Category: Church Staff

Speaking Tips: Keys to Remember When You’re Teaching

Posted on by Leave a comment

I love teaching and preaching. It’s something I’m truly passionate about and an area in which I believe God has gifted me. As I’ve reflected over my time in ministry (almost 20 years now…yikes!) I’ve seen how my teaching style and mentality have evolved.

When I first started out in paid vocational ministry I was extremely rigid in how I presented and I followed the traditional approach to preaching and teaching (i.e., don’t move around and keep all messages to three points that have phenomenal alliteration). If you were to compare my early sermons and style–those videos exist somewhere I’m sure–to today, you’d notice a lot of differences in how I present and try to engage with the audience, as well as various other aspects.

As I was reflecting on the change and evolution in style and approach, I’ve noticed there are aspects that have been constant throughout my time in ministry that I believe can help us to become better teachers and preachers. Today, I want to share those ideas with you in hopes of encouraging you as you speak and lead in ministry.

Connection is necessary.

Whether I was the one speaking or part of the crowd being taught, I’ve come to realize that connection is key. Being able to connect with the people you’re speaking to is a necessary part of being a teacher because it allows you and the crowd to be able to relate more personally with one another. When you are able to understand and relate to the people you are speaking to, it creates a relational connection and allows the truths you are sharing to not only hit home but also to connect with your audience on a deeply personal level.

Look at your audience not through them.

When I was in undergrad, I was taught to look at people’s foreheads instead of their eyes to avoid feeling nervous or anxious. As I progressed in my career I heard from other leaders to look past the audience toward the back of the room. Still others told me to look straight at people. Here’s what I have learned through my years: look at your audience not through them.

How that looks when you speak is up to you, but always find ways to look at your audience and not past them. This is another way to connect with people and allow them to be seen and known. When people are seen and a connection is established they feel validated and loved. So don’t look past people or through them, but truly see them and look to connect with them as you speak. This may feel uncomfortable for you at first but finding a way to connect with your audience visually is key to growing as a speaker and establishing a relational connection.

Utilize stories and humor.

One of the best things you can do when you’re teaching is tell stories and bring humor into your message. Stories captivate audiences and help them to remember the points you are highlighting, and humor allows for connection and a unique way to illustrate your points. These two aspects of teaching will help you create opportunities for your audience to connect with you, and will help them to remember what was shared as they seek to apply it to their lives.

Use various forms of media.

It is important to remember that people relate and connect to teaching and teaching styles differently. So the more variety you can incorporate through different forms of media, the greater your chance of engaging and reaching people. This could be through pictures or videos. It may be with different props you bring on stage, through musical elements or times of reflection. It might be through creative questions and interactions during the teaching, or even your posture and where you stand. All of these will engage people differently and also help make the focus and application of the message more memorable.

Be creative and innovative.

You may be quick to dismiss yourself as “lacking creativity” or you may say “I’m not innovative.” But the truth is each of us, in our own unique ways, are creative and innovative. How you see things, comprehend information, understand and tell stories, and allow Scripture to permeate your life is innovative and creative. These aspects are important to share with your people because there are most likely those who relate to God’s Word, His calling, and mission in the same way you do. The ability to make the Bible real and applicable from your perspective is an aspect that only you can bring, and one that can help many people in their comprehension of Scripture. So share that with your audience and allow the Bible to come alive through your messages.

Be authentically you.

So often I remember being told in undergrad, “Don’t try to be a famous pastor, just be you because you are who God called to minister.” God doesn’t look to have clones of certain individuals. He is looking to utilize you and your gifts to connect, minister, and point people to Jesus. Embrace who He made you to be as you carry out His calling for your life.

6 Key Qualities to Look for When Hiring

Posted on by Leave a comment

Looking for someone to join your team can be a long process, especially in church culture. Often times there are multiple interviews, phone conversations, and–depending on the position–the applicant will teach in front of a group in order to assess their abilities. This process can be arduous for parties on both sides, but what often gets overlooked are key qualities that we desire for the position.

Sure, we can all assume that the first quality is a relationship with Jesus, and then of course there’s the job description with all of the functions listed out. But I’m talking more about the personal qualities of the candidate verses perhaps a certain skill set. The qualities I have listed below are not all-encompassing, but rather six I focus on and the ones I believe will help me choose the right individual for the position, the ministry, and the church.

1. Heart.

When it comes to hiring there are skill sets we look for, but we also must acknowledge skills can be taught or coached. One thing you can’t teach or coach someone to have is heart. If someone doesn’t have a heart for the ministry position, you can’t train them to have it.

Heart is something that comes from the Holy Spirit instilling a desire to care for and minister to a certain group or area. It is the burden for the Gospel to go forth within a certain context and isn’t something you can teach whoever you’ve hired for the position. Yes, you may be able to help people develop a desire for the ministry or group over time, but you should not have to train someone in this when it comes to a paid ministry position. This is something that the individual should have before they are hired.

2. Passion.

Hiring someone who has a passion and excitement for the ministry is a must. If someone is simply looking for a job and isn’t passionate about what they’ll be doing or the people they’ll care for, the ministry and the people under your leadership will suffer. When you hire someone you need to understand if they are passionate about the position and if they view it as more than a job. They should understand that there is more than just a skill or skills needed for the position, but also a heart and passion for the people.

3. Dedication and commitment.

This is huge when it comes to any type of work but especially when it involves working at a church. Having someone who is not only dedicated and committed to their job duties but also to the church and her mission is huge. It shows that the person is responsible and willing to love and serve the church as they love and serve her people. These qualities highlight a good work ethic of the potential hire and also demonstrate their proactive view of the church and ministry.

4. Strong work ethic.

There are some people who assume that working at a church will be a cushy and lax position. And depending on the position, there may be moments when it’s more laid back and less busy. But the reality is this isn’t the focus of any job, let alone church work. Working in ministry can be faced paced, difficult, and challenging due to a variety of circumstances. Because of that it is necessary to have a good work ethic and strong communication skills in order to appropriately handle the duties of the specific job.

5. Healthy boundaries.

As you prepare to interview a potential teammate, one of the things you should focus on and be attune to is whether they are able to set and keep healthy boundaries. Often applicants will want to impress and will highlight their work ethic and dedication which are important things, but if they cannot find a work/life balance then there will be subsequent issues.

The idol of work in ministry is just that: an idol. The ministry is not dependent upon our time cards or the amount of time we are working for the ministry. If we have an all-or-nothing mentality, what it reveals is an idol within in our hearts that says, “Without me, this ministry will not survive.” That is a savior mentality, and last I checked, there is only one Savior and it isn’t us. That means we should be aware of how the applicant talks about their boundaries and we should be asking questions to make sure they have healthy ones for clarification. It would also be beneficial to let them know that the ministry has boundaries and that you, as a supervisor, will make sure they are honored.

6. Authenticity.

This may sound simple enough, but the reality is there are people who simply interview and present well. What we should be looking for is authenticity within the person as a whole. This includes getting references and following up on them. Not in a “let’s find a fault” type of way, but to make sure you know all you can about the person you may bring onto your team. We want to make sure the person we interview is the same person who will show up to work each day. We want to ensure that in moments of stress this person will still embrace the mission and vision of the ministry and the church. So ask questions about personality types. Find out their love languages. Ask what their communication and work styles are. Seek to understand how they function in difficult circumstances. By doing these things you will begin to get a holistic idea of the individual and their potential fit in the position.

And as a brief aside, I would also recommend doing these things for applicants you know personally (i.e. people within the church, friends, etc.). While it may be easy for us to assert that “we know them,” the reality is you probably haven’t worked with them before in this type of environment. You must do due diligence in hiring someone and that means following up, asking good questions, and contacting references. That way you have a holistic understanding of how they operate within work environments and can truly seek to understand if they will be a good fit for your team.

Speaking Tips: Humor is Your Friend

Posted on by Leave a comment

When speaking to an audience humor is a necessary resource to have in your arsenal. But humor is often over-used or under-utilized. Speakers can tend to lean into humor too much in an attempt to relate to their audience and to pull them in. Other times they barely use it or use it to little or no effect.

As ministers our job is to effectively and clearly communicate the Gospel to our people. But that communication doesn’t need to be dry or boring but alive, passionate, and engaging. When we share God’s Word it should draw people in and help them engage and apply the truths of Scripture to their lives. Humor is one way we can help our students understand, relate to the Bible and apply it to their lives. I believe we serve a God of joy and humor and that we see this throughout Scripture. Since we are created in His image we should be utilizing it in our own lives and in our teaching.

Tell personal stories.

Stories are a great way to communicate humor but I would assert the best types of stories are personal ones. Now that is not to say stories that aren’t personal should never be used. I’m simply saying personal stories resonate more with the people you’re speaking to because it makes you more relatable, authentic, and personal. So look to use funny stories and anecdotes from your own life and share those to help elevate the points you are making.

Be intentional with humor.

Often times speakers use humor just to use humor. But as communicators of the Gospel everything we say and do should be done to drive people to God and the truth of His Word. We shouldn’t just throw out a joke to get a laugh or to poke fun at someone or something. Instead, our humor should be utilized to point people to Jesus and to emphasize a point from Scripture. Being intentional with our humor keeps the focus on God and not on the speaker. It should be used to help your audience remember what is being shared not simply to tell a joke.

Utilize humor to emphasize a point.

One of my favorite ways to use humor is by telling a funny story that emphasizes the point I’m trying to get across. If I’m looking to make the point that “trust is necessary in following Jesus,” I may tell a funny story about when I didn’t trust someone, leading to not great results. But there is also the opportunity to use humor and move into a serious moment. Sometimes when I tell a story, I know there are humorous moments in it but that the end result is more serious in nature. This dramatic switch pulls people in and drills home your point. If I tell a funny story about not trusting someone when it comes to starting a camp fire, which includes lots of funny missteps but ends with me burning down the campsite, the dramatic effect will bring people in and highlight the consequences of not trusting someone else. Humor is a great resource when emphasizing a point but it must be done well.

Sarcasm isn’t your friend.

Sarcasm is defined as the use of irony to mock or convey contempt, and is often used to share hurtful truths thinly veiled in humor. I frequently hear students joke about how their spiritual gift is sarcasm, but this type of humor is often hurtful and mean. Because of these truths, I would highly recommend not using sarcasm even if you are “good at it.”

There are times where sarcasm may be useful in a message, like when you are being sarcastic about a negative attribute or habit while trying to point your students toward a positive point (i.e. no one ever tells a lie). But we must ask, “Is it worth it?” What we might not know is that our sarcasm may actually hurt or alienate a student because they could feel targeted or they could be wrestling with that issue. If our humor could be received as hurtful, is there really a reason to be using it? I would encourage you to not utilize sarcasm and instead look to utilize other forms of humor to help emphasize your point(s). That isn’t to say you can never use sarcasm, but you need to be mindful of how and when you do.

Never poke fun at students.

This point should be obvious, but I think sometimes we forget about it in the midst of our messages. Poking fun at students should never be part of your sermon. It could make the individual student feel targeted and make other students feel like your gathering isn’t a safe place because they may get called out or made fun of from the stage. Having fun at the expense of students should never be what we do because we never want to hinder someone from understanding or embracing the Gospel at the sake of a quick joke. Instead, I would encourage you to make fun of yourself, your stories, or things you have experienced. This will allow you to better connect with your audience because you are being authentic and real with them while highlighting the realities that everyone struggles with.

See the humor in Scripture.

Part of utilizing humor is seeing that God is a God of humor and seeing those moments in Scripture. Think about when Jesus asks the disciples if they caught any fish in John 14. Jesus is asking a bunch of fishermen if they had caught any fish. Now these are guys who have made their living catching fish and for Jesus to pose this question, it’s kind of like a subtle jab at the disciples asking if their previous career path has paid off instead of following the Messiah. Jesus then tells them to throw their nets on the other side. At this point there is clear humor here because of course they had tried all the different methods but nothing worked. Jesus is saying, “Don’t you understand who I am?! I am the Messiah and your old way of living isn’t working because I have come to change your lives!” But the humorous way He goes about doing this cannot be dismissed. When you see the humor in the Bible it allows you to naturally impart humor into your messages.

You don’t have to be naturally funny to use humor.

I’ve talked with many youth workers who have a desire to use humor but they believe they just aren’t funny or don’t know how to use humor. But the reality is that everyone can be funny in their own way and it doesn’t have to look the same with each person. Having different styles or senses of humor is a huge blessing because your style may reach people that my style or others may not.

If you find a story you’re sharing funny, stop and ask yourself why. When you can identify the humorous aspects of your story it gives you a point or angle to emphasize and in doing so, help others to see the humor you’re using. Don’t count yourself out because you aren’t a comedian. Instead, lean into the humor you see or experience and help communicate that with others as you share your stories.

Speaking Tips: Utilizing Space

Posted on by Leave a comment

Last week we kicked off a brand new series called “Speaking Tips.” This series is designed to help us grow as speakers and to critically think through how to be the best speaker God has equipped and empowered us to be. It is my desire that this series encourages you and provides some tips that will save you from learning the hard way like I did.

When it comes to the spaces we teach in, our propensity may be to look at the space with frustration or desire. Frustration perhaps because the space isn’t what we want or need. And desire because we long for a space that is better suited for our context and students.

I get it. The spaces student ministries utilize are often not what we would desire. Instead it is often shared or multi-purpose space, an area with hand-me-down couches, games and activities that were donated and have seen better days, or spaces that feel like an old closet or classroom was converted as a place “to put students.”

Let me encourage you to not see your space as a limitation or to long for something better, but instead to embrace what you have and leverage it to meet your needs. Today, I want to share with you a few tips to utilize the space you have and use it in effective ways to reach your students.

Shake up where you speak from.

When I first started out in a paid ministry position I was super stationary. I was a senior pastor at a small church (like 8-10 people small), I was glued to the pulpit, and I was fairly rigid. As I have continued to serve and grow in ministry, I’ve come to see the value in movement when teaching. Whether I’m speaking to a youth group, teaching at a school chapel, or preaching at our church, I am always trying to switch things around. Sometimes on a Sunday morning I may teach from the center of the room instead of the front. During our Wednesday night programming I make my main points from different spots in the room because it forces a new perspective.

Be mobile when you talk.

If you’re able to move around when you talk, I highly recommend that you do so. Even minor movements help to focus people’s eyes which triggers renewed awareness and attention. However, your movement shouldn’t be sporadic or without purpose, but instead it should be intentional and focused to help communicate your message and emphasize its points. Even simply moving away from a podium, using your hands and arms to demonstrate a point, or walking to different parts of the stage or room will bring people into your message and what is being communicated.

Leverage the space you have.

It’s easy to feel frustrated with the space we have if it isn’t ideal or what we need. But having any type of space is a huge blessing, and one we need to make the most of. So think about the space you have to speak from and make it work for you. Be willing to try something new. Think about how you can change the lighting or seating arrangements to fit the type of conversation you’re having. Creatively think through what elements you can bring to the teaching space to accent it. Even minor adjustments can effect great change in the space you have and in how your message is received. Don’t simply change the space just to change it, but think about how changing the space can help you effectively communicate your message.

Utilize different postures.

This is one that really impacts how you speak and what the audience hears and understands. When you can go from a standing position to a seated position you are bringing the audience into a more intimate and vulnerable place. If you can utilize a height differential it will also force a new perspective and allow you to critically assess how you’re engaging the audience. Think about how a stage elevates the people on it which forces the perspective and shifts how people will see and perceive you. If you’re able to change your posture it will switch how you’re able to engage your audience and how they will receive what you’re saying.

Bring in different teachers and styles of teaching.

Sharing your platform says a lot about the type of leader you are. If you are willing to be more open-handed it allows different voices to be heard by your students and for a greater chance of impact in their lives. Students hear and receive things in new ways from different speakers and that fosters growth and change in their lives. And as a bonus point, this highlights to your students that you both trust and value your leaders enough to let them take the stage.

This will also help you engage multiple speaking styles which don’t all have to be from you. When you can use different teaching styles (narrative, expository, group discussion, testimonies, etc.) it communicates your messages in unique ways that will register with students differently. And when you share your platform you are allowing others to step into that space and naturally assist with it.

Speaking Tips: Leveraging Your Voice

Posted on by Leave a comment

The other week I turned thirty seven years old and it hit me that I have been in ministry for almost two decades in various capacities. As I was reflecting back on this, I realized how much my speaking style and ability has changed and grown over the years. Much of this growth came through trial and error, learning from mistakes, continued education, and learning from mentors.

It is extremely humbling that I am where I am as a pastor and speaker, because I should never have been able to do any of this. I was born with a severe speech impediment and tongue tie. Fun fact, I still have a bit of tongue tie today because they couldn’t fully remove it. For years after the surgery I was in speech therapy, and even today will have moments when I mispronounce words. I was also extremely terrified to speak in front of people. In high school I would shake during presentations, I would have extreme cotton mouth, and would try to find any way out of having to stand in front of the class.

But by God’s grace, He called me into ministry and has allowed me to grow and develop into a person who speaks and teaches regularly. I am by no means a world class speaker or teacher, but I have studied and grown in my own abilities and wanted to share my insights and tips with you. Many of these have been learned through failure and growth opportunities. I hope this series encourages you and provides some tips that will save you from learning the hard way like I did.

For today’s post, I want to share ways that you can leverage your voice as you teach and shepherd your people. Your voice is one of your greatest resources and tools, and when you master it, you can use it with great results.

Utilize volume.

One of the best things you can do with your voice is to control the volume at which you speak. When you transition from a normal speaking volume to a whisper, it brings people in. When you move to a more dramatic and louder voice it communicates heightened intensity or emphasizes a point. It is important to note that when you get loud it isn’t yelling but speaking loudly. If you can balance speaking loudly versus yelling it will help engender you to your students because they don’t see you as authoritative but instead as someone who can lovingly guide and direct.

Inflection is a great gift.

Inflection is defined as “a change in the pitch or tone of a person’s voice.” This is more than just volume but changing the way you actually communicate verbally. Think about the best vocal storyteller you know. What made them special? It was probably the way they told the story and typically that all has to do with inflection. Inflection can be switching up the speed of what you say, enunciating certain words or syllables, speaking for dramatic affect, utilizing your voice to communicate different meanings in a sentence or phrase, and even speaking in various voices like monotone or emphatically. Utilizing this skill not only will make you a better teacher and story teller but will also cultivate a desire to listen within your students.

Pace is key.

Some people are naturally fast talkers, while others tend to be slower. Neither is a bad thing unless it keeps your audience from paying attention and listening. What you need to find is a pace that is comfortable for you, relatable to your audience, and effective in communicating your message. Pace isn’t just about speed but knowing when to change your speed, when to embrace the technique of pausing, and knowing what pace is most effective with your audience. Throughout a message you may have varying paces but walking through a practice run of your message will help to fine tune what pace you need at what time during your message.

Speak from the diaphragm.

One of the best pieces of advice I received about speaking came in college. A prof was speaking about using our voices and talked about how utilizing our diaphragm allows us to control our volume, tone, projection, and longevity of breath. When you breathe deeper and speak from the diaphragm it affords you more control and ability to use your voice in multiple capacities. To know if you’re speaking from the diaphragm you will feel your breaths being deeper, your projection growing without yelling, and the ability to control your speed increase. This is more than a deep breath, it is allowing your whole body to help you speak and you will feel it within your stomach, lungs, and vocal chords.

Practice and watch.

Practice, practice, practice. The more you practice the better at controlling and leveraging your voice you will become. In fact, one of the best ways to grow as you practice is to actually record yourself and watch and listen to how you use your voice. I know that even suggesting watching yourself speak can be uncomfortable. I get it. I hate watching myself speak because I am always my toughest critic. But when I watch myself it challenges me to think about areas in which I can grow. It isn’t about critique but about finding ways to grow.

Communication with Parents: 5 Things to Think About

Posted on by Leave a comment

When it comes to communication with parents, every ministry has their own way of doing it. Some utilize social media, others use email providers. Some ministries may print out yearly calendars. And still others may manage their own websites or incorporate texting services.

Regardless of the means of communication, we must realize the importance of it. Communication with parents is paramount to helping our ministry succeed and in helping parents in disciple their students. Communication isn’t just about getting information out; it is also about helping to equip, empower, and shepherd parents as they love and guide their students.

In this post, I want to highlight aspects of communication that we should be considering as we seek to disseminate information and help to support and guide the parents of our students. I don’t want to say “this is how you must communicate” because how each ministry does this is unique based upon a litany of circumstances. Instead, I want to help us to think critically about the how and why of communication so as to best utilize the resources at our disposal.

How often should you communicate?

We may think the more information we send the better because it allows everyone to know what is going on. But sending emails, texts, or other communications haphazardly can actually be problematic. Getting more communication can often lead to people being overwhelmed or dismissive because it comes too often. Just think about how you feel when your inbox is inundated with emails. You probably delete many without opening them. That is not the response we want.

Instead of sending more communications, we should think ahead and try to communicate everything in only a few ways in a concise and clear manner. Whatever your rhythm looks like, make sure that you aren’t communicating to just communicate but there is intentionality and clarity.

What medium(s) should you use?

When thinking about communication it is important to discern who you are communicating with as that will help you decide what medium to use. For example, if you’re utilizing social media to communicate with parents, it would be most advantageous to choose a platform the majority of them use. If many are on Facebook, but only some are on Instagram, use the platform that will reach the most parents per post.

It is also important to acknowledge your unique context when sending communications. Are people in your community more apt to read emails or text messages? Would physical mail reach more people than social media? Are paper handouts like calendars better resources than a digital newsletter? Asking these types of questions will help you discern what methods will work best for you community and better allow your information to be received, understood, and acted upon.

How much should be communicated?

This is a very important point to remember: communication is about balance. A wise man once told me, “Nick, you over-communicate. You don’t need to give everyone every little piece of the story. Instead, allow them to be a part of your life and story by giving them the opportunity to ask questions and find out more.” My mentor wasn’t telling me not to communicate, but to take a breath and find a balance between overwhelming people and the place where they’re engaged and want to be a part of what I share.

The same is true for our communications to parents. While we may desire to communicate every little detail, the point of the communication may get lost. So be mindful about how much you actually communicate and work toward clear, concise, and helpful information.

What should be communicated?

In short, communication isn’t just about information. Yes, getting out concise and clear information to parents is important but your communication should be more than that. Think of how you relate to and take in information. Do you remember more things when it’s simply informative or when there are stories connected to the information? Do you engage more with emails that simply give you details or ones that are more relational? There’s a reason Jesus uses stories more often than not in His ministry. Stories connect, teach, and guide us because we are designed to connect relationally.

Take time in your communications to share stories of what is happening. Instead of simply posting photos from your trip, share stories about what happened and what you saw Jesus do in the lives of your students. Rather than just share dates of events throughout the year, share how your vision and mission impact what you do and how you’ve seen God use it. Not only are you sharing stories but you’re communicating the heart and passion of your ministry and showcasing the work and power of Jesus.

When should you communicate?

Establishing a rhythm of communication is important and beneficial in making sure what is communicated is received. It helps parents know when to expect to receive something so they will be watching for it. For some ministries monthly communication is best, but for others it may need to be more frequent. It is important to find what works best for you and your community, because if you start over-communicating, information will get lost.

Find a rhythm that works for your ministry and seek to implement it. Our rhythm is a monthly newsletter coupled with a social media rhythm that stays fairly consistent. Our social media seeks to be more interactive with some information, but our emails focus solely on communication and stories. That doesn’t mean you can’t break the rhythm or pattern for certain moments like retreat updates or special events, but the more consistent you are with your rhythm, the more parents will focus on what is shared.

6 Tips for Handling Suggestions

Posted on by Leave a comment

Have you ever thought about…? Why don’t we…? Could we or could you…? Would we ever…? If you have been in ministry for more than a day or two you have probably had someone come up to you with a question that started like these. I know I get them all the time. And most of the time, unless they are from students, it is in a passing conversation or in an email.

It’s hard hearing suggestions when you run a ministry because it is easy for us to take it personally. We do this not only because we feel challenged or that our work isn’t up to par, but also because it feels like a targeted response to our calling and our leadership in ministry.

But let me ask you a few questions. How did you respond to it? Did your heart and head handle it well? Did you respond in the moment? How did you make an informed decision?

More often than not, I have found that when people offer suggestions they aren’t doing it to challenge us or to call out our leadership or heart for ministry. It is often rooted in seeking to understand or to truly offer up something they think will be beneficial for others because it was for them. As ministry leaders, we must respond well to these suggestions and lead out as Christ would. But what does that practically look like for us? Today I want to offer you six tips on how to handle suggestions well.

1. Listen well.

It is so easy to jump to conclusions or to make assumptions when some offers a suggestion. We may think we know what they want to say and we may even guess their motives or reasoning. But regardless of whether we are correct in our thinking or not, listening well is essential. Listening to someone values that person and helps them to feel known. Listening also gives you greater clarity, perspective, and understand because it allows you to see the whole picture and gives you more understanding from other viewpoints.

2. Think and pray before responding.

If you’re like me, sometimes you may respond a little too quickly. I’ve had many foot-in-mouth moments that I’ve had to apologize for, so now I make a habit of pausing and praying before responding especially if the suggestion is more critical or personal. I don’t ever want to respond out of frustration or ignorance or defensively because that can erode any credibility I may have in that relationship. Instead, pausing to collect your thoughts and asking for guidance from the Holy Spirit will help to center and calm your thoughts and response which will allow you to best engage in the conversation.

3. Ask clarifying questions.

This will serve you so well when people come to you with a suggestion. By seeking clarity and asking thoughtful questions, you will not only garner a better understanding of what is being suggested, but you will also value that individual because you have heard and responded well to them. Asking questions affirms people, lets them know you care and want to have a well-rounded viewpoint, and truly want to engage with them.

When you ask questions look for information, the motivation, how it works with the mission and vision, and logistics to help provide you and the person who came to you with a greater sense of clarity and relational equity.

4. Respond with grace and humility.

Sometimes it is easy to get flustered, annoyed, or even angry when people offer suggestions because it may feel personal whether it’s directed at you or the ministry you steward. But we need to remember not every suggestion is an attack, and even if it is, our response should be one that mirrors Jesus to them.

Do not misunderstand me: I am not advocating for simply taking unsubstantiated accusations or personal attacks lying down. However, I am advocating for showing grace and love with truth. By responding as Jesus would, we are carrying well the calling that He has bestowed upon us, and also seeking to care well for our flock even if it hurts at times. So lovingly respond to these moments and individuals and highlight the growth and leadership capabilities God has given you.

5. Clearly explain your reasoning.

There will be times when someone shares a suggestion and you will disagree or not act on what they are saying. This could be due to different philosophies of ministry, lack of understanding of student culture, not aligning with the values and vision of the ministry, and many other reasons. While we may know why we disagree or aren’t acting, we need to remember that the person who came to us may not. They may not be aware of all the insight, past experience, or trial and error that you and your team have walked through.

What that means for us is we need to be intentional in communicating our rationale and reasoning to the person who came to us. We don’t need to lecture or point out the flaws in their perspective, but instead we should strive to clearly show them why we are responding the way we are. We should also realize we may never see eye-to-eye on the perspective but that doesn’t mean we cannot be for one another and still be united in reaching students. So seek to be clear but remember that we are all siblings in Christ and let His message be what drives us.

6. Be willing to take guidance and make changes.

There are times when the suggestions people make are valid and should be considered. These moments may not always feel great because they highlight a blind spot or an area in which we need to improve, but we shouldn’t dismiss the advice and guidance. Instead we should hear what is said and look to make changes and improvements based off what is shared.

There are people who care deeply and want to help you and your ministry succeed and they will offer ways to do just that. Even when people offer a critical suggestion, that doesn’t mean you can’t grow and learn from them. Instead seek to understand, analyze, and assess if there is anything you can take away and use to help yourself, the ministry, or both.

How do you handle suggestions? What is a proactive way people could share suggestions with you?

6 Tips for the New Year

Posted on by Leave a comment

January is almost upon us, and if you’re like me this year has probably flown by. And you may also be like me if you can look back on this past year and see areas you excelled in but others in which you need to grow.

Self reflection is not only helpful but I would argue it is necessary as well. As ministry leaders it’s essential to think about what we need to be doing and what we should stop doing. For our post this week I want to share three things we need to be doing (or continuing to do) and three things we need to stop doing.

Start or continue to…

1. Invest in your leaders. This is honestly something I wish I had learned earlier in my career. Our leaders are huge assets to our ministries and students. They allow our ministries to continue and they are the ones pouring into our students. The more you invest in your leaders, the more you will see outflow from that investment and cultivate a community of leaders who generate leaders. So invest in them relationally, spiritually, personally, and professionally. Doing so will allow your ministry to grow and flourish as you have leaders who are developing and cultivating new leaders.

2. Keep and maintain a schedule. This is often easier said than done in ministry. We may set up a schedule but often times we don’t keep it because, well, it’s ministry. We see it as we are doing God’s work and therefore we are always on the clock. But that isn’t what God has called us to. In fact, the very nature of sabbath is meant to keep us from becoming a workaholic and someone who doesn’t have healthy boundaries.

Instead, let me encourage you to keep a schedule and maintain it. Keep a Google calendar, have someone hold you accountable to your schedule, keep your time off as time off, protect your spaces, and make sure to honor the time you are giving. Don’t show up late, don’t forget meetings, don’t sacrifice your spiritual growth, and don’t forget your family. By adhering to a healthy schedule you will see yourself grow and mature as a healthy leader, and your ministry will follow suit.

3. Care for yourself. This isn’t selfish, this is necessary. Self-care is something we need to be more proactive in incorporating into our lives. If we aren’t taking care of our spiritual, emotional, mental, physical, and relational health our ministries and our lives will suffer. In order to lead well we need to be healthy and growing. So make sure to carve out intentional time to pause, have a sabbath rhythm, take time off, stop working when you leave the office, invest in community for yourself, spend time with those you love, and do things that fill your tank. This is something you must be doing in order to lead well and sustain yourself in ministry.

Stop…

1. Trying to please people. If you’re a people-pleaser at heart this is probably really hard for you to hear. But if you work at a church, let’s be honest, we have all fallen into this space before. At some point–or regularly–we try to please bosses, parents, elders, staff, or whomever. Now I am not saying to not do a good job or to approach your ministry with a laissez-faire attitude. We should work hard and seek to do our best, but I am saying that our primary goal shouldn’t be pleasing others. Instead we should seek to please God and to do what He has called us to.

2. Putting work first. Let me be very clear here: you are not defined by your ministry nor are you defined by how much you work. Instead, you are defined by your relationship with Jesus, how you impart that relationship into all moments and relationships, and how you live out your calling. God never calls us to put our jobs first. He tells us our priority is our relationship with Him, then our relationship with our families, then our relationship with the church. If we get that structure out of order we will continue to struggle and get burned out. Having our priorities correctly ordered will allow us to be the leaders that God has called us to be.

3. Comparing yourself and your ministry. This was something I was guilty of early on in my career. I came out of undergrad having been told I’d be making huge changes in the world as a pastor and that alumni like me created lasting legacies. Well, imagine my surprise when I didn’t go directly into ministry. And when I did it was at a tiny church in the middle of nowhere New Jersey. Then in youth ministry I went to all the mainline conferences and heard about other ministries and their budgets and programming. I saw all the gadgets and cool tech toys. I heard from the gurus of youth ministry and the highlights of amazing youth workers around the country. And then realized I didn’t have any of those things nor was I one of those people.

If I’m honest I tried to shape our ministry to match the ones I had seen and tried to adjust my teaching style to match those I heard and idolized. But the truth is that none of that mattered or made a difference. My students and families didn’t want someone else or some glitzy program. They wanted authenticity, relationships, a youth pastor who was himself, and a place they could come and be known. The lights and hazers didn’t matter. I didn’t have to be an amazing speaker. We didn’t have to have all the cool new games and activities. Instead, being myself and working in the context and confines we had allowed us to build an authentic community where our students could come and flourish. Comparison will destroy you and your ministry if you allow it. It is healthy to critique your ministry and look for information and resources. What isn’t healthy is comparing yourself or your ministry, or trying to be someone or something else.

How to Make Leader Parties Special

Posted on by Leave a comment

This is typically the time of year that many of us are hosting parties of various kinds and undoubtedly will host a party for our leaders. Our leaders are amazing, and without them our ministries wouldn’t be able to happen. Regardless of our ministry budget, how many leaders we have, or even what our options may be, showing love and care is vital to help our leaders know that we value them.

Today, I want to share a few ways you can host a party for your leaders that is meaningful and special, even if resources are not ideal. The ideas below are low- to no-cost and meant to hopefully provide a spark of creativity and insight as you seek to encourage your leaders.

Utilize families.

One of the blessings of student ministry is that we get to partner with families. We are able to walk with, encourage, and be for our families in all moments. Families see this and most are aware of how important our leaders are because they see the evidence in the lives of their students. So consider asking families to help with putting on a leader party.

You may have a couple of parents or families who love to host and put together parties who will run the whole thing for you. Or there may be a family who would love to offer their home as a place for you to gather offsite that feels more special and intimate. You can also create a Sign Up Genius form where families could sign up to bring food for either a meal or a dessert buffet. Another fun and really special idea would be asking families to bless their student’s small group leader with a gift, a meal, or card shower to make your leader party even more special. Imagine if you could give each leader a special gift from the families in the church and consider how seen, loved, and known they will feel.

Utilize students.

What if you encouraged your students to bless your leaders whenever you have a party for them? If you have a Christmas party for your leaders, have your students write Christmas cards or bake for them. Maybe even have your students bring a gift for their leaders. Even a small card or gift will do wonderful things in encouraging your leaders. If it’s an “end of the year” party, maybe have your students gather around their leaders and pray over them.

Any time you have a gathering for leaders, you could have students write thank you notes to them. A handwritten note acknowledging what you thought no one saw or understood brings such a sense of joy, peace, and accomplishment. You could also have your students be the hosts and waiters at your parties if applicable. Having students bring out the food and serve leaders or even greet them and say thank you is a really fun way to encourage leaders. These are a few ways you could utilize your students to make your leader parties special and meaningful.

Have food and drinks.

Refreshments don’t need to be extravagant or expensive. You could make a quick and tasty punch from items found at Aldi or Dollar Tree with orange juice, cranberry juice, ginger ale, and sherbet, and you wouldn’t break the bank. Tasty snacks can also be purchased at these stores and by putting them in a bowl or on a platter, you have made the gathering a lot more inviting and intentional.

If purchasing items is off the table (food pun intended), consider making the gathering a potluck and create a theme to make it more fun. Do a baked potato bar and have everyone bring their favorite toppings. Host a brunch and ask everyone to bring their favorite breakfast dish to share.

Provide a gift.

This can be a tough thing to do depending on your budget, but even small gifts mean a lot. You could find things on Etsy or at places like 5 Below that may not cost a lot but can be meaningful or funny or relatable to your team. You may not be able to purchase gifts, but you may be able to make something special for your leaders. I love to make candles as a hobby, and I have a ton of supplies at home where I could make a votive for each leader with minimal cost. Elise is a gifted artist, and loves to create all types of things that leaders would love.

For those type of things to be able to happen, you need to be thinking intentionally before the party because otherwise you will be stressed for time and it may not happen. Even a nice handwritten card encouraging your leaders and speaking about the ways you have seen them step up would be a wonderful gift to receive as everyone loves encouragement and a handwritten card. Often times the smallest gifts are the most meaningful because they show thoughtfulness and intentionality.

Take time to encourage them.

I try to be very intentional about encouragement because our leaders need to know how important they are and how thankful we are for them. Student ministry is hard! And there are times we may want to quit, and we are paid. Think about our volunteers who show up and probably don’t see much return on their investments, and yet they keep coming back and taking more and more upon their shoulders. They are awesome individuals, and taking the time to recognize them and encourage them is not only welcomed but I would assert it is necessary. So at your gatherings carve out time to intentionally speak into their lives, to highlight God moments you have seen, to laugh with them, and to honor them. Don’t throw it at the back end of a meeting but be intentional with where it is placed to show your leaders how important and valuable they are.

Shape the environment.

This is super important and should not be something we push to the side or forget about. I know for many of us, we have less than ideal locations for hosting a party. Perhaps you have a small church where the options are slim-to-none for hosting, except for the gym/Awana Room/fellowship hall/storage area. Maybe you are a church that is all multi-purpose so you don’t have a space to call your own and shape fully to your desire. Or maybe you are a church plant and you don’t even have a space because you rent a building only on Sundays.

I get it, shaping the environment can be hard sometimes, but I don’t think that should cause us to not try. Wherever you end up hosting, whether the Awana Room, your youth room, or at your own home, look to shape the environment to make it warm, welcoming, festive, and fun. Think about playing music for the party. If it’s Christmastime, play Christmas music. If it’s an “end of year” celebration, play throwback tunes for your leaders. Think about decorations. Are there ways you could make the time together feel special? Add tablecloths to the old wooden tables, hang Christmas lights or put up a Christmas tree, or rearrange the furniture to make it feel more welcoming or like a living room space. These things, while they may seem small, show intentionality and communicate that your leaders matter. So don’t think about what you don’t have, consider what you can do to make the setting special for your people.

When You Can’t Help

Posted on by Leave a comment

Have you ever felt like you don’t have the answers? Or perhaps like you are powerless to affect change? Working in ministry, we will often be presented with circumstances we have little to no control over. There are moments when we just want to wrap up our students in bubble wrap and put them in a safe place to protect them from all the hurt and pain in the world. We will be in conversations that break our hearts, our words will fail us, and we’ll see no clear path of direction to offer. We will be broken when we are faced with the reality of sin and the hurt and pain it brings in the lives of our people.

So what do we do in those moments when words, encouragement, guidance, and solutions fail us? How do we still help our people? I wish I had a simple and direct answer for you, but the truth is, I don’t. I have been faced with these moments more often than I care to admit. Moments where words fail and my heart breaks because I can’t fix things. But what I can offer you are some insights for how we can navigate these moments and care well for our people even when we don’t have all the answers.

Pray…a lot.

If you know the conversation is going to occur before you enter into it, pray for the conversation. Pray during the conversation. And pray after the conversation. Prayer is often implied but can be forgotten or treated as an afterthought. These moments–before, during, and after–need to be covered in prayer because without it, we truly are powerless to help. But prayer forces us to rely upon the power that is outside of ourselves, the healing power of God.

Be honest.

Whenever we enter into these conversations our propensity can trend toward trying to hold everything together and not show emotions for fear of exasperating the situation and circumstances. But I would actually encourage you to share your feelings and thoughts. The more honest and transparent we are, the greater the opportunity we have to empathize and sympathize with others. It shows them that we are in those moments with them. It communicates care and love. And it highlights what we are able to do and not do.

Let me encourage you to not offer answers when you aren’t sure or don’t have a solution. I have found that people don’t always come seeking a solution but instead a listening ear and friend or leader who cares. So be honest with your limitations but also continue to seek to help by pointing them toward people or solutions that will help.

Show emotion.

One of the best things you can do is to emote during these moments. I’m not saying that you should always reflect the emotions of the other person (consider if they are displaying anger and violence, it wouldn’t be beneficial for you to reciprocate in kind), but demonstrate appropriate emotions within the context of the conversation. If it’s breaking your heart let those emotions show. If there is righteous anger, share it appropriately. Emotion is a powerful tool and a gift from God. We serve a God who is an emotional Being and created us in His image which is reflected through our emotions and feelings. So let me encourage you to reflect and emote appropriately and in ways that communicate understanding, love, and empathy.

Listen.

This point cannot be overstated. I think often when we “listen,” we listen to solve the problem or offer solutions. I get it, that is part of our job. We are where we are because we are seeking to help people grow and be more like Jesus. But when we only listen to find a solution, we miss the deeper heart issues along with finding out what the other person truly wants and needs.

Think of it in this way: if someone comes to you with problems in a relationship and you already have the solution before they finish sharing, you may jump in and cut them off or may incorrectly diagnose the problem and the solution. Cutting someone off communicates we don’t value them or the relationship but only finding a solution. And if we miss-diagnose the problem and solution, we may actually do more harm than good going forward (i.e. we may find the solution to be reconciliation in the relationship but that may not be possible and we would only know that if we listen fully). In these moments, listen well. Don’t listen to problem solve or offer a solution, listen to show understanding, empathy, and friendship. Care well and embody this by how you listen.

Follow up.

Following up is something I need to be better about. If I don’t make a notation on my calendar or set reminders on my phone, I can forget to do it. But it cannot be something that falls by the wayside. This is one of the most important pieces when it comes to these conversations. Following up shows our people we care and see them as more than just a conversation or problem in need of a solution. It shows them that they matter to us and that we value them and the relationship we have with them.

The goal isn’t for us to follow up and declare that we found an answer or we know what to do (although if that does happen, share it in the right moment in the right way). Instead, you can continue to show them that they matter and that you are invested in them. It can be a text saying you’re praying for them, it could be sending a card to them, it could be buying them a cup of coffee and not having a conversation agenda, or it could be as simple as giving them a hug the next time you see them (if appropriate). Whatever follow up looks like for you, make sure it is always a part of these moments.

Connect them with people who can help.

There are often moments in these conversations when you will realize you are not the best equipped person to be helping in that moment. That is okay! In fact, the more you are able to realize it, the better suited you are to make sure they receive the best care possible. As you listen and engage, think through who you can connect your people with to make sure they have the best care and help possible. This may not be something you address in the moment, but could be something you offer after the conversation. Be aware of the various organizations, resources, counselors, and other connections you can make within your church and community so you can refer and connect people with the appropriate professionals and help that is available.