Caring for Hurting Leaders

One of the realities of serving in ministry is you will be dealing with hurt, pain, and loss. It could be helping students navigate the hurt of a broken relationship, officiating a funeral, helping struggling couples, or a variety of other circumstances. Hurt and pain are very real and they are a very important part of our career as we have the privilege of walking with others.

In as much as we care for our church community holistically, today I want to think through what it looks like to care for hurting leaders who serve alongside us in our ministries. Our leaders deal with hurt and pain just as much as anyone else, but they also carry the burden of caring for students and their pain as well. So what are some ways that can we come alongside our people and care for them?

Be available.

One of the best things you can do for your leaders is be present when needed. When they are hurting, need to talk, or just need you to be present the best thing you can do is be there for them.

That could be as simple as sitting with them, listening and empathizing, offering counseling and direction, and being a friend to them. Those moments are critical and necessary in caring for your leaders who are hurting.

Utilize additional resources.

There may be times that you need to lean into additional resources in order to care well for your people. That could be counselors and mental health professionals, food or clothing banks, hotels for housing needs, funeral homes, financial counselors, and whatever other needs you may be able to help with.

You will need to build relationships and contacts with various organizations and agencies to help when needed. When you build your resource bank up, it allows you to better care for your people by connecting them with the necessary resources to help them.

When necessary, encourage a break.

There will be moments when your leaders are going through an exceptionally difficult time that needs both a friend to walk with them but also a caring leader to encourage a break. Often, youth leaders are deeply committed to serving and don’t want to let down their students by stepping away.

But the reality of leading well means that your leaders are holistically healthy. That means you need to be willing to encourage and challenge your leaders to take a break for their own wellbeing, healing, and restoration as needed. These aren’t easy conversations but they are needed ones that should consist of love, care, and shepherding.

Send a card and encouragement.

A tangible way of loving and caring for hurting leaders is sending a handwritten card and some kind of encouragement. We often send a DoorDash or Amazon gift card or flowers to our leaders who are hurting as a way of highlighting that they have a community who loves and cares about them

Follow up.

Often a time of hurt, pain, and grief is not just a singular moment but an ongoing one. There will be ongoing moments of pain and grief. As such, we have an obligation to continue to check in, love, and care for our people. Take them out for coffee, call them, have a conversation at youth group. These follow up moments signal that you still care and are aware of what they are going through and that they aren’t alone.

Trip Tricks: Staying Healthy

Round two of our summer mission trips has officially started. In fact, if you’re reading this when it drops we are out serving for our first full day! I love going on these trips with our students and leaders and watching God work in and through them.

But there’s also some unique complexities to being the primary leader on trips. You’re often the first one out of bed and the last to bed. You’re the stop gap for all issues. You have to handle all the non-stop questions. You probably don’t have great sleeping arrangements. And the food, well depending where you go and what stage of life you’re in, it could be better or worse than what you have at home.

The crazy thing is that the complexities I listed are just the tip of the iceberg. The true reality is that trips can take a toll on us for a variety of reasons. We can’t always control what those may be or when they happen, but we can be proactive and intentional in being prepared for them.

In this post, I don’t want to try and focus on all the various ways to prepare for all the things that may come up. It would be much too long and at that point ineffective. Instead, I would like to focus on how you can stay healthy during the trips you go on.

Practice good hygiene.

Let’s be real: youth trips can be gross. Everyone is running around and getting sweaty. You may be doing dirty work on mission trips. Shower situations may be less than ideal. But those things shouldn’t stop you from practicing good hygiene.

Staying healthy means taking care of your body in all aspects. So making sure to shower, wash your hands, sanitize when possible, not drinking or eating after other people, and even things like wearing slides in the shower are big difference makers. The last thing you want is some kind of illness or bug from a trip, and practicing good hygiene helps in large ways.

Make sure to eat well.

The majority of trips I have been on with students have decent food. Decent in the sense that you can eat it and not feel horrible. But they aren’t necessarily healthy or balanced.

Usually it’s a lot of carbs and meat coupled with a dessert of some kind that is designed to give energy for the activities ahead. And yes, they do provide a quick burst of energy but they don’t keep you going for the long haul especially as you get older.

So look for more healthy and balanced options. Grab a salad and veggies when you’re able. Don’t grab two desserts, or maybe pass on them all together. Eat some fruit.

Is this always easy to do at camps and on mission trips? No. But it’s one way of being intentional that will help you stay healthy in the long run.

Drink lots of fluids.

When I first started out in student ministry I drank a lot of coffee throughout the day. I usually would down an entire pot on my own and I could drink it until late in the evening without it keeping me up. I drank more coffee than water and I did it every day, even on trips.

But I noticed something on a mission trip in a humid climate: I had headaches, I was always thirsty, and I felt lightheaded. I realized I had not been drinking water and my body was not hydrated.

Hydration is huge to staying healthy because our bodies are roughly 60% water, which means we need water to function well. Water also helps our bodies to release toxins by passing them through our system and without that we are at greater risk of getting sick. So proper hydration helps to ensure you stay healthy during and after your trip.

Get decent rest.

I know, I laughed too when I wrote this. You’re probably thinking, “Proper rest on a trip?! Are you crazy?” Nope, just experienced.

I get it: I don’t sleep well on trips either. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to. Having a time of proper rest and sleep is necessary for you to be a good leader and to stay healthy. I know it’s not easy on a camp mattress, or when the schedule lists a lights out time of 1:00 a.m., or your cabin smells like a high school locker room.

But I also know that we don’t have to pull an all-nighter and that there are things like AdvilPM and melatonin to help us sleep well. I’m simply saying that doing your best to achieve a decent time of rest and sleep will do wonders for your health and also prevent some of the crash that comes after the trip is over.

Take time to breathe.

“Nick! Hey Nick. Nick I have a question. Nickkkk!!”

Have you ever just sat in the silence after a trip to breathe? I do it all the time. I finally don’t have students constantly yelling for me or asking questions. Breathing is a good thing, but how do you do this on a trip?

One way to make sure you get space to breathe is to champion this principle with your crew. When your leadership team is on board it allows everyone space to breathe while knowing your group is still being cared for.

Another way would be to find a time where your group is otherwise occupied (team games, night games, devotional time, etc.) and give yourself the freedom to take even just a few moments to breathe and reset. These moments are key to being able to lead well as you get re-center and decompress briefly as you prepare to engage.

Be proactive.

Taking vitamin C before a trip, getting rest ahead of your departure, bringing hand sanitizer, and having the right medicines and resources for the trip will help to ensure you stay healthy. You cannot prepare for every circumstance or outcome, but being proactive and intentional will help you to stay healthy before, during, and after your trip.

Take time to refresh when you get home.

I didn’t always do this. In fact in some ministry settings the expectation was you’d be right back in the office after a trip. But it is so important to take time to recover and refresh after a trip so you can be the best version of yourself, the version God has designed you to be.

Refreshment may look different depending on your personality, but should at minimum include a nice shower, a good meal, time with family and/or close friends, and at least a full day off to decompress, process, and sleep.

Planning Ahead: Welcome Incoming Middle School Students and Families

As fall programming approaches, your ministry is probably preparing to welcome new middle school students into the ministry for the first time. For our ministry, middle school starts at 6th grade as we follow what the majority of schools in our area do.

These new students are often flying high after being the top dogs in their elementary schools but also feeling the angst and social pressure of starting fresh in a new environment. Do you remember your middle school years? If it was anything like mine, they were filled with awkward moments, societal pressures, new friendships, figuring out my identity, and of course all of the other struggles that come with being an adolescent.

We can all agree that the transition into middle school can be difficult, and with that reality in mind, we must think critically about how we can help to welcome these new students and their families into our ministries. Today I want to share with you a few successful ways we have tackled this over our time in ministry.

Begin building relationships early.

If our first touch point with incoming 6th graders is when fall programming starts, I’d argue we are missing the mark. Instead, when they are 5th graders we should be seeking to build connections with them. If we take time to step into the elementary ministry and get to know 5th graders and their families, it will help make the transition to middle school ministry easier as they will already have an established relationship.

Connect families with small group leaders.

Reaching out and letting families and students know who their small group leaders are is a great way to help 6th graders feel seen, welcomed, and valued. Encourage your leaders to reach out and build rapport with parents and students, and to consider hosting a meet up where everyone can get to know one another.

Host a summer gathering that includes incoming families.

A great way to make an intentional connection with incoming 6th graders is to host an event where they are invited and can meet other current students and leaders. Our summer programming centers around monthly events and we intentionally reach out to our incoming 6th grade families and invite them to join us.

We set apart time for the new families and students to meet their small group leaders, gather information from our team, ask questions, and to build relationships. Moments like this help new students and families build relationships and release some of the tension that comes with stepping into a new phase and ministry.

Honor and welcome them.

Kicking off fall programming is a great time to welcome in your new students and help them know that they belong. This could be through your setup and decor, praying over them in front of the youth group, hosting a special event to celebrate moving into middle school, providing a special gift and/or a special note, hosting a luncheon for students and families, or pairing them with an upperclassman who can help them acclimate to student ministry.

Be available.

One of the best things you can do for students and families is to be available. Depending on your church context, your people may not know where your office is, what your office hours are, or where programming takes place. Helping families and students know where things are and that you are available for them helps them know that they belong.

We intentionally show families where our student ministry offices are, make sure they know we are here for them, and highlight the resources we have for families. In a time of transition it is important that your students know they have a person/people who will be present and available for them.

What are some ways you intentionally welcome new families and students into your ministry?

Trip Tricks: Be Prepared

Have you ever had something unexpected happen on a trip? Perhaps it was a vehicle issue, sickness or a hospital run? Maybe allergies spiked due the work you were doing or bee stings, housing arrangements not working out, or a variety of other circumstances.

I’ve personally experienced all the above and then some during the trips I have been on. Some of these issues you can handle in kind but others require you to be prepared as best you can.

When I was newer to youth ministry I didn’t think about the “what if” situations that could happen. My inexperience didn’t make me a bad youth pastor, but it did put me at a disadvantage when certain situations arose.

Looking back now, I can see various ways I wish I was prepared to handle those moments, and I want to share them with you. I hope to help you be better prepared for, if, and when those moments happen.

Keep a level head.

This is the very first thing you must have a handle on when things go awry or not as you planned. Students and volunteers alike will reflect your energy and temperament in all circumstances. If you are acting frantic, if you are experiencing a meltdown, or you seem scared or worried, they will all respond in kind.

Instead what you should do is approach each circumstance with an even response and mild temperament. When you can pause, breathe, and collect yourself, you will be able to make informed and beneficial decisions as they are needed. It will also help your group to remain calm and not panic in the moment.

Have a good first aid kit.

A first aid kit is something I’ve always made sure to have because of the years I spent working in the security industry. First aid kits that are purchased at Walmart or Amazon don’t always have all the items you will need. Bandaids and ice packs are good things to have but you will often find yourself needing a variety of items that aren’t included in a basic kit.

What I’d recommend is checking with someone who is a nurse or EMT to find out what items you should have in a first aid kit and how many of those items there should be. Then you can create a custom kit for your trips.

Know your resources.

I’ll never forget the one time we were at a camp and had a medical emergency. A student suffered a horrible concussion and needed emergency treatment. We were sent to an urgent care facility but they weren’t equipped to handle that situation so we had to call EMS to take us to a trauma hospital over an hour and a half away.

If we had known that the hospital was where we needed to be, we could have gotten there sooner (and yes, the student’s completely fine and was released that same day). That situation taught me to know what my resources were wherever I was taking students.

If you are going on a trip it’s important to know where hospitals, doctor offices, and fire departments are. Know how to get to certain places like auto part stores and mechanics. Try to plan out rest stops, gas stations, and places to eat on longer trips. Have people back home and on your trip that you can go to with various issues (having someone who knows cars is awesome and having a nurse or doctor on the team is a wonderful thing).

Train your leaders.

Another thing that will help you to be prepared on your trips is training your leaders in a variety of situations. You can get them CPR and first aid certified. You can help equip them with how to respond during emergencies and various circumstances.

You can assign them roles for each of those moments as well. Even asking leaders to simply herd and distract students while you handle the main issue is key because it allows for you to be focused on rectifying the situation.

Being over-prepared isn’t a bad thing.

My leaders jokingly chide me about how much stuff I bring on trips and how big my backpack is. I have my own first aid kit, extra items students may need, all of my documents in case they’re needed, plenty of Advil, and basically anything else I may end up needing.

Do I always need what I pack? No. But would I rather have and not need than need and not have? You better believe it.

When I think through a trip, a ministry event, and even just regular programming, I always try to be as prepared as possible to handle whatever happens. That doesn’t mean that I’m trying to be omniscient, but instead seeking to care well for my people by being prepared and ready to jump into whatever happens.