Helping Families Win: Resources [Part 1]

Parents often ask if I have helpful tools and resources for reaching and ministering to their students. Often it revolves around boundaries, discipleship, relationships, depression, sexuality, and technology. But there are many areas that parents, and really most people, feel ill-equipped step into much less lead through.

Today, I want to offer some helpful digital resources for parents that you may be able to share with them or utilize on your own to equip and empower your families. These resources will touch on many topics but should not be seen as a supplement nor a replacement to pastoral shepherding and engagement. They are simply meant to be an additional means of equipping and leading our parents well. Next week, I will share various books that I believe will also be helpful and allow us to step in and minister to parents and their students.

Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (CPYU)

CPYU puts out solid content for families that is designed to not only help them navigate the cultural issues facing students but also to help students grow in their faith and the discipleship process. All of the content that they put out is helpful but there are a few that I want to specifically highlight. Their podcast hits on a wide range of topics that would be helpful for parents to listen to and utilize in caring for their students. This could be something that you as a youth leader listen to and utilize in an equipping way for parents, or simply point parents to. They also have a new feature that they have started during the past year called Family TableTalk Conversations. These are devotionals that have been put together by a wide range of youth workers around the country in an effort to help families have meaningful conversations about faith and application. CPYU also has a Parent Page which is a subscription-based resource that provides a monthly newsletter filled with helpful insight into culture, trends, and the latest happenings in the lives of students. CPYU’s blog also contains resources that are incredibly helpful and provides links to other resources and ministries.

Sexual Integrity Initiative

This is a wonderful resource put together by CPYU and Project Six19 to provide information and resources for parents, youth workers, and educators to help students navigate their sexuality. This is a solid, biblically-grounded resource that deals with current issues students are facing when it comes to sex and sexuality. They provide seminars you can sign up to have at your church or parent meeting, research on a wide range of topics related to students, and lots of resources including trend alerts, suggested reading, media, fact sheets, and much more. This is a must-have website for youth workers and parents, and something I would highly suggest utilizing within your ministry.

Preston Sprinkle

Preston is at the forefront of research into issues on sex, sexuality, gender, and culture and his website offers a plethora of helpful information, insight, research, and perspective. Preston is passionate about researching and understanding issues pertaining specifically to the LGBTQ+ community from a biblical perspective that will bring about thoughtful insight and understanding for those who listen. He specifically brings in people from varied upbringings, backgrounds, and belief systems to help others understand and gracefully respond. His blog and Theology in the Raw podcast are some of the most helpful for anyone, parent or youth worker, who is helping students navigate this often changing conversation.

The Source for Parents

This is a website that was hosted by Jonathan McKee. This past year, Jonathan has taken some time off to focus on personal things, and the site hasn’t been updated recently as a result. However, the content on the website is still solid, applicable, and helpful. Jonathan offers up insight into movies and songs that have come out and couples them with questions and thoughtful conversation starters. The website also hosts a whole section on parenting help and advice, free curriculum to work through, and a youth culture page. These resources still carry helpful insight into how to care for and minister to our students, and I would highly recommend this website and any of Jonathan’s books.

Ministry to Parents

I came across this website a few years back and have been extremely thankful for it. This is a subscription-based company, but they also offer a free blog that has a ton of insight and helpful material. The big win with this website is the content you gain when you sign up and pay for a subscription. They offer subscriptions for both kids and student ministries or a bundle package for both. As a subscriber of the bundle package, I can tell you the resources they put out are so beneficial. They help you in creating newsletters and setting up a web page for the parents in your ministry. They also have games, conversation starters, book reviews, and even curriculum to help your students grow in spiritual maturity throughout their adolescent years. I would highly recommend buying a subscription and fully utilizing this resource.

HomeWord

This is a website that hosts content that has largely been produced or modeled after Dr. Jim Burns and his research. There are many helpful books and articles on his website, and his free blog offers hundreds of articles that are helpful to parents. A quick search for parents will yield a variety of topics and insights that will be beneficial and applicable to families, and there are also articles about culture and latest trends, an entire page devoted to families, and various other topics.

Practical Tips for Counseling Students

Students today are dealing with a variety of issues. There is stress, anxiety, depression, self-harm, disordered eating, eating disorders, body image, bullying, crises of faith, peer pressures, identity, gender and sexuality, and much, much more. Whether you have had a student approach you with one of these issues (or something else entirely) or not, we as ministers and leaders must be prepared for handling the conversations that come our way.

I felt so ill-equipped the first time I counseled someone. I felt like the rudimentary training I had received did not prepare me for what I was experiencing. I didn’t know what to do, what to say, or how to help. But somehow the Spirit of God worked through me to help that person, and they began to move toward healing. However, that cannot be our M.O. for each session. We must be prepared and equipped to enter into these very important conversations. Today, I want to offer some practical tips on how to prepare for counseling students and families, and to offer guidance in how to move through some of these conversations. At the end of this post I will also share some extremely helpful resources I think everyone in student ministry should have.

One should note that these tips and resources are not all-inclusive. Nor are they the only qualities that make for an effective counselor. These are simply tips to help prepare you as you step into these counseling scenarios and to prayerfully resource you as you lead and guide the students God has placed under your care.

Before entering into any type of counseling relationship, here are a few tips on how to be better prepared for them:

Resource yourself.

This is something we should all be doing. Get to know counselors who can provide you with insight and understanding. Talk to your local health professionals about trends they are seeing in students and what they are dealing with. Purchase books on counseling, listen to podcasts, and talk to other youth workers. Gaining this wisdom and utilizing these resources will help prepare you to step into counseling situations.

Know your referral network.

There will be many times where a student or parent comes to you with an issue you cannot help with because it is outside the scope of your skill set. Never try to help someone in an area for which you are not equipped because you could actually cause more issues or offer flawed advice. This tends to go against what we feel within our hearts because we are shepherds and want to care for our people well. But the reality is that even well-intended and well-meaning people could offer advice that is good in intention but flawed in practice.

This is why knowing your referral network is huge. Become acquainted with the counselors in your community and build a relationship where you can refer students to them when necessary. Know your first responders and how to get in touch with them when needed. Meet with mental health professionals and find out how you can work together. Connect with schools and the counselors there so you can both be resources for one another. Having this type of network and community allows you to know who you can refer to and allows for there to be trust and rapport that will help when transitioning a student to a new contact.

Be a trustworthy person.

In order for students to come to us as a counselor, we must be someone they trust. This is showcased by our actions, reactions, speech, and care that we provide on a daily basis to students. Who we are must be the same both inside and outside of church. When students see our hearts on display and our authenticity it helps them to know that we are people they can trust with the issues and hurt they carry.

Be in prayer and grow your spiritual health.

To be effective counselors (and ministers) we must be in constant prayer and growing in our relationship with God. Our tank needs to be filled so we can pour into others. If our tank is running dry or isn’t filled appropriately we will not be able to care effectively for those under our guidance. So make sure to spend regular and consistent time on your own spiritual growth and make sure you are spiritually prepared to step into the role of counselor.

Here are some tips on what to say or do doing a counseling session:

Listen well.

This is huge! Students are coming to you because they see you as someone who can be trusted and someone who loves them. Nothing can fracture that relationship more than for a student to have an experience with a youth worker who doesn’t listen or doesn’t listen well. Sometimes we need to be silent and just give students space to share. It may not always be pretty. They may swear, they might cry, there may be intimate details shared, and there may be some moments you need to involve the authorities. But in listening well you are validating the student and what they are going through. You are hearing them fully and continuing to create a space and trustworthy place for them to be. A simple rule of thumb is if you find yourself doing most of the talking, stop and listen more.

Take notes.

This can be both during and after a meeting. Sometimes taking notes during a meeting may feel very clinical and disconnected, so if it suits the scenario better make your notes immediately after the session is over. Much of this can depend on how you process and hear information. If you do need to take notes during the session, make sure the student knows what you are doing and why. A simple explanation can be, “I want to make sure I hear everything you say, and this will help me to also follow up with you because I care about you.”

These notes will not only allow for you to better recall what was said, but they will help you in moving forward with the student. Take notes about their body language, how they answer, the emotions they are presenting, the language they use to describe things. All of these notes will help you better understand how to love and care for them.

Be empathetic.

Empathy is the ability to “feel with” the counseled individual and understand what they are seeing and feeling. This is something that connects you with the student and helps you to relate and interact with them. This is not you taking on what the student is experiencing or forcing tears to relate, but is a heart reaction to the pain and reality facing you. Show this through your response. Even if you do not emphasize well, your physical response will help to show this. Make sure your facial expressions show engagement and understanding. Allow for your tone to indicate how your heart is responding. Let your body language show understanding and engagement. These reactions help the student to see that you feel with them and are engaged with their world.

Follow up.

Follow-up is hugely important and necessary regardless of what was shared. Even if it was a single counseling session and all that was needed was for the student to be able to share what was on their heart. The follow-up of “I love you and I am praying for you” or “how are you doing and how is your heart” will go a long way because it shows the student they matter to you and have value. If the session warrants more in-depth follow-up, be willing to do that as well. Ask about the circumstances, ask how they are doing, if they have dealt with those thoughts or desires anymore, and how you can continue to pray for them.

Follow-up may also include continued meeting or referring them to a trained counselor. Part of counseling students means there may be more sessions to continue to process and work through what was talked about. But in some cases this may not be something you can do because of limited training in this field. If that is the case, be willing to refer out to a trusted counselor. If the situation allows for it, I would personally recommend walking physically with the student in this transition. Meaning, introduce them to the counselor in person. Vouch for the counselor and do all you can to help with a good transition to the new counselor. This will allow the student to see that you trust the counselor and will open them up to sharing more with the counselor.

Recommended resources:

The Quick-Reference Guide to Counseling Teenagers

Helping the Struggling Adolescent: A Guide to Thirty-Six Common Problems for Counselors, Pastors, and Youth Workers

Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling Youth

Christian Counseling: A Comprehensive Guide

The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling