Month: March 2026

The Importance of a Personal Mentor

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Recently our church has been undergoing a big change. We are in the midst of a search for only our third senior pastor since the church was founded. When we heard the news, there was a piece of me that entertained the thought of applying for the position, but also a piece of me that strongly resisted applying.

As I processed with Elise, we both knew we felt similar tensions and that we needed the voice of trusted individuals and mentors in our lives to speak into this moment. So I reached out to some of them to hear their input and advice. They all resonated with the feelings and tensions we were feeling. After talking with them, we confirmed that we were not going to pursue the position (unless God made it clear that we should) and instead were content with where God had us.

I don’t know where you are in your ministry career or what you were taught about serving in ministry, but in my experience I was not encouraged to have a mentor until I had been in ministry for years. When I first started in a tiny church as their pastor, I didn’t have anyone who was shepherding and guiding me. No one was speaking into how I was leading, what could be improved or changed, how to navigate conflict, self care, and so many other vital aspects of ministry.

Looking back, I made a lot of mistakes as a young and naive twenty-something stepping into their first paid ministry position. I made decisions quickly, I was harsher than I should have been, and acted out of naivety and without thinking through how things would be received. If I had a mentor during that time, I know I wouldn’t have made all of the same decisions. I am not saying I wouldn’t have still messed up, but having someone guiding and challenging me would have helped to shape how I led, engaged, and reacted.

A personal mentor is one of the best things we can have in our lives. A personal mentor is someone that you trust and can go to with questions and doubts, and for encouragement. They are individuals who know you, can speak truth into your life, challenge and correct you, and also be a sounding board for choices and decisions you need to make.

A mentor is someone who cares about you and helps to form and shape you as you walk through ministry. This isn’t something just for young or new youth workers, but something we should incorporate throughout our careers. Even now, having been in ministry for over two decades, I’m so thankful for the mentors in my life who help to shape me. Whether it’s being encouraged during challenging times, being pushed to step out of my comfort zone, empowering me to lead well, or simply listening to me as I process. A mentor is something everyone should have in their lives.

A great place to start looking for a mentor is within your current context. Is there someone who has gone before you, a supervisor, a career volunteer, a friend? You can also connect with other established youth pastors who can help guide and shape you as you grow in your career. We are willing to be in your corner and to walk with you. There’s also professional coaching programs through a variety of organizations. The question is simply this: are you willing? Are you willing to have someone pour into you and walk with you as you lead in your context?

So, what’s stopping you from having a personal mentor in your life?

How Long Should You Speak For?

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Let me ask you a couple of questions: how long do speak for when you’re speaking to students? Does that length vary depending on whether it’s middle school or high school students? Is the timing dependent on the programmatic day or feature?

When I first started out in youth ministry, my messages were incredibly short because I was terrified of speaking in front of a group that I thought would judge me. I was a college freshman and was helping lead a middle school ministry. There were so many times I fumbled along and rushed through the message because I assumed middle school students couldn’t and wouldn’t pay attention for longer periods of time.

Compare that with when I was fresh out of Bible college with a preaching degree, and my message time swung to the other extreme. I began teaching for longer periods of time because I felt more confident in my study and preparation. I wanted everyone to know how to dig super deep into Scripture and see all the work I had done. But if I’m honest with you, it was very self-serving and I can’t begin to count how many students I would see with glazed over eyes beginning to fall asleep.

So if the two extremes don’t work well, what should we do instead? I’m not willing to call myself an expert in this by any means, but after working with students for over two decades, I think I have a decent barometer on how long we should take when teaching our students. What I want to share today are some suggested time lengths and some tips for engaging speaking for the different settings in which we teach.

Each of these timeframes are suggestions and not indicative of every single group. These are meant to be broad brush strokes and I would encourage each ministry leader to gauge where their group is at and how long they can engage with what is being shared. The other truth is that depending on the teacher and their teaching capability, you may be need to elongate or shorten teaching times.

Middle school.

I love middle school ministry. Students are quick to say whatever is on their minds so it’s rare that you wonder what they are thinking. They’re inquisitive and thoughtful. They ask great questions.

But their attention span is often shorter than high schoolers and adults. Rather than bemoan the various reasons that their attention span is shorter (I’m looking at you social media), we should be thoughtful in how we choose to engage with that reality.

I have found that typically fifteen minutes is the sweet spot for teaching middle school students. If you are teaching straight with no breaks, this is roughly the timeframe that works best. Utilizing different teaching styles, question and answer formats, or even breaking for discussions can allow the teaching time to be prolonged.

Another way to break up the teaching time and to afford yourself a longer teaching timeframe is to incorporate video clips. I would encourage you to keep your video clips to under a couple minutes when at all possible, because the longer the video the more likely students are to either only remember the video content or tune out (if they find it boring).

High school.

This is my primary teaching focus for our ministry, and I’ll be honest with you and say I struggle with staying on time. If you ask Elise, she knows I tend to be pretty wordy. But I’ve been in our present context long enough that our high school students have afforded me more grace and still listen if I go longer than I should.

I have learned though that the best length of time to speak to high school students is twenty to twenty-five minutes max. Similar to middle school students, if you’re going to speak at the longer end of that matrix, incorporate different methods of interaction and engagement. Give them time to discuss different parts of the lesson. Show video clips. Ask for volunteers to read the Bible passages. Utilize games when appropriate.

Different programmatic days.

Typically different events or special services denote a different style and length for teaching. If you’re hosting an event that is evangelistic in nature and has brought in a large contingent of unchurched students, it may be a better idea to have a shorter, more concise Gospel message.

If you’re hosting an immersive Easter or Christmas experience for your students, a longer message might be appropriate. A fall kickoff where everyone has come back together to celebrate the start of the school year would be better suited with a shorter and more focused lesson time. Taking time with a discipleship oriented leadership team would mean a longer teaching and discussion shaped timeframe.

Even thinking through Sunday mornings versus youth group nights, your teaching timeframe will look different. For our group, we look at Wednesday nights as our 100 level programming and Sunday mornings as our 200 level programming.

We know that on our youth group nights we have a wider swath of unreached students coming to youth group and that on Sundays most of our students are tracking with Jesus and desiring to grow in their relationship with Him. That affords us more opportunity on Sunday to focus on teaching time and discussion.

We still try to break up the teaching time with different formats like table discussions, question and answer, and videos when possible to help switch up how students are engaging and learning. For us that means our Sunday teaching and discussion time is roughly thirty-five minutes but we allot more time for table discussion to help students think through practical applications.

Quick Tip: Easy Four Square on Carpet

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I don’t know about your students, but my middle school students love two games: gagaball and four square. They go nuts over them. We have shared about our indoor/outdoor gagaball before, but today I wanted to share a quick tip for playing four square on a carpet floor.

Most everyone is familiar with four square. A large square is divided up into four equal squares. The final square (the king square) is where you serve from and getting to that square is the ultimate goal.

Players advance by getting other players out. This happens when the ball bounces twice in their opponent’s square, their opponent doesn’t return the ball to an opposing square, or their opponent hits the ball out of bounds. Sounds simple enough; but if you’re playing on carpet, how do you set up the lines?

For years we used painters tape hoping it wouldn’t leave residue for our facility team. But alas, it still did. We tried utilizing string or rope as the lines but they kept getting moved which led to arguments over fairness. And we were not in a space where we could paint the lines into the carpet or order specific carpet squares for the game because we are a multipurpose space.

Then came the solution! One of our facility team members came up to me and said, “Have you tried Velcro strips?” It was like a great epiphany! I hadn’t even thought of that before.

Velcro would work because it wouldn’t damage the carpet, it could be rolled up and easily stored, and it was inexpensive. What was even better was that team member went online and found the actual dimensions (I didn’t know there were such things for four square) and cut the pieces of Velcro to length.

Set up is now a breeze when we have programming because I simply put down six pieces of Velcro and all of a sudden we have a durable court ready to go. We’ve been utilizing the same strips of Velcro for years and have had no issues. Just make sure that when you store the Velcro, you roll it so it doesn’t stick to itself or other strips.

You can find all sorts of different varieties on Amazon or a local hardware store. My encouragement would be to not buy one with an adhesive backing because that will keep people from accidentally pealing it off and becoming sticky.

Hopefully this provides you and your students with a fun, quick, and easy to clean up activity. My encouragement when pulling up the Velcro is to be mindful of your carpet if it’s individual carpet squares. Pulling up too quickly can dislodge them depending on how the carpet squares are secured to the actual flooring.

I hope this is a great resource that allows you and your team to creatively engage with your students!

It’s Okay to Say No and Set Boundaries

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Have you ever said no to someone before? Have you ever declined a work meeting? Have you waited to respond to a text or sent a call to voicemail? Have you ever told your boss that couldn’t do an additional task?

If you’re a people-pleaser like me, those questions may have rubbed you the wrong way and caused a fair amount of tension or anxiety deep within you. I get it. Saying no to someone or something is difficult. Saying no to someone or something that is connected to your job, ministry, gifting, or calling feels wrong and maybe even unchristian.

But have you ever stopped to consider that the word “no” is a healthy word? Don’t we teach that boundaries within life are healthy and necessary? God gave Adam and Eve boundaries within the garden. Jesus gives us plenty of boundaries in the Gospels. Paul lays out intentional boundaries within his letters. We see that the word “no” is used to highlight healthy boundaries and to protect people.

If we see the word “no” used all the time in Scripture and by God, why are we so hesitant to use it? I would assert it is because we are in a culture that embraces and champions workaholics while it decries anything reflective of rest and sabbath.

We elevate and celebrate the individuals who sacrifice everything to advance in their career, even when that includes their own well-being or their family. We even offer people a higher pay wage for when they work more than they should. In essence, we celebrate and reward people for not resting and for always saying yes.

But God Himself set boundaries and parameters for rest and refreshment. And I would assert that He did so to help us be the best version of ourselves as we reflect Jesus to the world. What that means is we need to set intentional boundaries and be willing to say “no” when it’s warranted.

You cannot do everything and always say “yes,” because that mentality will lead to burnout, frustration, and bitterness. Instead, we must practice healthy rhythms with intentionality to protect ourselves, our families, and the ministries we serve and lead. Being willing to set boundaries helps you make better decisions and lead out of health instead of depletion.

Part of doing this means being honest with yourself, your family, your teams, and your supervisors. Identifying your capacity and limits will allow you to find where you need to set boundaries and say “no” to additional asks.

Another aspect of intentionally engaging this process is asking for someone to keep you accountable. Having an individual (or individuals) lovingly walk with you and challenge you when needed will help you to be better at setting healthy boundaries while still doing what God has called you to do.

This doesn’t mean there aren’t busy seasons or times when we have to say “yes” to additional things and tasks. However, those moments should be the exception and not the norm. We should also be willing to take time after those seasons to refresh and reset from those busy stretches.

When we learn to set boundaries and say “no” to protect ourselves, our relationship with Jesus, and those we love and care about, we are honoring God and showing the people we lead and serve what a healthy life truly looks like. So, my question to you is this: will you say “no” and set up healthy boundaries?

Quick Tip: Take Care of Your Team

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Have you ever had someone show up with coffee for you out of the blue? Has someone brought baked goods to your office before? Has someone treated you to breakfast? Have you ever received a hand-written note of encouragement?

I think we all have experienced this in some way, and we all know how it makes us feel. We feel seen, valued, loved, and affirmed. It is amazing how intentional and yet simple cup of coffee can be.

But here’s the thing: these moments shouldn’t just be for us, we should be utilizing these opportunities to bless and care well for our people. If we feel valued, seen, and loved when we receive those blessings, shouldn’t we be doing the same for others?

One of the best things you can do as a leader is to care well for your team(s). Now depending on your circumstance and financial structure, this may sound like something you cannot achieve. I get it; when budgets are tight or nonexistent, we default to thinking about the financial strain that comes with “caring for our leaders.”

But let me pause here and share this truth: lack of finances should not keep us from caring well for our team. That means we may need to reshape our thinking; the reality is that because we are a consumeristic culture we have allowed for that to determine how caring for people looks. But money isn’t the only thing that we can utilize to care for others.

What we need to understand is that we can care well by sitting and truly listening to others. We can care well by sending a card or a note to our teams. We can care well by publicly affirming them. We can care well by bringing them a homemade dessert or dinner.

Intentionally caring for our teams needs to be a priority because a well cared for team produces stability, consistency, longevity, community, and an environment where students flourish. Well cared for leaders care well for their students and allow for a discipleship-oriented ministry to prosper. A team that is loved, championed, and cared for is a team that will continue to run after and embrace the vision and passion of the ministry they serve and lead.

As the leader of a ministry, it is our job to love and care for our teams. It can be as simple as affirming them in public or private. A handwritten note encouraging them. A gift card, treating them to breakfast or coffee, remembering their birthday or anniversary, comforting and mourning with them during seasons of loss, or following up on important things within their lives.

Stopping and considering if your team feels loved and cared for is an important aspect of leading that each of us should be engaging with. Being intentional and walking with your team as you care for them is necessary and nonnegotiable. So, how are you caring well for your team?