Category: self-care

Staying Healthy While Leading

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It’s quickly becoming cold and flu season. With students back in school, the change in weather, and youth group running consistently, illnesses pop and spread quickly. In our community, the first week of school saw a high number of students who became sick and that trend has continued through the year with students, families, and leaders.

We all know that illnesses can spread quickly among a youth group. Whether it’s the common cold, norovirus, Covid, sore throats, or a stomach bug, these illnesses do not pick and choose who they grow attached to, and that person may be you. But there are cautionary steps we can take to try and avoid those illnesses as much as possible.

Exercise.

Part of staying healthy is taking proactive steps before you become sick. Taking time to exercise and help your body grow stronger will help you stay healthy especially during those peak seasons of illness.

This isn’t about overdoing it, but exercising within your limits and abilities at a frequency you can maintain. Incorporating this rhythm into your routine will help your body in being able to fight off some of the common illnesses you will see at youth group.

Drink plenty of fluids.

A good doctor will always tell you that part of staying healthy and helping to get rid of things like the common cold is to drink plenty of fluids. That doesn’t mean soda and energy drinks but lots of water, electrolytes, natural fruit juice, and fluids like different teas that have immunity-boosting qualities. The more you hydrate the better your body will be at negotiating times of illness and you will also find that your voice has greater longevity when you’re speaking more often.

Don’t share food.

This seems like a no-brainer to me, but I get it. In youth group, finishing a slice of pizza at the end of the night seems like a good idea. Until you consider how many hands have been on it and how many people have breathed (and maybe sneezed) on it.

Those types of things should stop us from sharing food at youth events because it allows for germs to spread quickly. Instead of grabbing at the leftovers or sharing a soda with a fellow youth leader, consider an alternative to help protect your body from getting sick.

Wash your hands well and be mindful of what you touch.

Let’s be honest: students can be kind of gross. Many of them don’t wash their hands, they’re touching things without good hygiene, they want to be close to caring adults, and have been in a variety of settings where germs are being frequently spread.

In light of that, you must make sure to wash your hands well, and often, and to be aware of what you are touching. Don’t put food, or your fingers, in your mouth without washing your hands. Watch to make sure people aren’t grabbing at the food with unwashed hands. These types of steps help you to be proactive in preventing the potential spread of germs and illnesses.

Stay away from caffeinated drinks when teaching and talking a lot.

If you’re feeling under the weather but not necessarily sick, and you continue to lead and teach, you will find yourself often reaching for something with caffeine to give you that boost to make it through. But caffeine can actually hamper your vocal cords which then leads to you putting additional stress on them and yourself to try to push through.

This leads to depletion and opens you up to getting even sicker. So instead of grabbing coffee or an energy drink, get good rest, drink decaf tea with honey, take throat drops, and consider taking time off to allow your body to heal.

Get a good amount of rest.

Rest is extremely underrated in ministry circles. Humanity is incredibly bad at resting and in ministry we almost see rest as a sin and are willing to push ourselves to exhaustion because it’s “ministry” and “our calling.”

But God tells us to rest, He models it for us, and He even builds it into a rhythm so we slow down and rest in Him. If we aren’t resting and taking time to breathe and be refreshed we will end up becoming more and more ineffective and depleted which will lead to a lower immune system and more time being sick. So instead of simply pushing through, take time to rest, recover, and refresh so you can do what God has called you to do.

Take preventative supplements.

I’m no doctor so please hear me when I say that before taking anything you should always consult with a doctor to make sure you can take it and that it’s helpful for you. Taking things like Emergen-C, Airborne, or other Vitamin C-boosted products can be extremely helpful during peak illness times and on trips. It helps give your body a natural boost to prepare against the illnesses and germs that will be around.

At the end of the day, we cannot stop ourselves from getting sick. We are human and part of being human means our bodies are temporary and subject to illnesses. While we cannot stop illnesses, we can be proactive and take steps to keep ourselves healthy and ready to lead. These steps are not a fix-all nor are they guaranteed, but they are proactive habits that will help you avoid getting sick and hopefully help you grow as a leader.

Healthy Ways to Disconnect

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Let me ask you a question: when was the last time you took a break? How about a true weekend without work? When was the last time you took a vacation and truly felt relaxed, at peace, and didn’t think about work?

Please understand that I am not trying to cast condemnation or criticism here. I’m in the same boat. For years, I always had my phone next to me and was ready for the next issue to arise. Every time it buzzed I feared what was happening.

It took a good couple of days to breathe and truly enjoy being on vacations. Weekends were rough because I was always thinking about what was to come. It was always hard to shut off my mind after a standard work day let alone after youth group.

Feel like you’re in the same boat? I think for a lot of us in ministry we feel that weight. We feel the complexity of working hard at our jobs and ministering to students, families, and the church, but also the added weight of a deeply personal call to shepherd and care for the people of God.

When you put all those things together they can feel heavy; they are heavy. And if you don’t put appropriate breaks, rhythms, refreshment, and space between those things and your own personal life and spiritual development, you will burn out. You will struggle with anxiety, depression, resentment, bitterness, and more. You will find distance growing between you and your family. Your family will struggle with loving the church because of what they see it doing to you.

And ultimately you will find yourself serving the church of God and not God, Himself; you will create an idol. And yes, even good things can become idols because they are not meant to be the ultimate thing in our lives.

If all of that is true—and believe me it is because I’m proof of it—what do we need to be doing differently? Today, I want to share a handful of practices I have begun to implement in my life that have been extremely helpful in disconnecting.

Bring others in.

If you’re feeling overworked, resentful, burnt out, or if the joy is gone, you need to bring people in. We are crafted for community and so often we go through life alone. Instead, we need to bring others into our lives and share honestly about what is happening.

The sooner you bring people in and are transparent with things, the better equipped you’ll be to heal and disconnect well. By bringing others in, it allows you to have accountability and a network to help you disconnect and establish boundaries.

Be honest about what you’re feeling.

I think when you work in ministry it is easy to mask how you’re feeling and to pretend like you have everything under control. That type of mentality can easily lead to isolation, frustration, and hurt which often times leads us to go through life and ministry alone.

That way of living will not allow you to disconnect because you are tying your personal life and work together in an unhealthy pattern. Instead, we need to be honest with others and ourselves about how we are doing. When we are honest we can begin to move toward growth, healing, and the ability to disconnect more because we are untying our personal and work lives.

Utilize “no phone” policies.

A great way to disconnect is to quite literally disconnect your phone. Turn on do not disturb, turn off notifications, stay off social media, and don’t check emails. If that doesn’t work, then literally turn off of your phone or put it in a different room.

Look, I get it. We need to be available but at the same time there is such a thing as work-life balance and phones don’t always allow us to maintain the proper balance. So practice healthy phone use to keep yourself from being inundated with work.

Take extra days at the beginning and end of your vacation.

Have you ever felt stressed leading up to a vacation as you are trying to button up everything at work? Have you felt like coming home from vacation feels overwhelming as you need to catch up on laundry and food shopping as well as all the emails? Me too!

That’s why Elise and I started to add additional days off to prep for vacation before we go and we have a day or two at home at the back end to readjust to normalcy. Giving yourself breathing room at the front and backend of a vacation allows you to truly rest and relax while you’re away because everything has been handled and can be handled when you return.

Be clear about your boundaries.

This one is key to being able to disconnect. The more transparent you are about your boundaries and the more willing you are to hold to them the more you’ll be able to disconnect.

This isn’t easy in the beginning but I can promise you that it is worth it. Talk about how your days off are actually days off. Be willing to tell people you aren’t checking emails or handling work-related tasks when you aren’t working. The more you talk about and model clear boundaries the more people will begin to respect them and you will be able to disconnect in healthier ways.

I’m not going to say I have mastered this. In fact there are still days and weeks that I feel the weight of ministry. But I can promise you that by putting these habits and rhythms into place you will find yourself in a much better place. Simply taking the initiative and beginning to build these into your life will help you relax and breathe better.

Encouraging Your Leaders to Rest

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I don’t know if you have leaders like I do, but I’ve noticed that my leaders tend to give 110% all year long. They show up not just when we have programming, but they also go to activities, stay late or come in early to talk to students, engage over the phone and social media, and put in countless hours on trips.

But have you ever considered encouraging them to take a break? I know that for some of you this is an obvious “yes” but for others it’s probably a “no.” I’ve worked in environments where the expectations on leaders is they keep showing up year round and if they had to take a break it was frowned upon. And then others where there’s no structure and people just come and go.

What I’m arguing for is a balanced approach where there is structure and expectations but not to the degree of overworking or burning out our people. We need to actually encourage them and challenge them to pause and refresh so they are the best version of themselves and ready to pour into our students. But how do we do that?

Model it.

Pause and consider this for a second. Do you model resting well? Are you showing your people that taking a Sabbath isn’t just a good thing but something we are commanded to do by God? Have you taken breaks, retreats, or a rest day? If we aren’t modeling resting well to our people, then why should they rest?

We need to highlight, talk about, and model rest to our people. Help them to know how to rest well. Show them that resting isn’t quitting. Help them to see why we all need to rest.

Encourage it.

This is similar to modeling rest, but it’s now being spoken out loud. Talk about rest. Highlight its importance. Bring it up in group settings and in one on one conversations. By encouraging rest, we are helping to keep our leaders from overworking, overcommitting, and burning out.

It is a preemptive approach and a biblical one that we often push to the side. So by highlighting and talking about it, we are encouraging our leaders to be more in tune with living as Jesus has called us to live.

Respect boundaries.

This is key! When was the last time someone texted or called you on your day off? Or maybe the question is this: when did you last check your work inbox or think about all the stuff you had to do at work on your day off?

The truth is we aren’t always great at respecting our own boundaries, so why do we think we will respect them period? What we need to do is start setting boundaries for ourselves, and by modeling that to others and encouraging them to have boundaries, we are helping them to build rhythms of rest into their lives.

Encourage them to have “do not disturb” set on their phones. Challenge them to disconnect at times. Remind them that they don’t need to be all things to all people which means they don’t always have to respond. Help them to be present in the moments rather than always be engaged outside of the moment (i.e. when you’re with family, you are fully present with them). These rhythms will help them to breathe, pause, and rest in ways that we should.

Schedule breaks.

One practical way you can help your leaders rest is by intentionally scheduling breaks for your program. Take time off around major holidays, take a break before or after a trip, consider shifting summer programming, or just schedule regular sabbaths in for the team. When you incorporate intentional breaks and communicate the “why” behind the break, you’re caring well for your team and helping them embrace rest.

Communicate the “why.”

Just like I shared above, communicating the “why” behind rest periods is essential. You’re highlighting your reasoning, the biblical support, and the value this is for your ministry, leaders, and families. So when you communicate this, remember to communicate not just to leaders but also to families. Help them to see the why, and encourage them to rest as well.

Quick Tip: 8 Ways to Rest Before a Trip

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Next week is our winter retreat which is typically the biggest trip of the year for our student ministry. There’s been a ton of prep work going into organizing, planning, and behind the scenes aspects that have been happening for months. In fact, this past week has been incredibly busy and stressful with final preparations and feeling the crunch of normal programming coupled with trip preparations.

I’ll be honest, this past week has been exhausting. I’ve gotten home every night, felt wiped out, and just want to veg out. As the weekend approached I knew I had to make a conscious decision to not do work and simply relax, spend time with Elise, and stay healthy.

The truth is just a few short years ago, that wouldn’t be the case. I would have been frantically checking emails, responding to calls and texts on my days off, I wouldn’t be sleeping well, and the stress would be overwhelming. After a much needed and forced period of rest, I’ve begun approaching ministry with a different perspective that is focused on maintaining my health so I can be a healthy leader.

With that in mind, I’ve approached trips and retreats differently. While yes, the weeks leading up to a student ministry trip is busy and stressful, that does not necessitate us compromising our health, time off, and time with family. So let me encourage you to actually find time to rest, relax, refuel, and prepare leading up to your trip.

But how can we do that well? Here some ways I have found beneficial:

1. Make sure to get plenty of sleep. We all know this doesn’t happen on trips, so start to give your body extra rest in preparation.

2. Hydrate and make sure your body has plenty of fluids. This is essential both before and during your trip.

3. Eat foods that are good for you and boost your immunity and overall health. Camp food is fun (said no adult ever), so preparing your body by eating well ahead of time is essential.

4. Take preventative supplements and vitamins. Gotta keep up your strength and stay healthy!

5. Spend time doing things that fill you and bring you joy. Your upcoming trip will be very demanding in multiple ways. Take time to do something for yourself to charge up ahead of time.

6. Make sure to be wholly present with your family. You’ll be spending significant time apart, make sure to do some things together before that happens.

7. Don’t do work. Yes, you’ll get frantic last minute texts, emails or calls. But someone else’s lack of planning or preparation does not necessitate an emergency on your part. A simple text response saying you’ll respond when you’re in the office will suffice. That may sound a little harsh or dismissive, but your time off and well-being is important and necessary.

8. Pray and spend time nourishing your soul. You’re going to pour out a lot on this trip, so make sure your pitcher (i.e., your soul) is filled so you can pour out.

Communicating with Your Significant Other

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Elise and I have been married for over eleven years, and both of us would say our communication has evolved since we first got married. I can speak from my perspective and share that my communication didn’t just get better but was more of a roller coaster. There were times I communicated clearly and authentically with a desire for the relationship to grow and flourish. But there have also been times where I haven’t been a great communicator. I would shut down, I wouldn’t share my emotions, and I wouldn’t communicate well overall.

The reason I share this is not to create a “poor me” mentality, but to share with you that I get it. Communication can be hard. Communication takes work. Communication is necessary. My desire today is to share some lessons Elise and I have learned about communication in hopes of giving you some resources and an opportunity to learn sooner than we did in certain areas.

I will also say this: learning healthy communication isn’t just for those with significant others. While this post is written to that group of individuals, these truths and pieces of advice can be applied to all relationships.

Make sure to spend time together.

Let me explain this because I think a large portion of us would say a resounding “we do” to this statement. And while you may spend quantitative time, is it quality time? Were there screens involved? Did you communicate? Was there intimacy (not just sex but true, holistic intimacy)? Was the conversation meaningful? Did each person feel seen, heard, and loved? When we can answer those questions in the affirmative, then we are truly spending intentional time with our significant other.

Listen well.

Listening is a skill and an art. It takes time, intentionality, and practice to listen well. Listen not to solve problems, but to understand and know the other person. When you listen in that way, it makes the time purposeful and not simply about finishing the conversation or righting the issue.

When there is conflict, be willing to engage with it.

Please hear me on this: I’m not advocating for seeking out conflict. Please do not run and try to find issues or problems to turn into a bigger issue. Instead, we all know that in every relationship there will be some type of conflict. Some minor and some major. How you deal with that conflict is paramount to helping your relationship heal and thrive.

Don’t run from the conflict, don’t dismiss it, and don’t attack the other person. Instead remember who the conflict is with: your best friend. Remember what the goal is: it isn’t winning, it’s thriving together as one. When you put things in perspective, conflict doesn’t have to be bad but instead can be handled well where each party communicates, is seen and heard, and resolution begins.

Be mindful of your tone.

Our communication can often be changed by our tone and approach to it. If we come to the conversation with an agenda or a specific attitude, that will be communicated toward our significant other. We also need to be aware of how and why we are saying the things we are communicating. Sarcasm, critical or accusatory words, or even manipulative comments can be extremely detrimental to the relationship. When you’re mindful of your tone, you are going to truly be able to communicate and care well for one another.

Share authentically.

For some reason couples don’t always share how they are feeling. Whether they don’t feel they can, are trying to avoid conflict, or don’t know how, we must be able to be authentic in how we communicate. We need to share feelings, both good and bad. We need to take off the masks and be honest with each other. We need to be vulnerable and receive vulnerability well from one another. When you share authentically and value your spouse when they do, you are creating a safe and healthy space for your relationship to flourish and grow.

Quick Tip: Having Personal Boundaries

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Have you ever been interrupted on your day off with something from work? Do you answer phone calls at all times or do you keep boundaries? Do you struggle to figure out what takes priority when you aren’t in-office: family or work concerns?

Please don’t hear me as being critical because I’m not. I get it. For many years I didn’t have healthy work-life boundaries. I tried to convince myself that I did but it took a mental health leave of absence to realize that I didn’t. I used to check emails and respond to them on vacation. I was always checking social media. If texts came through, I’d respond.

It was all-consuming even when I had convinced myself it wasn’t. And for those who serve in ministry, we will often struggle with finding a healthy balance. We know our calling and we care for our people, but that cannot be our only focus nor should it be. Today, I want to share a few quick ways to have healthy boundaries.

Remember the order of your priorities.

You are called first to focus on your relationship with God and your holistic health, then to focus on your family, and then focus on your ministry. When these priorities are out of order you will find yourself out of sorts as well. And when these are left in an out-of-order scope and sequence, you will find yourself fully depending on you, not on God, and your boundaries being stretched further and further.

Utilize “do not disturb” and turn off notifications on your devices.

Removing the interruption of electronics is one of the best things you can implement to help incorporate healthy boundaries. This doesn’t mean you’ll never respond, but it does remove the tension, anxiety, and pressure that comes with always being connected. When you utilize these features, you can be fully present in the moment and with those who matter most.

Take work apps off your phone.

This may be easier said than done for some because it may be a requirement. Technically a job cannot force you to have apps on your phone unless they are paying for said phone, but enough about technicalities. My point here is this: if the apps are keeping you focused on work and pulling you away from intentional moments with those closest to you or keeping you from truly resting and taking a sabbath, that is a problem. Instead, take them off of your phone or at the very least turn off the notifications. And yes, that goes for your work email too.

Screen calls and texts.

No matter what, there will be times you get calls and texts, even on your day off. But not every call or text necessitates an instantaneous response. Instead use wisdom and discernment to diagnose which calls or texts warrant a response, and decide how quick those responses should be.

Talk about and make your boundaries clear.

This is something I wish pastors and ministry leaders did more often. We must regularly and openly talk about our boundaries. If we are calling people into a holistic life-changing relationship with Jesus, we should be modeling that not just in action but also in our speech. We need to talk about how we are creating margin and looking to refresh and take sabbath because that shows our people how important it is. This then gives them permission to do the same. It also helps our people to understand that while we love and care for them, we cannot be all things to all people; only Jesus can be that. What you are doing is highlighting personal, relational, and spiritual boundaries that allow you to create rhythms and margin to be the holistic pastor and shepherd you need to be.

Quick Tip: Admitting When You Mess Up

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Alright, I’ll admit it. This last week I made a huge goof. Earlier in the summer we let all of our leaders know when our fall training would be and many of them were excited because we had reserved an amazing offsite venue. It is perfect and it meets all of our needs.

But here’s the problem: I gave my team of volunteers the wrong date. I actually told them it was a week later than when we had reserved the location. When I realized my mistake (which was way too late) I hastily fired off a text saying I sent the wrong date and here’s the correct one. But I did so with less than a week’s notice. This ended up frustrating many of our volunteers, it meant multiple leaders couldn’t attend because they specifically reserved the previous date on their calendars, and it caused a lot of tension and questions.

Long story short, we ended up working with the venue and we were able to keep our original training dates but not without me causing a lot of unnecessary tension and frustration. I messed up, and I know that in the big scheme of things it wasn’t that big of an issue, but I still messed up and it caused people to have frustration and tension. So I knew I had to apologize. I had made a mistake, multiple ones in fact, and I needed to own that.

And you know what happened? My leaders understood. They laughed about it. They poked fun at me in loving ways. They showed up to training. They still love our ministry and students. They are still serving.

Here’s the thing though: when it comes to mistakes, we as leaders need to live out what Jesus commands us to do and that is to seek forgiveness when we mess up. Yes, even we as leaders mess up, we aren’t immune to that. When we mess up we must take ownership and lead out of humility and a willingness to admit our wrongs. A good leader is one who will admit when they mess up and seeks to right the wrong.

Now please hear me in this: I am speaking in broad terms. We must always lead from a posture of humility and seek forgiveness when we mess up. But there are also times when we need to submit to authority over us because of our wrong and regardless of what we have done, face the consequences.

We are still broken people who are trying to lead as God has called us, but we aren’t immune from making mistakes, both small and large. Look to model Christ’s approach to leadership and you will find that when it comes to admitting wrong and seeking forgiveness, while it may not be easy, you’ll be more comfortable and willing to do so.

All that to say, the greatest two words you can ever utilize in ministry are, “I’m sorry.” Don’t be afraid or unwilling to use them.

5 Relationships Every Youth Worker Needs

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This week I was doing some reflecting and thinking about this question: what relationships do I have now that I wish younger Nick had, or had stepped into sooner? As I have been serving in ministry and getting to know myself better, I’ve realized that there are relationships I would have greatly benefited from if I had sought them out sooner.

Today, I want to share these relationships with you, and also to indicate that these relationships are not the only ones you need. They are simply some that I know would have benefited me sooner and hopefully will be a benefit to you as well.

1. A best friend.

I’m someone who typically has many acquaintances but only later in my adult life did I find the value of having closer friends and best friends. These are individuals that I can go to with anything and know they will hear me, challenge me, correct me, and be for me. These relationships are ones where I can grab a beer and have a casual conversation or sit down for hours to have deep and meaningful discussions. Having these relationships in your life will help you to truly be yourself and to feel loved, valued, and needed.

2. A mentor.

Having a good mentor in your life is a relationship that will hopefully ensure growth, development, and maturity. Ideally this person has more lived experience, and ministry experience, that they can utilize in your relationship. When someone is watching out for you and speaking truth into your life and ministry, it is an amazing opportunity for you to learn and flourish. These are individuals who are for you but also willing to offer correction and guidance as needed. If I had more of this when I first started out in ministry I would have had a lot less missteps and instead had more opportunities to grow and minister well.

3. A counselor.

Everyone should have a counselor regardless of how “okay” we may think we are. Having someone who is safe, trained, and licensed, who you can go to and be honest and raw with, is a necessity. It allows you to release well, process different relationships, emotions, and circumstances, and also provides you with the help you need whether you’re aware of it or not in the moment. These are the people that help you through the difficult moments, who allow you to process, and give you constructive and necessary paths to run on.

4. A peer.

This is a little different than a best friend or mentor, though they can at times be one and the same. But what I’m suggesting is finding a fellow youth worker(s) who you can share life with, talk shop with, and bounce ideas off of. This a great opportunity to share resources and insights, and it also allows for you to have someone in your life who understands what you’re walking through. It’s a friendly voice of a compatriot who is in your corner.

5. A chiropractor.

This one may make you chuckle, but please hear me out. As a young person I didn’t think I needed this relationship, but during 2020 and working at home, my back said otherwise. Getting to know our amazing chiropractor during that time was fantastic and so beneficial. But what I came to realize is that being proactive rather than reactive with your health is hugely important.

Instead of coming back from a retreat and popping a couple of Advils and pressing on, having your chiropractor truly take care of your back, neck, and hips is a necessary relationship. I see my chiropractor once a month and then at least twice a month when trips happen. These visits truly help my body to prepare and repair after busy seasons, trips, stressful work weeks, and just the everyday moments.

What relationship would you tell your younger self is a necessity?

Responding to Hurt

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A cutting word. A passive aggressive email. A critique on your teaching. A dig by a supervisor. An angry parent’s accusations.

Hurt happens. There’s no escaping that reality. Whether you work in a ministry or elsewhere, volunteer in some capacity, or simply are around other people, hurt will occur. We are flawed people and in our brokenness we will both experience hurt and hurt others. This probably isn’t the post you were hoping to read, especially if you were looking for an uplifting and encouraging “rah rah” type of post.

But can we simply pause for a moment and understand that this is something we all need to be attentive to because we all experience hurt? This may not be the post you wanted but I would assert this is one we all need. We need to be honest and recognize the realities we face and even if we aren’t in that situation presently, we must be prepared for when it occurs. If we fail to plan accordingly, those difficult moments will steamroll us and we will be in even more dire straits.

So let me ask you a question: how do you respond to hurt? Are your responses healthy and beneficial, or are they unhelpful and potentially problematic? Today, I’d like to share some tips on how to effectively engage in healthy ways that will help you grow, interact, and process those moments well.

Allow yourself to feel the hurt.

This point may have you scratching your head, but stick with me for a moment. It’s easy to push hurt down, to pretend it doesn’t affect us, or to try to compartmentalize things. How many times have you uttered something like, “I’m fine” or “It’s not a big deal”? How many times have you tried to convince yourself that the hurt doesn’t matter?

Doing this isn’t healthy or beneficial. It allows hurt to stick around and grow into resentment. It leads to a critical worldview and perception of the church and other people. It hurts our mental health. It can cause us to be withdrawn and disengaged. Instead, allowing ourselves to feel the hurt helps us to actually engage with the issue, process our emotions, and recognize the complexities and realities of our careers and lives.

Process by yourself and with others.

Taking time process, evaluate, and respond to hurt is important for each of us. Each of us processes in our own ways, but we need to identify if those ways are healthy for us or not. Healthy processing doesn’t mean dismissing the pain or hurt, nor does it mean allowing the pain to be all that we feel. Healthy processing allows us to identify the hurt, feel the hurt, and navigate toward healing and reconciliation.

But it’s often in moments of hurt that our processing can be clouded, especially if we feel wronged or targeted. That’s where processing with trusted individuals is a necessity. I would challenge you to go to people who will empathize with you but also ones who will speak truth. It’s easy to want to only go to people who will affirm our perspectives and tell us we are right. The important thing is to go to people who will love you and challenge you, especially if you’re in the wrong. Those are the people we desperately need because they will help us address things appropriately and give guidance that is necessary.

Seek closure.

Closure can mean different things depending on the situation. It may mean seeking out reconciliation even when the other person may not embrace it. Closure may mean letting the passive aggressive comment go. It may mean having a direct conversation with the other individual and potentially bringing in a mediator. Closure may mean forgiving someone in spite of their unwillingness to extend an apology.

Closure looks different for each of us and depends on the circumstance. But if we allow for the wounds and hurt to remain open and festering, we are opening ourselves up to more pain and hurt in the long run. Whatever the closure is for each scenario, we must be intentional in seeking it out.

Speak truth.

This is something that individually we must do but we also need to hear this from others. Words cut deep. Sometimes more than actions. If we believe those words that aren’t true, we are believing a lie. Instead of allowing them to cut to our core, speak truth and affirm what is true. But when you aren’t able, and there will be times you cannot, allow others to be that voice for you. Go to trusted people, let them encourage you, and allow them to be the rock you need.

Pray.

Prayer is always something we know we must do, but is a rhythm that can become passive in how we engage it. Prayer is a powerful resource and one we should actively be engaging in. Taking time to pray and ask God for wisdom is essential. We should ask God for a sensitivity in understanding why things happened and the other person’s perspective.

Praying for conviction (for all parties, including ourselves), for direction, for empathy and sympathy, for perspective, and for an appropriate response is key. Going before a God who understands with a humble heart that’s willing to grow and be challenged will allow us to better engage in these difficult moments.

Celebrating Your Ministry Milestones

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This past Saturday was Elise’s birthday! We took time to go to one of our new favorite restaurants, eat yummy cupcakes from our favorite neighborhood bakery, Elise opened gifts, and we got to watch our beloved Hawkeyes win the Women’s Big 10 Tournament. Elise is truly amazing and I am so blessed to share life with her.

This weekend I was thinking about how much Elise has done and been through while serving in ministry. She’s been serving in ministry roles for 20 years, she’s held paid and volunteer positions in churches, she’s walked with countless students, she’s been a mom to so many, and she has given of her time, talents, and heart to bless students and churches. There’s so much to say about her and how amazing and wonderful she is, and there’s no one else I would want to walk through ministry and this life with. She’s my better half, my best friend, she’s walked through the highs and lows with me, and she is my favorite person in the world.

As I was reflecting on this past weekend and celebrating Elise, it gave me pause to ask this question: how are we celebrating milestones in our lives and ministries? Do you remember the good moments? Do you celebrate the good times and the moments you see God work? We often celebrate things in our personal lives, but what about our ministries?

How you celebrate these milestones is up to you, and they will look different from person to person, and they may adapt and change as you progress in your ministry. What is important is celebrating these moments and remembering God’s faithfulness and the high points in your ministry career. But what moments should we look to celebrate?

The first time you speak or preach.

This was a big deal for me on multiple levels. I remember the first time I preached at my first church. It wasn’t polished and my skill set wasn’t where it needed to be. But that church took a risk on me and brought me in to be their pastor. And I remember coming to our current church and our senior pastor saying that my first Sunday on staff I’d be preaching. He was another person who took a risk on me and continues to share his pulpit. These are moments I won’t soon forget and they were moments that helped to define who I am and helped to shape how I lead.

When students follow Jesus.

I’ll be honest: this is one of my favorite moments. When you witness students follow Jesus, especially ones who you have been praying for, it is life changing! Or when the student with questions finally gets the answers they were looking for, those are moments you shouldn’t forget. Pause and take time to write down those moments in a journal or find other ways to chronicle those special times.

Baptisms.

Similar to students following Jesus, I love these moments! We are coming up on our baptism service this semester for our church and we have 18 students getting baptized. Hearing students’ stories, having walked with them, and watching them unabashedly declare that they are following Jesus are awesome moments and ones worthy of celebration. Some of my absolute favorite moments have been baptizing students, and most recently we have baptized students in our special needs ministry and those have been super special. Each baptism I get to be a part of is filled with stories and relationships, and these moments are rich with special meaning.

Work anniversaries.

Pause and consider the reality that people rotate ministry positions fairly frequently. In fact, youth and children’s ministries are still looked at as “stepping stones” to other roles. That means that positions in ministry are ever changing, and being able to stick it out and be present longer than the statistics say is a great thing to celebrate. Celebrate work anniversaries. Celebrate how long you’ve been in your current position. Celebrate the changes you have seen happen. Celebrate what God has brought you through and the ways you have grown in your own development.

Ministry milestones.

This coming school year will be 20 years in ministry. That’s so crazy to think about, and even crazier to consider is that I am now one of the “old guys” in student ministry. Not sure when that one happened! But what an awesome privilege to be serving the church and students for so long. I get to look back and see what God has done, where students are, the growth and maturity in my life, and what God has brought me through.

I have had many transitions in my time in ministry and I have seen God do some pretty amazing things in and through Elise and I as we have served the church together. Looking back we can definitely see God’s hand at work in our lives and ministry and we can pause and reflect on God’s goodness and sustainment throughout our time in ministry.

Special moments.

I love watching my students grow up and now, having been in ministry almost two decades, I have had the privilege of officiating the weddings of former students. I have witnessed students go into full time ministry. Graduates are now serving in our ministry. These are awesome moments in my career and have been so special to be a part of. These are things I won’t soon forget and moments I treasure because they are the ones that truly warm my heart.

Tough moments.

You probably just did a double take when you read that, but hear me out on this. It is often when we come through difficult moments that we see the work God was doing. It’s after we make it through that we see what we have learned, we understand our growth, and we see how God was faithful. So take time to celebrate God’s sustainment and how He’s seen you through. Tough moments aren’t always fun but they help to shape and refine us, so remember and celebrate what God had done in and through you.

What milestones do you celebrate in your career?