Tag: how to

What to Do When “Nobody” Shows Up [Part One]

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Have you ever prepared for youth group and no one came? Did you hype up a special event and only have a few people come out? Has your attendance been light or underwhelming for a while? Have students just stopped coming or found a “better” youth group to go to? Have your leaders bailed again?

For many of us, we have experienced those moments. We know the weight and defeated feelings that come with those times. We ask hard questions that come from places of hurt, doubt, and defeat. We want to know answers. We wonder if we are called to this. We wonder why we keep failing.

This past week I was pulled aside by a volunteer and this is what happened:
“Nick, we have no students down at our end.”
“Really? None?”
“Well, I mean we are really light and we don’t have many guys at all.”

I could start feeling a twinge of worry and frustration creep in. I looked over at our high school room and it was hopping. Lots of students playing 9 Square and conversations happening in the cafe. “Let’s go take a look and see what’s up.”

We started to walk over and my mind raced with reasons why middle school students wouldn’t be here. Maybe they have a play coming up, perhaps parents didn’t want to drive because it’s cold, maybe middle school needs revamping, maybe we are failing at making it fun for them. Walking into the middle school wing I immediately notice the excitement and joy of a big group of students.

“I thought you said no one was here.”
“Well, we are light on guys.”
“Really? There’s a ton playing GaGaBall.”
“Well my group is light…we only have a few.”

In that conversation I realized two things: I needed to help my leader see things differently and I needed to be mindful of my own heart and thoughts. We both jumped to conclusions from different perspectives and neither were helpful. What we need to do instead is think through a proactive approach to these situations and how we can love and lead well during even in times of tension.

Be mindful of your attitude.

This is a big part of handling these moments well. We need to be discerning and thinking about our thoughts and hearts. What is going through your mind? What is prompting those thoughts and emotions? How are you reflecting that outwardly? When numbers are low or non-existent do you convey that with how you talk and act? Do you walk as someone defeated or do you approach this with thoughtfulness and a willingness to think creatively? Our attitudes are a reflection of our heart and mind and we need to guard those in these moments to protect ourselves and reflect Jesus even when it’s difficult.

Be mindful of your speech.

Sometimes in these moments it’s easy to say things like, “No one’s here,” or “Where is everyone,” or “Why aren’t your friends here?” Said to leaders these types of phrases can be discouraging; said to students they can be crippling. When we say these things to students they hear that they don’t matter, or their friends are more important.

Instead of asking where “everyone” is or bemoaning the lack of attendance, perhaps it would be better to intentionally engage with the students who are there and to follow up with the ones who weren’t. I would also recommend staying away from terms like “No one is here,” “Everyone is gone,” or “There’s never anyone here.” These terms and others like them deal with extremes and don’t allow for any wiggle room or truth to come through.

Be mindful of your body language.

So often our emotions, whether good or bad, are reflected through our body language. If we are feeling defeated or sad or frustrated, it will be reflected in how we stand, sit, and even in how we teach. Instead of reflecting negatively or expressing tension, pause and ask God for peace and hope as you engage during those tough moments. Seek to reflect joy and peace to the people who are present, especially as you reflect Jesus to them.

Remember your calling.

These moments can be debilitating in numerous ways. They often cause us to doubt if we are in the right place, serving how we should be serving, and if this is actually the calling we once believed it was. The enemy loves to cause us to doubt and question if the calling God has given to us is legitimate, and it is in moments like these where we need to lean into Jesus and remind ourselves of what He has called us to.

We need to trust in God in moments of difficulty and doubt, and remember that He is faithful. God didn’t call us into an easy role, but He did promise us that we’d never be in it alone. We need to remember whose we are as we remember who we are and what we are called to. God called you into this role and you have a calling to be faithful with what you have been given to care for and steward.

Join us next week when we continue this conversation with part two!

How to Host Intentional Events

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Yesterday Elise and I watched the Super Bowl from the comfort of our own home as we relaxed, ate snacks, and enjoyed the commercials and Taylor Swift commentary. That wasn’t always the case though. We were reflecting this past week about how at our prior church we hosted a massive “Big Game” party.

We provided wings, pizza, and snacks. We brought in a mobile laser tag company. We had inflatables going all night long. There was a dodge ball tournament and few rooms down we had Just Dance going. We had the Big Game going in a room filled with couches and comfy seating. We also incorporated a lesson at halftime for our students. And that was just during the game.

Prior to we had all the organization and set up. We were attempting to pre-screen all the commercials. We were ordering all the food and connecting with the companies who were bringing in our event items. And we were organizing prizes for our annual game day quiz.

But do you know what this party actually lacked? Intentionality. The only real purpose this party had was just that: to be a party. Students would invite their friends and attend, but there was very little spiritual reward for the amount of effort, time, and work that went into it. We rarely saw new students return, students weren’t focused on the lesson, leaders were frustrated by how intense and long the event was, and no one really got to watch the game.

In many ways, it was discouraging in the moment and now reflecting back it has challenged us to be more intentional in how we plan, organize, and run events. So how do you actually host intentional parties or events?

Align with your mission and vision.

This is a big part to any event or gathering that you host. I’m ashamed to admit that it took me a long time to get to this point but once I understood it, it radically altered my approach and methodology to ministry. Aligning your mission and vision with what you do helps your ministry to drive home what you’re seeking to replicate and cultivate.

Our vision is this: to be an encouraging community of disciples who are sent to build the kingdom of God. That means we will say yes to events that help us build out our vision of disciple-making. On the flip side it means we will say no to other things. That doesn’t mean we don’t like them or that they don’t serve a purpose. We are simply saying we are seeking to align with our mission and vision and that is what drives us. This point will help you focus on what you are doing by giving you purpose and direction, and it will also shape the identity of your ministry.

Have a stated purpose and goal.

This goes hand-in-hand with the previous point. While you may have the understanding that the event you’re hosting aligns with your vision, does everyone else? Do your leaders know? What about the students and their families? I’m not saying you need to write out a thesis statement for each thing you do, but by providing a purpose and goal you’re helping to bring clarity, understanding, and direction to your ministry.

It could be something as simple as putting a line in your newsletter explaining the event and what your hope is for it. It could be announcing it to your students and leaders at youth group. Or it could be something you share at a training for your leaders. Outlining the goal and purpose will provide understanding and clarity for your group.

Generate buy-in.

This is really important when it comes to hosting events. If you and your leaders aren’t excited and talking about your event why would you expect your students to be excited? Your excitement and attitude is key to generating buy-in, but you can also do this by empowering your students to be the voice for your ministry.

If students are excited and participating in the event, let them be the vocal supporters and challenge them to invite their friends. Also, look to create unique elements to your events that are outside of the normal everyday programming that you host. Whether it’s a competition, prizes, different snacks, or something else, look to bring in different elements that will excite and engage your students and their peers.

Incorporate students.

Just as we said with the previous point, students are essential to the success of intentional events. Having their buy-in is huge, but so is utilizing their gifts and having them help facilitate the event. Students are amazing leaders and if you give them the opportunity they will seize it and do great things. Bring them in, hear their ideas, incorporate their suggestions, allow them to thrive and fail, and see what God will do in and through them.

Utilize the church body.

Crafting spaces for inter-generational relationship opportunities and community to occur will help your intentional events thrive. We have an amazing older couple who faithfully serve in our cafe each week and at any event that has food. They embody the love of Jesus as they smile and engage with students, even going so far as stopping what they are doing to sit and listen to a student who is having a bad week.

These type of volunteers and others in your church can show students the love of Jesus and help foster a true inter-generational church atmosphere. This will do wonders to help your church grow and mature. It may take time and effort on your part to create these moments and challenge the church to step up, but keep beating that drum and pray for God to awaken the church toward this vital mission.

Create space for connection and community.

Whatever your event, creating opportunities for community and connections is key. There will always be students who desire quieter spaces and opportunities to engage in conversations. So having places for those opportunities will help to create a successful event. It can just be some couches or tables and chairs that have games, coloring books, or activities, but that are situated in a way that encourages conversations. These spaces will help everyone feel valued and seen and provide a place for people to be refreshed and encouraged.

What are the priorities you seek to embody at your events?

8 Keys to Building a Successful Student Ministry

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This is probably not going to be the post that you are thinking. This isn’t a post about achieving notoriety, building a massive youth ministry program, and becoming an international speaker who is generating revenue off of their student ministry book sales.

None of that is inherently wrong nor should we look with disdain at those who are currently doing those things. But that isn’t the way to measure if your ministry is successful or not. If that is the standard by which we are measuring success, then the vast majority of us are failing in our roles.

So how do we measure the success of our ministries? Success isn’t measurable by the size of your budget or how many students attend or by your personal speaking engagements. Success is measured by whether your students know Jesus and if they are pursuing Him; that is the definition of a flourishing program.

I am not saying that if you put all the steps in this post into action your ministry will change overnight. In fact, I’d probably argue that it’ll take a good chunk of time for a ministry to change. But I can tell you that if you follow these steps, if you put in the heavy lifting, and if you focus on where God has planted you, you will begin to see change. Over time, you will look back and see where God has brought you from and be able to get excited about where He is leading you.

1. Listen well and listen to learn.

So often we can jump into a ministry (especially one we are just starting in) and look to make a ton of changes right away. Nothing is wrong with change, but when you don’t take the time to listen and learn, you may actually make changes that could be more harmful than good. This philosophy applies holistically to our ministries.

I’m not arguing for inaction or to crawl along hoping change will come, but instead I would challenge you to listen well and listen to learn. Be intentional and relational. Listen to your people. Get to know their hearts. Ask good, thoughtful questions and seek to understand. The better you listen the better your ministry will be because you are not valuing just the ministry, you’re valuing the people who make the ministry.

2. Be yourself.

One thing I see all too often is youth workers trying to emulate a popular figure in their circles or a noted pastor. This doesn’t work. In a world where students are bombarded with inauthenticity every day in every circumstance, they are craving truth and authenticity. They want the real you! They want to know you and see who you are. The more that you are yourself, the more students will begin to trust and relate to you. God has uniquely designed and crafted you to reach your students so be who you are created to be.

3. Love boldly.

Students are looking for people who will love them for who they are and will continue to love them even when they mess up. The more that you can love your students and in doing so, show them the love of Jesus, the stronger your ministry will become. Love well, love boldly, and love your students like Jesus loves them and you will begin to see change.

4. Focus on discipleship and spiritual formation.

This is a part of youth ministry that took me a long time to understand and implement. I’m ashamed to admit that I was more focused on the fun element and didn’t really dig into discipleship and spiritual formation. But over the last ten years, I have seen that the methodology of Jesus (small group discipleship) works and students flourish with it.

It isn’t just doing small groups though; it’s about sharing life and showing our students how to engage in their relationship with Jesus in all parts of their lives. It’s helping them grow as Christ-followers and develop healthy spiritual rhythms that help them to become more mature disciples.

5. Don’t see limitations, see your potential and opportunities.

So often it is easy to think in terms of what we don’t have or wish we did have. While we can recognize that some groups may have things we do not, simply thinking in those terms aren’t helpful. If we only think about our limitations we will never see what we can be and what God can do. We will be stifled and hindered if we approach ministry by what we don’t have. But if we see what God has given us it allows us to focus our energies and craft a workable vision. Be willing to see what you do have and the potential opportunities you have to grow and pour into your community.

6. Build networks.

This is key because it helps you to grow and generate new ideas, but it also provides potential for your students to have cross-pollination and to see the other students who follow Jesus in their community. Building networks will give you access to not just new ideas but also may allow you to move past your limitations and share resources and ideas. Networks are a great way to build resources, community, and fellowship for you and your students.

7. Admit mistakes and be willing to try and fail.

Two things I wish I’d learned early in my career were how to admit when I messed up and at the same time, be willing to take risks and try new things even if it meant I would fail. Sometimes we only keep the status quo because it’s safe and feels comfortable, but if we are challenging ourselves to try new things and take risks we could see great rewards come about. But we will still fail, and one way you can lead out in this is showing your students it’s okay to fail and owning it when you do. Showing your students how leaders respond to mistakes is huge and will help them to see that they can trust you because you’re authentic and real.

8. Keep learning and growing.

The best thing you can do for your ministry is to keep learning and growing as a youth leader. The more you grow and mature as a leader, the more your ministry will grow and mature along with you. By being a leader who highlights growth and maturity, you are highlighting someone that students will want to follow. You will also grow and learn new things you can implement and utilize to bless and care for your students as you strive to better yourself.

How to Handle Getting Fired

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Disclaimer: This post is not a reflection of anything happening currently in our lives. It instead is a response to seeing numerous people share about being let go immediately following this holiday season and over the start of the new year.

Over the course of my adult life, I have been fired or let go twice. Once was from a non-ministry job where I was told, “I’m letting you go so you can go find a job in ministry somewhere.” Mind you, I didn’t have a job to go to and was a couple weeks out from getting married. The second was from a ministry position. I was the low man on the totem pole and was told I had hit my glass ceiling and was done. Thankfully, a mentor advocated on my behalf and negotiated for me to stay on until I could find a new job so we could continue to pay our bills and make ends meet.

I share this with you not to gain sympathy but to highlight that I get it. I have had multiple conversations with friends and peers who are going through difficult moments of transition. I’ve heard the stories of when those moments are handled well and handled poorly. The emotions that are felt in those times are raw, honest, tense, and reflective of our passion for reaching students and our communities.

The truth is that we can respond either poorly or proactively in those moments, and I can say I have responded in both ways during those two circumstances. My emotions have gotten the better of me, my Jersey boy sarcasm has made appearances, and I have also responded out of hurt and pain. But in the other circumstance I responded well and didn’t let my emotions drive me, and handled it with maturity and respect.

As I have been hearing the stories from my friends and peers, I became acutely aware that no one ever wants to be fired and rarely are we expecting it. But the truth of the matter is some, if not all, of us will experience this at some point. It doesn’t have to be because you did something wrong or weren’t a good employee. It could be due to budget cuts, church issues, or leadership transitions.

The truth that we need to grapple with is this: are we prepared should this happen to us? I’m not arguing that we should live in fear or angst, but instead should be thinking through how we respond in difficult moments and how are we protecting our hearts and minds. That’s the goal of today’s post, to help us be proactive and willing to grow and prepare should this moment arise in our ministry career.

Be mindful of your emotions and responses.

Let’s just be honest with one another. Emotions are going to be high and tense in these moments. We go through all the feelings and our minds are racing. It is easy to run with knee-jerk responses, to respond out of anger, frustration, disbelief, and hurt. But often when we do respond from those places, we respond poorly and say things that are hurtful and things we will regret.

Instead, my encouragement is for you to be mindful of your emotions and responses. A great way to work through this in the moment is to pause before you respond. Count to 10 and make sure you are breathing and not just gearing up for a fight. Pause and offer a quick prayer for discernment, grace, and a proper response.

Another helpful response would be to ask for time to process and continue the conversation when appropriate. This doesn’t always work out, nor is it always appropriate or even applicable. But it is a way to allow space to make sure you have gotten your mind and heart in check and it affords you an opportunity to process. A few encouragements I would offer are to not respond from anger, don’t attack or accuse, and seek to understand and respond as Christ would.

Be thoughtful and Christ-honoring in how you speak of things and people.

I am not saying you shouldn’t speak the truth about what happened, but let’s be real: it’s easy to allow our emotions and tensions to drive us toward gossip, bitterness, and playing the victim. I’m not saying that you weren’t treated poorly, nor am I saying you aren’t the victim in this circumstance. But we–as is true of all people–are prone to presenting a skewed approach and perspective, because receiving encouragement and having people take our side feels good and vindicating.

Instead, what I am challenging all us to do is to be mindful of what we say and how we say it. Don’t badmouth the church or its leaders. Don’t try to draw sides or seek to further divide the church. And remember that while what happened may be unfair, cruel, and just completely wrong, you can still speak about others and the church in a manner that honors Christ. Truth can still be spoken, but be thoughtful about how, why, when, and to whom you say it.

One of the best ways this has been explained to me is to think about concentric circles. Think of your closest group of friends and confidantes. They are the inner most circle, the ones you can share almost everything if not everything with (spouse, best friends, etc.). Now imagine a second circle that is placed around the first circle but is slightly larger. This represents a different group. This may be friends, people in a small group, or volunteers. For this group you can share information and what happened but you don’t share as much because they aren’t as close to you. This continues outward until it encompasses all the appropriate people. The further out the circles go, the less you share with them. This is not because you don’t value them or want them to know, but everyone doesn’t need to know all the details.

Ask thoughtful questions.

In these moments you can ask clarifying questions and seek understanding for why things are progressing in this manner and where they go from here. Ask why you’re being let go if it hasn’t been stated. Look for clarity into what could have been done differently for all parties. Seek to understand the timeline and compensation if there is any.

I am not saying you will get the answers and responses you want, and there may be times you don’t get any answers. But being able to pose questions will help you to process and prayerfully gain insight. Another way to go about this, especially if you are an internal processor, is to ask for 24 hours to think on everything and to come back with questions. Depending on your office environment and leadership this may or may not happen, but if they’ll allow it, you would have time and space to work through your questions as you seek clarity.

Bring in an advocate.

If you think you are being treated unfairly or unjustly, consider bringing in an advocate to help you move through this transition. It could be a trusted supervisor, a mentor, or even a pastor from another church. I will say this: be mindful of how you approach this. It isn’t often that people will have a heads up that they are getting fired, so you may not be able to bring an advocate to the plenary meeting. Instead, what you can do is ask to meet again and to bring someone with you to help you process and work through everything.

I will be honest with you and say that this approach depends on the leadership and also how you respond in the first meeting. If leadership truly is leading well and seeking to handle this situation in a God-honoring manner, then they will be more open to engaging in this way. But it is also dependent upon you. Your attitude and response in that first meeting is key. If you respond out of anger or talk about the leadership after the meeting in a way that causes more tension and heartache, they will be less inclined to meet with you.

Do not contribute to church dissension.

It is so easy in these moments to paint ourselves as the victim and to seek to rally our supporters to our side. And yes, many of us have been and will be victims of broken leadership and we will want to know people support us and see that it wasn’t fair. That is the reality of the human condition. But what isn’t right or okay is contributing to the brokenness or increasing it.

We should seek to be part of the solution and not part of the problem, striving to live in a Christlike manner and to reflect that to the people around us. That doesn’t mean you need to lie or pretend like everything is okay. But it does mean you can speak with tact, grace, and compassion. This isn’t easy, believe me, I know. But seeking to help churches heal and grow instead of contributing to the tension and ongoing brokenness will be helpful for the people you care for.

Preparing Leaders for Trips

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Our winter retreat is coming up in a few short weeks and we are taking our biggest group yet to camp. Of course that means we need plenty of leaders to go with us to care for our students as they shepherd them in the disciple-making process.

I’m a little embarrassed to admit that it took me a substantial amount of time to actually host meetings and training sessions for leaders going on trips. I used to simply ask leaders to show up 15-30 minutes before students on the day of departure and would try to cover all the bases in that short time span. Over time I came to realize that those types of meetings didn’t cover all the details, weren’t intentional, and lacked clarity and relationship.

In the past few years we have begun hosting meetings and training for all of our trips even weekend ones to help prepare, guide, equip, and love on our leaders. Today, I’m sharing what we incorporate into our meetings for our weekend trips and how we empower our leaders to lead and shepherd well. I would suggest everything you talk through be put into a folder for each leader and also put into digital form where applicable.

Talk through expectations.

Expectations should incorporate what you are asking of your leaders. This should include expectations for when you’re traveling, stopping at places along the way, and at the camp. Think bigger than just what you want of your leaders on a normal youth group night, and think through what you’re asking of them throughout the entirety of the trip. You will need them to help with respecting drivers and their vehicles, honoring the places you stop at like gas stations or restaurants, and respecting the rules and guidance of the camp.

Talk through logistics.

Have you ever gone to a camp that you’ve never been to before? Did you feel overwhelmed? Were you trying to figure out where everything was? Did you know the schedule or were you trying to figure that out on the fly? If that’s how you felt, imagine how your leaders felt.

Preparing our leaders for what to expect is key. Take time to talk through what the camp is like, hand out a map if applicable, talk through what the camp offers, the structure of the weekend, departure and arrival times, cabin assignments, small group expectations, lights out, free time requirements of leaders, first aid, meal times, packing lists for leaders, and cleanup. Anything that will help your leaders feel comfortable and acclimated to your space is key and necessary to go over.

Go over the schedule.

I extremely dislike showing up to a meeting, trip, speaking engagement, or really anywhere that I have a role in, without knowing what is happening. The same can be said for our leaders and by not setting them up for success we are setting them up to fail. So take time to walk through the schedule. Highlight key things that are required. Talk through free time options. Walk through lights out and meal times. All of these aspects will help set your leaders up for success and allow them to communicate well with their students. I would also suggest having a printed schedule and a digital one for your leaders to utilize.

Talk about the location.

This is huge especially if you’re at a location that is a bit more spread out. Our winter camp is fairly spread out for free time activities and when we arrive at the camp in the evening the outdoor lighting isn’t great. So being able to show your leaders a map of the camp and explain where everything is will help them feel more comfortable and prepared for the trip.

Provide guidance for small groups.

Our winter camp doesn’t provide small group questions until we arrive on-site. For our leaders that doesn’t work because they have been trained to expect questions and guidance for groups at least 24-48 hours ahead of time. Because we know we won’t get the questions ahead of time, we build out generic small group questions and guidance for the groups to work through. This at least provides our leaders with some tools and resources to move through the small group time.

We make sure each small group knows where they are meeting and how to get there from the worship hall. We also provide guidance for how long to meet and make sure they are aware that it’s okay to go longer than the predetermined time. Another thing we tell our leaders is that there are additional Bibles, pens, notebooks, devotional guides, and new Christian resources for them as needed for their groups.

Bless your leaders.

We have talked before about blessing leaders when we go on trips, and I cannot stress enough how important this is. It is a way to value and care for them as you recognize their sacrifice of leading their students. We typically do gift bags with essentials for the trip (Advil, Advil PM, hand warmers, lip balm, and earplugs) coupled with various treats and snacks. But it doesn’t have to incorporate all of these things. Sometimes the best way to bless leaders could be a handwritten note, a gift certificate to the camp snack bar, a Starbucks gift card or bringing them their favorite drink, or even having lunch for them. The purpose of blessing your leaders is to show love, care, and intentionality, so however you choose to do this, it will be well received.

Spend time praying together.

This is a key part to helping prepare our leaders for trips. We take time to pray for our students who are going, the camp, the speaker and worship team, for our leaders, needed conversations, and for God to work powerfully during our trip. Typically we pray as small groups at round tables and then come back together for someone from our team to pray over all of our leaders who are going on the trip.

How do you help to prepare your leaders for your trips?

Helping Your Group Prepare for a Trip

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Our winter retreat is coming up toward the end of this month, and we are so excited to be taking our students and leaders to a place we know and love. In thinking about how we gear up and plan for trips, I reflected on how the ways we prepare have grown and evolved during our time in ministry.

As the ministry leader, it’s often easy to assume we know what needs to be shared, posted, and explained, but I’ve learned during my time in ministry that what I think is correct and needed isn’t what our people need. Listening to leaders, students, and families has helped our team understand what is needed and seek to communicate it better.

Today’s post is designed to help you think about how best to prepare your group for trips. It is important to think critically about what is communicated, how it is communicated, and to whom it is communicated. Here are some ways we have learned and developed to help do just that.

Post on social media.

We typically post about upcoming trips and departure times, but in the past few years we’ve started creating posts on Canva and sharing things like packing lists and important details for the trip. Other great things to post on social media include departure times and details; photos during the trip; prayer requests before, during, and after the trip; and return times. In order for this to be the most effective, it is important to remind parents that you will be posting helpful information on your various channels to communicate effectively.

Host leader meetings.

When we host these meetings we try to keep them to an hour max, right after church when most of our leaders are present. We walk through what the weekend will look like, explain the schedule, talk about expectations, outline small group time, and more. We talk through what to expect, how the camp is laid out, who will be in what cabins, and our rules and the camp rules.

We also give out gift bags to help make the trip a bit more bearable. These gift bags have snacks, drinks, coffee, Advil and Advil PM, lip balm, a flashlight, hand warmers, and other necessities for a trip in the winter with students. Typically our camps don’t provide discussion questions for small group time until we arrive, so we also curate some generic questions for our leaders to help them guide their group in a discussion. We also make sure to answer any questions our leaders have and to spend time praying together for our trip.

Email families.

This is a big one and helps to get communication out in a timely manner. We send emails with departure and return info, packing lists, what to expect, links to the camp website, contact info for our team, and other helpful information. The key to these emails is sending them well in advance of when people need the info and sending follow up emails as your departure gets closer.

Make announcements.

I don’t often suggest making multiple announcements to students because they frequently forget about them. But when we spend time and highlight the importance of the announcement it allows us to communicate what needs to be heard. For our students we highlight key things like departure time, packing lists, and what to expect. These key aspects are highly important and allow our students to hear what is necessary for them leading up to the trip.

Have supplies ready.

This is important for both leaders and students. We equip our leaders with mini first aid kits (we have larger ones in specific areas or with specific leaders), camp maps, full itineraries, and anything else they may need (see above). We also have snack totes, game totes, and a resource tote with Bibles, pens, notebooks, and other items that we tell our leaders about and where they will be located. For our students, we let them know that we have additional toiletries (think travel section at your local dollar store) if they forgot anything, a few extra pairs of winter gloves and hats, and of course Bibles, pens, and notebooks.

Wait to make cabin assignments.

This is specifically for students and families. We used to release cabin assignments before the trip and this often led to parents and students trying to change assignments for a variety of reasons. Trying to change assignments can be messy and difficult, but it will also add more complexity and frustration for you as the planner. Instead, we only share cabin assignments with leaders ahead of time, and tell students where they will be when they arrive for check-in.

Now I will say this: we try very hard to keep friends and small groups together and overall we do a great job at this. This has caused families to trust our decisions. When they do ask for a change we take it on an individual basis and assess the request and reasoning before working to change anything.

Have a list of departure announcements ready.

This is more for you as the key leader of the trip. Having a list of announcements to run through will help you expedite the departure and also remember the key things that need to be stated. We highlight treating our drivers with respect, cleaning up the vehicles, treating the camp and their staff well, listening to leaders, following rules, and not taking prohibited items including phones (we will hold them for students but not charge them to help them be intentional in their time at camp).

Last Minute Christmas Party Games

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It’s the week before Christmas and for some of us, that means taking a break from ministry for a week or two. But there are other ministries that keep going and may be meeting sometime this week for their Christmas party. If you are in the latter category and looking for some easy, quick, and little-prep games for your party, you’ve come to the right place.

Let’s face it: we’ve all had a moment where for whatever reason, our event and activities have been placed on the back burner. That’s not a reflection of you or your heart, but it sometimes happens. And right now you may feel pressed for time and wondering if you’ll even be able to pull this party off because you still need a great Christmas message and games may not be your thing. It happens, we’ve all been there or will be there. This post is meant to help you have a great Christmas party for your students, or maybe even show up at your staff party as the hero with fun activities, or give you something fun to do when all of the family is over during the holidays. So here are some quick and easy Christmas party game ideas.

An easy Christmas scavenger hunt.

We have written about scavenger hunts in the past where we have used Scavr. This is not what I am suggesting. That takes a lot of back end work and would completely bog down any prep time you have this week. Think of this in the classic “Bring Me” style game but instead of doing it one item at a time, it’s a scavenger hunt where students either have to physically collect items or take photos of them. It could also have various elements like “have a group take a video singing Christmas carols in front of a manger,” “take a group picture by Christmas lights,” or “have your group dress up as wise men.” Including elements that are within your church and relatable to your church will help make this game relatively easy and successful.

Charades or reverse charades.

Charades is always a fun group game to utilize where you have a group of people guessing the action of an individual. This can be played in head-to-head fashion with multiple teams competing against each other, or if you have a smaller group it can be played all together with your group guessing the actions of one individual at a time.

Another fun way to play this game is reversing the function of the game: the group will act out the action while one person or only a couple of people guess. This allows for your group to be a little more creative and to craft a scene. I would suggest giving your groups around 30-60 seconds to come up with a plan if you are doing reverse charades. The scenes that you are utilizing should be Christmas-focused and could be Christmas movies, winter/Christmas activities, Christmas carols, or Christmas stories.

Christmas Scattergories.

Scattergories is a great game regardless of the time of year. It can be utilized in a smaller group where individuals play against one another. Or larger groups can be broken into small groups competing together, or even as a head-to-head style game where competitors go back and forth on answering. Regardless of how you run this game, think about different categories you can use to make the game more Christmasy.

Here are a few ideas to get you going: Christmas movies, Christmas songs, Christmas food items, Christmas characters, stocking stuffers, Christmas activities, Christmas traditions, something at the North Pole, gifts, or Christmas decorations. This is a game that is sure to produce lots of laughs and some spirited debates. But as long as you can keep it moving and see that your crew is having fun, the longer you can lean on this game to help make your Christmas party a blast.

PowerPoint Games.

Download Youth Ministry has a bunch of PowerPoint games available on their website, and I’ll be honest with saying these have saved me in many circumstances. There are all different styles of games and they can be utilized in a variety of ways depending on your group size and dynamic. Most of these will need to be paid for, but they are totally worth it. My advice would be to purchase games that have a higher review rating and ones that will connect with your group.

Christmas tree or Christmas present decorating.

Now I know what you’re thinking: why would we have our students decorate a tree or wrap a present? But hear me out: what if the tree or present was a student or leader? Right?! Now you’ve given your group the challenge to decorate someone in the most festive way possible and this is easily accomplished by purchasing (or finding) some gift wrap, bows, tinsel, tape, and maybe a few other additional items.

Another fun piece to include if you’re going with the gift idea is to get some larger boxes to wrap your people up in. Let your group go crazy with how they decorate their people and then up the ante by having them walk a runway and have a teammate explain their creativity. Another quick tip: purchasing these items can be done in an inexpensive way by shopping at a dollar store or Walmart or in a pinch purchasing online on Amazon.

Ways You Can Show Pastoral Care

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An unexpected phone call that lasts for an hour. The random office drop-by that should have only been fifteen minutes but has now exceeded more than an hour. Helping the individual who stops by to seek aid from your church. The call from the school stating they need crisis counselors. Being the on-call person when someone requests visitation. Handling the untimely death of a church member.

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? Have you had to deal with one of these moments or perhaps multiple ones? Schooling and training can help prepare you with knowledge and skill sets, and they will often try to help you grow, sharpen, and embrace your pastoral heart. When these moments happen though, often we can feel lost, scared, and unprepared. The question we need to consider is how do we engage these moments as shepherds and care for the people that God has placed in our care.

We must be prepared to love and care for people well. This is something that Jesus modeled and called His disciples to embrace. We are to care for the hurting, the broken, and the forgotten. We have the privilege of being the hands and feet of Jesus in how we love and care for our people. Today, I want to share with you a few ways that you can show the pastoral care that Jesus modeled to the people under your care.

Listen well.

When you’re listening to someone, how do you listen? Are you listening just for key phrases? Are you listening to find a solution or to fix the problem? Are you listening to hear them, empathize with them, and to offer guidance? I don’t say this because any of those styles of listening are wrong, but to challenge us to think about how we listen.

If someone’s talking to us and sharing their struggles and pain, and all we do is look for a solution they are going to feel dismissed and not cared for. If you’re only listening for key phrases the individual won’t feel seen or understood because you may miss the intricacies of their struggles. Listening well will show love and care, as well as validate and humanize the person you’re talking to as they share their struggles.

Ask clarifying questions.

This goes hand-in-hand with listening well. In order to engage and care for the people under your care you need to be listening and asking good questions. That doesn’t mean jumping in mid-sentence but instead it might involve you writing down your questions to engage with the person further after they finish their thought. Questions help the person feel seen and heard, and by asking thoughtful and clarifying questions you are validating that individual and showing them that you care.

Empathize and sympathize.

Emotions are a gift from God and based upon who He is. Throughout Scripture we see a God who shows anger, a God who delights in His creation, a God who mourns, and so many other emotions. In fact, simply studying the life of Jesus will highlight how important emotions are for shepherds.

When Jesus goes to see His friend Lazarus who is ill and suddenly passes, we see how deeply this affects Jesus when Mary approaches Him. Jesus doesn’t dismiss her cares. He doesn’t say, “Don’t you know what God can do” or, “Just trust God, He will get you through this.” And He doesn’t just sit by passively. He grieves. He embraces the hurt and pain that His friends are experiencing and He steps into it willingly with them. This is a beautiful picture of the privilege we have as shepherds to walk with and be in the midst of the difficult moments with our people. Showing empathy and sympathy helps people to know we care and understand but it also validates the pain and difficulty they are experiencing.

I will caution you with this: don’t fake it or embellish it. Nothing could harm your ministry to that person more in that moment than faking a response or trying to make it a show. People can sniff out someone who is faking it very quickly and it will feel dehumanizing and mocking toward that person. Instead, embrace your personality and seek to show empathy and sympathy in appropriate ways that reflect who you are as you shepherd your people.

Be fully present.

Let’s be honest: it’s easy to get distracted sometimes. Our minds wander and we may start to fidget with different items. Or if we are on the phone with someone maybe we start to scroll through the internet or draft an email. But put yourself in the other person’s shoes: how would you feel if someone did that to you? Better yet, how would you feel if you could know the other person’s thoughts and whether or not they were paying attention as you shared your hurt and pain with them? It wouldn’t feel good and would probably make you stop sharing and walk out.

When we are listening to people we need to be fully present. Don’t allow distractions to occupy your time, don’t daydream or be elsewhere in your mind, don’t look at your watch or phone, and don’t do something else while listening. Be present and engaged. Focus on what the individual is sharing. Maintain eye contact. Ask clarifying questions. By doing this you are wholly engaging with them and showing them that they and their circumstances are important.

Pray for and with them.

One of the most important things you can do when someone comes for guidance and care is to pray with them. This doesn’t simply have to be at the end but can be throughout the time together. Regardless of when you incorporate this, make sure your prayer reflects what was shared, embraces the emotions that were displayed, validates that individual, and seeks guidance and comfort from God. Prayers should be intentional and reflect what was discussed, and they should also incorporate requests fromthe individual. Praying for peace, guidance and direction, for hope, for forgiveness, or whatever else is needed is key.

Be willing to give up time.

This is a tough point to make because the reality is we could give up all of our time and sacrifice other relationships and priorities easily because we will rationalize that it is for ministry purposes and therefore is correct to do. What I am not advocating for is consistently sacrificing other priorities and relationships, but making thoughtful and intentional choices when it comes to caring for your people.

You may need to skip or delay another meeting. Perhaps you need to text your spouse that you’ll be leaving a little later. Maybe message prep gets put on the back burner. Your lunch plans may be canceled. Weighing the importance is key and we must be willing to give up time even when it isn’t opportune. As shepherds, we must be willing to care for our sheep even when it isn’t ideal or convenient.

Follow through.

I’m horrible with remembering to do things. In fact, if you were to ask our volunteers does Nick remember things you tell him on a youth group night, they would say, “Only if we text him or email him.” When there’s tons of things going on, I will most likely forget something. In order to remember things I need to write them down or put a reminder in my phone.

This practice is also important when we care for our people. If you say you are going to pray for them, make sure you do. If you promise to reach out to them, set a reminder so you follow through on that promise. If you say you will connect them with counselors or assistance, do that as soon as you can. Following through shows our people that it wasn’t just a one-off conversation, but instead it is an ongoing opportunity to love and care for your people.

6 Tips for Conducting a Review

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Have you ever had a review? How did it go? Were you surprised, caught off guard, upset, encouraged, challenged, strengthened, or something else?

I started off by asking if you have had a review because for many people in ministry they haven’t. For whatever reason, reviews aren’t common place in the ministry world but they should be. Reviews aren’t meant to be something that only happens in the secular world but also in ministry because a proper review should encourage, sharpen, challenge, and guide us toward being better versions of ourselves as we seek to emulate and reflect Jesus.

Regardless of whether or not you have received a review, you should be willing to offer reviews to the people you shepherd. Doing so not only helps you to grow as a leader and supervisor, it’s a way to empower, strengthen, and develop your teammates as they continue to serve Christ and His church.

But the question remains: how do you offer reviews that aren’t feared or perceived with negativity and hesitation? Today I want to offer some ideas on how to handle reviews well. This isn’t foolproof but simply ideas and structure that I have learned and grown to understand during my time in ministry.

1. Make it relational.

This is not something that we think about in the corporate realm. If you work outside the church and get a review it typically feels more authoritarian in style. This isn’t necessarily a bad approach, but it does feel very top down. Ministry is usually more relational in its approach of caring for and shepherding people. Even in a leadership role we tend to lean more into the relationship- and discipleship-oriented approach, and we should utilize that approach in review settings. When you approach a review with a focus on the relationship, it allows you to lovingly guide, shape, and develop your team while building a strong foundation on which your team can move forward.

2. Remember that nothing in a review should be a surprise.

This is something I’ve learned as I have grown in my role as a supervisor. A review isn’t a time to surprise your team with corrective actions or critiques that they knew nothing about. That isn’t being a good supervisor, that’s being an authoritarian who isn’t willing to walk with their team but instead just wants to have control. Being able to support your team and challenge them throughout the year is a great way to show your team that you are for them. That way, their review isn’t intimidating or scary but a way of continuing to be for them, help to grow, and be sharpened.

3. Seek to encourage and challenge.

This typically is the big piece of a review, right? We know that reviews typically have aspects of encouragement and things your people do well, but then there’s the critiquing piece where we highlight growth areas. My two cents on this: one, nothing is ever a surprise and two, I lean heavier into the encouragement piece.

Most people hate reviews because we tend to bookend them (i.e. here’s a good thing, followed by a negative thing, finished with a positive thing) and the negative piece is the primary focus. Our team shouldn’t be surprised by the growth aspects because we should be walking with them all the time and seeking to challenge them. Therefore, I utilize reviews to remind my team of growth areas but truly seek to emphasize the encouragement. I want to highlight what they are doing well, where they have grown, and I want them to know they are making a difference. Yes, there will be a time to challenge and correct, but a review shouldn’t be the first time your teammate hears about it. Instead, a review should remind someone of growth areas and ways you’ve seen them improve.

4. Ask how you can better serve them.

This is a big part of my review process. When it comes to supervising individuals, we know that people have different personalities, different ways of receiving feedback, and different ways of being encouraged. No two people are the same and part of our role as supervisors should be understanding how to engage with our people as we seek to lead them well.

So ask how you can serve them better and use what they say as an opportunity to show care, love, and leadership. If there’s ways they ask for you to walk with them, be intentional about following through. If they share that they don’t need as much guidance in their job, step back and allow them to run with their role. By asking this question and listening to their response you will be better able to serve and lead your team.

5. Pray for them.

Part of facilitating a relational review is showing your team that you truly care about them. And one of the best ways you can do this is to ask how you can be praying for them, spend time praying for them, and follow up with them. Taking the time to do this and being intentional with these moments will truly help you to be a better shepherd who is intentionally pouring into and walking with your people.

6. Ask how you can be a better supervisor.

This is something I have started doing during the reviews I give to my team. Usually when I say this to other supervisors they look at me like I’m crazy. But hear me out: even as supervisors we have room to grow, and the ones who see those areas most are the people under our care. This not only shows your team that you are for them but also that you can hear critiques and grow. This also allows you to care for them better because you get to hear how they receive care and correction, and it provides you with more insight and ways to grow.

How do you seek to make your reviews intentional and helpful for your team?

How to Pick a Guest Speaker

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We’ve all been there at some point in our careers: on the lookout for a guest speaker. It may be finding someone to share on a youth group night or Sunday morning, looking for a camp speaker, having someone speak at a retreat or DNOW weekend, or having someone who can cover for you when your sick. We know the pains and difficulties that can go into finding a speaker who aligns with our ministry. We especially know those feelings if we have had a speaker who isn’t great or doesn’t connect with your group.

The reality is that we will need to find speakers who can engage with our students and fulfill the mission and vision we are seeking to implement in our group setting. But the are many details and questions we need to consider when it comes to doing so, because we want to approach this with intentionality, passion, and faith to make sure we choose the best possible speaker for our group. Today I want share some tips on how you can do this well and show care to all involved.

Be clear with what you’re seeking.

As someone who has spoken at different venues, one of the most frustrating things is when the expectations and directions aren’t clearly communicated. I like to know the culture of the program, the intent and focus of the speaking engagement (i.e. filling in on a youth group night or the focus for a week-long camp), the vision of the ministry, how long the messages are to be and how many there will be, and even what hasn’t worked in the past. When you’re open and clear about what you’re seeking, it will afford potential speakers the opportunity to say yes or no as they think through their skill sets and time obligations. The clearer you are the more likely you are to find the right person(s) needed for your event.

Know what your group needs.

This is hugely important because as the shepherd to your group you know what they need to hear, how they will receive people, what kind of care they need, and how they will engage with the person speaking. When you’re aware of the needs of your group, it provides clarity for you to choose a speaker who will be the best equipped to help meet those needs. You aren’t looking for someone to take on your role but for someone who will compliment it and provide a meaningful and safe place for students to engage and grow in their faith journey.

Get a resume.

This may sound weird because it’s not a job interview, right? But if someone is coming to speak to your group, especially for a longer period of time, this is a job interview. They are putting forth their services and they should be able to share their experiences, passions, and reasons for seeking to fulfill this role. In doing this, you will better understand if this person is truly the right fit for your group.

Now let me clarify something: I am not saying they need to actually give you a full on resume. I am saying to look for the pieces that go into a resume and seek to understand more about the candidate. If you get a resume, follow up with their references and see what they have to say about the speaker’s skill sets, communication style, and ability to connect with students.

Know their connection to student ministry.

It may seem easy to find a speaker for student ministry; just look in any of the numerous student ministry Facebook groups to see people who are ready and willing to jump in as a speaker. Or you can look at various people’s social media profiles and find tags like “influencer” and “speaker.” But just because someone says they are a speaker doesn’t mean they will be qualified to speak to students.

One of the best things you can do when looking for a speaker is to find out their connection and draw to be a speaker to students. Sometimes people think that speaking to adults and to students are the same, but there are important and noted differences. Being able to ascertain if someone has a connection to speaking to students is a key aspect to be looking for when choosing a speaker.

Consider cost.

Sometimes you will end up finding someone who will speak for little to no cost. These will typically be when you ask someone to speak on a Sunday morning or at youth group, but not so much for speaking at retreats or longer settings. Being aware of the cost associated with picking a speaker is important but should not keep you from choosing the best selection for your group. There are times when costs can be prohibitive to what you’re seeking to accomplish, but if you’re open with the reality of cost from the onset of your search, it will allow you to think creatively about who you bring in to speak.

Preview some of their teachings.

This is something that I would suggest no matter where you’re having someone speak. Whether it’s a speaker for a camp or retreat or someone speaking on a Sunday morning, getting to know their material, methodology, and how they engage with people is key. Getting this preview will help you make an informed decisions on whether that individual is someone you want sharing with your students, if their communication aligns with your vision and mission, and if they bring the necessary skill set to the table.

One final thing: how do you say no to a speaker?

There have been times where I’ve checked in with multiple people to speak and I’ve had to have an awkward conversation where I say no to them sharing. Depending on the circumstance this can be more awkward than not (i.e. telling someone at your church or a youth leader no). The key is how you go about this. Do you simply say “sorry we are going in another direction,” are you direct to the reasons why, do you try to soften the blow?

I would say that the closer you are to the individual, the more intentional, relational, and pastoral you are with them. Make sure to care for and love them well. Explain your reasoning and if there’s areas to grow in be willing to share those. If someone is fairly far removed from your group (i.e. you connected with someone referred to you over Facebook), simply stating you’re going in another direction is fine and thank them for their time. If they want more information that is up to you on how much you’d like to share.