Category: Help + How-To

The Importance of Leader Check-ins

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We can all agree that leaders are the backbone to student ministries. Without them, our programs wouldn’t function how they do, we wouldn’t see spiritual and numerical growth in our ministries, and we wouldn’t be able to truly engage in the discipleship process.

It’s easy for us to recognize the necessity of leaders in our ministries, but how often are we engaging with and checking in on our leaders. They serve so consistently and selflessly, they constantly give of themselves, and put aside personal issues to invest in and care for their students. They are amazing people who have their own lives, families, and struggles. So how can we check in and love our leaders well?

Send a text or make a call.

This is a really easy way to check in and see how a leader is doing. It may be sparked by a conversation you had with a leader or noticing they were out of sorts at youth group or in response to a post on social media. This could even just be something you put into a normal rhythm of following up periodically with your people. These seemingly simple texts or calls show intentionality and care as you engage with your people.

Meet up for a meal.

I’ll be honest: this is one of my favorite things to do because food or coffee naturally help us lower our barriers and open up conversation. Plus it’s a way for me to bless my leaders by picking up the tab. It also communicates that this check-in is more than just a quick in and out but is something that matters and that shows as you spend time with them.

Ask meaningful questions.

When you’re in these intentional moments, make sure to ask thoughtful and intentional questions. You aren’t trying to grill them but instead are seeking to truly see how they are doing. Ask about work, family life, their faith journey, what’s been going well and not so well. Be willing to ask hard questions in love when needed. Don’t shy away from them but lean in with intentional love and discipleship as you care for your people.

Be willing to speak truth, show love, and engage in difficult moments.

I will be honest and say this is something I struggle with. I am a people-pleaser at heart and I always want people to walk away feeling good and happy. But when there are tough conversations to be had, it is difficult for me to always engage with them. What I have come to realize though is that by not having those conversations I am actually hindering that person in multiple ways.

Instead, we should be looking to speak truth and to step into hard moments. If you have noticed a leader seems to be struggling, ask about it but do it with love and grace. If you need to encourage a leader to take a break, lean into the relationship, show you care, and love them well. Stepping into the messiness of life shows your leader that you are willing to see them as a person who has to engage with this messed up life we are all trying to live, instead of as just a warm body at youth group.

Listen well.

Listening well is something that for many of us takes practice. But when we are seeking to care for our leaders, we shouldn’t just be looking to fix problems or listen to make sure they are “okay.” Instead you should listen with a desire to truly hear, understand, and be present with your leaders. Listen to know what is happening in their lives. Listen to understand. Listen with empathy and sympathy. The more you seek to listen well, the more your people will be seen, heard, appreciated, and valued.

Write them a note.

I am not good at this one. I don’t like writing because my hand cramps, I have horrible handwriting, and it takes a long time. But none of those are valid reasons to not do it because they are me-focused when these opportunities are meant to focus on others.

Personal notes are an amazing way to let people know you see them and care. Think about the last time someone dropped you a personalized note or the last intentional birthday card you got. Sitting down to write a note, to show your leaders you see them, and to let them know they matter is a huge way to show care. Be intentional in what you say. Encourage them. Send them a birthday card. Let them know they’re appreciated. These types of notes will be ones they save and hold onto because they encouraged them.

Celebrate, empathize, and participate with them.

This is a great way to show your leaders that you care. Celebrate the good moments with them: birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, kids graduating, a new job, a student following Jesus, or whatever the milestone may be. But also make sure to feel along with them in the good and bad moments.

There have been many times where leaders have cried as they bared their soul in my office. There have been moments where a leader breaks down and shares about their child’s struggle with mental health or their marriage isn’t working. These are hard moments, ones that will tear at your heart. But these are the moments when we can truly care well for our leaders.

We can celebrate with them, but we should also empathize with them. Allow them to see that you care, show them that they aren’t alone, and walk with them through life. The more we participate and share life with our leaders, the more we can care for them and be intentional at checking in.

Send them an encouraging and meaningful gift.

I know there’s a tension with gift-giving depending on your budget size or lack there of. But hear me out on this: an encouraging and meaningful gift doesn’t have to be expensive. It could be as simple as dropping off their favorite candy bar with a note. It could be a $5 gift card to a local coffee shop. Maybe it’s showing up with homemade cookies and sitting to talk while enjoying them. Or perhaps it’s making them something and sending it to them. These types of gifts show thoughtfulness and intentionality, while communicating how much you love and care for your people.

What was one way someone intentionally checked in on you? How has that shaped how you care for your people?

5 Relationships Every Youth Worker Needs

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This week I was doing some reflecting and thinking about this question: what relationships do I have now that I wish younger Nick had, or had stepped into sooner? As I have been serving in ministry and getting to know myself better, I’ve realized that there are relationships I would have greatly benefited from if I had sought them out sooner.

Today, I want to share these relationships with you, and also to indicate that these relationships are not the only ones you need. They are simply some that I know would have benefited me sooner and hopefully will be a benefit to you as well.

1. A best friend.

I’m someone who typically has many acquaintances but only later in my adult life did I find the value of having closer friends and best friends. These are individuals that I can go to with anything and know they will hear me, challenge me, correct me, and be for me. These relationships are ones where I can grab a beer and have a casual conversation or sit down for hours to have deep and meaningful discussions. Having these relationships in your life will help you to truly be yourself and to feel loved, valued, and needed.

2. A mentor.

Having a good mentor in your life is a relationship that will hopefully ensure growth, development, and maturity. Ideally this person has more lived experience, and ministry experience, that they can utilize in your relationship. When someone is watching out for you and speaking truth into your life and ministry, it is an amazing opportunity for you to learn and flourish. These are individuals who are for you but also willing to offer correction and guidance as needed. If I had more of this when I first started out in ministry I would have had a lot less missteps and instead had more opportunities to grow and minister well.

3. A counselor.

Everyone should have a counselor regardless of how “okay” we may think we are. Having someone who is safe, trained, and licensed, who you can go to and be honest and raw with, is a necessity. It allows you to release well, process different relationships, emotions, and circumstances, and also provides you with the help you need whether you’re aware of it or not in the moment. These are the people that help you through the difficult moments, who allow you to process, and give you constructive and necessary paths to run on.

4. A peer.

This is a little different than a best friend or mentor, though they can at times be one and the same. But what I’m suggesting is finding a fellow youth worker(s) who you can share life with, talk shop with, and bounce ideas off of. This a great opportunity to share resources and insights, and it also allows for you to have someone in your life who understands what you’re walking through. It’s a friendly voice of a compatriot who is in your corner.

5. A chiropractor.

This one may make you chuckle, but please hear me out. As a young person I didn’t think I needed this relationship, but during 2020 and working at home, my back said otherwise. Getting to know our amazing chiropractor during that time was fantastic and so beneficial. But what I came to realize is that being proactive rather than reactive with your health is hugely important.

Instead of coming back from a retreat and popping a couple of Advils and pressing on, having your chiropractor truly take care of your back, neck, and hips is a necessary relationship. I see my chiropractor once a month and then at least twice a month when trips happen. These visits truly help my body to prepare and repair after busy seasons, trips, stressful work weeks, and just the everyday moments.

What relationship would you tell your younger self is a necessity?

How to Walk with Students Who Are Grieving

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The loss of a family member. A relationship that crumbled. Mom and dad getting divorced. Making a big mistake.

Students grieve for a variety of reasons like we all do. But there’s something that pulls at our innermost being when we watch a student navigate pain and sorrow. We empathize and sympathize with them, feel their pain and grieve alongside of them. We want to fight for them, to right all the wrongs, and to wrap our beloved students in bubble wrap to protect them from all the harm and pain of this world.

While those emotions and responses of empathy and sympathy are valid and necessary, we must also think practically about how we can love, care for, and walk with our students as they navigate pain.

Involve trusted leaders.

This is something that I have found to be incredibly necessary and helpful in caring for students. Often I don’t get to be involved in our small groups due to how our ministry is structured and organized, so our small group leaders are the ones who consistently walk through life with our students. To bring them into what is happening and equip them to love, care, and engage with their students allows for multiple levels of care for our students and highlights inter-generational, discipleship-oriented relationships.

Reach out to them personally.

When appropriate, reaching out personally to students who are hurting is incredibly important because it shows them that they are seen and that you care. This can be through a text, a phone call, a visit, or taking them out to talk. This looks different depending on the circumstance and what is happening, but making that personal connection is key.

Connect with parents/guardians when warranted.

This is something that may get missed depending on the circumstance the student is going through. Of course we all know that there are specific moments when we have to include parents, but do we think about connecting with parents when students are mourning a broken relationship, a failed class, or when a student messes up?

I know the tension that can exist in the sense of not breaking a student’s confidence, but if the situation is affecting the student in profound ways then appropriately involving parents is warranted and needed. So consider bringing in parents so they can understand, love, and walk with their students. Make sure you highlight some suggestions on how to do so as you provide insight and understanding for them.

Bless them with a note and/or a gift.

When possible and appropriate, sending flowers, a note, a gift card, or groceries can be wonderful ways of helping students feel seen, understood, and cared for. These tangible metrics help students know that they matter and that you care. While I wouldn’t suggest this as the only option of care, when coupled with personal connection and relationships these opportunities will truly help our students move through the difficult moments they are facing.

Take them out.

This is something I do and encourage my leaders to do when appropriate. Meeting up for a cup of coffee, at a diner, or a local donut shop to simply sit and listen does so much for a student because you’re showing them that an adult loves and cares for them. By providing a safe place and a snack or meal, it removes pressures and expectations and allows for students to lower their walls and be honest about their hurt and grief. It’s often in moments like this when students share honestly and authentically which provides us with an opportunity to love and care well for them.

Sit and listen.

This is a huge part of what we should be doing throughout any of the above points. Sitting and listening is key to understanding what students are feeling and going through, and showing them that they are valued and heard. It also allows you to understand the situation and how best to respond. When we listen well and engage in those moments we are showing the student that they matter and we are validating who they are and what they are feeling. Don’t listen just to “fix the circumstance,” listen to understand, empathize, sympathize, and walk with your students.

Be available.

Hurt, pain, and grief don’t happen on a schedule or when it’s convenient. They happen sporadically and spontaneously as life happens. That means often times these moments will not occur when it is not beneficial or timely for us, but we must be prepared and willing to be available.

I’ve had countless moments when tragedy has hit a student or their family, and I need to able to be present and available in as much as I am able. Sometimes that means showing up at their home when they’ve lost a family member, making a phone call when driving to an appointment, or texting a prayer and Scripture to them. Regardless of what availability looks like in the moment, being able to respond and engage well is key.

Refer out when necessary.

This is something I wish I had been taught in school and earlier in ministry. Here’s the thing: most pastors and ministry leaders are not counselors, psychologists, or experts in every field. That means we should not try to act like we are nor should we try to give answers and advice that we aren’t equipped to give.

Instead, we need to build a network of trusted and skilled people in various roles who can help love, care for, and support our students. That means being able to refer to trusted counselors, medical personnel, case workers, police, and crisis intervention specialists. This isn’t saying you aren’t good at your job or doing all you can, but to truly do well at ministering to students we need to provide them with the best overall support which means utilizing the best people we can to help do just that.

Creative Ideas: Easter Engagement for Students

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Happy Easter Monday! We hope you had a wonderful Easter and that you were able to celebrate our Savior, His death, burial, and resurrection.

Easter has always held a special place in my life and in my faith journey. I remember sunrise services growing up and then leading them at the first church at which I was employed. The Easter brunches and dinners with family and friends were always a celebration. Hunting for Easter eggs at my godparents’ house and then reading the Easter story together while we scarfed down as many jelly beans as humanly possible. (Trust me, I could put away a couple of bags!)

But do you know what I didn’t have a lot of? In youth group I barely remember talking about Easter, let alone engaging with it. For some reason the holidays that the church celebrated weren’t really engage with at a student level. As Elise and I have grown in our ministry careers, we have taken opportunities to help our students engage with these important moments in our faith. And we’re also sought to engage in creative avenues to help students understand them at a deeper level.

Today our hope is to provide some creative ways to help your students engage with Easter (next year of course), and to give you ideas to begin considering as you build out your calendar for the next school year.

Incorporate students for a reading of the Easter story.

Bringing in a variety of voices–especially students’ voices–when reading the Easter story allows for the story to be heard in new and vibrant ways. It brings in different aspects that perhaps may not have been noticed before, and it also allows students to hear the story in voices that are similar to their own. When we allow ourselves to be transported into the story we have a deeper appreciation and new perspective from which we are able to better hear and understand God’s Word.

Allow students to creatively retell the story.

Give your student groups an opportunity to retell the story creatively and allow them the freedom (within reason) to retell it in their own unique ways. Allowing students to immerse themselves in the story and to take ownership of it will help them to have a deeper understanding and appreciation of the Easter story.

Provide a Bible study for your small groups.

Our Home Group for April immediately follows Easter and provides a unique opportunity for our small groups to dig deep into Scripture. Providing a variety of passages from the Gospels that journey through the Easter narrative gives students a unique perspective and helps to highlight the beauty of the Easter story from different vantage points. Typically when we do something like this we write out the material for our groups rather than using a pre-made study. This allows us to shape the questions and applications to specifically relate to our groups.

Engage in character studies.

In the Easter story there are many different individuals with whom you can engage. You could assign a character or group (the religious leaders, a disciple, one of the women at the cross, the women at the tomb, the centurion, Pilate, etc.) to each student or to a small group. Have them think critically about the character, their interactions, their emotions and responses, and about their relationship with Jesus. Stepping into the story in this unique way helps us to grow our connection with Jesus as we understand the relationships that He had with various individuals.

Provide artistic opportunities.

I am not very artistic (I still struggle to color in the lines), but many of my students and leaders are. Providing them with an opportunity to draw, write, or illustrate in various ways the Easter story will allow for them to have a unique engagement with it that will provide a deeper understanding. They could engage in this way with a reading of the story, watching a video of the Easter story, or even through a song.

Responding to Hurt

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A cutting word. A passive aggressive email. A critique on your teaching. A dig by a supervisor. An angry parent’s accusations.

Hurt happens. There’s no escaping that reality. Whether you work in a ministry or elsewhere, volunteer in some capacity, or simply are around other people, hurt will occur. We are flawed people and in our brokenness we will both experience hurt and hurt others. This probably isn’t the post you were hoping to read, especially if you were looking for an uplifting and encouraging “rah rah” type of post.

But can we simply pause for a moment and understand that this is something we all need to be attentive to because we all experience hurt? This may not be the post you wanted but I would assert this is one we all need. We need to be honest and recognize the realities we face and even if we aren’t in that situation presently, we must be prepared for when it occurs. If we fail to plan accordingly, those difficult moments will steamroll us and we will be in even more dire straits.

So let me ask you a question: how do you respond to hurt? Are your responses healthy and beneficial, or are they unhelpful and potentially problematic? Today, I’d like to share some tips on how to effectively engage in healthy ways that will help you grow, interact, and process those moments well.

Allow yourself to feel the hurt.

This point may have you scratching your head, but stick with me for a moment. It’s easy to push hurt down, to pretend it doesn’t affect us, or to try to compartmentalize things. How many times have you uttered something like, “I’m fine” or “It’s not a big deal”? How many times have you tried to convince yourself that the hurt doesn’t matter?

Doing this isn’t healthy or beneficial. It allows hurt to stick around and grow into resentment. It leads to a critical worldview and perception of the church and other people. It hurts our mental health. It can cause us to be withdrawn and disengaged. Instead, allowing ourselves to feel the hurt helps us to actually engage with the issue, process our emotions, and recognize the complexities and realities of our careers and lives.

Process by yourself and with others.

Taking time process, evaluate, and respond to hurt is important for each of us. Each of us processes in our own ways, but we need to identify if those ways are healthy for us or not. Healthy processing doesn’t mean dismissing the pain or hurt, nor does it mean allowing the pain to be all that we feel. Healthy processing allows us to identify the hurt, feel the hurt, and navigate toward healing and reconciliation.

But it’s often in moments of hurt that our processing can be clouded, especially if we feel wronged or targeted. That’s where processing with trusted individuals is a necessity. I would challenge you to go to people who will empathize with you but also ones who will speak truth. It’s easy to want to only go to people who will affirm our perspectives and tell us we are right. The important thing is to go to people who will love you and challenge you, especially if you’re in the wrong. Those are the people we desperately need because they will help us address things appropriately and give guidance that is necessary.

Seek closure.

Closure can mean different things depending on the situation. It may mean seeking out reconciliation even when the other person may not embrace it. Closure may mean letting the passive aggressive comment go. It may mean having a direct conversation with the other individual and potentially bringing in a mediator. Closure may mean forgiving someone in spite of their unwillingness to extend an apology.

Closure looks different for each of us and depends on the circumstance. But if we allow for the wounds and hurt to remain open and festering, we are opening ourselves up to more pain and hurt in the long run. Whatever the closure is for each scenario, we must be intentional in seeking it out.

Speak truth.

This is something that individually we must do but we also need to hear this from others. Words cut deep. Sometimes more than actions. If we believe those words that aren’t true, we are believing a lie. Instead of allowing them to cut to our core, speak truth and affirm what is true. But when you aren’t able, and there will be times you cannot, allow others to be that voice for you. Go to trusted people, let them encourage you, and allow them to be the rock you need.

Pray.

Prayer is always something we know we must do, but is a rhythm that can become passive in how we engage it. Prayer is a powerful resource and one we should actively be engaging in. Taking time to pray and ask God for wisdom is essential. We should ask God for a sensitivity in understanding why things happened and the other person’s perspective.

Praying for conviction (for all parties, including ourselves), for direction, for empathy and sympathy, for perspective, and for an appropriate response is key. Going before a God who understands with a humble heart that’s willing to grow and be challenged will allow us to better engage in these difficult moments.

5 Healthy Ways to Engage with Conflict

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Have you ever found yourself in the midst of an unavoidable conflict? Have you felt the tensions rise, the frustrations grow, and your spirit become overwhelmed?

Perhaps you have had conflict with your supervisors. Maybe you and a certain elder(s) don’t see eye to eye. It could be a volunteer that disagrees with the direction of your program. Maybe there’s tension between you and a couple of parents.

Even suggesting these scenarios may have triggered various emotions, thoughts, and tensions. I get it. I’ve been there. I’ve had all of these scenarios and more play out during my time in ministry, and honestly in all of my career journeys. The truth of the matter is conflict is unavoidable. It exists and it will always find ways to manifest in our lives as a result of the fall.

We have to understand that because we are broken people living in a fallen world, conflict will always find a way into our lives. The question though is not how do we avoid conflict, it’s how do we engage it well? If conflict is going to be a reality we must deal with, what are some steps and applications we can utilize to walk through it in a healthy way?

1. Actively seek to grow and mature.

Before the conflict begins, during the conflict, and after it is over, you should be looking to grow and mature. This isn’t in just one area but in all aspects. We should focus on relational, spiritual, educational, and mental maturity and seeking to grow as followers of Christ.

2. See the best in others and their intentions.

This can be difficult at times and we immediately want to say, “But you don’t know them or the context!” Yes, there are individuals and circumstances that are problematic and can have intentions that are anything but healthy and Christ-like. But that shouldn’t keep us from attempting to see the best in the people, organizations, and circumstances.

3. Engage with spiritual rhythms.

I was recently challenged to fast while preparing for an upcoming meeting that could have far reaching implications for our church. While I engaged with this rhythm, I began to see the way I prayed and focused on God changed and grew. My heart and mind truly shifted their focus and I began to have a greater sense of where God was guiding the upcoming conversation and direction for our church.

If we approach upcoming conversations that may have the potential to be difficult with our hearts and minds being centered on Christ, we will better be prepared for those moments and will be better suited to respond from a Christ-centered heart.

4. Cover the conflict in prayer.

I think when it comes to conflicts, we engage with prayer in specific ways. We pray going into it because we’re anxious and frustrated. We may pray during it because tensions are high. And periodically we may pray after the conflict is done because we’re thankful it’s over or frustrated it didn’t go our way. But prayer isn’t meant to be an afterthought or something we only do in the moments of tension or angst. It is something we should be doing constantly.

This means that prior to any conflict even starting, we should be praying for a Christ-like attitude and heart so we can approach those moments as He would. We need to be praying for the people involved and for God to work in everyone’s life. We should not be praying for our preferred outcome, but for God to do what needs to be done. When we engage in conflict from a Christ-centered mindset we are reshaping how we see ourselves, others, and the tension at hand. In essence, we are engaging in spiritual growth as we walk through these moments by allowing God to work in and through us as we approach Him through prayer.

5. Reflect on your own heart and motivations.

This is perhaps one of the hardest things to do in these situations. It is often in moments of conflict that we want to run with our emotions and desires. It’s when we want to prove we are right. It is when we desire to validate what we have been feeling and fight for our position. I get it, I really do.

Of course we want to hold to our convictions and validate our position. But have you ever stopped to ask why? Why is it so important to be right? Have you paused to consider what would happen if you didn’t have to win? What if you just listened and sought to understand? By taking the time to reflect on your own motivations and where your heart is, it allows you to take a spiritual checkup of your life and to assess your reasons for how you progress and it guides the steps you need to take.

Bonus tip: Go to trusted advisors and mentors for insight.

Often times it is easy to go to friends and peers who empathize with you and will tell you you’re in the right and support you no matter what. But in order to engage in a healthy way, it is beneficial to have someone you trust who will speak truth to you because they will lovingly tell you if you have messed up. This is a must to engage conflict from a healthy perspective because we may not always see our missteps due to our own blind spots.

How to Host Intentional Events

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Yesterday Elise and I watched the Super Bowl from the comfort of our own home as we relaxed, ate snacks, and enjoyed the commercials and Taylor Swift commentary. That wasn’t always the case though. We were reflecting this past week about how at our prior church we hosted a massive “Big Game” party.

We provided wings, pizza, and snacks. We brought in a mobile laser tag company. We had inflatables going all night long. There was a dodge ball tournament and few rooms down we had Just Dance going. We had the Big Game going in a room filled with couches and comfy seating. We also incorporated a lesson at halftime for our students. And that was just during the game.

Prior to we had all the organization and set up. We were attempting to pre-screen all the commercials. We were ordering all the food and connecting with the companies who were bringing in our event items. And we were organizing prizes for our annual game day quiz.

But do you know what this party actually lacked? Intentionality. The only real purpose this party had was just that: to be a party. Students would invite their friends and attend, but there was very little spiritual reward for the amount of effort, time, and work that went into it. We rarely saw new students return, students weren’t focused on the lesson, leaders were frustrated by how intense and long the event was, and no one really got to watch the game.

In many ways, it was discouraging in the moment and now reflecting back it has challenged us to be more intentional in how we plan, organize, and run events. So how do you actually host intentional parties or events?

Align with your mission and vision.

This is a big part to any event or gathering that you host. I’m ashamed to admit that it took me a long time to get to this point but once I understood it, it radically altered my approach and methodology to ministry. Aligning your mission and vision with what you do helps your ministry to drive home what you’re seeking to replicate and cultivate.

Our vision is this: to be an encouraging community of disciples who are sent to build the kingdom of God. That means we will say yes to events that help us build out our vision of disciple-making. On the flip side it means we will say no to other things. That doesn’t mean we don’t like them or that they don’t serve a purpose. We are simply saying we are seeking to align with our mission and vision and that is what drives us. This point will help you focus on what you are doing by giving you purpose and direction, and it will also shape the identity of your ministry.

Have a stated purpose and goal.

This goes hand-in-hand with the previous point. While you may have the understanding that the event you’re hosting aligns with your vision, does everyone else? Do your leaders know? What about the students and their families? I’m not saying you need to write out a thesis statement for each thing you do, but by providing a purpose and goal you’re helping to bring clarity, understanding, and direction to your ministry.

It could be something as simple as putting a line in your newsletter explaining the event and what your hope is for it. It could be announcing it to your students and leaders at youth group. Or it could be something you share at a training for your leaders. Outlining the goal and purpose will provide understanding and clarity for your group.

Generate buy-in.

This is really important when it comes to hosting events. If you and your leaders aren’t excited and talking about your event why would you expect your students to be excited? Your excitement and attitude is key to generating buy-in, but you can also do this by empowering your students to be the voice for your ministry.

If students are excited and participating in the event, let them be the vocal supporters and challenge them to invite their friends. Also, look to create unique elements to your events that are outside of the normal everyday programming that you host. Whether it’s a competition, prizes, different snacks, or something else, look to bring in different elements that will excite and engage your students and their peers.

Incorporate students.

Just as we said with the previous point, students are essential to the success of intentional events. Having their buy-in is huge, but so is utilizing their gifts and having them help facilitate the event. Students are amazing leaders and if you give them the opportunity they will seize it and do great things. Bring them in, hear their ideas, incorporate their suggestions, allow them to thrive and fail, and see what God will do in and through them.

Utilize the church body.

Crafting spaces for inter-generational relationship opportunities and community to occur will help your intentional events thrive. We have an amazing older couple who faithfully serve in our cafe each week and at any event that has food. They embody the love of Jesus as they smile and engage with students, even going so far as stopping what they are doing to sit and listen to a student who is having a bad week.

These type of volunteers and others in your church can show students the love of Jesus and help foster a true inter-generational church atmosphere. This will do wonders to help your church grow and mature. It may take time and effort on your part to create these moments and challenge the church to step up, but keep beating that drum and pray for God to awaken the church toward this vital mission.

Create space for connection and community.

Whatever your event, creating opportunities for community and connections is key. There will always be students who desire quieter spaces and opportunities to engage in conversations. So having places for those opportunities will help to create a successful event. It can just be some couches or tables and chairs that have games, coloring books, or activities, but that are situated in a way that encourages conversations. These spaces will help everyone feel valued and seen and provide a place for people to be refreshed and encouraged.

What are the priorities you seek to embody at your events?

8 Keys to Building a Successful Student Ministry

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This is probably not going to be the post that you are thinking. This isn’t a post about achieving notoriety, building a massive youth ministry program, and becoming an international speaker who is generating revenue off of their student ministry book sales.

None of that is inherently wrong nor should we look with disdain at those who are currently doing those things. But that isn’t the way to measure if your ministry is successful or not. If that is the standard by which we are measuring success, then the vast majority of us are failing in our roles.

So how do we measure the success of our ministries? Success isn’t measurable by the size of your budget or how many students attend or by your personal speaking engagements. Success is measured by whether your students know Jesus and if they are pursuing Him; that is the definition of a flourishing program.

I am not saying that if you put all the steps in this post into action your ministry will change overnight. In fact, I’d probably argue that it’ll take a good chunk of time for a ministry to change. But I can tell you that if you follow these steps, if you put in the heavy lifting, and if you focus on where God has planted you, you will begin to see change. Over time, you will look back and see where God has brought you from and be able to get excited about where He is leading you.

1. Listen well and listen to learn.

So often we can jump into a ministry (especially one we are just starting in) and look to make a ton of changes right away. Nothing is wrong with change, but when you don’t take the time to listen and learn, you may actually make changes that could be more harmful than good. This philosophy applies holistically to our ministries.

I’m not arguing for inaction or to crawl along hoping change will come, but instead I would challenge you to listen well and listen to learn. Be intentional and relational. Listen to your people. Get to know their hearts. Ask good, thoughtful questions and seek to understand. The better you listen the better your ministry will be because you are not valuing just the ministry, you’re valuing the people who make the ministry.

2. Be yourself.

One thing I see all too often is youth workers trying to emulate a popular figure in their circles or a noted pastor. This doesn’t work. In a world where students are bombarded with inauthenticity every day in every circumstance, they are craving truth and authenticity. They want the real you! They want to know you and see who you are. The more that you are yourself, the more students will begin to trust and relate to you. God has uniquely designed and crafted you to reach your students so be who you are created to be.

3. Love boldly.

Students are looking for people who will love them for who they are and will continue to love them even when they mess up. The more that you can love your students and in doing so, show them the love of Jesus, the stronger your ministry will become. Love well, love boldly, and love your students like Jesus loves them and you will begin to see change.

4. Focus on discipleship and spiritual formation.

This is a part of youth ministry that took me a long time to understand and implement. I’m ashamed to admit that I was more focused on the fun element and didn’t really dig into discipleship and spiritual formation. But over the last ten years, I have seen that the methodology of Jesus (small group discipleship) works and students flourish with it.

It isn’t just doing small groups though; it’s about sharing life and showing our students how to engage in their relationship with Jesus in all parts of their lives. It’s helping them grow as Christ-followers and develop healthy spiritual rhythms that help them to become more mature disciples.

5. Don’t see limitations, see your potential and opportunities.

So often it is easy to think in terms of what we don’t have or wish we did have. While we can recognize that some groups may have things we do not, simply thinking in those terms aren’t helpful. If we only think about our limitations we will never see what we can be and what God can do. We will be stifled and hindered if we approach ministry by what we don’t have. But if we see what God has given us it allows us to focus our energies and craft a workable vision. Be willing to see what you do have and the potential opportunities you have to grow and pour into your community.

6. Build networks.

This is key because it helps you to grow and generate new ideas, but it also provides potential for your students to have cross-pollination and to see the other students who follow Jesus in their community. Building networks will give you access to not just new ideas but also may allow you to move past your limitations and share resources and ideas. Networks are a great way to build resources, community, and fellowship for you and your students.

7. Admit mistakes and be willing to try and fail.

Two things I wish I’d learned early in my career were how to admit when I messed up and at the same time, be willing to take risks and try new things even if it meant I would fail. Sometimes we only keep the status quo because it’s safe and feels comfortable, but if we are challenging ourselves to try new things and take risks we could see great rewards come about. But we will still fail, and one way you can lead out in this is showing your students it’s okay to fail and owning it when you do. Showing your students how leaders respond to mistakes is huge and will help them to see that they can trust you because you’re authentic and real.

8. Keep learning and growing.

The best thing you can do for your ministry is to keep learning and growing as a youth leader. The more you grow and mature as a leader, the more your ministry will grow and mature along with you. By being a leader who highlights growth and maturity, you are highlighting someone that students will want to follow. You will also grow and learn new things you can implement and utilize to bless and care for your students as you strive to better yourself.

The Importance of Community

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Elise and I recently had a conversation that went something like this:
“I got invited to another church’s women’s group.”
“Oh wow. Do you want to join it?”
“I don’t think so, but I do feel like I’m missing out on community.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ever since I stopped going to the women’s group due to my job, I don’t feel like I’ve been getting to know people and build relationships at our church.”

If I’m being completely honest, I’m missing the community piece as well. Elise was the catalyst that helped me to see how we have pulled inward the past couple of years. It isn’t that we don’t like or value community, we just became comfortable and content coming home and being with one another. But we understand and believe that life isn’t meant to be done alone or in isolation, it just took us some time to fully get to this place.

For us, there are a lot of reasons we didn’t jump into a group after joining our current church. We had been hurt by past groups and were walking through the trauma that came with it. We have been in poorly-run groups that have broken trust and private conversations. It’s difficult being a church leader in a group that expects you to always have that hat on. Forced accountability left a sour taste in our mouths. And aggressive group leaders and predetermined/pre-established group dynamics left us feeling isolated and deflated.

Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever engaged in community that felt broken, forced, or inauthentic? Have you ever been hurt or burned by a group before? Do you feel like you always have to be “on” and can never truly be yourself in a group?

If so, this post is for you, and for us. We know that this can be difficult, scary, and vulnerable but we also know that we were created for this and it is something Jesus desired for all of His followers. I mean, His group of disciples highlight the uniqueness of bringing together very different individuals but also how those groups don’t need to splinter and die, but instead can thrive and grow. Today, we want to offer you some parameters and guidance for how to engage in community and in groups in a healthy way for everyone involved.

Set parameters and expectations.

This would be something I’d encourage the group as a whole to work through together. Some base things to talk about would be thinking through what the group will be about, the commitments of each person, who will be doing what, and creating a safe space for all involved. The additional parameters will be unique to each group and can be tweaked as needed.

Commit to the group being a safe place.

As mentioned in the previous point, a safe place in community is highly important. Many of us have been hurt by being involved in unsafe groups, so creating a place where everyone can know that what they share is going to be honored, respected, and not shared is key.

If you’re a church staff member you know the complexities this may involve, but having a group that lovingly cares for and supports one another should allow for every person to be authentic and honest with no fear of that being gossiped about. However, I would caution that it is key to not allow any one person or persons to just openly complain or speak poorly of someone else. Part of being a safe place involves the group holding one another accountable and lovingly challenging each other.

Agree that everyone is a contributor and every voice matters.

Some of us have probably experienced groups where we know that not everyone’s voice carries the same weight or respect. In those moments, it is easy for the people with the “lesser” voice to feel isolated, disconnected, and uncared for. And if we are being honest, it’s not just that they feel that way, it is also the truth. That means that if you are creating a space of authentic community, you must agree that everyone has a voice, that everyone contributes, and that no one voice is greater than the other.

If possible, choose your group.

I am not saying pull together only people who think and believe how you do. Nor should this be a place where you just gather people who all have the same bent or frustrations so you can complain and gossip. What we are arguing for is finding people that will help one another grow in being more like Jesus, people who love one another, and people who will lovingly challenge you and speak truth.

Be flexible and willing to adapt.

This is a big thing that a lot of groups and communities aren’t willing to do. They hold to what they have always done because it works or they are trying to make it work. Don’t believe me? Ask yourself this question: when was the last time you made a big change in your youth group? Or maybe ask this question: what has kept you from making the necessary and needed changes? I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but instead trying help all of see that we are creatures of habit and comfort. We typically don’t change or adapt unless we absolutely have to.

I want to encourage you to be willing to bend a little and to change when needed. If your community group has to change nights, change them. If your group is evolving and new people are coming in, take time to walk your whole group through the basics again. If you need to rethink how your group is functioning and what is best for the group, do it. Don’t wait until things are broken, be proactive and engage where you need to.

Make sure to have clear channels of communication.

This is a big one. I mean think about this for a moment: what was your open rate for the last group email you sent to any group? I know that the majority of my volunteers don’t open my emails until the day-of, or maybe not at all. The same is true for all of us. We are inundated with emails and some people may not look at them or open them.

What you should do for your community is find out which method(s) of communication is the best. That may mean more than one, which is okay, but be willing to ask that question to ensure everyone is on the same page and getting all the communication. Also, should a new person join, make sure to include them even if that means starting a new texting group. Don’t just send them a separate communique, because that will feel alienating and unhealthy.

Establish a point person and facilitator.

The point person is just the one who handles communications, logistics, and communicating with church leadership (if and when that’s required). Their job is just to make sure everyone is on the same page and knows what is happening and when.

The facilitator can look different for each group. It could be the teacher or the leader or the discussion starter, or it could simply be the point person to leadership. They don’t have to be one and the same, but they can be. It is important to establish both of these roles so there is clarity and not too many hands in the pie. That way you will know who is communicating to leadership and who is teaching.

The teaching role can vary, and in some ways it should, between members of the group to give everyone equal opportunity and value. The point person can change but that isn’t something I’d recommend to do frequently as it could get frustrating for church leadership. Should that person change, make sure leadership is aware and knows why.

Tips and Tricks: Staying Healthy on Trips

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We just got back yesterday from our winter retreat and it was amazing! God worked in amazing ways and we are so excited for the commitments that were made and to continue walking with our students in the coming months and years. But do you know what inevitably happens to some of our leaders, and even us sometimes? We get sick!

But over the course of going on trips every year for the better part of almost twenty years, we have learned a few tips and tricks to help us stay healthy. These aren’t foolproof and you may still get sick here and there, but these tips have helped us stay above the curve and relatively healthy throughout the years.

Get some sleep.

You probably laughed at this one, maybe you even laughed out loud. Trust me I get it: leaders don’t sleep a ton on trips, especially if you’re the primary leader. But what I am saying is to make sure you get good rest leading up to the trip. Make sure you’re listening to your body and not running it down.

While you’re on the trip, be intentional with trying to get as much sleep as you can and consider taking a sleep aid if needed. When you get home from your trip get some rest and relaxation in. Take a day off and allow your body to recoup whether by sleeping in, taking a midday nap, getting a massage, or just pausing. Sleep and rest is key to staying healthy.

Boost your vitamin intake.

Before going on your trip make sure to increase the vitamins that help your body stay healthy. Take vitamin c, start to take Emergen-C or Airborne, and take allergy meds if you’re going somewhere further away from home. Boosting your vitamin intake will help your body adjust and prepare for the coming trip and help to keep you healthy while away and when you return.

Stay hydrated.

This is huge! Make sure you are taking in plenty of water and electrolytes to help your body stay hydrated and healthy. Hydration helps your body not only to function well but will also help you sleep better and feel better overall. When you don’t drink the right amount of water you’ll get headaches and short tempered, so staying hydrated isn’t just good for you from a health standard but it also helps you be a better leader as you care for your team.

Use hand sanitizer and wash hands often.

This should be a no-brainer but sometimes it’s easy to pop a snack or some type of food without thinking about if you’ve washed your hands. Doing this can lead to all types of germs and illnesses so it is imperative to make sure you’re washing your hands or at least sanitizing before and after meals, after touching door handles, and after touching high-use objects like games and even things in your bunk house.

Take cough drops and cold medicine to camp.

I find that at camps I tend to lose my voice if I don’t hydrate and have throat drops on hand. But even more than having those items, cough drops and cold medicine are a must. If you begin to feel under the weather, treating your symptoms sooner than later will hopefully help you avoid any long term ailments and hopefully feel better sooner.

Make sure to eat and keep up your energy.

I will admit that I’m not always the best at taking care of myself, especially when I’m trying to care for others. That means there have been times I’ve sacrificed eating to care for students or to have conversations with different people. But in order for us to take care of ourselves we need to make sure we are consuming food that will not only give us energy but food that is good for us. Eating healthy food may not always be possible at camp, but seeking to not just ingest sugars and carbs will be beneficial. Look for proteins and healthier options like vegetables and fruits if possible.

Have disposable masks to give out to people who get sick.

We had a student catch the flu this year at camp and we had masks just in case something like that happens. It hopefully will keep the potential spread to a minimum, and they also serve to help anyone who may be immunocompromised to keep themselves safe from the sick individual.

Try to not touch door handles or commonly used areas.

I know, I know…how is that possible? We have to use doors. But door handles have tons of germs on them so using winter gloves, a napkin, a shirt sleeve or allowing someone else to open the door for you will help you eliminate some of the opportunities for germs to affect you.

Don’t share drinks or food.

This is huge at camps and retreats. So often we may share a bottle of water, eat someone’s leftover food, share a bag of candy or chips, or take a bite of someone’s soft pretzel. But doing that opens yourself up to so many opportunities to get sick. We don’t always see symptoms nor do students share if they’re feeling unwell all the time. That means we are highly susceptible to getting some type of germs or illness.

At the end of the day we can only do so much to keep ourselves healthy. You may still get sick and your body may still be rundown after the trip. There’s no catchall to keep you completely free of sickness but following these steps will hopefully help you to stay healthy.