Tag: community

Don’t Forget to Have Fun with Your Students

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One of my eighth grade guys loves to rub my head. It’s become a running joke that he will try to sneak up on me and rub or pat my head before I notice him.

Many of my other students love to joke about my gray hair and my “advanced” age. Still others will laugh about my weak ankles and knees. And there’s a handful of students who love to point out that my clothing choices tend to repeat themselves.

There are two responses I could have in these situations. One, I could get frustrated with the joking and shut it down. Or two, I could laugh and have fun with my students.

At the end of the day, their joking doesn’t bother me much and it highlights their comfortability with me and our program. I could choose to be a stick-in-the-mud and respond in an authoritarian way, but I know that will not make our program into what we want it to be: a safe place for our students to be themselves and know Jesus.

In our ministry we are clear on boundaries and rules, especially when it comes to how we engage with and treat one another. This means that when things get pushed too far and we respond to it, our students understand that they stepped over the line.

But here’s the thing: we can still have fun within those boundaries. We can still laugh at what our students say and do when they’re trying to be funny. We can chuckle at the immaturity and lack of self awareness. We can be relaxed and laugh at ourselves along with our students. The other side of the coin is that we could take things personally and try to shape the program and interactions in a way that keeps those moments at bay.

I would recommend the former over the latter because it creates a place where students can be authentic and simply be kids. We were all immature in middle school and high school, we all made jokes, we probably all said something a little out of pocket at some point.

As adults, we should remember how we acted and instead of crying foul and trying to just shut things down, we should instead take a moment to laugh and show students how mature adults can engage, have fun, and respond.

When we can have fun alongside of our students, we are showing them that we see them as more than a number or a child to be watched. We are showing them that we truly value and desire intergenerational discipleship relationships. We are highlighting that we can have fun and engage with them while valuing them and not dismissing them because of their age.

These types of moments create safe and healthy environments for students to be themselves, connect with safe adults, and be shepherded towards Jesus as we all take time to have fun together.

Here is my encouragement to you:

1. Allow your students to be students even if it means a little immaturity, random comments, and lack of self awareness.

2. Laugh along with (and sometimes at – of course not in front of them) your students and what they say or do.

3. Don’t take yourself too seriously and be willing to have fun and take a joke or two.

4. Create an environment that values fun and joy for everyone involved.

By incorporating these elements I cannot guarantee that your program will be perfect but that there will be a lot more joy, laughter, and community within your ministry.

Quick Tip: Intentionality at Grad Parties

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If you’re like me, graduation season is in full swing and graduation parties are popping up every weekend. But have you ever asked yourself, “why do I go to these?”

I know I’ve been to ones where I only knew the graduate and their family, and in some cases just the graduate. I’ve been to ones that felt awkward for a variety of reasons. And still others where I stayed for hours on end.

But still, the question of “why do I go” hasn’t been answered. So why do we go? Of course we go for the graduate and to celebrate them, but that cannot be the only reason.

Let’s be honest for a moment: while the graduate may be happy to see us, their focus will be on their friends and family. So if we limit our reason to going to simply to celebrate the graduate (and eat good food), I think we are missing a broader opportunity.

When we practice intentionality at graduation parties, it allows us to have a broader impact as we love and care for our community. If we simply go to just celebrate our graduates, we miss out on intentional moments with parents, families, friends, our leaders, and even complete strangers we may meet in line for the guestbook.

What I would encourage is that we go to celebrate our graduates but also to intentionally engage and invest in the other people who are at the party. If we take the moments we are given and seek to have intentional conversations, love the people present, and celebrate the graduates, we will see the opportunities for engaging with our community flourish and be much more fruitful.

So when you go to grad parties this year, practice intentionality and love your community well. Not only will this make the parties more meaningful but you will also see relationships flourish because of the impact your ministry will have.

Quick Tip: Caring for Leaders

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Have you ever had a leader experience loss? How did you respond? Has a leader on your team ever had a surgery or prolonged illness? Was there a celebratory moment like a college or graduate school graduation? Has there been a birth or adoption within your community?

When it comes to caring for our people, we need to practice intentional community and support for them. Often we can default to monetary care, and while that can be a part of caring well, we can and should be thinking about different opportunities to love and support our community. But what are some additional ways to care well during difficult or celebratory moments?

  1. Send a personal handwritten note or card.
  2. Pray with and for the individual.
  3. Visit with them and make sure you have allotted the appropriate amount of time to visit.
  4. Send flowers and/or balloons.
  5. Send a gift card to your local supermarket or DoorDash to help provide meals.
  6. Start a meal train and bring a meal by yourself.
  7. Encourage your youth group to write cards to the individual.
  8. Put together a gift basket with contributions from your leaders and/or youth group.
  9. Help out with any service projects around the home and encourage your students to help with these.
  10. Check in and see if they need help with childcare or pet sitting.
  11. Ask families to contribute to any of the above ideas.

These aren’t meant to be a catch all, but instead to challenge us to think creatively when it comes to caring well for our people. We want them to know they are seen, loved, and missed and these are just some options that help us to think outside of our normal ways of doing things.

Quick Tip: Build Authentic Friendships

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Ministry is lonely. There’s no denying it. Depending on your context and setting, it may be felt in substantially larger ways.

In my context it seems like everyone knows me because of my job. It’s always, “Hi, Nick” in the supermarket or “Hello, pastor” at the gas station. The reality is that it’s often hard to build authentic friendships in my context because I’m always seen as a “pastor” rather than just another person trying to follow Jesus and be authentic with others.

If I’m honest, that reality actually led me to keep authentic friendships at arms length for a very long time, which led to increased loneliness that grew exponentially during the global pandemic. That became the tipping point for me and I realized I truly needed to have authentic friendships in order to continue to not just make it through life but also to thrive.

That meant I needed to take a risk and realize that I would have to open myself up to others and deal with past hurt from other friendships. In doing so, I had to identify that not every friendship will work out, nor will every friend hurt me like some had in the past. If you’ve been hurt or betrayed, you know just how difficult it is to open yourself up again, and the entire premise of this article probably leaves you feeling anxious and unsure.

I get it. Even as I write this, I can’t help but rehash past friendships that left me hurt and broken. But can I offer you some hope? There are authentic and meaningful friendships that exist and can offer the healing, community, and depth that we all need.

Let me also encourage you to look for friendships outside of your normal contexts. Yes, look within your communities and church, but recognize you may need to look elsewhere. Sometimes you need a safe place to process and be honest about work and what is happening within that context.

Consider reaching out to other youth workers in your community. Join a cohort. Find networks in your area. Utilize social media groups to find ways to connect with others. Consider reaching out to friends from college. Connect with coaching organizations and see if they have networks. Talk to former youth pastors and see if they could be mentors and friends. Reach out to your denomination (if you’re a part of one) and ask about connection opportunities. The broader your target, the more potential you have to find something that works.

Yes, there is risk with this but I can promise you the reward is great. I’ve been able to build lasting friendships from cohorts, college, and within our church community. All of which have been of great benefit to me and I am forever grateful.

Let me encourage and challenge you to seek out friendships that allow you and the other person(s) to truly be authentic and be for one another. Take a risk and be willing to trust others. You’ll be the better for it.

Ideas for Celebrating Baptisms

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Easter is an amazing time of year for Christians. Your church is probably gearing up for Good Friday and Easter services. In fact, this time of year is probably shaping up to be pretty busy for you and your church. I can relate to the busyness. Our church has extra services and it feels like it’s all hands on deck.

But one of the amazing things we do during the Easter season at our church is celebrate baptisms on Palm Sunday. It’s become a tradition within our church and it is a great opportunity to invite people in our community who don’t usually attend church to join us.

The individuals who get baptized invite their neighbors, friends, and families as they embody the mission that Jesus gave to all of us in Matthew 28. We then are able to invite them back the following week for Easter and connect them further with our church community.

I don’t know about your church experience, but as I was growing up baptisms were not necessarily celebrated. They happened in church services but were fairly muted in how people responded to them.

What I love about our church is that we have shaped our baptisms into a full service that celebrates and highlights what God is doing in the lives of our people. But how do we do that well? How do we elevate and celebrate the Great Commission within our communities?

Make it community-oriented.

One of the things we do is we encourage families, friends, small groups, and others who have been influential in the person’s faith journey to come up with them. They surround the baptismal and are there to show that they are for the individual and love them deeply. It’s an amazing picture of unity and fellowship within the Body of Christ and it is a wonderful encouragement to the person being baptized.

Create a unique service.

I know this takes more time and potentially more people depending on your church size. But what if the Spirit of God moves and 20 people (or more) want to get baptized? That happened to us and we had to radically alter the service. Our senior pastor was the one who stated, “It’s not that we aren’t having a sermon, it’s that we are having multiple sermons with practical application.”

Simply put: the testimonies are the sermon. It may mean shifting songs and service order. It may mean calling an audible and not having certain elements. But by creating a unique setting and elevating what God is doing, you are making the ordinance of baptism special for the people being baptized and your church overall.

Have a time of celebration.

This could be cookies and lemonade after the service. It could be a photo booth and balloons. Or perhaps it’s a church potluck or BBQ. Whatever way you choose, crafting a time of celebration helps your people see that baptism isn’t just a moment but is an opportunity to continue engaging with one another and sharing the Good News with others.

Have a gift ready.

I get it. Money is tight, and we are feeling it in our budgets. I’m not advocating for anything lavish or over the top. This could be as simple as a handwritten card. Perhaps you’re able to put a small gift card in with it. Maybe you can actually put together a small gift bag with a devotional. Whatever you’re able to do will make this day even more special and memorable for the people getting baptized.

Follow up.

After a couple of days, and when appropriate, ask the person out for coffee or lunch to catch up and see how they are doing. Ask questions about what they remember from their baptism. Ask them who they have shared their story with. See how you can continue to help them on their faith journey.

These moments of intentional follow-up highlight that the church and you care for these individuals and want to help them grow in their relationship with Jesus.

How do you celebrate baptisms in your church?

Quick Tip: Remember Your Neighbors

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It is fairly easy for church staff to get focused on their ministry and church because it’s where they work, are involved, and the place that host the people they care for. But if we take a step back and look, we will see that there are other areas in our lives where we should also be invested. The place your spouse or family members work, your neighborhood, your friend group(s), or places and businesses you frequent are just a few of the areas you can and should have an impact in.

We have an opportunity, privilege, and a calling to reach people in all the spheres of which we are a part. Over the course of our marriage, Elise and I have seen these additional areas as opportunities to love and care for others in a variety of ways. When we lived in Iowa, we were able to help neighbors shovel their driveways or get their cars out of snow banks. We also were able to help people with moving when I had a pickup truck we could load up.

Living where we do now in Pennsylvania, we have been able to get to know our neighbors and community even better and God has blessed us with opportunities to care for them. One of our favorite ways to do that comes during the Christmas season. We bake for our neighbors (including the staff at our local pizza shop), deliver the baked goods, and visit with them. It’s looked different year to year. Some years we use pre-made cookie dough or cinnamon rolls, other years we make the cookies from scratch. We’ve delivered rice cereal treats, and this year we may add candied nuts as well. It has become a tradition we love because we get to show our community that they are loved and remembered.

The point of this post though isn’t just to do things at Christmas, but instead to help us all think about how we can care well for the communities of which we are a part. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or involve things that only “people with money” can do. These are simple moments we can utilize to love and care for people and can be as simple as helping someone move, clean up a yard, deliver cookies or a meal, or simply visit with neighbors. This season, and this coming year, let’s make sure to remember and care for our neighbors!

Comforting Those Who Grieve

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History was made this last Tuesday with the presidential election. No matter which side you fall on, or if you’re one of the millions who didn’t fit neatly in any bracket, we have to admit there were countless firsts throughout the entirety of the election. At the end of the day, someone and multiple other people lost. That’s the reality of an election.

But this one, well, this one just felt different. For the winners they feel vindicated and as if the skewed power dynamic has been righted. For those who lost, they feel scared, betrayed, and worried for the future. It’s often in moments like these that the winners take a victory lap (typically on social media) and the losers share their fears and apprehensions (also on social media).

In years past, these moments of sharing have lead to horrific conversations, falling out among friends and families, people leaving the church, and much more pain and heartache. As I sat thinking through the events of this past week I must be honest and say my first thoughts were frustration and questions. But then my heart began to break because I feared what may cause my friends who are hurting to walk away from the church and Jesus. In an election cycle that wasn’t simply political and partisan, and instead leaned heavily into the church world we call home, it is hard to not see the pain and hurt that happens here in those spaces.

As Christians we have a biblical mandate to walk with those who are grieving and to not take a victory lap (pride goes before the fall). I’m not saying don’t celebrate, but instead think of others first. Be willing to see them as Jesus does and to stand in the gap with and for them. This isn’t something we should do only after the election–though I must admit that the results have been the catalyst for this post–but something we as the church should be known for in all moments! We have a calling, an obligation, and a command to walk with, care for, and love our hurting brothers and sisters. The question is how do we do that well? Today I hope to share just a few ways we can offer comfort to those who are grieving in any circumstance.

Listen first.

This is key to caring for others and often something that people struggle with doing. We are quick to offer suggestions, to look toward fixing things, or to try to solve the problem. But when we do that we don’t listen well, and if we don’t listen well, we don’t know how to care because we won’t truly understand. So make sure to simply listen and by listening look to care well.

Seek to understand.

This goes hand-in-hand with listening first. When you listen well you can understand what is happening. It’s often in moments of grief, pain, and loss that people will articulate how they are feeling and perhaps their view of God. They may not be theologically correct, but in moments of pain they are simply grappling with their emotional hurt and thoughts. So instead of looking to correct or offer the proper perspective, look to understand and see what they are feeling. When you listen and understand then you obtain the permission relationally to offer insight and perspective.

Engage in empathy and sympathy.

Our ability to show that we are with and for someone who is grieving is paramount to helping them process and heal. That means we need to show empathy and sympathy in those moments. Hurting with them. Understanding their pain. Relating with their feelings. For some this is easy but for others it’s difficult or uncomfortable, and much of this rests on our personalities. But regardless of where we fall individually, we must be willing to engage with these feelings.

When you can sympathize and show empathy, you’re helping to validate the hurting individual, showing you care and understand, and highlighting that you are a safe person. Think through what you say and don’t say, consider your body language, and understand how facial expressions play a role in these moments. When you consider those aspects you will find yourself engaging in more proactive and beneficial ways.

A word of caution though: don’t fake it and don’t pretend to understand when you don’t. Be honest in what you say and thoughtful in how you say it (i.e. you may not understand how they feel but you can say, “This grieves my heart and I am hurting for and with you.”)

Point toward hope.

Now I know what you’re thinking: of course we point them toward hope, it’s kind of our job! And yes, I hear you. We want to point people toward hope, but let me challenge you to be thoughtful and intentional in how you do this. There’s a reason I didn’t list this point first and it’s because we often jump into moments of grief with good intentions that often fall flat.

When someone is grieving the loss of a family member we might throw out 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18. When someone is wrestling with whether God cares, we throw out passages about Him caring for children or a poem about footprints. When people are wrestling with depression or anxiety and are grieving because they think God doesn’t see them, we hand them a passage about burdens being lightened. And yes, all these passages are true, and maybe taken a little out of context at times, but let me ask you something: is that what they need to hear right at that moment?

We serve a big God! A God who can handle our doubts, fears, questions, and even anger because He is God. And one of the best things you can do is allow people to express their tensions and then at the right moment to point them to the hope we have in Christ. This may not be right away, and that’s okay, but it must be a part of what we do in comforting them.

Walk with them.

This is one of the best things you can do when people are grieving. Stick with them. Check in on them. Follow up. When you do this, you are engaging in intentional, relational discipleship and you are showing that person they matter to you and to God.

This isn’t easy. Believe me on this. Depending on what people are walking through, how they are processing, and the depth of hurt, this can be a long and difficult road at times. But we are called to care for one another. To stand in the gap for those who need it. And to be the embodiment of Christ to this hurting world. When we walk with and stand for those who are grieving, we are living out the mission of Jesus.

Quick Tip: Appreciating Others

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So October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Did you know that? Or did you forget like me? That may be one of the reasons this post is dropping in late October and not earlier.

Now you may have read that and thought to yourself, “Nick, this post seems a little self-serving since you’re a pastor and you’re talking about appreciating people in the month of October.” I hear you on that, but please understand that isn’t the heart of this post. In fact, the point of this Quick Tip is to help us think about appreciating people we work with–our bosses, and our volunteers.

When we appreciate one another well, we are showing people that they are loved, valued, and seen. In ministry circles this is vitally important because there is so much that is given beyond the contexts and demands of a non-ministry job. You don’t really stop working. The calls, texts, and emails are always coming through. People show up at your home unannounced. The weight of what people are dealing with weighs on your shoulders and your family’s as well. The burnout rate for pastors and church staff is astronomically high. And let’s not forget that church staff often aren’t paid well and volunteers aren’t paid at all.

Phew. That’s a lot and we haven’t even hit all the pieces and realities of ministry yet. But when we feel that weight, think about the other people in your life who also feel that. Your volunteers, your staff, your supervisors, your wife, your kids. We may not always get appreciated, but we can appreciate others. Rather than say, “Nobody did anything for me in October,” what if we were the catalyst for change and it started by appreciating others first?

Today, I want to share some ways you can appreciate others and love them well all year long as we seek to care well for each other. Some are practical ways to do this and others are simply suggestions on what to think through.

Think about what you’d appreciate and use that as a metric for caring well.

Sometimes it feels like we just don’t know what to do or what to get for someone else. If you’ve ever struggled around Christmas or birthdays trying to get a gift or card for someone, you know exactly what I’m talking about. In those moments, pause and consider what would make you feel loved, valued, and appreciated.

It doesn’t have to be super specific, but if quality time is what you enjoy, consider taking the individual out for a cup of coffee and listen well. If you enjoy a good book, maybe get one for them (don’t be passive aggressive in choosing the book). If it’s something handmade, think about what you could make them. Using this as a metric will help you practically think through what you can do to appreciate others.

Don’t forget the families.

The reality of working in ministry is that it is often difficult. There are hard times that can wear on ministry leaders. But often, the unseen tragedy is how deeply this affects their families. Spouses carry that weight as they walk with their significant other and try to help them. Children often lose out on time with their parent(s) because the church pulls their parent away.

Ministry leaders can come home exhausted and quality time with their family takes a hit. Families often are all-in at churches and serve in a variety of ways, and never hear “thank you.” In moments like these, it is important to remember them and care well for them. Don’t forget the families. Love them and help them to know they are seen.

Utilize a handwritten note or card.

Sometimes finances are tight, we are in ministry after all. And we may think, “I have nothing to give. What can I do?” The power of a thoughtful handwritten card is undeniable. Think about the last time you got a letter in the mail. How did you feel? It’s exciting, it’s encouraging, it’s life-giving. Taking the time to write a note and encourage someone is extremely powerful and special.

Instead of a gift card, take them out and engage with them.

If you’re financially able, a great way to appreciate someone is not just giving them a gift card but taking them out for a meal or cup of coffee. This shows intentionality and a desire to know that individual. In those moments, we need to remember that the priority is listening to and engaging with the other person. Don’t dominate the conversation and listen well. Take this as a time to grow in your knowledge and relationship with that individual as you care well for them.

Give a personalized gift.

Are you the next contestant on Holiday Baking Championship? Are you crafty and good at creating things? Still got your sourdough starter going? Are you a gifted writer or artist? Sometimes the best gift is one you personalize because you put time and effort into making it for someone. I love to bake and make candles, and I see the joy and happiness those things bring when I share them with others. So think about your skills and hobbies, and ask yourself how you can turn those things into gifts to bless others.

Quick Tip: Finding Community

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Last week we kicked off the Quick Tip series and we talked about the importance of community. But that very tip begs us to ask a follow up question: how do we find community? Or maybe we should be asking a second question of where do we find community?

Community is something that we were all created for by our communal God. The very fact that God is three in one shows us that He is not only designed for community but the epitome of community. He is the very definition of community and when He created humanity in Genesis, He created us for it as well.

With that being said, community can often be difficult for those of us in ministry. We are often surrounded by people, but ministers often feel the most unknown or unseen. Everyone knows us and considers us their friend, but it can often be difficult to find friends ourselves.

With that being said we must remember that without effective and meaningful community we cannot be effective in our calling. So how and where do we find community? Let me share six quick ways we can do this.

1. Participate in a small group at your church where you are not the leader and can just be yourself without expectations.

2. Join a cohort or coaching community.

3. Utilize Facebook groups and other social media networks to not only find online community but community that physically gathers together.

4. Build friendships with your neighbors.

5. Find local groups, organizations, and opportunities in your community.

6. Participate in a youth worker network.

What are some ways you’ve found community in your life and ministry?

Quick Tip: Building Community

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Today we are starting a new series that we will pick up intermittently throughout the year called “Quick Tips.” This series is designed to be a quick read with helpful truths and ideas to facilitate growth. While some of these tips may warrant longer posts, we wanted to offer a quick sound bite-style blog that gets helpful information into your hands quickly.

So with that said, and to save time (which is part of the point of these posts) here is this week’s Quick Tip: build community.

Community is vitally important for all of us. We were designed by God Himself to be oriented toward relationships and community. And when we lack community we will feel alone, isolated, unseen, unloved, and unappreciated.

Building community both inside and outside of the church allows you to know others and be known for more than just being the youth pastor. You’re being known as an individual and as someone who isn’t defined simply by their job or title.

Don’t let community fall by the wayside. Instead, make it a priority and watch how you continue to grow and flourish.