Tag: how to

Tips for Self-Care: Pursue Meaningful Friendships

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I don’t know if you’re like me, but most of my relationships and friendships revolve around the church and the ministry I lead in particular. It’s only been in recent years that I have begun to build friendships outside of the immediate church community of which I am a part.

That isn’t to say that relationships from within the church are bad, problematic, or wrong, but they do present various challenges. If those are the only relationships that you have it will lead to feeling the tension of always functioning as a ministry leader or pastor. It will be hard to disengage from “doing” ministry even when hanging out with friends. It will often feel like you cannot turn off. And it may even feel like the relationships lack depth because you can’t share everything as some information is only for staff or people removed from the overall conversation.

My recommendation would be that you do one of three things:

  1. Build relationships outside of the immediate church community where you can be fully open and authentic.
  2. Build relationships within the church, but for the closer ones be willing to have relationships where you don’t have to be church staff and your friends will honor that.
  3. Put together a hybrid model of options one and two where you can have authentic and transparent relationships.

Meaningful friendships can develop within the church you work at but I would encourage you to truly make sure it can be fully authentic. I have a few really close friends at my church and each of them have let me know I can be 100 percent real and honest with them. In fact, a couple of them have students in our program and they have said if they need me to be a pastor, they will ask me to put on the “pastor cap.” That is so freeing because I know don’t need to be “on” or looking to be a certain way and can just be myself with my buddies. So if you have meaningful friendships within the church, make sure you have the freedom and ability to fully be you without the pressure of being a staff member of the church.

Building friendships outside of the church isn’t the easiest but they can be very fulfilling. Consider becoming a part of a church softball or ultimate Frisbee league. Go to a small group outside of your church. Get involved in a coaching program or a cohort. Connect with other youth pastors in your community. Pursue friendships from college or seminary. In these places you will find people who understand and can relate, but also have no context for what you have going on at work so you are free to authentically share. Let me strongly encourage you to put value and effort into these relationships as they will be very meaningful and impactful.

Having a meaningful friendship allows you to have the community that you are designed for. It creates a safe place for you to share how you are feeling, what is happening at work, and highs and lows without fear of judgement or having to be guarded in what you share. It allows you to feel valued, needed, and loved. And most importantly it fills your tank and helps you to recharge so you can continue to serve.

What encourages you most in your authentic relationships? What is challenging about finding and maintaining those relationships?

Caring for Students with Special Needs

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Over the past five years or so, I have become much more aware of how many people struggle with connecting with a “regular student ministry program” due to some type of disability or having special needs. Our church is actually the first church that I have worked at that has an entire program for children and students with disabilities or special needs, and it’s one of the coolest things I have ever had the privilege of being a part of.

Now that is not to say that I am an expert in this area at all. In fact, part of the reason I chose to write about this is because if you are like me, you may find yourself ill-equipped to handle this type of program. I know I am not trained well in this area, but I have been striving to learn and grow.

My desire today is simply to provide you with some ideas and advice, as well as point you to some resources to help you grow personally and minister to people in your church and community who are often forgotten about and marginalized. The more we work at making our ministries and churches accessible to everyone, the more likelihood there is of reaching people for the kingdom of heaven.

Get to know your people.

This is the best place to start. If you notice that there are students with special needs or families who have students with special needs, go and talk to them. Reach out and connect. Get to know them. Encourage them and let them know that they are welcomed, valued, and loved. People and families with special needs individuals often feel forgotten and ostracized because of the differences that exist. By reaching out to them and caring for them, you are creating a place of refuge and love. So ask questions. Listen well. Get to know them. Hear their stories and tensions they have. Then use what you learn to help create a place where their student(s) can come, participate, be loved, and know more about Jesus.

Equip and keep your team in the know.

If you have volunteers it is key to help them know and understand that there are students who have special needs. You don’t need to go into all the personal details for each student, but allowing your team to know that you do have students with special needs better prepares them to engage in different ways. It also helpful to share with your team different methods for calming students down, helping them engage, and how to communicate with them. Much of this information can be gleaned from parents and that goes back to our first point about getting to know the individuals and their families. This better equips you and your team to care for and minister to them. Also consider bringing in people to help train your team or giving them additional resources. Reaching out to local schools and organizations will provide you with a wealth of knowledge and allow you to consider bringing someone in to train your team.

No two people are ever the same.

This is a really key thing to remember. When you meet a student who has special needs, you have only met one student with special needs. No two people are exactly alike. No two situations (even with the same individual) will be exactly the same. No response will ever work the same for two different people. Each of these individuals is just that: an individual. Someone crafted in the image of God who longs to be loved and to belong. And our role is to care for them as an individual, to see them as God does, and to not assume things about them.

Make your place safe and welcoming.

Over the past few years I have come to realize how important space, lighting, sound, and programming is to people who have special needs. If you have students with autism, find out how lights, sounds, games, scheduling or lack thereof affect them. I found out that to many harsh lights or loud noises cause over-stimulation and that in turn makes the students and their families not want to participate. Another thing that people don’t always realize is that scheduling is huge for some people who have special needs. Having a system, a flow, structure, or a schedule helps them and their families prepare. So even if you could simply send a note to families a day or so ahead of time explaining the event and its schedule, you will make your program all the more inviting.

Another great thing to evaluate is this: is your venue handicap accessible? A great way of discerning this is by asking if people in a wheel chair can access and participate in all aspects of your program. If they cannot, it isn’t hard to believe that people with other special needs can most likely not participate as well. You are measuring whether or not your program is open and welcoming to all.

Purchase some sensory equipment.

This was one of the best things I have done for our ministry in a long time. You can literally find hundreds of options on Amazon simply by searching “fidget toys box,” and you can find ones that fit your ministry context best. This is a really good option that can be used in a variety of contexts. Putting sensory items out in your rooms or area of ministry affords students a new way to engage. It gives them something to play with which in turn allows them to focus. It helps students with anxiety to relieve some of their anxiousness. It gives people something to engage with. I would highly recommend getting some of these for everyone in student ministry.

Utilize resources and seek to grow your own knowledge.

There are some really good resources out there and some really not good resources when it comes to this topic and ministering to people with special needs. During my time in ministry I have found two really helpful resources that I want to share with you. Dr. Lamar Hardwick is a phenomenal resource I just recently came upon after hearing him speak on a podcast. His book is a great resource that I would highly recommend as he offers great insight and perspective as he himself falls into the category of special needs.

Another fantastic resource is Ability Ministry. They have helpful articles, resources, and curriculum designed for ministering to people with special needs. This has been revolutionary in helping our team minister to our students with special needs and we have seen amazing results. Our students who struggled to connect to the Bible our now memorizing it, they are serving as greeters on Sunday mornings, and actively participating in the program. I would highly suggest utilizing both of these resources and reading up on how you can better minister to, serve, and love your people who have special needs.

Tips for Self Care: Bringing Things to Completion

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This week we are starting a brand new series called “Tips for Self-Care.” Installments will pop up periodically with the goal of encouraging you and sharing ways to care for yourself. Often in ministry we are so focused on caring for others that we forget or forsake taking care of ourselves. But the problem with that is this: not caring for yourself leads to depletion which leads to burnout which leads to bitterness and resentment which leads to leaving ministries and churches. The sad reality is that when we are leading from a place of depletion we aren’t only hurting ourselves but also those we are to minister to.

These posts will be shorter in length as they are meant to give practical and tangible ways to care for yourself so you can fully be the minister God has called you to be. These “snack sized” posts are designed to be encouraging and life-giving, and they come from a place of learning and experience that we have had to walk through ourselves. This week we want to talk about “accomplishing and completing things.”

Have you ever noticed how in ministry the work is never done? For every one student who’s tracking with Jesus, ten more a struggling with their faith. For every senior who graduates a new sixth grader or freshman starts. For every milestone you achieve another two or three new goals manifest. There is always another message, event, or activity to prepare for or attend. It just feels like there is always more to do and the work is never accomplished.

That weight can be overwhelming and debilitating because it bogs you down and continues to make you feel like you haven’t succeeded or accomplished anything. We are designed in God’s image and because of that we are designed to do good works and to help them come to completion. As ministers and children of God our heart yearns to do good works and to see them finalized because we are longing for the completion that we will see in heaven. But when we don’t see that happen it can just cause pain, sadness, and feelings of anxiety and depression. So how can we actually work toward accomplishing things when it seems the work is ever growing?

I think one of the easiest ways to combat those negative feelings and our desire for completion is to actually do tasks that you can accomplish. These don’t need to be ministry focused, although they can be, but they should be tasks that you can do and see through to completion. Here are some suggestions for things or activities to do:

  • Organize and clean your office.
  • Organize, clean, and/or spruce up your youth areas.
  • Read a book all the way through.
  • Cut your grass or plant flowers.
  • Fold your laundry.
  • Complete a puzzle.
  • Pick up a new hobby where you can see things accomplished (art, candle making, wood working, lettering, working on cars, landscaping, etc.).
  • Travel to destinations you have always wanted to go to but haven’t.
  • Save up for something you wanted to buy for yourself but haven’t yet.

All of these may sound like minor things but as you actually see them come to fruition, they allow you to release and decompress all while knowing that you have accomplished something. My suggestion would be to start small with what you are hoping to complete because that gives you more potential to actually see it through. If you seek to complete larger, more grandiose tasks, you may find yourself not meeting them as often and that will lead to more feelings of inadequacy and frustration. So seek to find ways to accomplish tasks in your own life and celebrate those moments! Be proud of what you have completed and be willing to share about it.

What are some ways you seek to accomplish and complete tasks in your life?

Healing from Hurt: 8 Steps You can Take

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Have you ever been fired from a job? Have you ever experienced church hurt? Perhaps someone talked about you and spread rumors. Your senior pastor was arrogant and critical. You were treated like a lesser person.

Have you been there? For many people, myself included, we have felt and experienced these moments and they hurt us deeply. But my question for you today is this: have you healed from and processed that hurt? This isn’t meant to be a critical question but a reflective one.

Many of us have experienced these moments and the pain and hurt that come with them, but healing from them is a whole different ball game. Healing takes time. Healing takes effort. Healing takes heartache, wrestling, engaging in tough conversations, and self reflection. I want to share a few ways that we can begin moving toward healing. These are not all-encompassing but I am looking to simply offer some advice and ways that we can personally move toward healing. My encouragement would be to also talk with a licensed counselor who can help you through that hurt and the process of moving forward.

Be honest with yourself.

Sometimes when wrestling with hurt we aren’t honest with ourselves because the honesty only causes more pain. Perhaps because we realize the depth of betrayal someone engaged in or maybe because we realize that we had a role in what occurred. But being honest with ourselves is the first step toward authentically dealing with the hurt in our lives. Hurt can only properly be dealt with when it is handled honestly, so seek to be honest with yourself in assessing, addressing, and moving through the hurt so as to grow and heal.

Be honest with God.

This goes hand in hand with the first point. Often in times of hurt we can unfairly ascribe pain to God and blame Him for bringing about the hurt and hardship in our lives. It isn’t wrong to share our pain or to cry out to God. It isn’t even wrong to yell at or question what is happening. But it is wrong to ascribe pain and hurt to God because God isn’t one who bestows pain or hurt but rather seeks to heal us from it.

In the same vein it is important for us to be wholly honest with God and to share our hurt and pain with Him. In fact we are told to cast our anxieties and hurt onto God because He cares for us. So be honest with God, tell Him how you are hurting, bare your soul, cry out to Him, and remember that He hears you and offers you hope and healing.

Journal your thoughts.

This is a huge part of self-care because it allows you to put your thoughts, hurts, and feelings to paper. While this may not sound like a big deal, actually be able to put what you are feeling into words is healing and freeing. It helps you acknowledge what you are feeling in your heart and mind, and it allows you to actually begin to process what has or is happening and how you are handling it. Being able to simply put your thoughts and hurt into words is huge and will ultimately help you to process and move toward healing.

Spend time in God’s Word.

I’ll be honest: this is hard for me in certain seasons of hurt and exhaustion. I don’t want to read God’s Word because I want to believe that my responses are okay and valid. I know that when I read God’s Word I will be convicted and challenged. And so I avoid it, but that is so problematic.

We are called to a relationship with God in all seasons regardless of how we are feeling. And in seasons of hurt it is vital that we spend time walking through God’s Word as we seek understanding and comfort. Spend time in the Psalms, read through the prophets, lament with Lamentations. The time you spend in these books will be good for your mind and soul, and help you to move toward healing and restoration.

Talk with someone.

I mentioned this earlier, but it is worth stating again. Talking with a trusted mentor, counselor, or mental health professional is something that cannot be understated. Having someone who you can share with and not have to worry about condemnation from is huge. A trusted person is necessary to be able to be authentic and to share what you are feeling and processing through. This should also be someone who can give you feedback and helpful guidance to make sure you are continuing to take steps toward healing and restoration.

Seek out a doctor’s opinion.

Sometimes the hurt and pain we experience can cause us to struggle with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and a host of other struggles and ailments. In order to properly diagnose and prescribe treatment it is necessary to reach out to your doctor and see if there is something that needs to be treated. Taking this step requires a willingness to acknowledge there is a problem but also an understanding that only by being transparent can the problem be treated appropriately. So consider reaching out to your doctor if you are walking through hurt that is affecting you more than other hurts in order to properly care for yourself.

Be willing to apologize and extend forgiveness.

I’ll be honest, this is one of the harder parts of moving through hurt. Often as you take time to self-reflect, to heal, and to become whole again, you will most likely see that there are people who need to seek your forgiveness and perhaps people you need to apologize to. Many times in processing hurt we can see the relationships and people who hurt us, but often they may not. In those moments we must extend grace and forgiveness to them even if it is seemingly undeserved. We must reflect Christ in those moments as we move toward healing. But we must also acknowledge that we may have had a hand in part of the pain and hurt that exists, and as such it is equally important that we apologize and seek the forgiveness of others.

Trust God to handle what you cannot.

Sometimes dealing with hurt means being willing to let go of what you cannot control or correct and allowing God to take care of those moments, experiences, and relationships. In moments of hurt and pain we try to control and manage everything and everyone in an effort to spare more pain and alleviate the pain we already have.

But I believe a better and healthier alternative is to allow God to handle all of those moments as He is God and knows how to fully care for you and everyone else. By allowing God to be God and releasing control, you are allowing Him to fully care for you as His child, to handle what you can’t, and to lovingly carry you in your pain and vulnerability. In these moments, as difficult and scary as they may sound, you will come to know and appreciate the love, care, and protection that the Good Shepherd affords you.

5 Quick Tips to Help You Lead Your Team Well

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When it comes to leading a team, knowing how to lead well is hugely important. Whether you oversee a staff team, a group of volunteers, or a team of parents, how you lead will direct the outflow of your team and the effectiveness of your ministry. With that being said, I want to share with you five quick tips that you can use to lead well and ensure the long term success of your team and ministry.

It should be stated that these tips are not all encompassing nor are they the only tips to help you be a great leader. There are many leadership gurus and books that will provide more insight and guidance. These are just tips and ideas that I have witnessed and implemented that have helped me develop and grow as a leader of teams.

Be honest.

This is something I have had to learn to implement within my team. Not that I am dishonest or that I lie, but I am an avoider. In order to keep the peace or not cause tension, I will avoid conflict or direct conversations. But as I have progressed and grown in my time as a leader I have seen the necessity of having honest and direct conversations. These don’t need to be heavy or overtly critical, but it is so important to be honest about what is happening and how you are feeling.

Avoiding or dismissing what may be a minor issue will only allow for it to become a much larger and more difficult issue farther down the road because it wasn’t dealt with. So make sure to create a culture of honest and authentic communication that helps to instill value and community among your team. Authenticity is always better than avoidance.

Have fun.

This is kind of a no-brainer for people in student ministry, right? Our events always have games and fun or creative elements. We have fun at youth group and with our students. But do you do that with your team?

I love when my team and I can go out and grab lunch and not talk about work. It is so encouraging to take a team of volunteers out for a trivia night at a local pub. It is a lot of fun when you can have your team over to watch March Madness and grill out together. These moments are huge in not only strengthening your team through community but also valuing them outside of their skill set in a ministry setting. Having fun creates a culture of value and it allows you to enjoy life with each other. A team that has fun together will grow together.

Communicate clearly and often.

This is something I had to learn in the beginning of working on a ministry team. It’s easy to assume everyone is in sync and knows what is happening and why, but that isn’t always the case. Instead what we should be doing is taking the time to communicate with one another often and as clearly as possible. This should never be used to speak down to anyone but instead to make sure your teammates are all on the same page. It also helps you to make sure that what is communicated is consistent and understood.

Communication should be a high value and it should be something that helps to strengthen and empower your team. Eventually the communication will ensure that your team works better and smoother as you become a stronger organism that is united in its goal(s).

Set clear metrics and expectations.

There have definitely been moments in my career that I haven’t clearly let my teams know of my expectations. I have also held myself to higher expectations, which I then subconsciously impose on my team. It took a few times of stumbling and causing unnecessary hurt and struggles before I began to realize this point.

Being able to articulate the expectations you have for the team, for them as individuals, and for your department, is huge as it puts everyone on an even playing field. By setting clear metrics it also helps your team to know the goals you have for them and what their reviews will be based upon. You are cultivating a fair foundation to help shape, grow, and pour into your team.

Challenge and celebrate one another.

This is something that will not only help your team to excel and use their gifts, but it will also allow for there to be room for growth. We don’t often like to be challenged because it may mean we need to reflect and understand that we might have missed a mark we strove to achieve. But if we can can challenge one another in love and dignity we will see our teams rise to the occasion and excel.

However, it has to be about more than just challenging one another. We must also celebrate one another. When a teammate excels or meets or exceeds a goal, celebrate that victory. When a teammate steps up, recognize them. When someone goes above and beyond, be the first person to encourage them and celebrate them both in private and in public. These moments will show your team and those they minister to that they are valuable and needed on the team.

5 Ways to Make Students Feel Known

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Our students are craving authentic relationships with adults who love and care for them, and we have the privilege of stepping into that space. Students are longing for people to support them and be with them, but how do we do that well?

There are literally hundreds of ways you can love and care for students, and honestly within your own ministry you will have ways that work for your group alone. But if you find yourself scratching your head and asking, “How do I do this well?” I want to offer five quick and easy ways you can make students feel known, loved, and valued each week.

These shouldn’t be the only ways you do this, but if you put these five into action they will serve as a catalyst for continued growth and opportunities to speak into the lives of your students.

Know their names.

There is such power in knowing someone’s name and being able to call them by it. I love the passage in John 20:11-18 after Jesus’ resurrection when He calls Mary by her name. It changes everything.

Mary is completely distraught after finding that Jesus’ body is no longer in the tomb. Unbeknownst to her, Jesus shows up and has a conversation with her. For whatever reason, Mary doesn’t recognize Jesus until He says her name. And in that moment, everything changed for Mary. She had hope. There was no more fear. There was a future where before she lived in the past. Love overwhelmed her where fear used to reign. She had purpose, an identity, and a Savior.

When we know the names of students it changes everything and lets them know that they have a place where they are loved, known, and desired.

Show hospitality.

When students come to your program, do they know they are loved, valued, and wanted? Does it feel welcoming and safe? One of the best things you can do is have people love and welcome your students and families as they arrive. Have people greeting who can simply say hi and direct people. Equip and empower your snack team to love and engage with your students. These moments can change lives and make students feel like part of the family.

We have an amazing older couple who come in and bake chocolate chip cookies and pretzels for our café. But recently we have asked them to actually work the café, and they have accepted the challenged and excelled at it. They recently approached me and said, “Nick, we get to sit and talk with students and they tell us about their day and all the weight they are carrying. And you know what? We just sit and listen and tell them we love them. Then we pray with them. And guess what? They keep coming back to talk to us!” Those types of moments, when we show students hospitality by showing them Jesus, change lives.

Listen well.

One of the best ways you can value students, and honestly everyone else too, is by listening well. When a student is talking to you, listen fully to what they are saying. Don’t listen to offer answers. Don’t listen to give advice. Don’t listen only when it’s interesting. Listen to all of what they are saying.

Students can tell right away if you are engaged by how you listen and respond to them. So show them you care by listening well and being wholly present. Look to listen to learn and understand. Listen to know more about them. And listen with love, grace, and truth. When you listen well, students know that they matter and it affords you great opportunities and privilege to speak truth into their lives.

Have authentic conversations.

This goes hand-in-hand with listening but takes it a step further. Listening is incredibly helpful and necessary but actually engaging in authentic conversations will further help students feel know and cared for. When you listen well it enables you to respond well. As you engage with students ask good questions, show them you care by how you respond, validate them and their feelings, challenge them, care for them, and share life with them. When you allow for those aspects to highlight your conversations with them, you are giving them inherent worth and value through your authenticity and transparency.

Be for students.

This final thought is one we would all agree on. Of course we are for students because we are in student ministry. We host events, train leaders, teach the Bible, come up with crazy fun games, study for hours, go to students’ games and events, and eat way too much junk food. We would say that these things and more highlight that we are for students.

But let me ask you a question: would your students say or know that you are for them? I am not casting doubt that you are for them, but simply asking if they know you are. Often we can assume that our actions and conversations highlight one thing but how others perceive or receive them, they might say another.

It would be beneficial to ask some of your leaders and key students if they would say you are for students. To ask them how you can do that better. It may not be a response you want or are looking for but it will give you insight into how you are presenting and engaging, and perhaps what could be done differently. Be for your students. Love well, engage with them, step in the gap, and be willing to change things if necessary.

Helping Seniors Move Beyond Youth Group

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Have you noticed a decline in students attending church after they graduate from high school? Have you observed a lack of interest in your graduates when it comes to being a part of the church? Have your seniors or graduates disconnected or walked away from the church?

I don’t think this is a phenomena that is central to only my students or even to this day and age. Studies consistently show that students will walk away from the church post graduation if they are not connected well and don’t have consistent spiritual mentors walking with them. So what are we doing to help students remain in the church post-graduation? Today my desire is to hopefully share some insight and tips that may help retain your students beyond high school. I am not perfect at this and I am still working through all of this in my own ministry. But perhaps these thoughts will help all of us critically think through and develop ways and opportunities to retain our seniors and graduates.

Connect them with college-aged peers.

In talking with current seniors it became apparent how difficult the transition to college can be. They don’t have the same friend group, some of their peers won’t be around as they go to different schools, and they are trying to break into social circles. All of these paired with the normal tensions that come from trying to be part of a new dynamic and social group make this a difficult time of transition for students.

By connecting them with college-aged students you are helping to break some of the barriers that exist. Set up social gatherings to connect students with one another. Encourage your college student leaders to reach out to the seniors. Host seniors at the college ministry throughout the year. These moments will help students connect with one another and ease the transition.

Connect them with college ministry and leaders.

This is something you can do regardless of whether seniors are staying in your community or going away for school or work. If students are staying in the area, look to connect them with the college ministry and leaders in your church. Find ways to connect them and facilitate fellowship to grow community and relationships. The more you can connect them and build intentional moments for relational community the better connected they will be and the greater the potential for spiritual growth and maturity.

Should your student(s) go away for college, talk to them about the importance of connecting to a college ministry and to a local church. Connect with people to the best of your ability whether via networks or social media connections to find options for your students. Also consider setting up an account on Every Student Sent to find options for your students regardless of where they decide to go. If you are able, help build the connection by reaching out to the ministries and churches for your student and helping them know and connect with the student that is going to be heading to the new community.

Find ways to connect them with broader church life.

Often when students graduate from youth group they take one of their first real steps into church life. Many students don’t or won’t attend church services for a litany of reasons (it’s boring, it doesn’t relate to them, their friends don’t go, etc.). But if you go above and beyond to help them see church as more than a singular program or ministry you will be doing them a huge service.

Set up times for your whole youth program to be a part of the church services. Encourage your worship leaders and preachers to connect and relate to your students throughout each service. Have small groups attend various church events including social and serving opportunities. Challenge your students to serve and be a part of body life. Individually these aren’t fix-alls, but together they afford opportunities for your students, and your seniors especially, to connect and grow in the broader church life.

Help them see what community looks like.

Students love community but often struggle to identify healthy Christian community outside of youth group circles. Look to challenge them to engage in various aspects of community outside of youth group. Encourage them to jump into a small group outside of your program. Encourage their youth group leaders to connect them in larger circles that they are involved in. Help them to go to and participate in church services and to begin serving. When students serve they take ownership and when they have ownership they are more prone to be involved for the long term. Finally, connect them with church staff and leadership outside of yourself. Doing this helps them to connect, grow, and see the bigger picture. This generates buy-in and understanding which will help them know they belong and are loved.

Challenge your students to make their faith their own.

This should be something we are encouraging our students to do throughout their time in youth group, but this is pivotal for student who are graduating. One of the greatest gifts you can give to your seniors is the ability for them to test the waters, ask questions, and apply their faith to their lives. So seek to teach them how faith is lived out. Show them the ways that their faith transforms them. Walk with them as they ask questions and challenge the status quo. Doing this well will help your students take tangible steps toward living as an authentic disciple of Jesus and will allow for their faith to become real for them.

Effectively Using Social Media

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Most of us recognize that social media is an effective tool and means of communication in student ministry. But we should also critically think through how and why we use it. Social media is a powerful tool that we can leverage but if we don’t have a plan or target for the intent and purpose of it, we are simply using an effective tool in an ineffective way. Today, I want to share a few things that you should think through as you utilize social media to equip, empower, and disciple your students.

Know your purpose for using social media.

It is easy to simply jump on the social media bandwagon because everyone else is using it in student ministry. But how and why each ministry uses social media is different. Some use it to simply put out content that is engaging. Others use it to communicate information. Some will use it to evangelize or disciple people. Still others use it to highlight their ministry, students, leaders, or families. What is your purpose, or your ministry’s purpose, in using social media? Once you answer that question you can begin building effective social media content for your audience.

Think through which apps you will use.

As you begin thinking about how to utilize social media effectively, you must think about which apps or social media channels you will use and why. Think through which age demographics are using which social media platforms. Consider who your primary audience is on each platform. Think about whether the social media you are using is going to be effective for your purpose. Also, read through the background and user agreement for the apps or platforms you are using. Some social media platforms were built for nefarious purposes and their desire is actually completely anti-student ministry. As you dig into these factors and engage with them, it will help you choose which apps to utilize and think about how and why you are using them.

Have a social media posting schedule.

Having consistent times to post and share content is hugely important. It affords you a timetable of when you post, it allows you to shape what is posted and when, and it allows your people to know and follow your schedule. It could be as simple as choosing a day or two to share posts that encourage engagement, it could be a day set aside for a weekly devotion, it could be reminders for programming, or it could be a weekly post highlighting leaders or students. Once you have a schedule figured out, make sure to communicate that with your teams, your students, and with families. This then affords you an opportunity to share what and why you are posting and to help curate buy-in to the ministry.

Post at appropriate times.

As you begin thinking about what you are posting, it is important to think about when you are posting. As simple as it seems, knowing what time of day and what days to post various content is highly important. Posting content for your audience means knowing when your audience is most inclined to view that content. If you’re posting on a school day for students it wouldn’t be prudent to post at 10 a.m. when they are in class. The same could be said for knowing when and what to post for parents; posting during a work day may not be prudent but posting once they are home would be.

Leverage your content to reflect your vision.

This is a big piece of utilizing social media well: use your platform to share your vision and the heart of your ministry. Whenever you post to social media make sure the vision and heart of your ministry is clear. This is true not just in the words you share but your photos and videos should communicate that as well. If your vision is focused discipleship communities and not large events, it would be prudent for your images to reflect that. So think through what your are sharing how it can best represent and reflect your vision well.

Incorporate photos and stories of your people.

One of the best ways to utilize social media well is using photos of your people. When you take photos of your students, leaders, or families and share them, it brings attention to your ministry and drives engagements up. People want to see what is happening and be invested in the important parts of your ministry; and your people are just that. So include photos and stories that share what God is doing and allow that to drive engagement on your social media platforms.

Help! I Feel Ill-Equipped!

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Have you ever had a hard day? Was it ever compounded by the reality of a lack of training or knowledge? Has there ever been a conversation or question where you had no idea how to respond or engage?

Perhaps it was when a mom came into your office and shared that her husband was abusive. Maybe it was a student who shared they are thinking of transitioning. Perhaps a student shared about the propensity to self-harm and that they’ve thought about taking their own life. Maybe there was a suicide in your community or your group and people have come to you for help and guidance all while you are grieving.

If you haven’t been in a situation or context where you weren’t prepared for what unfolded, I can tell you there will be moments in your life that this will happen. I don’t say that to instill fear, doubt, or worry, but to be a realist and help us understand there will be times we are unprepared or ill-equipped. The goal is to be better prepared so we can respond well when they do happen.

These types of issues should give us pause to think through our training and knowledge, and also force us to acknowledge where we are lacking in our training and skill set. The reality is we cannot master all areas and we cannot be all things to all people. So what are we to do in moments like these? Let me offer a few helpful thoughts.

Know your resources.

One of the best things you can do to help yourself be more prepared and equipped to handle various circumstances is to know and utilize your resources. Get to know the various agencies in your community including but not limited to emergency services, counselors, other pastors, crisis agencies, various hotline numbers, doctors and nurses, and therapists. When you are networked in this way, you have more resources and referrals at your disposal that will help you offer better and more holistic care for your people.

Study areas you are weak in.

This is a big one for anyone in ministry. We should always seek to be lifelong learners and in doing so, we should seek to grow in areas we are lacking. Many ministers are referred to as counselors, but most of us are not trained counselors and our experience in that area is lacking. So I would encourage you that should you be lacking in an area, seek to grow in it.

Whether it is counseling, homiletical practice, developing leaders, formulating small groups, or any other area that is a part of your purview, seek out resources and opportunities to help you grow. Read books, meet with mentors, take classes, listen to podcasts, meet with people who are skilled and trained in those areas, and never stop learning. In doing this you will become not only more trained in those areas but you will also become a better minister as you better understand your craft and how to care for others.

Talk to experts.

This is something that is incredibly helpful and goes hand in hand with studying and seeking to be a learner, but it is a little more tangible. Seek to gain insight from experts in various fields. Talk to counselors about how they would approach various topics. Ask for advice and guidance in how to care for people. Talk to crisis intervention specialists and ask how you can help students and families in a time of crisis and what you should and should not do or say. Talk to health experts about how to care well for students who are struggling with different health issues. If these experts are not readily available in your community, consider reaching out to different networks and finding ways to connect and engage with experts elsewhere.

Be willing to just listen.

Often when people come to us to talk about what is going on in their lives they aren’t coming to look for all the answers right away. People come because they need someone to just listen and be present with them. So practice listening well and seeking to be fully present when someone comes to you. Whether it is by turning off distractions like your phone, taking notes, making eye contact, or all of the above, listening and being present in those moments will allow you to better care for and understand how to afford more holistic care.

Manage your time.

Handling these types of situations can be difficult and time consuming. There really isn’t a way to set aside your time in advance for these moments because they are often organic situations that happen as things manifest. But as these situations occur you will find that you want to be all-in and that is a good thing, but when we do that we may find ourselves being overwhelmed and depleted because of how much we give. So let me encourage you to think through how and when you can give of yourself. Know your time limitations and what you can give. It won’t always be convenient when these conversations happen, but if you structure your schedule well, you will be able to identify how much time you can give and when you can give it.

Find a way to decompress and refresh.

The truth is that these moments are heavy and difficult to carry. I would love to tell you that the more equipped, resourced, and prepared that you are, the easier these moments will become. But that isn’t true. Walking with and shepherding people involves all of who you are. Your heart will break, you will empathize and sympathize in a variety of ways, you will weep and rejoice, you will ask questions, and watch poor choices being made. We may be able to compartmentalize one circumstance or moment, but added ones compound our own hurt and emotions.

So in order to handle this well and to continue leading and caring for your people, you must find ways to decompress and refresh. Find what encourages and renews you and engage with those areas and make them a priority. Talk to someone about what is going on. Meet with a counselor regularly. Take breaks. Set boundaries. Putting these aspects into place will enable you to better care for yourself as you care for others.

Book Review: The Great Sex Rescue

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I had heard a few podcast interviews with Sheila Wray Gregoire, but after listening to one last month on Theology in the Raw with her and her daughter Rebecca Lindenbach, I knew it was time to read their book (also co-written by Joanna Sawatsky). The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended is an important, insightful book that I highly recommend everyone read, regardless of your marital status.

We started talking more about counseling last week here on the blog and over on our Instagram account, and The Great Sex Rescue is a must-have for anyone doing pre-marital or marital counseling. Not only that, any youth or church leader who is speaking on sex and marriage to their students or congregants regardless of the setting will benefit from the concepts, facts, and perspectives in this book. And if you are married, the book includes discussion questions and other things to work through as a couple that will help strengthen and grow intimacy in your relationship.

One of the things I most appreciated was how the authors seek to reframe unhealthy messages about sex and intimacy that have been prevalent in the evangelical church for decades. Each chapter ends with a segment called “rescuing and reframing” which helps the reader to shift from inaccurate and harmful beliefs and statements to healthy, biblical, and factual statements. And while much of the book’s content is geared toward married couples, we would be remiss not to begin the process of reframing for our young people now. They deserve the best possible narrative and information when it comes to topics of sex and intimacy and the church should be a safe, healthy place for them to receive that information, especially if they are not hearing it at home.

The Great Sex Rescue also features research from a survey conducted with 20,000+ women, which provides data points and educational information particularly relating to married couples in the church. The information they gathered sheds light on what has been happening in marriages as a result of the messages, books, and stigmas that have been taught in the Christian community. While I found much of this information sad and disheartening, I also felt challenged to help influence the Christian community to do better. As followers of the Author of marriage, intimacy, and sex, we should be giving the best possible information we can to those we teach and lead. It is our responsibility to filter out harmful messages whenever we are made aware of them, and this book does exactly that. We can also begin to paint a better, more beautiful picture of what intimacy should look like within marriage, and why it matters.

Do yourself, your students, and fellow church-goers a favor and read this book. Then share it with other leaders, pastors, and couples. We can begin to re-write the broken messages of the past, forging a better, healthier future for our churches, and stronger, more intimate marriages. Thank you to Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna for putting in the work to share this book with the world.