Category: Church Staff

Quick Tip: Having Personal Boundaries

Posted on by Leave a comment

Have you ever been interrupted on your day off with something from work? Do you answer phone calls at all times or do you keep boundaries? Do you struggle to figure out what takes priority when you aren’t in-office: family or work concerns?

Please don’t hear me as being critical because I’m not. I get it. For many years I didn’t have healthy work-life boundaries. I tried to convince myself that I did but it took a mental health leave of absence to realize that I didn’t. I used to check emails and respond to them on vacation. I was always checking social media. If texts came through, I’d respond.

It was all-consuming even when I had convinced myself it wasn’t. And for those who serve in ministry, we will often struggle with finding a healthy balance. We know our calling and we care for our people, but that cannot be our only focus nor should it be. Today, I want to share a few quick ways to have healthy boundaries.

Remember the order of your priorities.

You are called first to focus on your relationship with God and your holistic health, then to focus on your family, and then focus on your ministry. When these priorities are out of order you will find yourself out of sorts as well. And when these are left in an out-of-order scope and sequence, you will find yourself fully depending on you, not on God, and your boundaries being stretched further and further.

Utilize “do not disturb” and turn off notifications on your devices.

Removing the interruption of electronics is one of the best things you can implement to help incorporate healthy boundaries. This doesn’t mean you’ll never respond, but it does remove the tension, anxiety, and pressure that comes with always being connected. When you utilize these features, you can be fully present in the moment and with those who matter most.

Take work apps off your phone.

This may be easier said than done for some because it may be a requirement. Technically a job cannot force you to have apps on your phone unless they are paying for said phone, but enough about technicalities. My point here is this: if the apps are keeping you focused on work and pulling you away from intentional moments with those closest to you or keeping you from truly resting and taking a sabbath, that is a problem. Instead, take them off of your phone or at the very least turn off the notifications. And yes, that goes for your work email too.

Screen calls and texts.

No matter what, there will be times you get calls and texts, even on your day off. But not every call or text necessitates an instantaneous response. Instead use wisdom and discernment to diagnose which calls or texts warrant a response, and decide how quick those responses should be.

Talk about and make your boundaries clear.

This is something I wish pastors and ministry leaders did more often. We must regularly and openly talk about our boundaries. If we are calling people into a holistic life-changing relationship with Jesus, we should be modeling that not just in action but also in our speech. We need to talk about how we are creating margin and looking to refresh and take sabbath because that shows our people how important it is. This then gives them permission to do the same. It also helps our people to understand that while we love and care for them, we cannot be all things to all people; only Jesus can be that. What you are doing is highlighting personal, relational, and spiritual boundaries that allow you to create rhythms and margin to be the holistic pastor and shepherd you need to be.

Quick Tip: When & How to Refer Out

Posted on by Leave a comment

We’ve all experienced a moment when we have had a student ask us a question or we are faced with a situation we don’t know how to handle. Whether we aren’t equipped or trained to handle it, or if it’s due to a lack of understanding or life experience, we have all faced this in some capacity.

But let me ask you a question: when you were in that moment, how did you respond? Did you do your best to give some type of reasonably decent advice? Did you frantically consult your commentaries or Google? Did you pull out a passage of Scripture like Jeremiah 29:11? Did you consider referring the student or circumstance to someone else?

Hear me out: I know there are circumstances and situations that warrant our immediate attention regardless of training. But what I am talking about is referring or deferring when necessary. In many cases this is not just the best option but an amazing resource and help to you and all those involved.

So what are some ways to help us refer to the individuals, ministries, and resources that will help those we are shepherding?

Know your community.

When you know what resources and capabilities are available in your community it affords you the knowledge you need to help others. Consider connecting with local hospitals, clinics, and mental health facilities as well as local doctors. You can also connect with local first responders, teachers, food distribution agencies, and support networks that help students.

Build relationships.

As you get to know your community, you’re building relationships that allow you to know the available resources and how they can best help your people. It also allows you to best see which people and organizations align with your church and ministry. As you build those relationships, you are also building a rapport that allows for you and your ministry to have a deeper relationship and opportunities for help with your resources. Building relationships allow for you to not only know your community but also to show them that you value and appreciate them.

Utilize resources in your churches.

Church congregations include individuals who are qualified in many different skills and careers that can be extremely beneficial to helping your ministry. Assistance may also come from other ministries that your church offers like a food or clothing bank, a financial assistance ministry, or even counselors in your church. Students may need a variety of resources and the more you are aware of what your church offers and who is within it, the better equipped you will be to serve your people.

Acknowledge your areas of expertise and growth.

When you know your skills and limitations, it helps to frame what agencies and resources you most need to connect with to help your people. So take an honest assessment of yourself and then seek to grow your network accordingly.

Continue to grow and educate yourself.

As you know your skill sets, seek to grow in the areas you aren’t as strong in. This doesn’t necessarily qualify you in all moments, but it helps you to continue to grow and care well for your people.

Quick Tip: Have Fun

Posted on by Leave a comment

There have been moments on a Wednesday night or Sunday morning for me when all I can see are the tasks, objectives, and the schedule. I can get hyper-focused on trying to get things accomplished and staying on task that I just lose sight of the bigger, more important aspects of student ministry. One of the things I can miss is “having fun.”

I can blame this on my personality (I am an I/C in the DISC) or a litany of other things, but I know the nights I miss out on the fun because it feels like things just didn’t work. When we miss out on the fun, we miss out on relational opportunities, conversations, and bridge-building moments with our students and leaders. When we have fun it makes us more approachable and relatable to our students.

It’s easy to get caught up with accomplishing all the tasks and focusing on any of a variety of circumstances that demand our attention. But should we miss having fun in our career and ministry, we will surely miss out on the beauty of what God has called us to.

So in thinking about having fun, here are few key things to remember:

  • Laugh often. Tell jokes, laugh at yourself (especially when you get spiked on in 9 Square), be willing play with your group, and smile often. The more you laugh, the more fun you’ll have.
  • Don’t take things or yourself too seriously. Yes, you are a leader and yes, you are entrusted with walking with your students and volunteers, but remember the relationships are key here. That means while you can take your job and calling seriously, you don’t need to do the same to yourself. Keep approaching students at their level, don’t be so pulled back they can’t relate, and be willing to just be a part of your community.
  • Be willing to be yourself. Students don’t want or need someone who isn’t being themselves or is trying to emulate another person. They want you, and you are unique and special. So bring your personality, your humor, and your joy to the table. When you can be you, you can truly have a blast!
  • Remember who you work with. Students are hilarious! If you didn’t know that, here’s a friendly heads up. They say and do things that are absolute hysterical, whether it was intentional or not. You never know what they will say or do and that leads to some memorable moments that will make you laugh (maybe even out loud).

Quick Tip: Know Your Leaders

Posted on by Leave a comment

A while back I was challenged by a post a friend had written. The gist of the post was a reminder not to forget about people around you. Now let me stop there and have you consider something: do you see all your leaders? Do you include them all?

Now I know my knee-jerk reaction to those questions is “yes,” but if I’m honest with you I didn’t always, and I sometimes still miss things. Let me give you an example. Ask yourself this question: do all your leaders drink coffee? If not, should you invite them to meet up “for a cup of coffee?” If not, do you provide alternatives for them when coffee is present (i.e., at meetings, training, leader lounge, etc.)?

Again I hear you on this one. It seems like such a small thing, but truly what is at the heart of this matter is knowing your leaders. When you know them, they feel known and seen and loved. The key is not just seeing them as volunteers but getting to know who they are and doing life with them.

Start by getting to know them. Hang out with them. Grab dinner, a beer, coffee or tea. Take a group outing together. Host a leader game night. Sit with them at church. These moments help you truly know them and foster meaningful relationships.

Create a leader questionnaire. I know this may seem a little clinical, but if you have a larger volunteer team this could be a great way to find out helpful information. Ask questions like:

  • What’s your favorite candy bar?
  • If I got a gift to this restaurant, I’d be really excited:
  • My favorite cold weather drink is…
  • When some does (fill in the blank) I feel seen and loved.
  • What food allergies do you have?
  • How can we pray for you?

Make sure to regularly check in with your leaders. Whether it’s a text, meeting up once a month, grabbing a bite out, or writing them a note, letting your volunteers know you care by checking in helps them to know that they are loved and cared for through an intentional and thoughtful moment.

Another key piece of knowing your leaders is knowing their food allergies. I have a few leaders and an intern who are highly allergic to nuts. A simple way of showing we know our leaders is we don’t put out anything with nuts at training, and if we do gift bags with candy in them we get them special items that don’t have nuts. But it isn’t just people with nut allergies we should be thinking about. There are people who can’t have gluten or dairy, people with allergies to shellfish (but on what youth ministry budget), people who can’t have soy. If you find out this information, you’re going to help people who often feel dismissed or forgotten feel loved and seen.

Lastly, regularly ask them how they are doing and how you can pray for them. Sounds simple right? But this is a huge part of you knowing and caring for your leaders. When you can ask them how work has been, how their family is doing (bonus if you know the names of their family members), what they have been doing to breathe and pause, how their relationship with Jesus is, and how you can pray for them, your leaders are going to feel so appreciated and known. But don’t just ask the question, make sure to actually follow up as well. Don’t let this just be a check mark on the board, but be intentional and make sure that you engage further.

5 Tips for Conducting a Review

Posted on by Leave a comment

How do you feel about reviews? You may have read the title to this post and thought, “I’ve never had a review before!” Or perhaps your thoughts were more along the lines of, “Reviews suck, and I am always blindsided by them.” Or maybe you thought, “I’ve never given a review before and it’s never been modeled for me.”

Reviews, well, they get mixed reviews (pun intended). Some people love them and others hate them. For some it fills them with dread and for others they long to finally have one. The reality is that reviews in and of themselves are neutral. It’s what we do with them that allow them to be positive or negative, both in how they are executed and in how they are received.

Today’s post is all about helping you think through how to give a productive review to your team member(s). And even if you don’t have a paid staff, you can use these insights to help you proactively walk with, encourage, shape, and disciple your volunteers and even your student leaders.

1. Reviews should never be a surprise nor should the content.

I don’t know how your reviews have gone but I’ve sat in several where something is shared that completely caught me off guard. Sometimes it was positive and sometimes it was negative. But when those moments happen it can often feel surprising, isolating, debilitating, and even make us doubt our calling and career.

Whatever you share should be things, goals, challenges, and feedback of which your teammate is already aware. Reviews aren’t an opportunity to dump some new critique or rebuke but instead an opportunity to facilitate growth, empower your people, highlight achievements, and help them develop their skills and ministry.

2. Review the year and set goals.

Another aspect of giving a review is doing exactly what it says: reviewing the past year or set time frame. When you take time to look back and review the year you can focus in on victories and celebratory moments, and you can highlight areas where growth is needed. It also allows you to think and dream about what the next year will hold, which gives you the structure for setting and implementing goals. Goals are a great way to provide focus, intentionality, and mission to the review and to help your teammate grow and excel in their position.

3. Allow the review to be relational.

I have sat in too many reviews that have felt clinical. It’s felt one sided and as if the reviewer didn’t even know me as an individual or ministry partner. That isn’t how a review should be. Yes, there are aspects of you being the supervisor and the person being reviewed an employee, but that shouldn’t remove the intentional relational component.

You should be a shepherd in your entire role and that includes when you review people. You should still seek to love and care for them, to understand and hear them, and to be for them. When you approach the review from a relational perspective you have helped both sides to flourish.

4. Communicate care and growth.

Part of giving a review is being honest: honest in what they have done well and honest in helping them to see growth areas. This isn’t always easy and it can feel kind of crappy at times, but if you truly care about your teammate you want to help them flourish and grow. So even as you identify growth areas, do it from a position of love and care. Don’t be accusatory or aggressive, instead highlight what you have seen, how you care for them, and a path to flourishing.

5. Pray for them.

This is a big piece that I’ve been incorporating into my reviews over recent years. When a review is relational and personal, seek to care for your teammate in a holistic way. Ask how they are doing, what has gone well for them over the past year in ministry and personally, ask what has been difficult, seek to understand how you can shepherd them better, and then ask how you can pray for them. Inviting them into the process and showing that you love and care about them makes this review much more relational and allows you to truly care for your people.

What to Look For In a Teammate

Posted on by Leave a comment

You just get told you can hire an additional person to your team! Once the excitement wears off, you now realize you need to find the right person for the position. But what makes someone the right person? Is it their relational ability, their skill at teaching, their energy level, their youth, the ability to connect with students?

I get it. I’ve had the ability to hire people at various times in my career, but what are the qualities, skills, and personalities that we should be looking for? What are the non-negotiables? How do we do our best to hire the right person? Today, I want to share some ideas to hopefully help you hire the best teammate for your ministry.

Find someone with a heart for students.

One of the things I always look for is someone who has a heart and passion for reaching and engaging with students. You cannot teach heart or passion, and it’s important to highlight that this is more than just a job or paycheck. Be willing to ask questions that focus on the reasons for serving with students when looking for a teammate. Questions like, why do you want to work with students, what excites you about with working with students, why do you care about students, and why is student ministry important? These will help you to discern the heart of the person you are interviewing.

Find someone who compliments your skills and vision.

When you are hiring a teammate you want to have someone who is not only onboard with the ministry but who brings their own skills and abilities to the table. Their skill set, while it can be similar to yours–like being a qualified teacher or someone who connects well with students–should be different because having someone who brings new and unique skills can be of immense benefit.

I’m not good at building graphics or even trying to be creative in that way, but my teammate is. She knows how to utilize resources like Canva in creative ways to reach students and thinks through how to make our training sessions not just educational but also invitational and warm. A teammate who compliments you will make you a better team leader and minister, and it will also help your ministry to flourish as it will allow you to reach a greater swath of students.

Don’t let stereotypical skill sets keep you from hiring.

You can teach skills but you can’t teach heart or passion, which we unpacked above. I am not saying that you should hire someone with no understanding of what they are doing, but instead to be flexible on certain aspects of the job. You may have someone who checks all the boxes but isn’t good at running games. That is something you can teach. Perhaps the person you want to hire isn’t good at using PowerPoint or ProPresenter, that’s something you can train them in. Don’t be afraid to think outside the stereotypical “youth person” box.

Look for someone who will challenge you.

Notice what I didn’t say there; I didn’t say look for someone who will be a challenge for you. I’m not asserting that you hire a difficult person, but instead encouraging you to find someone who will help you grow and mature as a leader. You shouldn’t be looking for a yes-man, but instead for someone who brings new and exciting ideas to the table and helps you to grow as a leader and minister.

Find someone who is a team player and willing to contribute.

Having a teammate who can work well on a team and who has a good work ethic will help your ministry to grow and develop. When they want to serve and don’t simply see their position as a job, your ministry and team will be the better for it. Part of this also means that they have the freedom and permission to bring new ideas and programmatic features to the ministry without having to fear that everything they offer will be shut down. This allows for growth and development holistically across the board in your department and ministry.

Look for someone who is willing to grow and go further than expected.

You’re not hiring a warm body or a babysitter; you’re hiring a co-minister to your students and as such that person should be willing to grow and take initiative. Finding someone who isn’t complacent and is willing to go the extra mile will help your ministry flourish because they will intentionally look to benefit everyone involved. When you have someone who wants to grow, you’re not only helping the ministry to flourish, you can help your teammate to develop as well. You are valuing them and helping to set them up for success.

Making Graduation Season Special

Posted on by Leave a comment

It’s here! The time of year when we commission our graduates, celebrate their achievements, shed some tears as they move on, and reflect on all the memories we have made together. But with these moments come multiple opportunities to invest in, encourage, and champion them as they move into the next phase of their life journey.

There are commencement ceremonies, parties galore, senior parades, and more. Depending on your context and the structure of your ministry, you may be invited to numerous gatherings and events, and that begs a question: how do you make these moments special? Depending on your context you may be invited to a graduation ceremony with multiple students but perhaps you don’t have a budget to get them all a gift. Or maybe you’re invited by a specific family to a graduation, so do you bring them a gift…but what about the other students you know who are graduating?

In order to make the most of this special season, I want to offer a few suggestions for you to consider that will allow you to bless all of your students in a meaningful and personal way. These will specifically be cost-sensitive and will focus on ideas and engagements that will have intentional impact.

Be intentionally relational.

This may sound like a no-brainer, but sometimes it can be hard to engage with people relationally. Maybe it’s a student who just never had anything nice to say. Perhaps it’s a parent who spread rumors about you or one you never met. Or maybe you’re just feeling wiped out from talking to everyone and what’s the big deal with not talking to that family, that parent, or that student?

These moments are opportunities for you to continue to show that your students matter and that you are in their corner. Yes, it may take more time and energy, and yes, you may need to humble yourself in these moments. But I can promise you that if you engage relationally during this season you will see wonderful results as your students continue to grow.

Bring a personalized card.

We have quite a few students graduate each year and it honestly would cost a lot of money if we got each of them a gift, even a small one. So our ministry does gifts for each graduate at our senior commissioning, but Elise and I write out a personal card for each of them that we decorate and make unique. Sharing some memories, writing a personal encouragement, sharing a specific prayer, or even just letting them know how you’ve seen them grow makes the letter intentional and personal instead of a standard card. When you can do something as personal as a handwritten card it shows your students how much they mean to you and how you have seen them grow during their time in your ministry.

Show up when invited.

Our church is a regional church which means we have four or more public high schools, three Christian schools, and cyber learning or homeschooled students represented in our program. Most of our area schools only give out a certain amount of graduation tickets to students, so we don’t always get to attend commencement ceremonies. But when we do, we show up and try to connect with all of our students and families who are present. The same goes for graduation parties. Sometimes we get invited and sometimes we don’t. But when we get the invitation we do our best to attend and connect with our student and their family. These are intentional moments and they communicate love and care for your students.

Don’t be rushed.

I don’t know about you but sometimes I can feel a little pressed for time. There are moments when rushing is appropriate, but in moments when you are connecting with and celebrating your graduates, you need to slow down and be present. That means don’t relegate yourself to only a short time frame. Instead keep your schedule open so you can spend the appropriate amount of time at each special moment.

Continue to be present.

Some of our students experience a fear of the unknown and a fear of leaving behind something they love. In releasing and commissioning our students, one of the things we can continue to do is be present for them. Let them know that you will still be around and that they can still reach out to you. There will be changes, like they are no longer in youth group, but let them know that your love and commitment to them will not change. Continue to follow up with them, grab coffee or visit with them, host a Bible study for graduates, connect them with your college ministry, and utilize other ways to connect during the summer months. These moments help students know that they still matter and that you, and your church, are for them.

Book Review: The Quick Reference Guide to Counseling Teenagers

Posted on by Leave a comment

Working with students means that inevitably you will end up engaging in counseling sooner than later. One of the things we have said often is know your limitations and know when to refer out to professionals who are trained in the areas you are not. That doesn’t mean you won’t ever engage in counseling, but it does mean we should know when and be able to refer out to trusted, licensed counselors.

But what about those times that you do need to offer counseling and advice? What do you do in those moments? My first guidance would be to seek out resources and training to help you grow as you serve and care for your students. One of the best resources I have found to help with these parts of our ministry is The Quick Reference Guide to Counseling Teenagers by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Chap Clark.

This is not a catch-all for counseling, nor does it make us a licensed clinical counselor, but it does provide beneficial guidance, resources, and productive ways to minister to and care for our students. This is also only one book in a series of counseling books that have been put out from the same group and all of them are incredibly helpful.

To start things off there is a table of contents that highlights various counseling areas that are listed alphabetically for a quick reference. Once you get to the area you are looking for assistance in, you will find that it starts with some case studies (portraits) and then definitions and key thoughts to help you understand what you are dealing with and how it can manifest in different people and circumstances. These will also help to outline and highlight various symptoms and/or patterns that may be exhibited in someone who is struggling.

That is followed by questions to ask which are often in the style of an intake session for counselors coupled with conversation prompts. Some of these questions will be for just the student and in others there will be questions for both parents and students. Then the authors provide action steps which can be for students and parents depending on the category, biblical insights, and prayer starters which are a must for any pastor or leader who is offering guidance and counseling. Lastly they offer up additional resources that are extremely helpful.

Overall, this book is a must for anyone serving in student ministry because it provides you with the resources and guidance you need for counseling students. For those who have minimal training in counseling this book provides a ton of helpful guidance and insight into how to care for your students. The biblical aspects are so necessary in our line of work and provide you with ways to help your students continue to grow in their discipleship relationship with Jesus even as they grapple with difficult aspects of their lives.

Some of the critiques of this book is that it is outdated (it was published in 2010) and it doesn’t have all the issues that student workers will encounter in our present environment. So it is highly important to keep that in mind as you look for the areas in which you’re going to be offering counsel. This isn’t a criticism of the book but a word of guidance for those who utilize this resource: the prompts can feel very basic and scripted if you simply state them as they are in the book (i.e. the questions, biblical insights, and prayer prompts). My encouragement would be to make these pieces personal and relational as you counsel your students.

It is helpful to remind everyone that if you don’t have a counseling degree and verification, you are not a counselor but a pastor who is offering care with counseling elements. Don’t ever offer counsel you are unsure of or don’t have the training to offer. Instead be willing to offer guidance and advice, and be willing to refer when needed.

At the end of the day, this book is one I would highly recommend to anyone who works with students. It is incredibly beneficial and will make you a better pastor, shepherd, and counselor to your students, leaders, and families.

The Importance of Leader Check-ins

Posted on by Leave a comment

We can all agree that leaders are the backbone to student ministries. Without them, our programs wouldn’t function how they do, we wouldn’t see spiritual and numerical growth in our ministries, and we wouldn’t be able to truly engage in the discipleship process.

It’s easy for us to recognize the necessity of leaders in our ministries, but how often are we engaging with and checking in on our leaders. They serve so consistently and selflessly, they constantly give of themselves, and put aside personal issues to invest in and care for their students. They are amazing people who have their own lives, families, and struggles. So how can we check in and love our leaders well?

Send a text or make a call.

This is a really easy way to check in and see how a leader is doing. It may be sparked by a conversation you had with a leader or noticing they were out of sorts at youth group or in response to a post on social media. This could even just be something you put into a normal rhythm of following up periodically with your people. These seemingly simple texts or calls show intentionality and care as you engage with your people.

Meet up for a meal.

I’ll be honest: this is one of my favorite things to do because food or coffee naturally help us lower our barriers and open up conversation. Plus it’s a way for me to bless my leaders by picking up the tab. It also communicates that this check-in is more than just a quick in and out but is something that matters and that shows as you spend time with them.

Ask meaningful questions.

When you’re in these intentional moments, make sure to ask thoughtful and intentional questions. You aren’t trying to grill them but instead are seeking to truly see how they are doing. Ask about work, family life, their faith journey, what’s been going well and not so well. Be willing to ask hard questions in love when needed. Don’t shy away from them but lean in with intentional love and discipleship as you care for your people.

Be willing to speak truth, show love, and engage in difficult moments.

I will be honest and say this is something I struggle with. I am a people-pleaser at heart and I always want people to walk away feeling good and happy. But when there are tough conversations to be had, it is difficult for me to always engage with them. What I have come to realize though is that by not having those conversations I am actually hindering that person in multiple ways.

Instead, we should be looking to speak truth and to step into hard moments. If you have noticed a leader seems to be struggling, ask about it but do it with love and grace. If you need to encourage a leader to take a break, lean into the relationship, show you care, and love them well. Stepping into the messiness of life shows your leader that you are willing to see them as a person who has to engage with this messed up life we are all trying to live, instead of as just a warm body at youth group.

Listen well.

Listening well is something that for many of us takes practice. But when we are seeking to care for our leaders, we shouldn’t just be looking to fix problems or listen to make sure they are “okay.” Instead you should listen with a desire to truly hear, understand, and be present with your leaders. Listen to know what is happening in their lives. Listen to understand. Listen with empathy and sympathy. The more you seek to listen well, the more your people will be seen, heard, appreciated, and valued.

Write them a note.

I am not good at this one. I don’t like writing because my hand cramps, I have horrible handwriting, and it takes a long time. But none of those are valid reasons to not do it because they are me-focused when these opportunities are meant to focus on others.

Personal notes are an amazing way to let people know you see them and care. Think about the last time someone dropped you a personalized note or the last intentional birthday card you got. Sitting down to write a note, to show your leaders you see them, and to let them know they matter is a huge way to show care. Be intentional in what you say. Encourage them. Send them a birthday card. Let them know they’re appreciated. These types of notes will be ones they save and hold onto because they encouraged them.

Celebrate, empathize, and participate with them.

This is a great way to show your leaders that you care. Celebrate the good moments with them: birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, kids graduating, a new job, a student following Jesus, or whatever the milestone may be. But also make sure to feel along with them in the good and bad moments.

There have been many times where leaders have cried as they bared their soul in my office. There have been moments where a leader breaks down and shares about their child’s struggle with mental health or their marriage isn’t working. These are hard moments, ones that will tear at your heart. But these are the moments when we can truly care well for our leaders.

We can celebrate with them, but we should also empathize with them. Allow them to see that you care, show them that they aren’t alone, and walk with them through life. The more we participate and share life with our leaders, the more we can care for them and be intentional at checking in.

Send them an encouraging and meaningful gift.

I know there’s a tension with gift-giving depending on your budget size or lack there of. But hear me out on this: an encouraging and meaningful gift doesn’t have to be expensive. It could be as simple as dropping off their favorite candy bar with a note. It could be a $5 gift card to a local coffee shop. Maybe it’s showing up with homemade cookies and sitting to talk while enjoying them. Or perhaps it’s making them something and sending it to them. These types of gifts show thoughtfulness and intentionality, while communicating how much you love and care for your people.

What was one way someone intentionally checked in on you? How has that shaped how you care for your people?

5 Relationships Every Youth Worker Needs

Posted on by Leave a comment

This week I was doing some reflecting and thinking about this question: what relationships do I have now that I wish younger Nick had, or had stepped into sooner? As I have been serving in ministry and getting to know myself better, I’ve realized that there are relationships I would have greatly benefited from if I had sought them out sooner.

Today, I want to share these relationships with you, and also to indicate that these relationships are not the only ones you need. They are simply some that I know would have benefited me sooner and hopefully will be a benefit to you as well.

1. A best friend.

I’m someone who typically has many acquaintances but only later in my adult life did I find the value of having closer friends and best friends. These are individuals that I can go to with anything and know they will hear me, challenge me, correct me, and be for me. These relationships are ones where I can grab a beer and have a casual conversation or sit down for hours to have deep and meaningful discussions. Having these relationships in your life will help you to truly be yourself and to feel loved, valued, and needed.

2. A mentor.

Having a good mentor in your life is a relationship that will hopefully ensure growth, development, and maturity. Ideally this person has more lived experience, and ministry experience, that they can utilize in your relationship. When someone is watching out for you and speaking truth into your life and ministry, it is an amazing opportunity for you to learn and flourish. These are individuals who are for you but also willing to offer correction and guidance as needed. If I had more of this when I first started out in ministry I would have had a lot less missteps and instead had more opportunities to grow and minister well.

3. A counselor.

Everyone should have a counselor regardless of how “okay” we may think we are. Having someone who is safe, trained, and licensed, who you can go to and be honest and raw with, is a necessity. It allows you to release well, process different relationships, emotions, and circumstances, and also provides you with the help you need whether you’re aware of it or not in the moment. These are the people that help you through the difficult moments, who allow you to process, and give you constructive and necessary paths to run on.

4. A peer.

This is a little different than a best friend or mentor, though they can at times be one and the same. But what I’m suggesting is finding a fellow youth worker(s) who you can share life with, talk shop with, and bounce ideas off of. This a great opportunity to share resources and insights, and it also allows for you to have someone in your life who understands what you’re walking through. It’s a friendly voice of a compatriot who is in your corner.

5. A chiropractor.

This one may make you chuckle, but please hear me out. As a young person I didn’t think I needed this relationship, but during 2020 and working at home, my back said otherwise. Getting to know our amazing chiropractor during that time was fantastic and so beneficial. But what I came to realize is that being proactive rather than reactive with your health is hugely important.

Instead of coming back from a retreat and popping a couple of Advils and pressing on, having your chiropractor truly take care of your back, neck, and hips is a necessary relationship. I see my chiropractor once a month and then at least twice a month when trips happen. These visits truly help my body to prepare and repair after busy seasons, trips, stressful work weeks, and just the everyday moments.

What relationship would you tell your younger self is a necessity?