I’ll never forget the first time I used the coffee pot in our church office hallway. I’ve drank coffee for most of my life and I’ve brewed coffee in more coffee pots than I can count. And how hard could it really be? Well, harder than I thought. There were two buttons and I hit the wrong one which actually cycled the machine off and took an exceptionally long time to restart and reheat to make the coffee.
The worst part: I was with another staff member who was showing me around and rather than ask for help I asserted “I know how this works.” And as they were trying to explain what not to do, I hit the wrong button.
Now, hopefully, you can laugh along with me at the absurdity of this true story, but let me pose a question. Have you ever tried to do something on your own without asking for help? Have you ever done that knowing you should ask for help?
From my experience, it can be extremely difficult for those serving in ministry to ask for assistance. I believe this is rooted in a variety of reasons including being told we are part of an elite group after graduating from college or grad school. We know how to function in isolation, we have learned to trust ourselves and our motivations, we have become fairly self sufficient, and perhaps there has been a lack of effective and helpful guidance.
Regardless of the reason why, many ministry leaders are hesitant to ask for help and that is extremely problematic. When we try to go on our own, when we refuse to seek help, when we simply try to push through, these responses will inevitably lead to burn out, anger and frustration, hurt, bitterness, and further isolation. I’ve seen this too many times to count and I’ve been there as well. Trying to do it on our own and not asking for help is a recipe for disaster.
When we live and work in isolation we aren’t just hurting ourselves, but also building ourselves into isolation and potentially causing harm to others by not allowing them to thrive. When we go at it on our own we are not actually giving our people what they need because we are often leading out of emptiness. Leading out of emptiness is not helpful to anyone and is destructive to yourself and those you’re leading.
So what are we supposed to do?
Ask for help. It sounds simple, but it is also incredibly hard because it means admitting we cannot do it all on our own. This can feel like failure, but it is actually life saving. Asking for help feels incredibly difficult and near impossible in the moment, but doing so will actually help you flourish, refresh, and release the weight you shouldn’t be carrying.
Here’s what I would suggest: find someone you can be authentic with and share how you’re feeling. After you’re done sharing how you’re feeling progress in one of these ways: ask them for help and give them permission to do so, ask them to go with you to the person (i.e. a supervisor) to help advocate for you. Be willing to listen to their suggestions and implement them. Part of being authentic means owning what is happening and not suffering in silence. But in order for that to be beneficial, you also need to be willing to hear and receive help.
Admitting you need help is difficult. Being willing to receive help is harder still. However, when you admit and receive help, you are removing the weight you’ve placed on yourself or the weight that has been placed on you, and allowing for the body of Christ to truly be the body as they walk with and care for you.
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