Tag: families

Tips for Creating a Winter Weather Policy

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Thanksgiving just happened which means here in Pennsylvania we are officially moving into winter. That means snow is an ever-present reality for our ministry and for many others around the country. While I love the way snow looks when it falls and the beauty of it on the ground, it does compound all of the planning for church and student ministry.

Depending on where you live, your winter weather policy may look different from other parts of the country due to your experience with winter weather. It may take more or less winter weather to cancel or change programming depending on how often you get it and how familiar your area is with that type of weather.

At the end of the day our policies should be designed to make sure we are doing our best to keep our students, leaders, and families safe. This isn’t about having programming but ensuring the safety of those we have been assigned to care for.

Consider following the examples of local schools.

One of the best practices our church has is to watch and see what the local schools are doing when it comes to making decisions for programming and opening/closing the building. If schools cancel evening activities it is probably a good choice to follow suit. If they cancel or have a delayed opening, it gives you time and insight into how you should alter or cancel programming for your ministry.

Reserve the right to make your own decisions.

While we tend to follow the schools’ decisions in our area, we reserve the right to change things on our end if needed. Schools may close for the day because of the way the storm is moving, but we have also seen where it has warmed up and caused all the snow to melt prior to youth group. There’s also the scenario where nothing happens until the latter part of the day which means we need to make a decision based on what’s best for our community.

Always err on the side of caution.

This is one of the big tipping points for our ministry when it comes to making a decision based on weather. I know that there will be times we get it wrong. I may cancel programming because it looks like we will get hammered by a winter storm that does next to nothing. I have canceled due to cold conditions and icy roadways that didn’t turn out to be as bad as expected.

For each time I have canceled programming (whether or not the weather did what was expected) there are always disappointed people who ask me why. Here’s what I always say, “I want to err on the side of caution to ensure the safety and wellbeing of our students, families, and volunteers in all situations and will take the necessary steps to ensure that happens.”

I don’t always get it right, but I will always seek to protect the people under my care and that informs how and when I make decisions to cancel.

Be intentional and clear with communication.

Whenever you decide to cancel, you must make sure you communicate that clearly and in a timely manner. We make our decisions by 2 p.m. so families and leaders see it well before youth group, they have time to switch their plans, and we have had time to track the storm and see what the weather is and will be doing.

We communicate through email and social media, and we text our leaders and ask them to communicate with their small groups because they all have different methods of doing so. We don’t simply say “youth group is cancelled, sorry,” we create intentional emails that do the following:

1. Clearly explain our decision and how we got there.

2. Provide resources and creative ways for families to spend time together including missional opportunities, fun recipes for cooking together, game ideas, and more.

3. We communicate upcoming dates for our ministry and any reminders that families need to know.

4. Recognize that this is a loss for students but also that God wasn’t surprised by this decision and it can be used for families and students to grow closer together.

Once you make a choice stick to it.

This is hugely important because it provides clarity and consistency for your families. Do not flip-flop on decisions and allow your policy to guide your decisions as you move forward each year. By doing this, families and leaders will come to expect consistent and reliable communication that strives to keep everyone safe.

At the end of the day, cancelling programming is a tough decision.

I always feel the pull of the “should I or shouldn’t I,” but at the end of the day, if I look at these steps, it helps me make the decision that keeps everyone safe and is highly intentional. My hope for you is that these steps help to alleviate some of the weight and burden that come with having to make these decisions and that it helps to shape how you do so in meaningful and thoughtful ways.

Quick Tip: Intentionality at Grad Parties

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If you’re like me, graduation season is in full swing and graduation parties are popping up every weekend. But have you ever asked yourself, “why do I go to these?”

I know I’ve been to ones where I only knew the graduate and their family, and in some cases just the graduate. I’ve been to ones that felt awkward for a variety of reasons. And still others where I stayed for hours on end.

But still, the question of “why do I go” hasn’t been answered. So why do we go? Of course we go for the graduate and to celebrate them, but that cannot be the only reason.

Let’s be honest for a moment: while the graduate may be happy to see us, their focus will be on their friends and family. So if we limit our reason to going to simply to celebrate the graduate (and eat good food), I think we are missing a broader opportunity.

When we practice intentionality at graduation parties, it allows us to have a broader impact as we love and care for our community. If we simply go to just celebrate our graduates, we miss out on intentional moments with parents, families, friends, our leaders, and even complete strangers we may meet in line for the guestbook.

What I would encourage is that we go to celebrate our graduates but also to intentionally engage and invest in the other people who are at the party. If we take the moments we are given and seek to have intentional conversations, love the people present, and celebrate the graduates, we will see the opportunities for engaging with our community flourish and be much more fruitful.

So when you go to grad parties this year, practice intentionality and love your community well. Not only will this make the parties more meaningful but you will also see relationships flourish because of the impact your ministry will have.

Quick Tip: Don’t Forget Your Family

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Ministry is an interesting career for a variety of reasons. We work weird hours. It’s really difficult to explain what we do. Weekends don’t exist in the traditional sense. We are highly involved in people’s lives. We have one to two days a week that are bigger than all the others. Two days out of the year are like our Super Bowl. Our phones and emails always seem to be going off. Work never seems to be done because something always comes up and discipleship never stops.

But let me ask you a question: how often do you bring work home? Or perhaps the question is better asked this way: how often does work distract you from or take priority over your family?

Please understand I’m not trying to call anyone out or be critical. I am trying to challenge our perspectives and to make sure we are focused on where we need to be first and foremost. We have to remember that our priorities fall in this order: God, self, spouse and family, community, and then church. You may read that and want to push back, and I hear that. But why? Why do you want to push back?

I think it’s often because our systems and priorities are out of order. The reality is our relationship with God is our first priority and then the outflow has to be to our primary relationships which are our families. Community should be next because I would argue if we can’t care well for our immediate communities, we have no business caring for a larger church body.

But the point of this post is to challenge all of us to keep our priorities in check, specifically with our families. When we are home, our family should be our focus. We should leave work at work. Our laptops shouldn’t come on vacations. Phone calls shouldn’t interrupt family time.

This may seem hard, but we need to honor our priorities in the right order. That means we need to share our priorities with our staff teams and church. We need to ask for help and accountability. And we may need to take bold steps like turning on “do not disturb” or removing email apps from our phones. Taking these steps will help us grow closer to our families and show our spouses and kids that they matter the most to us, as they should.

Now I get it. There are always exceptions. But don’t make the excuse that exceptions are the norm. Never sacrifice your family for church. The church will always exist without us, but our families won’t.

At the end of the day, the question we need to ask ourselves is this: am I the husband/wife my spouse needs me to be and deserves, and am I the father/mother my kids need me to be and deserve?

Quick Tip: Appreciating Others

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So October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Did you know that? Or did you forget like me? That may be one of the reasons this post is dropping in late October and not earlier.

Now you may have read that and thought to yourself, “Nick, this post seems a little self-serving since you’re a pastor and you’re talking about appreciating people in the month of October.” I hear you on that, but please understand that isn’t the heart of this post. In fact, the point of this Quick Tip is to help us think about appreciating people we work with–our bosses, and our volunteers.

When we appreciate one another well, we are showing people that they are loved, valued, and seen. In ministry circles this is vitally important because there is so much that is given beyond the contexts and demands of a non-ministry job. You don’t really stop working. The calls, texts, and emails are always coming through. People show up at your home unannounced. The weight of what people are dealing with weighs on your shoulders and your family’s as well. The burnout rate for pastors and church staff is astronomically high. And let’s not forget that church staff often aren’t paid well and volunteers aren’t paid at all.

Phew. That’s a lot and we haven’t even hit all the pieces and realities of ministry yet. But when we feel that weight, think about the other people in your life who also feel that. Your volunteers, your staff, your supervisors, your wife, your kids. We may not always get appreciated, but we can appreciate others. Rather than say, “Nobody did anything for me in October,” what if we were the catalyst for change and it started by appreciating others first?

Today, I want to share some ways you can appreciate others and love them well all year long as we seek to care well for each other. Some are practical ways to do this and others are simply suggestions on what to think through.

Think about what you’d appreciate and use that as a metric for caring well.

Sometimes it feels like we just don’t know what to do or what to get for someone else. If you’ve ever struggled around Christmas or birthdays trying to get a gift or card for someone, you know exactly what I’m talking about. In those moments, pause and consider what would make you feel loved, valued, and appreciated.

It doesn’t have to be super specific, but if quality time is what you enjoy, consider taking the individual out for a cup of coffee and listen well. If you enjoy a good book, maybe get one for them (don’t be passive aggressive in choosing the book). If it’s something handmade, think about what you could make them. Using this as a metric will help you practically think through what you can do to appreciate others.

Don’t forget the families.

The reality of working in ministry is that it is often difficult. There are hard times that can wear on ministry leaders. But often, the unseen tragedy is how deeply this affects their families. Spouses carry that weight as they walk with their significant other and try to help them. Children often lose out on time with their parent(s) because the church pulls their parent away.

Ministry leaders can come home exhausted and quality time with their family takes a hit. Families often are all-in at churches and serve in a variety of ways, and never hear “thank you.” In moments like these, it is important to remember them and care well for them. Don’t forget the families. Love them and help them to know they are seen.

Utilize a handwritten note or card.

Sometimes finances are tight, we are in ministry after all. And we may think, “I have nothing to give. What can I do?” The power of a thoughtful handwritten card is undeniable. Think about the last time you got a letter in the mail. How did you feel? It’s exciting, it’s encouraging, it’s life-giving. Taking the time to write a note and encourage someone is extremely powerful and special.

Instead of a gift card, take them out and engage with them.

If you’re financially able, a great way to appreciate someone is not just giving them a gift card but taking them out for a meal or cup of coffee. This shows intentionality and a desire to know that individual. In those moments, we need to remember that the priority is listening to and engaging with the other person. Don’t dominate the conversation and listen well. Take this as a time to grow in your knowledge and relationship with that individual as you care well for them.

Give a personalized gift.

Are you the next contestant on Holiday Baking Championship? Are you crafty and good at creating things? Still got your sourdough starter going? Are you a gifted writer or artist? Sometimes the best gift is one you personalize because you put time and effort into making it for someone. I love to bake and make candles, and I see the joy and happiness those things bring when I share them with others. So think about your skills and hobbies, and ask yourself how you can turn those things into gifts to bless others.

Making Graduation Season Special

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It’s here! The time of year when we commission our graduates, celebrate their achievements, shed some tears as they move on, and reflect on all the memories we have made together. But with these moments come multiple opportunities to invest in, encourage, and champion them as they move into the next phase of their life journey.

There are commencement ceremonies, parties galore, senior parades, and more. Depending on your context and the structure of your ministry, you may be invited to numerous gatherings and events, and that begs a question: how do you make these moments special? Depending on your context you may be invited to a graduation ceremony with multiple students but perhaps you don’t have a budget to get them all a gift. Or maybe you’re invited by a specific family to a graduation, so do you bring them a gift…but what about the other students you know who are graduating?

In order to make the most of this special season, I want to offer a few suggestions for you to consider that will allow you to bless all of your students in a meaningful and personal way. These will specifically be cost-sensitive and will focus on ideas and engagements that will have intentional impact.

Be intentionally relational.

This may sound like a no-brainer, but sometimes it can be hard to engage with people relationally. Maybe it’s a student who just never had anything nice to say. Perhaps it’s a parent who spread rumors about you or one you never met. Or maybe you’re just feeling wiped out from talking to everyone and what’s the big deal with not talking to that family, that parent, or that student?

These moments are opportunities for you to continue to show that your students matter and that you are in their corner. Yes, it may take more time and energy, and yes, you may need to humble yourself in these moments. But I can promise you that if you engage relationally during this season you will see wonderful results as your students continue to grow.

Bring a personalized card.

We have quite a few students graduate each year and it honestly would cost a lot of money if we got each of them a gift, even a small one. So our ministry does gifts for each graduate at our senior commissioning, but Elise and I write out a personal card for each of them that we decorate and make unique. Sharing some memories, writing a personal encouragement, sharing a specific prayer, or even just letting them know how you’ve seen them grow makes the letter intentional and personal instead of a standard card. When you can do something as personal as a handwritten card it shows your students how much they mean to you and how you have seen them grow during their time in your ministry.

Show up when invited.

Our church is a regional church which means we have four or more public high schools, three Christian schools, and cyber learning or homeschooled students represented in our program. Most of our area schools only give out a certain amount of graduation tickets to students, so we don’t always get to attend commencement ceremonies. But when we do, we show up and try to connect with all of our students and families who are present. The same goes for graduation parties. Sometimes we get invited and sometimes we don’t. But when we get the invitation we do our best to attend and connect with our student and their family. These are intentional moments and they communicate love and care for your students.

Don’t be rushed.

I don’t know about you but sometimes I can feel a little pressed for time. There are moments when rushing is appropriate, but in moments when you are connecting with and celebrating your graduates, you need to slow down and be present. That means don’t relegate yourself to only a short time frame. Instead keep your schedule open so you can spend the appropriate amount of time at each special moment.

Continue to be present.

Some of our students experience a fear of the unknown and a fear of leaving behind something they love. In releasing and commissioning our students, one of the things we can continue to do is be present for them. Let them know that you will still be around and that they can still reach out to you. There will be changes, like they are no longer in youth group, but let them know that your love and commitment to them will not change. Continue to follow up with them, grab coffee or visit with them, host a Bible study for graduates, connect them with your college ministry, and utilize other ways to connect during the summer months. These moments help students know that they still matter and that you, and your church, are for them.

Meal Ideas for Students

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This summer we are trying something new. Periodically we are going to host brunches during the summer months to provide an opportunity for students and their families to fellowship and have fun together after church on Sundays.

But here’s the thing: we don’t want to take the easy and typical youth ministry approach to these brunches and offer up a variety of pizzas. Instead, we want to provide something different and fun that will appeal to a variety of people. As we were thinking through what these options could be, I wanted to share these ideas with you to help you think outside the box on meals you could offer throughout the year to your students.

Keep in mind that these types of meals can be elevated and shaped in any way you would like. You can also compliment these meals with various sides and toppings to make it a more complete meal.

Breakfast foods.

Whether it’s for dinner or breakfast, breakfast foods can be a ton of fun and offer a lot of variety. You could provide a cereal bar; pancakes and bacon; a fill-your-own-crepe evening; various types of baked oatmeal; breakfast casseroles, or even go all out and do eggs, hash browns, and bacon. Breakfast presents a bunch of fun opportunities to be creative and offer a creative approach to meal time.

Build your own sandwich.

Let’s be honest: sandwiches tend to be a bit boring. But what if you allowed everyone to build their own from the supplies provided? You could have a variety of breads, proteins, cheeses, toppings, and spreads and all of sudden everyone can jump in and be creative and unique in what they make, and it provides a variety of options.

Walking tacos or taco bar.

These can be as easy or creative as you like and are sure to be a crowd-pleaser. Walking tacos can be done with individual bags of Frito’s or Doritos, or you can up the ante and allow people to choose from a variety of chips and create their own flavors. You can also get creative with the type of meats you use. You could incorporate ground beef, steak, pulled chicken, grilled or shredded pork, or incorporate fajita-style veggies. The toppings can be as minimal or vast as you’d like, and you could even ask your group to bring whatever their favorite toppings are to ramp up the variety.

Pulled pork, chicken, or beef.

These are always an easy go-to for a dinner or lunch and they can be flavored in so many different ways you are sure to please a wide variety of people. We found a super easy recipe for pulled pork that simply incorporates root beer and bbq sauce. We tweaked the recipe by getting a couple of marinated pork loins from Aldi and our students raved about it. An easy way to help this work with even picky students is by simply cooking and shredding the meat and allowing them to add their own condiments and toppings to make it their way.

Meatball subs.

Buy a large bag of frozen meatballs, some jars of pasta sauce or bbq sauce, buns, and some shredded cheese and all of a sudden you have yourself a party! The beauty of meatballs is you can simply throw them in a crock pot with your choice of sauce and forget them until it’s time to eat. Providing some quality hoagie rolls and cheese makes these meatball subs a great option.

Pasta night.

There are so many types of pasta you can make for your students! And you can boost this by providing a variety of sauces that your students can add to their favorite pasta. You can also make this a bigger meal by purchasing meatballs and garlic bread to make it feel like a more complete meal for your group.

Hot dogs and hamburgers.

Being able to grill hot dogs and hamburgers is a great way to provide for students and it’s relatively inexpensive. You can purchase bulk hot dogs and hamburgers from a local supermarket or big box store and feed a crowd easily. To make this more fun, make sure to have different condiments and some side items, and maybe consider getting some brats or other unique sausages to grill. You could also have some fun toppings like grilled peppers and onions, and you could do cheeseburgers with various cheeses (these can be purchased inexpensively from stores like Aldi). I’d also recommend seasoning the patties if you do hamburgers to add an additional layer of flavor to your burgers.

Resource Review: The Pour Over

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Have you ever lived or worked in an area that seemed polarized in their viewpoints and the news they intake? Have you ever felt that you were surrounded by partisan viewpoints? Are echo chambers something you have begun to notice are a part of your life or the lives of those you minister to?

As someone who was once very partisan and also a news junky for many years, I found it easy to fall prey to one-sided dialogue and talking points. Over the past ten years I have noticed my views start to grow and shift as I began to engage deeper with Scripture and its practicality in our daily lives.

I was listening to a podcast a couple of years ago, and they shared about a podcast and newsletter called The Pour Over and how this podcast offered up a centrist view of the news with a focus on Christ. I am not going to lie, my first thought was excitement but I was also skeptical because I had yet to find an unbiased view of the news.

I turned on the podcast and was blown away by what I heard. The podcast and newsletter (which are one in the same; one is audio and the other print) tracked the bigger news stories of the past couple of days and summarized them while then offering a Christian perspective. The Christian perspective can involve Scripture, quotes from pastors or theologians (past and present), or even quotes from the Book of Common Prayer. Each of the summaries has links to the full story and the links come from a litany of verifiable news sites from across the political spectrum.

The newsletter and podcast are also short in that they have never exceeded ten minutes, and often fall under seven minutes in podcast length. That means you can easily listen to it on your way to work, at the gym, or even in the morning while making your coffee.

Another aspect of The Pour Over is they have an affinity for dry humor and quick whit. Whether you listen to or read the newsletter, you will find that there is a little bit of humor thrown in to make you chuckle. It is typically done in word play for a news story and it is not done to demean or diminish anyone or anything.

Each of the people who report for the newsletter on the podcast do so in steady (not monotonous) tone because they aren’t seeking to promote a specific viewpoint or utilize emotions to stir the pot. As they seek to provide a politically-neutral approach to the news, they have people report on it who are easy to listen to but not seeking to inflame a certain viewpoint or perspective.

Recently, within the last year, The Pour Over has launched another resource specifically for families with younger children called Decaf: The Pour Over for Families. This is a once-a-week newsletter that highlights a specific news story from the week and provides parents with insightful questions to ask their children called “Read, Reflect, Respond.” This is a great resource for families to engage with their children and thoughtfully talk through topics and circumstances with a Christian approach that may be difficult to interact with. But beyond just young families, these are questions that are helpful for anyone to engage with as they look to thoughtfully engage with a Christ-centered approach to the news of our day.

This resource has helped me in being able to pull myself away from being a news junkie and instead find a way to biblically engage in a politically-neutral approach to the news. I’ve been able to remove an echo chamber and instead begin approaching the news with a better, Christ-centered response. I have referred this podcast to parents, friends, students, and leaders because it truly helps us to have a Christ-focused view of our world and helps to shape our hearts, minds, and souls to be more attune to God’s response to this world. This is an amazing resource that I cannot recommend enough and I would challenge you to check out The Pour Over and see what you think.

7 Ways to Help Students Serve

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“Nick! You have two riding mowers?! Look at this one it’s bigger than what my family uses at our farm!”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. We also have a wood shop that our facility team utilizes.”

“Can I see it?!”

“Sure thing!” I unlocked the door to our wood shop and the student’s eyes almost jumped out of his head.

“Nick…this…is…amazing! I wish I could use this stuff and cut grass here.”

“You can if you want to. I can connect you with our facility team and if your parents are okay with it, you can help them out.”

“I’m gonna check with my parents after youth group and let you know this Sunday!”

This was a conversation I had with a middle school boy recently. He correctly identified the tractors, mowers, and tools as I simply nodded along trying not to show my ignorance in what he was pointing out. We were cleaning up from an outdoor event and he was helping me put things away in our garage at the church. When he saw all the resources our facility team had to take of the grounds and to build items for various ministries, our student was over the moon excited to be able to use them. I could see how much he enjoyed working with his hands and being outdoors, as well as driving some of our bigger mowers. (What middle school boy wouldn’t be excited about that?) But what I could really see was his desire to serve and help in an area he was passionate about.

I don’t know many people who get excited about doing yard work, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that this student found a place where he could use his gifts, passions, and skill sets to help serve the body of Christ and I wanted to help him excel in that area. Getting students excited about serving and helping them find their niche is an important part of guiding them toward growing in their faith and growing as a member in the body of Christ. So how do we do this well?

1. Model service for them.

One of the best ways to help students grow and have a desire for serving is by showing them what serving looks like. When students see us serving and doing so with a willing and joyful spirit, it will help grow a desire to be of service within them as well. It helps our students to learn through seeing others model serving and it also gives us a practical way of helping younger generations grow and mature as followers of Jesus. You are cultivating a desire to serve as you model service for them.

2. Challenge them.

The next way to help students serve is by challenging them to do so. If you see a need for service, challenge your students to rise to the occasion and meet the need. This could be helping with set-up and tear-down at an event. It could be doing yard work for someone in the church or the neighboring community. It could be helping in the nursery. Or it could be any number of other things. By highlighting the need and challenging your students to meet it, you are building in them a desire to serve and also giving them an opportunity to demonstrate their ability to lead and care for others.

3. Help them know their gifts and skills.

When I ask students what their gifts are or where they could serve the usual answer is, “I don’t know.” This isn’t because they are ambivalent or don’t care, but because they truly do not know. So find ways to help students identity their skills and gifts, but also highlight ways they can serve in and outside of the church. Spiritual gifts assessments abound online but one from Lifeway is a solid option that is more in-depth and will help students be able to see which gifts they have and how to utilize them. Coupling spiritual gifts assessments with ideas on how to serve and a skill set survey sheet will help your students start thinking creatively about where and how they can serve.

4. Help them come up with their own ideas.

While helping students figure out where to serve, I would highly suggest we not pigeonhole them into a certain area we think would be good for them. Instead, allow them to find their own ways to serve. Give them guidelines and a direction, but also allow them to be creative and find places and opportunities to serve on their own.

I encouraged a student to serve one time in our communications department because of their skill set with design and art, but their passion was serving in our worship department because they could help people engage corporately through different media. I hadn’t even thought of that option but if I had forced them to serve in a place they weren’t passionate, they may never have continued to serve. So let students be creative and think about where and how they want to serve.

5. Serve with them.

One of the best things we can do when it comes to helping students serve is to serve with them. I know we can’t do everything, especially on Sundays, but if you’re able to serve alongside your students periodically I would encourage you to do so. Maybe it’s helping with tech one week. Or perhaps it’s seeing a student mowing the church lawn and going out to help or bring them a bottle of water. Maybe it’s hosting a service day and working with them. The more students see serving modeled by you and your leaders the more they will continue to serve.

6. Equip them to serve.

This goes beyond simply helping them identify their gifts and where to serve. It is about helping them to grow and mature in their service. I’m not saying you need to know everything and help students know how to do all the things, but help them grow as servants of God. Teach them why we serve, show them how to serve joyfully, debrief with them, help them grow and try new things, encourage them, and connect your students with others who can help them grow and sharpen their skills.

7. Follow up.

Follow-up is one of the most necessary things to do when we challenge students to serve, and it is also one of the things that tends to fall by the wayside. Be willing to check in on your students and see if they have followed through on their commitments, but also listen to how they are doing while serving. When you follow up, it isn’t about making sure students are behaving and doing the right things. Follow-up is checking in to see how their hearts are doing and being intentional and relational in your conversations. It’s caring about your students and their maturity as followers of Christ. Making sure your students are experiencing growth and seeing how they are valid and needed parts of the body of Christ is paramount as you follow up with them.

How are you helping and equipping students to serve?

How to Host a Respite Day

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One of the best parts of my job is working with our special needs ministry. I have the amazing privilege of overseeing a wonderful team of volunteers who love and guide our students in that ministry. Aside from being a ministry I believe every church should have (that’s another conversation for a later post), this is a ministry that truly brings me so much joy.

I started with the special needs ministry when the person overseeing it moved on to a different ministry organization. I’ll be honest and say that I was woefully ill-prepared and had no idea what I was doing. I had never been trained or taught about this while in school, and this is the first church that I have been to that actually has a special needs ministry.

So I went into my first meeting with the team and just asked questions and sought to learn. I dove into books, contacted churches who have special needs ministries, and sought to grow in my ability to walk with and disciple these amazing young people. Through all of that, I got to know my team and our students better and truly began to understand and have a heart for this ministry just like my leaders. And it was through one of my leaders that we began to host our Respite Days again.

Respite days were something our church hosted before COVID and before I started on staff, and honestly, I was a little nervous about hosting them. My mind ran toward all the liabilities, the different needs students had, the guidelines we needed, the number of volunteers, and so much more. If I am being honest though, it was fear that kept me from being willing to host these days in the beginning. Fear of the unknown and what-ifs. Fear of failing. Fear of letting down our students and families who already are marginalized and isolated.

But after some loving and continued prodding from my team, we hosted a respite day in January of this past year and it was a huge success! So much so that we are now hosting one in the summer, fall, and spring of each year. What I’d love to share with you today are a few key ways you can host your own respite day and how you can help ensure it is a success.

Have a sign up process.

The sign up process shouldn’t just be about gathering names, addresses, or other contact info, but about getting to know the students and their families. You should have options for understanding the students and their disabilities and how you can best care for them. You should also look to understand what their triggers are and how they interact with others. Doing this allows you to better serve, love, and care for the students. I’d also encourage you to have a place where you can ask the families if they have any prayer requests or needs, so you can assess whether your church can step in to help and walk with them.

Build a team.

One of the best things to have in place to make this a successful event is a quality team. Having people who understand students with special needs and how to love and care fore them is essential. But it’s also important to bring in people who simply love others well and care enough to learn and walk with them.

Utilize students.

Students with special needs often feel ostracized and alienated by their peers. And more often than not, students with special needs know that they are different and left out. So bringing in students to love and share in life with your group is a wonderful way to encourage them and help to build community. Seek out students who are good hosts and willing to spend time with others, and simply let them do that. Allow them to simply come and build relationships with their peers and to love on your special needs students.

Provide food.

Food is a natural way to lower walls and build community. Having snacks and a meal (if time allows) is a great way to make your environment welcoming and warm. But make sure that you know if certain foods or additives aren’t okay for your students. This is something that your intake form should have as a required question.

If parents don’t want their students having sugar, think about having fruit instead of fruit snacks. If they can’t have food dyes, look for more natural snacks. We have provided Goldfish crackers, pretzels, grapes, and Skinny Pop as snack items and we have had pizza and Chick-fil-A for meals. Whatever you choose, be intentional in what you pick to help make your atmosphere and the entire day feel special and celebratory.

Have a variety of activities.

In order for a respite day to be a success, it is highly important to have a lot of different activities to engage your special needs students. These could be Foosball, ping pong, four square, board games, puzzles, coloring and crafts, playing outside on a playground, drawing with chalk, watching a movie, or playing games on a Wii. We also provide fidget toys for our students who need them and we place them throughout the area we are using so they are ever-present.

We don’t necessarily structure our day with rigid timelines of what we want to do at specific times. Instead we have all the activities up and going to allow our students to engage organically with one another. We do make sure our leaders are present at each activity but we also allow students to choose their own adventure by picking what activity they would like to do.

Bless the families.

One thing I came to realize by serving with our special needs team is this: having a special needs child is extremely taxing and isolating. Most of these families feel alone and forgotten. And worst still, they don’t see churches as safe places for them or their kids. I’ve had multiple parents tell me they have been forced to leave a church as they were told their child wasn’t wanted because they are a disruption. These families are hurting and in need.

So if you’re able to, consider having gifts or gift bags for the students and for their families. For families, we write a card for them and include a gift card to a local restaurant along with information about our church and special needs ministry. For the students, we give new students The Biggest Story Bible by Kevin DeYoung, but everyone gets a gift bag with glow sticks, snacks, some fidget toys, stickers, colored pencils, a journal, sunglasses, and a special note to them from our special needs ministry team.

Utilize invitations.

When you are preparing to host a respite day make sure that you have invitations that you can use to invite people. Disperse them to your church community but also ask the families who have special needs students to invite their friends. Special needs families have their own communities and know one another well, so asking them to share the invitations will ensure that they invite their friends which will provide opportunities for unchurched people to step into your church.

Be hospitable.

Welcoming families as they arrive is key. There may be families who show up who have never been to your facility before, so having someone greet them is paramount to them feeling loved and accepted. Make sure your leaders have name tags and introduce themselves as they interact with the families to encourage them and to help them be put at ease as they leave their student with you.

Hospitality shouldn’t exist only when people arrive but also as students are picked up. Making sure you have a greeter and someone to walk parents and guardians back to their students is highly important and shows them that you value the safety and well-being of their child as well as caring for the parent.

Hosting a Meaningful Senior Commissioning

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It’s that time of year when we see all the graduation pictures, receive grad party announcements, and maybe even get invited to a graduation ceremony or two. We’ve written before about honoring seniors and helping to spiritually prepare them for college. In today’s post I want to focus in on one way to do that and offer some ways to do it well with a senior commissioning. I know for some ministries this time may have passed, but it doesn’t mean you can’t do something during the summer, or think about next year and how to impart new or different ideas into your current context and culture.

Let me first explain what I mean when I say senior commissioning. I grew up in churches that would recognize and celebrate seniors on a “senior Sunday,” and I must admit that this was my practice when I started working in student ministry. It usually comprises parading students onstage and, depending on the number, sharing their next steps. Then there’s usually a short word from the youth pastor followed by a brief prayer and applause from the congregation. There’s nothing wrong with this approach, but as I stepped back and assessed what we were doing and why we were doing it, I realized that there are more intentional, relational, and spiritual approaches we could take.

Out of that thought, and many refining steps along the way, we developed our senior commissioning. This is a multi-step approach to not only honoring seniors but also commissioning, encouraging, and preparing them for their next steps as they move beyond high school and student ministry. So let me explain the details for how this looks and how we strive to make this an intentional approach in our disciple-making process.

Communicate.

Months before we actually host our commissioning we reach out to our seniors and their families and let them know what will be happening. We also ask them to fill out a form that has specific information that we will utilize in a booklet for families and show on our screens during our commissioning in the church services. We ask for a senior photo, their favorite memories from their time in student ministries, what trips they went on with our program, what their plans are after graduation, and how can we pray for them. These pieces are all utilized to create a brochure that we give out to our congregants and families to highlight our students. We also continue to communicate with the seniors and families about what we are doing as we get closer to our commissioning ceremony.

Create gift bags.

We do a lot of gift bags throughout the year. We do leader gift bags for when they go on trips with us. There are gift bags for families when we host respite days. Gifts bags for our large training at the beginning of the school year. Gift bags at Christmas. And I’ll be honest, sometimes when you do a lot of gift bags, they begin to look the same. There may be subtle differences but they all have the same feel.

The reason I bring that up is because we want these bags to be thoughtful, intentional, relational, and student-specific. That means we have special name tags and personalized cards instead of a generic gift bag with a general card. We also add in cards signed by our whole staff team and a personalized letter signed by our student team and senior pastor letting them know we are for them and this is their church that loves them. We put in some candy because you know…student ministry. We put in celebratory items like glow sticks and confetti poppers. We get them either book about following Jesus in college or a devotional. Sometimes we throw in a gift card to a local dessert shop.

Purchase items for a reception.

When we host our senior commissioning, it isn’t just about bringing our students on stage and praying for them. That’s a big piece of what we do, but we also want to have a reception time to celebrate and honor the graduates. When you host a reception, you are highlighting the relational component of your ministry and valuing the personhood of each of your graduates. So think about what your reception could and should look like.

Our reception happens during our 10:30 a.m. service time, so we have light refreshments like mini bagels and small pastries. We also provide coffee and orange juice. At our church, most of our rooms are multipurpose which means they tend to have standard items that don’t necessarily feel inviting unless you’re intentional with the space. So we love to incorporate tablecloths, centerpieces, balloons, music, and even a fun backdrop for photos. The little touches make the reception feel more special and make our graduates feel seen and loved.

So think about what items you could purchase to make the reception a little more inviting and special. You don’t need to blow your budget to make an event special. It’s often little things like a flavored coffee creamer, a photo booth, tablecloths, balloons, or even just a welcoming space that truly make this a special moment for graduates and their families.

Have intentional time for families.

One thing I hear often from parents and students alike is how busy everyone is. I mean think about: when was the last time every one of your students showed up to youth group on time? Students are incredibly busy and running from one event to the next. The same is true for families, so much so that they often don’t get time to simply be together and pour into one another. One of the best parts of our senior commissioning is creating space for families to simply be together.

We carve out 20 minutes from our reception to give parents and families time to speak into their graduate and to encourage them. We don’t just spring this on them at the reception; we email out all the details ahead of time and even give them some prompts on what this time could entail. These are moments that the families can utilize however they want and we always get great feedback from them that this is one of their favorite parts.

Challenge and prayer.

We make sure to conclude the commissioning with a challenge and prayer time for our graduates. We want to challenge and encourage them to continue in their faith journey and to help them know that we are for them. We also take time to encourage and challenge parents. This is a time of change for parents and it is important to help them see these changes but also to show them ways to engage with the changes and still shepherd their graduate. This is not intended to take up a lot of time during the reception but instead is meant to provide guidance and encouragement in a short amount of time.

Connect grads with a college ministry.

I will be fully transparent with you and tell you that I struggled with this for many years. Not because I didn’t believe in it, but we just couldn’t seem to get the transition from high school to college ministry to work. This past year we have finally been able to see this transition start to work.

We begin by connecting our seniors with our college ministry leaders at the beginning of the school year. We also utilize our college leaders’ house as a Home Group location for our seniors once a month. Then our college leaders continue to connect with and invite the seniors to college student gatherings that are highly relational throughout the year. At our senior commissioning we invite our college leaders onstage with other church leaders and families to pray over our graduates, and then give our college ministry ample time to share during the reception. This has already started to reap rewards as many of our graduates are already attending our college ministry.