Tag: recommendations

Quick Tip: Don’t Assume

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There’s an old adage that says “when you assume, you make an @$$ out of you and me.” To be honest, I said that phrase for a long time because growing up as a young kid in a Christian house it made me giggle. But as I have gotten older, I have come to realize just how true that statement is!

In fact, I would wager that many of you are like me and we have been guilty of doing this in some way, shape, or form in our ministries and churches. We may assume we know a student and what they’re about to say; or we assume emotions, perspectives, and motives of others; or we assume why our leaders, parents, or volunteer did or valued something we disagree with.

Maybe it is just me who’s been guilty of that, but hopefully not. All that to say: learn from my missteps and don’t assume. I think when we assume we don’t just assume motivation or reason, we assume heart posture and that is a scary place to stand. When we start to assume the posture of someone’s heart, we are essentially saying that we deserve the roll of the Holy Spirit and we can determine all things about people.

Assumptions, especially incorrect ones, can lead to tension, stress, animosity, loss of relationships, misguided responses, and much more. Nothing good comes from assumptions about others, especially when the enemy wants to use our misguided assumptions and our own desires to drive wedges and fracture relationships.

So seek to know people and not assume about them. Love well and reflect Jesus rather than jumping to assumptions, which can actually cause us to disrespect others and the very image of God that we are created in.

Happy 2025: Celebrating 6 Years of Kalos

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As we ring in the New Year, we are also celebrating our sixth year of writing and posting on this site! We have loved getting to share out of our personal experiences and life lessons over the years we’ve served in student ministry. The highs and the lows, the wins and losses, and the encouragements and painful moments have all contributed to what we have shared here.

While we look ahead to a new year, we also want to look back at some of our favorite pieces. We’ve published over 300 blog posts these past six years, and here are some of our top picks!

Nick: 10 Little or No-Prep Youth Group Games

Not gonna lie, this one took me back to when we first started Kalos. It’s one of my first posts and honestly is one that I am super proud of because it relates to everyone serving in student ministry. We have all experienced that “oh no” moment when we realize we don’t have a game ready for youth group and our supplies and time are in short supply. These games are ones I keep in my back pocket for just such an occasion and I hope that they are helpful to others serving in student ministry.

Elise: Get Off the Fence: Why Students Need You Now

This was one of my first posts for the blog, but it also is timeless because students will always need committed, dedicated leaders in their lives. It contains a message that endures over time, and I hope encourages those who doubt their ability to serve the next generation.

Also, a good follow-up to this post is one I wrote in 2020: Questions to Ask Yourself Before Volunteering in Student Ministry.

Nick: Quick Tip: Don’t Forget Your Family

This is actually one of my most recent posts, but it’s one that is near and dear to me because I think it’s a reminder I (and others) need to hear. It’s one that reminds me to make a constant effort to have my priorities in order and to prioritize my family.

Elise: 8 Tips for Ministering to Pastor’s Kids

As a PK who has also been a youth leader for PKs, I still love this post. It’s a reminder of what most PKs need: a safe place to be accepted and challenged. And while some can certainly be difficult to deal with, loving PKs well is worth it.

Nick: Quick Tip: Finding Community

Another relatively new post, but one that speaks to my heart because ministry can be lonely for staff members and spouses. Elise and I have both experienced isolation and loneliness during our time in ministry, and my hope with this blog post was to encourage all of us to find and join a community. In doing this, you will find your overall health grow and become healthier, and you will also find more joy and value in your life.

Elise: 5 Tips for Navigating Current Conversations

I wrote this post back in 2020, but it feels almost more relevant now. In the shifting tides of culture and politics, we encounter so much division–both outside and within the church. There have been so many instances where I wish we would just listen to each other in order to understand, rather than assume. I hope that this post remains relevant and helpful, and not just for youth leaders, but for all who follow Jesus Christ.

Nick: Packing for Trips: Leaders

This is a post that I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from over the years from other youth workers, and honestly was a post that was born out of years of taking trips. For me I love this post because it’s a practical way to help other leaders prepare and think through practical things that they will potentially need on a trip. You may not use all of these items, but being prepared is key and I’m very proud of the way this has helped others prepare and succeed on their trips.

Elise: Book Review: She Deserves Better

I loved this book so much, I had to highlight it once again. For those of us who grew up in purity culture, who work with young people, who have our own kids, or who lead within the church, this book is essential. I am thankful for the health, science, and godliness She Deserves Better brings to conversations surrounding gender, sexuality, and self. Check out the post, but even more so, check out the book!

Make Room for Leaders of All Generations

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I’ll admit, when I started to work in youth ministry the key idea for recruiting volunteers was to find the young, cool, and relatable college students or young adults. It seemed the mentality was “have cool young people leading and it will attract students to your program.” As I have been serving in student ministry I will admit that my personal philosophy and desires have evolved in this category.

I believe having leaders of multiple generations serving in student ministry isn’t just something we should be doing, but is essential in the discipleship process of our students. Different generations of leaders offer different perspectives, insights, skills, relational connections, maturity, and abilities to speak into students’ lives. Older generations have a better understanding of navigating life and its challenges while younger leaders can engage with the “here-and-now” parts of our students’ lives. Both of those generations are necessary and important for our students to help them grow and mature in their lives and faith journeys.

But how do we do this well? How do we not only encourage various generations to serve but also encourage our students to engage with them?

Start by highlighting the need.

Make sure people know there’s a need. Those of us who work in student ministries know there is a huge need for loving and capable adults to serve. But does your church know that? I’ll be honest: I’ve assumed this before but the truth of the matter is that people may not know.

I was talking to some elders a short time ago and as I was explaining what was happening in our ministry one of them asked me this question: Do you have enough leaders? I chuckled and said no, and they were shocked. The reality is that even our leadership may not know that we need more help.

To help people take a step of faith and serve, you must highlight the need. Talk about it. Share stories. Point to what more leaders could accomplish. The more you share the need, the better the opportunities for recruiting new leaders.

Extend a personal invitation.

In as much as I would hope this would happen, people don’t typically show up at my office asking to serve. I’d love that to happen but it only has a handful of times. The way I have typically recruited people is through a personal invite.

Reach out to different generations and ask them to serve. Take them out for coffee, explain the need, share why you are asking them, and ask them if they’d be interested. The more you can care for and invest in people, the more likely they are to jump in and serve alongside you.

Explain what different generations bring.

I love talking to people who think they are “too old” to work with students because I get to point them to the truth that they aren’t too old. Sure, as we age maybe we can’t play dodge ball or 9 Square as much (or ever), but that doesn’t mean we are dismissed from serving.

Students crave authentic, Jesus-centered, interpersonal relationships with adults, and I have found that older generations tend to be amazing at doing this. I love watching people in their 60s and 70s sit with students, listen and share stories, love them well, and show up at important moments in students’ lives. When you can highlight the importance of inter-generational relationships and the skills, insight, and wisdom that different generations bring, you will help to ensure that they see value in serving.

Show ways generations can participate and serve.

This is key in encouraging different generations to serve. We have different areas that people can serve and I would encourage you to think about places where people can step in. It may mean we have to think creatively or create new opportunities, but doing so will help your ministry to flourish.

These areas can include small group leaders, mentorship roles, managing the cafe or kitchen areas, helping with administration, teaching, mentoring and shepherding your leaders, leading training sessions, or any other areas where you see a need.

Create opportunities for generations to serve together.

Don’t isolate generations or have them serve in silos. Instead incorporate different generations throughout your ministry. Have leaders serve together from different generations, allow various generations to disciple and speak into the lives of your students, have all generations at training, and show equal value and worth to all generations.

This may seem like a “duh” reality, but our culture doesn’t always allow different generations to share life together and that can, at times, seep into our ministries. We must be intentional in creating opportunities to serve together and thinking about how our ministry is actively doing so.

Tips for Hosting a Leader Christmas Party

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When this post drops, we are only a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, which means Christmas is just a little over a month away. For our ministry, Christmastime involves two big events: a Christmas party for our students and a Christmas party for our leaders.

I love both of these, but our leader party is by far my favorite because we get to do life with our leaders who are our friends and family. We get to celebrate what God has been doing, there’s good food, we give gifts to our leaders, there’s games and friendly competition, and time to celebrate the season together.

There’s a ton of work that we put into this to pull it off, but it is so worth it because it affirms and encourages our people, and it’s a special time to build into our community and show them how much they mean to us. However, that doesn’t mean that it needs to be a lot of work for you. Planning ahead, creating a memorable moment, and caring for your team are things you can do even without a budget or months of work. Today, I want to provide you with some key elements to consider implementing to make your leader Christmas gathering special and in doing so, help you plan ahead for a busy time of year.

Provide refreshments.

This could look a hundred different ways, but I would highly suggest having some type of refreshments at your Christmas party. This could be a full on meal, snacks, appetizers, or even a potluck. We have been asking students’ families to provide baked goods and appetizers for the past few years to resounding success.

We have simply put together a digital signup coupled with an email highlighting this past year and asking for supplies. This works best for us because it saves on finances and allows our leaders to see just how appreciative families are for the work and care they put into their students. You don’t need to incorporate our idea, but instead seek to implement whatever works for your ministry and your budget.

Incorporate what leaders enjoy.

This is a big part of making these moments special. If your leaders love to play games and compete, find ways to incorporate those types of activities. If they strongly dislike games, don’t play games or limit the amount of games to only one or two. I’ll be honest, we have found that our leaders enjoy more community than structured activities at our Christmas party, so we try to make our Christmas party more community-focused with time to fellowship, eat, and enjoy being together.

Share encouragements.

Encouragement is something I have striven to build into the schedule for our Christmas party because it helps leaders recognize their value and worth to our ministry and church. We highlight what we have seen God do in and through them. We look to highlight big God stories from throughout the year like baptisms, students following Jesus, students who have grown spiritually, and trips we have taken.

The reality is there can be hard moments in student ministry and it can be discouraging. Taking time to reflect and share encouraging stories and moments is so important to building up and showing your leaders the impact they are having.

Play together.

Earlier, I highlighted incorporating aspects that leaders enjoy and I mentioned that if they dislike games then don’t incorporate them. And you may read this point of “playing together” and question whether those two points are compatible together. And the answer is “yes.” Just because some leaders may not like games, that doesn’t mean you can’t play together; the two are not mutually exclusive.

You can incorporate activities that aren’t competitive or are more laid back like cookie decorating or gingerbread house building. You can play one game versus five. You can have fun by encouraging leaders to share stories from the past year that just made them laugh. Moments like these will help build the atmosphere and environment of celebration and fun into your Christmas party.

Build relationships.

This may sound like a no-brainer, but sometimes we need to be intentional in crafting opportunities to foster relationships among our people. This can be done in a variety of ways including how you set up seating, encouraging conversational moments, shaping the schedule to allow for intentional moments, and even stating that to your people. These times can be built in through a variety of means, but the key is making sure to do so. When you have these moments with your people it not only builds relationships at that specific time, but it also helps your team to draw together in ongoing ways and creates a stronger bond among your team.

Make the gathering special.

When it comes to moments like these where we are trying to bless and encourage our people, we need to make sure we are doing our best to make the gathering special. This can include how we decorate, bringing in environmental elements like cozy seating and decorations, having music playing, intentionally crafting a schedule that reflects the occasion, and giving gifts. These don’t need to be things that break the bank, but instead can be creative elements that bless your leaders and help them to know they are seen, loved, and valued.

Quick Tip: Appreciating Others

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So October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Did you know that? Or did you forget like me? That may be one of the reasons this post is dropping in late October and not earlier.

Now you may have read that and thought to yourself, “Nick, this post seems a little self-serving since you’re a pastor and you’re talking about appreciating people in the month of October.” I hear you on that, but please understand that isn’t the heart of this post. In fact, the point of this Quick Tip is to help us think about appreciating people we work with–our bosses, and our volunteers.

When we appreciate one another well, we are showing people that they are loved, valued, and seen. In ministry circles this is vitally important because there is so much that is given beyond the contexts and demands of a non-ministry job. You don’t really stop working. The calls, texts, and emails are always coming through. People show up at your home unannounced. The weight of what people are dealing with weighs on your shoulders and your family’s as well. The burnout rate for pastors and church staff is astronomically high. And let’s not forget that church staff often aren’t paid well and volunteers aren’t paid at all.

Phew. That’s a lot and we haven’t even hit all the pieces and realities of ministry yet. But when we feel that weight, think about the other people in your life who also feel that. Your volunteers, your staff, your supervisors, your wife, your kids. We may not always get appreciated, but we can appreciate others. Rather than say, “Nobody did anything for me in October,” what if we were the catalyst for change and it started by appreciating others first?

Today, I want to share some ways you can appreciate others and love them well all year long as we seek to care well for each other. Some are practical ways to do this and others are simply suggestions on what to think through.

Think about what you’d appreciate and use that as a metric for caring well.

Sometimes it feels like we just don’t know what to do or what to get for someone else. If you’ve ever struggled around Christmas or birthdays trying to get a gift or card for someone, you know exactly what I’m talking about. In those moments, pause and consider what would make you feel loved, valued, and appreciated.

It doesn’t have to be super specific, but if quality time is what you enjoy, consider taking the individual out for a cup of coffee and listen well. If you enjoy a good book, maybe get one for them (don’t be passive aggressive in choosing the book). If it’s something handmade, think about what you could make them. Using this as a metric will help you practically think through what you can do to appreciate others.

Don’t forget the families.

The reality of working in ministry is that it is often difficult. There are hard times that can wear on ministry leaders. But often, the unseen tragedy is how deeply this affects their families. Spouses carry that weight as they walk with their significant other and try to help them. Children often lose out on time with their parent(s) because the church pulls their parent away.

Ministry leaders can come home exhausted and quality time with their family takes a hit. Families often are all-in at churches and serve in a variety of ways, and never hear “thank you.” In moments like these, it is important to remember them and care well for them. Don’t forget the families. Love them and help them to know they are seen.

Utilize a handwritten note or card.

Sometimes finances are tight, we are in ministry after all. And we may think, “I have nothing to give. What can I do?” The power of a thoughtful handwritten card is undeniable. Think about the last time you got a letter in the mail. How did you feel? It’s exciting, it’s encouraging, it’s life-giving. Taking the time to write a note and encourage someone is extremely powerful and special.

Instead of a gift card, take them out and engage with them.

If you’re financially able, a great way to appreciate someone is not just giving them a gift card but taking them out for a meal or cup of coffee. This shows intentionality and a desire to know that individual. In those moments, we need to remember that the priority is listening to and engaging with the other person. Don’t dominate the conversation and listen well. Take this as a time to grow in your knowledge and relationship with that individual as you care well for them.

Give a personalized gift.

Are you the next contestant on Holiday Baking Championship? Are you crafty and good at creating things? Still got your sourdough starter going? Are you a gifted writer or artist? Sometimes the best gift is one you personalize because you put time and effort into making it for someone. I love to bake and make candles, and I see the joy and happiness those things bring when I share them with others. So think about your skills and hobbies, and ask yourself how you can turn those things into gifts to bless others.

Communicating with Your Significant Other

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Elise and I have been married for over eleven years, and both of us would say our communication has evolved since we first got married. I can speak from my perspective and share that my communication didn’t just get better but was more of a roller coaster. There were times I communicated clearly and authentically with a desire for the relationship to grow and flourish. But there have also been times where I haven’t been a great communicator. I would shut down, I wouldn’t share my emotions, and I wouldn’t communicate well overall.

The reason I share this is not to create a “poor me” mentality, but to share with you that I get it. Communication can be hard. Communication takes work. Communication is necessary. My desire today is to share some lessons Elise and I have learned about communication in hopes of giving you some resources and an opportunity to learn sooner than we did in certain areas.

I will also say this: learning healthy communication isn’t just for those with significant others. While this post is written to that group of individuals, these truths and pieces of advice can be applied to all relationships.

Make sure to spend time together.

Let me explain this because I think a large portion of us would say a resounding “we do” to this statement. And while you may spend quantitative time, is it quality time? Were there screens involved? Did you communicate? Was there intimacy (not just sex but true, holistic intimacy)? Was the conversation meaningful? Did each person feel seen, heard, and loved? When we can answer those questions in the affirmative, then we are truly spending intentional time with our significant other.

Listen well.

Listening is a skill and an art. It takes time, intentionality, and practice to listen well. Listen not to solve problems, but to understand and know the other person. When you listen in that way, it makes the time purposeful and not simply about finishing the conversation or righting the issue.

When there is conflict, be willing to engage with it.

Please hear me on this: I’m not advocating for seeking out conflict. Please do not run and try to find issues or problems to turn into a bigger issue. Instead, we all know that in every relationship there will be some type of conflict. Some minor and some major. How you deal with that conflict is paramount to helping your relationship heal and thrive.

Don’t run from the conflict, don’t dismiss it, and don’t attack the other person. Instead remember who the conflict is with: your best friend. Remember what the goal is: it isn’t winning, it’s thriving together as one. When you put things in perspective, conflict doesn’t have to be bad but instead can be handled well where each party communicates, is seen and heard, and resolution begins.

Be mindful of your tone.

Our communication can often be changed by our tone and approach to it. If we come to the conversation with an agenda or a specific attitude, that will be communicated toward our significant other. We also need to be aware of how and why we are saying the things we are communicating. Sarcasm, critical or accusatory words, or even manipulative comments can be extremely detrimental to the relationship. When you’re mindful of your tone, you are going to truly be able to communicate and care well for one another.

Share authentically.

For some reason couples don’t always share how they are feeling. Whether they don’t feel they can, are trying to avoid conflict, or don’t know how, we must be able to be authentic in how we communicate. We need to share feelings, both good and bad. We need to take off the masks and be honest with each other. We need to be vulnerable and receive vulnerability well from one another. When you share authentically and value your spouse when they do, you are creating a safe and healthy space for your relationship to flourish and grow.

Quick Tip: Prepping for Fall Kickoff

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Depending where you’re at in the country, it probably doesn’t feel like fall right now. Here in the northeast it’s been fairly warm and we haven’t seen a lot of rain. We have been utilizing our summer programmatic schedule and just finished our trips at the end of July.

Coming up, we still have a lot of activities and gatherings planned for August, but fall programming is just around the corner. Fall sports have started practicing, kids are preparing for classes, families’ rhythms are being reestablished, teachers are preparing classrooms, and it feels like summer is quickly fading away.

As fall approaches that means we are engaged in planning and preparation for the school year, and for us we start our Wednesday night programming with a celebratory fall kickoff. We host an invitational and relational gathering that is filled with high energy, connecting opportunities, and lots of food. It’s a total blast and helps us set the year off with a bang!

Your fall programming and your kickoff may look vastly different from ours, however there are some key elements every fall kickoff should have. So what are some ways to ensure that your kickoff is a success?

1. Ensure it aligns with your vision and mission.

Whatever your event looks like, you need to make sure it highlights and champions your ministry’s values. This comes through in what the event is, how it is structured, the scope and sequence of the event, how it’s communicated, and what the message is for it. This ensures that everything aligns and is communicated in all that you do.

2. Create the environment that fits your programmatic structure.

There were many times earlier in my ministry career where I attempted to pack as much as I could into whatever event we were hosting. When you try to squeeze three hours of fun into a two hour event, something falls flat and people will miss out on things. Instead, I’ve learned that for our structure, less is more.

This means more time spent hanging out and building community instead of super structured games or activities, followed by an equal distribution of time for a message and small groups. Whatever environment you are going for, make sure that you align it with your program overall to ensure that your mission and vision are communicated through everything you do.

3. Connect students with their leaders and peers.

Fall kickoff is a wonderful opportunity to connect and reconnect students with their small group leaders and other students. Students crave community and authentic relationships. If you intentionally create an environment that embraces those aspects you will see your ministry start off on very strong footing heading into the school year.

4. Cast direction for the school year.

An integral part of your fall kickoff should include casting direction and vision for the school year. You should seek to incorporate your vision for the ministry and allow for that to drive the direction for the school year. In our ministry we will always talk about our vision for the ministry but we will use that as the catalyst for our direction for the school year.

Part of our vision statement has to do with “being sent to build the kingdom of God,” so the past couple of years we have challenged students to invite and reach their peers. When you can incorporate your ministry’s vision with the direction for the school year, you will be creating consistency throughout the ministry.

5. Have fun.

While this may seem like a no-brainer in student ministry, we need to be intentional in this. We aren’t supplementing the Gospel or discipleship in doing this, but instead creating an environment that is intentional in how we welcome, engage with, and care for students.

Typically fall kickoffs happen during our midweek programming which tend to be more invitational and evangelistic and so having an environment that is fun will encourage more students to participate and invite their peers. This is also an encouragement and reminder to us as ministry leaders and for our volunteers. Students see how we engage and respond and they will reflect that. So having fun, engaging, and displaying Jesus as we have fun is key.

    5 Ways to Support Your Church’s Student Ministry

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    While this blog is primarily geared toward those already leading in student ministry, today we want to share a post for those who aren’t currently serving. Maybe you’re considering how you can serve in your church, or maybe you’re not sure where to begin. We want to encourage you to think about creative ways you can care for younger generations, particularly the middle and high school students in your church body.

    1. Commit to praying daily.

    Prayer may seem “too simple,” but talk to any youth leader and they’ll share just how important it is for their ministry. To know that others in the church body are praying regularly for their students and ministry is so meaningful.

    You can pray generally and specifically for the ministry and those involved. An easy way to pray specifically is to ask for prayer requests from youth leaders, and for names of students and leaders for whom you can pray. Commit to praying leading up to and during trips and events. If there is a student ministry email your church sends out, ask if you can subscribe and use the content to help guide your prayers.

    This will also help you learn more about your church’s student ministry and the people involved in it. It will also help you learn about the needs of the ministry and might help you find specific ways you can serve.

    2. Volunteer if you’re able.

    Churches have different requirements and needs for who can serve, and different areas in student ministry where volunteers are needed. There is always the obvious need for small group leaders, but there are other opportunities as well. Talk to whomever leads your church’s student ministry to find out what needs exist and where you might be able to step in.

    You may be able to help with set-up and/or tear down as many student events are held in multipurpose spaces. You may be able to host a small group or event at your home, or provide a meal for leaders and/or students. If your church’s student ministry serves snacks or food, you can volunteer to help with serving and clean up. Or if you’re a musician or sound tech and your church has worship for the students, you can volunteer to serve on their worship team.

    3. Give what you can.

    Perhaps you can’t commit to regularly serving the student ministry in person, or perhaps you want to do more. There are multiple ways people can give to student ministry, beyond just monetary gifts and tithes. Again, speaking with the leader of the student ministry will help uncover specific needs, but a few ideas include donating snacks and drinks, Bibles, pens or other writing utensils, journals, fidgets, or games.

    Other youth programs may need furniture or decor to help make their space more inviting and homey. Some may love to have shirts with their logo to give out to students to create a sense of camaraderie and community. Still others may be longing for equipment, like 9 Square or speakers. Look for the unique needs of your church’s student ministry and the ways you may be able to meet them. And again, please check with leadership first before purchasing or dropping things off.

    4. Invite others.

    As you learn of the needs of your church’s student ministry, invite others within the church body to join in serving. Not only will leadership appreciate the support, students will appreciate the care they receive from invested adults who genuinely love them.

    Don’t forget to invite students to the ministry as well. If you meet a new family in your community, don’t be afraid to share about the ministry and invite them to check it out. Connect them with leadership or students who are involved so they can make connections before visiting.

    5. Learn.

    One of the best ways older generations can help students is by learning about them and their generation. It can be too easy to ignore or write off younger people, which is not what church body life should be about. We are a family and that includes knowing and caring for each other. We should seek to learn so that we can understand and serve younger generations well.

    Take time to listen, to read, and to educate yourself on the issues students are dealing with, both specifically and generally. You may not be able to talk to students in your church (though if you can, that is the best place to start), but you can learn from professionals and those working with young people, like the student leaders in your church. Seek to foster understanding and empathy, so that you may care more deeply and love more fully, and allow that to spill over into the ways you pray, serve, and give.

    Making Graduation Season Special

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    It’s here! The time of year when we commission our graduates, celebrate their achievements, shed some tears as they move on, and reflect on all the memories we have made together. But with these moments come multiple opportunities to invest in, encourage, and champion them as they move into the next phase of their life journey.

    There are commencement ceremonies, parties galore, senior parades, and more. Depending on your context and the structure of your ministry, you may be invited to numerous gatherings and events, and that begs a question: how do you make these moments special? Depending on your context you may be invited to a graduation ceremony with multiple students but perhaps you don’t have a budget to get them all a gift. Or maybe you’re invited by a specific family to a graduation, so do you bring them a gift…but what about the other students you know who are graduating?

    In order to make the most of this special season, I want to offer a few suggestions for you to consider that will allow you to bless all of your students in a meaningful and personal way. These will specifically be cost-sensitive and will focus on ideas and engagements that will have intentional impact.

    Be intentionally relational.

    This may sound like a no-brainer, but sometimes it can be hard to engage with people relationally. Maybe it’s a student who just never had anything nice to say. Perhaps it’s a parent who spread rumors about you or one you never met. Or maybe you’re just feeling wiped out from talking to everyone and what’s the big deal with not talking to that family, that parent, or that student?

    These moments are opportunities for you to continue to show that your students matter and that you are in their corner. Yes, it may take more time and energy, and yes, you may need to humble yourself in these moments. But I can promise you that if you engage relationally during this season you will see wonderful results as your students continue to grow.

    Bring a personalized card.

    We have quite a few students graduate each year and it honestly would cost a lot of money if we got each of them a gift, even a small one. So our ministry does gifts for each graduate at our senior commissioning, but Elise and I write out a personal card for each of them that we decorate and make unique. Sharing some memories, writing a personal encouragement, sharing a specific prayer, or even just letting them know how you’ve seen them grow makes the letter intentional and personal instead of a standard card. When you can do something as personal as a handwritten card it shows your students how much they mean to you and how you have seen them grow during their time in your ministry.

    Show up when invited.

    Our church is a regional church which means we have four or more public high schools, three Christian schools, and cyber learning or homeschooled students represented in our program. Most of our area schools only give out a certain amount of graduation tickets to students, so we don’t always get to attend commencement ceremonies. But when we do, we show up and try to connect with all of our students and families who are present. The same goes for graduation parties. Sometimes we get invited and sometimes we don’t. But when we get the invitation we do our best to attend and connect with our student and their family. These are intentional moments and they communicate love and care for your students.

    Don’t be rushed.

    I don’t know about you but sometimes I can feel a little pressed for time. There are moments when rushing is appropriate, but in moments when you are connecting with and celebrating your graduates, you need to slow down and be present. That means don’t relegate yourself to only a short time frame. Instead keep your schedule open so you can spend the appropriate amount of time at each special moment.

    Continue to be present.

    Some of our students experience a fear of the unknown and a fear of leaving behind something they love. In releasing and commissioning our students, one of the things we can continue to do is be present for them. Let them know that you will still be around and that they can still reach out to you. There will be changes, like they are no longer in youth group, but let them know that your love and commitment to them will not change. Continue to follow up with them, grab coffee or visit with them, host a Bible study for graduates, connect them with your college ministry, and utilize other ways to connect during the summer months. These moments help students know that they still matter and that you, and your church, are for them.

    Why Have Mission Trip Training?

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    I remember going on my first mission trip in high school. I was a junior and we went to Mexico to serve in one of the cities there. I knew some of the group I went with and had a little bit of an idea of what we would be doing. I knew we would be performing some dramas portrayed to music because we were separated into groups and told to find time to practice and prepare.

    We were given a music video and told to try and replicate that for our trip. We got together and practiced, and we ended up being pretty good (minus my lack of musical skill and being able to keep time). We had a couple of team meetings where we’d talk about knowing some Spanish and were given a brief overview of what to expect. Other than that we were told to have our passports ready and were given a tiny packing list. I had no idea what we were walking into, I didn’t really know what to expect or what we’d be doing, and I wasn’t prepared for the culture shock.

    In other churches where I’ve served, mission training and prep work were not in-depth nor did they actually prepare us for what we would do. It was very basic and broad, and probably not overly helpful for our teams. Now, I have completely tried to shift how this is done with our students in order to better prepare them, help them grow and mature, and to set them up for success on the trip. I am not saying that what we do for our training is perfect or a one-size-fits-all approach, but I do believe what we offer is helpful and beneficial for everyone who goes on the trip. Below are the aspects we incorporate to make training important, necessary, meaningful, and developmental.

    Team building.

    Thoughtful and practical team building is a must for your group because it helps them prepare for the changes that will happen and the flexibility that is of vital importance on a mission trip. This can look different depending on your team and can include different games (Minefield, 4 Person Skis, Relay Races, Obstacle Courses, etc.) with thoughtful engagement and questions after it’s done. It could involve practicing building things or using different tools, it may involve different assessments, or it could even be assigning the group a task and removing aspects that we take for granted (i.e. speaking, seeing, lighting, directions, etc.).

    In order for these to be successful you must make sure to debrief, engage, and help students process. Students will get frustrated by these exercises, but helping them to understand why they did and how these moments will develop in trips is key because then they can begin to thoughtfully engage better on the trip.

    Self-awareness training.

    This often goes hand-in-hand with team building because effective team building should have thoughtful reflections and questions afterward to help your team think deeper about how they engage with one another. But that shouldn’t be the only self-awareness training you do. Consider bringing in a spiritual gifts assessment, a small personality assessment like DISC, having students do an assessment like Strength Finders, or even having students think through what will be difficult for them on the trip. Create space for them to share those things in a smaller group and think creatively about how to respond.

    Relationship training.

    Now hold on for a moment because I know how some of you read that. I am not thinking about couples or “purpling.” What I am talking about is helping our teams understand how to have authentic, interpersonal relationships with one another in the midst of a mission trip.

    Prayerfully, you are taking a group of students and leaders who are all very different people. That means their stressors will be different, how they respond to certain tasks or leaders will differ, and how they engage when overtired, stressed, hungry, or frustrated may cause them to butt heads with other members of your group. Training your team on how to understand those moments will come, how to work to prevent them, how to respond during them, and how to love one another well before, during, and after them is of vital importance.

    Understanding where you are going.

    Currently, we have been taking teams of high school students to rural Kentucky in the Appalachian Mountains. It’s an amazing community that we have the privilege of helping recover from devastating flooding that occurred in 2022. While we are only 8-9 hours away from there, it is a completely different setting. Culturally it’s different, their vocabulary is different, how they do things is different, and even what they eat is different (remind me to share what soup beans are sometime).

    In order to help your team prepare, it may good for you to do a site trip or a vision trip so you can bring back firsthand knowledge to share with them. Regardless of whether you can go to the site first or not, you should work to help your team to understand the setting and culture you are entering into. Set expectations, help them know what to say and not say, talk about what they will see and hear, walk through how to engage with the community, and help them prepare their hearts.

    Providing updates.

    Mission trip training sessions allow you to provide your team with all the updates they need. Whether it’s updates on the trips, updates on support raising, or updates on packing lists, training allows you to communicate what needs to be shared and help your team be as prepared as possible. Updates help your team to know what they need to know in order to be successful and capable in their service to others.

    Engage in thoughtful conversations.

    One of the parts our training includes is thinking differently about poverty, how we see people, and how we can help. We want our students to not judge people or fall prey to the typical societal responses toward those individuals who are living in poverty. In order to accomplish this well we incorporate videos from Helping Without Hurting from Life.Church. There are six videos in total and crafting questions for before and after the video will help your team think critically about how and why they are serving.

    Mission trip training is vitally important to helping your team gel together, serve well, and be equipped for what they will be doing. Trip training doesn’t guarantee success but it does provide your team with the resources and training that they need in order to thrive on their trip as they seek to serve others.