Tag: Volunteers

Quick Tip: Finding Community

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Last week we kicked off the Quick Tip series and we talked about the importance of community. But that very tip begs us to ask a follow up question: how do we find community? Or maybe we should be asking a second question of where do we find community?

Community is something that we were all created for by our communal God. The very fact that God is three in one shows us that He is not only designed for community but the epitome of community. He is the very definition of community and when He created humanity in Genesis, He created us for it as well.

With that being said, community can often be difficult for those of us in ministry. We are often surrounded by people, but ministers often feel the most unknown or unseen. Everyone knows us and considers us their friend, but it can often be difficult to find friends ourselves.

With that being said we must remember that without effective and meaningful community we cannot be effective in our calling. So how and where do we find community? Let me share six quick ways we can do this.

1. Participate in a small group at your church where you are not the leader and can just be yourself without expectations.

2. Join a cohort or coaching community.

3. Utilize Facebook groups and other social media networks to not only find online community but community that physically gathers together.

4. Build friendships with your neighbors.

5. Find local groups, organizations, and opportunities in your community.

6. Participate in a youth worker network.

What are some ways you’ve found community in your life and ministry?

Quick Tip: Building Community

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Today we are starting a new series that we will pick up intermittently throughout the year called “Quick Tips.” This series is designed to be a quick read with helpful truths and ideas to facilitate growth. While some of these tips may warrant longer posts, we wanted to offer a quick sound bite-style blog that gets helpful information into your hands quickly.

So with that said, and to save time (which is part of the point of these posts) here is this week’s Quick Tip: build community.

Community is vitally important for all of us. We were designed by God Himself to be oriented toward relationships and community. And when we lack community we will feel alone, isolated, unseen, unloved, and unappreciated.

Building community both inside and outside of the church allows you to know others and be known for more than just being the youth pastor. You’re being known as an individual and as someone who isn’t defined simply by their job or title.

Don’t let community fall by the wayside. Instead, make it a priority and watch how you continue to grow and flourish.

Making Graduation Season Special

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It’s here! The time of year when we commission our graduates, celebrate their achievements, shed some tears as they move on, and reflect on all the memories we have made together. But with these moments come multiple opportunities to invest in, encourage, and champion them as they move into the next phase of their life journey.

There are commencement ceremonies, parties galore, senior parades, and more. Depending on your context and the structure of your ministry, you may be invited to numerous gatherings and events, and that begs a question: how do you make these moments special? Depending on your context you may be invited to a graduation ceremony with multiple students but perhaps you don’t have a budget to get them all a gift. Or maybe you’re invited by a specific family to a graduation, so do you bring them a gift…but what about the other students you know who are graduating?

In order to make the most of this special season, I want to offer a few suggestions for you to consider that will allow you to bless all of your students in a meaningful and personal way. These will specifically be cost-sensitive and will focus on ideas and engagements that will have intentional impact.

Be intentionally relational.

This may sound like a no-brainer, but sometimes it can be hard to engage with people relationally. Maybe it’s a student who just never had anything nice to say. Perhaps it’s a parent who spread rumors about you or one you never met. Or maybe you’re just feeling wiped out from talking to everyone and what’s the big deal with not talking to that family, that parent, or that student?

These moments are opportunities for you to continue to show that your students matter and that you are in their corner. Yes, it may take more time and energy, and yes, you may need to humble yourself in these moments. But I can promise you that if you engage relationally during this season you will see wonderful results as your students continue to grow.

Bring a personalized card.

We have quite a few students graduate each year and it honestly would cost a lot of money if we got each of them a gift, even a small one. So our ministry does gifts for each graduate at our senior commissioning, but Elise and I write out a personal card for each of them that we decorate and make unique. Sharing some memories, writing a personal encouragement, sharing a specific prayer, or even just letting them know how you’ve seen them grow makes the letter intentional and personal instead of a standard card. When you can do something as personal as a handwritten card it shows your students how much they mean to you and how you have seen them grow during their time in your ministry.

Show up when invited.

Our church is a regional church which means we have four or more public high schools, three Christian schools, and cyber learning or homeschooled students represented in our program. Most of our area schools only give out a certain amount of graduation tickets to students, so we don’t always get to attend commencement ceremonies. But when we do, we show up and try to connect with all of our students and families who are present. The same goes for graduation parties. Sometimes we get invited and sometimes we don’t. But when we get the invitation we do our best to attend and connect with our student and their family. These are intentional moments and they communicate love and care for your students.

Don’t be rushed.

I don’t know about you but sometimes I can feel a little pressed for time. There are moments when rushing is appropriate, but in moments when you are connecting with and celebrating your graduates, you need to slow down and be present. That means don’t relegate yourself to only a short time frame. Instead keep your schedule open so you can spend the appropriate amount of time at each special moment.

Continue to be present.

Some of our students experience a fear of the unknown and a fear of leaving behind something they love. In releasing and commissioning our students, one of the things we can continue to do is be present for them. Let them know that you will still be around and that they can still reach out to you. There will be changes, like they are no longer in youth group, but let them know that your love and commitment to them will not change. Continue to follow up with them, grab coffee or visit with them, host a Bible study for graduates, connect them with your college ministry, and utilize other ways to connect during the summer months. These moments help students know that they still matter and that you, and your church, are for them.

Meal Ideas for Students

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This summer we are trying something new. Periodically we are going to host brunches during the summer months to provide an opportunity for students and their families to fellowship and have fun together after church on Sundays.

But here’s the thing: we don’t want to take the easy and typical youth ministry approach to these brunches and offer up a variety of pizzas. Instead, we want to provide something different and fun that will appeal to a variety of people. As we were thinking through what these options could be, I wanted to share these ideas with you to help you think outside the box on meals you could offer throughout the year to your students.

Keep in mind that these types of meals can be elevated and shaped in any way you would like. You can also compliment these meals with various sides and toppings to make it a more complete meal.

Breakfast foods.

Whether it’s for dinner or breakfast, breakfast foods can be a ton of fun and offer a lot of variety. You could provide a cereal bar; pancakes and bacon; a fill-your-own-crepe evening; various types of baked oatmeal; breakfast casseroles, or even go all out and do eggs, hash browns, and bacon. Breakfast presents a bunch of fun opportunities to be creative and offer a creative approach to meal time.

Build your own sandwich.

Let’s be honest: sandwiches tend to be a bit boring. But what if you allowed everyone to build their own from the supplies provided? You could have a variety of breads, proteins, cheeses, toppings, and spreads and all of sudden everyone can jump in and be creative and unique in what they make, and it provides a variety of options.

Walking tacos or taco bar.

These can be as easy or creative as you like and are sure to be a crowd-pleaser. Walking tacos can be done with individual bags of Frito’s or Doritos, or you can up the ante and allow people to choose from a variety of chips and create their own flavors. You can also get creative with the type of meats you use. You could incorporate ground beef, steak, pulled chicken, grilled or shredded pork, or incorporate fajita-style veggies. The toppings can be as minimal or vast as you’d like, and you could even ask your group to bring whatever their favorite toppings are to ramp up the variety.

Pulled pork, chicken, or beef.

These are always an easy go-to for a dinner or lunch and they can be flavored in so many different ways you are sure to please a wide variety of people. We found a super easy recipe for pulled pork that simply incorporates root beer and bbq sauce. We tweaked the recipe by getting a couple of marinated pork loins from Aldi and our students raved about it. An easy way to help this work with even picky students is by simply cooking and shredding the meat and allowing them to add their own condiments and toppings to make it their way.

Meatball subs.

Buy a large bag of frozen meatballs, some jars of pasta sauce or bbq sauce, buns, and some shredded cheese and all of a sudden you have yourself a party! The beauty of meatballs is you can simply throw them in a crock pot with your choice of sauce and forget them until it’s time to eat. Providing some quality hoagie rolls and cheese makes these meatball subs a great option.

Pasta night.

There are so many types of pasta you can make for your students! And you can boost this by providing a variety of sauces that your students can add to their favorite pasta. You can also make this a bigger meal by purchasing meatballs and garlic bread to make it feel like a more complete meal for your group.

Hot dogs and hamburgers.

Being able to grill hot dogs and hamburgers is a great way to provide for students and it’s relatively inexpensive. You can purchase bulk hot dogs and hamburgers from a local supermarket or big box store and feed a crowd easily. To make this more fun, make sure to have different condiments and some side items, and maybe consider getting some brats or other unique sausages to grill. You could also have some fun toppings like grilled peppers and onions, and you could do cheeseburgers with various cheeses (these can be purchased inexpensively from stores like Aldi). I’d also recommend seasoning the patties if you do hamburgers to add an additional layer of flavor to your burgers.

The Importance of Leader Check-ins

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We can all agree that leaders are the backbone to student ministries. Without them, our programs wouldn’t function how they do, we wouldn’t see spiritual and numerical growth in our ministries, and we wouldn’t be able to truly engage in the discipleship process.

It’s easy for us to recognize the necessity of leaders in our ministries, but how often are we engaging with and checking in on our leaders. They serve so consistently and selflessly, they constantly give of themselves, and put aside personal issues to invest in and care for their students. They are amazing people who have their own lives, families, and struggles. So how can we check in and love our leaders well?

Send a text or make a call.

This is a really easy way to check in and see how a leader is doing. It may be sparked by a conversation you had with a leader or noticing they were out of sorts at youth group or in response to a post on social media. This could even just be something you put into a normal rhythm of following up periodically with your people. These seemingly simple texts or calls show intentionality and care as you engage with your people.

Meet up for a meal.

I’ll be honest: this is one of my favorite things to do because food or coffee naturally help us lower our barriers and open up conversation. Plus it’s a way for me to bless my leaders by picking up the tab. It also communicates that this check-in is more than just a quick in and out but is something that matters and that shows as you spend time with them.

Ask meaningful questions.

When you’re in these intentional moments, make sure to ask thoughtful and intentional questions. You aren’t trying to grill them but instead are seeking to truly see how they are doing. Ask about work, family life, their faith journey, what’s been going well and not so well. Be willing to ask hard questions in love when needed. Don’t shy away from them but lean in with intentional love and discipleship as you care for your people.

Be willing to speak truth, show love, and engage in difficult moments.

I will be honest and say this is something I struggle with. I am a people-pleaser at heart and I always want people to walk away feeling good and happy. But when there are tough conversations to be had, it is difficult for me to always engage with them. What I have come to realize though is that by not having those conversations I am actually hindering that person in multiple ways.

Instead, we should be looking to speak truth and to step into hard moments. If you have noticed a leader seems to be struggling, ask about it but do it with love and grace. If you need to encourage a leader to take a break, lean into the relationship, show you care, and love them well. Stepping into the messiness of life shows your leader that you are willing to see them as a person who has to engage with this messed up life we are all trying to live, instead of as just a warm body at youth group.

Listen well.

Listening well is something that for many of us takes practice. But when we are seeking to care for our leaders, we shouldn’t just be looking to fix problems or listen to make sure they are “okay.” Instead you should listen with a desire to truly hear, understand, and be present with your leaders. Listen to know what is happening in their lives. Listen to understand. Listen with empathy and sympathy. The more you seek to listen well, the more your people will be seen, heard, appreciated, and valued.

Write them a note.

I am not good at this one. I don’t like writing because my hand cramps, I have horrible handwriting, and it takes a long time. But none of those are valid reasons to not do it because they are me-focused when these opportunities are meant to focus on others.

Personal notes are an amazing way to let people know you see them and care. Think about the last time someone dropped you a personalized note or the last intentional birthday card you got. Sitting down to write a note, to show your leaders you see them, and to let them know they matter is a huge way to show care. Be intentional in what you say. Encourage them. Send them a birthday card. Let them know they’re appreciated. These types of notes will be ones they save and hold onto because they encouraged them.

Celebrate, empathize, and participate with them.

This is a great way to show your leaders that you care. Celebrate the good moments with them: birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, kids graduating, a new job, a student following Jesus, or whatever the milestone may be. But also make sure to feel along with them in the good and bad moments.

There have been many times where leaders have cried as they bared their soul in my office. There have been moments where a leader breaks down and shares about their child’s struggle with mental health or their marriage isn’t working. These are hard moments, ones that will tear at your heart. But these are the moments when we can truly care well for our leaders.

We can celebrate with them, but we should also empathize with them. Allow them to see that you care, show them that they aren’t alone, and walk with them through life. The more we participate and share life with our leaders, the more we can care for them and be intentional at checking in.

Send them an encouraging and meaningful gift.

I know there’s a tension with gift-giving depending on your budget size or lack there of. But hear me out on this: an encouraging and meaningful gift doesn’t have to be expensive. It could be as simple as dropping off their favorite candy bar with a note. It could be a $5 gift card to a local coffee shop. Maybe it’s showing up with homemade cookies and sitting to talk while enjoying them. Or perhaps it’s making them something and sending it to them. These types of gifts show thoughtfulness and intentionality, while communicating how much you love and care for your people.

What was one way someone intentionally checked in on you? How has that shaped how you care for your people?

5 Relationships Every Youth Worker Needs

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This week I was doing some reflecting and thinking about this question: what relationships do I have now that I wish younger Nick had, or had stepped into sooner? As I have been serving in ministry and getting to know myself better, I’ve realized that there are relationships I would have greatly benefited from if I had sought them out sooner.

Today, I want to share these relationships with you, and also to indicate that these relationships are not the only ones you need. They are simply some that I know would have benefited me sooner and hopefully will be a benefit to you as well.

1. A best friend.

I’m someone who typically has many acquaintances but only later in my adult life did I find the value of having closer friends and best friends. These are individuals that I can go to with anything and know they will hear me, challenge me, correct me, and be for me. These relationships are ones where I can grab a beer and have a casual conversation or sit down for hours to have deep and meaningful discussions. Having these relationships in your life will help you to truly be yourself and to feel loved, valued, and needed.

2. A mentor.

Having a good mentor in your life is a relationship that will hopefully ensure growth, development, and maturity. Ideally this person has more lived experience, and ministry experience, that they can utilize in your relationship. When someone is watching out for you and speaking truth into your life and ministry, it is an amazing opportunity for you to learn and flourish. These are individuals who are for you but also willing to offer correction and guidance as needed. If I had more of this when I first started out in ministry I would have had a lot less missteps and instead had more opportunities to grow and minister well.

3. A counselor.

Everyone should have a counselor regardless of how “okay” we may think we are. Having someone who is safe, trained, and licensed, who you can go to and be honest and raw with, is a necessity. It allows you to release well, process different relationships, emotions, and circumstances, and also provides you with the help you need whether you’re aware of it or not in the moment. These are the people that help you through the difficult moments, who allow you to process, and give you constructive and necessary paths to run on.

4. A peer.

This is a little different than a best friend or mentor, though they can at times be one and the same. But what I’m suggesting is finding a fellow youth worker(s) who you can share life with, talk shop with, and bounce ideas off of. This a great opportunity to share resources and insights, and it also allows for you to have someone in your life who understands what you’re walking through. It’s a friendly voice of a compatriot who is in your corner.

5. A chiropractor.

This one may make you chuckle, but please hear me out. As a young person I didn’t think I needed this relationship, but during 2020 and working at home, my back said otherwise. Getting to know our amazing chiropractor during that time was fantastic and so beneficial. But what I came to realize is that being proactive rather than reactive with your health is hugely important.

Instead of coming back from a retreat and popping a couple of Advils and pressing on, having your chiropractor truly take care of your back, neck, and hips is a necessary relationship. I see my chiropractor once a month and then at least twice a month when trips happen. These visits truly help my body to prepare and repair after busy seasons, trips, stressful work weeks, and just the everyday moments.

What relationship would you tell your younger self is a necessity?

Resource Review: The Pour Over

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Have you ever lived or worked in an area that seemed polarized in their viewpoints and the news they intake? Have you ever felt that you were surrounded by partisan viewpoints? Are echo chambers something you have begun to notice are a part of your life or the lives of those you minister to?

As someone who was once very partisan and also a news junky for many years, I found it easy to fall prey to one-sided dialogue and talking points. Over the past ten years I have noticed my views start to grow and shift as I began to engage deeper with Scripture and its practicality in our daily lives.

I was listening to a podcast a couple of years ago, and they shared about a podcast and newsletter called The Pour Over and how this podcast offered up a centrist view of the news with a focus on Christ. I am not going to lie, my first thought was excitement but I was also skeptical because I had yet to find an unbiased view of the news.

I turned on the podcast and was blown away by what I heard. The podcast and newsletter (which are one in the same; one is audio and the other print) tracked the bigger news stories of the past couple of days and summarized them while then offering a Christian perspective. The Christian perspective can involve Scripture, quotes from pastors or theologians (past and present), or even quotes from the Book of Common Prayer. Each of the summaries has links to the full story and the links come from a litany of verifiable news sites from across the political spectrum.

The newsletter and podcast are also short in that they have never exceeded ten minutes, and often fall under seven minutes in podcast length. That means you can easily listen to it on your way to work, at the gym, or even in the morning while making your coffee.

Another aspect of The Pour Over is they have an affinity for dry humor and quick whit. Whether you listen to or read the newsletter, you will find that there is a little bit of humor thrown in to make you chuckle. It is typically done in word play for a news story and it is not done to demean or diminish anyone or anything.

Each of the people who report for the newsletter on the podcast do so in steady (not monotonous) tone because they aren’t seeking to promote a specific viewpoint or utilize emotions to stir the pot. As they seek to provide a politically-neutral approach to the news, they have people report on it who are easy to listen to but not seeking to inflame a certain viewpoint or perspective.

Recently, within the last year, The Pour Over has launched another resource specifically for families with younger children called Decaf: The Pour Over for Families. This is a once-a-week newsletter that highlights a specific news story from the week and provides parents with insightful questions to ask their children called “Read, Reflect, Respond.” This is a great resource for families to engage with their children and thoughtfully talk through topics and circumstances with a Christian approach that may be difficult to interact with. But beyond just young families, these are questions that are helpful for anyone to engage with as they look to thoughtfully engage with a Christ-centered approach to the news of our day.

This resource has helped me in being able to pull myself away from being a news junkie and instead find a way to biblically engage in a politically-neutral approach to the news. I’ve been able to remove an echo chamber and instead begin approaching the news with a better, Christ-centered response. I have referred this podcast to parents, friends, students, and leaders because it truly helps us to have a Christ-focused view of our world and helps to shape our hearts, minds, and souls to be more attune to God’s response to this world. This is an amazing resource that I cannot recommend enough and I would challenge you to check out The Pour Over and see what you think.

How to Walk with Students Who Are Grieving

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The loss of a family member. A relationship that crumbled. Mom and dad getting divorced. Making a big mistake.

Students grieve for a variety of reasons like we all do. But there’s something that pulls at our innermost being when we watch a student navigate pain and sorrow. We empathize and sympathize with them, feel their pain and grieve alongside of them. We want to fight for them, to right all the wrongs, and to wrap our beloved students in bubble wrap to protect them from all the harm and pain of this world.

While those emotions and responses of empathy and sympathy are valid and necessary, we must also think practically about how we can love, care for, and walk with our students as they navigate pain.

Involve trusted leaders.

This is something that I have found to be incredibly necessary and helpful in caring for students. Often I don’t get to be involved in our small groups due to how our ministry is structured and organized, so our small group leaders are the ones who consistently walk through life with our students. To bring them into what is happening and equip them to love, care, and engage with their students allows for multiple levels of care for our students and highlights inter-generational, discipleship-oriented relationships.

Reach out to them personally.

When appropriate, reaching out personally to students who are hurting is incredibly important because it shows them that they are seen and that you care. This can be through a text, a phone call, a visit, or taking them out to talk. This looks different depending on the circumstance and what is happening, but making that personal connection is key.

Connect with parents/guardians when warranted.

This is something that may get missed depending on the circumstance the student is going through. Of course we all know that there are specific moments when we have to include parents, but do we think about connecting with parents when students are mourning a broken relationship, a failed class, or when a student messes up?

I know the tension that can exist in the sense of not breaking a student’s confidence, but if the situation is affecting the student in profound ways then appropriately involving parents is warranted and needed. So consider bringing in parents so they can understand, love, and walk with their students. Make sure you highlight some suggestions on how to do so as you provide insight and understanding for them.

Bless them with a note and/or a gift.

When possible and appropriate, sending flowers, a note, a gift card, or groceries can be wonderful ways of helping students feel seen, understood, and cared for. These tangible metrics help students know that they matter and that you care. While I wouldn’t suggest this as the only option of care, when coupled with personal connection and relationships these opportunities will truly help our students move through the difficult moments they are facing.

Take them out.

This is something I do and encourage my leaders to do when appropriate. Meeting up for a cup of coffee, at a diner, or a local donut shop to simply sit and listen does so much for a student because you’re showing them that an adult loves and cares for them. By providing a safe place and a snack or meal, it removes pressures and expectations and allows for students to lower their walls and be honest about their hurt and grief. It’s often in moments like this when students share honestly and authentically which provides us with an opportunity to love and care well for them.

Sit and listen.

This is a huge part of what we should be doing throughout any of the above points. Sitting and listening is key to understanding what students are feeling and going through, and showing them that they are valued and heard. It also allows you to understand the situation and how best to respond. When we listen well and engage in those moments we are showing the student that they matter and we are validating who they are and what they are feeling. Don’t listen just to “fix the circumstance,” listen to understand, empathize, sympathize, and walk with your students.

Be available.

Hurt, pain, and grief don’t happen on a schedule or when it’s convenient. They happen sporadically and spontaneously as life happens. That means often times these moments will not occur when it is not beneficial or timely for us, but we must be prepared and willing to be available.

I’ve had countless moments when tragedy has hit a student or their family, and I need to able to be present and available in as much as I am able. Sometimes that means showing up at their home when they’ve lost a family member, making a phone call when driving to an appointment, or texting a prayer and Scripture to them. Regardless of what availability looks like in the moment, being able to respond and engage well is key.

Refer out when necessary.

This is something I wish I had been taught in school and earlier in ministry. Here’s the thing: most pastors and ministry leaders are not counselors, psychologists, or experts in every field. That means we should not try to act like we are nor should we try to give answers and advice that we aren’t equipped to give.

Instead, we need to build a network of trusted and skilled people in various roles who can help love, care for, and support our students. That means being able to refer to trusted counselors, medical personnel, case workers, police, and crisis intervention specialists. This isn’t saying you aren’t good at your job or doing all you can, but to truly do well at ministering to students we need to provide them with the best overall support which means utilizing the best people we can to help do just that.

Creative Ideas: Easter Engagement for Students

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Happy Easter Monday! We hope you had a wonderful Easter and that you were able to celebrate our Savior, His death, burial, and resurrection.

Easter has always held a special place in my life and in my faith journey. I remember sunrise services growing up and then leading them at the first church at which I was employed. The Easter brunches and dinners with family and friends were always a celebration. Hunting for Easter eggs at my godparents’ house and then reading the Easter story together while we scarfed down as many jelly beans as humanly possible. (Trust me, I could put away a couple of bags!)

But do you know what I didn’t have a lot of? In youth group I barely remember talking about Easter, let alone engaging with it. For some reason the holidays that the church celebrated weren’t really engage with at a student level. As Elise and I have grown in our ministry careers, we have taken opportunities to help our students engage with these important moments in our faith. And we’re also sought to engage in creative avenues to help students understand them at a deeper level.

Today our hope is to provide some creative ways to help your students engage with Easter (next year of course), and to give you ideas to begin considering as you build out your calendar for the next school year.

Incorporate students for a reading of the Easter story.

Bringing in a variety of voices–especially students’ voices–when reading the Easter story allows for the story to be heard in new and vibrant ways. It brings in different aspects that perhaps may not have been noticed before, and it also allows students to hear the story in voices that are similar to their own. When we allow ourselves to be transported into the story we have a deeper appreciation and new perspective from which we are able to better hear and understand God’s Word.

Allow students to creatively retell the story.

Give your student groups an opportunity to retell the story creatively and allow them the freedom (within reason) to retell it in their own unique ways. Allowing students to immerse themselves in the story and to take ownership of it will help them to have a deeper understanding and appreciation of the Easter story.

Provide a Bible study for your small groups.

Our Home Group for April immediately follows Easter and provides a unique opportunity for our small groups to dig deep into Scripture. Providing a variety of passages from the Gospels that journey through the Easter narrative gives students a unique perspective and helps to highlight the beauty of the Easter story from different vantage points. Typically when we do something like this we write out the material for our groups rather than using a pre-made study. This allows us to shape the questions and applications to specifically relate to our groups.

Engage in character studies.

In the Easter story there are many different individuals with whom you can engage. You could assign a character or group (the religious leaders, a disciple, one of the women at the cross, the women at the tomb, the centurion, Pilate, etc.) to each student or to a small group. Have them think critically about the character, their interactions, their emotions and responses, and about their relationship with Jesus. Stepping into the story in this unique way helps us to grow our connection with Jesus as we understand the relationships that He had with various individuals.

Provide artistic opportunities.

I am not very artistic (I still struggle to color in the lines), but many of my students and leaders are. Providing them with an opportunity to draw, write, or illustrate in various ways the Easter story will allow for them to have a unique engagement with it that will provide a deeper understanding. They could engage in this way with a reading of the story, watching a video of the Easter story, or even through a song.

Responding to Hurt

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A cutting word. A passive aggressive email. A critique on your teaching. A dig by a supervisor. An angry parent’s accusations.

Hurt happens. There’s no escaping that reality. Whether you work in a ministry or elsewhere, volunteer in some capacity, or simply are around other people, hurt will occur. We are flawed people and in our brokenness we will both experience hurt and hurt others. This probably isn’t the post you were hoping to read, especially if you were looking for an uplifting and encouraging “rah rah” type of post.

But can we simply pause for a moment and understand that this is something we all need to be attentive to because we all experience hurt? This may not be the post you wanted but I would assert this is one we all need. We need to be honest and recognize the realities we face and even if we aren’t in that situation presently, we must be prepared for when it occurs. If we fail to plan accordingly, those difficult moments will steamroll us and we will be in even more dire straits.

So let me ask you a question: how do you respond to hurt? Are your responses healthy and beneficial, or are they unhelpful and potentially problematic? Today, I’d like to share some tips on how to effectively engage in healthy ways that will help you grow, interact, and process those moments well.

Allow yourself to feel the hurt.

This point may have you scratching your head, but stick with me for a moment. It’s easy to push hurt down, to pretend it doesn’t affect us, or to try to compartmentalize things. How many times have you uttered something like, “I’m fine” or “It’s not a big deal”? How many times have you tried to convince yourself that the hurt doesn’t matter?

Doing this isn’t healthy or beneficial. It allows hurt to stick around and grow into resentment. It leads to a critical worldview and perception of the church and other people. It hurts our mental health. It can cause us to be withdrawn and disengaged. Instead, allowing ourselves to feel the hurt helps us to actually engage with the issue, process our emotions, and recognize the complexities and realities of our careers and lives.

Process by yourself and with others.

Taking time process, evaluate, and respond to hurt is important for each of us. Each of us processes in our own ways, but we need to identify if those ways are healthy for us or not. Healthy processing doesn’t mean dismissing the pain or hurt, nor does it mean allowing the pain to be all that we feel. Healthy processing allows us to identify the hurt, feel the hurt, and navigate toward healing and reconciliation.

But it’s often in moments of hurt that our processing can be clouded, especially if we feel wronged or targeted. That’s where processing with trusted individuals is a necessity. I would challenge you to go to people who will empathize with you but also ones who will speak truth. It’s easy to want to only go to people who will affirm our perspectives and tell us we are right. The important thing is to go to people who will love you and challenge you, especially if you’re in the wrong. Those are the people we desperately need because they will help us address things appropriately and give guidance that is necessary.

Seek closure.

Closure can mean different things depending on the situation. It may mean seeking out reconciliation even when the other person may not embrace it. Closure may mean letting the passive aggressive comment go. It may mean having a direct conversation with the other individual and potentially bringing in a mediator. Closure may mean forgiving someone in spite of their unwillingness to extend an apology.

Closure looks different for each of us and depends on the circumstance. But if we allow for the wounds and hurt to remain open and festering, we are opening ourselves up to more pain and hurt in the long run. Whatever the closure is for each scenario, we must be intentional in seeking it out.

Speak truth.

This is something that individually we must do but we also need to hear this from others. Words cut deep. Sometimes more than actions. If we believe those words that aren’t true, we are believing a lie. Instead of allowing them to cut to our core, speak truth and affirm what is true. But when you aren’t able, and there will be times you cannot, allow others to be that voice for you. Go to trusted people, let them encourage you, and allow them to be the rock you need.

Pray.

Prayer is always something we know we must do, but is a rhythm that can become passive in how we engage it. Prayer is a powerful resource and one we should actively be engaging in. Taking time to pray and ask God for wisdom is essential. We should ask God for a sensitivity in understanding why things happened and the other person’s perspective.

Praying for conviction (for all parties, including ourselves), for direction, for empathy and sympathy, for perspective, and for an appropriate response is key. Going before a God who understands with a humble heart that’s willing to grow and be challenged will allow us to better engage in these difficult moments.