Author: Nick Mance

Our Picks: Go-To Websites [Part Two]

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Last week we took a look at some of my go-to websites, but I couldn’t fit all of them in one post so I wanted to share some more with you. These websites are ones that have a lot of resources, but also allow for you to be equipped and affirmed in what you do. Some of them are more broad in what they provide, but others will be very specific as I believe they speak to areas in student ministry that we will all face at some point during our ministry careers.

Homeword

This website is a ministry of Jim Burns and Doug fields designed to help equip, grow, and strengthen families. As youth workers we must understand that we are being called to not only care for the youth we work with, but also to care for and help their families grow together and in their relationship with Jesus. Homeword provides a lot of free resources including a culture blog, an advice column, devotionals, blogs, and help for leaders. Jim’s blog has a lot of helpful information that will be highly beneficial to anyone in ministry. You can also sign up for seminars, training, and coaching through their website which is a great opportunity for equipping you or your leaders. There are also items you can purchase from them, and I would highly suggest purchasing as many of Jim Burn’s books as you can because they will help you succeed in ministry in so many ways.

CPYU (Center for Parent/Youth Understanding)

This website is managed by my good friend, Walt Mueller, and is honestly one the best resources for youth workers that I have ever come across. With decades of experience in youth ministry, studying culture, and educating youth workers and parents, Walt brings a wealth of knowledge to the table and looks to help you succeed. A few go-tos on the website for me include their blog, the podcast, movie and music reviews, trend alerts, and top tens. The resources on this website are endless and it isn’t just for understanding students and culture, they also advocate for sexual integrity, digital kids initiative, and college transitions. This website is one I am on constantly and have found to be exceptionally beneficial to my ministry.

Fight the New Drug

This is a great website that helps people who are struggling with pornography, as it provides resources, equips, and highlights the damages of porn and its subsequent results. Their blog is very helpful and beneficial, as well as their social media feeds, and they post content that is relevant for students, parents, and youth workers. This is not the 90’s and early 2000’s style of anti-porn websites, but rather one that looks to educate, help, and heal those caught in this vicious cycle. They are not a faith-based organization nor are they a legislative one, but one that looks to help others by raising awareness through science, facts, and personal stories. This is a great resource to have in your quiver to assist others and to help guard your own heart as you serve.

Preston Sprinkle

Preston Sprinkle is a professor, speaker, and a best-selling author who has taught on a wide variety of topics. Sprinkle looks to communicate Christian truths through thoughtfulness, honesty, and grace. He covers a wide variety of topics on his website including sexuality, alcohol, hell, and grace. His blog is thoughtful, provoking, challenging, and engaging. He will force you to think, dig deep into Scripture, and consider how you are communicating God’s Word to the upcoming generations. Sprinkle also has a podcast that is called Theology in the Raw in which he will look at different theological issues and also answer questions that you submit. This website is a great one for getting help to answer those hard question from students.

Christopher Yuan

Dr. Yuan is a noted writer, professor, speaker, and author who communicates in a raw and authentic way. Dr. Yuan’s testimony is one of a young man who was addicted to drugs, dealing drugs, and living as an openly gay man until he had a radical interaction with Jesus. His book Out of a Far Country chronicles his journey and looks at how God’s grace has ultimately changed his life, and he also seeks to clarify that God isn’t calling us to a certain sexuality, but rather to holiness. Dr. Yuan’s website has information about his story, speaking engagements, various articles, and videos to help in understanding and ministering to those struggling in this area.

Nancy Pearcey

Nancy Pearcey is an author, speaker, professor, and visiting scholar who speaks on a variety of topics including sexuality, identity, and healthy image. Pearcey is a thought-provoking writer and speaker who is a former agnostic and now an ardent supporter of Christianity. Her books are a must-have for any youth worker as they deal with many of the cultural issues our youth groups are currently facing. Her website includes links to her books, interviews, and more information about her work and ministry. Her Twitter handle is a must follow as she consistently posts relevant and thoughtful information.

Rosaria Butterfield 

Rosaria Butterfield is a former lesbian who was an outspoken critic of religion and all that comes with it. Through a radical conversion with Jesus her life changed, and she began to pursue Him and His mission for her life. Her website has some amazing resources including commonly asked questions about sexuality and the LGBTQ Community with very thoughtful and personal responses. Her questions page also has many other key areas that she focuses on including growing in your faith, personal struggles, politics, and social change. She also has a a link for finding certified Biblical counselors who will love, care for, and walk with people. This is a great resource to have for those moments when you need clarity, wisdom, or help in caring for those in your flock.

My hope is that these resources help to equip you and make you a better minister to those under your charge. You may not need all of these, but I do hope that at least one of these websites helps you as you follow the calling God has placed on your life.

Our Picks: Go-To Websites [Part One]

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On this edition of Our Picks, I wanted to share some awesome online resources with you. Throughout my time in ministry these websites have provided me with a lot of skills, resources, sermon tools, and much more. This will be part one of the picks because I didn’t want to overwhelm you with too much information. Instead, I want to encourage you to click through these resources and see what will be most helpful to you. Next week I will drop the second part and hopefully those will also be beneficial.

Some of the resources will be repeated from our last edition of Our Picks, but I will also go a little more in-depth about what you can find on each website. My prayer is that these resources can help you in your current ministry position and that they equip you and your ministry.

The Source for Youth Ministry

This is an amazing website with a bunch of free materials that is curated by Jonathan McKee and other youth ministry veterans. Jon is a great guy and friend, and the content he puts out is next-to-none. You can find free resources including thousands of games, discussion starters for movies and music, curriculum, messages, event ideas, articles, and much more. His online game generator is a must-have resource: simply plug in what you need and his website cultivates a game for your group. This is a lifesaver. Aside from all the free stuff, Jon also has tons of materials you can purchase and his books are phenomenal. I personally have purchased most, if not all, of his books for the solid materials and practical application they offer.

The Source for Parents

This is another website that Jonathan McKee has started because he understood the need for student ministry leaders to walk alongside parents and help equip them. This is a must-have resource for youth leaders as you look to walk with families and help them to be all that God has intended. Jon includes video game reviews, conversation starters for current music, discussions for current Netflix and Hulu series, cultural insight, curriculum, an opportunity to submit questions, and tons of amazing articles. Jon’s insight into the parenting world is solid, and will help you grow as a leader and shepherd to the families under your care.

LeaderTreks

This website has been churning out amazing student ministry sources for a long time and has a litany of great materials. The first thing you should do is create a log in and sign up for all their emails. You will get a ton of free resources sent right to your inbox that are great to have in your repertoire. Once you have your log in set up, click around the website and see what you can find. They have a freebie section that you need to just download everything from, and the paid resources are some of the best I have seen. The Deep Discipleship curriculum is amazing for student leaders or for small groups to work through as they grow in their faith. Also, if you are a church that has a D-Now weekend, make sure to check out all of their studies for that and you will find ready-to-go resources right in your hands.

Download Youth Ministry

If you haven’t heard of DYM yet, you need to check this website out! This is the brainchild of Doug Fields and Josh Griffin, and it was created as a place to have amazing curriculum, resources, and games. It also allows youth workers to sell their curriculum to others as a resource and means of income.

In order to utilize the full potential of the website, I would encourage you to create a log in and sign up for one of the memberships. It does cost money for the different memberships, but the Gold Membership is one the best deals in the youth ministry world. You get free downloads each month, online credit to the store, training resources, access to Sidekick (a ministry presentation tool and so much more), a newsletter builder, and much more.

There are also freebies on this website that are super helpful, but the curriculum and games can be lifesavers in student ministry. You can search based on your needs, the type of group you ministering to, and what you are looking to teach in order to help your youth group grow and flourish.

Youth Specialties

Youth Specialties is an awesome resource for everyone to be aware of. Their website hosts a job search function for youth pastors which allows you to search for a job, post a job, or search for applicants who may fit a need in your ministry. They also have a great blog that is curated by youth ministry veterans, current youth workers, and amazing writers from all over. The content that is provided is extremely beneficial for youth workers and will provide you with main tips and tools for working in ministry, as well as refreshing your mind and spirit. There is a great search function for the blog to find just what you need, so make sure to spend some time checking this out.

Parent Ministry

In order to have a successful student ministry, you must be thinking about ministering to the student holistically. This means, in addition to caring for the student, you have to be ministering to their parents, and their families. This website is one of the best out there for how to do just that. The materials they offer include a ready-to-go parenting website created for your ministry, tons of discussion starters and activities for parents, book reviews, articles, research, curated experiences for families, parenting classes, newsletter materials, and so much more. Another huge part of this website is they have content for either parents of students or parents of children, or you can get both and get all the material you need to help you minister to families.

There is a cost to all of this material, and they only open membership once a year. In order to know when the next enrollment period is, make sure to sign up at the bottom of the homepage. You will not regret this, and you will become a better youth worker as a result of leveraging this amazing resource.

Campus Ministry Link

An area many student ministries need to grow in is the transition from high school to college ministry. It isn’t always easy or fluid, especially when students are going away for school and entering a new environment. It is often hard for students to get connected to a church or ministry because they are overwhelmed or ill-prepared for how to even begin the search. This then leads to many students walking away from the church and their faith.

Enter Campus Ministry Link. This is a relatively new resource that is designed to combat the statistics and create a place to help students get connected to churches and ministries in colleges. This website is a search tool designed for students, parents, youth workers, and churches. Once you have selected the appropriate designation for who you are, you can search for schools and find the ministries and churches that are in that area. Or if you are a youth worker or church representative, you can add in your church information and help other students who are searching.

I recently rolled this out to our graduates and their families, and everyone was able to find at least one ministry or church near their school through this resource. The website also has some amazing resources including articles and video clips that are worthwhile and beneficial. I will say that since the ministry is just getting off the ground it isn’t foolproof or without glitches, but it is definitely a resource to have ready and one that I have found very helpful for my graduates.

The Art of Rest

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Recently I shared with our student ministry that rest is vital and necessary in our lives, and in fact is commanded by God throughout Scripture. Rest is something I have never been good at. I am a high capacity person: I wake up early, can run on little sleep, and just go. Rest has been something I have struggled with for so long, and after walking through the message I shared with my high school students, I knew I needed to share this with others and keep preaching this to myself.

Rest is holistic; it isn’t just sleeping or napping or tuning out, but a state of refreshment by pausing and being with God, allowing Him to take your burdens, and stopping to enjoy what He has given to you. I find that I can be with God but I don’t always give my burdens to Him or pause to enjoy life. Even on vacation I catch myself counting the days we have left, and thinking about what will happen when I return, rather than enjoying the time away.

As I was self-assessing, I came to this realization: there are others in ministry who function in the same manner. We understand our calling and mission and will sacrifice our own time, energy, bodies, and whatever else it calls for to see that mission fulfilled. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how un-biblical that actually is. God doesn’t call us to kill ourselves, but instead to find our rest and strength in Him. He sustains and empowers us.

From this understanding and some evaluation of past ministries and ways of living, let me encourage you to think about implementing these tips into your life to help you in resting and staying in ministry longer.

Spend regular time with Jesus.

This is one of those that we teach and espouse often, but it is also true that in our lives this can be the first area to suffer when we don’t rest well. We may still read our Bibles and pray, but when was the last time you spent quality time with Jesus? When was the last time you truly worshiped and just rested in Him? This is a challenge for anyone, but we as ministers of the Gospel must make this a priority. Truly our rest only comes when we are with Christ and giving Him everything.

Spend time with your spouse and family.

We are called by God to first be in relationship with Him and then to be ministering to, loving, and sharing life with our families. Often the priorities get misplaced in ministry with family being the number three priority (or less in some cases) because ministry becomes an idol. In fact, in the Epistles you see Paul talk about having your marriage in order before serving in ministry, because a marriage reflects into the ministry regardless of health status. But in order to rest well, and to be refreshed, we must pour into and care for our families. If we aren’t sharing where we are at with them, the stress will continue to grow, and potentially we may view the family as a contributing factor. Bring them in, share life, love them well, and watch as family changes into a refuge for you.

Have regular date nights and honor them.

Man, I wish I had done this sooner in my marriage. When Elise and I were first married, our schedules did not work well together. Hers was fluid and changed each week, and included working weekends. Mine was Sunday through Thursday, and there were some weeks we saw each other only as we went to bed. Date nights weren’t a thing because nights together didn’t happen often. Because of that we ended up not growing as a couple, and we knew something had to change. We picked a day (Friday nights) and have become very protective of that. We tell everyone about it, and now even our students ask what we are doing on date night. In essence we are setting an example for the families we serve by leading out. Let me also encourage you that when, not if, you are out and a church member or student stops you to not cut off the conversation in a rude way, but be honest and let them know you are on date night. It may feel awkward, but you have to protect your time together.

Honor your days off.

Let me say this: you get days off, treat them as days off! Don’t do work on your days off, don’t just “pop into the office for a few minutes.” Don’t be checking your email, or responding to a work-based text. We, you, deserve days off and rest like anyone else. This may mean you have to set up or reestablish boundaries at your job and within the context of your ministry, but it is healthy to do so. Yes, in ministry you can feel like you have to always be “on” but don’t let that detract from your time away and with those you love.

Find a hobby and do it.

Often when it comes to rest, people still need to be doing something. Rest doesn’t mean idleness or laziness, but resting in God and who He designed you to be. For me I have gotten into various hobbies over the years: cooking (let me know if you want my truffle, oatmeal cookie, or burger recipe), candle making, reading, biking, and much more. It hasn’t always stayed the same, but it allows for me to decompress and commune with God. Often during these moments I find myself talking to God, humming worship songs, thinking about Scripture, and finding ways to just be silent and rest in Christ.

Use your vacation time.

I will be honest: I am horrible at this. I always have extra time at the end of the year, and I am so bad at looking to use that time. In a way I feel guilty because I am taking time from where God has called me. But the reality we must face is threefold:

  1. Your vacation is part of your employment package so use it – letting it go to waste is like wasting your paycheck. One of my bosses made it clear to me that you were given this time because you deserve it and are worth it, so use it.
  2. By not taking your vacation time, you are essentially telling your family they aren’t worth your time, and the church is more important than they are. You must set an example for them that God has called you first to them, and then the church. And one of the ways you show this is by being with them, not just on days off, but on vacations and special moments.
  3. You aren’t the cornerstone of your ministry, Christ is. I think sometimes we worry about taking time off because we don’t have anyone to run the program. I get it, I have been there. But one of the worst feelings I have ever felt is when I had students and parents look me in the eye and say “this ministry will die because you are leaving.” If that is the way we run our ministries my friends, then we have failed. Our ministry should be rooted in Christ, and as such we should be building teams of people like He did who can do what we are doing. We should be training others to do what we do, which will allow for them to grow and bring freedom and peace into your own life.

Keep track of your hours, responsibilities, and other duties as an employee of the church.

Many times we just give of our time and it is easy to overextend yourself, especially if you are salaried. However, that isn’t healthy or needed. If you find you are always working, always doing, always on-call, start tracking what you are doing and bring others in. If needed, go to your supervisor and let them know what is happening and be honest with them. Let them know if you are struggling. Let them know if you need help or are drowning. I know this can be terrifying because the “what ifs” begin to abound. But if our leaders are truly following Jesus and being sensitive to His heart and leading, they should be good shepherds who care about their staff. This starts by being open and honest with them about where you are at.

Take time away from social media.

Social media can be defeating and debilitating. The sin of comparison can often make youth workers feel inadequate, envious, and lesser because of what they see others doing. If you are feeling exhausted or burned out, don’t just take time off, take time away from social media. It can be a fast for a day, a week, or month, or it can be by having regular unplugged days for you and your family. Elise and I have done this periodically in our marriage where we noticed we weren’t always communicating because we we using technology to fill that need. Eventually we took Monday nights and said no technology. It was awesome! We talked, played games, went on walks, and bonded as a couple. Let me encourage you to consider doing this as well.

Rest is hard, especially when you are in ministry. But we must rest. In order to be effective disciples of Jesus, spouses, parents, and ministers, we have to be resting in Christ. Let me encourage you to build healthy habits of rest and refreshment in your life, and to make sure your priorities are in order. Now go take a nap, spend time with those you love, and lean deep into Christ for sustainment.

Am I Too Old for Student Ministry? [Part Two]

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Last week we dove into the topic of being “too old” to serve in student ministry, and dispelled some myths we have allowed ourselves to believe. Today we’re continuing that conversation.

There are times in student ministry when we begin asking questions about ourselves and if we are still called to serve in the same capacity. Often times this happens after a difficult season, a rough conversation, or when we are close to burnout. We also see this manifest itself in regard to age. We ask if we have been in it too long, if we are still relevant, or if we’re called elsewhere because we’ve done our time.

If you are currently serving in student ministry and asking if you have gotten to be “too old” for it, let me encourage you to ask yourself some questions and self-assess. Take time to think through why you are feeling this way, and if you need to make a change. The following questions aren’t meant to be a fix all, but instead designed to have you critically analyze where you are, and determine the reasons behind your feelings.

Am I still relating to students and parents?

Often times we ask ourselves if we are still relating well. I think we sell ourselves short and believe that if we aren’t completely relevant we aren’t relating well. Relating isn’t about relevance, it is about relationships. Ask yourself if you are still communicating the truths of Scripture into the lives of those under your charge.

If you find that perhaps you aren’t, or there isn’t the passion you had before, dig into the reasons behind it. Check your heart and your relationship with Jesus. Ask, “What is keeping me from pouring out?” Seek to recharge, grow, and improve, and then see what God does.

Is there something I am not doing that I should do to be a better leader?

Often when we feel burned out or that we are “too old,” we need to step back and ask if there’s something missing. Is there something you could be doing to help you be better at what is happening in your ministry? If you find yourself not being up to running games anymore, that isn’t cause to stop being in student ministry but instead is an opportunity to empower and build up other leaders to help carry the charge. Instead of looking to walk away, first look to see if there are areas to improve.

Have I stopped caring?

If you find yourself not caring anymore, let me encourage you to take some time away and do some internal checkups on yourself. Often when we get frustrated or hurt and nothing is done to rectify that moment, we tend to want to walk away and be done. If you find you have stopped caring, please take time to self-assess and heal. Look deeply into what is causing these feelings and seek to move forward in healing for yourself. If you allow this feeling to continue to grow and fester it won’t only hamper your ministry to students but also your relationship with God.

Why do I view myself as inadequate or antiquated?

I have often heard from older and more seasoned volunteers that they feel inadequate or antiquated and because of that, they aren’t sure they should continue serving. Let me pause and say that no matter what age you are, you can still pour into the lives of students. Step back and ask yourself why you’re feeling this way. What has led you to this moment? Was it a hard moment, a parent’s comment, was it some asking you if you can keep serving students? Stop and assess, and then look at your heart and what you are passionate about. Are you still feeling called to love and care for students? If so, stick with it and run after them.

What am I looking for?

This is a hard question to ask because it gets to the root of what we are desiring. You must ask yourself if you are looking to “advance” or if God is truly calling you to a different role. I want to be pretty blunt here: student ministry is not a lesser role, nor is it a stepping stone for advancement. If you are using it that way, please step out sooner than later because ultimately you will hurt students and hamper their spiritual growth. In order to find out what you are looking for, let me encourage you to think through these areas: are you looking to advance in status, are you looking for better pay, do you want an easier role, is God calling you elsewhere, or are you just frustrated in the moment? These will help you to discern more about what is happening in your heart and where you need to be.

Do I need to find time to rest and recharge?

Many times when we question our abilities or consider stepping away, it is because of overworking and burnout. Before you think about throwing in the towel, take time to rest, reevaluate, spend time with Jesus, and have mentors speak into your life. Being able to reevaluate with a fresh set of eyes and a still heart will help you to see what is truly happening and engage in healthy ways.

Am I still excited about student ministry?

If you are serving in student ministry and your passion isn’t there, ask yourself if you still find joy in what you do, or is just something you show up to. There are seasons that are harder than others, but if you have found yourself to be struggling in enjoying what you do and what you are called to, get some people to speak into your life. Look at your relationships with God, family, and friends and see if you’re getting fed. Often we must look to the heart to see if we are spiritually healthy and then we can assess why we aren’t excited about our calling.

Am I simply looking for something different?

Sometime we just need a change of scenery. This isn’t a calling away from youth ministry but perhaps God is moving you in another direction to help others. First ask yourself if you are just looking to shake things up. Do you just need to try something new or change the structure, schedule, or format of the program? Don’t just walk away, look to see if changing something is where you are being led.

What would my students say if I left?

This isn’t the final and only say because there are always students who will say not to leave and the wise-cracking ones who will say you should never have come. But what I would encourage you to do is ask former and current students who you know have valid and thoughtful insight and see what they say. Ask them how they would feel if you left. Ask them if they could see God directing you elsewhere. Sometimes what we need to hear is encouragement that we are doing what God has called us to, and let’s be honest…the praise and encouragement of a students means a lot to us. Knowing we are doing what we are called to and that life change is happening is often the encouragement we need to continue in student ministry.

Am I making a difference?

This is a question you should ask yourself, your leaders, parents, and those closest to you. Don’t bank on one negative comment, or one student who writes off your program, but listen to those who know and love you. Let them be honest with you and see what their honest insight is into your ministry. A second set of eyes goes a long way in encouraging us and making sure we are on the right path.

 

Some of the best leaders I have served with have been many generations removed from this current one, and their students loved them. Not because of their sport prowess, or their ability to use technology, but because their leaders loved them, championed them, challenged them, and lived out Jesus to them.

No matter your age, if you are called, you are called! Personally, I believe an inter-generational student ministry is one where students, leaders, and families will thrive. Every ministry and church is to be a picture of heaven, and as such should have an inter-generational focus to it. We are called to shepherd and love those who are younger, and we are to mirror the kingdom of heaven in all we do. Because of that we should have old and young people together. Grandparents and parents should be serving with students. And the church should be a place of discipleship and inter-generational ministry. You are never too old, you are called and chosen!

Am I Too Old for Student Ministry? [Part One]

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What is the ideal age to volunteer in youth ministry? At what age should I step away from working with youth? Am I too old to volunteer? Is there any real benefit to having older generations serve in student ministry?

These are questions I have been asked countless times in a multitude of ministry settings. For some reason we have begun to believe that our ability to to engage with and serve others is directly dependent upon our age. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Before I get into the “right age for student ministry leaders” let me first dispel some myths we have allowed ourselves to believe:

I don’t understand culture, therefore I cannot relate to students.

I think sometimes we try to sell ourselves short because there is a generational divide or perhaps we don’t understand what is happening in our world. But the reality is you don’t need to understand culture to love and serve students. We aren’t called to be ambassadors for the culture but for Christ. So I would encourage you to consider stepping in and leading students by showing how the Gospel permeates all parts of their lives. But also let me encourage you to be a student of culture. Don’t sit by and think that because you can point students to Jesus, that you don’t need to understand what is happening. This is their world, so understanding it more will help you better serve them and point them to Jesus.

Technology isn’t for me, so I can’t communicate in the way students need.

I get it! It is so hard to keep up with technology, in fact students struggle with it too. What might be in today, will be replaced tomorrow. But here is what you need to know: simply because you don’t understand or don’t use technology is not a reason to be disqualified from serving in student ministry. In fact, I believe students need to disconnect from technology more because they are missing out on interpersonal relationships. Using who you are and your desire to connect on a relational level with them is more valuable than your technological prowess. Use this as leverage, not a crutch. But let me also encourage you to at least get into texting with students. You don’t need to use social media (although it wouldn’t hurt to have an account), but texting is the way the majority of students communicate. And if you don’t have a texting plan, check out various free apps (like WhatsApp) to use texting free of charge over WiFi.

I am too old to keep up with students, so I’m out.

Let me be pretty frank here: I am 33 years old and I can’t keep up with students. I try, but usually just end up getting hurt. Just because we may not have the physic we once did, the ability to put away food and not gain weight, or the energy that our students have isn’t a reason to walk away. Some of the coolest moments I have witnessed is when my older leaders love on students, play games even when they know they won’t win, and encourage their students. The ability to laugh, share life, and just be with one another is more important than being able to “keep up” with them. You don’t need to be the superstar athlete or the leader who can compete in triathlons, you need to be a leader who loves students, pours into them, validates them, and sticks around. That is more important than trying to keep up.

Students won’t listen to me because I am so old.

Students can be tough. I am a student pastor and there are times I truly wonder if they hear what I am teaching them. I prepare messages, I study hard, I try to relate, but there are moments I know they don’t listen. But I am not saying that to discourage you. In fact I am saying that to encourage you! Because while some students may not always listen, there are those that do. And even the ones who may not listen for a season do hear and learn from what you say and do. Don’t think that if someone doesn’t listen you aren’t needed or valued. In fact it is just the opposite. Lean in, keep pursuing them, and love them all the more.

I am more of a parent figure than a leader.

Sweet! Me too! I have worked with many parents and grandparents who don’t want to be seen that way because they fear it will keep students from opening up or discredit them. What I say to that is this: students need parents and parent figures. So many students today don’t have solid parents or role models so be that for them. Show them what a loving mom or dad or grandparent looks like. You aren’t there to parent them, but to love them and point them to Jesus, and the way you do that is by being who God has made you to be. Mom, Dad, brother, sister, grandpop, grandmom, and friend. That is who you are live it out. Don’t pigeonhole yourself and think it disqualifies you, use who God made you to be to reach students.

Teens scare me! I don’t think I could do this.

That’s okay, adults scare me! There are always going to be moments when fear invades our hearts, but we cannot give it the ability or the forum to control our lives. If you are scared of serving students, ask yourself, “What scares me about it?” And seek to overcome it. God didn’t give you a spirit of fear or timidity, but a spirit of power! Use it and pour into students.

So to answer the question, what is the right age…well honestly the right age is whenever God calls you to student ministry. You are never too old, you are never too removed, you are never past your prime. If God has put students on your heart run after them. Love them like Christ loves the church. Share life with them. Listen to them. Mentor them and bring them in. Don’t let perceived inadequacies or fear keep you from action, but rely upon God, study up on culture, and run hard after students.

If you are currently serving in student ministry and wondering if you are “too old” for it, next week we will dive into some questions you can ask to self-assess.

Surviving the Tough Side of Ministry: 7 Thoughts on Self-Care

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Let’s be real for a moment: Ministry is hard. It can be soul crushing, emotionally draining, depressing, and filled with anxiety. It has extreme highs, but also some of the darkest lows.

As a pastor or ministry leader, we feel the weight of what is happening in our ministries and churches. We bear the hurt and pain of our people, we feel deeper than most because we have been called to care for God’s sheep. The words people say, the loose tongue of a parent, the critique of a church member, a critical response from a staff member; they cut deep. We begin to question our skill set, our passion, our knowledge, and yes, even our calling. There are moments we feel so inadequate we feel like walking away. Moments after an amazing event or conversation that break us and make us feel worthless. Moments when we question, “why do I even do this anymore?”

Perhaps you are there now. Maybe it is has been that type of day, week, month, or year for you. Brothers and sisters let me encourage you: God has called you to this! You are being used in ways you could not imagine, and He is at work in and through you! Know you are not alone. I, we, have been there. And by His grace and the support of others you will make it through this season.

I have experienced deep hurt in ministry. I have been accused, personally and professionally attacked, and had my calling challenged. But as hard as those moments have been I have come out stronger, more affirmed, and more confirmed in my calling. The fire doesn’t stop you, it refines you. The pain you walk through, the burdens you bear, make you a better pastor and shepherd of your people. Know that the pain and hurt isn’t the defining moment of who you are, but a moment to better refine you to be who God has destined you to be. So as someone who has been in these moments and continues to walk through them, I want to offer you a few thoughts on self-care.

1. Make sure you are spending time with Jesus outside of “work time.” Don’t let prep for your Sunday or midweek service be your time with Jesus. Don’t just pray at church venues. Spend constant daily time with Jesus, and just like we tell our students, even if it is hard. Throughout the Psalms we see David struggle in his relationship with God but it doesn’t stop him from going to God. Be raw and real. Be honest with God about where you are.

2. Be honest with your spouse. I get it, we try to spare them and not burden them. Certain leadership moments and meetings have to stay there. But you need to be honest about where you are at and what you are feeling. If it has been a hard day, don’t mask it and don’t try to hide it. Be honest. This isn’t a free pass to be a complete tool to your spouse, but being honest and processing your feelings and responses is healthy and needed for your soul. Bring them in. Share what is happening so you have the one person God designed for you walking with you.

3. Go to a trusted mentor or leader outside the church and ask for their insight, feedback, and encouragement. I would highly encourage that you go to someone outside the church who is removed from whatever is happening. Often we will feel depleted and used up because of a certain moment, comment, person, or leader who is in our congregation. Having a removed third party will offer creative and critical insight into helping you move through it, grow, and respond. Find someone who has served in ministry longer than you and who understands the demands you are faced with.

4. Find someone to talk to. What I mean by this is that in many cases it is healthy to speak to a counselor about what is happening because of how it is affecting you. There are so many preconceived notions about counselors and counseling, but let me dispel them for you. I actually believe that it is healthy for all ministers (and their families) to periodically see a counselor to process what is happening in their lives. This isn’t a sign of weakness or defeat, but of strength and victory. Often a knowledgeable source and listening ear can offer effective, meaningful, and corrective insight into how to grow, adapt, and become stronger in who God made you to be.

5. Be honest with your superiors. I know as I type this that many will chuckle and say “yeah right!” I totally get it, I really do. I have been burned my superiors more than once. I have been hung out to dry. But here is the thing: that isn’t always the case. I am still trying to move past my timidity in bringing leadership in, but what I can tell you is that in my current context my superiors are for me! It is such a welcomed change, but if I had not brought them in I would still be on an island. Being honest with those over you before things blow up allows you to build trust and rapport, and to have people who have your back.

6. Step back and self-assess. Often times when we are hurt it may be due to our own pride and insecurities, but we don’t always see it. It is easy when many sing our praises, but if one negative comment crushes you and makes you question what you are doing, consider stepping back. Take some time to assess what you value: is it the praise and affirmation, or seeing the kingdom of God advanced? Either way there is still hurt and difficult moments, but the result is much different depending on where our heart is. So take a couple of days to remove distractions and spend time with God. Have others speak into your life. Bring in trusted mentors and confidantes. And use this as a time to heal and refresh.

7. Make sure your priorities are in order. I think what happens to the best of us is we make our ministry the focus of who we are and what we do. We are all about it because God has called us to it. But we cannot forget our first calling is to be a child of God. If we forget that our first calling is to love God, and instead believe the lie that serving our ministry is the same thing, then perhaps we need to step back from ministry. The same can be said of your family life. If you find you are sacrificing time with family, your spouse, your kids to be at your ministry, I would argue it is time for you to reassess your priorities. We are called first as children of God, second as husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers, and third as ministry leaders. We are to make sure our relationship is right with God, right with the family that is to mirror our relationship with Jesus, and then right with our ministry we serve in.

The reality is this: ministry is hard. But the reward is this: people will know Jesus and experience eternity with Him. The calling you carry is a heavy one my friends, but know you don’t do it alone. You have many who have gone before, many surrounding you now, and a Father who cares more than you can know. He will sustain and use you through the darkest of moments.

You have been called for a purpose, you are a kingdom worker, you are a chosen child of God, and you are chosen for such a time as this. Know that I am praying for you and am always willing to talk.

Our Picks: 10 Must-Follow Twitter Accounts

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Today we are starting a series that will show up periodically called: Our Picks. This series is designed to look at resources and tools to help youth workers succeed. Part of what we want to do here at Kalos is encourage and equip other youth workers by getting the best possible resources into your hands.

This post will look at my (Nick’s) must-follow Twitter accounts. These aren’t exhaustive, and trust me I may post more about this later because picking just ten is incredibly difficult! But I do believe these accounts will be advantageous to anyone who utilizes them, their resources, and the people who curate them.

1. @CPYU – CPYU stands for the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding and is run by Walt Mueller. Walt and his team have been investing in the lives of families for over 30 years, and they produce quality resources. Their mission is to work with churches, schools, and community organizations to build stronger relationships between young people and those charged with helping them grow into healthy adulthood.

One of the benefits of CPYU is that many of their resources are free and easily accessible. They deal with cultural trends, family dynamics, youth ministry resources, and difficult topics like self-harm, eating disorders, LGBTQ+, and many others. One of the best resources they have is their podcast, Youth Culture Matters, which I would highly recommend listening to; it is one of the best out there.

2. @HomeWordCenter – HomeWord is the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacifica University and is curated by Dr. Jim Burns (see below), Doug Fields, and Jim Liebelt. They put out quality resources and their mission is “Helping Families Succeed.” This website contains Dr. Burn’s blog which will deal with marriage, families, relationships, and much more; free resources on cultural trends, devotionals, help for leaders, and advice; and there is an online store to purchase additional materials.

3. @drjimburns – Jim Burns is one of the founders and creators of HomeWord and contributes to the HomeWord website and resources. He has been instrumental in helping parents, marriages, families, and children in understanding key developmental aspects in their relationships, and providing insight and knowledge into helping to shape and grow families.

4. @christopheryuan – Dr. Yuan is a professor, author, and speaker who specializes in helping people understand biblical sexuality and identity. His content is Biblically sound, theologically thought out, and easy to understand. He gives insight that church leaders can easily use in a variety of contexts and and is always willing to look to the heart and Gospel rather than just issue blanket statements. Dr. Yuan writes often on various topics and these can be found on his website.

5. @JackieHillPerry – Jackie Hill Perry is an author, speaker, spoken word artist, and very active on her social media accounts. Jackie wrote a book called “Gay Girl, Good God” which looks at her life as a gay woman and how the Gospel radically changed her life. Jackie is very honest, real, and thoughtful in her approach to homosexuality and any topic she discusses. Be prepared to laugh, be challenged, and think through a variety of topics should you follow her.

6. @DianeLangberg – Diane Langberg, PhD, is a noted psychologist for trauma survivors and clergy, an international speaker, author, and consultant. Diane has her own podcast, resources, and articles where she helps survivors process through what happened, talks through ways to move through pain and grief, examines the church’s role in counseling, and equips ministers of the Gospel to helps others.

7. @PrestonSprinkle – Preston Sprinkle, PhD, is an author, speaker, professor, and avid blogger. Preston speaks on a variety of topics that churches have often shied away from. He approaches topics like sexuality, identity, hell, violence, and much more. Sprinkle always looks to make you think, to challenge the status quo, and to help you process through a thoughtful and Biblical response to how we engage with culture. His website has his blog, resources, his podcast, and much more.

8. @timothyeldred – Tim is an author, speaker, pastor, and a great friend. Tim has a heart for students and you see this often in the content he puts out. He is also the author of “Alone Sucks;” the founder of YouEquip, which helps to set youth workers in the proper role while moving them toward greater success; and the founder of WAVES, which is a worldwide program designed to help young people grow, recognize their potential, put their faith into action, and change the world.

9. @stuffyoucanuse – Stuff You Can Use is a great resource for any youth worker or for a pastor who oversees a youth worker or youth ministry. They put out great resources (many of which are free), develop and offer curriculum, host online forums and Facebook groups, and are actively engaged in helping and coaching youth workers. This is a community resource and a place to be grown, challenged, resourced, and equipped.

10. @fullerFYI – Fuller Youth Institute is a great resource that looks at handling everything student- and family-oriented and is a must-follow. They are constantly researching, posting new content, offering resources, and hosting interviews and podcasts. This is an invaluable resource for anyone in any ministry position as it will offer you great insight and understanding in how to minister to the families in your church.

I hope you give all of these resources a follow and that they benefit your ministry and you as you serve. I would love to hear of some of your favorite Twitter accounts and can’t wait to check them out as well!

5 Thoughts for New Ministry Leaders

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I have been in ministry for over a decade and since then I have learned a lot about stepping into new roles and what to do and not do. If I were being completely honest, I failed in more ways than I care to admit when it came to stepping into a new role. I was often rash, too direct, quick to assert my ideas over another person’s, and way too aggressive.

Looking back I could make the argument that all of those characteristics were done with good intentions, but how I went about sharing ideas, vision, and implementation could have been handled in much better ways. What I want to share with you in this post are 5 key tips to remember as you step into a new ministry. These are not exhaustive, but I think if we remember them they will help anyone stepping into a new ministry position or role within a church.

1. Take change slowly. I remember my first paid ministry gig. I was a 24 year old senior pastor where the median age at the church was 55+. I was hired in to fill the pulpit, but very quickly asserted myself and began to take over other ministry roles held by leaders in the church because I saw how to “do it better.” My intention wasn’t to alienate anyone or to push people aside. In fact, in my heart I truly was doing it all for the kingdom of heaven, but in running so hard after the success and mission, I missed the people.

So many people had gone before me. They had put blood, sweat, and many tears into the ministry. They had great ideas. But when I started I thought I knew better. I had the experience, the ministry degree, the calling. But I missed the people and the reasons they had done things.

So here is my challenge to you: when you start fresh somewhere make sure to slow down, to listen, to bring people in, to build a team, and take your time making changes. A good rule of thumb is to wait 6 months to make big changes and to bring people in as you make small and large changes.

2. Make sure to build relationships and cast vision well. Often times it is easy to come and make changes because you believe and know it is the right thing to do. But if you don’t bring people in and share that with them, then more often than not, that change will fail. Before you even begin to make changes, build relationships.

Our ministry philosophy should never be program over people, but instead should be rooted in relational ministry as we mirror the philosophy of Christ. When you build relationships you are intentionally growing your team and helping them to see and believe in the vision. Change then becomes natural and part of the ministry DNA. Instead of making changes and trying to catch people up, build into people and let the vision flow through the relationship, then see people move the vision with you.

3. Always be willing to adapt. I am a Jersey Boy born and raised, but I went to school in the Midwest and did ministry there for over 5 years. What I learned very quickly is the Midwest is very different from the East Coast. The way of life, the pace at which things are done, the interactions between people, and even the way religion and faith are viewed were all very different.

What this meant for me when I stepped into a new ministry role is that I had to be willing to adapt my methodology, philosophy, and strategies toward my ministry setting. I wasn’t compromising my beliefs, values, or plans but instead was assessing my new ministry setting and working within the culture and respecting the people I was serving. Doing this will allow for more intentional interactions, rapid building of rapport and trust, and demonstrate to your people that you are there to minister to them not to be the center of the ministry (people over programs).

4. Take time to invest in the community. Depending on where you live and the size of the church you serve in, it can become easy to only be focused on the church family. Meaning, sometimes it is hard to see outside the walls you serve and work in.

My first paid ministry position was with a church that had 10 people including me. We met in the back room of an American Legion Hall and no one knew where or who we were. I began branding the church, looking for a new space, and developing our leaders. All great things in the big process, but I missed caring for and stepping into the community we served. Only when I physically moved into the community did I begin to see the needs and understand how to holistically serve our church and the community together. Then we saw not only growth in the church, but healing and hope come into a very broken area.

When you invest in the community more options are presented for the Gospel to go forth, people begin to see the church as the Bride of Christ, change begins to happen, and healing comes in amazing ways. So go to school games, check out community events, go to PTO meetings, bring donuts to various organizations or community groups, shop local, and look to give back. When you look outside the walls and understand your community, you are able to better invest in your ministry as a whole and this will naturally bring people in.

5. Finally, find a mentor. This is something I would highly recommend to anyone regardless of age, ministry experience, length of time at a ministry location, or level of education. Mentors help in so many ways from bouncing ideas and implementation strategies off of them, to having an empathetic and sympathetic person to lean into, and in many ways having someone to tell you when you have done a great job and when you need to shape up. A mentor is an advocate and a friend, and if I were honest with you sometimes both of those are hard to come by in a ministry setting.

I would encourage you to find someone outside of your church, someone who has been in ministry or served in a church in some capacity, is more seasoned than you are, and is willing to pour into you and speak truth into your life. This will allow for you to be open and honest without fear of reprisal and also help you to grow as a ministry leader. Be willing to listen to encouragement and criticism, process through difficult moments, to be grown and stretched, and to invest relationally. This will be one of the best decisions you could ever make to enhance your own spiritual walk and the ministry you serve in.

These 5 thoughts cannot guarantee a rapidly growing ministry or a church of thousands. But it can create a place where people are loved and valued, where the Gospel goes forth in powerful ways, and growth and development happen in your own life. These thoughts will help you to generate a ministry that puts people before the program, and allows for lives to be impacted and changed. Be an ambassador for the kingdom, and let God work through you, as you model the life of a selfless servant and see what can happen!

The Trust Factor: Why Building Student Trust Matters

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If there’s one thing you should know about students, it’s this: they don’t trust easily. Students today have learned to be guarded, reserved, closed-off, and withdrawn from anyone they see as an authority figure. They often don’t trust people older than they are because that trust has been broken too many times to count and they don’t want to be hurt again.

Our students need us, as their leaders and mentors, to be trustworthy. This is the first thing youth leaders must realize. Students see this so clearly in everything we do and say. If we say we’re going to do something, be somewhere, take them out, show up at their school, or anything else, we have to stick by it. Students today have been so lied to, strung along, hurt, and misdirected that they’re just waiting for us to break our promises.

Think about this for a moment: Were you ever lied to as a student? Did someone tell you they would be there for you and they weren’t? Did you ever feel as if someone let you down? The answer is yes. We’ve all had this experience. But the truth is that over time this reality has gotten worse. Students today have come to accept this as the norm. Our word no longer means anything. Telling someone you’re there for them has no meaning for them. Students no longer trust us. We need to earn their trust by showing them we’re invested in their lives, their futures, and in them personally and spiritually.

As believers, we’re told to stick by our word. Matthew 5:33-37 points this out very clearly for us. We’re told to let our answers be honest and true. We’re told that our relationship with Christ is based upon trust and faith. And if we can’t model this to our students, then why should they listen to what we have to say?

Trust will change our students’ lives. Could you imagine what would happen to just one student if someone kept their word to them 100% of the time? Can you see them beginning to trust that person? Can you see the relationship that could be built? In order for us to reach them with the gospel, we first need to establish that we can be trusted. If we’re not being truthful, then why should they trust what we have to say? There’s no reason for them to believe if they can’t trust those who are teaching them about belief.

As leaders, we have a high calling to lead younger generations toward the saving grace of Christ. This can only be accomplished by first building a framework founded upon trust in the power of the cross.

Kitchen Floor Chats: 5 Tips for Building Relationships with Students

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It was a conversation I wasn’t expecting. He had followed me into the church kitchen in hopes of getting an extra snack, but the conversation that followed tore at my heart.

Student: Hey, let me get a bag of those chips.

Me: If you come to leadership on Wednesday, you will get these snacks and more there.

Student: But I’m not on leadership… (voice trails off)

Me: Why not?

Student: I’m… I’m not sure I am a Christian. I don’t always act like it, and people that know me would probably tell you I am not a Christian and that I don’t believe in God.

So many thoughts flooded my mind that night. The first was, why is this conversation happening as I am kneeling on the floor in a kitchen frantically stuffing chips into a cabinet where hopefully they will last until Wednesday night? Then the second (after God slapped me upside my head) was, thank you Jesus for letting this conversation happen.

Ministry happens in many odd and miraculous ways. This young man was an eighth grade student who had dealt with a lot in his life and knew who Jesus was but hadn’t fully committed to letting Him rule his life. I never would have expected this conversation to happen the way it did, but it opened up a door for us to begin meeting weekly together and he agreed to answer the “hard questions” about Christianity honestly. I thank God for days where ministry just “happens” on kitchen floors and across counter tops.

The question we should ask is how do we get there? So often conversations like these happen at times and in ways we would least expect, but they happen because there has been trust built! This student was someone I had intentionally been plugging into in small but very meaningful ways, and I am convinced if we do more of this, we will indeed start having more kitchen floor conversations about Jesus. From these kitchen floor chats we will see that the next logical step is a mentoring relationship, but first we must get to the kitchen floor. The following are just some helpful and practical tips to begin the framework–the trust factor–that will lead to these conversations and more!

1. Acknowledge them

You cannot run an effective ministry if you don’t even acknowledge students when they are there. Not just on youth group or leadership nights. Acknowledge them all the time. On Sunday mornings, at the grocery store, where they work, even on date night. My wife and I bump into students all the time on date night and we love to pause and chat with them. Our priority is our time but we also love and acknowledge our students so they know that we care about them.

2. Know their name

It doesn’t seem like much but there is so much value in being known. When someone calls you by name it means they remember you and care. This is more than many students get on a daily basis. Their teachers don’t always remember them, their coaches forget them (especially if they aren’t a starter), employers see them as a number, and sometimes in families they feel forgotten.

3. Invest in their life

Go to their activities, and follow up with them! A huge thing with students is caring about what they do. I recently went to an orchestra concert for a few students and the smiles that came across their faces knowing they had an audience filled with supporters who didn’t need to be there made my day! They still tell people “my youth pastor cares enough to watch me play the bass.” Another student is into knitting (something I am not) but I ask all the time what she knits and who she knits for. She gets so excited sharing what she is passionate about and loves to come and show me gifts she makes for local widows.

4. Follow through

If you are going to do something then do it! Do not “forget,” do not “find something else to do,” but do it. Of course we will all miss things, but tell them you won’t be there, don’t leave it up to them to figure it out. Students have enough people letting them down, far be it from us to let them down also.

5. Live a life worthy of imitation

This is one we should all be doing. If we are going to call students to live like Jesus and to give their lives for Him we should be doing this as well. Students should see this in all aspects of our lives. How we speak to our spouses, how we raise our children, how we respond to frustrations (like when they talk during our messages or overflow the toilet twice in one night), how much time we spend with Jesus, how we care for others, and how we love.

This list is not exhaustive, but it is the framework for building the relationship that leads to kitchen floor conversations about Jesus. I am excited to see what God is going to do through this mentoring relationship and after that night, I am praying for many more conversations about Jesus in places and ways I would never expect!

Lord Jesus, use us to have conversations about Christianity and salvation in ways we never see coming so that many more students will enter into Your kingdom and experience Your everlasting love!