Tag: encouragement

7 Ways to Help Students Serve

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“Nick! You have two riding mowers?! Look at this one it’s bigger than what my family uses at our farm!”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. We also have a wood shop that our facility team utilizes.”

“Can I see it?!”

“Sure thing!” I unlocked the door to our wood shop and the student’s eyes almost jumped out of his head.

“Nick…this…is…amazing! I wish I could use this stuff and cut grass here.”

“You can if you want to. I can connect you with our facility team and if your parents are okay with it, you can help them out.”

“I’m gonna check with my parents after youth group and let you know this Sunday!”

This was a conversation I had with a middle school boy recently. He correctly identified the tractors, mowers, and tools as I simply nodded along trying not to show my ignorance in what he was pointing out. We were cleaning up from an outdoor event and he was helping me put things away in our garage at the church. When he saw all the resources our facility team had to take of the grounds and to build items for various ministries, our student was over the moon excited to be able to use them. I could see how much he enjoyed working with his hands and being outdoors, as well as driving some of our bigger mowers. (What middle school boy wouldn’t be excited about that?) But what I could really see was his desire to serve and help in an area he was passionate about.

I don’t know many people who get excited about doing yard work, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that this student found a place where he could use his gifts, passions, and skill sets to help serve the body of Christ and I wanted to help him excel in that area. Getting students excited about serving and helping them find their niche is an important part of guiding them toward growing in their faith and growing as a member in the body of Christ. So how do we do this well?

1. Model service for them.

One of the best ways to help students grow and have a desire for serving is by showing them what serving looks like. When students see us serving and doing so with a willing and joyful spirit, it will help grow a desire to be of service within them as well. It helps our students to learn through seeing others model serving and it also gives us a practical way of helping younger generations grow and mature as followers of Jesus. You are cultivating a desire to serve as you model service for them.

2. Challenge them.

The next way to help students serve is by challenging them to do so. If you see a need for service, challenge your students to rise to the occasion and meet the need. This could be helping with set-up and tear-down at an event. It could be doing yard work for someone in the church or the neighboring community. It could be helping in the nursery. Or it could be any number of other things. By highlighting the need and challenging your students to meet it, you are building in them a desire to serve and also giving them an opportunity to demonstrate their ability to lead and care for others.

3. Help them know their gifts and skills.

When I ask students what their gifts are or where they could serve the usual answer is, “I don’t know.” This isn’t because they are ambivalent or don’t care, but because they truly do not know. So find ways to help students identity their skills and gifts, but also highlight ways they can serve in and outside of the church. Spiritual gifts assessments abound online but one from Lifeway is a solid option that is more in-depth and will help students be able to see which gifts they have and how to utilize them. Coupling spiritual gifts assessments with ideas on how to serve and a skill set survey sheet will help your students start thinking creatively about where and how they can serve.

4. Help them come up with their own ideas.

While helping students figure out where to serve, I would highly suggest we not pigeonhole them into a certain area we think would be good for them. Instead, allow them to find their own ways to serve. Give them guidelines and a direction, but also allow them to be creative and find places and opportunities to serve on their own.

I encouraged a student to serve one time in our communications department because of their skill set with design and art, but their passion was serving in our worship department because they could help people engage corporately through different media. I hadn’t even thought of that option but if I had forced them to serve in a place they weren’t passionate, they may never have continued to serve. So let students be creative and think about where and how they want to serve.

5. Serve with them.

One of the best things we can do when it comes to helping students serve is to serve with them. I know we can’t do everything, especially on Sundays, but if you’re able to serve alongside your students periodically I would encourage you to do so. Maybe it’s helping with tech one week. Or perhaps it’s seeing a student mowing the church lawn and going out to help or bring them a bottle of water. Maybe it’s hosting a service day and working with them. The more students see serving modeled by you and your leaders the more they will continue to serve.

6. Equip them to serve.

This goes beyond simply helping them identify their gifts and where to serve. It is about helping them to grow and mature in their service. I’m not saying you need to know everything and help students know how to do all the things, but help them grow as servants of God. Teach them why we serve, show them how to serve joyfully, debrief with them, help them grow and try new things, encourage them, and connect your students with others who can help them grow and sharpen their skills.

7. Follow up.

Follow-up is one of the most necessary things to do when we challenge students to serve, and it is also one of the things that tends to fall by the wayside. Be willing to check in on your students and see if they have followed through on their commitments, but also listen to how they are doing while serving. When you follow up, it isn’t about making sure students are behaving and doing the right things. Follow-up is checking in to see how their hearts are doing and being intentional and relational in your conversations. It’s caring about your students and their maturity as followers of Christ. Making sure your students are experiencing growth and seeing how they are valid and needed parts of the body of Christ is paramount as you follow up with them.

How are you helping and equipping students to serve?

Theme Night Ideas: Fall Kickoff

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It’s the middle of August and that means the school year is rapidly approaching. Many of our students are getting in their final vacations and summer memories because they start school in just a couple of weeks. Families are beginning to shop for back to school items and students are beginning to finalize their class schedules.

This also means that ministries–ours included–are preparing for the fall launch. Our summer programming is scaled back due to living in a tourist town where most local families go away for the summer. Because of that, we look to kickoff our fall programming in a fun and celebratory way. We love to start the school year in a way that fosters community and is invitational, while at the same time highlights what our ministry is about and shares our vision.

A successful fall kickoff isn’t a capstone to the year or indication that everything will go smoothly throughout the school year. Instead, a successful fall kickoff helps to set your ministry up for a good year and it allows the tone to be set for your students. Today I want to share some ways you can make your fall kickoff special, meaningful, and intentional for your students.

Cast the vision well.

One of things that is always important to the start of the school year is making sure you cast your vision. It sets the tone for the year, highlights your priorities, and helps students and leaders know what your ministry is about. It allows you and your team to set the tone and direction for your group right from the onset of the ministry year. By doing this, students and families know your heart and passion for the ministry. It will also highlight the direction you are going and the reasons for doing so.

Utilize local resources.

I’ve talked about utilizing local resources in other posts, but in moments like these I love to do that. We typically see larger numbers at the start of the year because students are excited to be back. And with typically nicer weather this time of year, it affords us more options to utilize. We’ve partnered with local eateries and ice creameries for our kickoffs in the past, but you can honestly utilize any local business.

If you live in a farming community you may be able to host a whole hog cookout. If you live in a community known for a certain type of food or dessert, try to highlight that. If you have community groups that offer unique experiences like onsite laser tag or dunk tanks and weather allows, incorporate it into your kickoff. We live in Hershey and have highlighted chocolate at different points, but we also don’t want to overuse that one thing and so we look for other elements to highlight. Whatever your local resources, make sure to give them a shout-out and point your students and families to that aspect of the community.

Know your culture.

I could tell you all the things that we have tried to incorporate and have seen fail. I could also list out all the things I have done that have worked. But the truth of the matter is, some or none of those may work for you depending on the culture of your ministry. If you have students who just want to chill, setting up a large scale scavenger hunt won’t work. If you have students who love sports and active games, setting up 9 Square and playing capture the flag will probably be a win. At the end of the day, you need to know what your students are going to readily engage with and utilize those things to your advantage.

Create a celebratory moment.

Let’s be honest: going back to school isn’t a celebration for most of our students. But kicking off youth group, regathering with friends, and looking ahead are celebratory moments. So look to celebrate in ways your students will connect and relate to. This comes across in how you theme the gathering, the environment you create, how it’s communicated, and the way you and your leaders respond to it. When you and your leaders are having fun, your students will respond to that energy. It is also important to look at the environment. Do you have music, are leaders smiling and engaging, are the activities working, is there food, have you created opportunities for community? These questions will help us identify if this is truly a celebratory moment and also help us shift things if needed.

I would also encourage you to create a singular moment that everyone can celebrate. This can be pre-planned or something organic that happens in the moment. Let me explain. Every other year our church does outside services in the summer under a tent and it was still up when we did our fall kickoff. We had our music pumping and kids started to come up on the stage and dance. And let me tell you, some of our kids can truly bust a move! I was about to settle everything down and call students in for our brief message, but instead I called our students in and threw on a few songs they knew and our entire student body engaged in a dance party for about ten minutes. It was awesome and exciting and everyone was involved.

That’s an “in the moment” celebration. But perhaps pre-planning is better for some ministries. Maybe you celebrate and honor students who were baptized this summer. Perhaps you celebrate what God did on your mission trips or at camp. Maybe it’s welcoming in new students. Perhaps your students met a challenge and get to hit you with pies. Whatever it is for you, make sure to celebrate with your community.

Theme the evening.

This doesn’t need to be crazy or a brand new idea. Sometimes the proven themes can be the best for your group. We have tried to make our fall kickoff tailgate themed, but that never landed with our students. We did “Minute to Win It” for multiple years but it never really caught on. What has actually worked for our group is a theme around community and connection. We shape our kickoff around intentional moments and activities that foster connection and conversations. We also highlight our small groups and create two moments for connection during our kickoff. At the end of the day, however you theme your night has to be something that resonates with your community and draws them together.

Involve students and leaders.

Whenever I host kickoffs I like to highlight my leaders and introduce them, but I also love to make sure they get intentional time with their students. I also really enjoy getting my students involved in leading or facilitating part of the kickoff. This can include letting an intern take lead in the structure of the night. Or have students share their testimonies or stories of what they saw God do in and through them during your summer trips.

Set the challenge.

One of my favorite things to do is to honor and celebrate the successes we see our students already doing and challenge them to continue to do just that. Last year we saw our students invite a ton of friends to our kickoff and so I challenged them to let our ministry be a place where anyone and everyone could come and to continue inviting inviting their friends. This resulted in record numbers of new students attending our program and many of them becoming part of our community.

By setting a challenge or goal for your students, you are highlighting how they are the focus of the ministry. You are giving them identity, ownership, and purpose, and students will rise to that challenge. So think about what you’d like to challenge your students to this year and lay that out for them at your kickoff. I would also encourage you to remind them throughout the year and to celebrate the successes as they happen.

What’s In Your Back Pocket?

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“Feeling about his pockets, he finds the ring he had found earlier and had forgotten about, and asks out loud to himself, ‘What have I got in my pocket?‘” – The Hobbit

Sorry, I couldn’t help but dig into my nerdy side with this title. This isn’t a post about The Hobbit but instead is about being prepared at any time. Throughout my time in youth ministry it has been impressed upon me the importance of always having a backup plan. Or something in your back pocket. It’s essential to have something ready to go in case of the inevitable shift in plans, weather, attendance, or any of the hundreds of changes that happen during ministry.

This has often happened to me on mission trips. You go to visit a church in the community you’re serving in and they ask you to come and share, and what they really mean is give a sermon. Or you may be asked to go on visitation to a nursing home and they ask you to run the chapel that day. Perhaps you are put on the spot in a tragedy. Or maybe the main youth leader is out sick and running the night falls on you! What do you do? Are you ready to go? Should you just wing it?

I think for many of us, those are somewhat terrifying moments and situations. I can honestly say that I have experienced all of them. And having walked through them I have realized the necessity of being prepared and having messages, games, and questions you can default to. This isn’t to say you should live in fear wondering when you’ll be called on next, but rather to be prepared should you have the opportunity to step up. I want to share with you a few ways you can be prepared and have something your back pocket whenever you need.

Have easy no-prep games ready to go.

We have written on our favorite little- or no-prep games before, and having games that you know how to run that don’t need any supplies is a must. A favorite of mine is pull up which you can find by clicking the link to the earlier post. And manhunt or capture the flag are also super easy because it just involves people, space, and maybe a couple quick objects for a game. If you don’t have the space or the weather outside isn’t cooperating, think about playing spoons or mafia. Anything can be utilized to take the place of spoons, except sharp things, and mafia requires only a deck of cards.

Always have generic small group or discussion questions.

Small group questions are the norm for many programs but they often come from the lead person for that ministry. If you were asked to take over for an evening or an event, do you have small group questions you can utilize? Having generic questions will allow your students or team to engage with the lesson or material and better seek to apply it to their lives. Generic questions typically won’t work every week, but in a pinch these are a great way to ensure conversation in large and small groups.

Here are some general questions that we incorporate each week alongside our specific questions that relate to the lesson:

  • What is one good thing and one difficult thing that happened this week?
  • What stood out to you from the talk?
  • What challenged you from the talk?
  • What were some of the key topics and themes from the message?
  • What was the big idea from tonight’s conversation?
  • What is one part of the message that you want to explore more?
  • What is one thing you can practically apply to your life this week?
  • What prayer requests do you have?

Always have a message or two that you know by heart.

This is something I learned on my very first mission trip as a student. We were told we may need to share a devotion at some point on the trip, but what we didn’t know was that devotion would be shared in front of a church and was actually the Sunday message. I had volunteered to share prior to the trip and was shocked when I found out I’d be in front of the church. I don’t remember what I said but I remember the pastor coming up afterwards and thankfully expounding on it.

I wish I could say that mission trip was the only time that happened but I can’t. I’ve been asked to preach multiple times on mission trips when we enter a church building. I’ve also been asked to share a message of hope to a large group of students and families when I arrived as a grief counselor to an unexpected tragedy involving a student. I wasn’t prepared for that but I knew I needed to be able to offer some sort of comfort and hope to a hurting group of people. I know it’s not always easy to be prepared in the moment. But if you have a hand full of messages for a variety of circumstances memorized and ingrained in your mind and heart, you will find yourself better prepared to tackle those surprise moments.

A few messages I have in my back pocket include a general one on God’s grace and gift of salvation; one on grief, pain, and hope; and two based off of my favorite passages of scripture from Psalm 1 and Ephesians 3. These are all messages that have personal connections to my life and are ones I have worked on for years to make sure they have been honed and internalized. By utilizing personal connections and practicing them, they become ingrained and part of us, which means they are ready to go even when we are surprised to learn we will be teaching.

We want to know: what are some things that you keep in your back pocket?

Is it Wrong to Seek Advancement?

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When was the last time you thought about advancement in your position? Do you have any idea what that might look like? Does your church have a policy or program in place to help you advance and grow in your position?

How did those questions make you feel? I think that when many people enter into ministry they don’t often think about advancement. Sure, there might be the thought that advancement is “becoming the senior pastor,” but I would assert this is a false sense of advancement because not everyone is called to be a senior pastor.

Many people are called to be pastors but in a variety of roles because that is how God designed and gifted them. But if that is true, shouldn’t there be an opportunity to grow and advance in those positions? The answer is and should be “yes,” whether or not that is seen and understood by your superiors.

Before we even get to what your supervisors may think and desire for you, we must begin by looking internally to ascertain if this is the appropriate and needed advancement for ourselves. In order to help determine if you are correctly looking for advancement, it is helpful to ask the following questions.

Ask: Why?

There are a lot of “why” questions we could pose here. Why do I want this? Why am I not advancing? Why is advancement a good thing? Why should I want to advance? Asking “why” is all about authenticity. Are you being honest with yourself and with your employers? Was it your intent when you got hired to move forward? What does that even mean for you…what about for your church?

When we are thinking about advancement, the “why” question should force us to look inward. There are great reasons to move toward advancement, but there can also be selfish reasons that guide our desires. So by asking why, you are forcing yourself to think critically about your reasoning and desires.

Ask: What is my goal?

Often when we think about advancement we are thinking about position, title, and financial status. While none of these are inherently wrong, we should be aware of our true heart motivation for desiring advancement. I’ve worked in ministry circles long enough to watch people treat various ministries like stepping stones to get to the desired position of senior pastor. We can debate for days on why this is, the way churches are structured, how ministry schools train you to think, and the way churches elevate that position over others, but that would be missing the point.

The point is sometimes we value aspects of advancement that shouldn’t be our focus or desire. In ministry, we are called to shepherd and disciple those whom God has entrusted to our care, and to simply look for advancement without consideration of our true calling wouldn’t be honoring of that calling. I am not saying you shouldn’t think about yourself, your family, or your financial status, but we should be discerning our true goal. As we do this, it helps us think critically about how we minister and care for our people and it should also shape the authenticity we show to our church.

Ask: Whose desire is this?

Is it God’s desire or your own? You may have a desire or reason to seek advancement that is completely appropriate. You may need to advance to better support your family or pay off your debt. Those are valid and important reasons. However, there are times our desires aren’t centered properly, and that means we need to wisely discern whose desire we are following.

A metric we need to remember is that while our desires may not be wrong or improper, they aren’t ultimate. If you’re just getting an education to “move up” in your career, you aren’t necessarily listening to what God is saying, nor are you paying attention to the people you have been called to shepherd. Often our desires and God’s can go hand-in-hand, but there will be times that they don’t. A great way to help you discern this would be to bring an honest, trusted friend and mentor into the conversation to help you see whose desire you are following. Allow them to speak truth and help guide you in this process.

Ask: What does advancement mean for me?

Acknowledging what advancement looks like for you is important because it allows you to assess where you want to be and how you’re going to get there. It also gives you a starting point for conversations with your church and ministry. They may see advancement in terms of helping you grow in knowledge and education, but you may define it by title, position, or pay scale. Being able to define what advancement looks like gives you the ability to clearly and concisely communicate it. When you communicate what you see advancement as, it allows you to compare your perspective to that of your church and to see if they are in alignment.

At the end of the day, advancement isn’t wrong, but it is important to discern why we are seeking it, and how we are going about obtaining it. Growing and advancing in a career field is important, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of people. That goes for congregants and for you and your family. You should never see a ministry or church as a stepping stone or a means to an end, and likewise you shouldn’t just stay in a position if it is causing hurt and pain to you and your family. Discernment and wisdom from God and trusted mentors should always be a metric you seek out in this part of your career, and you should always be checking your heart.

My advice: always be a learner, always seek to grow, be honest about your desires and where your heart is, and always remember the calling God has given to you. Advancement isn’t wrong, but how we go about obtaining it is key.

You Are Not Alone: What to Do When You Feel Like It

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Ministry can be a really lonely place sometimes; especially when you’re going through hardships, difficulties, loss, and trials. This loneliness can look different for each of us. You could be the only youth pastor in a small town. You may be on a team but no one really knows you. You may be critiqued and ridiculed by leadership. You might have been told you won’t amount to much or you’ve hit your glass ceiling. Or perhaps you believe you aren’t good enough or have failed.

There are so many reasons that ministry can feel very lonely. And those reasons are only compounded further when there are difficult moments and trials. When you feel alone and then have to walk through your own trial or help someone through theirs, it’s depleting and alienating because it compounds the feeling of isolation.

Have you been there? Are you there now? Whether you have been there or you are there, this post is for you. It’s also for those of you who haven’t been there yet, because you can serve as a place of refuge and a loving support to those who are. The points below aren’t all-encompassing; they are designed to provide hope, encouragement, and community.

Remember that you are seen, valued, and loved.

It would be easy to default to saying, “God knows what you’re going through and loves you.” And while yes, it is true, for those experiencing periods of isolation and loneliness, it just rings a little hollow. You know it to be true, but there is a part of us that also wants the broader community to say it to us as well. We are relational beings and as such we want people to love and value us as well.

When we are in the throes of isolation we often obtain blinders that convince us no one cares or loves us, and that is a lie from the depths of hell. People don’t always say it, but they do see and love you. It isn’t always easy when it isn’t said or seen, but don’t believe the lie that no one cares. In fact, as you’re reading this, know that we love and care about you! We are in your corner and for you!

Build networks.

There are so many great ways to build a network. Depending on your context this can be through local youth ministry networks. Many towns that have multiple youth ministries actually have regular gatherings of youth workers for encouragement and fellowship. If you’re unsure if one exists, contact another youth worker to see if they know of one. Should there not be one, perhaps you could be the catalyst to the beginning of a network in your area.

Another option could be a denominational network. Many denominations have semi-regular gatherings and different ministries within the denomination also have regular meet-ups. Check and see what your denomination offers and consider jumping into those networks.

There are other opportunities like cohorts, conferences, and mentorships that will help you grow and develop as well as provide meaningful opportunities for fellowship and community. Other networks could include social media groups, but be cautious as many can be contentious and filled with heated debates as well as not necessarily afford you a true and authentic network.

Find community.

Networks and community can go hand-in-hand, but sometimes certain networks may not provide the community you need for a variety of reasons. So how do you find needed community no matter what setting you are in?

First, I would encourage you to find people with whom you can be authentic. Identify friends who you don’t have to present a certain way to, people you don’t need to be a pastor for. That way you can come and be wholly you with complete authenticity. Second, you may need to look outside your physical community. Sometimes, especially in smaller communities, you may feel like you cannot be fully authentic because everyone is connected to your church in some way. In those cases, you will need to look regionally or even broader. In those cases, you may find community through networks like cohorts, conferences, or online communities.

If you’re looking for a cohort that offers training and equipping as well as community and relationships, let me encourage you to check out Slingshot and connect with our friend Brian Aaby. Brian led a cohort that I was able to be a part of and that cohort changed my life. Aside from excellent coaching, training, and equipping, I have made lifelong friendships with some of the most amazing people.

Another awesome resource for community is being developed and launched by our friend Tim Eldred called The Authentic Pastor. This amazing resource provides a podcast, coaching, online community, and more. This is something Elise and I believe in so much that we have provided a review and are honored to contribute to.

I also want to remind you that Elise and I are here for you as well. This isn’t just a blog, it is a place to come and find community and refreshment. Our goal at Kalos is to build up a beautiful community that empowers and strengthens each member in their ministry, gifting, and calling. Simply put: we’ve got your back and are in your corner! You have a community here that is for you. You can always reach out to through our contact page and we are happy to encourage and walk with you.

Take a step of faith.

This is a broad statement that many could interpret different ways, so allow me to unpack it. First, maybe the step of faith is searching for community. Sometimes we default to the expectation that community should come to us. But community is a two way street. There are times we must step out and find that community for ourselves. It isn’t easy, especially when you serve in ministry because people tend to come to you. Now you may have to go find others for that community.

The second way I would interpret this statement is through the lens of asking, “Is this God’s way of helping me find what’s next in my ministry journey?” Sometimes we need more than a gentle nudging from God to see where He is calling us next. And often times, God allows us to walk through hardship to see the good and the hope He has prepared for us. Don’t read into that statement that you walk alone, because God often times is carrying you through those moments. So ask yourself, is God moving me to see where He is directing me?

Ask why you feel this way.

One of the best things you can do in these moments is self-assess. Sometimes it is helpful to step back and look at what is happening with a fresh set of eyes and an objective motivation. Doing this allows us to see what is really going on and hopefully begin to identify not only why this is happening but to also look toward a solution.

Sometimes we may be lonely due to our own busyness. Other times we may be lonely because we are the outsider in a tight-knit community. We may be lonely because the church is showing us the door. You may also be lonely if your age demographic isn’t represented. Looking at what is happening and asking why you feel this way, allows you to begin to address what is happening and move toward a healthy solution. It doesn’t mean you will like what you find or be excited (at first) about the solution. But it will help you grow and heal as you identify and move toward that goal.

Meet with a counselor.

Having a counselor is a blessing! In a position where we are often serving as a counselor to so many, having someone you can go to and be fully honest with is an amazing gift. When you are feeling alone and isolated, a counselor is a safe person with whom you can share and be honest about how you are feeling. Not only are they a safe person, they will also help you identify why you feel this way and help you move toward a healthy and beneficial solution.

Now I know not everyone has the luxury of finding a licensed, Christian-based counselor in their community for a variety of reasons. But there are other options as telahealth has truly grown by leaps and bounds. And one of the ways it has grown is through online counseling. There’s a Christian community of biblically sound Christian counselors at Faithful Counseling and it’s a wonderful place to get connected. Now you may be thinking, “What if the person I get paired with doesn’t understand me?” Great question! You can switch at any time without any additional cost. This is a win-win opportunity as you are connected with someone who loves and cares for you and will guide you toward healthy solutions.

As you’re finishing reading this post I want you to know three things: you are loved, you are not alone, and we are here for you! Know that you matter and you are here for a purpose. We are for you. We love you!

5 Tips for Hosting an End of the School Year Celebration

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We recently capped off our school year by hosting our “End of the Year Celebration.” We had local ice cream and other snacks, games, Drift Trikes, music, and small groups. It was an absolute blast with so many fun moments and memories.

Our rhythm has been that we scale back summer programming because we live in a tourist area. Our local populace leaves for vacation as the tourists come in, which presents unique circumstances to contend with. Our ministry engages the summer in a way that allows us to best minister to our students and families by hosting specific gatherings, events, and by incorporating different summer trips.

I know that not all of us enter the end of the school year in the same way. Many ministries run a full program year-round, so thinking about a year-end celebration may not sound like something you would host. But I would still encourage you, regardless of your ministry rhythms, to highlight the end of the school year for your students. There are certain milestones in our students’ lives that are important, but often slip by unnoticed, and this is one of them. Being able to recognize their hard work and achievement, and to celebrate the start of a new season, is important and will show them love and care.

If you host celebrations like these, how do you ensure they are successful and meaningful for your students while still supporting the vision and mission of your program? I want to share a few tips I have learned over the years that help to ensure that these moments are truly successful for your ministry, your leaders, and your students.

1. Make it relational and fun.

Year-end celebrations should be highly relational and centered around bringing students together to recognize the milestone. These are celebratory opportunities to engage and have fun with your students as they do the same with their friends. The end of the school year can be hyper-stressful and busy. Simply creating a space to have fun and celebrate with people who love and care about them gives students an opportunity to relax and feel seen and loved.

The focus of these celebrations should be about connection and community. So seek to have activities that bring people together, create moments for small groups to connect, provide free snacks, and encourage your leaders to hang out and connect with their students.

2. Utilize local resources.

One of my favorite things to do it support local small businesses whenever possible. We recently had a new ice creamery open in one of our nearby communities and we have partnered with them with great success. It isn’t just the local partnership that makes this a success. It’s the fact that our students know and love the ice creamery and when we announce we have them coming to an event, they are instantly excited and invite their friends. When you know your community resources and which ones attract students, you can utilize that resource to bless and engage your community.

3. Incorporate music, games, and activities.

One of the best things you can do is think about what type of environment you want for this event and what type of environment will bring in your students. One big thing you can do is have music playing that is fun and upbeat. Music helps to create an atmosphere and helps to ensure that there aren’t moments of awkward silence.

Think through the games and activities you’d like to have to celebrate this moment. You could have organized games or it could just be a free time type of night where students get to choose between multiple activities. I would also encourage you to not forget the students who aren’t game or large activity types of people. It is so important that those students know they are welcomed and valued in these moments. This could be as simple as setting up tables away from loud activities and speakers–but still within the space that everything is happening–which have board games, fidgets, coloring books, and other fun activities.

4. Make sure to speak truth to and pray for your students.

One of the things we need to remember is summer isn’t always fun or easy for all of our students. In fact, summer can be really difficult for students. There may be tensions and difficulties at home, they may lose a large piece of their community, there are shifts to rhythms and changes in schedules, there are decisions to be made about their future, and so many other factors competing for their focus. This isn’t true for all of our students, but it is important to remember these things because as we focus on the spiritual piece.

Make sure to carve out time speak a word of Biblical encouragement to your students and to pray for them. This doesn’t need to be a 45-minute lesson; it can be short and sweet but intentional and relationally-focused. The more authentic and intentional this time is, the more students will feel seen and understood.

5. Honor your leaders.

In as much as this is an event and celebration for your students, for many ministries these celebrations only happen because of your volunteers. So I would encourage you to find a way to honor and celebrate them in front of your students. This has a twofold benefit: it shows your leaders how appreciative you are of them, and it shows your students how important your leaders are. You are creating a culture that values leaders and students and highlights the necessity of a discipleship-centered ministry. All of this takes place as you point to your leaders and acknowledge them, their sacrifices, and their hard work.

What to do When Ministry Hurts

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This weekend is Mother’s Day, and can I be honest? I really don’t like this weekend or Father’s Day either. Not because I don’t like my parents, I love them to death. But because this is a hard time for Elise and I as we walk through the infertility journey.

Celebrating with others is hard. Watching all the moms get flowers, cards, and brunch dates is difficult as we sit in our pew waiting and hoping. It’s hard when people ask me questions like, “Don’t you want kids?” Or, “How are you able to lead our kids when you don’t have your own?” In so many ways we can feel unseen and alone.

These questions aren’t unique to Elise and I. Many of us who serve in ministry have been hurt by insensitive or calloused remarks. Things like, “When will you grow up and be a real pastor?” “Youth ministry is just childcare for teenagers.” “Oh you went on a retreat…guess you used up your vacation time.” “Do you really think you’re called to be in ministry?” Or, “You’re a woman, you can’t be a pastor.”

Words matter, and the words we share have great power and impact. I’m not saying anything that those of us in ministry don’t already know. We know the power of words, how they can build up and make you feel on top of the world, and how they can rip your heart out and make you feel like nothing. Ministry hurts sometimes. I don’t think it’s always intentional, but it can often feel like it is crushing your soul. But should we just give up? Should we just roll over? Do we just take it on the chin? What do we do when ministry is hard?

Lean into your networks.

One of the best things I’ve done in ministry is get connected with people who are in similar life circumstances and ministry careers. Being able to talk to people who understand the complexities of ministry and working within a church is huge, especially when they are third parties. They are there to walk with you, love you, and challenge you. These are the people who are in your corner and will have your back.

Find solace in the communities you trust.

In the networks and communities you have, you will most likely find people who you can relate to and connect with in deeper ways. When I joined my cohort in 2021, I never considered how deep and meaningful those relationships would become. But even within that cohort, I connected at a deeper level with two others and as we grew in our friendships we were shocked at how similar our stories were. Because of that unique bond we were able to love, support, and challenge one another on a deeper level. Within your communities you will find people with whom you connect on a deeper level and those who can be an even stronger, supportive community.

Model a caring community to others.

Sometimes dealing with hurt, especially when it’s coming from within a church or ministry, means you need to be able to explain and model what a caring community looks like. Here is what I mean by saying this: sometimes people, and even church communities, don’t know or understand that what they are saying, doing, or implying is actually causing hurt. Whether it’s out of ignorance or lack of understanding, people can do and say things that hurt. Because of this, we may need to model and educate what a truly caring community looks like. In doing this, it isn’t about trying to be smarter or better but instead about helping your communities grow and become more like Jesus in how they love and care for one another. This isn’t easy, but it is something that could truly help generate change and growth.

Be honest with yourself.

There are times I just want to dismiss hurtful things that are said or done. I just want to push it down and pretend like it doesn’t hurt. But the more we dismiss our emotions or push them down to a place we think they won’t return from, the more we are hurting ourselves. It is okay to be honest, to say how you feel or how things have effected you. It’s not wrong to emote and display what you’re feeling. It’s not okay to bury those feelings or to lash out which will happen when you keep trying to push those emotions down.

So be honest with yourself and those closest to you. Let your feelings, emotions, and thoughts be known. If you’re hurting it’s okay to let that hurt be known to yourself and those closest to you. I will say this: it is okay to be honest with those who have said or done things to you (whether unintentionally or intentionally), but be mindful of how you do it and what you say. Words and approach matter deeply, especially when you’re in a leadership position. It doesn’t mean not sharing how you’re feeling, it means doing it in a way that helps them to understand and prayerfully evoke change.

Talk to a counselor.

One of the best things I have done since moving to Pennsylvania is start to see a counselor. It’s honestly helped me in so many ways. It allowed me to address past trauma, to understand the hurt I’ve experienced from churches, how to share my emotions and feelings with Elise, and how to handle different moments that arise each day that often seem out of my control (because they are). I know that in some ways there is still a stigma attached to seeing a counselor, but this will be something that truly will help you process and work through the hurt in your life. It isn’t a one-and-done type scenario. It may take months or years, but ultimately it will help you understand and heal from the hurt that you’ve experienced.

Be honest with your spouse and protect your family.

Sometimes we try to mask our pain from our spouse and family because we think are protecting them. Other times we mask the hurt to keep them from experiencing that same hurt and becoming embittered toward the church. However, that response is not only unhealthy and self-destructive, it will also harm the relationships you have with your family. They aren’t immune to the hurt you’re experiencing, and even when we think we hide it well, we really don’t. Being able to share where you’re at with your spouse and in appropriate measures with the rest of your family allows you to have a safe place, a place of respite.

Listen to honest critique and trusted people.

I’m not always the best at receiving critiques and criticism. It usually sits with me for a long time and I tend to over process what was shared and allow it to affect me in ways it shouldn’t. But I’ve learned that when I have trusted people in my life who I know are for me, I can hear their insight and critique better. When it comes to working in ministry we will often hear criticism, both helpful and not. But when we hear it, we should measure it and see if it is helpful and true. And sometimes figuring this out means going to those you trust and asking for insight even if it isn’t the insight you want. When you have trusted people you can go to, it helps you to self-reflect and self-assess to find ways that you may need to grow and mature. Bringing in trusted people gives you a safe place to process and grow.

The Value of Community Partnerships

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As a church and specifically as a student ministry we are blessed to have multiple community partnerships. Throughout our time in Hershey I have made it a priority to reach out to local restaurants, bakeries, community centers, organizations, and product service companies. And through that we have formed some amazing partnerships in which we have clearly seen God work.

We partnered with a local product service company to purchase Christmas gifts for our leaders and through those interactions we saw our contact start attending our church and become a member as well. Last year, we partnered with a local ice cream shop for a student event. The owner is a single parent and she and her team (all high school students) were so blown away by how our students and church treated them that they have offered to help us out whenever. This relationship was truly highlighted when the owner called us because she had a power failure and needed a place to keep her product. She is unchurched and as far as we can tell not a follower of Jesus. But she felt comfortable enough to reach out because she saw our church and our community as a safe and caring space.

But why should we utilize local community partnerships, especially if we can find cheaper options online? Is there a benefit? Is it worth it in the long run? Today, I want to highlight why I think these community partnerships are important and how these relationships can benefit all involved.

Think about who you will partner with.

This is key when it comes to building partnerships and making sure you are highlighting your vision and mission for your ministry. For each ministry or church, the organizations and people you partner with may look different, but there should be a purpose for who you partner with. For instance, we partnered with the local ice cream shop because it resonates with our students and presents an easy invite opportunity which meets a part of our vision. When we partner with local service companies for our t-shirts and branding, it allows for us to support a local organization, build relationships, and provide quality products, all of which are wins for us. So thinking through who you will partner with allows you to have the greatest impact and still hold to your vision and mission.

Always be mindful of follow up.

Sometimes it’s easy to utilize a vendor and after the event or function is done, simply not engage further. I don’t think this is out of any ill-will or malcontent, but because we have been conditioned that once we are done utilizing the service, contact doesn’t need to continue. I mean think about when you last followed up with a gas station attendant or your delivery driver. We don’t often do that, but when we do it shows intentionality and a desire to love and care for your community.

If you utilize a local company, follow up with them in various ways. Send them a Christmas card or show up with Christmas cookies, pop in with coffees for the staff, send them an update on how their product or expertise helped the program or students. If their products benefited others or were used on a trip, send them some photos and an update. Or you could simply show up to say hi and see how they’re doing. You could go to the shop often to just purchase products and say hello. It isn’t about “missionary dating” but instead focused on building relationships and caring for the community.

Show intentionality.

This is key when it comes to building partnerships. There should be an intentionality and missional approach to what we are doing, but we shouldn’t look at these individuals and companies as projects. Instead we should see this as an opportunity to bless, encourage, and show people who Jesus is. So as you think through your partnerships, think about how you can continue to build relationships. When we partner with different places and people, we think about what we need for our ministry and what would help it be a success. That means when we bring in a local ice creamery to cater an event, we encourage our people to go visit them, we highlight them to our students, we get to know the people serving and the owner, and we actually visit them at other times. You can do this with any partnership. Showing intentionality and engaging in relational community will highlight how important these relationships are, and it will help you build connections and relationships that will allow the Gospel to be shared.

Tip well.

This is a big thing for churches and ministries. A lot of times, Christians and churches garner a reputation for being cheap or poor tippers. If you’ve heard horror stories about tracts being left instead of a tip, they aren’t just stories; they’re true. Instead, when appropriate, it is a good idea to tip and tip well. If you’re using a local delivery service, tip the driver. Utilizing a local food vendor? Make sure to provide them with a generous tip to show them you care. Often times, people’s livelihoods are connected to their jobs, especially small local companies. So tipping well actually could make a huge impact in their lives and will be a welcomed income boost.

Build relationships and invite people into your community.

As you utilize local businesses and partnerships it allows you to build relationships and invite people into your church community. These are moments to foster relationships and show people the love of Jesus. In doing this you are letting them know that you see them as more than just a vendor but as a person that you care about. Pouring into the community should be an opportunity to care well for others and show them the power of the love of God. So invest in those relationships, be a resource and a place of hope, and value the person with whom you are interacting.

5 Tips to Help You Decompress Well

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Have you ever come home from work and felt like you’re still carrying the weight of everything from the day? Has what happened at youth group affected your entire day and kept you from sleeping? Have you struggled to not let work occupy your mind during your days off? Has work ever kept you from engaging or fully engaging with family?

Let’s be honest with each other: ministry is more than a job and due to various reasons we tend to give it more space in our lives than we should. I don’t believe the reasons we may do so are inherently wrong, but we have allowed them to take precedence. When this happens it actually interferes with our relationships, our decompression and time away from work, and it may also affect our relationship with Jesus and the church.

Ministry is an important calling but it is never meant to keep us from our relationships with God or our family, nor is it meant to keep us constantly working and never pausing to catch our breath and refresh. That means we must create boundaries and space to decompress and center ourselves so we can continue to do the work to which we have been called. Today, I want to share some ways that help me to decompress in an effort to help you create space and opportunities to do the same. These are not a one-size-fits-all approach, but perhaps these observations may be helpful and give you an opportunity to create your own boundaries and ways to decompress.

1. Turn your phone on “do not disturb.”

This is something I’ve been doing for the past year or so and let me tell you, it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made! Well that and deleting social media. Not having the constant tension or phantom leg vibrations from your phone going off and wondering what is happening is such a relief. Aside from the release of your phone continually going off, this also allows you to be wholly present in whatever circumstance you find yourself. You can focus on relationships over the electronics in your pocket, and you can let go of the tension that being “always on” cultivates in your heart and mind.

2. Leave your work stuff out of sight.

I find that if my work stuff (think laptop, sermon materials, etc.) is close at hand or always in my line of sight, I tend to be more willing to engage with it and do work even when I’m off. It seems that if something is visible, it then enters into our mind and never allows us to switch off. Instead, putting work stuff in a specific spot like an office or spare room or even leaving work stuff at work will be a huge help. I keep all of my stuff in my backpack and only take it out if, and only if, it is a necessity. Sometimes I even leave my laptop at work intentionally so as not to be distracted from the relationships at home and from decompression time.

3. Find someone to talk to other than your spouse.

Let me say this clearly before assumptions are made: you should always communicate and share what is going on at work and in your heart and mind with your spouse. You shouldn’t keep things from them. What I am advocating for is having someone you can go to who is a trusted third party. Ideally, this person isn’t connected to your church and is someone who you can speak with honestly. This should be someone who will also speak honestly with you and give you helpful feedback and critiques when needed.

4. Change your setting.

No, don’t quit, unless that would be the best thing for you and your family. But think about taking a break or vacation. It doesn’t have to be long or far away, but changing your surroundings and getting away for a little while is healthy. In order to do that well though, you must not take along work and things to do for work. Instead you need to allow for your mind, body, and soul to rest and breathe. This may mean you need to do an unplugged retreat or you may need to find how many days it takes you to stop focusing on work so you can truly take time to rest after that period has elapsed. It may mean you just need to get out in nature and go for a hike on your own, with your spouse, or with close friends. It may also be simply not going into the office and spending the day at home in your space with loved ones without the distractions of work.

5. Be willing to say “no.”

No is not a four letter word. In fact it is a word we should utilize in our vocabulary more often. If you’re like me, saying no is not easy. Sometimes when I say no I feel like I’m letting people down or I’m not doing enough. But that isn’t the case. Saying no allows you to create healthy rhythms and establish a balance that is necessary for anyone, but especially those in ministry. Saying no to additional hours to spend time with family is a good thing. Saying no because you’re at capacity is a good thing. Saying no to some things is not saying no to everything. It is about being intentional in what you say yes to, which means having to say no to other areas. It is about identifying priorities and what is most important and putting those things in the appropriate order.

The Importance of Training Leaders

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March Madness is in full swing and we love it in our house. (Let’s go Hawkeyes!!) As we have been watching it there are segments about the teams, players, and coaches that highlight how they made it into the tournament. In almost every single segment there is a focus on the training and community that the players and coaches have, and it highlights how necessary those components are to a championship level team.

The same can be said of our leaders: without the proper training and community we will not have the higher caliber teams we desire to help disciple our students. We must intentionally focus on generating training for our leaders in order to help them grow and mature in their skill sets and talents so they have the best opportunity to lead and pour into their students. But the question we need to think through is this: what is drawing our leaders to participate in training?

Today, I want to highlight some key reasons why leader training is important and necessary. These are aspects you can communicate out to your leaders in order to generate excitement and anticipation for the training you will be hosting. If you’re looking for ways to make leader training more than “typical training,” check out this post for some helpful resources.

It values our leaders and what they are doing.

When we host training opportunities it communicates that we see our leaders and value them enough to care about their growth and development. Training tells our leaders we desire for their gifts and strengths to be developed and we want to encourage them to be stretched and grown. Training shows them that they aren’t simply a warm body but a needed and integral part of the ministry and you want to help to develop them as they serve the ministry.

It encourages of growth.

Good leaders replicate leaders. When you are growing and developing it will be replicated to your people because you have seen its worth and value and want to share that with your team. This mentality will help your leaders to not only be excited about training but to also see opportunities for personal growth and development.

It allows us to share the “why” and the “value.”

Training allows you as the ministry leader to highlight why you are doing what you are doing, and the importance and value to what you are doing. There will be moments or seasons in every leader’s life where they ask, “Why am I still doing this?” It may be because of a tough interaction with a student, or a difficult season with a small group, or not seeing change in the lives of their students. Discouragement can happen to anyone. Instead of resting in it we need to help our leaders remember why we are doing what we are doing and the value of pouring into young people. Reminding them of these aspects will help to encourage, strengthen, and challenge your leaders to persevere and continue to pour into their students.

It builds community and unity.

Typically, teams are made of very different and unique people which is probably true of your volunteer leaders. I know I have people with different personalities, ages, backgrounds, influences, and skill sets and when you ask them to lead together it may seem like a tall task. But when you host trainings it allows you to help your team build community and unity by bringing them together, highlighting different gifts and skill sets, and allowing them to have fun together.

One of the things I love to do at our trainings is have food, partly because I like to eat but also because food fosters conversation and community. There’s a reason people tend to be more chatty around a table or at a restaurant. It’s because food helps us to lower our walls. So having food is a great opportunity to encourage community. You can also add in a mixer or some type of activity to get your group engaging with one another, and you can incorporate trainings that highlight unity and working together through differences. These types of atmospheres will help your team grow closer together as you unite to reach your students with the Gospel.

It allows us to answer questions our leaders have.

Our leaders are always being peppered with questions from students or they have questions for us about topics students raise. I try to be as helpful as I can during our programming, but often that doesn’t present the adequate amount of time needed to address questions. I have also noticed that if one leader has a question, whether their own or one raised by their small group, other leaders tend to have the same or similar questions as well.

Trainings allow us to go in-depth on questions our leaders are being asked. It also gives you another opportunity to help foster community and unity as leaders realize they aren’t alone in dealing with these questions and topics. These opportunities allow us to provide insight, guidance, and resources to our people to help them work with and love their students well.

I would also encourage you to utilize different voices when answering these questions. You may have veteran youth leaders who have already dealt with these topics and inviting them to share will do amazing things for your other volunteers. Also, consider bringing in outside personnel if applicable to help handle some of the questions and topics that are outside of your skill set or expertise.

It provides an opportunity to focus on your mission and vision.

When we take our leaders through training opportunities, it allows you to continue to drip your mission and vision into all that you do. You can help your leaders focus and remember what the ministry is striving to do. So as you walk through your training objectives, remember to bring it back to how these trainings help to embrace and advance your missional philosophy.

It allows your team to have fun together.

I love getting our leadership teams together because it provides an opportunity to hang out and enjoy life with one another. We are blessed to have leaders who enjoy spending time together and these trainings allow extended opportunities for them to fellowship and have fun. This happens over meals, through team building activities and icebreakers, and by creating intentional moments of community at each of our training events. These moments help your team to truly gel and have a good time with one another while still being on mission together for the advancement of the Gospel.