Author: Nick Mance

Why Have Mission Trip Training?

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I remember going on my first mission trip in high school. I was a junior and we went to Mexico to serve in one of the cities there. I knew some of the group I went with and had a little bit of an idea of what we would be doing. I knew we would be performing some dramas portrayed to music because we were separated into groups and told to find time to practice and prepare.

We were given a music video and told to try and replicate that for our trip. We got together and practiced, and we ended up being pretty good (minus my lack of musical skill and being able to keep time). We had a couple of team meetings where we’d talk about knowing some Spanish and were given a brief overview of what to expect. Other than that we were told to have our passports ready and were given a tiny packing list. I had no idea what we were walking into, I didn’t really know what to expect or what we’d be doing, and I wasn’t prepared for the culture shock.

In other churches where I’ve served, mission training and prep work were not in-depth nor did they actually prepare us for what we would do. It was very basic and broad, and probably not overly helpful for our teams. Now, I have completely tried to shift how this is done with our students in order to better prepare them, help them grow and mature, and to set them up for success on the trip. I am not saying that what we do for our training is perfect or a one-size-fits-all approach, but I do believe what we offer is helpful and beneficial for everyone who goes on the trip. Below are the aspects we incorporate to make training important, necessary, meaningful, and developmental.

Team building.

Thoughtful and practical team building is a must for your group because it helps them prepare for the changes that will happen and the flexibility that is of vital importance on a mission trip. This can look different depending on your team and can include different games (Minefield, 4 Person Skis, Relay Races, Obstacle Courses, etc.) with thoughtful engagement and questions after it’s done. It could involve practicing building things or using different tools, it may involve different assessments, or it could even be assigning the group a task and removing aspects that we take for granted (i.e. speaking, seeing, lighting, directions, etc.).

In order for these to be successful you must make sure to debrief, engage, and help students process. Students will get frustrated by these exercises, but helping them to understand why they did and how these moments will develop in trips is key because then they can begin to thoughtfully engage better on the trip.

Self-awareness training.

This often goes hand-in-hand with team building because effective team building should have thoughtful reflections and questions afterward to help your team think deeper about how they engage with one another. But that shouldn’t be the only self-awareness training you do. Consider bringing in a spiritual gifts assessment, a small personality assessment like DISC, having students do an assessment like Strength Finders, or even having students think through what will be difficult for them on the trip. Create space for them to share those things in a smaller group and think creatively about how to respond.

Relationship training.

Now hold on for a moment because I know how some of you read that. I am not thinking about couples or “purpling.” What I am talking about is helping our teams understand how to have authentic, interpersonal relationships with one another in the midst of a mission trip.

Prayerfully, you are taking a group of students and leaders who are all very different people. That means their stressors will be different, how they respond to certain tasks or leaders will differ, and how they engage when overtired, stressed, hungry, or frustrated may cause them to butt heads with other members of your group. Training your team on how to understand those moments will come, how to work to prevent them, how to respond during them, and how to love one another well before, during, and after them is of vital importance.

Understanding where you are going.

Currently, we have been taking teams of high school students to rural Kentucky in the Appalachian Mountains. It’s an amazing community that we have the privilege of helping recover from devastating flooding that occurred in 2022. While we are only 8-9 hours away from there, it is a completely different setting. Culturally it’s different, their vocabulary is different, how they do things is different, and even what they eat is different (remind me to share what soup beans are sometime).

In order to help your team prepare, it may good for you to do a site trip or a vision trip so you can bring back firsthand knowledge to share with them. Regardless of whether you can go to the site first or not, you should work to help your team to understand the setting and culture you are entering into. Set expectations, help them know what to say and not say, talk about what they will see and hear, walk through how to engage with the community, and help them prepare their hearts.

Providing updates.

Mission trip training sessions allow you to provide your team with all the updates they need. Whether it’s updates on the trips, updates on support raising, or updates on packing lists, training allows you to communicate what needs to be shared and help your team be as prepared as possible. Updates help your team to know what they need to know in order to be successful and capable in their service to others.

Engage in thoughtful conversations.

One of the parts our training includes is thinking differently about poverty, how we see people, and how we can help. We want our students to not judge people or fall prey to the typical societal responses toward those individuals who are living in poverty. In order to accomplish this well we incorporate videos from Helping Without Hurting from Life.Church. There are six videos in total and crafting questions for before and after the video will help your team think critically about how and why they are serving.

Mission trip training is vitally important to helping your team gel together, serve well, and be equipped for what they will be doing. Trip training doesn’t guarantee success but it does provide your team with the resources and training that they need in order to thrive on their trip as they seek to serve others.

Ways to Honor & Celebrate Your Seniors

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It’s May, and that means graduation season is coming soon! We have already started to receive graduation party invites, schools are sending out notices about commencement, and students are finishing exams and going on trips. Soon-to-be graduates are preparing for the next step in their journey as young adults.

For us this is always a bittersweet season. We see our students graduate and we are so incredibly proud of them, but it also tugs at the heartstrings as we prepare to say goodbye to them being in our ministries. This year is especially bittersweet for Elise and I as this graduating class is the class that started in our middle school program the year we started at our church.

We have watched these students grow in their faith, ask deep and meaningful questions, wrestle with practical application of what they believe, and navigate all the other complexities that come with middle school and high school. Couple that with our ever-evolving culture, figuring out a new normal post-pandemic, and the complexities of social media, and all of a sudden we realize just how much our students have walked through, overcome, and achieved.

This is an incredibly special moment for seniors and their families, so we as the church should take charge of moments like these to honor, recognize, and celebrate our people. Seniors have many people celebrating them whether it’s at graduation parties, school events, social settings, or cards in the mail. But when was the last time the church celebrated them in a meaningful way?

Many churches will bring graduates on stage and pray for them, but shouldn’t we be looking to up the ante? Can’t we do something more? This has become a passion of mine over my last decade in student ministry, and today I want to share some tips on how you can meaningfully celebrate your graduates and honor all that they have accomplished.

Create an intentional brochure.

Over the past few years we have revamped our senior brochure that we hand out to our congregation. It used to just be a picture of each graduate, what high school they graduated from, and where they were going to college. But in wanting to be intentional in how we honor our seniors, we took it a step further.

We asked them to share their favorite memories, what God has been teaching them, their intended major or focus, and how the church can pray for them. These questions helped to personalize the brochure and give our church ways to engage with students at a deeper, more personal and spiritual level.

Host a reception.

After our commissioning we have a reception with refreshments, gifts, encouragement for graduates and families, a photo booth, and a time for families to encourage and pray over their graduates. A reception doesn’t have to be over the top to be intentional. By simply providing a space and opportunity to celebrate and honor students, you are highlighting the importance of what they have accomplished as you care well for them.

We incorporate balloons, fun graduation plates and cups, refreshments, a table centerpiece, a photo booth, and a presentation. While this may sound like a lot, but many of these elements were made by our team or acquired over the years. It’s all about being creative and thoughtful and building upon each year.

Write them a letter.

In the last few years we have started writing a letter to our graduates that our student ministry team and senior pastor sign. These letters are intentionally thought out and highlight the ways our church is for our students and will continue to be for them. These letters can be from you personally, your student ministry, or even church leadership, and they are an opportunity for you to encourage your students and show them that the church is for them.

Provide a meaningful gift.

This was never something I experienced in high school, and it wasn’t until I had my first full time job in student ministry that I saw seniors receive a gift. I’ll admit, at that time we simply gave them a book, but that stirred in me a desire to be intentional with what we give our students.

A meaningful gift doesn’t have to be expensive or over the top; it does need to be thought out and purposeful though. Today, we give our students a gift bag filled with candy, glow sticks, a confetti popper, a book, a card from church staff, a letter from church leadership, and a few other small items. We want our students to know we thought about them when we put the gift together and that it is both meaningful and practical.

Share photos.

Whenever you honor your students, try to share photos of them to highlight them. These can be photos from when they were in youth group, family photos, their graduation photos, prom photos, or photos from trips and retreats. You could include throwback photos for a “trip down memory lane,” which some of your students may cringe at but all will chuckle at how much they have grown. However you choose to do this, make sure that you have all your students in the photos if at all possible.

Honor them at youth group.

Another way to honor and celebrate your seniors is to acknowledge them in front of your youth group. This could be sharing memories and stories about the students, it could be praying for them, giving them a gift, or having a cake for them to celebrate. Whatever it looks like at your youth group, make sure to celebrate and pray for them as they prepare for the next step in their faith journey.

Commission them.

Over the past five years, our family ministry team has been intentionally attempting to make our time celebrating our seniors more than just a celebration and more of a commissioning. We are sending our students out into the next part of their faith journey and as such we should commission them in the same way we commission and send out missionaries.

Take time to highlight where your students are going, what they are pursuing, and how the church can pray for them. If possible, I would encourage you to bring up family members, small group leaders, and church leaders to pray over your students. This helps to confirm to your students that you and the church will be for them as they head out.

Pray for them.

Praying for your graduates is one of the best things you can do. If you’re honoring them in front of the church, consider having your senior pastor, an elder, or multiple leaders pray over them as your church participates with them. Another way to pray for your students is asking them what their prayer requests are and sharing those requests with the church. This will allow for multiple people to pray for your students in intentional and personal ways.

The Importance of Leader Check-ins

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We can all agree that leaders are the backbone to student ministries. Without them, our programs wouldn’t function how they do, we wouldn’t see spiritual and numerical growth in our ministries, and we wouldn’t be able to truly engage in the discipleship process.

It’s easy for us to recognize the necessity of leaders in our ministries, but how often are we engaging with and checking in on our leaders. They serve so consistently and selflessly, they constantly give of themselves, and put aside personal issues to invest in and care for their students. They are amazing people who have their own lives, families, and struggles. So how can we check in and love our leaders well?

Send a text or make a call.

This is a really easy way to check in and see how a leader is doing. It may be sparked by a conversation you had with a leader or noticing they were out of sorts at youth group or in response to a post on social media. This could even just be something you put into a normal rhythm of following up periodically with your people. These seemingly simple texts or calls show intentionality and care as you engage with your people.

Meet up for a meal.

I’ll be honest: this is one of my favorite things to do because food or coffee naturally help us lower our barriers and open up conversation. Plus it’s a way for me to bless my leaders by picking up the tab. It also communicates that this check-in is more than just a quick in and out but is something that matters and that shows as you spend time with them.

Ask meaningful questions.

When you’re in these intentional moments, make sure to ask thoughtful and intentional questions. You aren’t trying to grill them but instead are seeking to truly see how they are doing. Ask about work, family life, their faith journey, what’s been going well and not so well. Be willing to ask hard questions in love when needed. Don’t shy away from them but lean in with intentional love and discipleship as you care for your people.

Be willing to speak truth, show love, and engage in difficult moments.

I will be honest and say this is something I struggle with. I am a people-pleaser at heart and I always want people to walk away feeling good and happy. But when there are tough conversations to be had, it is difficult for me to always engage with them. What I have come to realize though is that by not having those conversations I am actually hindering that person in multiple ways.

Instead, we should be looking to speak truth and to step into hard moments. If you have noticed a leader seems to be struggling, ask about it but do it with love and grace. If you need to encourage a leader to take a break, lean into the relationship, show you care, and love them well. Stepping into the messiness of life shows your leader that you are willing to see them as a person who has to engage with this messed up life we are all trying to live, instead of as just a warm body at youth group.

Listen well.

Listening well is something that for many of us takes practice. But when we are seeking to care for our leaders, we shouldn’t just be looking to fix problems or listen to make sure they are “okay.” Instead you should listen with a desire to truly hear, understand, and be present with your leaders. Listen to know what is happening in their lives. Listen to understand. Listen with empathy and sympathy. The more you seek to listen well, the more your people will be seen, heard, appreciated, and valued.

Write them a note.

I am not good at this one. I don’t like writing because my hand cramps, I have horrible handwriting, and it takes a long time. But none of those are valid reasons to not do it because they are me-focused when these opportunities are meant to focus on others.

Personal notes are an amazing way to let people know you see them and care. Think about the last time someone dropped you a personalized note or the last intentional birthday card you got. Sitting down to write a note, to show your leaders you see them, and to let them know they matter is a huge way to show care. Be intentional in what you say. Encourage them. Send them a birthday card. Let them know they’re appreciated. These types of notes will be ones they save and hold onto because they encouraged them.

Celebrate, empathize, and participate with them.

This is a great way to show your leaders that you care. Celebrate the good moments with them: birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, kids graduating, a new job, a student following Jesus, or whatever the milestone may be. But also make sure to feel along with them in the good and bad moments.

There have been many times where leaders have cried as they bared their soul in my office. There have been moments where a leader breaks down and shares about their child’s struggle with mental health or their marriage isn’t working. These are hard moments, ones that will tear at your heart. But these are the moments when we can truly care well for our leaders.

We can celebrate with them, but we should also empathize with them. Allow them to see that you care, show them that they aren’t alone, and walk with them through life. The more we participate and share life with our leaders, the more we can care for them and be intentional at checking in.

Send them an encouraging and meaningful gift.

I know there’s a tension with gift-giving depending on your budget size or lack there of. But hear me out on this: an encouraging and meaningful gift doesn’t have to be expensive. It could be as simple as dropping off their favorite candy bar with a note. It could be a $5 gift card to a local coffee shop. Maybe it’s showing up with homemade cookies and sitting to talk while enjoying them. Or perhaps it’s making them something and sending it to them. These types of gifts show thoughtfulness and intentionality, while communicating how much you love and care for your people.

What was one way someone intentionally checked in on you? How has that shaped how you care for your people?

5 Relationships Every Youth Worker Needs

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This week I was doing some reflecting and thinking about this question: what relationships do I have now that I wish younger Nick had, or had stepped into sooner? As I have been serving in ministry and getting to know myself better, I’ve realized that there are relationships I would have greatly benefited from if I had sought them out sooner.

Today, I want to share these relationships with you, and also to indicate that these relationships are not the only ones you need. They are simply some that I know would have benefited me sooner and hopefully will be a benefit to you as well.

1. A best friend.

I’m someone who typically has many acquaintances but only later in my adult life did I find the value of having closer friends and best friends. These are individuals that I can go to with anything and know they will hear me, challenge me, correct me, and be for me. These relationships are ones where I can grab a beer and have a casual conversation or sit down for hours to have deep and meaningful discussions. Having these relationships in your life will help you to truly be yourself and to feel loved, valued, and needed.

2. A mentor.

Having a good mentor in your life is a relationship that will hopefully ensure growth, development, and maturity. Ideally this person has more lived experience, and ministry experience, that they can utilize in your relationship. When someone is watching out for you and speaking truth into your life and ministry, it is an amazing opportunity for you to learn and flourish. These are individuals who are for you but also willing to offer correction and guidance as needed. If I had more of this when I first started out in ministry I would have had a lot less missteps and instead had more opportunities to grow and minister well.

3. A counselor.

Everyone should have a counselor regardless of how “okay” we may think we are. Having someone who is safe, trained, and licensed, who you can go to and be honest and raw with, is a necessity. It allows you to release well, process different relationships, emotions, and circumstances, and also provides you with the help you need whether you’re aware of it or not in the moment. These are the people that help you through the difficult moments, who allow you to process, and give you constructive and necessary paths to run on.

4. A peer.

This is a little different than a best friend or mentor, though they can at times be one and the same. But what I’m suggesting is finding a fellow youth worker(s) who you can share life with, talk shop with, and bounce ideas off of. This a great opportunity to share resources and insights, and it also allows for you to have someone in your life who understands what you’re walking through. It’s a friendly voice of a compatriot who is in your corner.

5. A chiropractor.

This one may make you chuckle, but please hear me out. As a young person I didn’t think I needed this relationship, but during 2020 and working at home, my back said otherwise. Getting to know our amazing chiropractor during that time was fantastic and so beneficial. But what I came to realize is that being proactive rather than reactive with your health is hugely important.

Instead of coming back from a retreat and popping a couple of Advils and pressing on, having your chiropractor truly take care of your back, neck, and hips is a necessary relationship. I see my chiropractor once a month and then at least twice a month when trips happen. These visits truly help my body to prepare and repair after busy seasons, trips, stressful work weeks, and just the everyday moments.

What relationship would you tell your younger self is a necessity?

Resource Review: The Pour Over

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Have you ever lived or worked in an area that seemed polarized in their viewpoints and the news they intake? Have you ever felt that you were surrounded by partisan viewpoints? Are echo chambers something you have begun to notice are a part of your life or the lives of those you minister to?

As someone who was once very partisan and also a news junky for many years, I found it easy to fall prey to one-sided dialogue and talking points. Over the past ten years I have noticed my views start to grow and shift as I began to engage deeper with Scripture and its practicality in our daily lives.

I was listening to a podcast a couple of years ago, and they shared about a podcast and newsletter called The Pour Over and how this podcast offered up a centrist view of the news with a focus on Christ. I am not going to lie, my first thought was excitement but I was also skeptical because I had yet to find an unbiased view of the news.

I turned on the podcast and was blown away by what I heard. The podcast and newsletter (which are one in the same; one is audio and the other print) tracked the bigger news stories of the past couple of days and summarized them while then offering a Christian perspective. The Christian perspective can involve Scripture, quotes from pastors or theologians (past and present), or even quotes from the Book of Common Prayer. Each of the summaries has links to the full story and the links come from a litany of verifiable news sites from across the political spectrum.

The newsletter and podcast are also short in that they have never exceeded ten minutes, and often fall under seven minutes in podcast length. That means you can easily listen to it on your way to work, at the gym, or even in the morning while making your coffee.

Another aspect of The Pour Over is they have an affinity for dry humor and quick whit. Whether you listen to or read the newsletter, you will find that there is a little bit of humor thrown in to make you chuckle. It is typically done in word play for a news story and it is not done to demean or diminish anyone or anything.

Each of the people who report for the newsletter on the podcast do so in steady (not monotonous) tone because they aren’t seeking to promote a specific viewpoint or utilize emotions to stir the pot. As they seek to provide a politically-neutral approach to the news, they have people report on it who are easy to listen to but not seeking to inflame a certain viewpoint or perspective.

Recently, within the last year, The Pour Over has launched another resource specifically for families with younger children called Decaf: The Pour Over for Families. This is a once-a-week newsletter that highlights a specific news story from the week and provides parents with insightful questions to ask their children called “Read, Reflect, Respond.” This is a great resource for families to engage with their children and thoughtfully talk through topics and circumstances with a Christian approach that may be difficult to interact with. But beyond just young families, these are questions that are helpful for anyone to engage with as they look to thoughtfully engage with a Christ-centered approach to the news of our day.

This resource has helped me in being able to pull myself away from being a news junkie and instead find a way to biblically engage in a politically-neutral approach to the news. I’ve been able to remove an echo chamber and instead begin approaching the news with a better, Christ-centered response. I have referred this podcast to parents, friends, students, and leaders because it truly helps us to have a Christ-focused view of our world and helps to shape our hearts, minds, and souls to be more attune to God’s response to this world. This is an amazing resource that I cannot recommend enough and I would challenge you to check out The Pour Over and see what you think.

How to Walk with Students Who Are Grieving

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The loss of a family member. A relationship that crumbled. Mom and dad getting divorced. Making a big mistake.

Students grieve for a variety of reasons like we all do. But there’s something that pulls at our innermost being when we watch a student navigate pain and sorrow. We empathize and sympathize with them, feel their pain and grieve alongside of them. We want to fight for them, to right all the wrongs, and to wrap our beloved students in bubble wrap to protect them from all the harm and pain of this world.

While those emotions and responses of empathy and sympathy are valid and necessary, we must also think practically about how we can love, care for, and walk with our students as they navigate pain.

Involve trusted leaders.

This is something that I have found to be incredibly necessary and helpful in caring for students. Often I don’t get to be involved in our small groups due to how our ministry is structured and organized, so our small group leaders are the ones who consistently walk through life with our students. To bring them into what is happening and equip them to love, care, and engage with their students allows for multiple levels of care for our students and highlights inter-generational, discipleship-oriented relationships.

Reach out to them personally.

When appropriate, reaching out personally to students who are hurting is incredibly important because it shows them that they are seen and that you care. This can be through a text, a phone call, a visit, or taking them out to talk. This looks different depending on the circumstance and what is happening, but making that personal connection is key.

Connect with parents/guardians when warranted.

This is something that may get missed depending on the circumstance the student is going through. Of course we all know that there are specific moments when we have to include parents, but do we think about connecting with parents when students are mourning a broken relationship, a failed class, or when a student messes up?

I know the tension that can exist in the sense of not breaking a student’s confidence, but if the situation is affecting the student in profound ways then appropriately involving parents is warranted and needed. So consider bringing in parents so they can understand, love, and walk with their students. Make sure you highlight some suggestions on how to do so as you provide insight and understanding for them.

Bless them with a note and/or a gift.

When possible and appropriate, sending flowers, a note, a gift card, or groceries can be wonderful ways of helping students feel seen, understood, and cared for. These tangible metrics help students know that they matter and that you care. While I wouldn’t suggest this as the only option of care, when coupled with personal connection and relationships these opportunities will truly help our students move through the difficult moments they are facing.

Take them out.

This is something I do and encourage my leaders to do when appropriate. Meeting up for a cup of coffee, at a diner, or a local donut shop to simply sit and listen does so much for a student because you’re showing them that an adult loves and cares for them. By providing a safe place and a snack or meal, it removes pressures and expectations and allows for students to lower their walls and be honest about their hurt and grief. It’s often in moments like this when students share honestly and authentically which provides us with an opportunity to love and care well for them.

Sit and listen.

This is a huge part of what we should be doing throughout any of the above points. Sitting and listening is key to understanding what students are feeling and going through, and showing them that they are valued and heard. It also allows you to understand the situation and how best to respond. When we listen well and engage in those moments we are showing the student that they matter and we are validating who they are and what they are feeling. Don’t listen just to “fix the circumstance,” listen to understand, empathize, sympathize, and walk with your students.

Be available.

Hurt, pain, and grief don’t happen on a schedule or when it’s convenient. They happen sporadically and spontaneously as life happens. That means often times these moments will not occur when it is not beneficial or timely for us, but we must be prepared and willing to be available.

I’ve had countless moments when tragedy has hit a student or their family, and I need to able to be present and available in as much as I am able. Sometimes that means showing up at their home when they’ve lost a family member, making a phone call when driving to an appointment, or texting a prayer and Scripture to them. Regardless of what availability looks like in the moment, being able to respond and engage well is key.

Refer out when necessary.

This is something I wish I had been taught in school and earlier in ministry. Here’s the thing: most pastors and ministry leaders are not counselors, psychologists, or experts in every field. That means we should not try to act like we are nor should we try to give answers and advice that we aren’t equipped to give.

Instead, we need to build a network of trusted and skilled people in various roles who can help love, care for, and support our students. That means being able to refer to trusted counselors, medical personnel, case workers, police, and crisis intervention specialists. This isn’t saying you aren’t good at your job or doing all you can, but to truly do well at ministering to students we need to provide them with the best overall support which means utilizing the best people we can to help do just that.

Creative Ideas: Easter Engagement for Students

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Happy Easter Monday! We hope you had a wonderful Easter and that you were able to celebrate our Savior, His death, burial, and resurrection.

Easter has always held a special place in my life and in my faith journey. I remember sunrise services growing up and then leading them at the first church at which I was employed. The Easter brunches and dinners with family and friends were always a celebration. Hunting for Easter eggs at my godparents’ house and then reading the Easter story together while we scarfed down as many jelly beans as humanly possible. (Trust me, I could put away a couple of bags!)

But do you know what I didn’t have a lot of? In youth group I barely remember talking about Easter, let alone engaging with it. For some reason the holidays that the church celebrated weren’t really engage with at a student level. As Elise and I have grown in our ministry careers, we have taken opportunities to help our students engage with these important moments in our faith. And we’re also sought to engage in creative avenues to help students understand them at a deeper level.

Today our hope is to provide some creative ways to help your students engage with Easter (next year of course), and to give you ideas to begin considering as you build out your calendar for the next school year.

Incorporate students for a reading of the Easter story.

Bringing in a variety of voices–especially students’ voices–when reading the Easter story allows for the story to be heard in new and vibrant ways. It brings in different aspects that perhaps may not have been noticed before, and it also allows students to hear the story in voices that are similar to their own. When we allow ourselves to be transported into the story we have a deeper appreciation and new perspective from which we are able to better hear and understand God’s Word.

Allow students to creatively retell the story.

Give your student groups an opportunity to retell the story creatively and allow them the freedom (within reason) to retell it in their own unique ways. Allowing students to immerse themselves in the story and to take ownership of it will help them to have a deeper understanding and appreciation of the Easter story.

Provide a Bible study for your small groups.

Our Home Group for April immediately follows Easter and provides a unique opportunity for our small groups to dig deep into Scripture. Providing a variety of passages from the Gospels that journey through the Easter narrative gives students a unique perspective and helps to highlight the beauty of the Easter story from different vantage points. Typically when we do something like this we write out the material for our groups rather than using a pre-made study. This allows us to shape the questions and applications to specifically relate to our groups.

Engage in character studies.

In the Easter story there are many different individuals with whom you can engage. You could assign a character or group (the religious leaders, a disciple, one of the women at the cross, the women at the tomb, the centurion, Pilate, etc.) to each student or to a small group. Have them think critically about the character, their interactions, their emotions and responses, and about their relationship with Jesus. Stepping into the story in this unique way helps us to grow our connection with Jesus as we understand the relationships that He had with various individuals.

Provide artistic opportunities.

I am not very artistic (I still struggle to color in the lines), but many of my students and leaders are. Providing them with an opportunity to draw, write, or illustrate in various ways the Easter story will allow for them to have a unique engagement with it that will provide a deeper understanding. They could engage in this way with a reading of the story, watching a video of the Easter story, or even through a song.

Responding to Hurt

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A cutting word. A passive aggressive email. A critique on your teaching. A dig by a supervisor. An angry parent’s accusations.

Hurt happens. There’s no escaping that reality. Whether you work in a ministry or elsewhere, volunteer in some capacity, or simply are around other people, hurt will occur. We are flawed people and in our brokenness we will both experience hurt and hurt others. This probably isn’t the post you were hoping to read, especially if you were looking for an uplifting and encouraging “rah rah” type of post.

But can we simply pause for a moment and understand that this is something we all need to be attentive to because we all experience hurt? This may not be the post you wanted but I would assert this is one we all need. We need to be honest and recognize the realities we face and even if we aren’t in that situation presently, we must be prepared for when it occurs. If we fail to plan accordingly, those difficult moments will steamroll us and we will be in even more dire straits.

So let me ask you a question: how do you respond to hurt? Are your responses healthy and beneficial, or are they unhelpful and potentially problematic? Today, I’d like to share some tips on how to effectively engage in healthy ways that will help you grow, interact, and process those moments well.

Allow yourself to feel the hurt.

This point may have you scratching your head, but stick with me for a moment. It’s easy to push hurt down, to pretend it doesn’t affect us, or to try to compartmentalize things. How many times have you uttered something like, “I’m fine” or “It’s not a big deal”? How many times have you tried to convince yourself that the hurt doesn’t matter?

Doing this isn’t healthy or beneficial. It allows hurt to stick around and grow into resentment. It leads to a critical worldview and perception of the church and other people. It hurts our mental health. It can cause us to be withdrawn and disengaged. Instead, allowing ourselves to feel the hurt helps us to actually engage with the issue, process our emotions, and recognize the complexities and realities of our careers and lives.

Process by yourself and with others.

Taking time process, evaluate, and respond to hurt is important for each of us. Each of us processes in our own ways, but we need to identify if those ways are healthy for us or not. Healthy processing doesn’t mean dismissing the pain or hurt, nor does it mean allowing the pain to be all that we feel. Healthy processing allows us to identify the hurt, feel the hurt, and navigate toward healing and reconciliation.

But it’s often in moments of hurt that our processing can be clouded, especially if we feel wronged or targeted. That’s where processing with trusted individuals is a necessity. I would challenge you to go to people who will empathize with you but also ones who will speak truth. It’s easy to want to only go to people who will affirm our perspectives and tell us we are right. The important thing is to go to people who will love you and challenge you, especially if you’re in the wrong. Those are the people we desperately need because they will help us address things appropriately and give guidance that is necessary.

Seek closure.

Closure can mean different things depending on the situation. It may mean seeking out reconciliation even when the other person may not embrace it. Closure may mean letting the passive aggressive comment go. It may mean having a direct conversation with the other individual and potentially bringing in a mediator. Closure may mean forgiving someone in spite of their unwillingness to extend an apology.

Closure looks different for each of us and depends on the circumstance. But if we allow for the wounds and hurt to remain open and festering, we are opening ourselves up to more pain and hurt in the long run. Whatever the closure is for each scenario, we must be intentional in seeking it out.

Speak truth.

This is something that individually we must do but we also need to hear this from others. Words cut deep. Sometimes more than actions. If we believe those words that aren’t true, we are believing a lie. Instead of allowing them to cut to our core, speak truth and affirm what is true. But when you aren’t able, and there will be times you cannot, allow others to be that voice for you. Go to trusted people, let them encourage you, and allow them to be the rock you need.

Pray.

Prayer is always something we know we must do, but is a rhythm that can become passive in how we engage it. Prayer is a powerful resource and one we should actively be engaging in. Taking time to pray and ask God for wisdom is essential. We should ask God for a sensitivity in understanding why things happened and the other person’s perspective.

Praying for conviction (for all parties, including ourselves), for direction, for empathy and sympathy, for perspective, and for an appropriate response is key. Going before a God who understands with a humble heart that’s willing to grow and be challenged will allow us to better engage in these difficult moments.

5 Healthy Ways to Engage with Conflict

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Have you ever found yourself in the midst of an unavoidable conflict? Have you felt the tensions rise, the frustrations grow, and your spirit become overwhelmed?

Perhaps you have had conflict with your supervisors. Maybe you and a certain elder(s) don’t see eye to eye. It could be a volunteer that disagrees with the direction of your program. Maybe there’s tension between you and a couple of parents.

Even suggesting these scenarios may have triggered various emotions, thoughts, and tensions. I get it. I’ve been there. I’ve had all of these scenarios and more play out during my time in ministry, and honestly in all of my career journeys. The truth of the matter is conflict is unavoidable. It exists and it will always find ways to manifest in our lives as a result of the fall.

We have to understand that because we are broken people living in a fallen world, conflict will always find a way into our lives. The question though is not how do we avoid conflict, it’s how do we engage it well? If conflict is going to be a reality we must deal with, what are some steps and applications we can utilize to walk through it in a healthy way?

1. Actively seek to grow and mature.

Before the conflict begins, during the conflict, and after it is over, you should be looking to grow and mature. This isn’t in just one area but in all aspects. We should focus on relational, spiritual, educational, and mental maturity and seeking to grow as followers of Christ.

2. See the best in others and their intentions.

This can be difficult at times and we immediately want to say, “But you don’t know them or the context!” Yes, there are individuals and circumstances that are problematic and can have intentions that are anything but healthy and Christ-like. But that shouldn’t keep us from attempting to see the best in the people, organizations, and circumstances.

3. Engage with spiritual rhythms.

I was recently challenged to fast while preparing for an upcoming meeting that could have far reaching implications for our church. While I engaged with this rhythm, I began to see the way I prayed and focused on God changed and grew. My heart and mind truly shifted their focus and I began to have a greater sense of where God was guiding the upcoming conversation and direction for our church.

If we approach upcoming conversations that may have the potential to be difficult with our hearts and minds being centered on Christ, we will better be prepared for those moments and will be better suited to respond from a Christ-centered heart.

4. Cover the conflict in prayer.

I think when it comes to conflicts, we engage with prayer in specific ways. We pray going into it because we’re anxious and frustrated. We may pray during it because tensions are high. And periodically we may pray after the conflict is done because we’re thankful it’s over or frustrated it didn’t go our way. But prayer isn’t meant to be an afterthought or something we only do in the moments of tension or angst. It is something we should be doing constantly.

This means that prior to any conflict even starting, we should be praying for a Christ-like attitude and heart so we can approach those moments as He would. We need to be praying for the people involved and for God to work in everyone’s life. We should not be praying for our preferred outcome, but for God to do what needs to be done. When we engage in conflict from a Christ-centered mindset we are reshaping how we see ourselves, others, and the tension at hand. In essence, we are engaging in spiritual growth as we walk through these moments by allowing God to work in and through us as we approach Him through prayer.

5. Reflect on your own heart and motivations.

This is perhaps one of the hardest things to do in these situations. It is often in moments of conflict that we want to run with our emotions and desires. It’s when we want to prove we are right. It is when we desire to validate what we have been feeling and fight for our position. I get it, I really do.

Of course we want to hold to our convictions and validate our position. But have you ever stopped to ask why? Why is it so important to be right? Have you paused to consider what would happen if you didn’t have to win? What if you just listened and sought to understand? By taking the time to reflect on your own motivations and where your heart is, it allows you to take a spiritual checkup of your life and to assess your reasons for how you progress and it guides the steps you need to take.

Bonus tip: Go to trusted advisors and mentors for insight.

Often times it is easy to go to friends and peers who empathize with you and will tell you you’re in the right and support you no matter what. But in order to engage in a healthy way, it is beneficial to have someone you trust who will speak truth to you because they will lovingly tell you if you have messed up. This is a must to engage conflict from a healthy perspective because we may not always see our missteps due to our own blind spots.

Celebrating Your Ministry Milestones

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This past Saturday was Elise’s birthday! We took time to go to one of our new favorite restaurants, eat yummy cupcakes from our favorite neighborhood bakery, Elise opened gifts, and we got to watch our beloved Hawkeyes win the Women’s Big 10 Tournament. Elise is truly amazing and I am so blessed to share life with her.

This weekend I was thinking about how much Elise has done and been through while serving in ministry. She’s been serving in ministry roles for 20 years, she’s held paid and volunteer positions in churches, she’s walked with countless students, she’s been a mom to so many, and she has given of her time, talents, and heart to bless students and churches. There’s so much to say about her and how amazing and wonderful she is, and there’s no one else I would want to walk through ministry and this life with. She’s my better half, my best friend, she’s walked through the highs and lows with me, and she is my favorite person in the world.

As I was reflecting on this past weekend and celebrating Elise, it gave me pause to ask this question: how are we celebrating milestones in our lives and ministries? Do you remember the good moments? Do you celebrate the good times and the moments you see God work? We often celebrate things in our personal lives, but what about our ministries?

How you celebrate these milestones is up to you, and they will look different from person to person, and they may adapt and change as you progress in your ministry. What is important is celebrating these moments and remembering God’s faithfulness and the high points in your ministry career. But what moments should we look to celebrate?

The first time you speak or preach.

This was a big deal for me on multiple levels. I remember the first time I preached at my first church. It wasn’t polished and my skill set wasn’t where it needed to be. But that church took a risk on me and brought me in to be their pastor. And I remember coming to our current church and our senior pastor saying that my first Sunday on staff I’d be preaching. He was another person who took a risk on me and continues to share his pulpit. These are moments I won’t soon forget and they were moments that helped to define who I am and helped to shape how I lead.

When students follow Jesus.

I’ll be honest: this is one of my favorite moments. When you witness students follow Jesus, especially ones who you have been praying for, it is life changing! Or when the student with questions finally gets the answers they were looking for, those are moments you shouldn’t forget. Pause and take time to write down those moments in a journal or find other ways to chronicle those special times.

Baptisms.

Similar to students following Jesus, I love these moments! We are coming up on our baptism service this semester for our church and we have 18 students getting baptized. Hearing students’ stories, having walked with them, and watching them unabashedly declare that they are following Jesus are awesome moments and ones worthy of celebration. Some of my absolute favorite moments have been baptizing students, and most recently we have baptized students in our special needs ministry and those have been super special. Each baptism I get to be a part of is filled with stories and relationships, and these moments are rich with special meaning.

Work anniversaries.

Pause and consider the reality that people rotate ministry positions fairly frequently. In fact, youth and children’s ministries are still looked at as “stepping stones” to other roles. That means that positions in ministry are ever changing, and being able to stick it out and be present longer than the statistics say is a great thing to celebrate. Celebrate work anniversaries. Celebrate how long you’ve been in your current position. Celebrate the changes you have seen happen. Celebrate what God has brought you through and the ways you have grown in your own development.

Ministry milestones.

This coming school year will be 20 years in ministry. That’s so crazy to think about, and even crazier to consider is that I am now one of the “old guys” in student ministry. Not sure when that one happened! But what an awesome privilege to be serving the church and students for so long. I get to look back and see what God has done, where students are, the growth and maturity in my life, and what God has brought me through.

I have had many transitions in my time in ministry and I have seen God do some pretty amazing things in and through Elise and I as we have served the church together. Looking back we can definitely see God’s hand at work in our lives and ministry and we can pause and reflect on God’s goodness and sustainment throughout our time in ministry.

Special moments.

I love watching my students grow up and now, having been in ministry almost two decades, I have had the privilege of officiating the weddings of former students. I have witnessed students go into full time ministry. Graduates are now serving in our ministry. These are awesome moments in my career and have been so special to be a part of. These are things I won’t soon forget and moments I treasure because they are the ones that truly warm my heart.

Tough moments.

You probably just did a double take when you read that, but hear me out on this. It is often when we come through difficult moments that we see the work God was doing. It’s after we make it through that we see what we have learned, we understand our growth, and we see how God was faithful. So take time to celebrate God’s sustainment and how He’s seen you through. Tough moments aren’t always fun but they help to shape and refine us, so remember and celebrate what God had done in and through you.

What milestones do you celebrate in your career?