Category: encouragement

Tips for Vacationing Well

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If you’re like me, taking a vacation can actually be hard. Not because we don’t want to vacation and take a break, but because we feel the strong pull of commitment to our jobs as ministers. We want to make sure everything and everyone we serve is doing okay and so we are willing to push our own needs and those of our families to the side.

We will answer phone calls, texts, and emails while we are on vacation. We will work on solving problems and message prep. We will do work instead of pausing and spending time with those who are closest to us. We will not actually pause but continue to go. I don’t say this to make you feel bad but instead to help us see the reality of what is going on in our lives.

And believe me, up until a little over a year ago, I was there with you. I was checking emails on vacation, responding to texts, and not being fully present while on vacation with Elise. I took my laptop and work items with us when we went away. I was on the phone with volunteers and families.

I didn’t actually pause and take time to refresh. I totally understand that pull to care for our people and to ensure the success of what we are doing. I know that comes from a good place, but even things that come from a good place can morph into problematic habits and rhythms. This isn’t meant to be a critical post or one to break you down, but instead to cause us to pause and reflect on our hearts and to think through how we can vacation well.

Set boundaries.

Boundaries are a big part of being able to vacation well. If you have unspoken expectations that aren’t met, you and your family will consistently be disappointed. What I mean is this: you can’t expect there to be boundaries if you don’t share them. You need to tell your coworkers, your leaders, and even your students that you will be away and not available. You must set up auto replies for your emails saying you’re away. You need to leave work at work which may mean turning off your phone or putting it on airplane mode and leaving your laptop at home. Setting boundaries will not only help you relax and decompress, it will also allow you to be wholly present with your family.

Be honest with your spouse and vacationing partners.

This is an aspect about vacationing that we don’t always think about and something I know I have to work on. I told Elise that I didn’t want to work on our most recent vacation and that I was going to leave my laptop at home. But I also knew I could check my work email on my phone so I asked her to help keep me accountable. Between the both of us, I stayed away from work and vacationed well. But that only happened because I was transparent with Elise about what I needed help with.

For all of us who serve in ministry, we need to be honest about the pull of ministry work even when we are on vacation. Take the time to talk through it before the trip and give people permission to speak into your life, hold you accountable, and challenge you in your growth.

Leave work stuff at work.

This can be difficult in ministry because we feel the call God has placed on our lives and the burden we have for helping those God has placed under our care. I get it, I feel that tension as well. But we must also understand that God didn’t design us to be beings who continuously work without taking a break.

In fact, God intentionally designed the Sabbath to force us to take a break because He knew that work could and would become an idol for us. If you look at the story of Elijah you will see that even in the Old Testament, leaders struggled to take a break and God had to force Elijah to rest and eat. We don’t do a good job of pausing and leaving work stuff at work. We do just the opposite and we allow it to cripple and overwhelm us.

What we need to do is leave work at work and be wholly present with those we are vacationing with. That means not taking work items on vacation. It may mean turning off your phone. And it definitely means not being on call while you’re off from work. A great way of practicing this may be to actually leave all your work items at work or at home if you’re traveling. If you’re doing a stay-cation and your work stuff is at home, it may mean having someone hold you accountable to make sure you’re not engaging with work items.

Communicate with your team and students.

One thing that will help you actually vacation is not having interruptions. That means communicating to your team, your students, and others that you will be away. That doesn’t mean they can’t contact you, but you are establishing healthy boundaries and highlighting the necessity for rest and refreshment. When you clearly communicate that you will be away and the parameters surrounding that time, you are making sure to establish the necessary boundaries that are needed for you to vacation well.

Stay off social media.

When I took my mental health leave of absence over a year ago, one of the things I did was take a break from all social media. And honestly, it was one of the best things I have ever done. So much so that I decided to stay off of social media indefinitely. I’m not going to tell you that you need to get off of social media forever, but I will say that staying off of it while on vacation is vital.

Social media, while fun and engaging, can also be depleting and force you to focus on work. You’re most likely friends with people from work, students and parents, and your leaders which will cause you to inadvertently think about work while on vacation. Social media can also distract you while you’re on vacation and keep you from fully refreshing and relaxing. Making sure to remove yourself from social media will actually give you more peace and rest while you’re on vacation.

What are some of your tips to help you vacation well?

6 Tips for Designing Your Space

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Typically there are two responses to this type of an article: I don’t have a designated space or I already have my space set up.

Those responses highlight a mentality of frustration or completion and I can fully resonate with both. When you don’t have a space that is specifically for your ministry due to multipurpose usage it can be really discouraging and frustrating. On the other hand when you have your space and it is fully set and designed how you like, your response may be to continue with the status quo, because why change what is working?

But may I suggest to you that neither of those responses are helpful nor beneficial? In fact both of those attitudes can lend themselves to complacency and an unwillingness to adapt and change. That is not a helpful place to be because it leads to tensions, frustrations, resentments, and bitterness. Instead what we should should be doing is thinking creatively and identifying ways in which our space can be most utilized to reach and impact the communities we serve. The question then is how can we design and utilize our space to that end?

1. Know your ambiance.

What is the vibe that you want your ministry to have? Is it a classroom setting? Do you want it to feel more like a party? Or is it a coffee shop environment? It may be none of these or a hybrid of a few different options. Regardless of what you choose, how you embrace the ambiance and build your space to reflect that is key. So know what you are going for and commit to it.

2. Consider your lighting options.

Our space is pretty set with lighting options because it’s a multipurpose room. This means we can’t add or change anything unless it is something the entire church agrees on or the items must be able to be removed after each event. For us, that means that either we use the lights that are in the room or we get creative. We chose to get creative and we have purchased floor lamps and market lights to change the ambiance of the room for our youth group nights. While yes, they do make set up a bit longer, the change of lighting and the effect it has on our environment has been more than worth it.

3. Think about seating.

Here’s the thing: chairs and tables aren’t always necessary. They can add to an environment but they can also detract from it. Deciding how you want people sitting may sound like it isn’t important but it can shift the the entire ambiance and purpose of your space.

When I started at our church, Sunday mornings were a little dull and lifeless. Students would come and sit in rows and there wasn’t a reason for why we had rows. So I shook it up, and we moved to round tables with chairs to foster conversations and discussion on what we were teaching. Changing seating will switch up the ambiance, the energy, and even the purpose of what you’re seeking to accomplish. So think through how you want your seating to be and make sure it matches your vision and purpose.

4. Intentionally set up your room.

We just talked about chairs and tables but it is important to think through your room setup holistically. Where do you have your TV or your projector? Where are you putting snacks? Does your room setup convey a welcoming environment? Where and how will you incorporate games and activities?

Like I said above, we utilize round tables and chairs but that really inhibits us from being able to do active and mobile games. We knew that with our current set up we would need to be creative, so we utilize PowerPoint games that are usually in an all-play style.

We should also think through how our rooms bring people in and what we are conveying. Is it welcoming? Does it feel warm and inviting? How are students engaging and interacting? These questions will help us to think critically about room setup and if it is what we need for our program.

5. Incorporate student elements.

This is something I would love to do in our main spaces, but unfortunately cannot at this time. Instead I’ve encouraged students to bring in paintings and drawings, poetry, photos, stories they wrote, sculptures, or any other artistic elements to decorate our Leader Hub. Allowing students to contribute not only highlights their gifts and skill sets, it also helps to encourage your leaders as they see their students growing and flourishing.

6. Utilize food and music.

Music and food are two amazing elements we often don’t consider but just have at our gatherings. But why do we use them and how should we use them? Food is a natural barrier breaker. Have you ever noticed how often Jesus had conversations around food? I believe it is because when you share a meal, people’s walls start to come down and it allows us to engage in community. So as you think about designing your space, think about where you’ll be incorporating food and if it is truly helping your group engage in community. If food is at the back of the room and difficult to get to, you aren’t helping your cause. But if it is readily accessible and in a place students see, it will help you succeed in your vision for your program.

Music is hugely important when it comes to designing your space. Have you ever gone to a coffee shop or a supermarket and there’s no music playing? It’s a little creepy right? We begin to wonder why there isn’t music, it feels awkward, and we pull inward. The same is true for student spaces. You could have the most beautiful space but if there’s no excitement and nothing filling the dead air, students will not want to be there. So play music but also think about what kind of music you want, and how it is rounding out the environment you are seeking to create.

How to Create a Place for Leaders

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Years ago I read a post called “Think about the tea drinkers,” which was all about remembering to care for leaders who don’t drink coffee. But the heart of the article was about caring well for your leaders. If I am being honest, this is something that has grown and evolved during my time in ministry. It started with hosting Christmas parties and giving gifts, then incorporating leader bags for trips and retreats, and finally with creating a leader hub for our volunteer team.

Even in saying “leader hub” I know it can sound unattainable for some, but believe me when I tell you that this can and should look different based upon your ministry, your community, and your budget. And that is okay! Simply put, I believe we should have a place, a hub, where our leaders can know that they are loved and cared for while also being equipped. Today, I’d love to share what that looks like and give some helpful tips for how to build this idea out.

Have a designated space.

Typically when we hear “space” we tend to envision a specific room for leaders similar to a lounge. While that may be an option for some churches, for other ministries it isn’t. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a space for leaders. Consider turning your office into a space for leaders by adding coffee and snacks and a place for them to get their needed resources. Our space used to be a filing cabinet drawer with snacks and a coffee area before we opened our leader hub.

If you don’t have an office, think about setting up a table with leader resources and leader-only snacks. You could explain what that is to students to help elevate and recognize your leaders while you set parameters. Your space doesn’t have to be large and over the top, it simply has to be a place that shows your leaders they are loved and cared for. Having a space set up just for leaders helps to value and appreciate them for all they do.

Name the space.

While naming the space may sound like something that doesn’t really matter, I believe it does. It not only validates what you’re doing, it also highlights the importance and necessity of having quality leaders. We chose to call our space the “Leader Hub” because of what it offers. It has a place to pause and rest along with snacks and various refreshments, and we also have resources for our leaders. We want to highlight that our space is more than just a place to relax. It is also a place of equipping and resourcing. Whatever you desire you space to be, name it so that it reflects that to your team.

What should you include?

For our space we include snacks, drinks, resources, programming items, announcements, and anything else our leaders may need. Some snacks that we have are granola and protein bars, microwaveable soups, instant oatmeal, snack packs of pretzels and cookies, pop tarts, and peanut butter crackers. Most of these items or comparable ones you can find at any supermarket including Aldi, where their store brand items are just as good or better than the name-brand items.

Outside of food, we include our small group questions, any announcements for our leaders, and a schedule. We also have a QR Code for our guest students on postcards that they can utilize for their small groups. Their lanyards with name tags are hanging up in the hub for them to grab as they pick up a cup of coffee or a snack. Finally, the hub features first aid items, Bibles and devotional guides for students, and books and resources for our leaders. All of these are items we’ve accumulated over time but have now placed in a centralized area where they are labeled and organized for leaders to easily grab as needed.

How to budget for a leader space.

Some ministries have a budget for things like this while others don’t. I want to speak specifically to the ministry leaders who don’t have a budget for this because it’s often in those moments when you read something like this that you feel you can’t bless your leaders in the ways others do. Let me first say this: don’t think less of yourself or that you aren’t a good leader because of that. The very nature that you’re reading this and trying to think creatively about how to do this validates how great of a leader you are. But the question still remains: how do you budget for this and care well for your leaders?

If you don’t have this built into your budget, or don’t have a budget, consider what you have at your disposal. Can you print out name tags for your leaders and make them stand out in how you theme them? Can you utilize a space where you meet and theme it or decorate for your leaders to help emphasize their value and worth?

Consider asking parents or elders and their families to donate funds or baked goods or a meal for your volunteers. This will help your leaders feel valued and seen by the church as a whole. If you’re able to purchase different items for your leaders, look to extend that budget by shopping at stores like Aldi or Grocery Outlet where your funds go further. Or you could even look to bake treats for them each each as well. Buying off-brands or even purchasing items for simple chocolate chip cookies can be easy on your budget but also show your leaders how much you love them. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box.

At the end of the day it isn’t about how big your budget is or how amazing your space is for leaders. It’s all about caring well for your leaders and showing them that you see their value and worth. Think creatively about what you can offer them and how you can create a space where you love, bless, and equip them.

Is it Wrong to Seek Advancement?

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When was the last time you thought about advancement in your position? Do you have any idea what that might look like? Does your church have a policy or program in place to help you advance and grow in your position?

How did those questions make you feel? I think that when many people enter into ministry they don’t often think about advancement. Sure, there might be the thought that advancement is “becoming the senior pastor,” but I would assert this is a false sense of advancement because not everyone is called to be a senior pastor.

Many people are called to be pastors but in a variety of roles because that is how God designed and gifted them. But if that is true, shouldn’t there be an opportunity to grow and advance in those positions? The answer is and should be “yes,” whether or not that is seen and understood by your superiors.

Before we even get to what your supervisors may think and desire for you, we must begin by looking internally to ascertain if this is the appropriate and needed advancement for ourselves. In order to help determine if you are correctly looking for advancement, it is helpful to ask the following questions.

Ask: Why?

There are a lot of “why” questions we could pose here. Why do I want this? Why am I not advancing? Why is advancement a good thing? Why should I want to advance? Asking “why” is all about authenticity. Are you being honest with yourself and with your employers? Was it your intent when you got hired to move forward? What does that even mean for you…what about for your church?

When we are thinking about advancement, the “why” question should force us to look inward. There are great reasons to move toward advancement, but there can also be selfish reasons that guide our desires. So by asking why, you are forcing yourself to think critically about your reasoning and desires.

Ask: What is my goal?

Often when we think about advancement we are thinking about position, title, and financial status. While none of these are inherently wrong, we should be aware of our true heart motivation for desiring advancement. I’ve worked in ministry circles long enough to watch people treat various ministries like stepping stones to get to the desired position of senior pastor. We can debate for days on why this is, the way churches are structured, how ministry schools train you to think, and the way churches elevate that position over others, but that would be missing the point.

The point is sometimes we value aspects of advancement that shouldn’t be our focus or desire. In ministry, we are called to shepherd and disciple those whom God has entrusted to our care, and to simply look for advancement without consideration of our true calling wouldn’t be honoring of that calling. I am not saying you shouldn’t think about yourself, your family, or your financial status, but we should be discerning our true goal. As we do this, it helps us think critically about how we minister and care for our people and it should also shape the authenticity we show to our church.

Ask: Whose desire is this?

Is it God’s desire or your own? You may have a desire or reason to seek advancement that is completely appropriate. You may need to advance to better support your family or pay off your debt. Those are valid and important reasons. However, there are times our desires aren’t centered properly, and that means we need to wisely discern whose desire we are following.

A metric we need to remember is that while our desires may not be wrong or improper, they aren’t ultimate. If you’re just getting an education to “move up” in your career, you aren’t necessarily listening to what God is saying, nor are you paying attention to the people you have been called to shepherd. Often our desires and God’s can go hand-in-hand, but there will be times that they don’t. A great way to help you discern this would be to bring an honest, trusted friend and mentor into the conversation to help you see whose desire you are following. Allow them to speak truth and help guide you in this process.

Ask: What does advancement mean for me?

Acknowledging what advancement looks like for you is important because it allows you to assess where you want to be and how you’re going to get there. It also gives you a starting point for conversations with your church and ministry. They may see advancement in terms of helping you grow in knowledge and education, but you may define it by title, position, or pay scale. Being able to define what advancement looks like gives you the ability to clearly and concisely communicate it. When you communicate what you see advancement as, it allows you to compare your perspective to that of your church and to see if they are in alignment.

At the end of the day, advancement isn’t wrong, but it is important to discern why we are seeking it, and how we are going about obtaining it. Growing and advancing in a career field is important, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of people. That goes for congregants and for you and your family. You should never see a ministry or church as a stepping stone or a means to an end, and likewise you shouldn’t just stay in a position if it is causing hurt and pain to you and your family. Discernment and wisdom from God and trusted mentors should always be a metric you seek out in this part of your career, and you should always be checking your heart.

My advice: always be a learner, always seek to grow, be honest about your desires and where your heart is, and always remember the calling God has given to you. Advancement isn’t wrong, but how we go about obtaining it is key.

You Are Not Alone: What to Do When You Feel Like It

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Ministry can be a really lonely place sometimes; especially when you’re going through hardships, difficulties, loss, and trials. This loneliness can look different for each of us. You could be the only youth pastor in a small town. You may be on a team but no one really knows you. You may be critiqued and ridiculed by leadership. You might have been told you won’t amount to much or you’ve hit your glass ceiling. Or perhaps you believe you aren’t good enough or have failed.

There are so many reasons that ministry can feel very lonely. And those reasons are only compounded further when there are difficult moments and trials. When you feel alone and then have to walk through your own trial or help someone through theirs, it’s depleting and alienating because it compounds the feeling of isolation.

Have you been there? Are you there now? Whether you have been there or you are there, this post is for you. It’s also for those of you who haven’t been there yet, because you can serve as a place of refuge and a loving support to those who are. The points below aren’t all-encompassing; they are designed to provide hope, encouragement, and community.

Remember that you are seen, valued, and loved.

It would be easy to default to saying, “God knows what you’re going through and loves you.” And while yes, it is true, for those experiencing periods of isolation and loneliness, it just rings a little hollow. You know it to be true, but there is a part of us that also wants the broader community to say it to us as well. We are relational beings and as such we want people to love and value us as well.

When we are in the throes of isolation we often obtain blinders that convince us no one cares or loves us, and that is a lie from the depths of hell. People don’t always say it, but they do see and love you. It isn’t always easy when it isn’t said or seen, but don’t believe the lie that no one cares. In fact, as you’re reading this, know that we love and care about you! We are in your corner and for you!

Build networks.

There are so many great ways to build a network. Depending on your context this can be through local youth ministry networks. Many towns that have multiple youth ministries actually have regular gatherings of youth workers for encouragement and fellowship. If you’re unsure if one exists, contact another youth worker to see if they know of one. Should there not be one, perhaps you could be the catalyst to the beginning of a network in your area.

Another option could be a denominational network. Many denominations have semi-regular gatherings and different ministries within the denomination also have regular meet-ups. Check and see what your denomination offers and consider jumping into those networks.

There are other opportunities like cohorts, conferences, and mentorships that will help you grow and develop as well as provide meaningful opportunities for fellowship and community. Other networks could include social media groups, but be cautious as many can be contentious and filled with heated debates as well as not necessarily afford you a true and authentic network.

Find community.

Networks and community can go hand-in-hand, but sometimes certain networks may not provide the community you need for a variety of reasons. So how do you find needed community no matter what setting you are in?

First, I would encourage you to find people with whom you can be authentic. Identify friends who you don’t have to present a certain way to, people you don’t need to be a pastor for. That way you can come and be wholly you with complete authenticity. Second, you may need to look outside your physical community. Sometimes, especially in smaller communities, you may feel like you cannot be fully authentic because everyone is connected to your church in some way. In those cases, you will need to look regionally or even broader. In those cases, you may find community through networks like cohorts, conferences, or online communities.

If you’re looking for a cohort that offers training and equipping as well as community and relationships, let me encourage you to check out Slingshot and connect with our friend Brian Aaby. Brian led a cohort that I was able to be a part of and that cohort changed my life. Aside from excellent coaching, training, and equipping, I have made lifelong friendships with some of the most amazing people.

Another awesome resource for community is being developed and launched by our friend Tim Eldred called The Authentic Pastor. This amazing resource provides a podcast, coaching, online community, and more. This is something Elise and I believe in so much that we have provided a review and are honored to contribute to.

I also want to remind you that Elise and I are here for you as well. This isn’t just a blog, it is a place to come and find community and refreshment. Our goal at Kalos is to build up a beautiful community that empowers and strengthens each member in their ministry, gifting, and calling. Simply put: we’ve got your back and are in your corner! You have a community here that is for you. You can always reach out to through our contact page and we are happy to encourage and walk with you.

Take a step of faith.

This is a broad statement that many could interpret different ways, so allow me to unpack it. First, maybe the step of faith is searching for community. Sometimes we default to the expectation that community should come to us. But community is a two way street. There are times we must step out and find that community for ourselves. It isn’t easy, especially when you serve in ministry because people tend to come to you. Now you may have to go find others for that community.

The second way I would interpret this statement is through the lens of asking, “Is this God’s way of helping me find what’s next in my ministry journey?” Sometimes we need more than a gentle nudging from God to see where He is calling us next. And often times, God allows us to walk through hardship to see the good and the hope He has prepared for us. Don’t read into that statement that you walk alone, because God often times is carrying you through those moments. So ask yourself, is God moving me to see where He is directing me?

Ask why you feel this way.

One of the best things you can do in these moments is self-assess. Sometimes it is helpful to step back and look at what is happening with a fresh set of eyes and an objective motivation. Doing this allows us to see what is really going on and hopefully begin to identify not only why this is happening but to also look toward a solution.

Sometimes we may be lonely due to our own busyness. Other times we may be lonely because we are the outsider in a tight-knit community. We may be lonely because the church is showing us the door. You may also be lonely if your age demographic isn’t represented. Looking at what is happening and asking why you feel this way, allows you to begin to address what is happening and move toward a healthy solution. It doesn’t mean you will like what you find or be excited (at first) about the solution. But it will help you grow and heal as you identify and move toward that goal.

Meet with a counselor.

Having a counselor is a blessing! In a position where we are often serving as a counselor to so many, having someone you can go to and be fully honest with is an amazing gift. When you are feeling alone and isolated, a counselor is a safe person with whom you can share and be honest about how you are feeling. Not only are they a safe person, they will also help you identify why you feel this way and help you move toward a healthy and beneficial solution.

Now I know not everyone has the luxury of finding a licensed, Christian-based counselor in their community for a variety of reasons. But there are other options as telahealth has truly grown by leaps and bounds. And one of the ways it has grown is through online counseling. There’s a Christian community of biblically sound Christian counselors at Faithful Counseling and it’s a wonderful place to get connected. Now you may be thinking, “What if the person I get paired with doesn’t understand me?” Great question! You can switch at any time without any additional cost. This is a win-win opportunity as you are connected with someone who loves and cares for you and will guide you toward healthy solutions.

As you’re finishing reading this post I want you to know three things: you are loved, you are not alone, and we are here for you! Know that you matter and you are here for a purpose. We are for you. We love you!

What to do When Ministry Hurts

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This weekend is Mother’s Day, and can I be honest? I really don’t like this weekend or Father’s Day either. Not because I don’t like my parents, I love them to death. But because this is a hard time for Elise and I as we walk through the infertility journey.

Celebrating with others is hard. Watching all the moms get flowers, cards, and brunch dates is difficult as we sit in our pew waiting and hoping. It’s hard when people ask me questions like, “Don’t you want kids?” Or, “How are you able to lead our kids when you don’t have your own?” In so many ways we can feel unseen and alone.

These questions aren’t unique to Elise and I. Many of us who serve in ministry have been hurt by insensitive or calloused remarks. Things like, “When will you grow up and be a real pastor?” “Youth ministry is just childcare for teenagers.” “Oh you went on a retreat…guess you used up your vacation time.” “Do you really think you’re called to be in ministry?” Or, “You’re a woman, you can’t be a pastor.”

Words matter, and the words we share have great power and impact. I’m not saying anything that those of us in ministry don’t already know. We know the power of words, how they can build up and make you feel on top of the world, and how they can rip your heart out and make you feel like nothing. Ministry hurts sometimes. I don’t think it’s always intentional, but it can often feel like it is crushing your soul. But should we just give up? Should we just roll over? Do we just take it on the chin? What do we do when ministry is hard?

Lean into your networks.

One of the best things I’ve done in ministry is get connected with people who are in similar life circumstances and ministry careers. Being able to talk to people who understand the complexities of ministry and working within a church is huge, especially when they are third parties. They are there to walk with you, love you, and challenge you. These are the people who are in your corner and will have your back.

Find solace in the communities you trust.

In the networks and communities you have, you will most likely find people who you can relate to and connect with in deeper ways. When I joined my cohort in 2021, I never considered how deep and meaningful those relationships would become. But even within that cohort, I connected at a deeper level with two others and as we grew in our friendships we were shocked at how similar our stories were. Because of that unique bond we were able to love, support, and challenge one another on a deeper level. Within your communities you will find people with whom you connect on a deeper level and those who can be an even stronger, supportive community.

Model a caring community to others.

Sometimes dealing with hurt, especially when it’s coming from within a church or ministry, means you need to be able to explain and model what a caring community looks like. Here is what I mean by saying this: sometimes people, and even church communities, don’t know or understand that what they are saying, doing, or implying is actually causing hurt. Whether it’s out of ignorance or lack of understanding, people can do and say things that hurt. Because of this, we may need to model and educate what a truly caring community looks like. In doing this, it isn’t about trying to be smarter or better but instead about helping your communities grow and become more like Jesus in how they love and care for one another. This isn’t easy, but it is something that could truly help generate change and growth.

Be honest with yourself.

There are times I just want to dismiss hurtful things that are said or done. I just want to push it down and pretend like it doesn’t hurt. But the more we dismiss our emotions or push them down to a place we think they won’t return from, the more we are hurting ourselves. It is okay to be honest, to say how you feel or how things have effected you. It’s not wrong to emote and display what you’re feeling. It’s not okay to bury those feelings or to lash out which will happen when you keep trying to push those emotions down.

So be honest with yourself and those closest to you. Let your feelings, emotions, and thoughts be known. If you’re hurting it’s okay to let that hurt be known to yourself and those closest to you. I will say this: it is okay to be honest with those who have said or done things to you (whether unintentionally or intentionally), but be mindful of how you do it and what you say. Words and approach matter deeply, especially when you’re in a leadership position. It doesn’t mean not sharing how you’re feeling, it means doing it in a way that helps them to understand and prayerfully evoke change.

Talk to a counselor.

One of the best things I have done since moving to Pennsylvania is start to see a counselor. It’s honestly helped me in so many ways. It allowed me to address past trauma, to understand the hurt I’ve experienced from churches, how to share my emotions and feelings with Elise, and how to handle different moments that arise each day that often seem out of my control (because they are). I know that in some ways there is still a stigma attached to seeing a counselor, but this will be something that truly will help you process and work through the hurt in your life. It isn’t a one-and-done type scenario. It may take months or years, but ultimately it will help you understand and heal from the hurt that you’ve experienced.

Be honest with your spouse and protect your family.

Sometimes we try to mask our pain from our spouse and family because we think are protecting them. Other times we mask the hurt to keep them from experiencing that same hurt and becoming embittered toward the church. However, that response is not only unhealthy and self-destructive, it will also harm the relationships you have with your family. They aren’t immune to the hurt you’re experiencing, and even when we think we hide it well, we really don’t. Being able to share where you’re at with your spouse and in appropriate measures with the rest of your family allows you to have a safe place, a place of respite.

Listen to honest critique and trusted people.

I’m not always the best at receiving critiques and criticism. It usually sits with me for a long time and I tend to over process what was shared and allow it to affect me in ways it shouldn’t. But I’ve learned that when I have trusted people in my life who I know are for me, I can hear their insight and critique better. When it comes to working in ministry we will often hear criticism, both helpful and not. But when we hear it, we should measure it and see if it is helpful and true. And sometimes figuring this out means going to those you trust and asking for insight even if it isn’t the insight you want. When you have trusted people you can go to, it helps you to self-reflect and self-assess to find ways that you may need to grow and mature. Bringing in trusted people gives you a safe place to process and grow.

7 Keys to a Successful Fundraiser

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We just wrapped up our fundraiser for this year and it was one of the best ones yet! Not because of the money we raised–we won’t even total that up until later this week–but because of what the fundraiser accomplished and did for our students and our church.

It’s moments like these where I swell with pride as I watch my students serve, give, and live missionally. They were given a challenge and they rose to meet it! Don’t get me wrong, I was exhausted after the fundraiser and I napped hard when I got home, but this fundraiser was a true success for us.

I often ponder why the metrics we use to weigh the success of a fundraiser typically center on finances or on how many people show up. For our group, success isn’t focused on the money raised or the numbers but on how our students are able to serve and love others, and by how the fundraiser helps our church live out our mission. Looking at what occurred at our fundraiser, that’s why I believe we succeeded and will see huge benefits because of what happened.

Today, I want to highlight seven keys to a successful fundraiser and why these are important not just to your ministry but to your church overall.

1. Over-communicate.

This is something we need to do for our leaders, students, families, and our church community. Over-communicate what you’re doing, when you’re training, what roles students will have. The clearer and more concise the directions the better but remember that over-communication isn’t about inundating people’s inboxes with information. It’s about finding a balance: clearly sharing the information that’s needed and in the right methods.

Send emails or letters no more than once a week. Communicate all necessary information at training sessions and give handouts. Make sure you have leader meetings to be clear on what they need to know. When it comes to sharing with the church, think about the different ways you have to share information: mailers, emails, newsletters, bulletins, slides, announcements on stage, yard signs, knocking on doors, or whatever other ways there are to dispurse information. The ability to leverage multiple opportunities will help ensure that your message is heard and received.

2. Set clear expectations.

Working with students has taught me a lot but something I learned very quickly is the importance of clear expectations and rules. I was running a game one time and I thought I had all the rules figured out, when halfway through one of the junior guys let me and the whole group know I was wrong because he googled the answer. Well I very quickly instituted a no phones rule for our games to make sure that didn’t happen again. What I learned is that expectations are highly important and even when we think students aren’t listening, they actually are. Setting clear expectations and guidelines will help not only your fundraiser succeed but your students as well. You are setting them up for success and giving them the parameters in order to do so.

3. Focus on creating community and fostering relationships.

One of the things I love to do with student fundraisers is find ways for them to engage in inter-generational moments with the larger church body. Whether it’s having them serve together, finding ways to engage in conversations, or having older generations pray over students, these are opportunities that will help relationships and community flourish in your church. The more intentional we are at helping to develop relationships and community, the more we will see buy-in to the mission and vision of the church as well as student ministry. When people are able to grow together as a community it fosters unity and a desire to see the Gospel go forth.

4. Tell stories.

This is something I love to do. Most people know that I love to tell stories and incorporate them into teaching opportunities. I think there is an inherent beauty and strength to sharing stories because they bring people in, showcase the needs of others, and highlight the work of God in people’s lives. I think that’s partly why Jesus used stories throughout His ministry.

When we tell stories of lives that have been changed (think about your students’ lives and the lives of those you served) it allows you to show people the power of the Gospel and the necessity of student mission trips. Telling stories also provides a creative way to ask for support. Rather than simply asking people to give, you are painting a picture about why they should give because you’re showing what their giving has accomplished.

5. Utilize training sessions.

Before any fundraiser it is imperative that you take your team through training. These trainings aren’t meant to just be informational, but should also focus on team building and unity. When you can approach training with a desire to see your students succeed and to help them grow in their relationship with Jesus, it helps to shift the focus of the time. Sessions aren’t simply focused on telling students what to do or not to do. Instead, they’re focused on helping your students to mature in their relationship with Jesus as they care about and serve others.

6. Foster discipleship opportunities.

I love watching leaders pour into the lives of students, especially when the relationships are inter-generational. But even more encouraging has been watching our church community love, support, and intentionally invest in the lives of students. I’ve witnessed older adults engage with our students and build ongoing relationships where they continue to pour into their lives and support them even beyond high school. These are moments that are pivotal for students and will help them grow in their relationship with Jesus. Thinking about how you can foster these relationships will help to strengthen your group as a whole.

7. Incorporate prayer.

One of the things we highlight in our fundraising efforts is that the fundraiser isn’t just about financial support. Prayer support is vital to our mission succeeding and because of that we must be intentional in garnering the prayer support necessary for our trips. You can incorporate prayer in other ways as well. Ask students to pray at meetings and training sessions, hand out prayer cards at fundraisers, have leaders or staff or elders pray over your students at fundraisers, or even have your students pray for the church. These moments will help your students not only grow in their faith journey but will also help them to see the power and necessity of prayer in each of our lives.

How to Create Intentional Small Groups

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Small groups are a huge part of our weekly gatherings. During our Wednesday night programming, we try to have our students in small groups for 45-60 minutes at minimum. Our rationale in pursuing this goal comes from our vision which is all about discipleship. Everything we do within our program is focused on growing disciples who make disciples, and we want to reflect that even within our small groups.

In talking with other youth workers, I am acutely aware that having small groups, let alone small groups that last for an hour or more, can be difficult. Not because we disagree on the premise or importance of small groups, but because you may be lacking the necessary leaders, space, or even the structure.

First, let me encourage you that this doesn’t happen overnight. This has been something I have been working toward since I started at our church over five years ago. If you’re desiring small groups but they haven’t taken off or you’re struggling to keep them going, take heart! It isn’t a flip of the switch type of change, but truly a culture shift, and that takes time. Keep pressing on, keep seeking to shift the culture, seek to embrace discipleship, and trust that God will work in and through that vision.

Today, I want to offer some ways to help your small group times, no matter how long, be more intentional in order to better minister to your students and to help your small groups flourish.

1. Train your leaders.

The key to any successful small group is having leaders who are trained and equipped to lead well. There will always be certain leaders who know what they’re doing, but there will also be those who haven’t served in this way before but have a heart and passion to do so. Helping your leaders grow and develop in this area will allow them to be intentional and thoughtful in how they lead and disciple their students. The better trained your leaders are, the better equipped and prepared they will be to lead and guide the students in their groups.

2. Continue to talk about the why.

This is important to do with both leaders and students. Essentially you are casting the vision for why you have small groups, but you should also share the benefits and rewards that come from them. You should share about how small groups create lasting relationships and friendships, how they allow for growth and maturity, the safe space they offer for honest conversations, and the opportunity for authenticity. The more you cast the vision and talk about why you are utilizing small groups, the more it will become a part of the DNA of your ministry.

3. Engage with feedback and critique.

Sometimes it is difficult to hear criticism or feedback on something you have put time, effort, and passion into. But if we are honest, feedback and critiques help us to grow and mature, and make necessary changes. Throughout my time in ministry, I have continued to evolve how I train and lead my small group leaders. And if I’m honest, it isn’t because I observed or found things to change. It was through thoughtful and helpful feedback and insight from my leaders and my students.

I’ve changed what I provide to my leaders with ahead of time. I’ve adapted the questions I give to my small group leaders. I’ve adapted the length of time I give to groups. All of this has come about by listening and engaging with feedback that was shared. Now I will say this: some feedback may not be helpful and even if it is, you don’t always need to change things. Sometimes engaging with feedback means listening, responding, and thinking about what was shared, but not necessarily making changes. That’s okay, but I would encourage you to give thoughtful responses to whomever is sharing feedback and to let them know your perspective and rationale.

4. Provide the necessary resources.

Small groups can be difficult and challenging. Students can be unruly and unfocused. There are difficult questions and challenging circumstances. And then leaders have to guide discussion and application. Considering all of these things, providing resources is not only important but necessary. Depending on your ministry context these resources could look different but a few things that will help leaders across the board include small group questions, filled in note sheets, a synopsis of the lesson and desired discussions for small groups, and additional study materials or resources. This may require more work on the front end for ministry leaders, but you will see the rewards that will materialize through your small groups.

5. Encourage relational discipleship.

This is a big piece of successful small groups. Leaders who aren’t simply trying to fill students with knowledge and theology, but instead are willing to walk with and love students is the key to having students grow and mature. When leaders enjoy spending time and walking spiritually with their students, you will see a great impact in the lives of young people. So encourage your leaders to invest more than just coming to small group. Challenge them to go to games and music events their students are in. Encourage them to engage in discipleship at coffee shops or by grabbing ice cream with a student or two. While these may seem like small things, these moments will truly impact your students and help them to see that walking with Jesus isn’t just something for church but a lifestyle.

6. Provide the right space.

I’m not saying that every space needs to be beautiful and cozy and coffee shop-like. But if you can find a space that has chairs and maybe a table, adequate sound barriers so students aren’t distracted, and a space the group can call their own, the more students will likely feel able to let their guard down and be transparent with one another. It is about having the right atmosphere and space for students to engage in authentic conversations and share life with one another. Even if you don’t have the best of locations, keeping students in the same space each week so there is consistency is huge. You can even randomly bless the group with a snack or surprise to encourage them and help to create the sense of community and warmth that the space needs for the group to flourish.

5 Tips to Help You Decompress Well

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Have you ever come home from work and felt like you’re still carrying the weight of everything from the day? Has what happened at youth group affected your entire day and kept you from sleeping? Have you struggled to not let work occupy your mind during your days off? Has work ever kept you from engaging or fully engaging with family?

Let’s be honest with each other: ministry is more than a job and due to various reasons we tend to give it more space in our lives than we should. I don’t believe the reasons we may do so are inherently wrong, but we have allowed them to take precedence. When this happens it actually interferes with our relationships, our decompression and time away from work, and it may also affect our relationship with Jesus and the church.

Ministry is an important calling but it is never meant to keep us from our relationships with God or our family, nor is it meant to keep us constantly working and never pausing to catch our breath and refresh. That means we must create boundaries and space to decompress and center ourselves so we can continue to do the work to which we have been called. Today, I want to share some ways that help me to decompress in an effort to help you create space and opportunities to do the same. These are not a one-size-fits-all approach, but perhaps these observations may be helpful and give you an opportunity to create your own boundaries and ways to decompress.

1. Turn your phone on “do not disturb.”

This is something I’ve been doing for the past year or so and let me tell you, it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made! Well that and deleting social media. Not having the constant tension or phantom leg vibrations from your phone going off and wondering what is happening is such a relief. Aside from the release of your phone continually going off, this also allows you to be wholly present in whatever circumstance you find yourself. You can focus on relationships over the electronics in your pocket, and you can let go of the tension that being “always on” cultivates in your heart and mind.

2. Leave your work stuff out of sight.

I find that if my work stuff (think laptop, sermon materials, etc.) is close at hand or always in my line of sight, I tend to be more willing to engage with it and do work even when I’m off. It seems that if something is visible, it then enters into our mind and never allows us to switch off. Instead, putting work stuff in a specific spot like an office or spare room or even leaving work stuff at work will be a huge help. I keep all of my stuff in my backpack and only take it out if, and only if, it is a necessity. Sometimes I even leave my laptop at work intentionally so as not to be distracted from the relationships at home and from decompression time.

3. Find someone to talk to other than your spouse.

Let me say this clearly before assumptions are made: you should always communicate and share what is going on at work and in your heart and mind with your spouse. You shouldn’t keep things from them. What I am advocating for is having someone you can go to who is a trusted third party. Ideally, this person isn’t connected to your church and is someone who you can speak with honestly. This should be someone who will also speak honestly with you and give you helpful feedback and critiques when needed.

4. Change your setting.

No, don’t quit, unless that would be the best thing for you and your family. But think about taking a break or vacation. It doesn’t have to be long or far away, but changing your surroundings and getting away for a little while is healthy. In order to do that well though, you must not take along work and things to do for work. Instead you need to allow for your mind, body, and soul to rest and breathe. This may mean you need to do an unplugged retreat or you may need to find how many days it takes you to stop focusing on work so you can truly take time to rest after that period has elapsed. It may mean you just need to get out in nature and go for a hike on your own, with your spouse, or with close friends. It may also be simply not going into the office and spending the day at home in your space with loved ones without the distractions of work.

5. Be willing to say “no.”

No is not a four letter word. In fact it is a word we should utilize in our vocabulary more often. If you’re like me, saying no is not easy. Sometimes when I say no I feel like I’m letting people down or I’m not doing enough. But that isn’t the case. Saying no allows you to create healthy rhythms and establish a balance that is necessary for anyone, but especially those in ministry. Saying no to additional hours to spend time with family is a good thing. Saying no because you’re at capacity is a good thing. Saying no to some things is not saying no to everything. It is about being intentional in what you say yes to, which means having to say no to other areas. It is about identifying priorities and what is most important and putting those things in the appropriate order.

The Importance of Training Leaders

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March Madness is in full swing and we love it in our house. (Let’s go Hawkeyes!!) As we have been watching it there are segments about the teams, players, and coaches that highlight how they made it into the tournament. In almost every single segment there is a focus on the training and community that the players and coaches have, and it highlights how necessary those components are to a championship level team.

The same can be said of our leaders: without the proper training and community we will not have the higher caliber teams we desire to help disciple our students. We must intentionally focus on generating training for our leaders in order to help them grow and mature in their skill sets and talents so they have the best opportunity to lead and pour into their students. But the question we need to think through is this: what is drawing our leaders to participate in training?

Today, I want to highlight some key reasons why leader training is important and necessary. These are aspects you can communicate out to your leaders in order to generate excitement and anticipation for the training you will be hosting. If you’re looking for ways to make leader training more than “typical training,” check out this post for some helpful resources.

It values our leaders and what they are doing.

When we host training opportunities it communicates that we see our leaders and value them enough to care about their growth and development. Training tells our leaders we desire for their gifts and strengths to be developed and we want to encourage them to be stretched and grown. Training shows them that they aren’t simply a warm body but a needed and integral part of the ministry and you want to help to develop them as they serve the ministry.

It encourages of growth.

Good leaders replicate leaders. When you are growing and developing it will be replicated to your people because you have seen its worth and value and want to share that with your team. This mentality will help your leaders to not only be excited about training but to also see opportunities for personal growth and development.

It allows us to share the “why” and the “value.”

Training allows you as the ministry leader to highlight why you are doing what you are doing, and the importance and value to what you are doing. There will be moments or seasons in every leader’s life where they ask, “Why am I still doing this?” It may be because of a tough interaction with a student, or a difficult season with a small group, or not seeing change in the lives of their students. Discouragement can happen to anyone. Instead of resting in it we need to help our leaders remember why we are doing what we are doing and the value of pouring into young people. Reminding them of these aspects will help to encourage, strengthen, and challenge your leaders to persevere and continue to pour into their students.

It builds community and unity.

Typically, teams are made of very different and unique people which is probably true of your volunteer leaders. I know I have people with different personalities, ages, backgrounds, influences, and skill sets and when you ask them to lead together it may seem like a tall task. But when you host trainings it allows you to help your team build community and unity by bringing them together, highlighting different gifts and skill sets, and allowing them to have fun together.

One of the things I love to do at our trainings is have food, partly because I like to eat but also because food fosters conversation and community. There’s a reason people tend to be more chatty around a table or at a restaurant. It’s because food helps us to lower our walls. So having food is a great opportunity to encourage community. You can also add in a mixer or some type of activity to get your group engaging with one another, and you can incorporate trainings that highlight unity and working together through differences. These types of atmospheres will help your team grow closer together as you unite to reach your students with the Gospel.

It allows us to answer questions our leaders have.

Our leaders are always being peppered with questions from students or they have questions for us about topics students raise. I try to be as helpful as I can during our programming, but often that doesn’t present the adequate amount of time needed to address questions. I have also noticed that if one leader has a question, whether their own or one raised by their small group, other leaders tend to have the same or similar questions as well.

Trainings allow us to go in-depth on questions our leaders are being asked. It also gives you another opportunity to help foster community and unity as leaders realize they aren’t alone in dealing with these questions and topics. These opportunities allow us to provide insight, guidance, and resources to our people to help them work with and love their students well.

I would also encourage you to utilize different voices when answering these questions. You may have veteran youth leaders who have already dealt with these topics and inviting them to share will do amazing things for your other volunteers. Also, consider bringing in outside personnel if applicable to help handle some of the questions and topics that are outside of your skill set or expertise.

It provides an opportunity to focus on your mission and vision.

When we take our leaders through training opportunities, it allows you to continue to drip your mission and vision into all that you do. You can help your leaders focus and remember what the ministry is striving to do. So as you walk through your training objectives, remember to bring it back to how these trainings help to embrace and advance your missional philosophy.

It allows your team to have fun together.

I love getting our leadership teams together because it provides an opportunity to hang out and enjoy life with one another. We are blessed to have leaders who enjoy spending time together and these trainings allow extended opportunities for them to fellowship and have fun. This happens over meals, through team building activities and icebreakers, and by creating intentional moments of community at each of our training events. These moments help your team to truly gel and have a good time with one another while still being on mission together for the advancement of the Gospel.