Category: Church Staff

7 Ways to Help Students Serve

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“Nick! You have two riding mowers?! Look at this one it’s bigger than what my family uses at our farm!”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. We also have a wood shop that our facility team utilizes.”

“Can I see it?!”

“Sure thing!” I unlocked the door to our wood shop and the student’s eyes almost jumped out of his head.

“Nick…this…is…amazing! I wish I could use this stuff and cut grass here.”

“You can if you want to. I can connect you with our facility team and if your parents are okay with it, you can help them out.”

“I’m gonna check with my parents after youth group and let you know this Sunday!”

This was a conversation I had with a middle school boy recently. He correctly identified the tractors, mowers, and tools as I simply nodded along trying not to show my ignorance in what he was pointing out. We were cleaning up from an outdoor event and he was helping me put things away in our garage at the church. When he saw all the resources our facility team had to take of the grounds and to build items for various ministries, our student was over the moon excited to be able to use them. I could see how much he enjoyed working with his hands and being outdoors, as well as driving some of our bigger mowers. (What middle school boy wouldn’t be excited about that?) But what I could really see was his desire to serve and help in an area he was passionate about.

I don’t know many people who get excited about doing yard work, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that this student found a place where he could use his gifts, passions, and skill sets to help serve the body of Christ and I wanted to help him excel in that area. Getting students excited about serving and helping them find their niche is an important part of guiding them toward growing in their faith and growing as a member in the body of Christ. So how do we do this well?

1. Model service for them.

One of the best ways to help students grow and have a desire for serving is by showing them what serving looks like. When students see us serving and doing so with a willing and joyful spirit, it will help grow a desire to be of service within them as well. It helps our students to learn through seeing others model serving and it also gives us a practical way of helping younger generations grow and mature as followers of Jesus. You are cultivating a desire to serve as you model service for them.

2. Challenge them.

The next way to help students serve is by challenging them to do so. If you see a need for service, challenge your students to rise to the occasion and meet the need. This could be helping with set-up and tear-down at an event. It could be doing yard work for someone in the church or the neighboring community. It could be helping in the nursery. Or it could be any number of other things. By highlighting the need and challenging your students to meet it, you are building in them a desire to serve and also giving them an opportunity to demonstrate their ability to lead and care for others.

3. Help them know their gifts and skills.

When I ask students what their gifts are or where they could serve the usual answer is, “I don’t know.” This isn’t because they are ambivalent or don’t care, but because they truly do not know. So find ways to help students identity their skills and gifts, but also highlight ways they can serve in and outside of the church. Spiritual gifts assessments abound online but one from Lifeway is a solid option that is more in-depth and will help students be able to see which gifts they have and how to utilize them. Coupling spiritual gifts assessments with ideas on how to serve and a skill set survey sheet will help your students start thinking creatively about where and how they can serve.

4. Help them come up with their own ideas.

While helping students figure out where to serve, I would highly suggest we not pigeonhole them into a certain area we think would be good for them. Instead, allow them to find their own ways to serve. Give them guidelines and a direction, but also allow them to be creative and find places and opportunities to serve on their own.

I encouraged a student to serve one time in our communications department because of their skill set with design and art, but their passion was serving in our worship department because they could help people engage corporately through different media. I hadn’t even thought of that option but if I had forced them to serve in a place they weren’t passionate, they may never have continued to serve. So let students be creative and think about where and how they want to serve.

5. Serve with them.

One of the best things we can do when it comes to helping students serve is to serve with them. I know we can’t do everything, especially on Sundays, but if you’re able to serve alongside your students periodically I would encourage you to do so. Maybe it’s helping with tech one week. Or perhaps it’s seeing a student mowing the church lawn and going out to help or bring them a bottle of water. Maybe it’s hosting a service day and working with them. The more students see serving modeled by you and your leaders the more they will continue to serve.

6. Equip them to serve.

This goes beyond simply helping them identify their gifts and where to serve. It is about helping them to grow and mature in their service. I’m not saying you need to know everything and help students know how to do all the things, but help them grow as servants of God. Teach them why we serve, show them how to serve joyfully, debrief with them, help them grow and try new things, encourage them, and connect your students with others who can help them grow and sharpen their skills.

7. Follow up.

Follow-up is one of the most necessary things to do when we challenge students to serve, and it is also one of the things that tends to fall by the wayside. Be willing to check in on your students and see if they have followed through on their commitments, but also listen to how they are doing while serving. When you follow up, it isn’t about making sure students are behaving and doing the right things. Follow-up is checking in to see how their hearts are doing and being intentional and relational in your conversations. It’s caring about your students and their maturity as followers of Christ. Making sure your students are experiencing growth and seeing how they are valid and needed parts of the body of Christ is paramount as you follow up with them.

How are you helping and equipping students to serve?

What’s In Your Back Pocket?

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“Feeling about his pockets, he finds the ring he had found earlier and had forgotten about, and asks out loud to himself, ‘What have I got in my pocket?‘” – The Hobbit

Sorry, I couldn’t help but dig into my nerdy side with this title. This isn’t a post about The Hobbit but instead is about being prepared at any time. Throughout my time in youth ministry it has been impressed upon me the importance of always having a backup plan. Or something in your back pocket. It’s essential to have something ready to go in case of the inevitable shift in plans, weather, attendance, or any of the hundreds of changes that happen during ministry.

This has often happened to me on mission trips. You go to visit a church in the community you’re serving in and they ask you to come and share, and what they really mean is give a sermon. Or you may be asked to go on visitation to a nursing home and they ask you to run the chapel that day. Perhaps you are put on the spot in a tragedy. Or maybe the main youth leader is out sick and running the night falls on you! What do you do? Are you ready to go? Should you just wing it?

I think for many of us, those are somewhat terrifying moments and situations. I can honestly say that I have experienced all of them. And having walked through them I have realized the necessity of being prepared and having messages, games, and questions you can default to. This isn’t to say you should live in fear wondering when you’ll be called on next, but rather to be prepared should you have the opportunity to step up. I want to share with you a few ways you can be prepared and have something your back pocket whenever you need.

Have easy no-prep games ready to go.

We have written on our favorite little- or no-prep games before, and having games that you know how to run that don’t need any supplies is a must. A favorite of mine is pull up which you can find by clicking the link to the earlier post. And manhunt or capture the flag are also super easy because it just involves people, space, and maybe a couple quick objects for a game. If you don’t have the space or the weather outside isn’t cooperating, think about playing spoons or mafia. Anything can be utilized to take the place of spoons, except sharp things, and mafia requires only a deck of cards.

Always have generic small group or discussion questions.

Small group questions are the norm for many programs but they often come from the lead person for that ministry. If you were asked to take over for an evening or an event, do you have small group questions you can utilize? Having generic questions will allow your students or team to engage with the lesson or material and better seek to apply it to their lives. Generic questions typically won’t work every week, but in a pinch these are a great way to ensure conversation in large and small groups.

Here are some general questions that we incorporate each week alongside our specific questions that relate to the lesson:

  • What is one good thing and one difficult thing that happened this week?
  • What stood out to you from the talk?
  • What challenged you from the talk?
  • What were some of the key topics and themes from the message?
  • What was the big idea from tonight’s conversation?
  • What is one part of the message that you want to explore more?
  • What is one thing you can practically apply to your life this week?
  • What prayer requests do you have?

Always have a message or two that you know by heart.

This is something I learned on my very first mission trip as a student. We were told we may need to share a devotion at some point on the trip, but what we didn’t know was that devotion would be shared in front of a church and was actually the Sunday message. I had volunteered to share prior to the trip and was shocked when I found out I’d be in front of the church. I don’t remember what I said but I remember the pastor coming up afterwards and thankfully expounding on it.

I wish I could say that mission trip was the only time that happened but I can’t. I’ve been asked to preach multiple times on mission trips when we enter a church building. I’ve also been asked to share a message of hope to a large group of students and families when I arrived as a grief counselor to an unexpected tragedy involving a student. I wasn’t prepared for that but I knew I needed to be able to offer some sort of comfort and hope to a hurting group of people. I know it’s not always easy to be prepared in the moment. But if you have a hand full of messages for a variety of circumstances memorized and ingrained in your mind and heart, you will find yourself better prepared to tackle those surprise moments.

A few messages I have in my back pocket include a general one on God’s grace and gift of salvation; one on grief, pain, and hope; and two based off of my favorite passages of scripture from Psalm 1 and Ephesians 3. These are all messages that have personal connections to my life and are ones I have worked on for years to make sure they have been honed and internalized. By utilizing personal connections and practicing them, they become ingrained and part of us, which means they are ready to go even when we are surprised to learn we will be teaching.

We want to know: what are some things that you keep in your back pocket?

How to Host a Respite Day

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One of the best parts of my job is working with our special needs ministry. I have the amazing privilege of overseeing a wonderful team of volunteers who love and guide our students in that ministry. Aside from being a ministry I believe every church should have (that’s another conversation for a later post), this is a ministry that truly brings me so much joy.

I started with the special needs ministry when the person overseeing it moved on to a different ministry organization. I’ll be honest and say that I was woefully ill-prepared and had no idea what I was doing. I had never been trained or taught about this while in school, and this is the first church that I have been to that actually has a special needs ministry.

So I went into my first meeting with the team and just asked questions and sought to learn. I dove into books, contacted churches who have special needs ministries, and sought to grow in my ability to walk with and disciple these amazing young people. Through all of that, I got to know my team and our students better and truly began to understand and have a heart for this ministry just like my leaders. And it was through one of my leaders that we began to host our Respite Days again.

Respite days were something our church hosted before COVID and before I started on staff, and honestly, I was a little nervous about hosting them. My mind ran toward all the liabilities, the different needs students had, the guidelines we needed, the number of volunteers, and so much more. If I am being honest though, it was fear that kept me from being willing to host these days in the beginning. Fear of the unknown and what-ifs. Fear of failing. Fear of letting down our students and families who already are marginalized and isolated.

But after some loving and continued prodding from my team, we hosted a respite day in January of this past year and it was a huge success! So much so that we are now hosting one in the summer, fall, and spring of each year. What I’d love to share with you today are a few key ways you can host your own respite day and how you can help ensure it is a success.

Have a sign up process.

The sign up process shouldn’t just be about gathering names, addresses, or other contact info, but about getting to know the students and their families. You should have options for understanding the students and their disabilities and how you can best care for them. You should also look to understand what their triggers are and how they interact with others. Doing this allows you to better serve, love, and care for the students. I’d also encourage you to have a place where you can ask the families if they have any prayer requests or needs, so you can assess whether your church can step in to help and walk with them.

Build a team.

One of the best things to have in place to make this a successful event is a quality team. Having people who understand students with special needs and how to love and care fore them is essential. But it’s also important to bring in people who simply love others well and care enough to learn and walk with them.

Utilize students.

Students with special needs often feel ostracized and alienated by their peers. And more often than not, students with special needs know that they are different and left out. So bringing in students to love and share in life with your group is a wonderful way to encourage them and help to build community. Seek out students who are good hosts and willing to spend time with others, and simply let them do that. Allow them to simply come and build relationships with their peers and to love on your special needs students.

Provide food.

Food is a natural way to lower walls and build community. Having snacks and a meal (if time allows) is a great way to make your environment welcoming and warm. But make sure that you know if certain foods or additives aren’t okay for your students. This is something that your intake form should have as a required question.

If parents don’t want their students having sugar, think about having fruit instead of fruit snacks. If they can’t have food dyes, look for more natural snacks. We have provided Goldfish crackers, pretzels, grapes, and Skinny Pop as snack items and we have had pizza and Chick-fil-A for meals. Whatever you choose, be intentional in what you pick to help make your atmosphere and the entire day feel special and celebratory.

Have a variety of activities.

In order for a respite day to be a success, it is highly important to have a lot of different activities to engage your special needs students. These could be Foosball, ping pong, four square, board games, puzzles, coloring and crafts, playing outside on a playground, drawing with chalk, watching a movie, or playing games on a Wii. We also provide fidget toys for our students who need them and we place them throughout the area we are using so they are ever-present.

We don’t necessarily structure our day with rigid timelines of what we want to do at specific times. Instead we have all the activities up and going to allow our students to engage organically with one another. We do make sure our leaders are present at each activity but we also allow students to choose their own adventure by picking what activity they would like to do.

Bless the families.

One thing I came to realize by serving with our special needs team is this: having a special needs child is extremely taxing and isolating. Most of these families feel alone and forgotten. And worst still, they don’t see churches as safe places for them or their kids. I’ve had multiple parents tell me they have been forced to leave a church as they were told their child wasn’t wanted because they are a disruption. These families are hurting and in need.

So if you’re able to, consider having gifts or gift bags for the students and for their families. For families, we write a card for them and include a gift card to a local restaurant along with information about our church and special needs ministry. For the students, we give new students The Biggest Story Bible by Kevin DeYoung, but everyone gets a gift bag with glow sticks, snacks, some fidget toys, stickers, colored pencils, a journal, sunglasses, and a special note to them from our special needs ministry team.

Utilize invitations.

When you are preparing to host a respite day make sure that you have invitations that you can use to invite people. Disperse them to your church community but also ask the families who have special needs students to invite their friends. Special needs families have their own communities and know one another well, so asking them to share the invitations will ensure that they invite their friends which will provide opportunities for unchurched people to step into your church.

Be hospitable.

Welcoming families as they arrive is key. There may be families who show up who have never been to your facility before, so having someone greet them is paramount to them feeling loved and accepted. Make sure your leaders have name tags and introduce themselves as they interact with the families to encourage them and to help them be put at ease as they leave their student with you.

Hospitality shouldn’t exist only when people arrive but also as students are picked up. Making sure you have a greeter and someone to walk parents and guardians back to their students is highly important and shows them that you value the safety and well-being of their child as well as caring for the parent.

Is it Wrong to Seek Advancement?

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When was the last time you thought about advancement in your position? Do you have any idea what that might look like? Does your church have a policy or program in place to help you advance and grow in your position?

How did those questions make you feel? I think that when many people enter into ministry they don’t often think about advancement. Sure, there might be the thought that advancement is “becoming the senior pastor,” but I would assert this is a false sense of advancement because not everyone is called to be a senior pastor.

Many people are called to be pastors but in a variety of roles because that is how God designed and gifted them. But if that is true, shouldn’t there be an opportunity to grow and advance in those positions? The answer is and should be “yes,” whether or not that is seen and understood by your superiors.

Before we even get to what your supervisors may think and desire for you, we must begin by looking internally to ascertain if this is the appropriate and needed advancement for ourselves. In order to help determine if you are correctly looking for advancement, it is helpful to ask the following questions.

Ask: Why?

There are a lot of “why” questions we could pose here. Why do I want this? Why am I not advancing? Why is advancement a good thing? Why should I want to advance? Asking “why” is all about authenticity. Are you being honest with yourself and with your employers? Was it your intent when you got hired to move forward? What does that even mean for you…what about for your church?

When we are thinking about advancement, the “why” question should force us to look inward. There are great reasons to move toward advancement, but there can also be selfish reasons that guide our desires. So by asking why, you are forcing yourself to think critically about your reasoning and desires.

Ask: What is my goal?

Often when we think about advancement we are thinking about position, title, and financial status. While none of these are inherently wrong, we should be aware of our true heart motivation for desiring advancement. I’ve worked in ministry circles long enough to watch people treat various ministries like stepping stones to get to the desired position of senior pastor. We can debate for days on why this is, the way churches are structured, how ministry schools train you to think, and the way churches elevate that position over others, but that would be missing the point.

The point is sometimes we value aspects of advancement that shouldn’t be our focus or desire. In ministry, we are called to shepherd and disciple those whom God has entrusted to our care, and to simply look for advancement without consideration of our true calling wouldn’t be honoring of that calling. I am not saying you shouldn’t think about yourself, your family, or your financial status, but we should be discerning our true goal. As we do this, it helps us think critically about how we minister and care for our people and it should also shape the authenticity we show to our church.

Ask: Whose desire is this?

Is it God’s desire or your own? You may have a desire or reason to seek advancement that is completely appropriate. You may need to advance to better support your family or pay off your debt. Those are valid and important reasons. However, there are times our desires aren’t centered properly, and that means we need to wisely discern whose desire we are following.

A metric we need to remember is that while our desires may not be wrong or improper, they aren’t ultimate. If you’re just getting an education to “move up” in your career, you aren’t necessarily listening to what God is saying, nor are you paying attention to the people you have been called to shepherd. Often our desires and God’s can go hand-in-hand, but there will be times that they don’t. A great way to help you discern this would be to bring an honest, trusted friend and mentor into the conversation to help you see whose desire you are following. Allow them to speak truth and help guide you in this process.

Ask: What does advancement mean for me?

Acknowledging what advancement looks like for you is important because it allows you to assess where you want to be and how you’re going to get there. It also gives you a starting point for conversations with your church and ministry. They may see advancement in terms of helping you grow in knowledge and education, but you may define it by title, position, or pay scale. Being able to define what advancement looks like gives you the ability to clearly and concisely communicate it. When you communicate what you see advancement as, it allows you to compare your perspective to that of your church and to see if they are in alignment.

At the end of the day, advancement isn’t wrong, but it is important to discern why we are seeking it, and how we are going about obtaining it. Growing and advancing in a career field is important, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of people. That goes for congregants and for you and your family. You should never see a ministry or church as a stepping stone or a means to an end, and likewise you shouldn’t just stay in a position if it is causing hurt and pain to you and your family. Discernment and wisdom from God and trusted mentors should always be a metric you seek out in this part of your career, and you should always be checking your heart.

My advice: always be a learner, always seek to grow, be honest about your desires and where your heart is, and always remember the calling God has given to you. Advancement isn’t wrong, but how we go about obtaining it is key.

Hosting a Meaningful Senior Commissioning

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It’s that time of year when we see all the graduation pictures, receive grad party announcements, and maybe even get invited to a graduation ceremony or two. We’ve written before about honoring seniors and helping to spiritually prepare them for college. In today’s post I want to focus in on one way to do that and offer some ways to do it well with a senior commissioning. I know for some ministries this time may have passed, but it doesn’t mean you can’t do something during the summer, or think about next year and how to impart new or different ideas into your current context and culture.

Let me first explain what I mean when I say senior commissioning. I grew up in churches that would recognize and celebrate seniors on a “senior Sunday,” and I must admit that this was my practice when I started working in student ministry. It usually comprises parading students onstage and, depending on the number, sharing their next steps. Then there’s usually a short word from the youth pastor followed by a brief prayer and applause from the congregation. There’s nothing wrong with this approach, but as I stepped back and assessed what we were doing and why we were doing it, I realized that there are more intentional, relational, and spiritual approaches we could take.

Out of that thought, and many refining steps along the way, we developed our senior commissioning. This is a multi-step approach to not only honoring seniors but also commissioning, encouraging, and preparing them for their next steps as they move beyond high school and student ministry. So let me explain the details for how this looks and how we strive to make this an intentional approach in our disciple-making process.

Communicate.

Months before we actually host our commissioning we reach out to our seniors and their families and let them know what will be happening. We also ask them to fill out a form that has specific information that we will utilize in a booklet for families and show on our screens during our commissioning in the church services. We ask for a senior photo, their favorite memories from their time in student ministries, what trips they went on with our program, what their plans are after graduation, and how can we pray for them. These pieces are all utilized to create a brochure that we give out to our congregants and families to highlight our students. We also continue to communicate with the seniors and families about what we are doing as we get closer to our commissioning ceremony.

Create gift bags.

We do a lot of gift bags throughout the year. We do leader gift bags for when they go on trips with us. There are gift bags for families when we host respite days. Gifts bags for our large training at the beginning of the school year. Gift bags at Christmas. And I’ll be honest, sometimes when you do a lot of gift bags, they begin to look the same. There may be subtle differences but they all have the same feel.

The reason I bring that up is because we want these bags to be thoughtful, intentional, relational, and student-specific. That means we have special name tags and personalized cards instead of a generic gift bag with a general card. We also add in cards signed by our whole staff team and a personalized letter signed by our student team and senior pastor letting them know we are for them and this is their church that loves them. We put in some candy because you know…student ministry. We put in celebratory items like glow sticks and confetti poppers. We get them either book about following Jesus in college or a devotional. Sometimes we throw in a gift card to a local dessert shop.

Purchase items for a reception.

When we host our senior commissioning, it isn’t just about bringing our students on stage and praying for them. That’s a big piece of what we do, but we also want to have a reception time to celebrate and honor the graduates. When you host a reception, you are highlighting the relational component of your ministry and valuing the personhood of each of your graduates. So think about what your reception could and should look like.

Our reception happens during our 10:30 a.m. service time, so we have light refreshments like mini bagels and small pastries. We also provide coffee and orange juice. At our church, most of our rooms are multipurpose which means they tend to have standard items that don’t necessarily feel inviting unless you’re intentional with the space. So we love to incorporate tablecloths, centerpieces, balloons, music, and even a fun backdrop for photos. The little touches make the reception feel more special and make our graduates feel seen and loved.

So think about what items you could purchase to make the reception a little more inviting and special. You don’t need to blow your budget to make an event special. It’s often little things like a flavored coffee creamer, a photo booth, tablecloths, balloons, or even just a welcoming space that truly make this a special moment for graduates and their families.

Have intentional time for families.

One thing I hear often from parents and students alike is how busy everyone is. I mean think about: when was the last time every one of your students showed up to youth group on time? Students are incredibly busy and running from one event to the next. The same is true for families, so much so that they often don’t get time to simply be together and pour into one another. One of the best parts of our senior commissioning is creating space for families to simply be together.

We carve out 20 minutes from our reception to give parents and families time to speak into their graduate and to encourage them. We don’t just spring this on them at the reception; we email out all the details ahead of time and even give them some prompts on what this time could entail. These are moments that the families can utilize however they want and we always get great feedback from them that this is one of their favorite parts.

Challenge and prayer.

We make sure to conclude the commissioning with a challenge and prayer time for our graduates. We want to challenge and encourage them to continue in their faith journey and to help them know that we are for them. We also take time to encourage and challenge parents. This is a time of change for parents and it is important to help them see these changes but also to show them ways to engage with the changes and still shepherd their graduate. This is not intended to take up a lot of time during the reception but instead is meant to provide guidance and encouragement in a short amount of time.

Connect grads with a college ministry.

I will be fully transparent with you and tell you that I struggled with this for many years. Not because I didn’t believe in it, but we just couldn’t seem to get the transition from high school to college ministry to work. This past year we have finally been able to see this transition start to work.

We begin by connecting our seniors with our college ministry leaders at the beginning of the school year. We also utilize our college leaders’ house as a Home Group location for our seniors once a month. Then our college leaders continue to connect with and invite the seniors to college student gatherings that are highly relational throughout the year. At our senior commissioning we invite our college leaders onstage with other church leaders and families to pray over our graduates, and then give our college ministry ample time to share during the reception. This has already started to reap rewards as many of our graduates are already attending our college ministry.

You Are Not Alone: What to Do When You Feel Like It

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Ministry can be a really lonely place sometimes; especially when you’re going through hardships, difficulties, loss, and trials. This loneliness can look different for each of us. You could be the only youth pastor in a small town. You may be on a team but no one really knows you. You may be critiqued and ridiculed by leadership. You might have been told you won’t amount to much or you’ve hit your glass ceiling. Or perhaps you believe you aren’t good enough or have failed.

There are so many reasons that ministry can feel very lonely. And those reasons are only compounded further when there are difficult moments and trials. When you feel alone and then have to walk through your own trial or help someone through theirs, it’s depleting and alienating because it compounds the feeling of isolation.

Have you been there? Are you there now? Whether you have been there or you are there, this post is for you. It’s also for those of you who haven’t been there yet, because you can serve as a place of refuge and a loving support to those who are. The points below aren’t all-encompassing; they are designed to provide hope, encouragement, and community.

Remember that you are seen, valued, and loved.

It would be easy to default to saying, “God knows what you’re going through and loves you.” And while yes, it is true, for those experiencing periods of isolation and loneliness, it just rings a little hollow. You know it to be true, but there is a part of us that also wants the broader community to say it to us as well. We are relational beings and as such we want people to love and value us as well.

When we are in the throes of isolation we often obtain blinders that convince us no one cares or loves us, and that is a lie from the depths of hell. People don’t always say it, but they do see and love you. It isn’t always easy when it isn’t said or seen, but don’t believe the lie that no one cares. In fact, as you’re reading this, know that we love and care about you! We are in your corner and for you!

Build networks.

There are so many great ways to build a network. Depending on your context this can be through local youth ministry networks. Many towns that have multiple youth ministries actually have regular gatherings of youth workers for encouragement and fellowship. If you’re unsure if one exists, contact another youth worker to see if they know of one. Should there not be one, perhaps you could be the catalyst to the beginning of a network in your area.

Another option could be a denominational network. Many denominations have semi-regular gatherings and different ministries within the denomination also have regular meet-ups. Check and see what your denomination offers and consider jumping into those networks.

There are other opportunities like cohorts, conferences, and mentorships that will help you grow and develop as well as provide meaningful opportunities for fellowship and community. Other networks could include social media groups, but be cautious as many can be contentious and filled with heated debates as well as not necessarily afford you a true and authentic network.

Find community.

Networks and community can go hand-in-hand, but sometimes certain networks may not provide the community you need for a variety of reasons. So how do you find needed community no matter what setting you are in?

First, I would encourage you to find people with whom you can be authentic. Identify friends who you don’t have to present a certain way to, people you don’t need to be a pastor for. That way you can come and be wholly you with complete authenticity. Second, you may need to look outside your physical community. Sometimes, especially in smaller communities, you may feel like you cannot be fully authentic because everyone is connected to your church in some way. In those cases, you will need to look regionally or even broader. In those cases, you may find community through networks like cohorts, conferences, or online communities.

If you’re looking for a cohort that offers training and equipping as well as community and relationships, let me encourage you to check out Slingshot and connect with our friend Brian Aaby. Brian led a cohort that I was able to be a part of and that cohort changed my life. Aside from excellent coaching, training, and equipping, I have made lifelong friendships with some of the most amazing people.

Another awesome resource for community is being developed and launched by our friend Tim Eldred called The Authentic Pastor. This amazing resource provides a podcast, coaching, online community, and more. This is something Elise and I believe in so much that we have provided a review and are honored to contribute to.

I also want to remind you that Elise and I are here for you as well. This isn’t just a blog, it is a place to come and find community and refreshment. Our goal at Kalos is to build up a beautiful community that empowers and strengthens each member in their ministry, gifting, and calling. Simply put: we’ve got your back and are in your corner! You have a community here that is for you. You can always reach out to through our contact page and we are happy to encourage and walk with you.

Take a step of faith.

This is a broad statement that many could interpret different ways, so allow me to unpack it. First, maybe the step of faith is searching for community. Sometimes we default to the expectation that community should come to us. But community is a two way street. There are times we must step out and find that community for ourselves. It isn’t easy, especially when you serve in ministry because people tend to come to you. Now you may have to go find others for that community.

The second way I would interpret this statement is through the lens of asking, “Is this God’s way of helping me find what’s next in my ministry journey?” Sometimes we need more than a gentle nudging from God to see where He is calling us next. And often times, God allows us to walk through hardship to see the good and the hope He has prepared for us. Don’t read into that statement that you walk alone, because God often times is carrying you through those moments. So ask yourself, is God moving me to see where He is directing me?

Ask why you feel this way.

One of the best things you can do in these moments is self-assess. Sometimes it is helpful to step back and look at what is happening with a fresh set of eyes and an objective motivation. Doing this allows us to see what is really going on and hopefully begin to identify not only why this is happening but to also look toward a solution.

Sometimes we may be lonely due to our own busyness. Other times we may be lonely because we are the outsider in a tight-knit community. We may be lonely because the church is showing us the door. You may also be lonely if your age demographic isn’t represented. Looking at what is happening and asking why you feel this way, allows you to begin to address what is happening and move toward a healthy solution. It doesn’t mean you will like what you find or be excited (at first) about the solution. But it will help you grow and heal as you identify and move toward that goal.

Meet with a counselor.

Having a counselor is a blessing! In a position where we are often serving as a counselor to so many, having someone you can go to and be fully honest with is an amazing gift. When you are feeling alone and isolated, a counselor is a safe person with whom you can share and be honest about how you are feeling. Not only are they a safe person, they will also help you identify why you feel this way and help you move toward a healthy and beneficial solution.

Now I know not everyone has the luxury of finding a licensed, Christian-based counselor in their community for a variety of reasons. But there are other options as telahealth has truly grown by leaps and bounds. And one of the ways it has grown is through online counseling. There’s a Christian community of biblically sound Christian counselors at Faithful Counseling and it’s a wonderful place to get connected. Now you may be thinking, “What if the person I get paired with doesn’t understand me?” Great question! You can switch at any time without any additional cost. This is a win-win opportunity as you are connected with someone who loves and cares for you and will guide you toward healthy solutions.

As you’re finishing reading this post I want you to know three things: you are loved, you are not alone, and we are here for you! Know that you matter and you are here for a purpose. We are for you. We love you!

Book Review: She Deserves Better

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I’m back and reviewing another highly-recommended book by the team that brought us The Great Sex Rescue. As a regular listener to Sheila Wray Gregoire’s Bare Marriage podcast, and a survivor of growing up in purity culture, I was so excited to hear about–and get my hands on–her team’s new book, She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self & Speaking Up (written by Sheila, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky). And once I did, I was not disappointed.

Since this blog is dedicated to youth ministry and those serving within that context, let me start by saying up front, you need to read this book regardless of your gender, role within the church, or parental status. Yes, it is written in a format for mothers to read and discuss with their daughters. However, if you work with young people in any context, you need to take time to read, think through, and reckon with the topics discussed in She Deserves Better. Unfortunately, certain harmful messages and teachings have been accepted as Bible fact, and been propagated through the church for decades, and it’s time for that to end.

In She Deserves Better, the authors deal with topics surrounding girls’ faith, well-being and self esteem, emotional health, respect and boundaries, dating and identifying of toxic relationship traits, sex education and consent, and existing as a person who is allowed to take up space. Within each chapter they unpack harmful teachings from a biblical, evidenced-based perspective with scientific facts, personal stories, and examples from their surveys of thousands of women. And they particularly focus on church-based contexts, which most often involve youth group experiences.

Undoubtedly, there will be parts of this book that make some readers uncomfortable. If you’ve been drinking purity culture Kool-Aid all your life, some of these conversations may make you cringe, or make you feel like purity culture and its teachings are being attacked. But here’s the thing, if we begin to uncover things that are proven to be systemically harmful to others, we have a responsibility to do something about it. That may include painful introspection as we think about the messages we’ve preached. It may include dealing with how we have treated or silenced others along the way. And for some, it may include unlearning teachings that have been ingrained in us since birth.

Some of us could easily sit back and say, “purity culture didn’t directly harm me,” or “I thought this was biblical,” or worse yet, claim we didn’t know better and therefore are excused. But these things are no longer an excuse to continue down a destructive road or turn a blind eye to it. We should know better, we do know better, and now it’s time to do better, both for the next generation, but also the countless women who need help deconstructing layers of shame, assault, and toxic teachings. She Deserves Better starts us down the road to do just that. 

If you are a parent, I encourage you to invest in this book and use it to have conversations with your children (girls and boys, because heaven knows we need to raise up men who know how to treat women). If you are a pastor, youth pastor, or lay leader, please invest in this book, not just to share with parents, though that is strongly encouraged, but also to help educate yourself. If you are leading parents and students in any capacity, these topics will come up. The best thing you can do is educate yourself so that you can handle them correctly and well.

If you aren’t a parent or a “youth person,” but you came out of purity culture scarred and broken, I would also encourage you to give the gift of this book to yourself. Let yourself unpack the baggage, begin to heal the wounds, reteach your younger self, and move forward with freedom in Christ. Many of the issues unpacked in She Deserves Better boil down to mistreatment of women within church culture. And if that has been your experience, I am so deeply sorry and I carry that pain with you. You didn’t deserve it, and you don’t deserve it now. As the book states, you deserve better.

May we have the courage to collectively work to build a better world for girls and women, with the church leading the way. This book is just one step on that journey, but it is a big step, and I invite you to take it with us.

5 Tips for Hosting an End of the School Year Celebration

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We recently capped off our school year by hosting our “End of the Year Celebration.” We had local ice cream and other snacks, games, Drift Trikes, music, and small groups. It was an absolute blast with so many fun moments and memories.

Our rhythm has been that we scale back summer programming because we live in a tourist area. Our local populace leaves for vacation as the tourists come in, which presents unique circumstances to contend with. Our ministry engages the summer in a way that allows us to best minister to our students and families by hosting specific gatherings, events, and by incorporating different summer trips.

I know that not all of us enter the end of the school year in the same way. Many ministries run a full program year-round, so thinking about a year-end celebration may not sound like something you would host. But I would still encourage you, regardless of your ministry rhythms, to highlight the end of the school year for your students. There are certain milestones in our students’ lives that are important, but often slip by unnoticed, and this is one of them. Being able to recognize their hard work and achievement, and to celebrate the start of a new season, is important and will show them love and care.

If you host celebrations like these, how do you ensure they are successful and meaningful for your students while still supporting the vision and mission of your program? I want to share a few tips I have learned over the years that help to ensure that these moments are truly successful for your ministry, your leaders, and your students.

1. Make it relational and fun.

Year-end celebrations should be highly relational and centered around bringing students together to recognize the milestone. These are celebratory opportunities to engage and have fun with your students as they do the same with their friends. The end of the school year can be hyper-stressful and busy. Simply creating a space to have fun and celebrate with people who love and care about them gives students an opportunity to relax and feel seen and loved.

The focus of these celebrations should be about connection and community. So seek to have activities that bring people together, create moments for small groups to connect, provide free snacks, and encourage your leaders to hang out and connect with their students.

2. Utilize local resources.

One of my favorite things to do it support local small businesses whenever possible. We recently had a new ice creamery open in one of our nearby communities and we have partnered with them with great success. It isn’t just the local partnership that makes this a success. It’s the fact that our students know and love the ice creamery and when we announce we have them coming to an event, they are instantly excited and invite their friends. When you know your community resources and which ones attract students, you can utilize that resource to bless and engage your community.

3. Incorporate music, games, and activities.

One of the best things you can do is think about what type of environment you want for this event and what type of environment will bring in your students. One big thing you can do is have music playing that is fun and upbeat. Music helps to create an atmosphere and helps to ensure that there aren’t moments of awkward silence.

Think through the games and activities you’d like to have to celebrate this moment. You could have organized games or it could just be a free time type of night where students get to choose between multiple activities. I would also encourage you to not forget the students who aren’t game or large activity types of people. It is so important that those students know they are welcomed and valued in these moments. This could be as simple as setting up tables away from loud activities and speakers–but still within the space that everything is happening–which have board games, fidgets, coloring books, and other fun activities.

4. Make sure to speak truth to and pray for your students.

One of the things we need to remember is summer isn’t always fun or easy for all of our students. In fact, summer can be really difficult for students. There may be tensions and difficulties at home, they may lose a large piece of their community, there are shifts to rhythms and changes in schedules, there are decisions to be made about their future, and so many other factors competing for their focus. This isn’t true for all of our students, but it is important to remember these things because as we focus on the spiritual piece.

Make sure to carve out time speak a word of Biblical encouragement to your students and to pray for them. This doesn’t need to be a 45-minute lesson; it can be short and sweet but intentional and relationally-focused. The more authentic and intentional this time is, the more students will feel seen and understood.

5. Honor your leaders.

In as much as this is an event and celebration for your students, for many ministries these celebrations only happen because of your volunteers. So I would encourage you to find a way to honor and celebrate them in front of your students. This has a twofold benefit: it shows your leaders how appreciative you are of them, and it shows your students how important your leaders are. You are creating a culture that values leaders and students and highlights the necessity of a discipleship-centered ministry. All of this takes place as you point to your leaders and acknowledge them, their sacrifices, and their hard work.

What to do When Ministry Hurts

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This weekend is Mother’s Day, and can I be honest? I really don’t like this weekend or Father’s Day either. Not because I don’t like my parents, I love them to death. But because this is a hard time for Elise and I as we walk through the infertility journey.

Celebrating with others is hard. Watching all the moms get flowers, cards, and brunch dates is difficult as we sit in our pew waiting and hoping. It’s hard when people ask me questions like, “Don’t you want kids?” Or, “How are you able to lead our kids when you don’t have your own?” In so many ways we can feel unseen and alone.

These questions aren’t unique to Elise and I. Many of us who serve in ministry have been hurt by insensitive or calloused remarks. Things like, “When will you grow up and be a real pastor?” “Youth ministry is just childcare for teenagers.” “Oh you went on a retreat…guess you used up your vacation time.” “Do you really think you’re called to be in ministry?” Or, “You’re a woman, you can’t be a pastor.”

Words matter, and the words we share have great power and impact. I’m not saying anything that those of us in ministry don’t already know. We know the power of words, how they can build up and make you feel on top of the world, and how they can rip your heart out and make you feel like nothing. Ministry hurts sometimes. I don’t think it’s always intentional, but it can often feel like it is crushing your soul. But should we just give up? Should we just roll over? Do we just take it on the chin? What do we do when ministry is hard?

Lean into your networks.

One of the best things I’ve done in ministry is get connected with people who are in similar life circumstances and ministry careers. Being able to talk to people who understand the complexities of ministry and working within a church is huge, especially when they are third parties. They are there to walk with you, love you, and challenge you. These are the people who are in your corner and will have your back.

Find solace in the communities you trust.

In the networks and communities you have, you will most likely find people who you can relate to and connect with in deeper ways. When I joined my cohort in 2021, I never considered how deep and meaningful those relationships would become. But even within that cohort, I connected at a deeper level with two others and as we grew in our friendships we were shocked at how similar our stories were. Because of that unique bond we were able to love, support, and challenge one another on a deeper level. Within your communities you will find people with whom you connect on a deeper level and those who can be an even stronger, supportive community.

Model a caring community to others.

Sometimes dealing with hurt, especially when it’s coming from within a church or ministry, means you need to be able to explain and model what a caring community looks like. Here is what I mean by saying this: sometimes people, and even church communities, don’t know or understand that what they are saying, doing, or implying is actually causing hurt. Whether it’s out of ignorance or lack of understanding, people can do and say things that hurt. Because of this, we may need to model and educate what a truly caring community looks like. In doing this, it isn’t about trying to be smarter or better but instead about helping your communities grow and become more like Jesus in how they love and care for one another. This isn’t easy, but it is something that could truly help generate change and growth.

Be honest with yourself.

There are times I just want to dismiss hurtful things that are said or done. I just want to push it down and pretend like it doesn’t hurt. But the more we dismiss our emotions or push them down to a place we think they won’t return from, the more we are hurting ourselves. It is okay to be honest, to say how you feel or how things have effected you. It’s not wrong to emote and display what you’re feeling. It’s not okay to bury those feelings or to lash out which will happen when you keep trying to push those emotions down.

So be honest with yourself and those closest to you. Let your feelings, emotions, and thoughts be known. If you’re hurting it’s okay to let that hurt be known to yourself and those closest to you. I will say this: it is okay to be honest with those who have said or done things to you (whether unintentionally or intentionally), but be mindful of how you do it and what you say. Words and approach matter deeply, especially when you’re in a leadership position. It doesn’t mean not sharing how you’re feeling, it means doing it in a way that helps them to understand and prayerfully evoke change.

Talk to a counselor.

One of the best things I have done since moving to Pennsylvania is start to see a counselor. It’s honestly helped me in so many ways. It allowed me to address past trauma, to understand the hurt I’ve experienced from churches, how to share my emotions and feelings with Elise, and how to handle different moments that arise each day that often seem out of my control (because they are). I know that in some ways there is still a stigma attached to seeing a counselor, but this will be something that truly will help you process and work through the hurt in your life. It isn’t a one-and-done type scenario. It may take months or years, but ultimately it will help you understand and heal from the hurt that you’ve experienced.

Be honest with your spouse and protect your family.

Sometimes we try to mask our pain from our spouse and family because we think are protecting them. Other times we mask the hurt to keep them from experiencing that same hurt and becoming embittered toward the church. However, that response is not only unhealthy and self-destructive, it will also harm the relationships you have with your family. They aren’t immune to the hurt you’re experiencing, and even when we think we hide it well, we really don’t. Being able to share where you’re at with your spouse and in appropriate measures with the rest of your family allows you to have a safe place, a place of respite.

Listen to honest critique and trusted people.

I’m not always the best at receiving critiques and criticism. It usually sits with me for a long time and I tend to over process what was shared and allow it to affect me in ways it shouldn’t. But I’ve learned that when I have trusted people in my life who I know are for me, I can hear their insight and critique better. When it comes to working in ministry we will often hear criticism, both helpful and not. But when we hear it, we should measure it and see if it is helpful and true. And sometimes figuring this out means going to those you trust and asking for insight even if it isn’t the insight you want. When you have trusted people you can go to, it helps you to self-reflect and self-assess to find ways that you may need to grow and mature. Bringing in trusted people gives you a safe place to process and grow.

7 Keys to a Successful Fundraiser

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We just wrapped up our fundraiser for this year and it was one of the best ones yet! Not because of the money we raised–we won’t even total that up until later this week–but because of what the fundraiser accomplished and did for our students and our church.

It’s moments like these where I swell with pride as I watch my students serve, give, and live missionally. They were given a challenge and they rose to meet it! Don’t get me wrong, I was exhausted after the fundraiser and I napped hard when I got home, but this fundraiser was a true success for us.

I often ponder why the metrics we use to weigh the success of a fundraiser typically center on finances or on how many people show up. For our group, success isn’t focused on the money raised or the numbers but on how our students are able to serve and love others, and by how the fundraiser helps our church live out our mission. Looking at what occurred at our fundraiser, that’s why I believe we succeeded and will see huge benefits because of what happened.

Today, I want to highlight seven keys to a successful fundraiser and why these are important not just to your ministry but to your church overall.

1. Over-communicate.

This is something we need to do for our leaders, students, families, and our church community. Over-communicate what you’re doing, when you’re training, what roles students will have. The clearer and more concise the directions the better but remember that over-communication isn’t about inundating people’s inboxes with information. It’s about finding a balance: clearly sharing the information that’s needed and in the right methods.

Send emails or letters no more than once a week. Communicate all necessary information at training sessions and give handouts. Make sure you have leader meetings to be clear on what they need to know. When it comes to sharing with the church, think about the different ways you have to share information: mailers, emails, newsletters, bulletins, slides, announcements on stage, yard signs, knocking on doors, or whatever other ways there are to dispurse information. The ability to leverage multiple opportunities will help ensure that your message is heard and received.

2. Set clear expectations.

Working with students has taught me a lot but something I learned very quickly is the importance of clear expectations and rules. I was running a game one time and I thought I had all the rules figured out, when halfway through one of the junior guys let me and the whole group know I was wrong because he googled the answer. Well I very quickly instituted a no phones rule for our games to make sure that didn’t happen again. What I learned is that expectations are highly important and even when we think students aren’t listening, they actually are. Setting clear expectations and guidelines will help not only your fundraiser succeed but your students as well. You are setting them up for success and giving them the parameters in order to do so.

3. Focus on creating community and fostering relationships.

One of the things I love to do with student fundraisers is find ways for them to engage in inter-generational moments with the larger church body. Whether it’s having them serve together, finding ways to engage in conversations, or having older generations pray over students, these are opportunities that will help relationships and community flourish in your church. The more intentional we are at helping to develop relationships and community, the more we will see buy-in to the mission and vision of the church as well as student ministry. When people are able to grow together as a community it fosters unity and a desire to see the Gospel go forth.

4. Tell stories.

This is something I love to do. Most people know that I love to tell stories and incorporate them into teaching opportunities. I think there is an inherent beauty and strength to sharing stories because they bring people in, showcase the needs of others, and highlight the work of God in people’s lives. I think that’s partly why Jesus used stories throughout His ministry.

When we tell stories of lives that have been changed (think about your students’ lives and the lives of those you served) it allows you to show people the power of the Gospel and the necessity of student mission trips. Telling stories also provides a creative way to ask for support. Rather than simply asking people to give, you are painting a picture about why they should give because you’re showing what their giving has accomplished.

5. Utilize training sessions.

Before any fundraiser it is imperative that you take your team through training. These trainings aren’t meant to just be informational, but should also focus on team building and unity. When you can approach training with a desire to see your students succeed and to help them grow in their relationship with Jesus, it helps to shift the focus of the time. Sessions aren’t simply focused on telling students what to do or not to do. Instead, they’re focused on helping your students to mature in their relationship with Jesus as they care about and serve others.

6. Foster discipleship opportunities.

I love watching leaders pour into the lives of students, especially when the relationships are inter-generational. But even more encouraging has been watching our church community love, support, and intentionally invest in the lives of students. I’ve witnessed older adults engage with our students and build ongoing relationships where they continue to pour into their lives and support them even beyond high school. These are moments that are pivotal for students and will help them grow in their relationship with Jesus. Thinking about how you can foster these relationships will help to strengthen your group as a whole.

7. Incorporate prayer.

One of the things we highlight in our fundraising efforts is that the fundraiser isn’t just about financial support. Prayer support is vital to our mission succeeding and because of that we must be intentional in garnering the prayer support necessary for our trips. You can incorporate prayer in other ways as well. Ask students to pray at meetings and training sessions, hand out prayer cards at fundraisers, have leaders or staff or elders pray over your students at fundraisers, or even have your students pray for the church. These moments will help your students not only grow in their faith journey but will also help them to see the power and necessity of prayer in each of our lives.