Tag: encouragement

How to Pursue Healthy Communication

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This past Sunday I had the privilege of preaching in our church’s main services on the topic of “sharing our story,” which was focused on how we can communicate the Gospel story in healthy and proactive ways. So often our communication styles are not helpful because we allow for a “me-centric” approach to conversations, and I was able to share how I believe Jesus desires us to have healthy conversations both within and outside of the church.

As ministry leaders, we must model healthy communication at all levels in order to help facilitate the discipleship process. Today, I want to share with you some ways we can engage in healthy conversations from an interaction between Nicodemus and Jesus in John 3. These tips are not all-inclusive, but are simply a starting point for how we can begin to navigate the conversations and interactions we have with one another.

Be someone who is willing to have conversations.

As ministry leaders we must be willing to engage in conversations, whether they are with people with whom we disagree, or people who share similar views. We must be willing to engage with people where they are at in a loving, Christ-centered way. Maintaining an open door policy in regard to conversations, questions, and direction will set the precedent that you are someone who is willing to walk with others.

Ask good questions.

Part of healthy communication is the ability to both ask and respond to questions in a proactive manner. Questions are a sign that someone is seeking knowledge, clarity, and understanding in regard to the topic at hand. Questions should not be feared, but welcomed, and the manner in which we respond to them will continue to establish rapport and trust with others.

In a conversation it is also beneficial for you to ask clarifying questions as you seek to provide wisdom and insight. Rather than simply providing answers, seek to understand before you respond. Asking good questions can help you uncover the heart behind the questions you are being asked, which will then allow for you to better minister to and care for your people. Asking questions will also help you avoid assumptions, which can lead to frustration, misunderstanding, and ultimately a breakdown in communication.

Use encouraging language.

Throughout Jesus’ interaction with Nicodemus, Jesus challenges him to think critically about his questions. Jesus doesn’t respond harshly or negatively toward Nicodemus, even though the answers to his questions may seem obvious to us. As we engage in conversations with others, we must be mindful of the language that we use. Negative language will push people away and give them a sour taste, not only toward the church, but also toward the Gospel. This is not to say that we do not speak truth, nor engage in difficult conversations. However, the manner and conduct with which we approach these conversations can allow for a healthier, fuller, and more honest dialogue to unfold.

Practice active listening.

We are a society and a church that as a whole struggles to listen well to others. Often we say that we listen, but the manner in which we do is passive listening. Passive listening entails looking for flaws in the person’s conversation or argument, listening to win, and finishing sentences before a thought is completed. This type of listening is neither productive or proactive. This type of listening is harmful and will not establish trust or continued opportunities to dialogue, as people do not feel heard and instead feel devalued in the moment.

What we need pursue as ministry leaders is active listening. Active listening entails paying attention to the other person’s statement(s) and asking clarifying questions in order to deduce the heart issue. The clarifying questions will allow for you to gain a better understanding of the issues at hand, as well as value the other person as you engage with their thought process and value their input. Active listening involves hearing the other person with a goal to understand them, before being understood.

Establish relational equity and trust.

It is important even prior to a conversation to be a person that others know they can trust because they have seen you model a trustworthy life. People should know they can trust you because you are not prone to gossiping or talking poorly about others, and they know that when they come to you they can expect the same treatment. This also involves following up with individuals, not in a nosy way, but in a way that demonstrates you care and value them enough to continue walking with them. This allows you to set the precedent that it is not a singular conversation, but a relationship that you value and respect.

Share your story.

It is important in healthy conversations to be transparent and vulnerable as you dialog. This requires tact and timing because we should not simply rush to share our story and in so doing, not allow others to share theirs. We should always defer to the other person and allow for them to share their story as they have come to us as a ministry leader. When it is appropriate, we can share our story of how God has worked in our life, or share other personal examples, to help others grow. It is important to remember the person came to you seeking clarity and understanding, not necessarily personal anecdotes, so be mindful of how much you share, and how long you share. You never want to dominate the conversation, but look instead to utilize your story to showcase the Gospel and its power.

The Importance of Sabbath

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This past week I was asked a question that I’ve been asked often during this season: how are you really doing? As I was preparing to answer with my usual, “I am just taking it one day at a time” response, I was hit with just how spent I had been feeling. I was busier than ever and with more and more being placed on my plate, I was just feeling overwhelmed.

Later on, I began to process the reasons why I was feeling this way. Sure, I have been putting in more hours. Yes, ministry looks different and I am doing things I never expected to make sure it’s a success. Of course I am pouring out more than I ever have to care for the people I shepherd. And there will always be difficult moments and conversations that leave you feeling inadequate and deflated. But was that it? Were these the reasons I was feeling so tired, overwhelmed, and weary?

This past Wednesday I found myself listening to a podcast by my friend Walt Mueller from CPYU. It was podcast about Sabbath with his guest A.J. Swoboda. The conversation hit my heart in a way it hadn’t before. Of course, as a ministry worker I am familiar with the concept of a Sabbath and have worked to make one of my days off a Sabbath each week. But hearing them share about how during this pandemic ministry personnel are not adhering to this commandment from God just broke me.

Walt shared a comment from A.J.’s book on how the Sabbath is the only commandment ministry leaders are encouraged to break, when breaking any of the others are grounds for being fully dismissed from ministry. I realized that during this season I haven’t been resting well. I haven’t honored this commandment.

Instead, I have poured out everything to make ministry work during this season. I’ve put in more hours than I care to admit. My phone is always on. Email is going constantly. I have been available all the time without fail. While these all sound good to an extent, without the constant filling from a Sabbath, we will inevitably find ourselves drained and weary.

I want to encourage you to rest and to incorporate a Sabbath into your regular rhythm. Turn off your phone or put it on “do not disturb.” Do not do ministry work on your Sabbath. Bring your spouse and family into this with you. Let your co-workers and ministry leaders know what you are doing and lead out as you encourage them to do likewise. We are called to honor God not just through our work ethics and hours, but also through how we honor the Sabbath and apply it to our lives.

My prayer is that this post doesn’t add guilt, but challenges us all to apply the Sabbath to our lives and to allow the deepness and richness of it to overwhelm us in positive ways. I want to encourage you to listen to CPYU’s podcast and to allow God’s truth to speak to your heart.

How do you apply the Sabbath to your life? What does your Sabbath look like?

How to Remain Strong in Difficult Times

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If you are like me, the past six months or so have been difficult to say the least. You are probably feeling tired, overworked, frustrated, stymied, caught in the middle, confused, and isolated. And that may just be the tip of the iceberg. Perhaps you are feeling worn out, exhausted, burnt out, or maybe you are considering stepping away from ministry.

I get it. The last few months have at times threatened to overwhelm me. Even just normal “work stuff” has become more complex and layered due to the realities of living life and doing ministry during a pandemic. And if we allow for this to go unchecked in our lives, we will find ourselves feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. Today, I just want to encourage you. To let you know you are not alone. To tell you that we are praying for you. But I also want to give you a few tips on how to remain strong during this present season.

Start an encouragement file.

This was something a mentor of mine encouraged me to start. Ministry is hard and can be very lonely. And during those hard moments, the Enemy loves to play with our minds and hearts and convince us that we have failed and are worthless. So instead of letting the critical comments, anonymous letters, or hurtful emails dictate who you are and how you view yourself, start a file of the good things that have happened. Print out and save the encouraging and affirming emails, the letters and notes from your students, the Christmas cards from families, the pictures from trips and baptisms, and write down and store the memories that encourage you. Then during the hard times, pull them out, read them, and remember the good things God is doing in and through you. I love that Paul actually gives us a little glimpse of this in his epistles. In Philippians 1, Paul talks about the good things that fellow believers have done and reflects on how that encourages him even while he is in prison. We too can find joy and encouragement during hardship.

Take a break and be still.

You may read that and scoff, “yeah right…a break…right now?” Yes, a break right now. Whether it is an entire day, a thirty minute break from everything going on, a run, a workout, or a weekend getaway, take a break. Turn off your phone or at least your social media. Leverage the time to fill your tank and refresh your mind, body, and soul. Disconnect, fill up, and refresh even if just for a few moments. Allow yourself to breathe and rest because it is necessary, and more than it being necessary, being still and resting is a command from God. If we are not resting in Him and slowing down, we will burn out. So find time to rest and be still.

Bring others in.

Elise and I have talked often about the necessity for counseling, and this is especially important in the lives of ministry leaders. We need safe people to go to as much as anyone else. It may not be a trained counselor but it may be a trusted friend and confidante. Having someone you can go to and share about your struggles and frustrations is freeing and healing. But I would also encourage you to go to someone who not only hears you, but also offers counsel and practical advice. Go to someone you trust who is wise and understands, and will seek to guide and walk with you during these moments. Simply having someone to talk to will bring about peace and encouragement in your life.

Remember your calling.

God didn’t call you because you are perfect. He didn’t call you because you know everything. He called you because you are the right person for exactly where He has placed you. He knows your shortcomings but also knows your strengths. He knows your heart and passion because He gave it to you. He knows that the negativity has caused you to question if you are good enough. And through His Son, you are. Remember that God has called you to do good works that He prepared beforehand. You are called, chosen, and set apart for the kingdom of heaven. God has given you all that you need to lead others. Do not allow for this season to make you question your calling but instead to see it as an affirmation of it. If you felt fine, and if this life were easy, you wouldn’t be where God needs you. But the fact that life is hard, that your soul weeps for your people, that you are seeking wisdom and direction, are clear indications that the Spirit of God is at work in your heart because you seeing this world as He does.

Start a new hobby or activity.

This may seem odd to suggest adding one more thing to your calendar, but hear me out on this one. In ministry the work seems to never be completed. You can find yourself frustrated and overworked because the work is never done. One of the things I have found helpful is doing something that I can complete. I love cooking and cleaning, which sounds odd, I know. But when I look at it from an outside perspective I realize I enjoy it because not only can I complete something but it brings joy to others. I also found I enjoy candle making for the same reasons: I can see a project completed and watch it bless others. So let me encourage you to start something new and run with it. Maybe it is starting a workout program, maybe it’s going for walks, maybe it is actually taking a Sabbath, or starting a new book that is not related to ministry. Starting a new hobby or activity will not only be refreshing but it will also bring joy and health into your life.

Lastly, I simply want to share with you the words of Jesus to His disciples. Words that He shared to them when they felt like their world was caving in and they didn’t know what to do from John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Always remember that you matter and have value, and that Christ will sustain you. The King of Heaven and Earth has overcome everything, and gives that power to you through Him. My fellow laborers, take heart. This time will pass, refreshment and joy will return, and you will see the fruits of your labors. Be encouraged, my friends, for Christ has overcome this world.

Encouragement for this Season

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For so many of us, life during the pandemic has been a struggle we could never have imagined. And trying to do ministry in the midst of it may have left you feeling more discouraged than ever before. Wherever you are in this season of life, we want to offer some encouragement, with the hope of lifting each other up so that we can continue to fight the good fight.

It’s okay to struggle.

I think sometimes we can convince ourselves that if we’re struggling, we’re not doing something right. We can subconsciously believe that things related to our faith should come easy, should feel a certain way. We can believe that struggle is a sign of weakness, and as leaders in the church, shouldn’t we be the strong ones who do not struggle? I think the devil likes when we are here, when we think we’re alone and no one else will understand, when we think we must project an image of strength. But the Bible says something different.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

If struggle, or weakness, means Christ will be all the more glorified through us, then it is not something to be reviled. If it humbles us to see that we can only serve by God’s grace and power, then it rids us of unhealthy expectations and feelings of pride. Our natural tendency is to resist things that are unpleasant or difficult, but instead we should challenge ourselves to look for God in those places. Ask Him what He is doing, what He wants to teach us, and what He wants to accomplish. This will give meaning and purpose to the painful places in life, and quite possibly help us to see that there is a point to the struggle.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

You are needed.

Ministry jobs can be extremely thankless. In fact, they can be some of the most painful jobs because everyone is a critic and their criticism can be easily directed at you. If your personality type takes critical comments to heart, it can be difficult not to get bogged down in the mess. You might begin to question yourself, your abilities, even your calling. But the truth is, God’s “gifts and calling are irrevocable” (Romans 11:29), and He has given you your unique gifting for a purpose.

But one and the same Spirit is active in all these, distributing to each person as He wills. For as the body is one and has many parts, and all the parts of that body, though many, are one body—so also is Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and we were all made to drink of one Spirit. So the body is not one part but many. … But now God has placed each one of the parts in one body just as He wanted.

1 Corinthians 12:11-14, 18

The truth is that you are needed within the local and global church. You have a unique calling, a gift ordained by God for you to use in service to Him. Because of this, you have a special part to play in His kingdom work, regardless of what anyone else says. You may not hear it often enough, so let me say it: Thank you for what you do. You are important, valuable, and necessary to the body of Christ.

Don’t give up.

Some of the most painful moments in ministry have been the ones where I’ve watched people walk away. Not just from me, or from the church (though those hurt immensely), but from Jesus Christ. To have someone you once looked up to, or counted as a co-laborer, give up on their faith and walk away is jarring, discouraging, and can leave you asking a million questions. We could get into a conversation about whether their faith was genuine to begin with, but in the end only God knows. The important thing for us as ministry leaders is to carry out the work we have been given, to fulfill our calling, and to fight with all the power of heaven to never give up.

Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest, and your feet sandaled with readiness for the gospel of peace. In every situation take the shield of faith, and with it you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is God’s word.

Ephesians 6:10-17

There may be seasons of life where you have to take a break from doing full-time ministry. You may need a season of healing, time to recuperate and allow God to heal the broken places. Those are good, necessary things. But I want to encourage you, especially in the moments of pain, do not allow your heart to be pulled away from God. Let Him be the source of life, light, and restoration. Find others who love Jesus and can walk with you, helping you to remain rooted and focused on Him. When human relationships fail you, because undoubtedly they will, remember that the ultimate fight is not against humanity, but against the darkness.

The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom should I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom should I be afraid? When evildoers came against me to devour my flesh, my foes and my enemies stumbled and fell. Though an army deploys against me, my heart is not afraid; though a war breaks out against me, still I am confident.

Psalm 27:1-3

In these difficult times, we want you to know that you are not alone. Part of the reason we started Kalos was to create a safe place where we could help nourish and build up the student ministry community. We want to encourage and support you, and for all of us to be able to support each other. If you would like prayer for a general or specific need, please contact us. If there is a topic you would like us to cover in a future blog post, please let us know. We are in this together for God’s kingdom and eternal glory.

5 Tips for Navigating Current Conversations

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Our current cultural climate has sparked many a heated conversation. If you utilize social media, no doubt you’ve at least witnessed, if not engaged in, an online debate that at one point or another turned ugly.

As representatives of the Gospel to our students and the world, we must frequently ask ourselves: How can I reflect Christ Jesus in all of my interactions?

In this week’s blog post, we want to offer encouragement and some simple suggestions for navigating conversations in a healthy, God-honoring way. Rather than simply disengaging, we want to interact in ways that will show people the heart that Jesus has for the world.

1. Seek to reflect Jesus Christ.

This may be the most simple and obvious suggestion, but it is no doubt the most difficult. It involves challenging ourselves to operate beyond our natural tendencies, personal opinions, and cultural assumptions.

The best way to reflect Jesus is to know Him, so starting each day in the Word and prayer will help to orient your thoughts and attitudes toward Him. Before engaging in conversations, ask God to give you words to say that will bring Him glory, and ask Him to help you treat each person like an image bearer. This simple step can help rein in a heated response or gut reaction and cause us to refocus on what truly matters.

May we remember that the advancement of the Gospel is more important than anything else we may hold dear.

2. Avoid making it political.

Issues within our culture are often assigned a political bent, and based on where we fall politically, we will see these issues differently. But before an issue is a platform, it is something that affects human lives and hearts. As a representative of the Gospel, may we challenge ourselves to care more about other people than about our political leanings.

Instead of looking for ways to spark (or win) a debate or argue a political point, seek to emulate God’s heart for people. Demonstrate His presence, His care, and His ultimate solution for all humanity’s problems–salvation through Jesus Christ.

May we win more hearts to Him than political debates.

3. Meet people where they are.

For the daily issues we encounter, there is not a one-size-fits-all solution. People will experience and deal with problems differently. Rather than assigning the same cookie-cutter solution, or writing off someone’s struggles, seek to meet people where they are and help them in that place.

This is especially important when interacting with your students. It can be easy to lump students all together, and therefore think that they should all feel the same way and deal with their issues similarly. However, things like personal experience, home life, and mental health, will cause students to view the world and their problems very differently.

This is why it is extremely important to invest time into understanding others before we seek to help them or offer solutions. Some ways to do this are outlined in the following points.

4. Ask questions, and don’t assume you know the answer.

The only way to get to know someone is to learn about them, and the best way to uncover their needs, hurts, and life experience is to ask questions. Don’t assume anyone has had the same life experiences you’ve had, and don’t assume they respond to problems the same way. We are each complex individuals, and even though we may have similar life experiences or beliefs, we are all different.

In fact, to make assumptions is to cheat yourself out of knowing someone else, and to rob them of the opportunity of being known. Assumptions cheapen relationships, and cause us to miss out on the gift of knowing each other. Even if you think you know the answer, ask. Allow others to open up, to share about themselves, and to get to know you, too.

May we seek to know each other, rather than assign labels and assumptions.

5. Listen to understand before responding.

Many of us have experienced this type of conversation: no matter how many times you try to explain something, the person you’re talking to is more concerned with their response than what you are actually saying. This leaves you feeling frustrated, unheard, and ready to give up on the other person. And unfortunately, these types of interactions frequently happen in a church context.

Let us do whatever we must not to become the person who responds without listening. You may have the Sunday School answer, but to do this is to ignore the person and focus on making a point, which is ultimately dehumanizing. Instead, challenge yourself to pay attention to others, to think about what they are saying as they are saying it, and to ask clarifying follow-up questions. Active listening demonstrates your care and regard for others, and shows that they are more important to you than simply winning a debate. It can also show that you hold them as more important than yourself.

Seeking to understand others is a way of building bridges between us, rather than walls. Bridges are a way to connect not only with each other, but to introduce others to the God whom we serve. May that be our ultimate goal in these days and the days to come.

Ministering to Students Experiencing Depression

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Depression can be defined as feelings of dejection and hopelessness that typically last for more than two weeks. A study released in 2019 showed that the rates of teen suicide and depression drastically increased from 2007 to 2017. According to a nationwide poll by the University of Michigan, one third of parents believe that they have at least one child who suffers from depression.

When we think about the implications that this has on our students and families, it should give us pause to step back and assess how our students are doing.

It is clear that depression is a major issue in our communities as doctors are seeing a rise in cases of anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicide attempts that are at epidemic proportions. Our students are hurting, and we need to know how to love and care for them during this volatile time. So how do we do this well?

Be a safe person.

Students want to have people in their lives they can trust and go to in difficult times. It is helpful to think about how we reflect this value to our students and show them that they can come to us without judgement or criticism.

When we love our students well and show them that we are there for them, they will be more prone to share what is truly going on. This will then allow for us to administer direct and appropriate care quicker because we know the true issue. Create intentional conversations during everyday activities, and take an interest in your students’ lives as you engage with them. This will show them that you are on their side and truly care about them and what they are dealing with.

Be real.

Students want people in their lives who are authentic and transparent with them. When it comes to shepherding our students, we need to empathize and sympathize with them and let them know it is okay to not be okay. It is okay if they feel hurt or are depressed, but it isn’t okay to stay there and let it grow and fester.

Be honest with your students and let them know that you understand. Don’t look to judge or criticize, but listen and seek to understand. Tell them that they are loved and valued, and that you will walk with them through this. Make sure that your actions mirror your words because students are looking for authenticity and relationships.

Know the signs.

It is important to know what we are dealing with, but how do we identify depression? There are numerous resources online about the symptoms of depression but some key identifiers include the following:

  • Changes in behavior
  • Withdrawing from friendships
  • Changes in eating and sleeping habits
  • Agitation
  • Irritability
  • Restlessness
  • Lack of energy or drive
  • Poor performance in school
  • No longer finding pleasure in things they once enjoyed

No one symptom immediately denotes depression, but if the symptoms are prolonged (present for more than two weeks) and noticeable, it may be time to dig in and ask your student how they are really doing.

Seek to understand.

As you talk to your students, listen for key phrases and watch for reactions and emotional responses. A great way to understand your students would be to think through asking questions like these:

  • What feelings are you experiencing?
  • When do find yourself feeling that way?
  • When did you first start feeling this way?
  • When do these feelings seem strongest?
  • How are your friendships going?
  • Has there been a big change in your life recently?
  • Have you lost anything (i.e. friendships, a family death, a pet, grades, etc.)?
  • How often are you on social media?
  • Are you being bullied or picked on? When does this tend to happen?

These questions will allow you to better understand what is happening. They are not the culminating factor to your conversation, but instead allow you to invest, assess, and better respond to your students and their struggles.

Utilize Scripture.

We cannot minimize the power of Scripture when it comes to our daily lives. I am not advocating that we simply tell our struggling students to read their Bible and pray more, but I would always encourage that we use Scripture as our basis for truth and growth. Some great Bible passages about depression and working through it include: Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 30:5, 11-12, Psalm 46:1, Hebrews 4:15-16, 1 Kings 19:4-6, and Psalm 42:5.

Take advantage of resources.

There are resources at your disposal to help in cases of depression or in trying to identify if depression truly is affecting your students. The first is talk to people in their lives like teachers, small group leaders, and parents. They may be able to provide additional information or resources to you.

You should also know trusted counselors in your community. Begin reaching out to various counselors and counseling offices before the need exists, which will allow you to be better prepared and equipped when needed. In building these relationships, you will find others who share your values and/or beliefs and can be sources of professional help for your students.

Make sure to build your own resources and knowledge as well. Utilize online resources, books, medical journals, and ministry tools to help you have a more comprehensive understanding of depression. In doing this you are not only increasing your knowledge but also equipping yourself to be a better care giver for you students.

It is also important to encourage utilizing modern medicine. It is never a bad thing to seek out help and treatment, and for some cases, this is highly encouraged. They are able to diagnose different causes and symptoms we may not see or know about, and can therefore better treat them and help our students live better.

Depression is hard. It is a difficult road for anyone struggling with it, but we have the privilege of standing in the gap for our students. We get to love them, care for them, and point them to Jesus in all things. My prayer is that these thoughts help you to better step into your student’s life and walk with them through the difficult moments.

What resources have you used to help your students who are battling depression?

The Spiritual Upward Spiral

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I want to talk to you about a way I think about growth in Jesus; at least, about how spiritual growth has taken place in my life. In describing this, I will use the picture of a spiral.

Picture in your mind a spiral staircase. Imagine that you are above it, looking straight down on it, like you are looking at a blueprint of a building’s floorplan. The staircase will like a wheel with spokes. The “spokes” are the steps, and the “rim” of the “wheel” is the handrail. It also looks like a clock face. The steps are like the hands of the clock and the they point to “12 o’clock,” “1 o’clock,” “2 o’clock,” “3 o’clock,” etc.

As you go up the stairs, you pass “12 o’clock” several times. The first time you pass it you are low on the stairs, the next time you are a little higher, and then you are higher yet as you pass it a final time.

This has been a helpful picture for me in understanding how God has grown me in Jesus. The different “o’clocks” I have encountered on the way up are key truths about God and His plan for my life. Things like: God loves me, God is faithful, I must trust Him, Jesus took all my sin, heaven is real, the Bible is God’s sure Word, etc. As God leads me along in spiritual growth, I find myself coming back to truths I have known for a long, long time. Truths in most cases which are quite simple. But now I am at a different place in my life, “higher up the spiral staircase;” that is, God has grown me since I first heard that He loved me and now I am learning about His love in even deeper and broader ways.

Let’s keep going with the truth that God loves me to illustrate further what I mean: God loves me. Well, who, having been raised in Sunday School from childhood, has not known this from earliest memory? One of the first verses we memorize as children is John 3:16, the beautiful revelation of God’s love for the world. And yet the depth of God’s love is something I need to learn about more and more as I walk with Jesus.

A globally known and respected theologian of the last century was asked later in life, “After all your study, what is the greatest truth you have learned?” His answer? “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” Those, of course, are lyrics to a simple, well-known children’s Sunday School song.

The Apostle Paul talked about God’s love in this way: “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:17-19, NIV).

If that is the way it is with God’s love—so deep I need His power to grasp it, then I need to return to it often in my forward and upward progress in Jesus.

Here is my second example: God’s kind and repeated command, “Do not fear.” The fact that God repeats this so many times in the Bible (I have never counted, but someone has said that this word from the Lord is in the Bible 365 times, one for every day of the year) tells me I need to revisit it over and over and over again.

When I first encounter it, my life may be going very smoothly and so I easily, and perhaps glibly, agree, “I don’t need to fear anything!” But then, later at another point in life, I find myself in circumstances that are generating fear in a whole new way, in a deeper, disturbing way. Now I need to learn more from God about how He helps me with my fears.

This brings me to some past sermons. In one, we studied the well-known account of Jesus washing His disciples’ feet in John 13. Christ’s call upon His followers to serve is something we need to revisit over and over as we progress in Christ.

The sermon before that was from 2 Peter 1 where Peter says, essentially, I know you already know all this but you need, desperately need, reminding. Remember to add to your faith the seven key qualities of virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, and love. Remember.

One way this picture of a “spiritual spiral” helps me is by reminding me that there are not an infinite number of truths I need to know and master in order to mature in Jesus. It seems that there are a somewhat limited number of really basic truths which I need to learn. As I come around to those truths again, like on the ascending staircase, I learn them again in a deeper and fuller way, and then even more as I come around to them again.

God leads us to revisit fundamental truths about Him and His will for us. And, as we are at different places in our lives with each visit, we learn of Him in new ways. It is like an ascending spiral, the ascending spiral of spiritual growth. He is leading us upward and onward to our final destination—becoming mature Christians who are given a rich welcome into glory to live with Him forever!

Tom Loyola is a senior pastor at an Evangelical Free Church in Iowa. He and his wife Sue Ann have partnered together in pastoral ministry since 1984 and are the parents of two children. Tom received his Master of Theology and Doctor of Ministry degrees from Dallas Theological Seminary and enjoys reading, running, oil painting, and a good movie.

How to Help Students Dealing with Anxiety

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Students today are struggling with more than ever before. The pressures of academic success, making it into college, participating in extracurricular activities, holding down a job, shifting political climates, threats of violence, struggling with their identity, and trying to live for Jesus in a world that is dynamically opposed to Him are just a few of the pressures our students are facing. And that is all before COVID-19 began to cause even more undue anxiety and fear in people’s lives.

Perhaps as you read that relatively short list, you began to feel overwhelmed or exhausted yourself. That is just a taste of what our students are facing, and what we are seeing as a result of all these pressures is an increase in anxiety and fear. Having moments of occasional anxiety is a normal part of life, but chronic and consistent anxiety is on the rise, and students are bearing the brunt of this.

The American Psychological Association defines anxiety as an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure. The issue we must understand is that this definition is meant to highlight occasional moments of anxiety, and these symptoms for many students are prolonged and debilitating. The National Institute for Mental Health provides many helpful symptoms and identifying traits for those who may be struggling with prolonged anxiety stemming from a variety of disorders. Knowing the signs and symptoms will allow for us to better prepare to speak into the lives of our students and care for them in all circumstances.

Understanding that anxiety exists and is a part our students’ lives is the first step, but simply identifying a problem or issue is not enough. We must proactively engage and dialogue about these issues and look to help our students move through them.

So what can we do? I want to provide you with a few helpful tips to actively engage with your students and help them to live in the freedom the Gospel provides in a corrupt and broken world.

Engage in conversation.

I know at first glance this may seem simplistic because of course we communicate with one another. But students today don’t just want to communicate, they want to be heard and supported. Take time to actively engage with your students by asking questions and listening. When students respond, don’t simply look to generate a result or solution, but instead hear what they are saying, look to the heart issue, and walk with them. Open ended questions, like the ones listed below, are great at generating dialogue and insight.

  • What was the best part of your day?
  • What was difficult for you today?
  • How did you support your friends today?
  • How did you feel loved today?
  • When did you feel the most anxious today?
  • Share with me one high point and one low point from your day.
  • How did you encourage someone today?

Encourage families to create margin.

We are busy people. Life is always going, we are always doing something. It is essential for families to create space to just be and engage in life together. Instead of doing more things together, it is helpful to allow for there to be a time and place to just breathe. Whether it is an unplugged night together playing games, a family dinner, or spending time together after church. Creating margin and a relaxed place will allow for openness and easier communication.

Pray for and with your students.

When you are engaging in conversation with your students you will intrinsically pick up on ways to be praying for them. Students don’t always offer up requests of the heart, but in hearing them and walking with them you will find new ways to pray for them. This is also an awesome opportunity to model discipleship and soul care as you pray with them. Pray for them by name, lift up their requests, and follow up with them on what you prayer for.

Focus on the Gospel and speak truth.

Our world is broken and corrupt. Pain and fear run rampant. Our day to day is unknown. But we don’t serve this world and ultimately it has no power over us. I would encourage you that if and when your students come to you with fear or anxieties, speak openly about where our hope comes from, and how because of it we can live without fear. I would also say do not simply wait for your students to come to you to talk about this, but instead begin the conversations earlier. The sooner we practice and teach on this, the more beneficial it will be for our students. Here are some helpful Scripture passages to share with your students:

Be willing to bring others in.

There will be times when it is necessary to seek assistance in helping our students. When we may not have the answers, or do not know how to help, it is good to reach out for assistance. Having resources and contacts outside of the church is essential. Build a network of counselors, crisis intervention specialists, and emergency personnel you can reach out to in times of need. This is not implying you are ill-equipped, but instead recognizing that the strengths and skills of others will help you best care for your students.

Tips for Maintaining Your Spiritual Health

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When life feels up-ended, it can be easy to let our spiritual health decline. Other things crowd in–whether it’s work, the needs of others, or our rapidly changing context–and we shift into a “survival mode” that can cause us to neglect our spiritual well-being. But if we are honest, if we don’t maintain our spiritual in-flow, we won’t survive for long.

We want to encourage and challenge you to make your own spiritual health and relationship with Jesus the top priority during this challenging time, and going forward. Sometimes that can be easier said than done, so today we’re sharing suggestions for prioritizing and enriching your spiritual growth.

Spend time in the Word for your own spiritual enrichment

If you are a ministry leader, you are no doubt already spending time in the Scriptures as you lesson plan. You might be preaching multiple weekly messages, preparing devotional materials, and mentoring individuals. This can result in a lot of time spent in the Bible, but not necessarily concentrated on your own growth.

Before you dive into Scriptural “work-study,” spend time in personal Bible reading, even if it’s only for a short period of time. If you can, find a quiet place where you can rest as you read, looking to hear from God and refresh your spirit. Spend time in prayer, specifically asking the Holy Spirit to speak to you and strengthen you for the work to come.

Establish healthy boundaries between work and personal time

It can be easy to let work bleed into your personal and family time, especially if you’re working from home. Taking calls, responding to texts, jumping on your computer to do something “real quick,” can begin to add up. You may struggle with what to prioritize, especially when it comes to ministry.

There will always be exceptions, but as much as you are able, set boundaries between “work time” and “home/family time.” This may mean keeping up regular office hours, and then setting your phone on “do not disturb” after they have ended. Or it may mean working in blocks of time and setting aside other blocks for personal and family time. Whatever you decide, don’t forget to explain it to your team or those who may be contacting you during “off” hours.

This may feel selfish at first, but it is essential to maintaining your mental health, your spiritual health, and your relational health with family and friends. If you don’t set aside time for these things, ministry work can easily take over your entire life, leaving you feeling burnt out and depleted.

Engage with church services for your own benefit

For ministry workers, church services are often times that are focused on work, and what’s coming next. It may be hard to dial in as your mind is already on what needs to be done as soon as the service is over, or what’s coming up in the week ahead. Whether you participate in your own church’s service, or another one online, give yourself the space to listen, engage, and grow.

Let us encourage you to actually pause and worship with your church community. Eliminate the noise and worship with your family without the worries of what is coming up. Seek to simply be present and worship. Read the Word of God with the church, take notes throughout the sermon, sing loudly without worry of who may hear. Engage with your family before, during, and after the service is done. Respond to what God’s Word is doing in and through your life.

If you find that you have more to do on a Sunday because you have become the “official tech guru,” you can still find meaningful ways to worship. To the best of your ability, seek to engage with and respond to the service as you contribute to it. Or, you may find it helpful to rewatch the service later, or listen to another one online.

Pursue mentorship

Due to our present circumstances, mentoring is something that can easily fall by the way-side. If we can’t meet in person, we may stop meeting altogether. However, mentoring is just as important now as we seek to do ministry in new ways. So we want to encourage you: keep seeking to be mentored and to mentor. In light of social distancing, this will most likely mean meeting via video chat or phone call, but the ability to have real, honest conversations is essential to maintaining spiritual health.

Engage in other spiritual exercises

Our current context calls for creativity, especially when it comes to spiritual growth. We may have to work a little harder to focus on Jesus and building our relationship with Him, but it is so incredibly worth it. Here are a few of our ideas for creatively engaging with God and His Word.

  • Practice journaling. As you read the Bible and pray, journal your thoughts and prayers. This is an excellent way to keep track of what God is teaching you, to respond to His Word, and to see how and when He answers specific prayers. If you’re creatively inclined, you can use different colors, lettering styles, and sketches to add to your writings.
  • Meditate on Scripture. Select a passage that speaks to your current context, whether it is something you are struggling with, something you want to work on, or an area of life where you need encouragement. Write the passage on a card and keep it beside your bed. When you wake up in the morning, before fully getting out of bed, take time to read the Scripture and ask God to bring it to your mind throughout the day. You can also come back and read over it during the day.
  • Listen to podcasts. This is something you can do while you’re cleaning, working out, or doing mundane daily activities. We especially love podcasts that help us think more deeply about what we believe and why. In the fall we shared a few of the podcasts we enjoy listening to. These can also help generate good discussions at home!
  • Engage in spiritual conversations with friends. Ask your friends what they are learning from God’s Word; share what He is teaching you. It is incredibly encouraging to talk through what God has been saying to us, and to hear how He is speaking to others.

How have you been maintaining your spiritual health during this season of life?

Caring for High School and College Seniors During COVID-19

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While we are all attempting to navigate this new phase of life in which we find ourselves, for high school and college seniors it is especially difficult. All students are missing out on the same things, but for seniors, many rites of passage and coming-of-age events have been torn from their grasp.

Seniors are dealing with proms being cancelled, musicals being postponed, graduations being suspended or moved online, not seeing their friends, and missing out on all the things we took for granted just over a month ago. NBC shared an article that highlights how seniors are feeling and attempting to navigate this period of loss. They feel they are losing their friends, their education, and part of their identity as they cannot engage in the normal social protocols that surround senior year.

Our seniors are hurting and grieving as they experience loss at an entirely new level. During this time we can dial in and look to love, care for, and encourage our seniors. But how do we go about doing that? I want to share with you five ways that we can practically engage our seniors while we are home together. These ideas can be implemented through your ministry or passed along to parents to implement with their senior.

1. Pray for them.

This is huge and cannot be overstated. Praying for our students as a whole is essential, but praying for our seniors who are struggling in unique ways is extremely important. Seniors are walking through loss, questioning why things happen, asking if anyone cares, and wondering if God is in control. To be able to pray for our seniors is a privilege and allows us to go before God on their behalf. Pray for their hurts and loss, pray for them to be encouraged, pray for their identity, and pray for their future. May this time lead them into even deeper relationships with Jesus that will shape their lives going forward.

2. Allow them be heard and grieve.

There is a huge sense of loss right now for seniors and they are grieving. They are looking for an outlet for their emotions and feelings, but sometimes bottle them up because they don’t know how their response will be received. Be willing to let them share without judgement. Let their pain, anger, frustration, and sadness be vocalized. Here are a few ways to help students grieve:

  • Give them a safe space to share their emotions at their pace.
  • Listen carefully and respond appropriately – you are not meant to be the fixer but instead a supporter during this time.
  • Don’t hold too tightly to responses that are out of character.
  • Don’t minimize their feelings.
  • Love and champion them during this time.

3. Encourage connectivity.

This may seem a bit odd at first. How do we do this in a world of social distancing? But what we must remember is students are not just grieving loss of graduation and prom, but friendships and community as well. It is important that we help our students connect with their friends during this time, and we must understand that community will look different.

Most, if not all, of community is taking place digitally as a result of Covid-19. Encourage your senior to connect with friends through calls, FaceTime, group chats, and whatever other forums they use. Another huge aspect would be to make sure they are connecting with their youth group leaders and small groups. Youth leaders can set up various ways to communicate and even short conversations help a student to know they are loved and valued.

4. Pour into their lives.

Isolation is a big deal for all of us, but especially for seniors. They need people encouraging and loving them. Encourage parents especially to make the most of this time to grow closer to their seniors and be present with them. Parents can focus on helping them to grow as an adult, teach them practical skill sets, spend time hanging out together, and help them grow spiritually. We have been given an opportunity to engage with our students in new ways; let’s make the most of the time we have. Two questions to give to parents to help them think through how to do this are:

  • What would I want to share with my senior before they leave for college?
  • What is something that if my senior were in college now, I would have wanted to share with them before they left?

5. Celebrate milestones.

Just because things may have gotten cancelled or postponed, doesn’t mean that seniors cannot be celebrated or make memories. What if you took the moments they were going to have and made them happen in a creative and unique way? It will not be the same, but it will show your senior that they are not forgotten and that they are loved deeply. Here are a few ideas that you and parents could implement or use as a creative jump-start:

  • If commencement gets cancelled, consider hosting an online one for your senior and their friends. Connect with other families and decorate your homes for the commencement. Give each senior an opportunity to share from the “podium” and allow for a parent or two to share advice. Then call each name and have the student receive their diploma from their families. Another added sentimental touch could be having each family member write letters to their senior.
  • If prom gets cancelled consider hosting a mobile prom. Have your senior and their friend group all get ready for prom in what they would have worn. Girls could even get ready together over virtual platforms. Then have everyone get in decorated vehicles and drive around the neighborhood together playing some of their favorite songs. A cool way to have everyone listen to the same song is create a Spotify playlist and start it at the same time in each car. See if you can get your neighbors to come out and cheer for them as they go by. Consider having flowers for all the girls at the end of the parade and boutonnieres for the guys, and have them paired with cards from family and friends.  
  • Have a card shower for your seniors. Put out a call to all your friends, family members, church family, and neighbors asking them to write cards of encouragement to your senior. These can have fun memories, encouraging Scriptures, tips for the future, or whatever else you think will brighten their day. Give a deadline for the cards, and then host a graduation celebration for your senior where there is cake, balloons, gifts, and the cards.

How have you been caring for your seniors?