Tag: self-care

Staying Healthy While Leading

Posted on by Leave a comment

It’s quickly becoming cold and flu season. With students back in school, the change in weather, and youth group running consistently, illnesses pop and spread quickly. In our community, the first week of school saw a high number of students who became sick and that trend has continued through the year with students, families, and leaders.

We all know that illnesses can spread quickly among a youth group. Whether it’s the common cold, norovirus, Covid, sore throats, or a stomach bug, these illnesses do not pick and choose who they grow attached to, and that person may be you. But there are cautionary steps we can take to try and avoid those illnesses as much as possible.

Exercise.

Part of staying healthy is taking proactive steps before you become sick. Taking time to exercise and help your body grow stronger will help you stay healthy especially during those peak seasons of illness.

This isn’t about overdoing it, but exercising within your limits and abilities at a frequency you can maintain. Incorporating this rhythm into your routine will help your body in being able to fight off some of the common illnesses you will see at youth group.

Drink plenty of fluids.

A good doctor will always tell you that part of staying healthy and helping to get rid of things like the common cold is to drink plenty of fluids. That doesn’t mean soda and energy drinks but lots of water, electrolytes, natural fruit juice, and fluids like different teas that have immunity-boosting qualities. The more you hydrate the better your body will be at negotiating times of illness and you will also find that your voice has greater longevity when you’re speaking more often.

Don’t share food.

This seems like a no-brainer to me, but I get it. In youth group, finishing a slice of pizza at the end of the night seems like a good idea. Until you consider how many hands have been on it and how many people have breathed (and maybe sneezed) on it.

Those types of things should stop us from sharing food at youth events because it allows for germs to spread quickly. Instead of grabbing at the leftovers or sharing a soda with a fellow youth leader, consider an alternative to help protect your body from getting sick.

Wash your hands well and be mindful of what you touch.

Let’s be honest: students can be kind of gross. Many of them don’t wash their hands, they’re touching things without good hygiene, they want to be close to caring adults, and have been in a variety of settings where germs are being frequently spread.

In light of that, you must make sure to wash your hands well, and often, and to be aware of what you are touching. Don’t put food, or your fingers, in your mouth without washing your hands. Watch to make sure people aren’t grabbing at the food with unwashed hands. These types of steps help you to be proactive in preventing the potential spread of germs and illnesses.

Stay away from caffeinated drinks when teaching and talking a lot.

If you’re feeling under the weather but not necessarily sick, and you continue to lead and teach, you will find yourself often reaching for something with caffeine to give you that boost to make it through. But caffeine can actually hamper your vocal cords which then leads to you putting additional stress on them and yourself to try to push through.

This leads to depletion and opens you up to getting even sicker. So instead of grabbing coffee or an energy drink, get good rest, drink decaf tea with honey, take throat drops, and consider taking time off to allow your body to heal.

Get a good amount of rest.

Rest is extremely underrated in ministry circles. Humanity is incredibly bad at resting and in ministry we almost see rest as a sin and are willing to push ourselves to exhaustion because it’s “ministry” and “our calling.”

But God tells us to rest, He models it for us, and He even builds it into a rhythm so we slow down and rest in Him. If we aren’t resting and taking time to breathe and be refreshed we will end up becoming more and more ineffective and depleted which will lead to a lower immune system and more time being sick. So instead of simply pushing through, take time to rest, recover, and refresh so you can do what God has called you to do.

Take preventative supplements.

I’m no doctor so please hear me when I say that before taking anything you should always consult with a doctor to make sure you can take it and that it’s helpful for you. Taking things like Emergen-C, Airborne, or other Vitamin C-boosted products can be extremely helpful during peak illness times and on trips. It helps give your body a natural boost to prepare against the illnesses and germs that will be around.

At the end of the day, we cannot stop ourselves from getting sick. We are human and part of being human means our bodies are temporary and subject to illnesses. While we cannot stop illnesses, we can be proactive and take steps to keep ourselves healthy and ready to lead. These steps are not a fix-all nor are they guaranteed, but they are proactive habits that will help you avoid getting sick and hopefully help you grow as a leader.

Healthy Ways to Disconnect

Posted on by Leave a comment

Let me ask you a question: when was the last time you took a break? How about a true weekend without work? When was the last time you took a vacation and truly felt relaxed, at peace, and didn’t think about work?

Please understand that I am not trying to cast condemnation or criticism here. I’m in the same boat. For years, I always had my phone next to me and was ready for the next issue to arise. Every time it buzzed I feared what was happening.

It took a good couple of days to breathe and truly enjoy being on vacations. Weekends were rough because I was always thinking about what was to come. It was always hard to shut off my mind after a standard work day let alone after youth group.

Feel like you’re in the same boat? I think for a lot of us in ministry we feel that weight. We feel the complexity of working hard at our jobs and ministering to students, families, and the church, but also the added weight of a deeply personal call to shepherd and care for the people of God.

When you put all those things together they can feel heavy; they are heavy. And if you don’t put appropriate breaks, rhythms, refreshment, and space between those things and your own personal life and spiritual development, you will burn out. You will struggle with anxiety, depression, resentment, bitterness, and more. You will find distance growing between you and your family. Your family will struggle with loving the church because of what they see it doing to you.

And ultimately you will find yourself serving the church of God and not God, Himself; you will create an idol. And yes, even good things can become idols because they are not meant to be the ultimate thing in our lives.

If all of that is true—and believe me it is because I’m proof of it—what do we need to be doing differently? Today, I want to share a handful of practices I have begun to implement in my life that have been extremely helpful in disconnecting.

Bring others in.

If you’re feeling overworked, resentful, burnt out, or if the joy is gone, you need to bring people in. We are crafted for community and so often we go through life alone. Instead, we need to bring others into our lives and share honestly about what is happening.

The sooner you bring people in and are transparent with things, the better equipped you’ll be to heal and disconnect well. By bringing others in, it allows you to have accountability and a network to help you disconnect and establish boundaries.

Be honest about what you’re feeling.

I think when you work in ministry it is easy to mask how you’re feeling and to pretend like you have everything under control. That type of mentality can easily lead to isolation, frustration, and hurt which often times leads us to go through life and ministry alone.

That way of living will not allow you to disconnect because you are tying your personal life and work together in an unhealthy pattern. Instead, we need to be honest with others and ourselves about how we are doing. When we are honest we can begin to move toward growth, healing, and the ability to disconnect more because we are untying our personal and work lives.

Utilize “no phone” policies.

A great way to disconnect is to quite literally disconnect your phone. Turn on do not disturb, turn off notifications, stay off social media, and don’t check emails. If that doesn’t work, then literally turn off of your phone or put it in a different room.

Look, I get it. We need to be available but at the same time there is such a thing as work-life balance and phones don’t always allow us to maintain the proper balance. So practice healthy phone use to keep yourself from being inundated with work.

Take extra days at the beginning and end of your vacation.

Have you ever felt stressed leading up to a vacation as you are trying to button up everything at work? Have you felt like coming home from vacation feels overwhelming as you need to catch up on laundry and food shopping as well as all the emails? Me too!

That’s why Elise and I started to add additional days off to prep for vacation before we go and we have a day or two at home at the back end to readjust to normalcy. Giving yourself breathing room at the front and backend of a vacation allows you to truly rest and relax while you’re away because everything has been handled and can be handled when you return.

Be clear about your boundaries.

This one is key to being able to disconnect. The more transparent you are about your boundaries and the more willing you are to hold to them the more you’ll be able to disconnect.

This isn’t easy in the beginning but I can promise you that it is worth it. Talk about how your days off are actually days off. Be willing to tell people you aren’t checking emails or handling work-related tasks when you aren’t working. The more you talk about and model clear boundaries the more people will begin to respect them and you will be able to disconnect in healthier ways.

I’m not going to say I have mastered this. In fact there are still days and weeks that I feel the weight of ministry. But I can promise you that by putting these habits and rhythms into place you will find yourself in a much better place. Simply taking the initiative and beginning to build these into your life will help you relax and breathe better.

Embracing Yourself

Posted on by Leave a comment

We are all unique. We bring different skills, personalities, giftings, backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives to the table. These aspects are what make each of us uniquely suited to serve in student ministry.

But if you have been around student ministry, or ministry period, you have probably heard or assumed that a youth pastor should look and act a certain way. There’s the image of a young, hip youth pastor who can play guitar and knows everything about pop culture.

There’s the personality that’s charismatic and outgoing. The youth worker who is energized by large gatherings that are filled with excitement and energy. The youth worker who is everyone’s best friend and all the students relate to them.

Or on the flip side, there’s the stereotypical youth pastor who dresses down all the time, is a glorified babysitter, and is called on to preach only when the senior pastor is out of town.

Do any of these sound familiar? Have you heard or experienced any of those presuppositions? I know I have in my career, many times. And if I’m honest, those presuppositions can be pretty defeating and hurtful. I don’t fit those molds at all and if those molds were the picture of the perfect youth pastor, I wouldn’t have a job. But can I let you in on a secret?

There is no “perfect” youth pastor or youth worker. There’s no “right” personality type or style or leadership. You don’t have to fit a certain mold or stereotype. You can and should be uniquely you!

God has created you in a unique and purposeful way. Your personality, your gifting, your strengths, and even your weaknesses have uniquely positioned you for ministering to students. You don’t need to dress a certain way or have all the glitz and glam. Those aren’t bad things but they aren’t ultimate things.

You can be soft spoken and relationally-focused. You could be outgoing and a gifted communicator. You can focus on discipleship or have a desire to be more evangelistic. You may have a passion for large events or smaller gatherings. Structure can be your strength or your ability to work on the fly. Whatever you bring to the table makes you, you.

Now I’m not advocating for passivity or to simply show up and not seek to grow and develop. What I am saying is this: your gifts, personality, and skillset are uniquely given to you by God to equip you for ministering to students.

So lean into those gifts, further your strengths, and seek to shore up your weaknesses. Don’t allow for who you are or presuppositions or the stereotypes to keep you from doing what God has called you to do. Embrace yourself and your gifts and allow for God to work through you in the intentional way He has desired for you.

So what makes you, you? What gifts, strengths, and skills do you bring to the table? How are you highlighting those abilities and helping others to see you and your skills as God does?

Embrace and lean into your skills and abilities! You are exactly who God wants in the space He has placed you in. Never forget that! Embrace yourself and allow God to work in and through you as you shepherd and guide the next generation.

Quick Tip: Build Authentic Friendships

Posted on by Leave a comment

Ministry is lonely. There’s no denying it. Depending on your context and setting, it may be felt in substantially larger ways.

In my context it seems like everyone knows me because of my job. It’s always, “Hi, Nick” in the supermarket or “Hello, pastor” at the gas station. The reality is that it’s often hard to build authentic friendships in my context because I’m always seen as a “pastor” rather than just another person trying to follow Jesus and be authentic with others.

If I’m honest, that reality actually led me to keep authentic friendships at arms length for a very long time, which led to increased loneliness that grew exponentially during the global pandemic. That became the tipping point for me and I realized I truly needed to have authentic friendships in order to continue to not just make it through life but also to thrive.

That meant I needed to take a risk and realize that I would have to open myself up to others and deal with past hurt from other friendships. In doing so, I had to identify that not every friendship will work out, nor will every friend hurt me like some had in the past. If you’ve been hurt or betrayed, you know just how difficult it is to open yourself up again, and the entire premise of this article probably leaves you feeling anxious and unsure.

I get it. Even as I write this, I can’t help but rehash past friendships that left me hurt and broken. But can I offer you some hope? There are authentic and meaningful friendships that exist and can offer the healing, community, and depth that we all need.

Let me also encourage you to look for friendships outside of your normal contexts. Yes, look within your communities and church, but recognize you may need to look elsewhere. Sometimes you need a safe place to process and be honest about work and what is happening within that context.

Consider reaching out to other youth workers in your community. Join a cohort. Find networks in your area. Utilize social media groups to find ways to connect with others. Consider reaching out to friends from college. Connect with coaching organizations and see if they have networks. Talk to former youth pastors and see if they could be mentors and friends. Reach out to your denomination (if you’re a part of one) and ask about connection opportunities. The broader your target, the more potential you have to find something that works.

Yes, there is risk with this but I can promise you the reward is great. I’ve been able to build lasting friendships from cohorts, college, and within our church community. All of which have been of great benefit to me and I am forever grateful.

Let me encourage and challenge you to seek out friendships that allow you and the other person(s) to truly be authentic and be for one another. Take a risk and be willing to trust others. You’ll be the better for it.

Encouraging Your Leaders to Rest

Posted on by Leave a comment

I don’t know if you have leaders like I do, but I’ve noticed that my leaders tend to give 110% all year long. They show up not just when we have programming, but they also go to activities, stay late or come in early to talk to students, engage over the phone and social media, and put in countless hours on trips.

But have you ever considered encouraging them to take a break? I know that for some of you this is an obvious “yes” but for others it’s probably a “no.” I’ve worked in environments where the expectations on leaders is they keep showing up year round and if they had to take a break it was frowned upon. And then others where there’s no structure and people just come and go.

What I’m arguing for is a balanced approach where there is structure and expectations but not to the degree of overworking or burning out our people. We need to actually encourage them and challenge them to pause and refresh so they are the best version of themselves and ready to pour into our students. But how do we do that?

Model it.

Pause and consider this for a second. Do you model resting well? Are you showing your people that taking a Sabbath isn’t just a good thing but something we are commanded to do by God? Have you taken breaks, retreats, or a rest day? If we aren’t modeling resting well to our people, then why should they rest?

We need to highlight, talk about, and model rest to our people. Help them to know how to rest well. Show them that resting isn’t quitting. Help them to see why we all need to rest.

Encourage it.

This is similar to modeling rest, but it’s now being spoken out loud. Talk about rest. Highlight its importance. Bring it up in group settings and in one on one conversations. By encouraging rest, we are helping to keep our leaders from overworking, overcommitting, and burning out.

It is a preemptive approach and a biblical one that we often push to the side. So by highlighting and talking about it, we are encouraging our leaders to be more in tune with living as Jesus has called us to live.

Respect boundaries.

This is key! When was the last time someone texted or called you on your day off? Or maybe the question is this: when did you last check your work inbox or think about all the stuff you had to do at work on your day off?

The truth is we aren’t always great at respecting our own boundaries, so why do we think we will respect them period? What we need to do is start setting boundaries for ourselves, and by modeling that to others and encouraging them to have boundaries, we are helping them to build rhythms of rest into their lives.

Encourage them to have “do not disturb” set on their phones. Challenge them to disconnect at times. Remind them that they don’t need to be all things to all people which means they don’t always have to respond. Help them to be present in the moments rather than always be engaged outside of the moment (i.e. when you’re with family, you are fully present with them). These rhythms will help them to breathe, pause, and rest in ways that we should.

Schedule breaks.

One practical way you can help your leaders rest is by intentionally scheduling breaks for your program. Take time off around major holidays, take a break before or after a trip, consider shifting summer programming, or just schedule regular sabbaths in for the team. When you incorporate intentional breaks and communicate the “why” behind the break, you’re caring well for your team and helping them embrace rest.

Communicate the “why.”

Just like I shared above, communicating the “why” behind rest periods is essential. You’re highlighting your reasoning, the biblical support, and the value this is for your ministry, leaders, and families. So when you communicate this, remember to communicate not just to leaders but also to families. Help them to see the why, and encourage them to rest as well.

Resource: FYI Report on Youth Leader Burnout & Wellbeing

Posted on by Leave a comment

I love getting resources whether they are digital or physical. I’m the guy who is always signing up to get newsletters, promotional materials, and always looking for a free t-shirt or hat. But aside from the random freebies and additions to my closet, I’m also on the lookout for resources that help me grow as a youth pastor, an individual, and as a disciple of Jesus.

One of the resources I recently obtained had to do with the holistic health of student pastors, put out by the Fuller Youth Institute. Back in the days of the Youth Specialities annual conference, I signed up to receive their emails and digital resources, and I can honestly say I’ve never been disappointed with what they send.

This last week I had an email from FYI pop into my inbox with this title: “🚨 ALERT: High burnout month ahead!” I’ll be honest, the title immediately grabbed my attention and upon reading it I saw that it contained an amazing free resource. The “FYI Report on Youth Leader Burnout & Wellbeing” is available as a free download at this link. You will need to enter your name and email info, but I can promise you that it is totally worth it.

Right on the sign up page for the free download, Fuller Youth Institute gives you a brief preview of what’s in their report. It includes “the latest research on the experiences of today’s youth leaders, firsthand insight and stories, tips for developing strategies, and practical recommendations.” What I can tell you is if you thought that sounds good, the report is a hundred times better.

Fuller’s report is constructed in an easy-to-read way, filled with stats and solid research, punctuated by real life experiences from many different youth leaders, investigative in its approach, and encouraging and challenging in its challenge to youth leaders, churches, and church staff. At the end of the day this report is encouraging because while it focuses on the realities of burnout amongst youth workers, it doesn’t claim that as the end result.

Instead, it highlights how we can overcome and avoid that result so we can thrive in our roles. The encouragement to pastors and church leaders is also beneficial as it provides them with thoughtful and practical ways to come alongside youth workers as they walk with them and encourage them.

All in all, this is an amazing resource to read through and be aware of. The end game may still be a struggle, especially if you don’t have support in your role. But this report helps you to see you aren’t alone and provides solid responses to help you thrive in your position.

It also equips you with resources to highlight the necessity of partnership within the church that may help others come alongside of you. I just wouldn’t recommend passive aggressively placing this in your senior pastor’s mailbox. Instead, consider sharing it with them over coffee or lunch, or doing the same with an elder or two. The more relationally intentional you are in sharing this with leadership, the greater the potential they will listen and respond.

So what are you waiting for? Go download this report now!

Quick Tip: 8 Ways to Rest Before a Trip

Posted on by Leave a comment

Next week is our winter retreat which is typically the biggest trip of the year for our student ministry. There’s been a ton of prep work going into organizing, planning, and behind the scenes aspects that have been happening for months. In fact, this past week has been incredibly busy and stressful with final preparations and feeling the crunch of normal programming coupled with trip preparations.

I’ll be honest, this past week has been exhausting. I’ve gotten home every night, felt wiped out, and just want to veg out. As the weekend approached I knew I had to make a conscious decision to not do work and simply relax, spend time with Elise, and stay healthy.

The truth is just a few short years ago, that wouldn’t be the case. I would have been frantically checking emails, responding to calls and texts on my days off, I wouldn’t be sleeping well, and the stress would be overwhelming. After a much needed and forced period of rest, I’ve begun approaching ministry with a different perspective that is focused on maintaining my health so I can be a healthy leader.

With that in mind, I’ve approached trips and retreats differently. While yes, the weeks leading up to a student ministry trip is busy and stressful, that does not necessitate us compromising our health, time off, and time with family. So let me encourage you to actually find time to rest, relax, refuel, and prepare leading up to your trip.

But how can we do that well? Here some ways I have found beneficial:

1. Make sure to get plenty of sleep. We all know this doesn’t happen on trips, so start to give your body extra rest in preparation.

2. Hydrate and make sure your body has plenty of fluids. This is essential both before and during your trip.

3. Eat foods that are good for you and boost your immunity and overall health. Camp food is fun (said no adult ever), so preparing your body by eating well ahead of time is essential.

4. Take preventative supplements and vitamins. Gotta keep up your strength and stay healthy!

5. Spend time doing things that fill you and bring you joy. Your upcoming trip will be very demanding in multiple ways. Take time to do something for yourself to charge up ahead of time.

6. Make sure to be wholly present with your family. You’ll be spending significant time apart, make sure to do some things together before that happens.

7. Don’t do work. Yes, you’ll get frantic last minute texts, emails or calls. But someone else’s lack of planning or preparation does not necessitate an emergency on your part. A simple text response saying you’ll respond when you’re in the office will suffice. That may sound a little harsh or dismissive, but your time off and well-being is important and necessary.

8. Pray and spend time nourishing your soul. You’re going to pour out a lot on this trip, so make sure your pitcher (i.e., your soul) is filled so you can pour out.

Communicating with Your Significant Other

Posted on by Leave a comment

Elise and I have been married for over eleven years, and both of us would say our communication has evolved since we first got married. I can speak from my perspective and share that my communication didn’t just get better but was more of a roller coaster. There were times I communicated clearly and authentically with a desire for the relationship to grow and flourish. But there have also been times where I haven’t been a great communicator. I would shut down, I wouldn’t share my emotions, and I wouldn’t communicate well overall.

The reason I share this is not to create a “poor me” mentality, but to share with you that I get it. Communication can be hard. Communication takes work. Communication is necessary. My desire today is to share some lessons Elise and I have learned about communication in hopes of giving you some resources and an opportunity to learn sooner than we did in certain areas.

I will also say this: learning healthy communication isn’t just for those with significant others. While this post is written to that group of individuals, these truths and pieces of advice can be applied to all relationships.

Make sure to spend time together.

Let me explain this because I think a large portion of us would say a resounding “we do” to this statement. And while you may spend quantitative time, is it quality time? Were there screens involved? Did you communicate? Was there intimacy (not just sex but true, holistic intimacy)? Was the conversation meaningful? Did each person feel seen, heard, and loved? When we can answer those questions in the affirmative, then we are truly spending intentional time with our significant other.

Listen well.

Listening is a skill and an art. It takes time, intentionality, and practice to listen well. Listen not to solve problems, but to understand and know the other person. When you listen in that way, it makes the time purposeful and not simply about finishing the conversation or righting the issue.

When there is conflict, be willing to engage with it.

Please hear me on this: I’m not advocating for seeking out conflict. Please do not run and try to find issues or problems to turn into a bigger issue. Instead, we all know that in every relationship there will be some type of conflict. Some minor and some major. How you deal with that conflict is paramount to helping your relationship heal and thrive.

Don’t run from the conflict, don’t dismiss it, and don’t attack the other person. Instead remember who the conflict is with: your best friend. Remember what the goal is: it isn’t winning, it’s thriving together as one. When you put things in perspective, conflict doesn’t have to be bad but instead can be handled well where each party communicates, is seen and heard, and resolution begins.

Be mindful of your tone.

Our communication can often be changed by our tone and approach to it. If we come to the conversation with an agenda or a specific attitude, that will be communicated toward our significant other. We also need to be aware of how and why we are saying the things we are communicating. Sarcasm, critical or accusatory words, or even manipulative comments can be extremely detrimental to the relationship. When you’re mindful of your tone, you are going to truly be able to communicate and care well for one another.

Share authentically.

For some reason couples don’t always share how they are feeling. Whether they don’t feel they can, are trying to avoid conflict, or don’t know how, we must be able to be authentic in how we communicate. We need to share feelings, both good and bad. We need to take off the masks and be honest with each other. We need to be vulnerable and receive vulnerability well from one another. When you share authentically and value your spouse when they do, you are creating a safe and healthy space for your relationship to flourish and grow.

Quick Tip: Remember to See the Good

Posted on by Leave a comment

Ministry gets hard sometimes. It can be critical comments from specific people. Elders and leadership making passive aggressive statements. Ineffective supervision. Lack of budget. Students not showing up. Burnout. Questioning of calling. Or whatever else is happening in your life or ministry.

Ministry is hard and when life gets hard we tend to become critical, biased, and we assume the worst. We think everyone is against us. Every comment made we take personally. We assume the worst about each situation. We believe our students don’t like us and don’t want to attend. Our hearts become calloused and we question our purpose and calling.

But what if we stopped for a moment and shifted our perspective? What if, instead of assuming the worst and only seeing the bad, we refocused and saw the good? Now I get it, that sounds easier said than done. I do not know your circumstances nor do I know your history. But we serve a good God who created this world and called it good. Yes, this is a broken and fallen world, but there is still good in it.

Instead of focusing on the bad, the frustrations, the tensions, what if you refocused and saw the good? I’m not saying we simply walk through life pretending like everything is okay. Instead I’m advocating for seeing things through a God-oriented lens that helps us to look beyond the tension and see what He sees.

For instance, maybe students weren’t paying attention during your lesson. Instead of being mad or frustrated about that, rejoice in the fact that there were students present. Rather than sit and stew in the comments made by your supervisor, seek to understand and adapt. Even if you don’t see eye to eye, continue to pursue what God has called you to and find joy in what He is doing.

Budgets or lack thereof can cause a lot of tension, but instead of seeing limitations, look to see opportunities and new ways of accomplishing what you’d like to do. Instead of allowing negative or passive aggressive comments to weigh on you, seek out godly and authentic voices in your life and rest in the truth of what they say over the rumblings and grumblings of a few. Remember that you serve God not man, and they will stand before God to give an account.

Another thing to remember as you look to see the good is to consider what good are you providing. We have an obligation to be doing good because God has called each of us to be purveyors of the Good News and to love others as He does! Therefore, we need to make sure that even if others aren’t doing or seeing good in us, we still need to be doing good and seeing good in others (yes, that includes even those who don’t do or see good in you).

Often when things aren’t going our way or difficulty abounds, we can become negative and only see the bad and wrongs in our world, our church, and in people. But when we refocus our eyes, minds, and hearts on what God’s heart is all about, it guides us back to what we should be doing: loving God and loving others.

When we focus on doing and seeing good, it re-frames how we approach things. It reshapes how we engage with others. And it reshapes our heart in a way that mirrors our Savior’s. This is not easy. Not at all. But when we approach life and relationships in this way, when we strive to see and do good as a reflection of Jesus, trust me when I say that you will begin to grow and mature in ways you have never experienced. Don’t give up, don’t get weighed down; look for the good and trust God in the process.

Quick Tip: Having Personal Boundaries

Posted on by Leave a comment

Have you ever been interrupted on your day off with something from work? Do you answer phone calls at all times or do you keep boundaries? Do you struggle to figure out what takes priority when you aren’t in-office: family or work concerns?

Please don’t hear me as being critical because I’m not. I get it. For many years I didn’t have healthy work-life boundaries. I tried to convince myself that I did but it took a mental health leave of absence to realize that I didn’t. I used to check emails and respond to them on vacation. I was always checking social media. If texts came through, I’d respond.

It was all-consuming even when I had convinced myself it wasn’t. And for those who serve in ministry, we will often struggle with finding a healthy balance. We know our calling and we care for our people, but that cannot be our only focus nor should it be. Today, I want to share a few quick ways to have healthy boundaries.

Remember the order of your priorities.

You are called first to focus on your relationship with God and your holistic health, then to focus on your family, and then focus on your ministry. When these priorities are out of order you will find yourself out of sorts as well. And when these are left in an out-of-order scope and sequence, you will find yourself fully depending on you, not on God, and your boundaries being stretched further and further.

Utilize “do not disturb” and turn off notifications on your devices.

Removing the interruption of electronics is one of the best things you can implement to help incorporate healthy boundaries. This doesn’t mean you’ll never respond, but it does remove the tension, anxiety, and pressure that comes with always being connected. When you utilize these features, you can be fully present in the moment and with those who matter most.

Take work apps off your phone.

This may be easier said than done for some because it may be a requirement. Technically a job cannot force you to have apps on your phone unless they are paying for said phone, but enough about technicalities. My point here is this: if the apps are keeping you focused on work and pulling you away from intentional moments with those closest to you or keeping you from truly resting and taking a sabbath, that is a problem. Instead, take them off of your phone or at the very least turn off the notifications. And yes, that goes for your work email too.

Screen calls and texts.

No matter what, there will be times you get calls and texts, even on your day off. But not every call or text necessitates an instantaneous response. Instead use wisdom and discernment to diagnose which calls or texts warrant a response, and decide how quick those responses should be.

Talk about and make your boundaries clear.

This is something I wish pastors and ministry leaders did more often. We must regularly and openly talk about our boundaries. If we are calling people into a holistic life-changing relationship with Jesus, we should be modeling that not just in action but also in our speech. We need to talk about how we are creating margin and looking to refresh and take sabbath because that shows our people how important it is. This then gives them permission to do the same. It also helps our people to understand that while we love and care for them, we cannot be all things to all people; only Jesus can be that. What you are doing is highlighting personal, relational, and spiritual boundaries that allow you to create rhythms and margin to be the holistic pastor and shepherd you need to be.