Tag: Volunteers

5 Ways to Listen Well

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Have you ever been a part of a conversation where it was obvious that the other person wasn’t listening? Perhaps you noticed a glazed look that came over the other person. Or maybe you were able to tell that you weren’t heard by the response the other person gave. Did someone continually try to tell you how to fix the problem but didn’t actually know what the problem was because they never let you fully share what was happening?

I think many—if not all—of us have experienced a time when we weren’t heard. But allow me to pose a different question within the same topic: have you ever been guilty of not listening well? Hits a little different doesn’t it? If we were all to take a deeper look into our own interactions we may notice that we are just as guilty of not always listening well.

So the question before us is simple to state but perhaps more complex in the intentionality we must implement: how do we listen well? I want to share a few simple ways to do this, but also to highlight that these aren’t fix-alls. It starts with our heart and intentionality in building authentic relationships that honor and dignify both individuals as we seek to reflect the love and personhood of Jesus.

1. Listen to understand not problem solve.

If you’re like me, you may be someone who wants to fix whatever problem you are given. However, some people just want you to listen, understand, and empathize with them. When we listen to fix the problem we will miss what the actual problem is, we devalue the other person by not actually listening to them, and we are looking to make ourselves the hero rather than just a friend. Instead we should listen to understand which values the other person and builds trust and rapport between both of you.

2. Ask clarifying questions.

Listening well means you are seeking clarity and understanding. In order to accomplish that well, we need to ask clarifying questions. This highlights that you were listening and that you truly want to understand what is happening as you walk in community with the other person.

3. Allow people to finish their thoughts.

I find myself often wanting to jump into a conversation before I should. I assert my thoughts before the other person has finished talking. I try to finish other people’s sentences, and I try to discern where the conversation is going before it actually arrives at that point.

But there is an inherent problem in all of these above things: it tells the other person their perspectives, thoughts, and insights do not matter because you have it all figured out. It actually devalues them and elevates us. Instead we should seek to truly listen and allow others to fully articulate themselves as we seek to understand.

4. Be fully present and not distracted.

It is so easy to get distracted during conversations. There’s things happening around us, different noises, technology, phones and watches buzzing, and a litany of other things competing for our time and attention. Many of us have experienced people being distracted while we talk to them and we know how that makes us feel. That means we should strive to do the opposite as we care well for our people.

We should be present and do whatever we can to minimize distractions. That can be switching on “do not disturb” on our devices, shutting a door, putting our backs to distractions, or anything else that will help us to focus and be present.

5. Be responsive.

When we are actively engaged in listening well, we should show that in our actions, reactions, facial expressions, and verbal responses. When we respond to what people say, it helps to highlight our engagement and attention to the other person. This comes through our body language, shifting our positions, leaning into the conversation, giving verbal responses, appropriate emotional responses, and making sure we are looking at the other person.

The more we listen well the more we will see our relationships flourish and grow in authenticity as we seek to love and value others.

Quick Tip: Caring for Leaders

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Have you ever had a leader experience loss? How did you respond? Has a leader on your team ever had a surgery or prolonged illness? Was there a celebratory moment like a college or graduate school graduation? Has there been a birth or adoption within your community?

When it comes to caring for our people, we need to practice intentional community and support for them. Often we can default to monetary care, and while that can be a part of caring well, we can and should be thinking about different opportunities to love and support our community. But what are some additional ways to care well during difficult or celebratory moments?

  1. Send a personal handwritten note or card.
  2. Pray with and for the individual.
  3. Visit with them and make sure you have allotted the appropriate amount of time to visit.
  4. Send flowers and/or balloons.
  5. Send a gift card to your local supermarket or DoorDash to help provide meals.
  6. Start a meal train and bring a meal by yourself.
  7. Encourage your youth group to write cards to the individual.
  8. Put together a gift basket with contributions from your leaders and/or youth group.
  9. Help out with any service projects around the home and encourage your students to help with these.
  10. Check in and see if they need help with childcare or pet sitting.
  11. Ask families to contribute to any of the above ideas.

These aren’t meant to be a catch all, but instead to challenge us to think creatively when it comes to caring well for our people. We want them to know they are seen, loved, and missed and these are just some options that help us to think outside of our normal ways of doing things.

Quick Tip: Build Authentic Friendships

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Ministry is lonely. There’s no denying it. Depending on your context and setting, it may be felt in substantially larger ways.

In my context it seems like everyone knows me because of my job. It’s always, “Hi, Nick” in the supermarket or “Hello, pastor” at the gas station. The reality is that it’s often hard to build authentic friendships in my context because I’m always seen as a “pastor” rather than just another person trying to follow Jesus and be authentic with others.

If I’m honest, that reality actually led me to keep authentic friendships at arms length for a very long time, which led to increased loneliness that grew exponentially during the global pandemic. That became the tipping point for me and I realized I truly needed to have authentic friendships in order to continue to not just make it through life but also to thrive.

That meant I needed to take a risk and realize that I would have to open myself up to others and deal with past hurt from other friendships. In doing so, I had to identify that not every friendship will work out, nor will every friend hurt me like some had in the past. If you’ve been hurt or betrayed, you know just how difficult it is to open yourself up again, and the entire premise of this article probably leaves you feeling anxious and unsure.

I get it. Even as I write this, I can’t help but rehash past friendships that left me hurt and broken. But can I offer you some hope? There are authentic and meaningful friendships that exist and can offer the healing, community, and depth that we all need.

Let me also encourage you to look for friendships outside of your normal contexts. Yes, look within your communities and church, but recognize you may need to look elsewhere. Sometimes you need a safe place to process and be honest about work and what is happening within that context.

Consider reaching out to other youth workers in your community. Join a cohort. Find networks in your area. Utilize social media groups to find ways to connect with others. Consider reaching out to friends from college. Connect with coaching organizations and see if they have networks. Talk to former youth pastors and see if they could be mentors and friends. Reach out to your denomination (if you’re a part of one) and ask about connection opportunities. The broader your target, the more potential you have to find something that works.

Yes, there is risk with this but I can promise you the reward is great. I’ve been able to build lasting friendships from cohorts, college, and within our church community. All of which have been of great benefit to me and I am forever grateful.

Let me encourage and challenge you to seek out friendships that allow you and the other person(s) to truly be authentic and be for one another. Take a risk and be willing to trust others. You’ll be the better for it.

Encouraging Your Leaders to Rest

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I don’t know if you have leaders like I do, but I’ve noticed that my leaders tend to give 110% all year long. They show up not just when we have programming, but they also go to activities, stay late or come in early to talk to students, engage over the phone and social media, and put in countless hours on trips.

But have you ever considered encouraging them to take a break? I know that for some of you this is an obvious “yes” but for others it’s probably a “no.” I’ve worked in environments where the expectations on leaders is they keep showing up year round and if they had to take a break it was frowned upon. And then others where there’s no structure and people just come and go.

What I’m arguing for is a balanced approach where there is structure and expectations but not to the degree of overworking or burning out our people. We need to actually encourage them and challenge them to pause and refresh so they are the best version of themselves and ready to pour into our students. But how do we do that?

Model it.

Pause and consider this for a second. Do you model resting well? Are you showing your people that taking a Sabbath isn’t just a good thing but something we are commanded to do by God? Have you taken breaks, retreats, or a rest day? If we aren’t modeling resting well to our people, then why should they rest?

We need to highlight, talk about, and model rest to our people. Help them to know how to rest well. Show them that resting isn’t quitting. Help them to see why we all need to rest.

Encourage it.

This is similar to modeling rest, but it’s now being spoken out loud. Talk about rest. Highlight its importance. Bring it up in group settings and in one on one conversations. By encouraging rest, we are helping to keep our leaders from overworking, overcommitting, and burning out.

It is a preemptive approach and a biblical one that we often push to the side. So by highlighting and talking about it, we are encouraging our leaders to be more in tune with living as Jesus has called us to live.

Respect boundaries.

This is key! When was the last time someone texted or called you on your day off? Or maybe the question is this: when did you last check your work inbox or think about all the stuff you had to do at work on your day off?

The truth is we aren’t always great at respecting our own boundaries, so why do we think we will respect them period? What we need to do is start setting boundaries for ourselves, and by modeling that to others and encouraging them to have boundaries, we are helping them to build rhythms of rest into their lives.

Encourage them to have “do not disturb” set on their phones. Challenge them to disconnect at times. Remind them that they don’t need to be all things to all people which means they don’t always have to respond. Help them to be present in the moments rather than always be engaged outside of the moment (i.e. when you’re with family, you are fully present with them). These rhythms will help them to breathe, pause, and rest in ways that we should.

Schedule breaks.

One practical way you can help your leaders rest is by intentionally scheduling breaks for your program. Take time off around major holidays, take a break before or after a trip, consider shifting summer programming, or just schedule regular sabbaths in for the team. When you incorporate intentional breaks and communicate the “why” behind the break, you’re caring well for your team and helping them embrace rest.

Communicate the “why.”

Just like I shared above, communicating the “why” behind rest periods is essential. You’re highlighting your reasoning, the biblical support, and the value this is for your ministry, leaders, and families. So when you communicate this, remember to communicate not just to leaders but also to families. Help them to see the why, and encourage them to rest as well.

Resource: Gen Alpha Report from One Hope

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I always try to stay up to date on how culture is shifting, what students are engaged in, and what future generations are turning to. I am also always on the lookout for free resources; we all know that money is tight in student ministry. So when those two pieces come together, I jump at the opportunity to gain resources, insight, and equipping.

Enter One Hope. I wasn’t super familiar with this ministry until recently, but found out about it through an email blast from one of their ministry partners. They sent out an email with a title asking, “Want to know more about gen alpha for free?”

Of course I had to check it out. And what I found was a great resource that is rooted in research and diligent study of this upcoming generation. One Hope’s mission is “to affect destiny by providing God’s eternal Word to all the children and youth of the world.” With a mission statement like that, and by doing some digging on their website, I knew I had to check out this report.

In order to download the report all you need to do is go to this link and enter just your name and email address. A few moments later check your inbox for the full sixty three page report. This is a great resource that is highly informative and provides insight into not just the habits and rhythms of Generation Alpha, but also insight into how they engage with media, families, and faith.

I’ll be honest, there was information that I found to be very helpful as we lead and care for the upcoming generations. As we seek to reach students where they are at, it is helpful to know how they are viewing their lives, relationships, and faith because it allows us to help shepherd and disciple them and their families. This report provides us with a wealth of knowledge and ways to practically engage with our students.

You may not agree with all the findings, or perhaps you haven’t yet seen some of these perspectives pop up in your ministry just yet. But knowledge and insight are powerful tools that allow us to grow and pour into our students in effective and beneficial ways. My encouragement would be to download and read the report and think critically about how we can care well for Generation Alpha as we continue to point them to Jesus.

Quick Tip: Be Flexible

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Have you ever had to call an audible during programming? Have things ever not gone according to plan? Has life changed how things were going to go on a Sunday morning?

One of the things we train our volunteers and students (especially those going on summer trips) on is being flexible. Life happens. Schedules change and evolve. Things don’t go according to plan.

But what about for you? What I’ve come to realize about myself is that I can preach flexibility until I’m blue in the face but practicing it personally is difficult for me. If I build out a schedule for youth group, I want to follow it. If there’s a plan, I want to make sure we see it through to completion.

But what about when our people need us? What about the student who shows up to youth group hurting and needs more than a quick chat to navigate a difficult circumstance? Or when things don’t go according to plan because of a power outage, computer crash, or another unforeseen circumstance?

I’m not advocating for not having a plan, but instead to hold things loosely. Be available when someone needs you even if that means changes to programming. Sit with people longer even if it means not being a part of the normal activities.

Allow for there to be a contingency if things don’t go as planned. And remember that we are simply vessels that Christ uses to accomplish His plan. It doesn’t start or end with us, we are simply along for the ride.

Step back and allow the Spirit to be at work and hold everything with open hands knowing that God’s plan is greater than ours. Allow Him to use you and be flexible with the changes, shifts, and unknowns that can and will come up in ministry.

Resource: FYI Report on Youth Leader Burnout & Wellbeing

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I love getting resources whether they are digital or physical. I’m the guy who is always signing up to get newsletters, promotional materials, and always looking for a free t-shirt or hat. But aside from the random freebies and additions to my closet, I’m also on the lookout for resources that help me grow as a youth pastor, an individual, and as a disciple of Jesus.

One of the resources I recently obtained had to do with the holistic health of student pastors, put out by the Fuller Youth Institute. Back in the days of the Youth Specialities annual conference, I signed up to receive their emails and digital resources, and I can honestly say I’ve never been disappointed with what they send.

This last week I had an email from FYI pop into my inbox with this title: “🚨 ALERT: High burnout month ahead!” I’ll be honest, the title immediately grabbed my attention and upon reading it I saw that it contained an amazing free resource. The “FYI Report on Youth Leader Burnout & Wellbeing” is available as a free download at this link. You will need to enter your name and email info, but I can promise you that it is totally worth it.

Right on the sign up page for the free download, Fuller Youth Institute gives you a brief preview of what’s in their report. It includes “the latest research on the experiences of today’s youth leaders, firsthand insight and stories, tips for developing strategies, and practical recommendations.” What I can tell you is if you thought that sounds good, the report is a hundred times better.

Fuller’s report is constructed in an easy-to-read way, filled with stats and solid research, punctuated by real life experiences from many different youth leaders, investigative in its approach, and encouraging and challenging in its challenge to youth leaders, churches, and church staff. At the end of the day this report is encouraging because while it focuses on the realities of burnout amongst youth workers, it doesn’t claim that as the end result.

Instead, it highlights how we can overcome and avoid that result so we can thrive in our roles. The encouragement to pastors and church leaders is also beneficial as it provides them with thoughtful and practical ways to come alongside youth workers as they walk with them and encourage them.

All in all, this is an amazing resource to read through and be aware of. The end game may still be a struggle, especially if you don’t have support in your role. But this report helps you to see you aren’t alone and provides solid responses to help you thrive in your position.

It also equips you with resources to highlight the necessity of partnership within the church that may help others come alongside of you. I just wouldn’t recommend passive aggressively placing this in your senior pastor’s mailbox. Instead, consider sharing it with them over coffee or lunch, or doing the same with an elder or two. The more relationally intentional you are in sharing this with leadership, the greater the potential they will listen and respond.

So what are you waiting for? Go download this report now!

Quick Tip: Giving Students Ownership

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We are preparing for a special immersive experience the week before Easter for our student ministry. Our church creates a walkthrough Easter Experience that leads people through a wonderful interactive engagement with the story of Easter and the profound truths of the Gospel.

We have tried a few times to provide opportunities for our students to walk through the experience, but they haven’t worked out for a variety of reasons. This year we think we have it figured out: we are creating interactive stations and opportunities for our students to engage with what they learned alongside of their small groups.

One of the elements we are seeking to incorporate into this evening is a time of musical worship. But here’s the problem: my staff team isn’t equipped or gifted in leading worship. So we were faced with a conundrum: who will lead this?

Our worship teams are extremely busy with Easter, so we couldn’t ask them. Most people we talked to were busy that week. Then it hit us; we have students who are gifted musicians, so why not give them the opportunity? We talked to a handful of students and they jumped at the opportunity to serve and lead their peers in this way.

You want to know what happened in that moment? I was reminded that when students are given the opportunity, they will rise to the occasion. When presented with the ability to lead and disciple their peers our students are ready, willing, and capable to stand up and lead as disciples of Jesus.

Students are powerhouses when you give them the opportunity. Yes, they are young and immature. Yes, this may cause you a bit more work and require flexibility. And yes, at times they will fail. But how is this different from anyone else, including ourselves?

When given the opportunity, and with the right guidance, students can and will rise to the occasion. My encouragement today is simply this: give them ownership. Give them a chance.

When you afford students the opportunity to own their youth group you are generating excitement, buy-in, and unity for your ministry. Students who can take a leadership role will invite their peers. They will seek to help others be a part of your vision, mission, and values. And they will develop into the leaders you have been longing for.

This isn’t a mindset for a certain type or size of student ministry. This is an opportunity and a calling to invest in the next generation in tangible ways. This can and will look different from ministry to ministry, but we must ask ourselves if we are doing this.

Are we developing our students into leaders and providing them with ownership of our ministries? When we do this, we had better be ready, because I can promise you one thing for certain: God will move in and through these students and we will see them shake the world for His kingdom.

Quick Tip: Preparing Your Budget

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Depending how your church’s fiscal calendar works, you may be in the early stages of preparing your budget for the next year. Our church just walked through preliminary budget conversations with each ministry and this year we had to start from scratch and account for each budget line.

This may sound tedious and scary, but our team has done well at tracking our budget and accounting for all of our expenses over the past few years so building from the ground up was not as difficult as it may seem. But when we heard that we had to account for everything and substantiate why it was needed for the ministry, it caused us to pause and wonder if budgets were going to be cut.

Typically budget meetings, especially for youth ministries, can be scary because we wonder if leadership will understand why we need to buy dozens of pool noodles, seemingly unlimited boxes of Cheetos, and hundreds of water balloons. But we promise, these are all absolutely necessary.

Kidding aside, these moments can feel super scary because there is a reason and rationale for why we ask for our budget, and we worry that if it’s cut our students and families will feel the fallout and affects. So how do we try to keep that from happening? Is there a way we can still maintain our budgets and find a way to help leadership see the necessity of what we are asking?

Well, today I want to share a couple quick tips that I have utilized when preparing a budget submission or conversation.

First, know why you’re asking for what your budget reflects.

Sometimes you’ll get asked questions about why certain line items are there or why exactly you’re requesting a certain amount for a budget line. Knowing your answers and being able to confidently share your reasoning will help to explain your budget and your rationale.

Second, aim high and shoot low.

My encouragement is to go into these meetings with a budget that you would dream of having. Don’t go in being greedy, but go in asking for what you’d dream of having for student ministries. In the same moment, go in with a realistic expectation as well. You may not be able to purchase three 9 Square sets, but you may be able to get one. That’s an example of aiming high, but knowing that the realities may be different.

Third, be a good steward of your current and next budget.

Part of being a leader in a ministry is practicing good stewardship. We need to appropriately manage the funds that God has provided us with through His church, and that means we need to steward our current and future budgets well.

We shouldn’t spend frivolously or haphazardly, but instead should honor our budget and let that be reflected in how we spend it. This may mean that questions or statements may come like, “You did okay with less last year,” but this is where we can explain why we are asking for something different this year.

Lastly, focus on what matters.

I am not saying to simply focus on what matters when you create your budget but also if your budget isn’t approved for what you wanted. When you build your budget for your ministry always do so with your vision and the Gospel in mind as you seek to love and care for your students and families. And should your budget not get approved or be altered, remember that budgets aren’t ultimate. Yes, they allow for us to do things and to scale the ministry, but they don’t allow us or keep us from fulfilling the calling God has placed on our lives.

Seek to work within the context and budget that has been stewarded to you and as you do that, remember that everything you have is a gift from God to you. With this frame of reference, our perspective and understanding of utilizing our budget is shaped differently and helps us to seek to honor God in all aspects of our careers.

Quick Tip: To Host or Not to Host a Big Game Party

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Sunday, February 9, is coming. Do you have any plans? What about your ministry or church? Is this a big event for your ministry?

This is a Sunday that I enjoy each year. The commercials, the game, the fellowship, the food, and honestly the conversations that this Sunday fosters just makes it really enjoyable for me. When it comes to ministry on this particular Sunday, I have done it all: I’ve hosted huge outreach events, smaller gatherings, and then just hung out at home with Elise and enjoyed the game together.

None of these are inherently the wrong or right choice. When it comes to your church, your vision, and your community, you know what will work best for your group and ministry.

This isn’t a post to say, “Here’s the right way to do ministry on this specific day.” Instead it is a challenge to think through what is the most effective way to do ministry on this specific day, and how does it align with and strengthen your ministry’s vision?

When we host events like this, we need to think critically about the “why,” “how,” and “what” components. Why are we having this event? How does it align with our vision? How does it help us reach and retain our target demographic? What is its purpose? What makes this event worthwhile? How do we measure a win?

When we step back and critically assess those questions and consider how to best reach our students or church, then we will have an opportunity to reach more people.

I’ll be honest, I’ve moved away from larger gatherings in youth ministry world because we just haven’t seen the reward for the all the work and energy we put into that singular moment. Instead, we encourage small groups to gather together with friends and family and watch the game. That way each group can determine what their time looks like and shape their gathering to best fit their group.

Remember, you’re not trying to find or build a one-size-fits-all event. Instead, allow for organically created moments to build community and relationships.

What does your ministry look like for the big game, and how do you measure the success of that event?