience, it can be extremely difficult for those serving in ministry to ask for assistance. I believe this is rooted in a variety of reasons including being told we are part of an elite group after graduating from college or grad school. We know how to function in isolation, we have learned to trust ourselves and our motivations, we have become fairly self sufficient, and perhaps there has been a lack of effective and helpful guidance.

Regardless of the reason why, many ministry leaders are hesitant to ask for help and that is extremely problematic. When we try to go on our own, when we refuse to seek help, when we simply try to push through, these responses will inevitably lead to burn out, anger and frustration, hurt, bitterness, and further isolation. I’ve seen this too many times to count and I’ve been there as well. Trying to do it on our own and not asking for help is a recipe for disaster.

When we live and work in isolation we aren’t just hurting ourselves, but also building ourselves into isolation and potentially causing harm to others by not allowing them to thrive. When we go at it on our own we are not actually giving our people what they need because we are often leading out of emptiness. Leading out of emptiness is not helpful to anyone and is destructive to yourself and those you’re leading.

So what are we supposed to do?

Ask for help. It sounds simple, but it is also incredibly hard because it means admitting we cannot do it all on our own. This can feel like failure, but it is actually life saving. Asking for help feels incredibly difficult and near impossible in the moment, but doing so will actually help you flourish, refresh, and release the weight you shouldn’t be carrying.

Here’s what I would suggest: find someone you can be authentic with and share how you’re feeling. After you’re done sharing how you’re feeling progress in one of these ways: ask them for help and give them permission to do so, ask them to go with you to the person (i.e. a supervisor) to help advocate for you. Be willing to listen to their suggestions and implement them. Part of being authentic means owning what is happening and not suffering in silence. But in order for that to be beneficial, you also need to be willing to hear and receive help.

Admitting you need help is difficult. Being willing to receive help is harder still. However, when you admit and receive help, you are removing the weight you’ve placed on yourself or the weight that has been placed on you, and allowing for the body of Christ to truly be the body as they walk with and care for you.

If you need someone to talk to, or an advocate, know that we are here for you. We’d be honored to hear your story and to walk with you.

Quick Tip: Fold Laundry

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You probably read that title and said, “Wait…what? I thought this was a website for youth workers about ministry.” Trust me, it is. And this post is for youth workers too. Allow me to explain.

Folding laundry is healing and relaxing for me. I love to do things in order and sequence, and to see something accomplished. So often in ministry, the work is never ending and we don’t always see things come to completion. In many ways this can be frustrating or discouraging especially if you’re someone who likes to see things finalized and complete.

For many years the grind of ministry and the ever-pressing weight of what we are doing became a burden that felt crushing. I would faithfully work with students and challenge them to not make the same mistakes and yet they would. We’d find ourselves teaching the Gospel time and time again (not that it’s a bad thing). The seasonal rhythms were always the same. The same issues manifested throughout the years. One thing would be finished but then there’s the immediate item following. (I’m looking at you, fundraiser followed by summer trips.)

That type of format can be draining for some, but especially for those who have been in ministry for the long haul and those who like to see things accomplished and projects closed. But then it hit me: what helps us have that sense of completion when we don’t always get that from our job?

For me, it’s folding laundry, finishing a book, baking, completing a home project, or exercising. I love to see things accomplished. I’m a list person, and being able to check things off or accomplish specific tasks is something in which I find a lot of satisfaction.

We all know that we are fulfilling a calling God has placed on our lives and that there will always be different seasons in ministry. I’m not saying you should find your fulfillment in folding laundry or finishing a book. However, I do know that God designed us in His image and He is a God who sees His plan come to fruition. If that is true for Him and we are created in His image, shouldn’t we also find joy and satisfaction in seeing things accomplished? It may not always be in ministry, but that doesn’t mean it is lesser or not important.

Therefore, I believe we should take time to complete things outside of ministry. Finding what works for you and brings you joy when it is completed is subjective to you, and that is a good thing. Knowing yourself and what brings you joy and satisfaction allows you to engage and find ways to recharge and fill your soul. So, go and fold some laundry today or do whatever else brings a smile to your face and joy to your soul as you see things completed and accomplished.

Resource: Pastor Stays

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Have you ever needed a vacation? Of course you have; we all have. But let me ask a different question: Have you ever needed a vacation but couldn’t afford one?

Those of us in ministry are acutely aware of the reality that we didn’t go into this profession to get rich. We know that working for a nonprofit isn’t necessarily going to have us rolling in the dough, and there will be plenty of times when we may have pinch pennies (or nickels since pennies are not being made anymore) to get by.

In my years of serving in ministry and talking to other ministers and church workers, one of the places that typically gets pinched or cut early on is a vacation or time away.

This is honestly heartbreaking because not only does it devalue the work that pastors and church workers do, but it also doesn’t allow for them to recharge well. It keeps their families from being able to enjoy time away with their loved ones.

I’ve met countless pastors whose families have never taken a vacation unless someone else paid. I’ve talked to kids of pastors who have been made fun of because they never understood what it was like to take a vacation because all they did were staycations.

This should evoke much deeper conversations about compensation, care, and support for pastors, but that is a conversation for another time. What I want to talk about today is a resource to pastors that offers reduced and free stays at homes and retreat centers around the country. Essentially, think about staying in an Airbnb or Vrbo for free and being able to spend quality time with your family refreshing and recharging. Sound too good to be true? It’s not.

Let me introduce you to Pastor Stays. One of my good friends mentioned this to me when I was thinking about taking a vacation and trying to find a place to stay. When you head to their website, you’ll see a handful of the stays they have and be able to read up on the history and mission of the organization.

This is a ministry that came about during the 2020 pandemic from the vision of Troy and Jana Jones to bless other pastors and their families. Their heart truly radiates as you read through the website and see their desire to care for others.

In order to get access to their website, you need to create a profile and it is a little extensive. They want to get basic information but also to know who is applying. They ask for ministry history and your story. They will also ask for documentation like your ministry credentials to validate that you’re actively serving in ministry and truly a pastor.

When I filled it out, I realized that my ordination certificate was from the first church I pastored and I wasn’t sure if it would be approved. I reached out to their team and received a quick response stating that my ordination would be received without issue and once it was submitted my application would be reviewed.

Each submission is looked at by the Pastor Stays team to validate that a pastor is actually applying and seeking to appropriately utilize this resource. Once approved, you’ll have access to all the different homes and rooms available on the site.

The search function doesn’t always work well if you’re looking for something in a place where there aren’t available homes. However, all of the homes are listed on the home page. The list will ebb and flow as more homes become available.

When you click on the place you’d like to stay you’ll be met with photos, a description of the property, amenities and additional details. If this property works for you, you can submit a brief form requesting to book the property. Many of the properties are free but some do require a reduced payment.

One of the realities of utilizing this website is that these properties may require a bit of travel to get to. However, not having to pay or paying a reduced cost for your stay can make the cost of traveling a little more palatable and affordable. Overall this is an amazing blessing and opportunity for pastors and their families, and we would highly recommend taking advantage of this resource.

Resource Review: The FYI on Youth Ministry Podcast

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I love listening to podcasts. I listen to everything from The Pour Over to Crime Junkies to The Holy Post. My taste is fairly eclectic and I’m always looking to add more podcasts to my playlist. I also really love to listen to ones that challenge me and help me to grow as leader, person, and Christ-follower.

Recently, I came across The FYI on Youth Ministry podcast that is currently hosted by Kara Powell. This is a podcast from the Fuller Youth Institute that brings together insights, research, advice, and stories and experiences from people who serve in the trenches of ministry. It is a conversational podcast that truly helps to inform, equip, and challenge those who serve in student ministry or oversee staff who do.

I must confess, that I’ve only recently started listening to this podcast but in that short amount of time, I’ve binged multiple episodes buecasue of how solid and beneficial the content is. FYI is an amazing organization and I regularly get their emails and search their website for helpful content. Kara Powell is a researcher, author, and speaker who is well known in youth ministry circles. When you pair those two things together with a variety of insightful guests and experts in their fields on the show, this is a podcast that every youth worker should be listening to.

It is easy to listen to and very practical in the information that is shared. Much of the information will not just be helpful to paid youth workers but also to anyone who serves with students. In fact, I will be utilizing various episodes for my volunteers at upcoming training to help generate ideas, facilitate conversation, and provide insights to help all of us succeed in ministering to students.

As you look at the podcast, you’ll notice it is not updated super regularly, but that makes new episodes all the more exciting because it’s almost like a surprise party when they drop. In prior episodes, you’ll find a variety of other hosts from FYI and a range of topics including areas of self-care which is so important but often neglected in ministry circles. You’ll also find helpful topics that we should be engaging our students with and tips and resources for how to do so effectively and biblically.

Overall, this is a great podcast and one I would highly recommend to any youth worker. Whether you’re fresh out of college or a thirty-year veteran in student ministry, this podcast will be a great resource for you. Take a listen, and let us know in the comments what you think about the podcast.

The Importance of a Personal Mentor

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Recently our church has been undergoing a big change. We are in the midst of a search for only our third senior pastor since the church was founded. When we heard the news, there was a piece of me that entertained the thought of applying for the position, but also a piece of me that strongly resisted applying.

As I processed with Elise, we both knew we felt similar tensions and that we needed the voice of trusted individuals and mentors in our lives to speak into this moment. So I reached out to some of them to hear their input and advice. They all resonated with the feelings and tensions we were feeling. After talking with them, we confirmed that we were not going to pursue the position (unless God made it clear that we should) and instead were content with where God had us.

I don’t know where you are in your ministry career or what you were taught about serving in ministry, but in my experience I was not encouraged to have a mentor until I had been in ministry for years. When I first started in a tiny church as their pastor, I didn’t have anyone who was shepherding and guiding me. No one was speaking into how I was leading, what could be improved or changed, how to navigate conflict, self care, and so many other vital aspects of ministry.

Looking back, I made a lot of mistakes as a young and naive twenty-something stepping into their first paid ministry position. I made decisions quickly, I was harsher than I should have been, and acted out of naivety and without thinking through how things would be received. If I had a mentor during that time, I know I wouldn’t have made all of the same decisions. I am not saying I wouldn’t have still messed up, but having someone guiding and challenging me would have helped to shape how I led, engaged, and reacted.

A personal mentor is one of the best things we can have in our lives. A personal mentor is someone that you trust and can go to with questions and doubts, and for encouragement. They are individuals who know you, can speak truth into your life, challenge and correct you, and also be a sounding board for choices and decisions you need to make.

A mentor is someone who cares about you and helps to form and shape you as you walk through ministry. This isn’t something just for young or new youth workers, but something we should incorporate throughout our careers. Even now, having been in ministry for over two decades, I’m so thankful for the mentors in my life who help to shape me. Whether it’s being encouraged during challenging times, being pushed to step out of my comfort zone, empowering me to lead well, or simply listening to me as I process. A mentor is something everyone should have in their lives.

A great place to start looking for a mentor is within your current context. Is there someone who has gone before you, a supervisor, a career volunteer, a friend? You can also connect with other established youth pastors who can help guide and shape you as you grow in your career. We are willing to be in your corner and to walk with you. There’s also professional coaching programs through a variety of organizations. The question is simply this: are you willing? Are you willing to have someone pour into you and walk with you as you lead in your context?

So, what’s stopping you from having a personal mentor in your life?

It’s Okay to Say No and Set Boundaries

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Have you ever said no to someone before? Have you ever declined a work meeting? Have you waited to respond to a text or sent a call to voicemail? Have you ever told your boss that couldn’t do an additional task?

If you’re a people-pleaser like me, those questions may have rubbed you the wrong way and caused a fair amount of tension or anxiety deep within you. I get it. Saying no to someone or something is difficult. Saying no to someone or something that is connected to your job, ministry, gifting, or calling feels wrong and maybe even unchristian.

But have you ever stopped to consider that the word “no” is a healthy word? Don’t we teach that boundaries within life are healthy and necessary? God gave Adam and Eve boundaries within the garden. Jesus gives us plenty of boundaries in the Gospels. Paul lays out intentional boundaries within his letters. We see that the word “no” is used to highlight healthy boundaries and to protect people.

If we see the word “no” used all the time in Scripture and by God, why are we so hesitant to use it? I would assert it is because we are in a culture that embraces and champions workaholics while it decries anything reflective of rest and sabbath.

We elevate and celebrate the individuals who sacrifice everything to advance in their career, even when that includes their own well-being or their family. We even offer people a higher pay wage for when they work more than they should. In essence, we celebrate and reward people for not resting and for always saying yes.

But God Himself set boundaries and parameters for rest and refreshment. And I would assert that He did so to help us be the best version of ourselves as we reflect Jesus to the world. What that means is we need to set intentional boundaries and be willing to say “no” when it’s warranted.

You cannot do everything and always say “yes,” because that mentality will lead to burnout, frustration, and bitterness. Instead, we must practice healthy rhythms with intentionality to protect ourselves, our families, and the ministries we serve and lead. Being willing to set boundaries helps you make better decisions and lead out of health instead of depletion.

Part of doing this means being honest with yourself, your family, your teams, and your supervisors. Identifying your capacity and limits will allow you to find where you need to set boundaries and say “no” to additional asks.

Another aspect of intentionally engaging this process is asking for someone to keep you accountable. Having an individual (or individuals) lovingly walk with you and challenge you when needed will help you to be better at setting healthy boundaries while still doing what God has called you to do.

This doesn’t mean there aren’t busy seasons or times when we have to say “yes” to additional things and tasks. However, those moments should be the exception and not the norm. We should also be willing to take time after those seasons to refresh and reset from those busy stretches.

When we learn to set boundaries and say “no” to protect ourselves, our relationship with Jesus, and those we love and care about, we are honoring God and showing the people we lead and serve what a healthy life truly looks like. So, my question to you is this: will you say “no” and set up healthy boundaries?

Quick Tip: Have a Sick Plan

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Have you ever been sick on youth group night or Sunday morning? Has the flu surprised you the day of youth group? Have you experienced prolonged illness that kept you out of service for a good amount of time?

The longer I serve in ministry, especially student ministry, the more convinced I become that having a sick plan is a necessity. Trips can allow for illnesses to spread quickly. Winter months see a drastic increase in cold, flu, Covid, and other illnesses.

And then there’s always the unexpected sickness or health concern that creeps up. Family members may get sick and need help at home. And if this is the case, how do we handle those moments when we can’t be at our ministry? Is there a game plan? Do your volunteers know what the plan is? How is that information communicated to your leaders, students, and families?

Today I want to help you think through these moments by providing tangible steps you can take to address these concerns. This isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach, but more of an à la carte approach where you can pick and choose the steps that work best for you and your ministry.

Take a sick day.

Sometimes we just want to work through whatever illness we are wrestling with, but that’s a poor approach to take. Showing up sick can put others at risk, it depletes you even more, and it communicates to your team that it’s okay to show up sick, which can lead to illnesses being spread quickly and more often. So take a sick day, rest, recoup, and come back when you’re healthy.

Have a backup teacher.

One of the truths we must come to terms with is that our programs and ministries can and will exist without us. It’s a hard truth to reckon with, but a truth nonetheless. For many years I wrestled with this and convinced myself of the lie that the ministries I oversaw couldn’t exist without me.

It took a mental health leave for me to see that these ministries will not only exist without me, but can flourish as well. And I saw this truth through our leaders who stepped up and utilized their gifts. I became much more aware that I have gifted communicators on my team and I should be empowering them to serve. One of them has actually come to me and said, “If you ever need to bail, for any reason, I’ll have a lesson ready to go.”

This taught me so much and I want to encourage you to seek out and have backup teachers ready for when you can’t be present. No, it won’t be in the series you’re doing and no it won’t be what you had prepared. But God will use those individuals and His Word to help your students grow and flourish. So find different people who can step in for you when you’re sick (and a bonus tip: use them even when you are not sick and watch how different voices resonate with your students).

Build a communication plan.

This is important across your ministry as a whole, but having a communication plan for illness is key. Who will you tell? Who gets told first? What’s the communication say? Is it intentional, informational, or both? Drafting a plan for how communication goes out, to whom it goes out to, and what it says is key.

My mentality is to start with my leaders because they help in communicating any change to their students. They have more established communication lines so it makes sense to start there. We then email families and post across our media channels.

Our emails contain information that is needed about any change or cancelation, but they also provide intentional touch points. We provide ways for families to connect like cooking or baking together with recipes, or watching a movie and discussing it. We highlight ways to engage in worship, and we even point to a passage in Scripture that they could discuss.

Now all of this sounds great, but when you’re sick no one wants to spend the time writing all of this out. So prepare it ahead of time and have it ready to go when needed.

Have a plan for Sunday morning and youth group evenings.

As you think about the two prior points, it’s also important to have a plan for how your programming will function when you are not present. Have you taught people how to set things up? Have you shared your expectations? Do people know what to do in different scenarios like if a student gets hurt or if there’s a fire alarm?

Often times youth workers handle their own set up and know the ins and outs of tech, lighting, and how to open and close up the church; but do the people filling in for you know how to do all of that? Training, equipping, and empowering others to handle this means building a plan for them and helping them understand that plan.

At the end of the day, there will be times you are not present at youth group or church. That is okay, and you should be encouraged to take sick days and vacation time. But how will your ministry do without you? Is it build upon you and your identity (or perhaps is your identity wrapped up in it), or is it sustainable because it’s built around Christ? Have you empowered others to lead in your absence? Do you have a plan for when you are not there?

By preparing ahead, you are setting your team and ministry up for success. Take the necessary steps to be proactive rather than reactive and watch your ministry flourish even if you’re sick.