Tag: Staff

Trip Tricks: No Phones

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When it comes to trips, we have a strict no phone policy for students. In our culture this can be fairly divisive because of our love for technology and the fear of missing out due to our comfortability with having everything in the palm our hands.

But here’s the thing: phones, social media, and technology, while amazing resources, actually cause us to be more disconnected, distracted, and anxious. That doesn’t mean that phones and technology are bad things, but it does mean we need to be intentional in helping our communities use and respond to them properly.

While social media and phones may seem to help us stay connected, they actually aren’t helping our students build authentic interpersonal relationships with their peers. They are actually engaging in relationships from a distance that don’t supplement the real relationships we were crafted for. Their online relationships may not be a bad thing, but they are no substitute for the real relationships God has designed us to be a part of.

All that to say, phones and technology can ultimately be distracting and hinder growth and maturity on trips. Instead, we desire for our trips to be places that help students grow in their relationships with Jesus and their peers. We want to eliminate distractions in our desire to foster authentic, Christ-centered relationships.

Now in some ways, this is easier said than done. I have heard all the pushback from parents, students, and even volunteers. But the statistics coupled with the results we have seen (deeper spiritual growth, intergenerational connections, ongoing transformation, and greater desire for transformation in their communities) outweigh all of the pushback. We also implement additional means of alleviating some of the pushback.

Prior to the trip, we communicate with students and families multiple times through a variety of methods (emails, social media, phone calls, meetings, etc.) the expectations and rationale for why we don’t allow students to have phones. We also share the ways parents have to reach out to our team.

We share our staff numbers as well as the camp or retreat’s contact information, and highlight that all of our leaders will have phones if contact needs to be made. Our team also posts intentional photos throughout our trips on social media to showcase our students and help families be a part of what is happening.

It should be noted that while we allow leaders to have phones on our trips, we put expectations in place for them as well. We ask them to primarily use their phones for photos and not to simply be on social media, playing games, or anything else that pulls them away from our students.

Over our career in student ministry we have witnessed the benefits of not allowing phones on trips. Typically students are not excited the first or second time they have to give up their phones. We’ve even had some students sneak burner phones into a camp. But as the trip goes on, students start to relax and become less anxious. They engage more with their peers, they begin having more intentional conversations, and they spend more time growing in their faith.

One of the best metrics for us is hearing from the majority of our students how they look forward to not having their phones on trips. They understand the need for healthy boundaries with their phones and for building into their relationships with Jesus and their communities.

At the end of the day this is a choice each student ministry must make for themselves. I’d strongly encourage a no phone policy on trips, but make sure you communicate why you have chosen to do so, be gracious in your conversations, understand where others are coming from, and make sure you and your leaders are fully engaged as you have your phones.

Review: The Bodies Behind the Bus Podcast

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Elise and I make a habit out of trying to listen to a wide variety of podcasts. Some are humorous, others are true crime, many are focused on ministry, and still others focus on sharing stories and critiques on ministry, leadership, and toxicity.

The Bodies Behind the Bus podcast focuses on the latter part of the list and truly seeks to help the church and ministry leaders be better at how they love, shepherd, and lead the church.

I do want to pause and address the “why” for a moment. Some of you may be asking, “why would you share a resource that can critique the church harshly and point out its flaws?” I think rather than simply ask that question we need to look at the causation for said question.

The cause is this: the church is made up of broken people and when broken people lead without checks, balances, and accountability, problems can and will arise. This leads to toxic leadership, unchecked authority, and a culture of harsh management and fear. This is the “why.”

When the church is made up of broken people, we must be striving to grow and be more aware to protect ourselves from falling into those categories as well as learning and empathizing with others who have been recipients of those negative behaviors.

With that being said, here is why I recommend this podcast. The hosts alternate between interviewing individuals who share their stories, digging deeper into hot topic issues surrounding churches, leadership, and culture, and dialoging about how the church needs to grow and change.

These episodes are highly informative and helpful to understand how to be a better leader who shepherds and cares for the flock. It also helps congregants and lay people understand what healthy leadership should look like while providing helpful and thoughtful ways to engage with your leadership.

The stories you will hear will pull at your heart as you empathize and sympathize with the story tellers. You will hear stories about churches and leaders you may know and many you do not. But by listening to each episode, you are allowing yourself to be shaped into a better leader by learning first and foremost how not to lead but also by becoming a better listener and shepherd for your people.

So often in the stories shared, people aren’t listened to and are dismissed. By allowing your heart and mind to hear these stories, you’re positioning yourself to be a better listener and leader because you’re seeing people where they are at and growing in your relational and emotional intelligence.

I will say this when it comes to The Bodies Behind the Bus: it may be helpful to take your intake slowly rather than the firehose method. These episodes, especially interviews with survivors, can be heavy and soul crushing. They are raw and can feature strong language, and as you hear the stories, stats, and fallout, your soul will grieve deeply. Because of that, it would be helpful to listen to the podcast in bite sized chunks rather than trying to power through many episodes at once.

You may not agree with everything in this podcast. I don’t expect you to. What I would challenge you to do is listen to it and allow for there to be room for empathy and sympathy in your heart as you hear the stories. Then allow for that to help mold you into the shepherd God has called you to be.

Quick Tip: It Never Hurts to Ask

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“Hey Nick, if you ever need any candy for youth group, all you need to do is ask!” I’ll never forget that conversation with, at that time, a new leader for our middle school ministry. From that point on any candy needs we had, he covered them.

Whether it was providing candy for special events, chocolate bars for s’mores, or just a bag of candy on my desk as a thank you; candy was simply an ask away. But you know what that simple conversation helped me understand? All I needed to do was ask if I had a need.

But here’s the thing: in the past, I have struggled to ask when there’s a need. Whether it’s a pride thing, comfortability, a lack of awareness, or a combination of all the above, I struggled to ask.

Now guess what? When I started to ask, when I shared what our needs were, our church community rallied to our cause. I would never have considered asking about candy being provided, even though we live in an area that has multiple chocolate companies just down the street from our church. But because a volunteer approached me with a way to meet a need, it helped me remember something: the church is in this together and they want our young people to succeed.

So what could you ask for? Of course we all jump to volunteers because that’s what we all need. But what if we saw beyond that? What if we asked for people who would be willing to open their homes or prepare a meal? What if you shared needs for supplies and resources? What if you simply asked?

Over the past couple of years we have begun sharing our needs more openly and it has provided us with so many amazing new relationships, community engagement, and ways to better bless and care for our students and leaders.

Here’s the rub: asking someone for something isn’t bad. It is a huge asset and a way for the church to be the church. But even if the request is denied, remember to say “thank you” and don’t let it defeat you. Keep asking. Keep sharing the need. And watch what God will do through the church body.

Resourcing Leaders

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Elise and I have each been in youth ministry for twenty plus years. That’s crazy when we step back and think about how things have changed during that time. Technology has evolved. How youth groups do things has changed (bye-bye “Fear Factor” challenges). Styles and culture have changed. Students are walking through more difficult things.

Have you seen how things have changed and evolved over the last couple of decades? What about over the past five to ten years? The reality is that our culture and what our students are walking through has changed drastically and will continue to do so. But with that can often comes a feeling of ineptness for ourselves and our volunteers.

If you’re like me you may remember the first time a student came to you about a new issue you hadn’t been taught how to respond to. Maybe it was about eating disorders or disordered eating. Perhaps it was about sex, sexuality, and gender. Maybe it has to do with cutting and self harm. Or was it the time a student talked about the reality of their mental health and how it was affecting them.

Do any of these sound familiar? Have you ever had a student come to you with these issues or any of the litany of others we deal with? Here’s the thing: many of us have had some type of formal training if we are on church staff. Whether it was a single semester class, listening to podcasts, going to conferences, or additional resources at your disposal, you probably have more knowledge than some of your lay people when it comes these issues by nature of your role and responsibilities.

That is not a slight against our volunteers, but instead a challenge for us to be aware of what our people need. Typically, those of us who are leading ministries have more knowledge and awareness of issues or we know what resources to utilize when needed. The majority of our volunteers may not have the same knowledge or background and because of that we bear the responsibility of helping to resource and equip our people.

With that responsibility in mind, we should do all we can to help our people when different issues or circumstances arise. I understand that for many ministry leaders, paying for resources may not be feasible each year or at all. The resources you stock don’t necessarily have to be resources that require you to pay for them.

You could download and print out articles to share. Podcasts are an easy option to resource to your leaders. Websites like The Bible Project have videos, articles, and more for your leaders. Some national ministries may also be willing to send you resources at a discounted rate or for free if you reach out to them about your circumstances.

If you are able to purchase items for your leaders here are some ideas for what you could utilize to resource them.

Study and Journaling Bibles: Having study bibles or journaling bibles for your leaders and students to utilize in small groups, discipleship relationships, or for individual study are great resources.

Bible Study Resources: Equipping your leaders with resources to help students study the Bible is a huge win. This will help your leaders feel prepared and ready to walk with students through God’s Word and help them understand it.

Bible Studies: We love She Reads Truth and He Reads Truth for all of their materials. Their Bible studies are great for students because they don’t speak down to them or try to be hip and cool. Instead they offer topical, whole book, and character Bible studies. While these may seem a little costly you can get digital versions for less and if you subscribe to their emails, you can watch for sales including their clearance sales when books are significantly marked down.

Topical Books: If I have learned anything throughout my years in ministry, it’s never be surprised by the questions you are asked. Whether from students, parents, or leaders, the questions will always be there and they will span a wide swath of issues and circumstances.

With that in mind, we have curated books on a variety of topics to help people think through and navigate different issues. We have books on mental health issues, books on hot button issues in Christendom, books about identity, books on community, small group leading, and more. Basically if we saw a book that would be helpful, we allocated part of our budget to begin building a library of resources.

Scriptural Citations and Resources: One thing we have started to accrue over time is a running list of Scripture references for a variety of issues. So often students are looking for answers and ask “what does God think about this” or “what does the Bible say about that.” Having a running list of references allows us to resource our leaders and to point them toward what the Bible has to say.

What resources do you make sure to give to your leaders?

Quick Tip: Invest in a Label Maker

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I know, I know. You probably read the title of this post and thought, “really, that’s the topic for today?” I get it, it may not seem like a post that should be on a site devoted to helping youth workers succeed in ministry. But trust me, it is a much needed post. Let’s think about this for a moment.

What do label makers do? They make labels. And why do we need labels? To help us and others know what different things are and where they are stored. Within each of our ministries, we probably know where everything is. I bet if I showed up at your ministry and asked for a specific item’s location you could tell me in a heartbeat. You also probably know how much of each item you have.

But do your volunteers know where everything is? Do they know what items you have and how many? What would happen if you got sick on a Sunday morning or youth group night? Would your team know where everything is and how to operate it?

Here is where the unassuming label maker comes into play. Your game supplies are labeled so they know what you have and if the supplies they need are present. The log in for the laptop or computer is labeled on the laptop. Instructions for the sound system are adhered to the sound board. Essentially a label maker removes ambiguity and allows everyone to be able to utilize the necessary aspects of your ministry even if they aren’t the normal lead person.

This is also a great way to care for your team and ministry, as well as setting up the next person in your position for success. You are helping your team and volunteers succeed by making things foolproof and helpful, and you are preparing your ministry for handoff when that time comes.

For those of us who have moved into new ministry positions, we know what it’s like to step into someone else’s world. You don’t know where everything is. Storage and organization isn’t how you would do it. You’re unsure of what items are in closets and what supplies you actually have. But when you label things you are setting up your ministry for a beneficial handoff and whoever comes after you for success. In essence you are being a good steward and caretaker of your ministry and setting it up for the long haul.

Never underestimate the humble label maker, and instead use it to enhance your ministry and to help your team succeed.

Product Review: GoSports Gaga Ball

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If your middle school students are anything like ours, they probably love Gaga Ball. Our students could play this for hours and keep coming back for more. Last year we decided to make an investment for our middle school ministry and we purchased a 20 foot GoSports Gaga Ball Pit.

We used to utilize some of our older wooden tables to build an improvised Gaga Pit whenever we hosted outdoor events that brought students in by the droves. We longed for a set that was easier to set up and could be utilized indoors. I searched for hours online trying to figure out what our options were but everything was either too expensive or was a DIY option that required more building skills than I could ever have.

Eventually one of our volunteers built us a semi-portable set out of two-by-fours but it wasn’t meant to last. So we found ourselves back where we started: no real options. And I’ll be frank, I had given up hope of finding something that would work for our ministry setting and within our budget.

That’s when my middle school director came to me with a great option. After searching through Amazon, she had found a viable option: the GoSports Gaga Ball Pit. These come in three different size options (10, 15, and 20 feet) and seemed to have a quick set up and tear down feature.

I was skeptical about this set at first. It seemed too good to be true and way too easy to set up and store. But I figured let’s see what happens, and I am so happy we did. This set is incredibly easy to set up and it has stood up to heavy (weekly) use.

Not only is it easy to set up and durable, GoSports also has great customer service when it comes to obtaining replacement parts. And don’t assume that it broke or isn’t up to the task because we needed replacement parts. One of our pieces got run over and still worked but was slightly off.

The set comes with three different types of pieces that when all put together, form an octagon. You place the poles into each of the openings in the net and put them into the upright stands and there you have it: a ready-to-go Gaga Ball Pit. This even comes with two rubber balls that you can use in your pit.

One thing I will say is be mindful that this pit isn’t like one made out of plastic or wood where the ball will rebound quickly off of the sides. The netting actually cushions the ball and slows it down a little. That means play may not be as fast paced as other sets but it does allow players of all skill levels to have a blast.

At the end of the day, this set is totally worth the investment and we will be recommending it to everyone!

Quick Tip: Intentionality at Grad Parties

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If you’re like me, graduation season is in full swing and graduation parties are popping up every weekend. But have you ever asked yourself, “why do I go to these?”

I know I’ve been to ones where I only knew the graduate and their family, and in some cases just the graduate. I’ve been to ones that felt awkward for a variety of reasons. And still others where I stayed for hours on end.

But still, the question of “why do I go” hasn’t been answered. So why do we go? Of course we go for the graduate and to celebrate them, but that cannot be the only reason.

Let’s be honest for a moment: while the graduate may be happy to see us, their focus will be on their friends and family. So if we limit our reason to going to simply to celebrate the graduate (and eat good food), I think we are missing a broader opportunity.

When we practice intentionality at graduation parties, it allows us to have a broader impact as we love and care for our community. If we simply go to just celebrate our graduates, we miss out on intentional moments with parents, families, friends, our leaders, and even complete strangers we may meet in line for the guestbook.

What I would encourage is that we go to celebrate our graduates but also to intentionally engage and invest in the other people who are at the party. If we take the moments we are given and seek to have intentional conversations, love the people present, and celebrate the graduates, we will see the opportunities for engaging with our community flourish and be much more fruitful.

So when you go to grad parties this year, practice intentionality and love your community well. Not only will this make the parties more meaningful but you will also see relationships flourish because of the impact your ministry will have.

5 Ways to Listen Well

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Have you ever been a part of a conversation where it was obvious that the other person wasn’t listening? Perhaps you noticed a glazed look that came over the other person. Or maybe you were able to tell that you weren’t heard by the response the other person gave. Did someone continually try to tell you how to fix the problem but didn’t actually know what the problem was because they never let you fully share what was happening?

I think many—if not all—of us have experienced a time when we weren’t heard. But allow me to pose a different question within the same topic: have you ever been guilty of not listening well? Hits a little different doesn’t it? If we were all to take a deeper look into our own interactions we may notice that we are just as guilty of not always listening well.

So the question before us is simple to state but perhaps more complex in the intentionality we must implement: how do we listen well? I want to share a few simple ways to do this, but also to highlight that these aren’t fix-alls. It starts with our heart and intentionality in building authentic relationships that honor and dignify both individuals as we seek to reflect the love and personhood of Jesus.

1. Listen to understand not problem solve.

If you’re like me, you may be someone who wants to fix whatever problem you are given. However, some people just want you to listen, understand, and empathize with them. When we listen to fix the problem we will miss what the actual problem is, we devalue the other person by not actually listening to them, and we are looking to make ourselves the hero rather than just a friend. Instead we should listen to understand which values the other person and builds trust and rapport between both of you.

2. Ask clarifying questions.

Listening well means you are seeking clarity and understanding. In order to accomplish that well, we need to ask clarifying questions. This highlights that you were listening and that you truly want to understand what is happening as you walk in community with the other person.

3. Allow people to finish their thoughts.

I find myself often wanting to jump into a conversation before I should. I assert my thoughts before the other person has finished talking. I try to finish other people’s sentences, and I try to discern where the conversation is going before it actually arrives at that point.

But there is an inherent problem in all of these above things: it tells the other person their perspectives, thoughts, and insights do not matter because you have it all figured out. It actually devalues them and elevates us. Instead we should seek to truly listen and allow others to fully articulate themselves as we seek to understand.

4. Be fully present and not distracted.

It is so easy to get distracted during conversations. There’s things happening around us, different noises, technology, phones and watches buzzing, and a litany of other things competing for our time and attention. Many of us have experienced people being distracted while we talk to them and we know how that makes us feel. That means we should strive to do the opposite as we care well for our people.

We should be present and do whatever we can to minimize distractions. That can be switching on “do not disturb” on our devices, shutting a door, putting our backs to distractions, or anything else that will help us to focus and be present.

5. Be responsive.

When we are actively engaged in listening well, we should show that in our actions, reactions, facial expressions, and verbal responses. When we respond to what people say, it helps to highlight our engagement and attention to the other person. This comes through our body language, shifting our positions, leaning into the conversation, giving verbal responses, appropriate emotional responses, and making sure we are looking at the other person.

The more we listen well the more we will see our relationships flourish and grow in authenticity as we seek to love and value others.

Quick Tip: Caring for Leaders

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Have you ever had a leader experience loss? How did you respond? Has a leader on your team ever had a surgery or prolonged illness? Was there a celebratory moment like a college or graduate school graduation? Has there been a birth or adoption within your community?

When it comes to caring for our people, we need to practice intentional community and support for them. Often we can default to monetary care, and while that can be a part of caring well, we can and should be thinking about different opportunities to love and support our community. But what are some additional ways to care well during difficult or celebratory moments?

  1. Send a personal handwritten note or card.
  2. Pray with and for the individual.
  3. Visit with them and make sure you have allotted the appropriate amount of time to visit.
  4. Send flowers and/or balloons.
  5. Send a gift card to your local supermarket or DoorDash to help provide meals.
  6. Start a meal train and bring a meal by yourself.
  7. Encourage your youth group to write cards to the individual.
  8. Put together a gift basket with contributions from your leaders and/or youth group.
  9. Help out with any service projects around the home and encourage your students to help with these.
  10. Check in and see if they need help with childcare or pet sitting.
  11. Ask families to contribute to any of the above ideas.

These aren’t meant to be a catch all, but instead to challenge us to think creatively when it comes to caring well for our people. We want them to know they are seen, loved, and missed and these are just some options that help us to think outside of our normal ways of doing things.

Quick Tip: Build Authentic Friendships

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Ministry is lonely. There’s no denying it. Depending on your context and setting, it may be felt in substantially larger ways.

In my context it seems like everyone knows me because of my job. It’s always, “Hi, Nick” in the supermarket or “Hello, pastor” at the gas station. The reality is that it’s often hard to build authentic friendships in my context because I’m always seen as a “pastor” rather than just another person trying to follow Jesus and be authentic with others.

If I’m honest, that reality actually led me to keep authentic friendships at arms length for a very long time, which led to increased loneliness that grew exponentially during the global pandemic. That became the tipping point for me and I realized I truly needed to have authentic friendships in order to continue to not just make it through life but also to thrive.

That meant I needed to take a risk and realize that I would have to open myself up to others and deal with past hurt from other friendships. In doing so, I had to identify that not every friendship will work out, nor will every friend hurt me like some had in the past. If you’ve been hurt or betrayed, you know just how difficult it is to open yourself up again, and the entire premise of this article probably leaves you feeling anxious and unsure.

I get it. Even as I write this, I can’t help but rehash past friendships that left me hurt and broken. But can I offer you some hope? There are authentic and meaningful friendships that exist and can offer the healing, community, and depth that we all need.

Let me also encourage you to look for friendships outside of your normal contexts. Yes, look within your communities and church, but recognize you may need to look elsewhere. Sometimes you need a safe place to process and be honest about work and what is happening within that context.

Consider reaching out to other youth workers in your community. Join a cohort. Find networks in your area. Utilize social media groups to find ways to connect with others. Consider reaching out to friends from college. Connect with coaching organizations and see if they have networks. Talk to former youth pastors and see if they could be mentors and friends. Reach out to your denomination (if you’re a part of one) and ask about connection opportunities. The broader your target, the more potential you have to find something that works.

Yes, there is risk with this but I can promise you the reward is great. I’ve been able to build lasting friendships from cohorts, college, and within our church community. All of which have been of great benefit to me and I am forever grateful.

Let me encourage and challenge you to seek out friendships that allow you and the other person(s) to truly be authentic and be for one another. Take a risk and be willing to trust others. You’ll be the better for it.