Category: encouragement

5 Ideas for Volunteer Appreciation

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As we approach Thanksgiving this year, I couldn’t help but reflect on how thankful I am for my team of volunteers. Truth be told, this has been a hard year for a multitude of reasons, and I have seen my volunteer team persevere and love on our students all the more. Even when tragedy hit our ministry and our leaders were grieving, they stepped in the gap and cared well for our students.

Our leaders are the boots-on-the-ground people, who love and care for our students. They sacrifice so much throughout the year to point students to Jesus, and we must make sure to honor and appreciate them. A verbal thank you or affirmation is always a plus–especially in front of your students, parents, and the church–but there are other ways to encourage and bless your leaders as well.

Today I want to share with you five ways you can bless your leaders throughout the year. Some require finances but others are simple ways to say “thank you” and love your leaders. My hope is that anyone could look at these ways to appreciate volunteers and find one that works within their context.

1. Write thank you notes.

This may sound easy or a bit old school, but getting a handwritten note in the mail that recognizes you for what you did is a huge blessing. Consider saying thank you when a leader goes above and beyond, or when a leader does exactly what you have asked of them, or when they have had a hard week or night at youth group. Snail mail is a great way to empower, bless, and care for your leaders. Let me encourage you to go beyond just a generic thank you and put heart and passion into your note and let that be an encouragement to your people.

2. Honor special days.

Whenever a leader has an anniversary, has served for long periods, has a birthday, graduates from school, gets married, or whatever else is a celebration, make sure to honor that. Whether it is a text, call, taking them out to coffee, sending a gift or flowers, or recognizing them at youth group, you are taking an interest in their life and showing you care. Knowing special moments and making them even more special shows love on your end, and helps your leaders know you are for them.

As a quick aside, I would also say to make sure you honor your leaders during days that are significant for a different reason. When a leader experiences loss, gets fired, or is going through a tough season, reach out and love on them. Let them know you are there for them, listen as they process and grieve, and seek to bless them in whatever way is meaningful to them (bring them a meal, take them for coffee, bring them coffee, send flowers, write a card, etc.). How you honor these days will speak even louder than how you honor the really good ones.

3. Allow for time off for your leaders.

In the workforce, at school, and even in the home, we observe holidays and are offered time off, but often in ministry circumstances we for some reason forgo that. I cannot tell you how many ministries I have been a part of that don’t give time off for their leaders. They run programming during the holidays, they require commitment through the entire summer, and leaders have been made to feel guilty about not going on retreats and trips.

We must allow our leaders time off to refresh and recharge in whatever manner they need. Their family time and time to rest is huge, and we must honor that. Let me encourage you to consider taking a week or two off from programming around holidays, and consider scaling back your ministry during the summer to allow for your leaders to breathe easier and come back ready for fall programming.

4. Host leader-only gatherings.

One of my favorite times of the year is when we host our leader Christmas party. The past two years the parents in our ministry have taken ownership of the party and now provide a full meal, decorate, and pray over our leaders. Our ministry staff then has the ability to put our finances toward gifts and prizes for our leaders and we get to spend time blessing and encouraging them. Leader-only gatherings aren’t just for holidays, but also random outings for food, concerts, amusement parks, or even time spent watching football games at your home. These moments are super special. They show your leaders you value more than just a warm body at youth group and that you truly care about the relational component and their well-being.

5. Never make your leaders pay for trips/retreats.

This is one that based upon your budget may not be something you can do, but I would highly encourage you to consider this option if you can. One of the biggest pieces of my budget is a line solely for paying for leaders to go on trips free of charge. They already give so much, so we look to take care of the monetary costs whenever possible. We also try to pick up travel meals if possible, and put together leader gift bags for all of our retreats.

Even if you are not able to cover the cost of the trip, consider putting together gift bags for your leaders. Ours contain things like a handwritten thank you note, a regular size candy bar, granola bar, Chapstick, earplugs, a sleep mask, a coffee drink, Airborne, Advil, a salty snack, and whatever other gifts we can fit in there.

The reality is you don’t need to spend much or anything at all to bless your leaders and let them know you are thankful for them. Sure finances help, but you can always do or say something to let them know you love them and are so thankful for them. May we be shepherds who love our flock and love to bless them throughout the year.

Criticism and What to Do with It

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Criticism. For many of us it’s a “four letter word” that evokes worry, doubt, and at times fear. It makes us question everything we are doing and worse still, in some cases we question if where we are serving is the right place and if our calling is actually true.

Criticism has and will take many forms during your time in ministry. It could be when the facility director chastises you for marshmallows in the carpet and how ministry shouldn’t involve destroying the church. It may take the form of a parent talking about you and your philosophy, or claiming you haven’t connected with their student. Perhaps it is an elder who openly asks you if you even care about students growing in their faith. It may be a volunteer who stops by your office to offer “help” by telling you how great the old pastor was and how you should go back to the old way of doing things. Or maybe it is your senior pastor who tells you that fun shouldn’t be a part of your ministry and you need to change or look elsewhere.

If you’re like me, you’ve been on the receiving end of criticism more than you’d care to admit. It may be easy to brush some of it off by saying “oh, that’s just Karen” or “they don’t get student ministry…no one calls it youth ministry anymore.” But I would assert that just brushing it off or dismissing it isn’t the appropriate response in all circumstances. In my years of serving in ministry I’ve handled criticism both well and poorly, and I’d like to offer some thoughts on how to respond to it.

Respond humbly.

So often our knee-jerk reaction is to throw up defenses, to take a stand, to answer with a quick retort. Much of this is a defense mechanism because we take criticism personally. How dare they attack a ministry that God has called me to, that I have poured blood, sweat, and tears into?! But the reality is that we need respond humbly, and be willing to process what has been said.

We are called to be representatives of the Gospel in all moments, even the hard ones. How we respond will show people Jesus, and we must be aware of that. I am not advocating for you to simply take punches, but to not lash out or respond in kind. It is okay to explain yourself, but don’t become defensive or angry. Instead hear the person, love the person, and look to respond as Christ would.

Be willing to listen and have conversation.

When critique happens, let me encourage you to listen to the person and engage in conversation. I know there are times that won’t happen because it could be a passing comment from a parishioner, or an anonymous note left in your mailbox (What you don’t get those? Guess it’s just me.), but when you are able, engage with the person. So often it is because someone doesn’t understand, isn’t sure how to ask, they don’t know any other way to do ministry, or just want to be heard.

Instead of getting upset and talking about the person and their remarks, engage with them and take them out for lunch or coffee. Ask them to share what is on their heart, and then share what is on yours. I find within conversation you can care for the person, explain your mission and vision, and rally support as they see who you are and what you are about.

Acknowledge growth areas.

This is a hard one because it forces us to think through what is said, and admit that we don’t have it all figured out. But that is the truth; we are all in process which means there are areas where we can grow. Instead of becoming defensive about that, be willing to say “you’re right, and I am working on that.” I find that showing humility and acknowledging where you need to grow actually brings in people who want to champion you and your ministry. Sometimes people want to support you, and they just need to know how. By acknowledging your growth areas, you open up opportunities to be poured into and stretched.

Invite others in.

This one is huge, and something that took me a long time to understand. I think for many pastors it is easier to be a maverick, to stay on an island. But we aren’t called to do life alone. We champion this to our students and leaders, but so often we act in an opposite manner. Let me encourage you to find a mentor, to let people speak into your life and ministry, and be willing to listen even when it is hard. Those are the moments that will grow and stretch you. As you listen and hear from those who have done this and those who care about you, you will find yourself becoming a better pastor and shepherd.

Self-evaluate.

As ministers and as people we should actively be engaged in self-evaluation. This process will help you grow and mature, and prayerfully become a better leader and minister. Some questions to consider after receiving a critique are:

  • Why does that comment upset me?
  • Is there any truth in what was said?
  • What do I need to do if there is truth here?
  • How did I respond?
  • What should I change about how I respond in the future?
  • How did my heart feel during and after the conversation?
  • How can I approach, minister to, and love the person who said these things to me?
  • What is God trying to teach me in this moment?
  • Who is pouring into me and speaking truth about this moment?

Find a safe place to decompress.

Decompression and processing are necessary things to do after receiving criticism, but I believe there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to do them. Speaking to a mentor, a ministry partner, close friends, a supervisor, or other trusted confidantes is a great thing to do. They allow you to be open and honest, they don’t mind letting you process and work through emotions. And they will also give you direct and honest feedback to help you grow and mature.

However, I do not think social media is a healthy place to to decompress or seek out support in these matters. I’m a part of many Facebook groups where people come “seeking input and support” only to be met with “that’s so unfair,” “walk away,” “you’re better than they are,” or thousands of other thoughts and opinions. And arguably what it turns into is a critique-fest of a person or church no one knows about. Feelings of hurt and frustration grow within the original poster, and the community spirals downward in the chaos of bitterness and resentment. Social media can be used in great ways, but it isn’t a place to go to for healthy decompression as not all of the “support” or comments will be biblical, nor will they be able to respond impartially as they only hear one side of the conversation.

Feel Like You’re Failing? Encouragement for Youth Leaders

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Regardless of where you serve in ministry, you will likely encounter discouragement at some point. It may come from things others will say or do, or things you simply believe about yourself but have never actually been told. Discouragement in ministry is a reality we all face.

I think youth leaders easily and sometimes frequently feel discouraged. We can feel like we aren’t making a difference. We can question whether or not we’re cut out to be a small group leader. We may feel like students don’t like us. The list goes on…

Today I want to take some time to offer you encouragement and truth. Maybe you don’t feel like you need it right now. Maybe you’re seeing growth in your ministry and you know your students love you. But perhaps down the road, when times get tough and ministry is hard, you might need to be reminded of why your presence matters.

Your presence is meaningful and needed.

I think the great lie Satan tries to feed to youth leaders is that they aren’t making a difference, that they aren’t important or needed. If we can become convinced of that, we will inevitably give up on the ministry.

I want to encourage you: do not believe that lie. It may take different forms: I’m too old, students don’t listen to me, each week is just too hard, God isn’t working, I’m not making a difference. The important thing is to identify the lie that you’re believing and fight it with the truth.

The truth is: your presence is important and students need you. Students need adults who will consistently show up in their lives and represent Jesus Christ to them. Just by consistently being there for the students, you send a message that they have value and that you have bought into the truth of the Gospel. And by being there, you are investing in the work God is already doing.

Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. 

Last month I listened to a sermon where the pastor spoke on Christian community. He said, “We have to remember that the Gospel brings different people together. Sometimes what we view as failure is actually God bringing people together.”

This made me think about youth group, because it’s definitely true for my experience working with students. So many different types of people are brought together during youth group activities. And sometimes those people don’t get along–adults and students included. It can feel like each week is a struggle, trying to end cliques within your small group, trying to get the quiet people to talk, trying to encourage unity between different schools, trying to help students navigate life.

The list of things we try to do can become exhaustive, and when only some or none of them actually come to pass, we may feel like we’re failing. We may question what we’re doing, or if it’s even making a difference. Let me encourage you: just because each week is a struggle, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re doing something wrong. Which leads me to my next point…

Present difficulties can lead to future rewards.

I think if a lot of youth leaders were honest, we would have numerous stories of how we were not the “easy kids” in youth group. In fact, some of us might have been the student the youth leader secretly wished wouldn’t show up each week. We might have been the back-talkers, the disrupters, the “problem” students. In my own experience, the struggles I experienced in high school fueled my desire to be a youth leader.

The reality is we have no idea what kind of work God is doing through our perceived weaknesses or failures, or through the things our students are experiencing. In the moment, and even in the immediate future, we may not see how God is working. We may never know. But He is working. Each week, in each student, through every struggle, God is working.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 Paul writes, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

As we invest in the lives of students, God will use us. One day, maybe on this earth or in eternity, we will see the rewards. We will see students coming to Christ, serving Him with their lives, and changing the world for Him. And we will praise God because He allowed us to be a part of it.

Your value does not lie in the actions of your students.

Yes, we hope to see students’ lives changed for Christ, but we don’t always see it. We long to hear stories of how we made a difference in the lives of our students, but we won’t always hear them. There may be whole seasons when it seems like nothing good comes of our efforts in student ministry.

We cannot root our identity in the people we serve, and we cannot base our success or failure on their lives or actions. This can be hard because the alternative–choosing to place our value in Christ and the kingdom work He calls us to–is unseen. It takes concerted effort to shift our eyes from what we can perceive to what we cannot, and to place our value there. But that is what will carry us when student ministry is hard.

I love the reminder Colossians 3:23-24 provides: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

At the end of it all, we are serving the Lord, being available for the work He has, and displaying His love to each person we meet. He will bring about success, He will produce the fruit, and He will change hearts and lives. May you rest in that truth today.

6 Tips for Avoiding Burnout

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Ministry has a tendency to make you feel like you are always “on.” Have you ever felt that way before? Maybe it was the call or text on your day off, the late night email you felt you needed to respond to because it was from a parent or elder, or when you got stopped in a supermarket because you “work” at a church.

The reality we are faced with is that without healthy boundaries, we will run into burn out. If you do not have appropriate boundaries in place you can guarantee that eventually you will become frustrated, bitter, and ready to walk away. Feelings of being overwhelmed, always on call, and like there is no one who is safe for you is a hard place to be, so I want to offer some ways to set healthy boundaries to safeguard you, your family, and your ministry.

1. Set clear expectations. This goes for both your supervisor and your ministry context. Whenever you step into a new ministry position ask for clear parameters like these:

  • How many hours am I required to work?
  • How many hours do you want me in the office?
  • Do you offer comp time for retreats and trips?
  • How do you handle holidays?
  • How are after-hours calls handled?

These are just a few questions that will allow you to better take care of yourself and know what is expected of you. But I would say that you shouldn’t just ask questions but also set the tone for how you handle your time off. I have shared this with my supervisor and those on my team so they know. Here are some of the expectations that I shared when I started and continue to advocate for:

  • Friday nights are date nights. That means I don’t work on Friday evenings unless my wife and I talk about it. We will go to football games in the fall and meet with people when necessary, but I’m those instances we always have date night on a different evening. My staff and volunteers, students, and my direct report know this and they all honor it because we continue to talk about it.
  • I always advocate for using your paid time off. It is part of your salary, so make sure you use it. Let your supervisor know well in advance, but use your time off and advocate for it.
  • I would also say it is important to advocate for time to go off site to study and refresh. This isn’t time to necessarily do “work” but instead to make sure you are getting filled and refreshed.

2. Seek friends who don’t require you to wear your “pastor’s hat.” One of my favorite things about where I work right now is I have begun to build some really good friendships. One in particular stands out because it is someone close to my age who has served in ministry before. We were grabbing breakfast one day and he looked at me and said, “Nick, you don’t need to wear your pastor’s hat around me. I am a safe person, and we can just be good friends. If you need to put it on, that’s okay but you don’t have to.”

Man, what an amazing moment! I was blown away because all the weight and expectations were gone. But here’s the thing: I would never have thought to ask someone to let me do that before that conversation. Looking back now I would encourage everyone to find a friend like this. Find someone you don’t have to worry about having all the right answers with, to be able to be yourself around, and someone who will be able to offer sound and practical advice.

Also, as a quick aside, let me say don’t make this your spouse. You should already be sharing life with your spouse, but I am advocating for another person, a friend, someone with whom you can build a solid relationship. This isn’t supplementing or replacing your spouse, but instead giving you another outlet and friendship to help you in life.

3. Keep your days off as days off. God doesn’t require everyone else to take a sabbath and ministry leaders and volunteers to not have a time of refreshment with Him. A sabbath is a command to all of us. And I don’t know about you, but I am pretty sure when God gives us a command we need to follow it… yes, even ministry leaders. So honor your days off. Try to stay off the phone and computer as it relates to work. Focus on your family, friends, yourself, and your relationship with God. Protect this fiercely and if they are getting overrun, speak up about it and ask your supervisor for advice and help.

4. Decompress. Find out how you best release and refresh. This has changed for me over the years. At some points when I was single it was going out with friends, or ordering a pizza and watching the newest war movie. As weird as it sounds now, my ways to decompress are cooking, reading an adventure novel, cleaning, or making candles. It helps me to focus, clear my thoughts, and accomplish something.

This will look different for each of us, but you should identify what it is in your life and then utilize it. Also, if you are married make sure to bring your spouse into this conversation. They need to know that you aren’t just retreating or disengaging but that this is how you find refreshment and restoration. Work together as a team to honor this.

5. Communicate. Let your supervisor and those close to you know where you are at. If you are struggling with various aspects of your job, if you are feeling overwhelmed, if you are feeling defeated, talk to someone. It is okay to share where you are at, and honestly it needs to be a consistent aspect of your life. Talk to people, tell them how you are doing, explain what is hard, share what has been really good. The more this becomes a part of our culture and lives, the more free and cared-for you will feel.

Now I know there are some in ministry who cannot go to their supervisor for fear of reprisal or being fired. I get it, I have been in those circumstances myself. If you cannot go to your supervisor, go to a mentor or close friend; even better if they are close because perhaps you can bring them with you to a meeting with your supervisor to share what has been going on.

When I first started out as a pastor, my mentor came along to my interviews and asked the hard questions and set the expectations the church should have for me. I will never forget how it felt to be advocated for and supported. That is what you need in your close friends and confidantes. Bring them in, share what is happening, bare your soul, and let them love and care for you.

6. Get a mentor. I have already mentioned a mentor here and previously, but this cannot be undervalued or ignored. We all need people who are pouring into us and pushing us to be better leaders and Christ followers. If you do not have a mentor, seek one out. If you have one make sure you are honestly connecting with and sharing your life with them. Seek advice, encouragement, direction, and the hard but necessary answers from them.

Navigating Marriage and Ministry: An Interview

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One of the things Nick and I love about student ministry is that we individually have a passion for it, and get to do it together. It was something we both felt called to before we met, and it is something we have pursued throughout our marriage. It’s special to share a similar calling, something that we both believe in and value.

But we know it isn’t like that for everyone. We all have varying degrees of involvement in our churches and ministries–both as church-employed spouses, and not. In this interview-style post, we will approach the topic of spouses doing ministry together. Nick and I hope that our experience can offer some encouragement and insight to other married couples who may be navigating (or preparing to navigate) this whole marriage + ministry world. For the sake of clarity, Nick is employed full time by the church, while I volunteer as a small group leader and work outside the church.

Question: As the spouse employed by the church, how has support and participation from your spouse helped you in your ministry role?

Nick: I honestly don’t know where I would be without Elise. Having someone by your side who shares your passions, champions you, and bears the weight of what you are doing has been so encouraging and life giving. It has helped me to know that I have someone I can talk to who understands what I am feeling. I have been able to bounce ideas off of Elise. I can get a girl’s opinion on topics, conversations, and the ministry which is so needed. Without Elise I wouldn’t be where I am today, and honestly she has made me a better pastor by challenging and pushing me in what I am doing. She has been my biggest and most vocal supporter, especially as we have candidated together.

Q: What advice would you give a couple considering jumping into full-time ministry?

Nick: Make sure you are both on the same page with what you are doing. I am not saying you both need to have the same level of passion, but communicating about what you desire, where God is leading you, and what you want out of this are huge conversations. I have seen many friends struggle because they didn’t share their heart with their spouse and they have had to stop pursuing ministry to heal their marriage. So be open and transparent is the first part.

The second is protect your spouse who isn’t on staff. Often times churches look to hire two people for the price of one. Unless your spouse is getting a paycheck, they aren’t an employee and shouldn’t function as such. Talk through expectations as a couple, and then with the church staff.

Third, protect your time together. Don’t let ministry keep you from spending time with each other or your family. Don’t let ministry become a mistress.

Elise: Communication is key, both before you jump in and while you’re in the midst of ministry. Talk through what your ideal level of involvement looks like, and what areas you want to pursue. I would also recommend coming up with a mission statement of sorts, something that will help keep you centered on your ministry goals as a couple, and something you can revisit over the years when your goals might change.

It is also essential to set your priorities. My first priority is my relationship with Christ and my spiritual well-being. This means I often have to say no to things so that I make sure I’m being filled. I can’t give out of a dry well, which for me means I can’t be a leader or volunteer every time I’m asked. My second priority is to my marriage, and to support my spouse in his ministry role. Personally, I love being involved in student ministry, but I have to make sure I’m pouring into my husband even more than I am the students I serve.

Q: What has been one of the hardest aspects of pursuing ministry as a married couple?

Nick: Honestly, the hurt that comes with doing ministry. I am fiercely protective of Elise, and it has been so hard watching her get hurt by the church. Because we do ministry together, she knows when I am hurting and I know when she is. Ministry has extreme highs but really low lows too, and those cut deep. Let me encourage you to always protect and stand for one another. To always be each other’s champion and greatest advocate, but to also bring in people you trust. Have people you can go to who can speak into your lives and help care and guide you.

Elise: One of the hardest things for me has been sacrificing personal desires for the sake of God’s calling. And honestly, you will experience this whether you’re the one hired by the church or not. But for me personally, it’s meant letting go of some of my career goals and past jobs. It’s meant re-ordering my personal priorities in order to run wholeheartedly after what God is calling us to. It’s meant re-learning what it looks like to live a valuable, fulfilling life, as defined by Christ and not society. I’ve had to learn to identify the lies I tell myself, and speak truth into my heart and life.

Q: What advice would you give spouses not employed by the church, especially if they are struggling with being in a ministry context or knowing where to serve?

Elise: Again, communication is key. You need to communicate with God and with your spouse. If you’re struggling, tell God about it. Yes, He already knows, but the act of dialoging with Him about how you feel will help. It’s also important to make sure your spouse knows how you’re feeling, not in a way to guilt them but so that they can support and help you. Don’t blindside your spouse with your struggles when they become too big to suppress and inevitably blow up.

My other recommendation is to take action. If you’ve been serving somewhere and feel burned out, take a break. If you haven’t been serving and aren’t sure what to do, try getting involved in a ministry that interests you or could utilize your gifting. Sometimes the best thing to do is make a change–step back or step in and evaluate. I do encourage spouses of youth pastors to give student ministry a fair chance if they haven’t already. It doesn’t hurt to check it out and see if God is calling you to that area.

Nick: This is tough for me because personally I haven’t been on that side of ministry. But what I can tell you is this: if you are serving in ministry and your spouse isn’t, make sure to communicate often and clearly. Make sure to talk about schedules for work and for home. Make sure to set aside time for you as a couple, and also be willing to not just talk about “work.” Ministry is exciting and challenging and we want to share that. But that can be hard for your spouse if they aren’t involved with your area of ministry.

Let me also encourage you to help your spouse find where they need to be. I am thrilled that Elise serves in student ministry with me, but if she didn’t I would be okay with that. In fact if she served somewhere else, was using her gifts, and pointing people to Jesus, I would be beyond thrilled. Encourage your spouse to serve where they are passionate and their gifts line up.

When we were searching for jobs this last time, I had a huge prayer request: God help us to find the church we are called to and one that has a place for Elise to find deep friendships and affirmation of her gifts. I didn’t mind if Elise would want to serve elsewhere, I just wanted her to be affirmed and valued in her relationship with Jesus. That is what we should be desiring for our spouses.

Q: What if I don’t want to serve in student ministry? How can I still support my spouse who is working in that area?

Nick: I just want to say, it is okay that you don’t serve in student ministry. You don’t have to and you shouldn’t feel pressured to. What I would say is rejoice when your spouse shares good news and God stories. Get excited with them. Let them know how proud of them you are. Also, be understanding of the differences in schedules and time commitments, but make sure you talk through those as a couple. If you are finding time together isn’t a priority share that rather than harbor it.

Elise: I think one of the best things spouses can do is create a safe place for their church-employed spouse to come home to. I like to think of our home as an oasis, a calm in what can sometimes feel like a storm. No it isn’t always clean, and it is a rental, but I try to make it feel like home. I want it to have a calming effect so that when Nick gets home, he feels like he can rest, unwind, and recharge.

Q: Whether one or both spouses serve in student ministry, how do you set healthy boundaries? How do you make sure your marriage is a priority and that ministry issues do not bleed into your family time?

Elise: I think it’s essential to have “us” time built into our week. For us, this looks like regular weekly date nights and intentional time together on days off or over dinner. It doesn’t have to involve a ton of planning or a big production. It can just be take-out and a movie, or board games and snacks. Whatever it looks like, it’s time for just us to be together as a family, and to intentionally take a break from talking about ministry. Depending on the context, it also means not allowing phone calls or texts to interrupt our time. I strongly recommend having at least one “no-interruptions” time each week so that it is clear that your family is a priority.

Nick: I have worked in a variety of ministry settings with the workloads and hours being different in all of them. Having served in ministry for fifteen years now, I finally feel like we are beginning to have better boundaries.

The first thing I do is set hours for myself at work based upon a forty hour a week cycle. Now I know there are times we have to put in more hours, but we shouldn’t die to serve our ministry, we should die to self so Christ is glorified. And in order to die to self that means our priorities need to be correct: God, family, ministry. So for me, that means in order to have a healthy family life, I need to make sure I balance my work life.

I also try to limit work at home. When I am home I want to be fully present with Elise, and I would challenge you to be wholly present with your family as well. Sure I get the random texts and calls, the work emails, the Facebook messages, the Instagram tags, but my priority is my family and I am honest with people about that. If people don’t call me, I don’t hold it as a priority unless I see something that says otherwise. I try to create healthy boundaries between work and home.

I would also say making sure to have time with your spouse is huge. Elise and I have regular date nights on Fridays, and we talk about it. Not just to each other, but our students know, parents know, the church staff knows. In fact every Friday as I walk out, one of the receptionists asks what are our date night plans! It is awesome because people see the value that family holds in our lives and frankly, as a champion of family and student ministry it should. People should see it, and they should value and respect it. One of my favorite things is when our students see us out on a Friday and come say hello, but also ask how date night is going. They love it! And it helps to show young women what they deserve and how they should be treated, and it shows young men how to respect, honor, and uphold their sisters in Christ. Let people see you love your spouse and family, and they will intrinsically see how you love Christ.

Q: As the spouse not employed by the church, what are some ways your church-employed spouse can support you?

Elise: I think a big thing ministry-employed spouses can do is simply encourage their spouse, regardless of the context. Call out their gifting, support their passions, speak truth into their life. Sometimes it can be easy to feel discouraged, like we could be doing more, like we’re living in the shadows, or like we’re not contributing. Take time to uplift your spouse, and to encourage them to pursue their talents, hobbies, or interests.

Also, make sure time with your spouse is a top priority. I don’t want to fight against the ministry in order to have time with my husband. That’s a battle that can be difficult to win. Rather than make your spouse fight that battle, create intentional, quality time together. Take a break from whatever you’re working on and don’t bring it with you.

Q: I serve in student ministry full time and my spouse serves in a different ministry. How can I actively ensure I don’t leave them out of important decisions?

Nick: Communicate, communicate, communicate. This is huge! I can not say this enough. Make sure you talk through your schedules and calendar dates, and I would encourage you to plan six months out. Most ministry calendars are done by month or semester, so you know what is coming down the pipe. Take a day or evening and compare your calendars and make sure to show each other what you are doing. But even more than show, share the heart behind the events and planning. Let them hear and understand why things are happening when they are.

A few tips:

  • Create a shared Google Calendar of ministry events, work days/hours, and key meetings.
  • Periodically go to each other’s events to support one another and show unity in your marriage and the Body of Christ.
  • Share your heart and passions with each other.
  • Never value your ministry and calling over your spouses – God has uniquely called and gifted each of you and neither ministry should detract from the other.
  • Never use a ministry as weapon or assault. Don’t say “my ministry wouldn’t do that or schedule this way.”
  • Be transparent about what you are doing and with whom.
  • Be willing to admit when you mess up or don’t communicate.
  • Always be transparent and honest about how you are feeling – never harbor hurt, frustration, or anger. Those are seeds that the enemy would love to cultivate.
  • And once again: COMMUNICATE.

Q: I feel like we have a good marriage/ministry balance. Now what?

Nick: Praise God! That isn’t always the case, but if that is where you are keep pursuing it. Never get complacent in that, because when you do satan will love to throw a wrench into your marriage. This could be a time issue, a communication issue, or the issue of your work becoming your mistress. Keep protecting your time, relationship, and ministry balance.

I would also say that you should find ways to share this with others. Are there other couples you could pour into and mentor? Are you demonstrating this to your students? Have you shared about balance and healthy living? Find ways to not just keep a good balance but to equip and help others find theirs.

Elise: Keep up the great work! Because ministry and life are always changing, I don’t think we can get too comfortable. Keep pursuing your spouse, keep setting healthy boundaries, keep pursuing Jesus. And while you are doing that, find others who you can come alongside and encourage. Look for a younger couple to mentor. Share what you’ve found helpful with other ministry couples. Encourage those who are struggling. We must remember that none of us can do this alone, we all need each other.

We’d love to hear from you! Share your insights into maintaining a good marriage/ministry balance, how you set healthy boundaries, and the ways you prioritize your spouse.

The Art of Rest

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Recently I shared with our student ministry that rest is vital and necessary in our lives, and in fact is commanded by God throughout Scripture. Rest is something I have never been good at. I am a high capacity person: I wake up early, can run on little sleep, and just go. Rest has been something I have struggled with for so long, and after walking through the message I shared with my high school students, I knew I needed to share this with others and keep preaching this to myself.

Rest is holistic; it isn’t just sleeping or napping or tuning out, but a state of refreshment by pausing and being with God, allowing Him to take your burdens, and stopping to enjoy what He has given to you. I find that I can be with God but I don’t always give my burdens to Him or pause to enjoy life. Even on vacation I catch myself counting the days we have left, and thinking about what will happen when I return, rather than enjoying the time away.

As I was self-assessing, I came to this realization: there are others in ministry who function in the same manner. We understand our calling and mission and will sacrifice our own time, energy, bodies, and whatever else it calls for to see that mission fulfilled. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how un-biblical that actually is. God doesn’t call us to kill ourselves, but instead to find our rest and strength in Him. He sustains and empowers us.

From this understanding and some evaluation of past ministries and ways of living, let me encourage you to think about implementing these tips into your life to help you in resting and staying in ministry longer.

Spend regular time with Jesus.

This is one of those that we teach and espouse often, but it is also true that in our lives this can be the first area to suffer when we don’t rest well. We may still read our Bibles and pray, but when was the last time you spent quality time with Jesus? When was the last time you truly worshiped and just rested in Him? This is a challenge for anyone, but we as ministers of the Gospel must make this a priority. Truly our rest only comes when we are with Christ and giving Him everything.

Spend time with your spouse and family.

We are called by God to first be in relationship with Him and then to be ministering to, loving, and sharing life with our families. Often the priorities get misplaced in ministry with family being the number three priority (or less in some cases) because ministry becomes an idol. In fact, in the Epistles you see Paul talk about having your marriage in order before serving in ministry, because a marriage reflects into the ministry regardless of health status. But in order to rest well, and to be refreshed, we must pour into and care for our families. If we aren’t sharing where we are at with them, the stress will continue to grow, and potentially we may view the family as a contributing factor. Bring them in, share life, love them well, and watch as family changes into a refuge for you.

Have regular date nights and honor them.

Man, I wish I had done this sooner in my marriage. When Elise and I were first married, our schedules did not work well together. Hers was fluid and changed each week, and included working weekends. Mine was Sunday through Thursday, and there were some weeks we saw each other only as we went to bed. Date nights weren’t a thing because nights together didn’t happen often. Because of that we ended up not growing as a couple, and we knew something had to change. We picked a day (Friday nights) and have become very protective of that. We tell everyone about it, and now even our students ask what we are doing on date night. In essence we are setting an example for the families we serve by leading out. Let me also encourage you that when, not if, you are out and a church member or student stops you to not cut off the conversation in a rude way, but be honest and let them know you are on date night. It may feel awkward, but you have to protect your time together.

Honor your days off.

Let me say this: you get days off, treat them as days off! Don’t do work on your days off, don’t just “pop into the office for a few minutes.” Don’t be checking your email, or responding to a work-based text. We, you, deserve days off and rest like anyone else. This may mean you have to set up or reestablish boundaries at your job and within the context of your ministry, but it is healthy to do so. Yes, in ministry you can feel like you have to always be “on” but don’t let that detract from your time away and with those you love.

Find a hobby and do it.

Often when it comes to rest, people still need to be doing something. Rest doesn’t mean idleness or laziness, but resting in God and who He designed you to be. For me I have gotten into various hobbies over the years: cooking (let me know if you want my truffle, oatmeal cookie, or burger recipe), candle making, reading, biking, and much more. It hasn’t always stayed the same, but it allows for me to decompress and commune with God. Often during these moments I find myself talking to God, humming worship songs, thinking about Scripture, and finding ways to just be silent and rest in Christ.

Use your vacation time.

I will be honest: I am horrible at this. I always have extra time at the end of the year, and I am so bad at looking to use that time. In a way I feel guilty because I am taking time from where God has called me. But the reality we must face is threefold:

  1. Your vacation is part of your employment package so use it – letting it go to waste is like wasting your paycheck. One of my bosses made it clear to me that you were given this time because you deserve it and are worth it, so use it.
  2. By not taking your vacation time, you are essentially telling your family they aren’t worth your time, and the church is more important than they are. You must set an example for them that God has called you first to them, and then the church. And one of the ways you show this is by being with them, not just on days off, but on vacations and special moments.
  3. You aren’t the cornerstone of your ministry, Christ is. I think sometimes we worry about taking time off because we don’t have anyone to run the program. I get it, I have been there. But one of the worst feelings I have ever felt is when I had students and parents look me in the eye and say “this ministry will die because you are leaving.” If that is the way we run our ministries my friends, then we have failed. Our ministry should be rooted in Christ, and as such we should be building teams of people like He did who can do what we are doing. We should be training others to do what we do, which will allow for them to grow and bring freedom and peace into your own life.

Keep track of your hours, responsibilities, and other duties as an employee of the church.

Many times we just give of our time and it is easy to overextend yourself, especially if you are salaried. However, that isn’t healthy or needed. If you find you are always working, always doing, always on-call, start tracking what you are doing and bring others in. If needed, go to your supervisor and let them know what is happening and be honest with them. Let them know if you are struggling. Let them know if you need help or are drowning. I know this can be terrifying because the “what ifs” begin to abound. But if our leaders are truly following Jesus and being sensitive to His heart and leading, they should be good shepherds who care about their staff. This starts by being open and honest with them about where you are at.

Take time away from social media.

Social media can be defeating and debilitating. The sin of comparison can often make youth workers feel inadequate, envious, and lesser because of what they see others doing. If you are feeling exhausted or burned out, don’t just take time off, take time away from social media. It can be a fast for a day, a week, or month, or it can be by having regular unplugged days for you and your family. Elise and I have done this periodically in our marriage where we noticed we weren’t always communicating because we we using technology to fill that need. Eventually we took Monday nights and said no technology. It was awesome! We talked, played games, went on walks, and bonded as a couple. Let me encourage you to consider doing this as well.

Rest is hard, especially when you are in ministry. But we must rest. In order to be effective disciples of Jesus, spouses, parents, and ministers, we have to be resting in Christ. Let me encourage you to build healthy habits of rest and refreshment in your life, and to make sure your priorities are in order. Now go take a nap, spend time with those you love, and lean deep into Christ for sustainment.

Am I Too Old for Student Ministry? [Part Two]

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Last week we dove into the topic of being “too old” to serve in student ministry, and dispelled some myths we have allowed ourselves to believe. Today we’re continuing that conversation.

There are times in student ministry when we begin asking questions about ourselves and if we are still called to serve in the same capacity. Often times this happens after a difficult season, a rough conversation, or when we are close to burnout. We also see this manifest itself in regard to age. We ask if we have been in it too long, if we are still relevant, or if we’re called elsewhere because we’ve done our time.

If you are currently serving in student ministry and asking if you have gotten to be “too old” for it, let me encourage you to ask yourself some questions and self-assess. Take time to think through why you are feeling this way, and if you need to make a change. The following questions aren’t meant to be a fix all, but instead designed to have you critically analyze where you are, and determine the reasons behind your feelings.

Am I still relating to students and parents?

Often times we ask ourselves if we are still relating well. I think we sell ourselves short and believe that if we aren’t completely relevant we aren’t relating well. Relating isn’t about relevance, it is about relationships. Ask yourself if you are still communicating the truths of Scripture into the lives of those under your charge.

If you find that perhaps you aren’t, or there isn’t the passion you had before, dig into the reasons behind it. Check your heart and your relationship with Jesus. Ask, “What is keeping me from pouring out?” Seek to recharge, grow, and improve, and then see what God does.

Is there something I am not doing that I should do to be a better leader?

Often when we feel burned out or that we are “too old,” we need to step back and ask if there’s something missing. Is there something you could be doing to help you be better at what is happening in your ministry? If you find yourself not being up to running games anymore, that isn’t cause to stop being in student ministry but instead is an opportunity to empower and build up other leaders to help carry the charge. Instead of looking to walk away, first look to see if there are areas to improve.

Have I stopped caring?

If you find yourself not caring anymore, let me encourage you to take some time away and do some internal checkups on yourself. Often when we get frustrated or hurt and nothing is done to rectify that moment, we tend to want to walk away and be done. If you find you have stopped caring, please take time to self-assess and heal. Look deeply into what is causing these feelings and seek to move forward in healing for yourself. If you allow this feeling to continue to grow and fester it won’t only hamper your ministry to students but also your relationship with God.

Why do I view myself as inadequate or antiquated?

I have often heard from older and more seasoned volunteers that they feel inadequate or antiquated and because of that, they aren’t sure they should continue serving. Let me pause and say that no matter what age you are, you can still pour into the lives of students. Step back and ask yourself why you’re feeling this way. What has led you to this moment? Was it a hard moment, a parent’s comment, was it some asking you if you can keep serving students? Stop and assess, and then look at your heart and what you are passionate about. Are you still feeling called to love and care for students? If so, stick with it and run after them.

What am I looking for?

This is a hard question to ask because it gets to the root of what we are desiring. You must ask yourself if you are looking to “advance” or if God is truly calling you to a different role. I want to be pretty blunt here: student ministry is not a lesser role, nor is it a stepping stone for advancement. If you are using it that way, please step out sooner than later because ultimately you will hurt students and hamper their spiritual growth. In order to find out what you are looking for, let me encourage you to think through these areas: are you looking to advance in status, are you looking for better pay, do you want an easier role, is God calling you elsewhere, or are you just frustrated in the moment? These will help you to discern more about what is happening in your heart and where you need to be.

Do I need to find time to rest and recharge?

Many times when we question our abilities or consider stepping away, it is because of overworking and burnout. Before you think about throwing in the towel, take time to rest, reevaluate, spend time with Jesus, and have mentors speak into your life. Being able to reevaluate with a fresh set of eyes and a still heart will help you to see what is truly happening and engage in healthy ways.

Am I still excited about student ministry?

If you are serving in student ministry and your passion isn’t there, ask yourself if you still find joy in what you do, or is just something you show up to. There are seasons that are harder than others, but if you have found yourself to be struggling in enjoying what you do and what you are called to, get some people to speak into your life. Look at your relationships with God, family, and friends and see if you’re getting fed. Often we must look to the heart to see if we are spiritually healthy and then we can assess why we aren’t excited about our calling.

Am I simply looking for something different?

Sometime we just need a change of scenery. This isn’t a calling away from youth ministry but perhaps God is moving you in another direction to help others. First ask yourself if you are just looking to shake things up. Do you just need to try something new or change the structure, schedule, or format of the program? Don’t just walk away, look to see if changing something is where you are being led.

What would my students say if I left?

This isn’t the final and only say because there are always students who will say not to leave and the wise-cracking ones who will say you should never have come. But what I would encourage you to do is ask former and current students who you know have valid and thoughtful insight and see what they say. Ask them how they would feel if you left. Ask them if they could see God directing you elsewhere. Sometimes what we need to hear is encouragement that we are doing what God has called us to, and let’s be honest…the praise and encouragement of a students means a lot to us. Knowing we are doing what we are called to and that life change is happening is often the encouragement we need to continue in student ministry.

Am I making a difference?

This is a question you should ask yourself, your leaders, parents, and those closest to you. Don’t bank on one negative comment, or one student who writes off your program, but listen to those who know and love you. Let them be honest with you and see what their honest insight is into your ministry. A second set of eyes goes a long way in encouraging us and making sure we are on the right path.

 

Some of the best leaders I have served with have been many generations removed from this current one, and their students loved them. Not because of their sport prowess, or their ability to use technology, but because their leaders loved them, championed them, challenged them, and lived out Jesus to them.

No matter your age, if you are called, you are called! Personally, I believe an inter-generational student ministry is one where students, leaders, and families will thrive. Every ministry and church is to be a picture of heaven, and as such should have an inter-generational focus to it. We are called to shepherd and love those who are younger, and we are to mirror the kingdom of heaven in all we do. Because of that we should have old and young people together. Grandparents and parents should be serving with students. And the church should be a place of discipleship and inter-generational ministry. You are never too old, you are called and chosen!

Am I Too Old for Student Ministry? [Part One]

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What is the ideal age to volunteer in youth ministry? At what age should I step away from working with youth? Am I too old to volunteer? Is there any real benefit to having older generations serve in student ministry?

These are questions I have been asked countless times in a multitude of ministry settings. For some reason we have begun to believe that our ability to to engage with and serve others is directly dependent upon our age. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Before I get into the “right age for student ministry leaders” let me first dispel some myths we have allowed ourselves to believe:

I don’t understand culture, therefore I cannot relate to students.

I think sometimes we try to sell ourselves short because there is a generational divide or perhaps we don’t understand what is happening in our world. But the reality is you don’t need to understand culture to love and serve students. We aren’t called to be ambassadors for the culture but for Christ. So I would encourage you to consider stepping in and leading students by showing how the Gospel permeates all parts of their lives. But also let me encourage you to be a student of culture. Don’t sit by and think that because you can point students to Jesus, that you don’t need to understand what is happening. This is their world, so understanding it more will help you better serve them and point them to Jesus.

Technology isn’t for me, so I can’t communicate in the way students need.

I get it! It is so hard to keep up with technology, in fact students struggle with it too. What might be in today, will be replaced tomorrow. But here is what you need to know: simply because you don’t understand or don’t use technology is not a reason to be disqualified from serving in student ministry. In fact, I believe students need to disconnect from technology more because they are missing out on interpersonal relationships. Using who you are and your desire to connect on a relational level with them is more valuable than your technological prowess. Use this as leverage, not a crutch. But let me also encourage you to at least get into texting with students. You don’t need to use social media (although it wouldn’t hurt to have an account), but texting is the way the majority of students communicate. And if you don’t have a texting plan, check out various free apps (like WhatsApp) to use texting free of charge over WiFi.

I am too old to keep up with students, so I’m out.

Let me be pretty frank here: I am 33 years old and I can’t keep up with students. I try, but usually just end up getting hurt. Just because we may not have the physic we once did, the ability to put away food and not gain weight, or the energy that our students have isn’t a reason to walk away. Some of the coolest moments I have witnessed is when my older leaders love on students, play games even when they know they won’t win, and encourage their students. The ability to laugh, share life, and just be with one another is more important than being able to “keep up” with them. You don’t need to be the superstar athlete or the leader who can compete in triathlons, you need to be a leader who loves students, pours into them, validates them, and sticks around. That is more important than trying to keep up.

Students won’t listen to me because I am so old.

Students can be tough. I am a student pastor and there are times I truly wonder if they hear what I am teaching them. I prepare messages, I study hard, I try to relate, but there are moments I know they don’t listen. But I am not saying that to discourage you. In fact I am saying that to encourage you! Because while some students may not always listen, there are those that do. And even the ones who may not listen for a season do hear and learn from what you say and do. Don’t think that if someone doesn’t listen you aren’t needed or valued. In fact it is just the opposite. Lean in, keep pursuing them, and love them all the more.

I am more of a parent figure than a leader.

Sweet! Me too! I have worked with many parents and grandparents who don’t want to be seen that way because they fear it will keep students from opening up or discredit them. What I say to that is this: students need parents and parent figures. So many students today don’t have solid parents or role models so be that for them. Show them what a loving mom or dad or grandparent looks like. You aren’t there to parent them, but to love them and point them to Jesus, and the way you do that is by being who God has made you to be. Mom, Dad, brother, sister, grandpop, grandmom, and friend. That is who you are live it out. Don’t pigeonhole yourself and think it disqualifies you, use who God made you to be to reach students.

Teens scare me! I don’t think I could do this.

That’s okay, adults scare me! There are always going to be moments when fear invades our hearts, but we cannot give it the ability or the forum to control our lives. If you are scared of serving students, ask yourself, “What scares me about it?” And seek to overcome it. God didn’t give you a spirit of fear or timidity, but a spirit of power! Use it and pour into students.

So to answer the question, what is the right age…well honestly the right age is whenever God calls you to student ministry. You are never too old, you are never too removed, you are never past your prime. If God has put students on your heart run after them. Love them like Christ loves the church. Share life with them. Listen to them. Mentor them and bring them in. Don’t let perceived inadequacies or fear keep you from action, but rely upon God, study up on culture, and run hard after students.

If you are currently serving in student ministry and wondering if you are “too old” for it, next week we will dive into some questions you can ask to self-assess.

Surviving the Tough Side of Ministry: 7 Thoughts on Self-Care

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Let’s be real for a moment: Ministry is hard. It can be soul crushing, emotionally draining, depressing, and filled with anxiety. It has extreme highs, but also some of the darkest lows.

As a pastor or ministry leader, we feel the weight of what is happening in our ministries and churches. We bear the hurt and pain of our people, we feel deeper than most because we have been called to care for God’s sheep. The words people say, the loose tongue of a parent, the critique of a church member, a critical response from a staff member; they cut deep. We begin to question our skill set, our passion, our knowledge, and yes, even our calling. There are moments we feel so inadequate we feel like walking away. Moments after an amazing event or conversation that break us and make us feel worthless. Moments when we question, “why do I even do this anymore?”

Perhaps you are there now. Maybe it is has been that type of day, week, month, or year for you. Brothers and sisters let me encourage you: God has called you to this! You are being used in ways you could not imagine, and He is at work in and through you! Know you are not alone. I, we, have been there. And by His grace and the support of others you will make it through this season.

I have experienced deep hurt in ministry. I have been accused, personally and professionally attacked, and had my calling challenged. But as hard as those moments have been I have come out stronger, more affirmed, and more confirmed in my calling. The fire doesn’t stop you, it refines you. The pain you walk through, the burdens you bear, make you a better pastor and shepherd of your people. Know that the pain and hurt isn’t the defining moment of who you are, but a moment to better refine you to be who God has destined you to be. So as someone who has been in these moments and continues to walk through them, I want to offer you a few thoughts on self-care.

1. Make sure you are spending time with Jesus outside of “work time.” Don’t let prep for your Sunday or midweek service be your time with Jesus. Don’t just pray at church venues. Spend constant daily time with Jesus, and just like we tell our students, even if it is hard. Throughout the Psalms we see David struggle in his relationship with God but it doesn’t stop him from going to God. Be raw and real. Be honest with God about where you are.

2. Be honest with your spouse. I get it, we try to spare them and not burden them. Certain leadership moments and meetings have to stay there. But you need to be honest about where you are at and what you are feeling. If it has been a hard day, don’t mask it and don’t try to hide it. Be honest. This isn’t a free pass to be a complete tool to your spouse, but being honest and processing your feelings and responses is healthy and needed for your soul. Bring them in. Share what is happening so you have the one person God designed for you walking with you.

3. Go to a trusted mentor or leader outside the church and ask for their insight, feedback, and encouragement. I would highly encourage that you go to someone outside the church who is removed from whatever is happening. Often we will feel depleted and used up because of a certain moment, comment, person, or leader who is in our congregation. Having a removed third party will offer creative and critical insight into helping you move through it, grow, and respond. Find someone who has served in ministry longer than you and who understands the demands you are faced with.

4. Find someone to talk to. What I mean by this is that in many cases it is healthy to speak to a counselor about what is happening because of how it is affecting you. There are so many preconceived notions about counselors and counseling, but let me dispel them for you. I actually believe that it is healthy for all ministers (and their families) to periodically see a counselor to process what is happening in their lives. This isn’t a sign of weakness or defeat, but of strength and victory. Often a knowledgeable source and listening ear can offer effective, meaningful, and corrective insight into how to grow, adapt, and become stronger in who God made you to be.

5. Be honest with your superiors. I know as I type this that many will chuckle and say “yeah right!” I totally get it, I really do. I have been burned my superiors more than once. I have been hung out to dry. But here is the thing: that isn’t always the case. I am still trying to move past my timidity in bringing leadership in, but what I can tell you is that in my current context my superiors are for me! It is such a welcomed change, but if I had not brought them in I would still be on an island. Being honest with those over you before things blow up allows you to build trust and rapport, and to have people who have your back.

6. Step back and self-assess. Often times when we are hurt it may be due to our own pride and insecurities, but we don’t always see it. It is easy when many sing our praises, but if one negative comment crushes you and makes you question what you are doing, consider stepping back. Take some time to assess what you value: is it the praise and affirmation, or seeing the kingdom of God advanced? Either way there is still hurt and difficult moments, but the result is much different depending on where our heart is. So take a couple of days to remove distractions and spend time with God. Have others speak into your life. Bring in trusted mentors and confidantes. And use this as a time to heal and refresh.

7. Make sure your priorities are in order. I think what happens to the best of us is we make our ministry the focus of who we are and what we do. We are all about it because God has called us to it. But we cannot forget our first calling is to be a child of God. If we forget that our first calling is to love God, and instead believe the lie that serving our ministry is the same thing, then perhaps we need to step back from ministry. The same can be said of your family life. If you find you are sacrificing time with family, your spouse, your kids to be at your ministry, I would argue it is time for you to reassess your priorities. We are called first as children of God, second as husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers, and third as ministry leaders. We are to make sure our relationship is right with God, right with the family that is to mirror our relationship with Jesus, and then right with our ministry we serve in.

The reality is this: ministry is hard. But the reward is this: people will know Jesus and experience eternity with Him. The calling you carry is a heavy one my friends, but know you don’t do it alone. You have many who have gone before, many surrounding you now, and a Father who cares more than you can know. He will sustain and use you through the darkest of moments.

You have been called for a purpose, you are a kingdom worker, you are a chosen child of God, and you are chosen for such a time as this. Know that I am praying for you and am always willing to talk.

5 Thoughts for New Ministry Leaders

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I have been in ministry for over a decade and since then I have learned a lot about stepping into new roles and what to do and not do. If I were being completely honest, I failed in more ways than I care to admit when it came to stepping into a new role. I was often rash, too direct, quick to assert my ideas over another person’s, and way too aggressive.

Looking back I could make the argument that all of those characteristics were done with good intentions, but how I went about sharing ideas, vision, and implementation could have been handled in much better ways. What I want to share with you in this post are 5 key tips to remember as you step into a new ministry. These are not exhaustive, but I think if we remember them they will help anyone stepping into a new ministry position or role within a church.

1. Take change slowly. I remember my first paid ministry gig. I was a 24 year old senior pastor where the median age at the church was 55+. I was hired in to fill the pulpit, but very quickly asserted myself and began to take over other ministry roles held by leaders in the church because I saw how to “do it better.” My intention wasn’t to alienate anyone or to push people aside. In fact, in my heart I truly was doing it all for the kingdom of heaven, but in running so hard after the success and mission, I missed the people.

So many people had gone before me. They had put blood, sweat, and many tears into the ministry. They had great ideas. But when I started I thought I knew better. I had the experience, the ministry degree, the calling. But I missed the people and the reasons they had done things.

So here is my challenge to you: when you start fresh somewhere make sure to slow down, to listen, to bring people in, to build a team, and take your time making changes. A good rule of thumb is to wait 6 months to make big changes and to bring people in as you make small and large changes.

2. Make sure to build relationships and cast vision well. Often times it is easy to come and make changes because you believe and know it is the right thing to do. But if you don’t bring people in and share that with them, then more often than not, that change will fail. Before you even begin to make changes, build relationships.

Our ministry philosophy should never be program over people, but instead should be rooted in relational ministry as we mirror the philosophy of Christ. When you build relationships you are intentionally growing your team and helping them to see and believe in the vision. Change then becomes natural and part of the ministry DNA. Instead of making changes and trying to catch people up, build into people and let the vision flow through the relationship, then see people move the vision with you.

3. Always be willing to adapt. I am a Jersey Boy born and raised, but I went to school in the Midwest and did ministry there for over 5 years. What I learned very quickly is the Midwest is very different from the East Coast. The way of life, the pace at which things are done, the interactions between people, and even the way religion and faith are viewed were all very different.

What this meant for me when I stepped into a new ministry role is that I had to be willing to adapt my methodology, philosophy, and strategies toward my ministry setting. I wasn’t compromising my beliefs, values, or plans but instead was assessing my new ministry setting and working within the culture and respecting the people I was serving. Doing this will allow for more intentional interactions, rapid building of rapport and trust, and demonstrate to your people that you are there to minister to them not to be the center of the ministry (people over programs).

4. Take time to invest in the community. Depending on where you live and the size of the church you serve in, it can become easy to only be focused on the church family. Meaning, sometimes it is hard to see outside the walls you serve and work in.

My first paid ministry position was with a church that had 10 people including me. We met in the back room of an American Legion Hall and no one knew where or who we were. I began branding the church, looking for a new space, and developing our leaders. All great things in the big process, but I missed caring for and stepping into the community we served. Only when I physically moved into the community did I begin to see the needs and understand how to holistically serve our church and the community together. Then we saw not only growth in the church, but healing and hope come into a very broken area.

When you invest in the community more options are presented for the Gospel to go forth, people begin to see the church as the Bride of Christ, change begins to happen, and healing comes in amazing ways. So go to school games, check out community events, go to PTO meetings, bring donuts to various organizations or community groups, shop local, and look to give back. When you look outside the walls and understand your community, you are able to better invest in your ministry as a whole and this will naturally bring people in.

5. Finally, find a mentor. This is something I would highly recommend to anyone regardless of age, ministry experience, length of time at a ministry location, or level of education. Mentors help in so many ways from bouncing ideas and implementation strategies off of them, to having an empathetic and sympathetic person to lean into, and in many ways having someone to tell you when you have done a great job and when you need to shape up. A mentor is an advocate and a friend, and if I were honest with you sometimes both of those are hard to come by in a ministry setting.

I would encourage you to find someone outside of your church, someone who has been in ministry or served in a church in some capacity, is more seasoned than you are, and is willing to pour into you and speak truth into your life. This will allow for you to be open and honest without fear of reprisal and also help you to grow as a ministry leader. Be willing to listen to encouragement and criticism, process through difficult moments, to be grown and stretched, and to invest relationally. This will be one of the best decisions you could ever make to enhance your own spiritual walk and the ministry you serve in.

These 5 thoughts cannot guarantee a rapidly growing ministry or a church of thousands. But it can create a place where people are loved and valued, where the Gospel goes forth in powerful ways, and growth and development happen in your own life. These thoughts will help you to generate a ministry that puts people before the program, and allows for lives to be impacted and changed. Be an ambassador for the kingdom, and let God work through you, as you model the life of a selfless servant and see what can happen!