Month: August 2026

Quick Tip: 5 Things You Should Never Say at Youth Group

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Working with students means you need to be mindful of what you say because students are always listening whether or not they seem like it. As leaders of our youth groups, we have an obligation to steward what we say and care well for our students through our words.

With that being said, I want to share with you five things you should never say at youth group. Some of these may make you chuckle and some are more serious. My hope is that this short list helps us all to be more intentional and thoughtful with our words as we seek to lovingly lead and disciple our students.

1. “Where is everybody?”

Nothing tells your students who do show up that they don’t matter more than that statement. There are always times when youth group will feel and be smaller than normal. But when we say things like “no one is here” or “where is everyone,” the students who do show up feel like they don’t matter.

Instead, we should acknowledge the students who are present, reach out to the ones who weren’t to let them know they were missed, and create a missional vision that challenges students to be ambassadors for the kingdom of God wherever they are.

2. “My spouse is so hot.”

Look, everyone who is married is attracted to their spouse. I get it! But we don’t need to awkwardly flex that to our students.

There’s a ton of purity culture indoctrination within those flex moments (think of the adage “if you stay pure God will bless you with an attractive spouse and amazing sex”). It also creates an unhealthy understanding of a relationship that is solely rooted in looks. That can cause all sorts of harm for students who struggle with body image.

It also makes things super awkward for your spouse because now they are being objectified not just by their partner but an entire youth group.

3 “Shake it off, you’ll be fine.”

As your career in student ministry progresses, you will undoubtedly deal with all types of injuries from minor scratches and boo-boos to the more severe kind that involve hospital trips and phone calls. In between those two categories are multiple types of injuries that we may be inclined to simply say, “you’re fine, rub some dirt in it.”

But the reality is we should treat every injury with importance, care, and appropriate response. It should be noted that the level of care and response will change depending on the severity of the injury. Don’t assume that a student who fell and hit their head is okay just because they say so. When a student complains about a twisted ankle don’t just toss them a couple Advil without checking it and consulting parents.

Part of being a shepherd to students is caring well for them, even when their mistakes or lack of maturity and body control cause injury.

4. “That sounds dumb” or “I don’t understand you.”

Have you ever had a student share a hobby or interest with you that just baffled you? We all have had one of those students who has been so into something it just makes you scratch your head and wonder what is happening.

Maybe you’ve had someone who is really into juggling, a student who love LARPing, or a student who just loves lifting and protein way more than they should. I know I’ve had quite a few students who have loved different things that have left me wondering what I just heard about.

But here’s the thing: if we dismiss that student or their interest, we are devaluing them and telling them they don’t have a place in youth group and the church because they have weird or unique interests.

5. “Read your Bible and pray more.”

I know we are looking to help our students grow and develop solid spiritual rhythms and maturity. And that means that yes, we should encourage them to read their Bibles and pray.

But when students come to us with difficulties, struggles, and issues in their lives, our response should not be to passively dismiss it by telling them to read the Bible more and to pray harder. Instead we should listen, help them process, create an action plan, and take the necessary steps to help them in those moments.

These are not singular moments in time, but more often than not, long term engagements that involve actively walking with and caring for your students.

What else would you add to our list of things you shouldn’t say at youth group?

5 Tips for Intentional Leader Training

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We just wrapped up our fall student leader training and we are so excited for how it went and all God is going to do this year.

Historically, our leader training sessions weren’t always successful, nor were they always helpful. They used to contain the same information year after year, and they were not something leaders wanted to attend, nor were they a priority.

But that changed when we decided to make the sessions more intentional. It wasn’t an overnight change and there were some challenges in trying to create lasting and intentional change. That doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it, but instead highlights the reality that change isn’t instantaneous.

It took time and effort. It required listening and adaptation. It meant trying and being honest in determining what worked and what didn’t.

In short, creating intentional leader training takes time and thoughtfulness, but the end result is an amazing atmosphere of collaboration. It also helps to create a group of relationally-focused leaders who are growing and committed.

Today, I want to share five tips for hosting intentional leader training:

1. Create the environment.

If I am being honest, this is not something I initially considered nor am I always good at cultivating. I would focus on other aspects of training like sharing pertinent information and interactive elements.

But when a coworker asked me what my theme was for training it made me stop and think. Partly because I had no answer but also because I realized the necessity of creating a theme and environment. When our team began to theme our training, it became more of a fun and engaging environment that our leaders wanted to be a part of.

Theming doesn’t have to be a large production, but it is something you carry through your training holistically. For an example, we hosted our training with a Jaws-inspired theme. We had different take home items like stickers and squishies that were “sea” oriented. We utilized sharks and water illustrations for our slides. And we created a snack bar that had “ocean” themed snacks.

2. Have food.

This may seem trivial but food is a key part to intentional training. Food creates an atmosphere that feels warm and welcoming, and it communicates value and worth.

Think about the last time you were over someone’s house. Did they offer you food? Whenever someone offers food or drink, you feel seen, valued, and appreciated.

Hospitality is key to helping leaders feel loved and cared for, and food is one way to do this. You don’t need to cater your training, nor do you need to drop hundreds or thousands of dollars.

It could be as simple as having fruit and coffee with fun creamer flavors. It could be a cheese tray with crackers, fun candy at the tables, mocktails, or chips and dip. By bringing in food and drinks, you are communicating value and worth to your leaders.

3. Make it relational.

One of the best things you can utilize for intentional leader training is relational opportunities. This can be in how you set up the room and seating arrangements. It can also be done through creating organic times for fellowship and conversation.

This comes into play by how you interact and engage with leaders during the training. Allow for communal and conversational opportunities throughout the training whether it’s in small group breakouts, prayer times, idea sharing opportunities, games or team building, or through a Q&A time. These are just some of the ways you can utilize relational opportunities at your training.

4. Incorporate spiritual rhythms.

Training shouldn’t only be about the practical nature of working with students and the circumstances with which leaders may engage. It should also focus on cultivating a spiritual maturity and depth in their relationship with Jesus.

In order to do this, we must make sure that we are each growing in our own walk with Jesus. So taking time to engage in spiritual rhythms not only helps us to grow but also provides a revitalization and refreshment for your team.

Taking time to pray and worship together, to engage with Scripture, to practice pausing and refreshing are some of the steps you could take to help your leaders engage with Jesus during your training.

5. Make it collaborative.

Collaboration is highly important for team training. Utilizing additional voices outside of paid church staff is essential as it elevates different voices and allows them to use their gifts and expertise to help others grow and flourish.

This can be done through having others lead part of the training, or by having your team engage with one another, or by utilizing activities that allow everyone to share their ideas and tips for student ministry.

However you choose to incorporate collaboration, make sure that you don’t just hear what is said but also think through follow-up and implementation. You may hear great ideas and suggestions, but failing to act upon those ideas communicates a lack of collaboration and value to your team.

Quick Tip: Never Be Afraid to Ask

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“Would you be willing to lead one of our training sessions? As an educator you would provide so much helpful information.”

“Would your company be willing to donate some items to our student ministry?”

“Are you interested in volunteering with us?”

“My workload and responsibility have increased a lot since I started. What is the possibility of me getting a pay raise?”

Have you ever asked a question like those before? I’ve asked lots of questions throughout my ministry career, but if I’m honest I shied away from asking them early in my career. I was worried that people would think I didn’t know what I was doing or was ill equipped. And that made me fearful of loosing my job because of all the horror stories I had heard.

However, the reality is that asking questions is a good thing. When you ask questions you are gaining knowledge and awareness. Questions help you to grow and mature as a leader because you are able to seek guidance and clarity.

Questions also help you to lead better because they give you the opportunity to seek help and assistance as needed. No one is an expert in everything and there is always someone who has knowledge we do not.

By asking others for assistance you can gain much by leaning into their strength and giftedness. In as much as you gain from their teaching, they are also able to lean into their gifts and use them for the kingdom of heaven.

Asking questions also empowers those you lead to see the beauty that comes from asking questions. There are others who probably are concerned that if they ask questions others may look down on them. By leading in this way you are giving them permission to ask questions and inviting them into a collaborative environment where they grow and flourish.

At the end of the day, asking questions should never be frowned upon or inhibited. Questions should be welcomed and encouraged.

If you are in an environment where questions are not welcomed, let me encourage you to seek wisdom and clarity from outside sources (mentors, coaches, other youth workers, trusted confidantes), and to create an environment within your ministry that does encourage and welcome questions. Questions are needed and beneficial and we should always ask them and welcome them.

Everyone Needs a Brian

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Back in the days of NYWC I had the privilege of meeting multiple staff from Youth Specialties. One of those staff members I briefly met was Brian Aaby, but it wasn’t until I was searching for a new ministry position that I began to connect with Brian more often. He was the Director of YS Search and Coaching, and the person in charge of my search. It was then that he and I began to forge a great friendship.

That friendship deepened throughout the search and placement process but grew even deeper as he would visit with Elise and I at our home, coach me as a youth pastor, and invited me to join his cohort. Brian not only became one of our closest friends but also a confidante, a mentor, and someone who was willing to sharpen, encourage, and challenge me when needed.

Brian has been someone who has not only stood in my corner throughout my career but has also been someone to shape and strengthen who I am as a person, husband, and pastor. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be who I am today and I may not even be in ministry if it weren’t for him.

Today, Brian has joined another one of our friends, Tim Eldred, at the Authentic Pastor. They are seeking to care for and empower pastors to be holistically healthy in their lives and careers. Together, these two are unstoppable and I am so excited for what they are doing and what comes next!

The purpose of this post isn’t to simply highlight how awesome Brian is, although I could, but instead to showcase the type of people we need in our lives. These friends may not encompass all of the following characteristics, which is totally fine. The reality is that having someone like this in your life is key to helping you grow, succeed, and flourish.

Friend.

Ministry can be lonely. Let’s just be honest about it. It can be extremely isolating even when you’re surrounded by people because they all look to you as a pastor not necessarily as a friend.

We are crafted for relationships and not having someone that you can be your authentic self around is problematic. It further isolates you and leads you toward self-dependence, which can be extremely unhealthy.

Mentor.

Everyone needs a mentor in their life. Someone who is older and wiser, who can listen to you, encourage you, offer you tips, and will walk with you through the long haul.

They are someone who will stick with you even if you switch careers or move. They will speak truth and wisdom into your life and be someone you can bounce ideas and questions off of.

Coach.

Having a coach is huge! This is someone who is trained and equipped to help ministry leaders flourish and grow. When someone can speak into your life, encourage and challenge you, and help you to grow as a pastor, leader, and person that is life changing.

This is more than a mentorship, it is someone who is pouring into you and developing you into the person God has designed you to be. A coach will lean into the refining process and walk through the fire with you. They will correct and challenge you to help you grow and mature.

These individuals are not necessarily in it for the long haul like a mentor, but instead will focus specific time and energy into helping you grow and flourish by looking into specific skill and developmental strategies.

Advocate.

There have been many times in my ministry career when I’ve been hesitant to advocate on my behalf. I’ll never forget when I was talking with Brian about the pay scale for a job I was moving into.

I asked if it was okay to negotiate because I had assumed ministry people did not ask for a higher paid grade. Brian assured me it was okay to ask to be paid what I was worth and that the worst they could do is say no.

That is only one instance where Brian helped me to advocate for myself, but he has also advocated for me to others. Brian has stood in the gap for me multiple times and I am forever grateful for that because in ministry it is hard at times to advocate for yourself.

Having someone who cares enough, is respected and measured, and knowledgeable is key as they can engage on your behalf in ways you may not be able to.

Ministry guru.

One of the best things you can do as a youth worker is find someone who has been in youth ministry and knows what they are doing to be someone you can learn and glean from. When you can learn from someone who has been there and done that, it not only helps you avoid pitfalls but it also challenges you to be a better youth pastor.

These are people who can provide insight for teaching, games, activities and events, and also be a resource if you need a speaker for a retreat or event.

Here’s the thing: Brian is a unicorn because he fits all of these things as one person. But I want to be clear that if you don’t have someone who fits all of those characteristics, it is totally fine to have multiple people in these roles.

The point of this post is simply to encourage you to have these types of people in your life because without them, ministry would be incredibly difficult, isolating, and at times defeating. At the end of the day Brian and Tim are always up for coaching and walking with people, and if you don’t have people in your life who can fit those characteristics, I know they would both be incredibly happy to talk with you and walk with you.