Month: October 2024

Quick Tip: Appreciating Others

Posted on by Leave a comment

So October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Did you know that? Or did you forget like me? That may be one of the reasons this post is dropping in late October and not earlier.

Now you may have read that and thought to yourself, “Nick, this post seems a little self-serving since you’re a pastor and you’re talking about appreciating people in the month of October.” I hear you on that, but please understand that isn’t the heart of this post. In fact, the point of this Quick Tip is to help us think about appreciating people we work with–our bosses, and our volunteers.

When we appreciate one another well, we are showing people that they are loved, valued, and seen. In ministry circles this is vitally important because there is so much that is given beyond the contexts and demands of a non-ministry job. You don’t really stop working. The calls, texts, and emails are always coming through. People show up at your home unannounced. The weight of what people are dealing with weighs on your shoulders and your family’s as well. The burnout rate for pastors and church staff is astronomically high. And let’s not forget that church staff often aren’t paid well and volunteers aren’t paid at all.

Phew. That’s a lot and we haven’t even hit all the pieces and realities of ministry yet. But when we feel that weight, think about the other people in your life who also feel that. Your volunteers, your staff, your supervisors, your wife, your kids. We may not always get appreciated, but we can appreciate others. Rather than say, “Nobody did anything for me in October,” what if we were the catalyst for change and it started by appreciating others first?

Today, I want to share some ways you can appreciate others and love them well all year long as we seek to care well for each other. Some are practical ways to do this and others are simply suggestions on what to think through.

Think about what you’d appreciate and use that as a metric for caring well.

Sometimes it feels like we just don’t know what to do or what to get for someone else. If you’ve ever struggled around Christmas or birthdays trying to get a gift or card for someone, you know exactly what I’m talking about. In those moments, pause and consider what would make you feel loved, valued, and appreciated.

It doesn’t have to be super specific, but if quality time is what you enjoy, consider taking the individual out for a cup of coffee and listen well. If you enjoy a good book, maybe get one for them (don’t be passive aggressive in choosing the book). If it’s something handmade, think about what you could make them. Using this as a metric will help you practically think through what you can do to appreciate others.

Don’t forget the families.

The reality of working in ministry is that it is often difficult. There are hard times that can wear on ministry leaders. But often, the unseen tragedy is how deeply this affects their families. Spouses carry that weight as they walk with their significant other and try to help them. Children often lose out on time with their parent(s) because the church pulls their parent away.

Ministry leaders can come home exhausted and quality time with their family takes a hit. Families often are all-in at churches and serve in a variety of ways, and never hear “thank you.” In moments like these, it is important to remember them and care well for them. Don’t forget the families. Love them and help them to know they are seen.

Utilize a handwritten note or card.

Sometimes finances are tight, we are in ministry after all. And we may think, “I have nothing to give. What can I do?” The power of a thoughtful handwritten card is undeniable. Think about the last time you got a letter in the mail. How did you feel? It’s exciting, it’s encouraging, it’s life-giving. Taking the time to write a note and encourage someone is extremely powerful and special.

Instead of a gift card, take them out and engage with them.

If you’re financially able, a great way to appreciate someone is not just giving them a gift card but taking them out for a meal or cup of coffee. This shows intentionality and a desire to know that individual. In those moments, we need to remember that the priority is listening to and engaging with the other person. Don’t dominate the conversation and listen well. Take this as a time to grow in your knowledge and relationship with that individual as you care well for them.

Give a personalized gift.

Are you the next contestant on Holiday Baking Championship? Are you crafty and good at creating things? Still got your sourdough starter going? Are you a gifted writer or artist? Sometimes the best gift is one you personalize because you put time and effort into making it for someone. I love to bake and make candles, and I see the joy and happiness those things bring when I share them with others. So think about your skills and hobbies, and ask yourself how you can turn those things into gifts to bless others.

Communicating with Your Significant Other

Posted on by Leave a comment

Elise and I have been married for over eleven years, and both of us would say our communication has evolved since we first got married. I can speak from my perspective and share that my communication didn’t just get better but was more of a roller coaster. There were times I communicated clearly and authentically with a desire for the relationship to grow and flourish. But there have also been times where I haven’t been a great communicator. I would shut down, I wouldn’t share my emotions, and I wouldn’t communicate well overall.

The reason I share this is not to create a “poor me” mentality, but to share with you that I get it. Communication can be hard. Communication takes work. Communication is necessary. My desire today is to share some lessons Elise and I have learned about communication in hopes of giving you some resources and an opportunity to learn sooner than we did in certain areas.

I will also say this: learning healthy communication isn’t just for those with significant others. While this post is written to that group of individuals, these truths and pieces of advice can be applied to all relationships.

Make sure to spend time together.

Let me explain this because I think a large portion of us would say a resounding “we do” to this statement. And while you may spend quantitative time, is it quality time? Were there screens involved? Did you communicate? Was there intimacy (not just sex but true, holistic intimacy)? Was the conversation meaningful? Did each person feel seen, heard, and loved? When we can answer those questions in the affirmative, then we are truly spending intentional time with our significant other.

Listen well.

Listening is a skill and an art. It takes time, intentionality, and practice to listen well. Listen not to solve problems, but to understand and know the other person. When you listen in that way, it makes the time purposeful and not simply about finishing the conversation or righting the issue.

When there is conflict, be willing to engage with it.

Please hear me on this: I’m not advocating for seeking out conflict. Please do not run and try to find issues or problems to turn into a bigger issue. Instead, we all know that in every relationship there will be some type of conflict. Some minor and some major. How you deal with that conflict is paramount to helping your relationship heal and thrive.

Don’t run from the conflict, don’t dismiss it, and don’t attack the other person. Instead remember who the conflict is with: your best friend. Remember what the goal is: it isn’t winning, it’s thriving together as one. When you put things in perspective, conflict doesn’t have to be bad but instead can be handled well where each party communicates, is seen and heard, and resolution begins.

Be mindful of your tone.

Our communication can often be changed by our tone and approach to it. If we come to the conversation with an agenda or a specific attitude, that will be communicated toward our significant other. We also need to be aware of how and why we are saying the things we are communicating. Sarcasm, critical or accusatory words, or even manipulative comments can be extremely detrimental to the relationship. When you’re mindful of your tone, you are going to truly be able to communicate and care well for one another.

Share authentically.

For some reason couples don’t always share how they are feeling. Whether they don’t feel they can, are trying to avoid conflict, or don’t know how, we must be able to be authentic in how we communicate. We need to share feelings, both good and bad. We need to take off the masks and be honest with each other. We need to be vulnerable and receive vulnerability well from one another. When you share authentically and value your spouse when they do, you are creating a safe and healthy space for your relationship to flourish and grow.

Quick Tip: Remember to See the Good

Posted on by Leave a comment

Ministry gets hard sometimes. It can be critical comments from specific people. Elders and leadership making passive aggressive statements. Ineffective supervision. Lack of budget. Students not showing up. Burnout. Questioning of calling. Or whatever else is happening in your life or ministry.

Ministry is hard and when life gets hard we tend to become critical, biased, and we assume the worst. We think everyone is against us. Every comment made we take personally. We assume the worst about each situation. We believe our students don’t like us and don’t want to attend. Our hearts become calloused and we question our purpose and calling.

But what if we stopped for a moment and shifted our perspective? What if, instead of assuming the worst and only seeing the bad, we refocused and saw the good? Now I get it, that sounds easier said than done. I do not know your circumstances nor do I know your history. But we serve a good God who created this world and called it good. Yes, this is a broken and fallen world, but there is still good in it.

Instead of focusing on the bad, the frustrations, the tensions, what if you refocused and saw the good? I’m not saying we simply walk through life pretending like everything is okay. Instead I’m advocating for seeing things through a God-oriented lens that helps us to look beyond the tension and see what He sees.

For instance, maybe students weren’t paying attention during your lesson. Instead of being mad or frustrated about that, rejoice in the fact that there were students present. Rather than sit and stew in the comments made by your supervisor, seek to understand and adapt. Even if you don’t see eye to eye, continue to pursue what God has called you to and find joy in what He is doing.

Budgets or lack thereof can cause a lot of tension, but instead of seeing limitations, look to see opportunities and new ways of accomplishing what you’d like to do. Instead of allowing negative or passive aggressive comments to weigh on you, seek out godly and authentic voices in your life and rest in the truth of what they say over the rumblings and grumblings of a few. Remember that you serve God not man, and they will stand before God to give an account.

Another thing to remember as you look to see the good is to consider what good are you providing. We have an obligation to be doing good because God has called each of us to be purveyors of the Good News and to love others as He does! Therefore, we need to make sure that even if others aren’t doing or seeing good in us, we still need to be doing good and seeing good in others (yes, that includes even those who don’t do or see good in you).

Often when things aren’t going our way or difficulty abounds, we can become negative and only see the bad and wrongs in our world, our church, and in people. But when we refocus our eyes, minds, and hearts on what God’s heart is all about, it guides us back to what we should be doing: loving God and loving others.

When we focus on doing and seeing good, it re-frames how we approach things. It reshapes how we engage with others. And it reshapes our heart in a way that mirrors our Savior’s. This is not easy. Not at all. But when we approach life and relationships in this way, when we strive to see and do good as a reflection of Jesus, trust me when I say that you will begin to grow and mature in ways you have never experienced. Don’t give up, don’t get weighed down; look for the good and trust God in the process.

5 Steps to Picking Curriculum

Posted on by Leave a comment

When it comes to what you are teaching, have you ever stopped to ask why you’re teaching what you are teaching? Or have you ever thought about the purpose of the lessons as they pertain to your vision and mission? Does what you’re teaching align with the general flow and direction in which your church is going? How does what you are teaching actually impact your students and help them to think about both internal and external applications of biblical truth?

Phew. Sounds heavy doesn’t it? You probably thought we would simply tell you to pick and teach what best suits your students. Yes, there is an element of that which is true, but we must be more intentional and thoughtful in what we choose to teach and why. Let me share with you some things to consider when choosing a curriculum and the direction it will take your students.

1. Choose a curriculum that will meet your students where they are at.

Each ministry is different and knowing what your students are experiencing and what they need will greatly increase your opportunity to reach and care for them. For instance, if your students are wrestling with grief and loss it may be a good idea to dig into a series on the Psalms or the hope that God offers us.

2. If using pre-made curriculum, don’t use it as is.

This is a big thing I always encourage younger youth pastors with: if you purchase a curriculum don’t just use it as is. Tweak it to reach your students. Make the stories and illustrations your own. Update the Bible passages to the translation your group uses. What you are doing is making this personal and relatable to both yourself and your group which helps them engage and process what is being shared at a deeper level.

3. Make sure your curriculum aligns with your mission and vision.

This is a big piece of choosing your curriculum. If it doesn’t align or communicate the heart and vision of your ministry and church, there’s a good possibility you shouldn’t utilize it. So be aware of what you’re selecting by reading through descriptions and content. Weigh the main points and applications and consider the implications for your group.

4. Look for opportunities to take your students deeper and wider.

Some curriculum can be pretty light on content and depth when it comes to Scripture and its application. In order to help your students grow and develop as disciples of Jesus, it is important to challenge them and have them think critically about what God’s Word says and its application for their lives. That means choosing and crafting curriculum that will challenge them to do just that. Pick topics and content that challenges their way of thinking, pushes them outside of their comfort zones, and helps them to think deeper about who they are in Christ.

5. Be willing to make your own.

Ultimately you know what your group needs to hear and you know your context and setting. That means you can discern what curriculum your group needs. But the reality is that sometimes there isn’t a curriculum that works for what is needed in your context. So, be willing to make your own when needed. Yes this may be more labor intensive but it may be the best thing for your students.