Tag: relationships

Quick Tip: Have Fun

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There have been moments on a Wednesday night or Sunday morning for me when all I can see are the tasks, objectives, and the schedule. I can get hyper-focused on trying to get things accomplished and staying on task that I just lose sight of the bigger, more important aspects of student ministry. One of the things I can miss is “having fun.”

I can blame this on my personality (I am an I/C in the DISC) or a litany of other things, but I know the nights I miss out on the fun because it feels like things just didn’t work. When we miss out on the fun, we miss out on relational opportunities, conversations, and bridge-building moments with our students and leaders. When we have fun it makes us more approachable and relatable to our students.

It’s easy to get caught up with accomplishing all the tasks and focusing on any of a variety of circumstances that demand our attention. But should we miss having fun in our career and ministry, we will surely miss out on the beauty of what God has called us to.

So in thinking about having fun, here are few key things to remember:

  • Laugh often. Tell jokes, laugh at yourself (especially when you get spiked on in 9 Square), be willing play with your group, and smile often. The more you laugh, the more fun you’ll have.
  • Don’t take things or yourself too seriously. Yes, you are a leader and yes, you are entrusted with walking with your students and volunteers, but remember the relationships are key here. That means while you can take your job and calling seriously, you don’t need to do the same to yourself. Keep approaching students at their level, don’t be so pulled back they can’t relate, and be willing to just be a part of your community.
  • Be willing to be yourself. Students don’t want or need someone who isn’t being themselves or is trying to emulate another person. They want you, and you are unique and special. So bring your personality, your humor, and your joy to the table. When you can be you, you can truly have a blast!
  • Remember who you work with. Students are hilarious! If you didn’t know that, here’s a friendly heads up. They say and do things that are absolute hysterical, whether it was intentional or not. You never know what they will say or do and that leads to some memorable moments that will make you laugh (maybe even out loud).

Quick Tip: Know Your Leaders

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A while back I was challenged by a post a friend had written. The gist of the post was a reminder not to forget about people around you. Now let me stop there and have you consider something: do you see all your leaders? Do you include them all?

Now I know my knee-jerk reaction to those questions is “yes,” but if I’m honest with you I didn’t always, and I sometimes still miss things. Let me give you an example. Ask yourself this question: do all your leaders drink coffee? If not, should you invite them to meet up “for a cup of coffee?” If not, do you provide alternatives for them when coffee is present (i.e., at meetings, training, leader lounge, etc.)?

Again I hear you on this one. It seems like such a small thing, but truly what is at the heart of this matter is knowing your leaders. When you know them, they feel known and seen and loved. The key is not just seeing them as volunteers but getting to know who they are and doing life with them.

Start by getting to know them. Hang out with them. Grab dinner, a beer, coffee or tea. Take a group outing together. Host a leader game night. Sit with them at church. These moments help you truly know them and foster meaningful relationships.

Create a leader questionnaire. I know this may seem a little clinical, but if you have a larger volunteer team this could be a great way to find out helpful information. Ask questions like:

  • What’s your favorite candy bar?
  • If I got a gift to this restaurant, I’d be really excited:
  • My favorite cold weather drink is…
  • When some does (fill in the blank) I feel seen and loved.
  • What food allergies do you have?
  • How can we pray for you?

Make sure to regularly check in with your leaders. Whether it’s a text, meeting up once a month, grabbing a bite out, or writing them a note, letting your volunteers know you care by checking in helps them to know that they are loved and cared for through an intentional and thoughtful moment.

Another key piece of knowing your leaders is knowing their food allergies. I have a few leaders and an intern who are highly allergic to nuts. A simple way of showing we know our leaders is we don’t put out anything with nuts at training, and if we do gift bags with candy in them we get them special items that don’t have nuts. But it isn’t just people with nut allergies we should be thinking about. There are people who can’t have gluten or dairy, people with allergies to shellfish (but on what youth ministry budget), people who can’t have soy. If you find out this information, you’re going to help people who often feel dismissed or forgotten feel loved and seen.

Lastly, regularly ask them how they are doing and how you can pray for them. Sounds simple right? But this is a huge part of you knowing and caring for your leaders. When you can ask them how work has been, how their family is doing (bonus if you know the names of their family members), what they have been doing to breathe and pause, how their relationship with Jesus is, and how you can pray for them, your leaders are going to feel so appreciated and known. But don’t just ask the question, make sure to actually follow up as well. Don’t let this just be a check mark on the board, but be intentional and make sure that you engage further.

Quick Tip: Admitting When You Mess Up

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Alright, I’ll admit it. This last week I made a huge goof. Earlier in the summer we let all of our leaders know when our fall training would be and many of them were excited because we had reserved an amazing offsite venue. It is perfect and it meets all of our needs.

But here’s the problem: I gave my team of volunteers the wrong date. I actually told them it was a week later than when we had reserved the location. When I realized my mistake (which was way too late) I hastily fired off a text saying I sent the wrong date and here’s the correct one. But I did so with less than a week’s notice. This ended up frustrating many of our volunteers, it meant multiple leaders couldn’t attend because they specifically reserved the previous date on their calendars, and it caused a lot of tension and questions.

Long story short, we ended up working with the venue and we were able to keep our original training dates but not without me causing a lot of unnecessary tension and frustration. I messed up, and I know that in the big scheme of things it wasn’t that big of an issue, but I still messed up and it caused people to have frustration and tension. So I knew I had to apologize. I had made a mistake, multiple ones in fact, and I needed to own that.

And you know what happened? My leaders understood. They laughed about it. They poked fun at me in loving ways. They showed up to training. They still love our ministry and students. They are still serving.

Here’s the thing though: when it comes to mistakes, we as leaders need to live out what Jesus commands us to do and that is to seek forgiveness when we mess up. Yes, even we as leaders mess up, we aren’t immune to that. When we mess up we must take ownership and lead out of humility and a willingness to admit our wrongs. A good leader is one who will admit when they mess up and seeks to right the wrong.

Now please hear me in this: I am speaking in broad terms. We must always lead from a posture of humility and seek forgiveness when we mess up. But there are also times when we need to submit to authority over us because of our wrong and regardless of what we have done, face the consequences.

We are still broken people who are trying to lead as God has called us, but we aren’t immune from making mistakes, both small and large. Look to model Christ’s approach to leadership and you will find that when it comes to admitting wrong and seeking forgiveness, while it may not be easy, you’ll be more comfortable and willing to do so.

All that to say, the greatest two words you can ever utilize in ministry are, “I’m sorry.” Don’t be afraid or unwilling to use them.

Quick Tip: Connecting with Your Audience

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When it comes to public speaking we must recognize that while God has gifted us to connect verbally with others, there is also a craft and skill set that comes with it. Any communicator who has been active for a long period of time knows the benefits of connecting with an audience as this will help in effectively communicating God’s Word to those with whom we are engaging.

As communicators of the Gospel we have an obligation to communicate truth and to help our audience not only understand but also apply that truth to their lives. Being able to connect with our people helps our message take root and grab ahold of their hearts and help to transform their lives.

So what are some effective ways to connect with your audience?

Know who you’re communicating with.

Whether you’re speaking to your youth group, at a retreat or camp, or in a church service, the more you know about your audience the better suited you are to connect with them and connect the Gospel to their lives.

Be personal.

Sometimes speakers just come to speak. And while that may be fine in certain environments, we can look at some of the great communicators throughout history and see that being personal helps to connect with our audiences. This is especially true when communicating with younger generations and new environments as it makes you real and relatable.

Tell stories.

Stories are a great way to connect with your audience because they can help to make truths understandable and provide insight into how to apply them. When you tell stories always be courteous, intentional, and clear in how you tell and the point(s) you trying to make. (Read more on storytelling here.)

Use props.

Let me be clear here: use props intentionally. Don’t use props just to have something on stage with you or if it’s a weak connection to your point. A prop should always be something that intentionally connects to the message and will help the audience remember what you were communicating.

Be yourself.

Don’t try to be a replica of another preacher, communicator, or influencer. Be who God designed you to be and let Him work in and through you as you communicate.

Have fun.

One of the best things you can do when attempting to connect with your audience is to have fun. Smile, laugh, be engage with your material, relate to the audience, and be willing even laugh at yourself. Having fun helps you to relax and helps your audience see you as an authentic communicator who is more than just another talking head.

5 Tips for Conducting a Review

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How do you feel about reviews? You may have read the title to this post and thought, “I’ve never had a review before!” Or perhaps your thoughts were more along the lines of, “Reviews suck, and I am always blindsided by them.” Or maybe you thought, “I’ve never given a review before and it’s never been modeled for me.”

Reviews, well, they get mixed reviews (pun intended). Some people love them and others hate them. For some it fills them with dread and for others they long to finally have one. The reality is that reviews in and of themselves are neutral. It’s what we do with them that allow them to be positive or negative, both in how they are executed and in how they are received.

Today’s post is all about helping you think through how to give a productive review to your team member(s). And even if you don’t have a paid staff, you can use these insights to help you proactively walk with, encourage, shape, and disciple your volunteers and even your student leaders.

1. Reviews should never be a surprise nor should the content.

I don’t know how your reviews have gone but I’ve sat in several where something is shared that completely caught me off guard. Sometimes it was positive and sometimes it was negative. But when those moments happen it can often feel surprising, isolating, debilitating, and even make us doubt our calling and career.

Whatever you share should be things, goals, challenges, and feedback of which your teammate is already aware. Reviews aren’t an opportunity to dump some new critique or rebuke but instead an opportunity to facilitate growth, empower your people, highlight achievements, and help them develop their skills and ministry.

2. Review the year and set goals.

Another aspect of giving a review is doing exactly what it says: reviewing the past year or set time frame. When you take time to look back and review the year you can focus in on victories and celebratory moments, and you can highlight areas where growth is needed. It also allows you to think and dream about what the next year will hold, which gives you the structure for setting and implementing goals. Goals are a great way to provide focus, intentionality, and mission to the review and to help your teammate grow and excel in their position.

3. Allow the review to be relational.

I have sat in too many reviews that have felt clinical. It’s felt one sided and as if the reviewer didn’t even know me as an individual or ministry partner. That isn’t how a review should be. Yes, there are aspects of you being the supervisor and the person being reviewed an employee, but that shouldn’t remove the intentional relational component.

You should be a shepherd in your entire role and that includes when you review people. You should still seek to love and care for them, to understand and hear them, and to be for them. When you approach the review from a relational perspective you have helped both sides to flourish.

4. Communicate care and growth.

Part of giving a review is being honest: honest in what they have done well and honest in helping them to see growth areas. This isn’t always easy and it can feel kind of crappy at times, but if you truly care about your teammate you want to help them flourish and grow. So even as you identify growth areas, do it from a position of love and care. Don’t be accusatory or aggressive, instead highlight what you have seen, how you care for them, and a path to flourishing.

5. Pray for them.

This is a big piece that I’ve been incorporating into my reviews over recent years. When a review is relational and personal, seek to care for your teammate in a holistic way. Ask how they are doing, what has gone well for them over the past year in ministry and personally, ask what has been difficult, seek to understand how you can shepherd them better, and then ask how you can pray for them. Inviting them into the process and showing that you love and care about them makes this review much more relational and allows you to truly care for your people.

Quick Tip: Finding Community

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Last week we kicked off the Quick Tip series and we talked about the importance of community. But that very tip begs us to ask a follow up question: how do we find community? Or maybe we should be asking a second question of where do we find community?

Community is something that we were all created for by our communal God. The very fact that God is three in one shows us that He is not only designed for community but the epitome of community. He is the very definition of community and when He created humanity in Genesis, He created us for it as well.

With that being said, community can often be difficult for those of us in ministry. We are often surrounded by people, but ministers often feel the most unknown or unseen. Everyone knows us and considers us their friend, but it can often be difficult to find friends ourselves.

With that being said we must remember that without effective and meaningful community we cannot be effective in our calling. So how and where do we find community? Let me share six quick ways we can do this.

1. Participate in a small group at your church where you are not the leader and can just be yourself without expectations.

2. Join a cohort or coaching community.

3. Utilize Facebook groups and other social media networks to not only find online community but community that physically gathers together.

4. Build friendships with your neighbors.

5. Find local groups, organizations, and opportunities in your community.

6. Participate in a youth worker network.

What are some ways you’ve found community in your life and ministry?

Quick Tip: Building Community

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Today we are starting a new series that we will pick up intermittently throughout the year called “Quick Tips.” This series is designed to be a quick read with helpful truths and ideas to facilitate growth. While some of these tips may warrant longer posts, we wanted to offer a quick sound bite-style blog that gets helpful information into your hands quickly.

So with that said, and to save time (which is part of the point of these posts) here is this week’s Quick Tip: build community.

Community is vitally important for all of us. We were designed by God Himself to be oriented toward relationships and community. And when we lack community we will feel alone, isolated, unseen, unloved, and unappreciated.

Building community both inside and outside of the church allows you to know others and be known for more than just being the youth pastor. You’re being known as an individual and as someone who isn’t defined simply by their job or title.

Don’t let community fall by the wayside. Instead, make it a priority and watch how you continue to grow and flourish.

Making Graduation Season Special

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It’s here! The time of year when we commission our graduates, celebrate their achievements, shed some tears as they move on, and reflect on all the memories we have made together. But with these moments come multiple opportunities to invest in, encourage, and champion them as they move into the next phase of their life journey.

There are commencement ceremonies, parties galore, senior parades, and more. Depending on your context and the structure of your ministry, you may be invited to numerous gatherings and events, and that begs a question: how do you make these moments special? Depending on your context you may be invited to a graduation ceremony with multiple students but perhaps you don’t have a budget to get them all a gift. Or maybe you’re invited by a specific family to a graduation, so do you bring them a gift…but what about the other students you know who are graduating?

In order to make the most of this special season, I want to offer a few suggestions for you to consider that will allow you to bless all of your students in a meaningful and personal way. These will specifically be cost-sensitive and will focus on ideas and engagements that will have intentional impact.

Be intentionally relational.

This may sound like a no-brainer, but sometimes it can be hard to engage with people relationally. Maybe it’s a student who just never had anything nice to say. Perhaps it’s a parent who spread rumors about you or one you never met. Or maybe you’re just feeling wiped out from talking to everyone and what’s the big deal with not talking to that family, that parent, or that student?

These moments are opportunities for you to continue to show that your students matter and that you are in their corner. Yes, it may take more time and energy, and yes, you may need to humble yourself in these moments. But I can promise you that if you engage relationally during this season you will see wonderful results as your students continue to grow.

Bring a personalized card.

We have quite a few students graduate each year and it honestly would cost a lot of money if we got each of them a gift, even a small one. So our ministry does gifts for each graduate at our senior commissioning, but Elise and I write out a personal card for each of them that we decorate and make unique. Sharing some memories, writing a personal encouragement, sharing a specific prayer, or even just letting them know how you’ve seen them grow makes the letter intentional and personal instead of a standard card. When you can do something as personal as a handwritten card it shows your students how much they mean to you and how you have seen them grow during their time in your ministry.

Show up when invited.

Our church is a regional church which means we have four or more public high schools, three Christian schools, and cyber learning or homeschooled students represented in our program. Most of our area schools only give out a certain amount of graduation tickets to students, so we don’t always get to attend commencement ceremonies. But when we do, we show up and try to connect with all of our students and families who are present. The same goes for graduation parties. Sometimes we get invited and sometimes we don’t. But when we get the invitation we do our best to attend and connect with our student and their family. These are intentional moments and they communicate love and care for your students.

Don’t be rushed.

I don’t know about you but sometimes I can feel a little pressed for time. There are moments when rushing is appropriate, but in moments when you are connecting with and celebrating your graduates, you need to slow down and be present. That means don’t relegate yourself to only a short time frame. Instead keep your schedule open so you can spend the appropriate amount of time at each special moment.

Continue to be present.

Some of our students experience a fear of the unknown and a fear of leaving behind something they love. In releasing and commissioning our students, one of the things we can continue to do is be present for them. Let them know that you will still be around and that they can still reach out to you. There will be changes, like they are no longer in youth group, but let them know that your love and commitment to them will not change. Continue to follow up with them, grab coffee or visit with them, host a Bible study for graduates, connect them with your college ministry, and utilize other ways to connect during the summer months. These moments help students know that they still matter and that you, and your church, are for them.

Ways to Honor & Celebrate Your Seniors

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It’s May, and that means graduation season is coming soon! We have already started to receive graduation party invites, schools are sending out notices about commencement, and students are finishing exams and going on trips. Soon-to-be graduates are preparing for the next step in their journey as young adults.

For us this is always a bittersweet season. We see our students graduate and we are so incredibly proud of them, but it also tugs at the heartstrings as we prepare to say goodbye to them being in our ministries. This year is especially bittersweet for Elise and I as this graduating class is the class that started in our middle school program the year we started at our church.

We have watched these students grow in their faith, ask deep and meaningful questions, wrestle with practical application of what they believe, and navigate all the other complexities that come with middle school and high school. Couple that with our ever-evolving culture, figuring out a new normal post-pandemic, and the complexities of social media, and all of a sudden we realize just how much our students have walked through, overcome, and achieved.

This is an incredibly special moment for seniors and their families, so we as the church should take charge of moments like these to honor, recognize, and celebrate our people. Seniors have many people celebrating them whether it’s at graduation parties, school events, social settings, or cards in the mail. But when was the last time the church celebrated them in a meaningful way?

Many churches will bring graduates on stage and pray for them, but shouldn’t we be looking to up the ante? Can’t we do something more? This has become a passion of mine over my last decade in student ministry, and today I want to share some tips on how you can meaningfully celebrate your graduates and honor all that they have accomplished.

Create an intentional brochure.

Over the past few years we have revamped our senior brochure that we hand out to our congregation. It used to just be a picture of each graduate, what high school they graduated from, and where they were going to college. But in wanting to be intentional in how we honor our seniors, we took it a step further.

We asked them to share their favorite memories, what God has been teaching them, their intended major or focus, and how the church can pray for them. These questions helped to personalize the brochure and give our church ways to engage with students at a deeper, more personal and spiritual level.

Host a reception.

After our commissioning we have a reception with refreshments, gifts, encouragement for graduates and families, a photo booth, and a time for families to encourage and pray over their graduates. A reception doesn’t have to be over the top to be intentional. By simply providing a space and opportunity to celebrate and honor students, you are highlighting the importance of what they have accomplished as you care well for them.

We incorporate balloons, fun graduation plates and cups, refreshments, a table centerpiece, a photo booth, and a presentation. While this may sound like a lot, but many of these elements were made by our team or acquired over the years. It’s all about being creative and thoughtful and building upon each year.

Write them a letter.

In the last few years we have started writing a letter to our graduates that our student ministry team and senior pastor sign. These letters are intentionally thought out and highlight the ways our church is for our students and will continue to be for them. These letters can be from you personally, your student ministry, or even church leadership, and they are an opportunity for you to encourage your students and show them that the church is for them.

Provide a meaningful gift.

This was never something I experienced in high school, and it wasn’t until I had my first full time job in student ministry that I saw seniors receive a gift. I’ll admit, at that time we simply gave them a book, but that stirred in me a desire to be intentional with what we give our students.

A meaningful gift doesn’t have to be expensive or over the top; it does need to be thought out and purposeful though. Today, we give our students a gift bag filled with candy, glow sticks, a confetti popper, a book, a card from church staff, a letter from church leadership, and a few other small items. We want our students to know we thought about them when we put the gift together and that it is both meaningful and practical.

Share photos.

Whenever you honor your students, try to share photos of them to highlight them. These can be photos from when they were in youth group, family photos, their graduation photos, prom photos, or photos from trips and retreats. You could include throwback photos for a “trip down memory lane,” which some of your students may cringe at but all will chuckle at how much they have grown. However you choose to do this, make sure that you have all your students in the photos if at all possible.

Honor them at youth group.

Another way to honor and celebrate your seniors is to acknowledge them in front of your youth group. This could be sharing memories and stories about the students, it could be praying for them, giving them a gift, or having a cake for them to celebrate. Whatever it looks like at your youth group, make sure to celebrate and pray for them as they prepare for the next step in their faith journey.

Commission them.

Over the past five years, our family ministry team has been intentionally attempting to make our time celebrating our seniors more than just a celebration and more of a commissioning. We are sending our students out into the next part of their faith journey and as such we should commission them in the same way we commission and send out missionaries.

Take time to highlight where your students are going, what they are pursuing, and how the church can pray for them. If possible, I would encourage you to bring up family members, small group leaders, and church leaders to pray over your students. This helps to confirm to your students that you and the church will be for them as they head out.

Pray for them.

Praying for your graduates is one of the best things you can do. If you’re honoring them in front of the church, consider having your senior pastor, an elder, or multiple leaders pray over them as your church participates with them. Another way to pray for your students is asking them what their prayer requests are and sharing those requests with the church. This will allow for multiple people to pray for your students in intentional and personal ways.

5 Relationships Every Youth Worker Needs

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This week I was doing some reflecting and thinking about this question: what relationships do I have now that I wish younger Nick had, or had stepped into sooner? As I have been serving in ministry and getting to know myself better, I’ve realized that there are relationships I would have greatly benefited from if I had sought them out sooner.

Today, I want to share these relationships with you, and also to indicate that these relationships are not the only ones you need. They are simply some that I know would have benefited me sooner and hopefully will be a benefit to you as well.

1. A best friend.

I’m someone who typically has many acquaintances but only later in my adult life did I find the value of having closer friends and best friends. These are individuals that I can go to with anything and know they will hear me, challenge me, correct me, and be for me. These relationships are ones where I can grab a beer and have a casual conversation or sit down for hours to have deep and meaningful discussions. Having these relationships in your life will help you to truly be yourself and to feel loved, valued, and needed.

2. A mentor.

Having a good mentor in your life is a relationship that will hopefully ensure growth, development, and maturity. Ideally this person has more lived experience, and ministry experience, that they can utilize in your relationship. When someone is watching out for you and speaking truth into your life and ministry, it is an amazing opportunity for you to learn and flourish. These are individuals who are for you but also willing to offer correction and guidance as needed. If I had more of this when I first started out in ministry I would have had a lot less missteps and instead had more opportunities to grow and minister well.

3. A counselor.

Everyone should have a counselor regardless of how “okay” we may think we are. Having someone who is safe, trained, and licensed, who you can go to and be honest and raw with, is a necessity. It allows you to release well, process different relationships, emotions, and circumstances, and also provides you with the help you need whether you’re aware of it or not in the moment. These are the people that help you through the difficult moments, who allow you to process, and give you constructive and necessary paths to run on.

4. A peer.

This is a little different than a best friend or mentor, though they can at times be one and the same. But what I’m suggesting is finding a fellow youth worker(s) who you can share life with, talk shop with, and bounce ideas off of. This a great opportunity to share resources and insights, and it also allows for you to have someone in your life who understands what you’re walking through. It’s a friendly voice of a compatriot who is in your corner.

5. A chiropractor.

This one may make you chuckle, but please hear me out. As a young person I didn’t think I needed this relationship, but during 2020 and working at home, my back said otherwise. Getting to know our amazing chiropractor during that time was fantastic and so beneficial. But what I came to realize is that being proactive rather than reactive with your health is hugely important.

Instead of coming back from a retreat and popping a couple of Advils and pressing on, having your chiropractor truly take care of your back, neck, and hips is a necessary relationship. I see my chiropractor once a month and then at least twice a month when trips happen. These visits truly help my body to prepare and repair after busy seasons, trips, stressful work weeks, and just the everyday moments.

What relationship would you tell your younger self is a necessity?