Tag: book review

Book Review: The Quick Reference Guide to Counseling Teenagers

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Working with students means that inevitably you will end up engaging in counseling sooner than later. One of the things we have said often is know your limitations and know when to refer out to professionals who are trained in the areas you are not. That doesn’t mean you won’t ever engage in counseling, but it does mean we should know when and be able to refer out to trusted, licensed counselors.

But what about those times that you do need to offer counseling and advice? What do you do in those moments? My first guidance would be to seek out resources and training to help you grow as you serve and care for your students. One of the best resources I have found to help with these parts of our ministry is The Quick Reference Guide to Counseling Teenagers by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Chap Clark.

This is not a catch-all for counseling, nor does it make us a licensed clinical counselor, but it does provide beneficial guidance, resources, and productive ways to minister to and care for our students. This is also only one book in a series of counseling books that have been put out from the same group and all of them are incredibly helpful.

To start things off there is a table of contents that highlights various counseling areas that are listed alphabetically for a quick reference. Once you get to the area you are looking for assistance in, you will find that it starts with some case studies (portraits) and then definitions and key thoughts to help you understand what you are dealing with and how it can manifest in different people and circumstances. These will also help to outline and highlight various symptoms and/or patterns that may be exhibited in someone who is struggling.

That is followed by questions to ask which are often in the style of an intake session for counselors coupled with conversation prompts. Some of these questions will be for just the student and in others there will be questions for both parents and students. Then the authors provide action steps which can be for students and parents depending on the category, biblical insights, and prayer starters which are a must for any pastor or leader who is offering guidance and counseling. Lastly they offer up additional resources that are extremely helpful.

Overall, this book is a must for anyone serving in student ministry because it provides you with the resources and guidance you need for counseling students. For those who have minimal training in counseling this book provides a ton of helpful guidance and insight into how to care for your students. The biblical aspects are so necessary in our line of work and provide you with ways to help your students continue to grow in their discipleship relationship with Jesus even as they grapple with difficult aspects of their lives.

Some of the critiques of this book is that it is outdated (it was published in 2010) and it doesn’t have all the issues that student workers will encounter in our present environment. So it is highly important to keep that in mind as you look for the areas in which you’re going to be offering counsel. This isn’t a criticism of the book but a word of guidance for those who utilize this resource: the prompts can feel very basic and scripted if you simply state them as they are in the book (i.e. the questions, biblical insights, and prayer prompts). My encouragement would be to make these pieces personal and relational as you counsel your students.

It is helpful to remind everyone that if you don’t have a counseling degree and verification, you are not a counselor but a pastor who is offering care with counseling elements. Don’t ever offer counsel you are unsure of or don’t have the training to offer. Instead be willing to offer guidance and advice, and be willing to refer when needed.

At the end of the day, this book is one I would highly recommend to anyone who works with students. It is incredibly beneficial and will make you a better pastor, shepherd, and counselor to your students, leaders, and families.

Book Review: She Deserves Better

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I’m back and reviewing another highly-recommended book by the team that brought us The Great Sex Rescue. As a regular listener to Sheila Wray Gregoire’s Bare Marriage podcast, and a survivor of growing up in purity culture, I was so excited to hear about–and get my hands on–her team’s new book, She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self & Speaking Up (written by Sheila, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky). And once I did, I was not disappointed.

Since this blog is dedicated to youth ministry and those serving within that context, let me start by saying up front, you need to read this book regardless of your gender, role within the church, or parental status. Yes, it is written in a format for mothers to read and discuss with their daughters. However, if you work with young people in any context, you need to take time to read, think through, and reckon with the topics discussed in She Deserves Better. Unfortunately, certain harmful messages and teachings have been accepted as Bible fact, and been propagated through the church for decades, and it’s time for that to end.

In She Deserves Better, the authors deal with topics surrounding girls’ faith, well-being and self esteem, emotional health, respect and boundaries, dating and identifying of toxic relationship traits, sex education and consent, and existing as a person who is allowed to take up space. Within each chapter they unpack harmful teachings from a biblical, evidenced-based perspective with scientific facts, personal stories, and examples from their surveys of thousands of women. And they particularly focus on church-based contexts, which most often involve youth group experiences.

Undoubtedly, there will be parts of this book that make some readers uncomfortable. If you’ve been drinking purity culture Kool-Aid all your life, some of these conversations may make you cringe, or make you feel like purity culture and its teachings are being attacked. But here’s the thing, if we begin to uncover things that are proven to be systemically harmful to others, we have a responsibility to do something about it. That may include painful introspection as we think about the messages we’ve preached. It may include dealing with how we have treated or silenced others along the way. And for some, it may include unlearning teachings that have been ingrained in us since birth.

Some of us could easily sit back and say, “purity culture didn’t directly harm me,” or “I thought this was biblical,” or worse yet, claim we didn’t know better and therefore are excused. But these things are no longer an excuse to continue down a destructive road or turn a blind eye to it. We should know better, we do know better, and now it’s time to do better, both for the next generation, but also the countless women who need help deconstructing layers of shame, assault, and toxic teachings. She Deserves Better starts us down the road to do just that. 

If you are a parent, I encourage you to invest in this book and use it to have conversations with your children (girls and boys, because heaven knows we need to raise up men who know how to treat women). If you are a pastor, youth pastor, or lay leader, please invest in this book, not just to share with parents, though that is strongly encouraged, but also to help educate yourself. If you are leading parents and students in any capacity, these topics will come up. The best thing you can do is educate yourself so that you can handle them correctly and well.

If you aren’t a parent or a “youth person,” but you came out of purity culture scarred and broken, I would also encourage you to give the gift of this book to yourself. Let yourself unpack the baggage, begin to heal the wounds, reteach your younger self, and move forward with freedom in Christ. Many of the issues unpacked in She Deserves Better boil down to mistreatment of women within church culture. And if that has been your experience, I am so deeply sorry and I carry that pain with you. You didn’t deserve it, and you don’t deserve it now. As the book states, you deserve better.

May we have the courage to collectively work to build a better world for girls and women, with the church leading the way. This book is just one step on that journey, but it is a big step, and I invite you to take it with us.

Book Review: Attacking Anxiety

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Would you say that your students struggle with anxiety, depression, or panic attacks? Have you witnessed the weight that your students are carrying? Have students shared how overwhelmed or burdened they are? What about you? How are you doing? Would you say your mental, emotional, and spiritual health are all doing well?

Recently I had shared about being on a mental health break from my job, and during my time away I read a recommended book by Shawn Johnson called Attacking Anxiety. This is a book I would highly recommend for anyone regardless of whether you are struggling personally or have people under your care who are.

The truth is that we will always come in contact with someone who may be struggling and this book provides insight, wisdom, tools, and resources we can use to help ourselves and others. This is a very personal book for me because it truly put into words the feelings, emotions, and thoughts I didn’t know how to express during my recent bout with mental health. I can say with extreme confidence that this is a book everyone leading in ministry (especially with students) should be reading.

Attacking Anxiety isn’t another self-help book, but instead is a very personal and reflective account from Shawn about his own struggle with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. Shawn draws from his own story and struggles to help the reader fully understand the realities of mental health. But as he tells his story, he also highlights the ways in which we can have victory over the struggles we face.

Shawn acknowledges that this isn’t a “one-size fits all” approach, but the tools and resources that he shares are simply that: ways for us to helpfully and hopefully engage with our own mental health or those with whom we do life. It is a refreshing read that helps us understand that mental health is a complex issue and that the ways to address it are multifaceted and include God and our relationship with Him, counseling, medication, self-awareness, and much more. Shawn doesn’t dismiss one aspect or treatment for another but instead helps the reader to understand how unique and complex this issue is, and provides the reader with much-needed insight and resources.

The book is broken down into four sections: Know, Start, Stop, and Remember. The Know section is designed to help the reader understand that what they are going through isn’t something that only they have ever struggled with and that they aren’t alone. This section is truly meant to help the reader have hope even when life seems hopeless. The Start portion is all about the reader taking steps to fight back. Shawn highlights how mental health can be crippling but this was never God’s design or intent for humanity. Struggling with mental health is a direct result of the Fall, and because of that Satan loves to corrupt our minds and make us believe it is our fault, that we are the problem, and we are alone. Shawn challenges the reader to fight back against these lies and he outlines way we can do just that. This section alone is worth purchasing the book for as it helped me think through how I was responding to my own circumstances, and when I put these tools to work it helped immensely. My anxiety and depression didn’t magically disappear, but it became manageable and allowed for me to see how many supporters and advocates I truly have.

Section three, Stop, is helpful for anyone and everyone regardless of whether you are struggling with mental health. Shawn highlights things we need to Stop doing because they are actually keeping us from becoming fully healthy. Some of the areas he talks about include pretending that everything is okay, admitting if we are holding onto past hurt and unforgiveness, a desire to perform for critics, and comparison. Even as I reread this list, I am struck by how important and insightful each of these areas are for everyone regardless of their mental health. Holding onto these aspects and responses doesn’t mean we struggle with mental health, but prolonged engagement with them will undoubtedly affect your mental health in one way or another.

In the final section of his book, Shawn challenges us to remember that God is with us, God is working, and God has a plan. So often in mental health struggles we forget these truths. We forget that God hasn’t left us alone and that He is working all things out. In the thickness of the struggle we often miss that God is at work and sustaining us, and it is in this last section that Shawn reminds us of who our God is and the love He has for us. We are not alone, we are not forgotten. Instead we are deeply known, loved, and sustained. The section focuses on the hope we have and the reminder to rely upon God even in our darkest moments.

If you need one more reason to love this book, then don’t stop at the last section but continue on to the appendix. Here Shawn provides a very practical resource entitled “Panic Attack Survival Guide.” In the appendix we are given practical ways to move through a panic attack but Shawn also provides an additional guide for those who have loved ones going through a panic attack and how to love and care for them in the midst of it. This resource is invaluable and totally worth the cost of the book just to obtain this piece.

So if you’re wondering whether or not you should read this book, the answer is a resounding yes! The resources alone make the book worth purchasing and reading, but the additional information and insight into mental health are just as worthwhile. So let me encourage you to go out and purchase your copy today and use it to help yourself and others on their mental health journey.