Category: Resources

How to Host Intentional Events

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Yesterday Elise and I watched the Super Bowl from the comfort of our own home as we relaxed, ate snacks, and enjoyed the commercials and Taylor Swift commentary. That wasn’t always the case though. We were reflecting this past week about how at our prior church we hosted a massive “Big Game” party.

We provided wings, pizza, and snacks. We brought in a mobile laser tag company. We had inflatables going all night long. There was a dodge ball tournament and few rooms down we had Just Dance going. We had the Big Game going in a room filled with couches and comfy seating. We also incorporated a lesson at halftime for our students. And that was just during the game.

Prior to we had all the organization and set up. We were attempting to pre-screen all the commercials. We were ordering all the food and connecting with the companies who were bringing in our event items. And we were organizing prizes for our annual game day quiz.

But do you know what this party actually lacked? Intentionality. The only real purpose this party had was just that: to be a party. Students would invite their friends and attend, but there was very little spiritual reward for the amount of effort, time, and work that went into it. We rarely saw new students return, students weren’t focused on the lesson, leaders were frustrated by how intense and long the event was, and no one really got to watch the game.

In many ways, it was discouraging in the moment and now reflecting back it has challenged us to be more intentional in how we plan, organize, and run events. So how do you actually host intentional parties or events?

Align with your mission and vision.

This is a big part to any event or gathering that you host. I’m ashamed to admit that it took me a long time to get to this point but once I understood it, it radically altered my approach and methodology to ministry. Aligning your mission and vision with what you do helps your ministry to drive home what you’re seeking to replicate and cultivate.

Our vision is this: to be an encouraging community of disciples who are sent to build the kingdom of God. That means we will say yes to events that help us build out our vision of disciple-making. On the flip side it means we will say no to other things. That doesn’t mean we don’t like them or that they don’t serve a purpose. We are simply saying we are seeking to align with our mission and vision and that is what drives us. This point will help you focus on what you are doing by giving you purpose and direction, and it will also shape the identity of your ministry.

Have a stated purpose and goal.

This goes hand-in-hand with the previous point. While you may have the understanding that the event you’re hosting aligns with your vision, does everyone else? Do your leaders know? What about the students and their families? I’m not saying you need to write out a thesis statement for each thing you do, but by providing a purpose and goal you’re helping to bring clarity, understanding, and direction to your ministry.

It could be something as simple as putting a line in your newsletter explaining the event and what your hope is for it. It could be announcing it to your students and leaders at youth group. Or it could be something you share at a training for your leaders. Outlining the goal and purpose will provide understanding and clarity for your group.

Generate buy-in.

This is really important when it comes to hosting events. If you and your leaders aren’t excited and talking about your event why would you expect your students to be excited? Your excitement and attitude is key to generating buy-in, but you can also do this by empowering your students to be the voice for your ministry.

If students are excited and participating in the event, let them be the vocal supporters and challenge them to invite their friends. Also, look to create unique elements to your events that are outside of the normal everyday programming that you host. Whether it’s a competition, prizes, different snacks, or something else, look to bring in different elements that will excite and engage your students and their peers.

Incorporate students.

Just as we said with the previous point, students are essential to the success of intentional events. Having their buy-in is huge, but so is utilizing their gifts and having them help facilitate the event. Students are amazing leaders and if you give them the opportunity they will seize it and do great things. Bring them in, hear their ideas, incorporate their suggestions, allow them to thrive and fail, and see what God will do in and through them.

Utilize the church body.

Crafting spaces for inter-generational relationship opportunities and community to occur will help your intentional events thrive. We have an amazing older couple who faithfully serve in our cafe each week and at any event that has food. They embody the love of Jesus as they smile and engage with students, even going so far as stopping what they are doing to sit and listen to a student who is having a bad week.

These type of volunteers and others in your church can show students the love of Jesus and help foster a true inter-generational church atmosphere. This will do wonders to help your church grow and mature. It may take time and effort on your part to create these moments and challenge the church to step up, but keep beating that drum and pray for God to awaken the church toward this vital mission.

Create space for connection and community.

Whatever your event, creating opportunities for community and connections is key. There will always be students who desire quieter spaces and opportunities to engage in conversations. So having places for those opportunities will help to create a successful event. It can just be some couches or tables and chairs that have games, coloring books, or activities, but that are situated in a way that encourages conversations. These spaces will help everyone feel valued and seen and provide a place for people to be refreshed and encouraged.

What are the priorities you seek to embody at your events?

Helping Your Group Prepare for a Trip

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Our winter retreat is coming up toward the end of this month, and we are so excited to be taking our students and leaders to a place we know and love. In thinking about how we gear up and plan for trips, I reflected on how the ways we prepare have grown and evolved during our time in ministry.

As the ministry leader, it’s often easy to assume we know what needs to be shared, posted, and explained, but I’ve learned during my time in ministry that what I think is correct and needed isn’t what our people need. Listening to leaders, students, and families has helped our team understand what is needed and seek to communicate it better.

Today’s post is designed to help you think about how best to prepare your group for trips. It is important to think critically about what is communicated, how it is communicated, and to whom it is communicated. Here are some ways we have learned and developed to help do just that.

Post on social media.

We typically post about upcoming trips and departure times, but in the past few years we’ve started creating posts on Canva and sharing things like packing lists and important details for the trip. Other great things to post on social media include departure times and details; photos during the trip; prayer requests before, during, and after the trip; and return times. In order for this to be the most effective, it is important to remind parents that you will be posting helpful information on your various channels to communicate effectively.

Host leader meetings.

When we host these meetings we try to keep them to an hour max, right after church when most of our leaders are present. We walk through what the weekend will look like, explain the schedule, talk about expectations, outline small group time, and more. We talk through what to expect, how the camp is laid out, who will be in what cabins, and our rules and the camp rules.

We also give out gift bags to help make the trip a bit more bearable. These gift bags have snacks, drinks, coffee, Advil and Advil PM, lip balm, a flashlight, hand warmers, and other necessities for a trip in the winter with students. Typically our camps don’t provide discussion questions for small group time until we arrive, so we also curate some generic questions for our leaders to help them guide their group in a discussion. We also make sure to answer any questions our leaders have and to spend time praying together for our trip.

Email families.

This is a big one and helps to get communication out in a timely manner. We send emails with departure and return info, packing lists, what to expect, links to the camp website, contact info for our team, and other helpful information. The key to these emails is sending them well in advance of when people need the info and sending follow up emails as your departure gets closer.

Make announcements.

I don’t often suggest making multiple announcements to students because they frequently forget about them. But when we spend time and highlight the importance of the announcement it allows us to communicate what needs to be heard. For our students we highlight key things like departure time, packing lists, and what to expect. These key aspects are highly important and allow our students to hear what is necessary for them leading up to the trip.

Have supplies ready.

This is important for both leaders and students. We equip our leaders with mini first aid kits (we have larger ones in specific areas or with specific leaders), camp maps, full itineraries, and anything else they may need (see above). We also have snack totes, game totes, and a resource tote with Bibles, pens, notebooks, and other items that we tell our leaders about and where they will be located. For our students, we let them know that we have additional toiletries (think travel section at your local dollar store) if they forgot anything, a few extra pairs of winter gloves and hats, and of course Bibles, pens, and notebooks.

Wait to make cabin assignments.

This is specifically for students and families. We used to release cabin assignments before the trip and this often led to parents and students trying to change assignments for a variety of reasons. Trying to change assignments can be messy and difficult, but it will also add more complexity and frustration for you as the planner. Instead, we only share cabin assignments with leaders ahead of time, and tell students where they will be when they arrive for check-in.

Now I will say this: we try very hard to keep friends and small groups together and overall we do a great job at this. This has caused families to trust our decisions. When they do ask for a change we take it on an individual basis and assess the request and reasoning before working to change anything.

Have a list of departure announcements ready.

This is more for you as the key leader of the trip. Having a list of announcements to run through will help you expedite the departure and also remember the key things that need to be stated. We highlight treating our drivers with respect, cleaning up the vehicles, treating the camp and their staff well, listening to leaders, following rules, and not taking prohibited items including phones (we will hold them for students but not charge them to help them be intentional in their time at camp).

Our Picks: A Christmas Resource

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You are probably reading this after Christmas, but we wanted to share with you a resource we have found incredibly beneficial and meaningful for students and ourselves. Our desire isn’t that you rush to buy this resource and accomplish it, but instead to recommend something you can utilize in years to come in your ministry and personal life.

This resource is the Advent Study Book by She Reads Truth. If you click on the link it will actually take you to a resource page that has all of their advent guides for this year listed. They have resources for men and women that are also applicable to students, resources for children, and both physical and digital options. And if you purchase a study book, they will send you even more resources through email.

We have written about She Reads Truth before and the devotional guides that they have. These guides are hugely beneficial for students and they have all different types of studies that can relate to different students and learning styles.

This is a great resource for Christmas and one that can be utilized in small groups, for individuals, or even as a guide for leading a large group study through advent. She Reads Truth sets up this study to be easily accessible and relatable to anyone who picks it up, and provides connections from Scripture to our daily lives. One of the ways this is helpful to students is highlighting the connectivity of the Old Testament to the New Testament. The story of Jesus that is featured in this study is a wonderful opportunity to highlight the redemptive plan of salvation that God has for humanity.

Another awesome aspect of this study is the intentionality it shows in highlighting rest and peace by incorporating “grace” days for each Sunday. These days are designed not to just be a break from doing devotions but to truly help us engage with sabbath rhythms and to rest in Christ. They are designed to help us rest in the goodness and wonder of God, and to take the time we would have spent engaging with the study to reflect on what God has been speaking to us over the past week.

She Reads Truth always includes fun extras in their studies, and these extras will vary from study to study. This one includes a very special cider recipe, some classic Christmas carols, tips for memorizing Scripture, prayers, an introduction to advent, and much more. This is a wonderful study for the advent season or even if you are doing a “Christmas in July” event.

Another thing that I love about the advent studies from She Reads Truth is that they stick around, and typically the prior years will go on sale during the current Christmas season. So if you’re on a tight budget or looking for something a little cheaper, you can purchase the prior year’s study and utilize it for your current setting. There are no dates in the actual study, but the front of the book will list the year it was made for. If you are willing to look past the year, these are awesome resources to pick up on the cheap in the new year.

Overall, this is an incredible resource and one of my favorite studies that She Reads Truth puts out. The intentionality and ability to draw people into the story of Jesus is amazing.

What resources have you found to be helpful and meaningful to your community during the advent season?

Last Minute Christmas Party Games

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It’s the week before Christmas and for some of us, that means taking a break from ministry for a week or two. But there are other ministries that keep going and may be meeting sometime this week for their Christmas party. If you are in the latter category and looking for some easy, quick, and little-prep games for your party, you’ve come to the right place.

Let’s face it: we’ve all had a moment where for whatever reason, our event and activities have been placed on the back burner. That’s not a reflection of you or your heart, but it sometimes happens. And right now you may feel pressed for time and wondering if you’ll even be able to pull this party off because you still need a great Christmas message and games may not be your thing. It happens, we’ve all been there or will be there. This post is meant to help you have a great Christmas party for your students, or maybe even show up at your staff party as the hero with fun activities, or give you something fun to do when all of the family is over during the holidays. So here are some quick and easy Christmas party game ideas.

An easy Christmas scavenger hunt.

We have written about scavenger hunts in the past where we have used Scavr. This is not what I am suggesting. That takes a lot of back end work and would completely bog down any prep time you have this week. Think of this in the classic “Bring Me” style game but instead of doing it one item at a time, it’s a scavenger hunt where students either have to physically collect items or take photos of them. It could also have various elements like “have a group take a video singing Christmas carols in front of a manger,” “take a group picture by Christmas lights,” or “have your group dress up as wise men.” Including elements that are within your church and relatable to your church will help make this game relatively easy and successful.

Charades or reverse charades.

Charades is always a fun group game to utilize where you have a group of people guessing the action of an individual. This can be played in head-to-head fashion with multiple teams competing against each other, or if you have a smaller group it can be played all together with your group guessing the actions of one individual at a time.

Another fun way to play this game is reversing the function of the game: the group will act out the action while one person or only a couple of people guess. This allows for your group to be a little more creative and to craft a scene. I would suggest giving your groups around 30-60 seconds to come up with a plan if you are doing reverse charades. The scenes that you are utilizing should be Christmas-focused and could be Christmas movies, winter/Christmas activities, Christmas carols, or Christmas stories.

Christmas Scattergories.

Scattergories is a great game regardless of the time of year. It can be utilized in a smaller group where individuals play against one another. Or larger groups can be broken into small groups competing together, or even as a head-to-head style game where competitors go back and forth on answering. Regardless of how you run this game, think about different categories you can use to make the game more Christmasy.

Here are a few ideas to get you going: Christmas movies, Christmas songs, Christmas food items, Christmas characters, stocking stuffers, Christmas activities, Christmas traditions, something at the North Pole, gifts, or Christmas decorations. This is a game that is sure to produce lots of laughs and some spirited debates. But as long as you can keep it moving and see that your crew is having fun, the longer you can lean on this game to help make your Christmas party a blast.

PowerPoint Games.

Download Youth Ministry has a bunch of PowerPoint games available on their website, and I’ll be honest with saying these have saved me in many circumstances. There are all different styles of games and they can be utilized in a variety of ways depending on your group size and dynamic. Most of these will need to be paid for, but they are totally worth it. My advice would be to purchase games that have a higher review rating and ones that will connect with your group.

Christmas tree or Christmas present decorating.

Now I know what you’re thinking: why would we have our students decorate a tree or wrap a present? But hear me out: what if the tree or present was a student or leader? Right?! Now you’ve given your group the challenge to decorate someone in the most festive way possible and this is easily accomplished by purchasing (or finding) some gift wrap, bows, tinsel, tape, and maybe a few other additional items.

Another fun piece to include if you’re going with the gift idea is to get some larger boxes to wrap your people up in. Let your group go crazy with how they decorate their people and then up the ante by having them walk a runway and have a teammate explain their creativity. Another quick tip: purchasing these items can be done in an inexpensive way by shopping at a dollar store or Walmart or in a pinch purchasing online on Amazon.

Our Picks: Royal Servants

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As a student ministry leader you have probably led your own mission trip or partnered with a mission agency at some point in your ministry career. We all know that mission trips are important in the lives of students because of how they impact their hearts and relationship with Jesus. We know that when they are in a focused environment, building relationships with people, and serving others, they will begin to grow as a disciple of Jesus.

If you have led your own mission trip before you know how much work goes into planning and leading the actual trip. There’s setting the schedule, organizing service projects, figuring out meals, scheduling travel, arranging sleeping assignments, handling debriefs, managing conflicts and stressors, and all the other things that pop up. Leading a mission trip that you are putting together takes a lot of preparation, planning, and intentionality as you not only lead but also care for your students, leaders, and the people to whom you’re ministering.

If you’ve found a partner agency to go with that meets your needs and focus as a ministry, you know how beneficial this can be. Our ministry typically looks at running our own trips or partnering with the different mission arms of our denomination. This allows us to make sure the vision and mission of our ministry align with those of the partnering organizations. But, I also love to find additional opportunities for our students that embrace our vision and actively engages in discipleship.

That’s where Royal Servants comes into the picture. Royal Servants is part of Reign Ministries and offers summer-long trips for all students including middle school, high school, and college age. These are trips that take place all over the world and are focused on reaching people with the Gospel and helping students to engage and grow in the discipleship process.

Like many youth workers, I found out about Royal Servants from a phone call. Hank Dahl, one of the mission trip leaders for Royal Servants, reached out to connect and to simply share his heart. What I instantly respected about Hank is he wasn’t looking to make a sales pitch or offer me something in place of what we do as a ministry. Instead, he wanted to offer an additional option but only after pushing our students toward our own trips. Hank’s and Royal Servants’ heart is to be an additional option for students with the express desire to help them grow in discipleship and missional opportunities.

The first time we had Hank join us, he asked if he could speak to our students. He didn’t ask to share his own lesson but instead offered to teach on whatever our series was focused on. Being a youth ministry veteran, Hank instantly connected with my students and did a superb job sharing that evening. At the end of his lesson, he gave a brief synopsis of who Royal Servants is and what their trips were for that year. He then encouraged our students to go to small groups and find him afterwards at a table in the lobby. Hank didn’t try to pull our students away from time in their small group but instead pushed them into their discipleship time and encouraged them to take initiative in connecting with him afterward.

Hank’s heart, that of his team and Royal Servants overall, is to partner with student ministries around the country and to help them provide additional avenues for their students to engage in discipleship and missional opportunities. We have had several of our students participate in trips with Royal Servants and all have come back changed and strengthened in their faith. When many of them returned, they took leadership roles and began to reach out to people in their schools and communities. They also began to push students in our ministry to serve in their spheres of influence and to go on mission trips with our student ministry. It wasn’t focused on just encouraging their peers to join Royal Servants, but to instead serve where God is calling them. This again highlights the way that Royal Servants equips and trains students and is why I will continue to invite them to our church and encourage my students to participate.

If you’re looking for a great partner organization, one that seeks to reach the lost and equip students as disciple-makers, then Royal Servants is the organization for you. I highly encourage you to reach out to Hank–let him know I told you to :)–and see what this ministry can do to help your students grow and flourish.

The Importance of a Health and Wellness Policy

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A health and wellness policy was something that years ago I would never have considered. We never talked about it in any of my classes or education environments. It only began to come up when I was involved in my ministry cohort, which was going on shortly after the pandemic started.

Our church implemented a health and wellness policy like many others once COVID-19 hit in our area. We implemented guidelines and policies to ensure that everyone remained safe and healthy. Like many other churches, these policies were met with mixed reactions. But after refining the policy and thinking about the future of health and safety for the church, we now have a policy that exists for all ministries and seeks to love and care for our people in meaningful and proactive ways.

I don’t mean to write this post as a worst-case scenario, or to try to instill fear, but instead to help us serve and care for our communities well. This is an opportunity for us show the love of Jesus in very real and tangible ways as we help to protect our community. With the fall upon us, we will start to see a rise in the common cold, flu, RSV, and COVID as students are back in school and activities are ramping up. So how do we handle this well? What are some key things to make sure we implement?

Have an overall wellness policy, not a policy per illness.

We don’t have a COVID-19 policy, we have a health and wellness policy with an addendum about COVID. That means our policy has health and wellness guidelines for all sorts of illnesses and helps us address the entirety of the community, not just the ones who catch a certain illness.

Make sure your guidelines are clear.

I don’t know about you, but I have some students who love to try to find a way around the rules. Whether it’s a PowerPoint game, a group competition, or even just the guidelines for our youth group. But I think we all know this doesn’t just apply to students. Sometimes leaders and parents will try to get around guidelines and rules, so make sure they are clear and easily understood. Don’t over-complicate the guidelines but instead look for clarity in what you are stating.

Keep it simple.

This is something I learned during 2020 when we tried to spell out all the rules and have all the contingencies. But truth be told, we either weren’t prepared for the circumstances that developed or we had a ton of rules for moments that never materialized. What I learned through all of that was to keep these guidelines simple. Instead of trying think through all the rationalizing that we can do for an illness and if people should participate, just keep it simple and say, “If you’re feeling sick, stay home.” The simpler the guidelines the better and easier they are to understand.

Have PPE items available.

The term PPE (personal protective equipment) became extremely popular during the pandemic and many people presume that this refers to mask, gloves, and sanitizer. But it actually can expand to much more. Yes, gloves and masks are helpful–especially if you have to deal with first aid issues that may involve blood borne pathogens–but there are other items to include. These could be certain cleaners, hand sanitizers, Clorox or similar style wipes, first aid items, and hand soaps at all hand washing locations.

Be willing to explain the reasoning for your policy.

When we first instituted our policy we got a lot of questions. Yes, you could make the argument that we all had a lot of questions about our wellness policies in 2020, but the reality is I still get questions as to why we have one. My answer is usually pretty simple: we believe that part of being followers of Jesus means caring for one another (especially those who are in need) and this is one of the best ways we can do that. Sometimes that suffices and other times it does not. We have to be willing to share the reasoning for our policy, but also need to understand there will still be those who disagree regardless of our reasoning.

Explain the policy to students, families, and leaders.

Clarity of thought and communication is key for this policy. These guidelines and policies need to be communicated to everyone they affect, and that means thinking through the spheres of communication. We always walk through this at all of our leader training sessions, communicate it to students at the start of each semester, and we send it out to all parents in our newsletter. That way everyone is aware of our policy and the reasoning behind it.

So what are our guidelines?

They’re pretty simple: if you’re sick stay home. That goes for students and leaders. We love that our leaders are dedicated but if they are sick, they aren’t going to be at their best and they could get others sick. The only addendum we have is for COVID-19, and that is simple as well. For the first five days we ask the student or leader to stay home (i.e. not coming to church activities) and then the next five days they are able to participate but with a mask.

Our reasoning is exactly what we stated above: to love and care for others well no matter the circumstance. We want to make sure that our immuno-compromised friends can still come and not have to worry about getting sick and that we don’t spread illness around to others. We believe that Jesus, being the great Healer, would want His followers to do all they can to ensure the health of His Bride, the church. We embody that through our health and wellness guidelines.

Hosting a Meaningful Senior Commissioning

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It’s that time of year when we see all the graduation pictures, receive grad party announcements, and maybe even get invited to a graduation ceremony or two. We’ve written before about honoring seniors and helping to spiritually prepare them for college. In today’s post I want to focus in on one way to do that and offer some ways to do it well with a senior commissioning. I know for some ministries this time may have passed, but it doesn’t mean you can’t do something during the summer, or think about next year and how to impart new or different ideas into your current context and culture.

Let me first explain what I mean when I say senior commissioning. I grew up in churches that would recognize and celebrate seniors on a “senior Sunday,” and I must admit that this was my practice when I started working in student ministry. It usually comprises parading students onstage and, depending on the number, sharing their next steps. Then there’s usually a short word from the youth pastor followed by a brief prayer and applause from the congregation. There’s nothing wrong with this approach, but as I stepped back and assessed what we were doing and why we were doing it, I realized that there are more intentional, relational, and spiritual approaches we could take.

Out of that thought, and many refining steps along the way, we developed our senior commissioning. This is a multi-step approach to not only honoring seniors but also commissioning, encouraging, and preparing them for their next steps as they move beyond high school and student ministry. So let me explain the details for how this looks and how we strive to make this an intentional approach in our disciple-making process.

Communicate.

Months before we actually host our commissioning we reach out to our seniors and their families and let them know what will be happening. We also ask them to fill out a form that has specific information that we will utilize in a booklet for families and show on our screens during our commissioning in the church services. We ask for a senior photo, their favorite memories from their time in student ministries, what trips they went on with our program, what their plans are after graduation, and how can we pray for them. These pieces are all utilized to create a brochure that we give out to our congregants and families to highlight our students. We also continue to communicate with the seniors and families about what we are doing as we get closer to our commissioning ceremony.

Create gift bags.

We do a lot of gift bags throughout the year. We do leader gift bags for when they go on trips with us. There are gift bags for families when we host respite days. Gifts bags for our large training at the beginning of the school year. Gift bags at Christmas. And I’ll be honest, sometimes when you do a lot of gift bags, they begin to look the same. There may be subtle differences but they all have the same feel.

The reason I bring that up is because we want these bags to be thoughtful, intentional, relational, and student-specific. That means we have special name tags and personalized cards instead of a generic gift bag with a general card. We also add in cards signed by our whole staff team and a personalized letter signed by our student team and senior pastor letting them know we are for them and this is their church that loves them. We put in some candy because you know…student ministry. We put in celebratory items like glow sticks and confetti poppers. We get them either book about following Jesus in college or a devotional. Sometimes we throw in a gift card to a local dessert shop.

Purchase items for a reception.

When we host our senior commissioning, it isn’t just about bringing our students on stage and praying for them. That’s a big piece of what we do, but we also want to have a reception time to celebrate and honor the graduates. When you host a reception, you are highlighting the relational component of your ministry and valuing the personhood of each of your graduates. So think about what your reception could and should look like.

Our reception happens during our 10:30 a.m. service time, so we have light refreshments like mini bagels and small pastries. We also provide coffee and orange juice. At our church, most of our rooms are multipurpose which means they tend to have standard items that don’t necessarily feel inviting unless you’re intentional with the space. So we love to incorporate tablecloths, centerpieces, balloons, music, and even a fun backdrop for photos. The little touches make the reception feel more special and make our graduates feel seen and loved.

So think about what items you could purchase to make the reception a little more inviting and special. You don’t need to blow your budget to make an event special. It’s often little things like a flavored coffee creamer, a photo booth, tablecloths, balloons, or even just a welcoming space that truly make this a special moment for graduates and their families.

Have intentional time for families.

One thing I hear often from parents and students alike is how busy everyone is. I mean think about: when was the last time every one of your students showed up to youth group on time? Students are incredibly busy and running from one event to the next. The same is true for families, so much so that they often don’t get time to simply be together and pour into one another. One of the best parts of our senior commissioning is creating space for families to simply be together.

We carve out 20 minutes from our reception to give parents and families time to speak into their graduate and to encourage them. We don’t just spring this on them at the reception; we email out all the details ahead of time and even give them some prompts on what this time could entail. These are moments that the families can utilize however they want and we always get great feedback from them that this is one of their favorite parts.

Challenge and prayer.

We make sure to conclude the commissioning with a challenge and prayer time for our graduates. We want to challenge and encourage them to continue in their faith journey and to help them know that we are for them. We also take time to encourage and challenge parents. This is a time of change for parents and it is important to help them see these changes but also to show them ways to engage with the changes and still shepherd their graduate. This is not intended to take up a lot of time during the reception but instead is meant to provide guidance and encouragement in a short amount of time.

Connect grads with a college ministry.

I will be fully transparent with you and tell you that I struggled with this for many years. Not because I didn’t believe in it, but we just couldn’t seem to get the transition from high school to college ministry to work. This past year we have finally been able to see this transition start to work.

We begin by connecting our seniors with our college ministry leaders at the beginning of the school year. We also utilize our college leaders’ house as a Home Group location for our seniors once a month. Then our college leaders continue to connect with and invite the seniors to college student gatherings that are highly relational throughout the year. At our senior commissioning we invite our college leaders onstage with other church leaders and families to pray over our graduates, and then give our college ministry ample time to share during the reception. This has already started to reap rewards as many of our graduates are already attending our college ministry.

You Are Not Alone: What to Do When You Feel Like It

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Ministry can be a really lonely place sometimes; especially when you’re going through hardships, difficulties, loss, and trials. This loneliness can look different for each of us. You could be the only youth pastor in a small town. You may be on a team but no one really knows you. You may be critiqued and ridiculed by leadership. You might have been told you won’t amount to much or you’ve hit your glass ceiling. Or perhaps you believe you aren’t good enough or have failed.

There are so many reasons that ministry can feel very lonely. And those reasons are only compounded further when there are difficult moments and trials. When you feel alone and then have to walk through your own trial or help someone through theirs, it’s depleting and alienating because it compounds the feeling of isolation.

Have you been there? Are you there now? Whether you have been there or you are there, this post is for you. It’s also for those of you who haven’t been there yet, because you can serve as a place of refuge and a loving support to those who are. The points below aren’t all-encompassing; they are designed to provide hope, encouragement, and community.

Remember that you are seen, valued, and loved.

It would be easy to default to saying, “God knows what you’re going through and loves you.” And while yes, it is true, for those experiencing periods of isolation and loneliness, it just rings a little hollow. You know it to be true, but there is a part of us that also wants the broader community to say it to us as well. We are relational beings and as such we want people to love and value us as well.

When we are in the throes of isolation we often obtain blinders that convince us no one cares or loves us, and that is a lie from the depths of hell. People don’t always say it, but they do see and love you. It isn’t always easy when it isn’t said or seen, but don’t believe the lie that no one cares. In fact, as you’re reading this, know that we love and care about you! We are in your corner and for you!

Build networks.

There are so many great ways to build a network. Depending on your context this can be through local youth ministry networks. Many towns that have multiple youth ministries actually have regular gatherings of youth workers for encouragement and fellowship. If you’re unsure if one exists, contact another youth worker to see if they know of one. Should there not be one, perhaps you could be the catalyst to the beginning of a network in your area.

Another option could be a denominational network. Many denominations have semi-regular gatherings and different ministries within the denomination also have regular meet-ups. Check and see what your denomination offers and consider jumping into those networks.

There are other opportunities like cohorts, conferences, and mentorships that will help you grow and develop as well as provide meaningful opportunities for fellowship and community. Other networks could include social media groups, but be cautious as many can be contentious and filled with heated debates as well as not necessarily afford you a true and authentic network.

Find community.

Networks and community can go hand-in-hand, but sometimes certain networks may not provide the community you need for a variety of reasons. So how do you find needed community no matter what setting you are in?

First, I would encourage you to find people with whom you can be authentic. Identify friends who you don’t have to present a certain way to, people you don’t need to be a pastor for. That way you can come and be wholly you with complete authenticity. Second, you may need to look outside your physical community. Sometimes, especially in smaller communities, you may feel like you cannot be fully authentic because everyone is connected to your church in some way. In those cases, you will need to look regionally or even broader. In those cases, you may find community through networks like cohorts, conferences, or online communities.

If you’re looking for a cohort that offers training and equipping as well as community and relationships, let me encourage you to check out Slingshot and connect with our friend Brian Aaby. Brian led a cohort that I was able to be a part of and that cohort changed my life. Aside from excellent coaching, training, and equipping, I have made lifelong friendships with some of the most amazing people.

Another awesome resource for community is being developed and launched by our friend Tim Eldred called The Authentic Pastor. This amazing resource provides a podcast, coaching, online community, and more. This is something Elise and I believe in so much that we have provided a review and are honored to contribute to.

I also want to remind you that Elise and I are here for you as well. This isn’t just a blog, it is a place to come and find community and refreshment. Our goal at Kalos is to build up a beautiful community that empowers and strengthens each member in their ministry, gifting, and calling. Simply put: we’ve got your back and are in your corner! You have a community here that is for you. You can always reach out to through our contact page and we are happy to encourage and walk with you.

Take a step of faith.

This is a broad statement that many could interpret different ways, so allow me to unpack it. First, maybe the step of faith is searching for community. Sometimes we default to the expectation that community should come to us. But community is a two way street. There are times we must step out and find that community for ourselves. It isn’t easy, especially when you serve in ministry because people tend to come to you. Now you may have to go find others for that community.

The second way I would interpret this statement is through the lens of asking, “Is this God’s way of helping me find what’s next in my ministry journey?” Sometimes we need more than a gentle nudging from God to see where He is calling us next. And often times, God allows us to walk through hardship to see the good and the hope He has prepared for us. Don’t read into that statement that you walk alone, because God often times is carrying you through those moments. So ask yourself, is God moving me to see where He is directing me?

Ask why you feel this way.

One of the best things you can do in these moments is self-assess. Sometimes it is helpful to step back and look at what is happening with a fresh set of eyes and an objective motivation. Doing this allows us to see what is really going on and hopefully begin to identify not only why this is happening but to also look toward a solution.

Sometimes we may be lonely due to our own busyness. Other times we may be lonely because we are the outsider in a tight-knit community. We may be lonely because the church is showing us the door. You may also be lonely if your age demographic isn’t represented. Looking at what is happening and asking why you feel this way, allows you to begin to address what is happening and move toward a healthy solution. It doesn’t mean you will like what you find or be excited (at first) about the solution. But it will help you grow and heal as you identify and move toward that goal.

Meet with a counselor.

Having a counselor is a blessing! In a position where we are often serving as a counselor to so many, having someone you can go to and be fully honest with is an amazing gift. When you are feeling alone and isolated, a counselor is a safe person with whom you can share and be honest about how you are feeling. Not only are they a safe person, they will also help you identify why you feel this way and help you move toward a healthy and beneficial solution.

Now I know not everyone has the luxury of finding a licensed, Christian-based counselor in their community for a variety of reasons. But there are other options as telahealth has truly grown by leaps and bounds. And one of the ways it has grown is through online counseling. There’s a Christian community of biblically sound Christian counselors at Faithful Counseling and it’s a wonderful place to get connected. Now you may be thinking, “What if the person I get paired with doesn’t understand me?” Great question! You can switch at any time without any additional cost. This is a win-win opportunity as you are connected with someone who loves and cares for you and will guide you toward healthy solutions.

As you’re finishing reading this post I want you to know three things: you are loved, you are not alone, and we are here for you! Know that you matter and you are here for a purpose. We are for you. We love you!

Book Review: She Deserves Better

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I’m back and reviewing another highly-recommended book by the team that brought us The Great Sex Rescue. As a regular listener to Sheila Wray Gregoire’s Bare Marriage podcast, and a survivor of growing up in purity culture, I was so excited to hear about–and get my hands on–her team’s new book, She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self & Speaking Up (written by Sheila, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky). And once I did, I was not disappointed.

Since this blog is dedicated to youth ministry and those serving within that context, let me start by saying up front, you need to read this book regardless of your gender, role within the church, or parental status. Yes, it is written in a format for mothers to read and discuss with their daughters. However, if you work with young people in any context, you need to take time to read, think through, and reckon with the topics discussed in She Deserves Better. Unfortunately, certain harmful messages and teachings have been accepted as Bible fact, and been propagated through the church for decades, and it’s time for that to end.

In She Deserves Better, the authors deal with topics surrounding girls’ faith, well-being and self esteem, emotional health, respect and boundaries, dating and identifying of toxic relationship traits, sex education and consent, and existing as a person who is allowed to take up space. Within each chapter they unpack harmful teachings from a biblical, evidenced-based perspective with scientific facts, personal stories, and examples from their surveys of thousands of women. And they particularly focus on church-based contexts, which most often involve youth group experiences.

Undoubtedly, there will be parts of this book that make some readers uncomfortable. If you’ve been drinking purity culture Kool-Aid all your life, some of these conversations may make you cringe, or make you feel like purity culture and its teachings are being attacked. But here’s the thing, if we begin to uncover things that are proven to be systemically harmful to others, we have a responsibility to do something about it. That may include painful introspection as we think about the messages we’ve preached. It may include dealing with how we have treated or silenced others along the way. And for some, it may include unlearning teachings that have been ingrained in us since birth.

Some of us could easily sit back and say, “purity culture didn’t directly harm me,” or “I thought this was biblical,” or worse yet, claim we didn’t know better and therefore are excused. But these things are no longer an excuse to continue down a destructive road or turn a blind eye to it. We should know better, we do know better, and now it’s time to do better, both for the next generation, but also the countless women who need help deconstructing layers of shame, assault, and toxic teachings. She Deserves Better starts us down the road to do just that. 

If you are a parent, I encourage you to invest in this book and use it to have conversations with your children (girls and boys, because heaven knows we need to raise up men who know how to treat women). If you are a pastor, youth pastor, or lay leader, please invest in this book, not just to share with parents, though that is strongly encouraged, but also to help educate yourself. If you are leading parents and students in any capacity, these topics will come up. The best thing you can do is educate yourself so that you can handle them correctly and well.

If you aren’t a parent or a “youth person,” but you came out of purity culture scarred and broken, I would also encourage you to give the gift of this book to yourself. Let yourself unpack the baggage, begin to heal the wounds, reteach your younger self, and move forward with freedom in Christ. Many of the issues unpacked in She Deserves Better boil down to mistreatment of women within church culture. And if that has been your experience, I am so deeply sorry and I carry that pain with you. You didn’t deserve it, and you don’t deserve it now. As the book states, you deserve better.

May we have the courage to collectively work to build a better world for girls and women, with the church leading the way. This book is just one step on that journey, but it is a big step, and I invite you to take it with us.

The Passage Ceremony: Celebrating Students’ Milestones

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Students have a lot of big milestones in their lives. There’s graduation from pre-k, kindergarten, and junior high. There’s turning 16. Becoming an Eagle Scout. Getting their license. Going to prom. Turning 18. Graduation from high school. And many more celebratory moments.

The sad truth is many of these milestones aren’t celebrated or honored for a variety of reasons. People are busy, so family and friends can’t always make it. There are conflicting schedules and events; people don’t always want to go to ceremonies because of the time commitment. And because there are so many moments in students’ lives, it is easy to assume you can skip one and simply show up at another.

The truth is these moments in students’ lives are pivotal and quite important in how they mentally develop and grow, the shaping of their identity, and their understanding of the Gospel. If these milestones are so important, let me pose a question: when was the last time your church celebrated these moments in the lives of your students? I don’t ask this question to shame or make us feel bad, but instead to push us to do some self-reflection. If I’m being honest, until moving to our current church, I never really considered these moments and didn’t do anything to celebrate them other than going to graduation parties.

But is that the best and only option? Or is there something more that we can be doing? The more I’ve thought about the ways we honor, celebrate, commission, and challenge our students, the more I want to share with you something that we have refined and honed over the past six years in order to do just that: The Passage Ceremony. I know, the name needs work, but let me highlight what this is and how we utilize this ceremony to honor and challenge our students. This isn’t a one size fits all approach, but instead is a resource you can adapt and leverage in your ministry setting and refine to make it beneficial for your context.

The Passage Ceremony.

In the course of middle school and high school ministry there are many key milestones that can and should be celebrated. We have chosen three aspects to focus on: transitioning into 6th grade (or middle school), transitioning into 9th grade, and high school graduation. The reason we chose to focus on these moments is because they are shared among students holistically. Not all students go to prom, not all students do extracurricular activities, not all students get their license at the same time. These three moments typically hit the majority of students and allow for the greatest impact. Therefore, the Passage Ceremony centers around these three “rites of passage.”

Our Passage Ceremony has a few key aspects to it. Here is what they include:

1. Food and community. We make sure to provide a lunch for the families who are coming to the ceremony and we utilize round tables to facilitate conversation and community. We also bring in our volunteer leaders to connect them with our students and families.

2. Explanation of the ceremony. We have someone stand up during the meal time to talk to families about why we are hosting the ceremony, what it is for, and to share our commitment to students and families.

3. Intentional time for parents to speak into the lives of students. We know families are busy and life gets crazy, so we carve out 30 minutes for parents and guardians to speak into the lives of their students. We provide some guidance for what this looks like but have found that parents typically come prepared and actually would desire more time because of how impactful it is.

4. Honoring of students. When families come back from their time of encouragement, we host the formal part of the ceremony. We call up students individually according to their grades and give them a gift. Before we call them up, we explain why we are doing this and the symbolism to our ceremony. It is a time of encouragement, celebration, and intentional discipleship.

We take time in the months leading up to The Passage Ceremony to communicate with families what we are doing and what we are asking of them. At the end of this post, I’ve included that letter for you to utilize if you would like.

How to utilize celebratory moments.

In the letter below, you will see some of the order and flow for this ceremony. Additional things we provide include a light luncheon, facilitating the ceremony, and having a time of celebration and recognition at the end. Here are some key things to highlight in celebratory moments:

1. Make sure to recognize key people. This could include parents, students, volunteer leaders, ministry leaders, and others. Recognizing and pointing to them helps to highlight the focus and who the event is for.

2. Have a good facilitator and communicator. When you are honoring students it is important to have someone who can speak truth and encouragement into their lives with intentionality. You don’t want someone who doesn’t know them or stumbles over what to say because that doesn’t communicate value and worth. But having someone who does communicate well helps your students know they are loved and have a place to call home.

3. Make the environment celebratory. This could be as simple as having food and music, or you could decorate your space with balloons and centerpieces, or you could provide gifts. Whatever you choose make sure to be intentional and seek to create an atmosphere that celebrates your students.

4. Connect them with their leaders. Bringing your leaders into these moments is key because it values them, connects them to their students, and introduces them to parents.

5. Pray over your students. Let them know that they are loved and seen, and that they matter to you and to God. So pray for them and be in their corner.

Letter to Families:

As I have served in student ministries, I have seen a strong desire in parents to lead and guide their children as disciples, but the big question has always been “how?” The Passage Ceremony is one way for us to offer guidance to you and your students by giving you time and space to have needed conversations and by allowing us to support one another in this ongoing discipleship process. Parents, church leadership, and volunteer leaders will be part of this ceremony to signify the student’s desire to live as a disciple of Jesus.

Ceremonies are not a regular part of our culture, but with purpose and direction they can have a powerful impact on the discipleship journey of students. The Passage Ceremony is designed for you, as parents or a significant person in a student’s life, to have the opportunity to personally and privately give spiritual guidance and discipleship to them. The spiritual guidance should focus on:

  1. Affirming your commitment to being faithful parents and supporters of your student(s);
  2. Presenting or reviewing clear and specific guidance and evaluation of your student(s) as they continue to live as disciples of Jesus who are sent to build the kingdom of God.

Our vision for this ceremony is threefold:

  1. To affirm God’s design for parents and supporters as the main disciple-maker of their children;
  2. To affirm our commitment to you as a church and specifically as a student ministry to walk and partner with you in this discipleship process;
  3. To provide a meaningful opportunity for you to partner with the church to mark this significant milestone in their life together and commission them to continue to live as a disciple of Jesus.

Ceremonies typically have a symbol attached to them. We request that you supply a special Bible to use as the symbol of this ceremony. In the past families have purchased a new study Bible or use a special Bible they already have. The NIV Bible is highly suggested since it is the translation we most often use at church. Feel free to supply whatever size or color you would like.

We highly recommend that you use the inside cover to write a special note of vision and blessing to your student. Please drop off your signed Bible to the Receptionist’s Office to allow time for our staff to write in it as well. This Bible will be presented to your student(s) at the ceremony. Should you need any assistance in finding or purchasing a Bible, please contact our team and we will do all we can to assist you.

We will also provide time and space for you as parents to speak encouragement, affirmation, and Biblical truth into the life of your student. I would encourage you to think through this ahead of time so you can share this with them on Sunday. You could share why you are proud of them, what you are looking forward to experiencing with them, your desire to walk with them through this next phase of life, the truth of what you have seen God do in their lives, a life verse that you chose for them and why you chose it, and your prayer for them going forward.