Tag: relationships

The Art of Rest

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Recently I shared with our student ministry that rest is vital and necessary in our lives, and in fact is commanded by God throughout Scripture. Rest is something I have never been good at. I am a high capacity person: I wake up early, can run on little sleep, and just go. Rest has been something I have struggled with for so long, and after walking through the message I shared with my high school students, I knew I needed to share this with others and keep preaching this to myself.

Rest is holistic; it isn’t just sleeping or napping or tuning out, but a state of refreshment by pausing and being with God, allowing Him to take your burdens, and stopping to enjoy what He has given to you. I find that I can be with God but I don’t always give my burdens to Him or pause to enjoy life. Even on vacation I catch myself counting the days we have left, and thinking about what will happen when I return, rather than enjoying the time away.

As I was self-assessing, I came to this realization: there are others in ministry who function in the same manner. We understand our calling and mission and will sacrifice our own time, energy, bodies, and whatever else it calls for to see that mission fulfilled. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how un-biblical that actually is. God doesn’t call us to kill ourselves, but instead to find our rest and strength in Him. He sustains and empowers us.

From this understanding and some evaluation of past ministries and ways of living, let me encourage you to think about implementing these tips into your life to help you in resting and staying in ministry longer.

Spend regular time with Jesus.

This is one of those that we teach and espouse often, but it is also true that in our lives this can be the first area to suffer when we don’t rest well. We may still read our Bibles and pray, but when was the last time you spent quality time with Jesus? When was the last time you truly worshiped and just rested in Him? This is a challenge for anyone, but we as ministers of the Gospel must make this a priority. Truly our rest only comes when we are with Christ and giving Him everything.

Spend time with your spouse and family.

We are called by God to first be in relationship with Him and then to be ministering to, loving, and sharing life with our families. Often the priorities get misplaced in ministry with family being the number three priority (or less in some cases) because ministry becomes an idol. In fact, in the Epistles you see Paul talk about having your marriage in order before serving in ministry, because a marriage reflects into the ministry regardless of health status. But in order to rest well, and to be refreshed, we must pour into and care for our families. If we aren’t sharing where we are at with them, the stress will continue to grow, and potentially we may view the family as a contributing factor. Bring them in, share life, love them well, and watch as family changes into a refuge for you.

Have regular date nights and honor them.

Man, I wish I had done this sooner in my marriage. When Elise and I were first married, our schedules did not work well together. Hers was fluid and changed each week, and included working weekends. Mine was Sunday through Thursday, and there were some weeks we saw each other only as we went to bed. Date nights weren’t a thing because nights together didn’t happen often. Because of that we ended up not growing as a couple, and we knew something had to change. We picked a day (Friday nights) and have become very protective of that. We tell everyone about it, and now even our students ask what we are doing on date night. In essence we are setting an example for the families we serve by leading out. Let me also encourage you that when, not if, you are out and a church member or student stops you to not cut off the conversation in a rude way, but be honest and let them know you are on date night. It may feel awkward, but you have to protect your time together.

Honor your days off.

Let me say this: you get days off, treat them as days off! Don’t do work on your days off, don’t just “pop into the office for a few minutes.” Don’t be checking your email, or responding to a work-based text. We, you, deserve days off and rest like anyone else. This may mean you have to set up or reestablish boundaries at your job and within the context of your ministry, but it is healthy to do so. Yes, in ministry you can feel like you have to always be “on” but don’t let that detract from your time away and with those you love.

Find a hobby and do it.

Often when it comes to rest, people still need to be doing something. Rest doesn’t mean idleness or laziness, but resting in God and who He designed you to be. For me I have gotten into various hobbies over the years: cooking (let me know if you want my truffle, oatmeal cookie, or burger recipe), candle making, reading, biking, and much more. It hasn’t always stayed the same, but it allows for me to decompress and commune with God. Often during these moments I find myself talking to God, humming worship songs, thinking about Scripture, and finding ways to just be silent and rest in Christ.

Use your vacation time.

I will be honest: I am horrible at this. I always have extra time at the end of the year, and I am so bad at looking to use that time. In a way I feel guilty because I am taking time from where God has called me. But the reality we must face is threefold:

  1. Your vacation is part of your employment package so use it – letting it go to waste is like wasting your paycheck. One of my bosses made it clear to me that you were given this time because you deserve it and are worth it, so use it.
  2. By not taking your vacation time, you are essentially telling your family they aren’t worth your time, and the church is more important than they are. You must set an example for them that God has called you first to them, and then the church. And one of the ways you show this is by being with them, not just on days off, but on vacations and special moments.
  3. You aren’t the cornerstone of your ministry, Christ is. I think sometimes we worry about taking time off because we don’t have anyone to run the program. I get it, I have been there. But one of the worst feelings I have ever felt is when I had students and parents look me in the eye and say “this ministry will die because you are leaving.” If that is the way we run our ministries my friends, then we have failed. Our ministry should be rooted in Christ, and as such we should be building teams of people like He did who can do what we are doing. We should be training others to do what we do, which will allow for them to grow and bring freedom and peace into your own life.

Keep track of your hours, responsibilities, and other duties as an employee of the church.

Many times we just give of our time and it is easy to overextend yourself, especially if you are salaried. However, that isn’t healthy or needed. If you find you are always working, always doing, always on-call, start tracking what you are doing and bring others in. If needed, go to your supervisor and let them know what is happening and be honest with them. Let them know if you are struggling. Let them know if you need help or are drowning. I know this can be terrifying because the “what ifs” begin to abound. But if our leaders are truly following Jesus and being sensitive to His heart and leading, they should be good shepherds who care about their staff. This starts by being open and honest with them about where you are at.

Take time away from social media.

Social media can be defeating and debilitating. The sin of comparison can often make youth workers feel inadequate, envious, and lesser because of what they see others doing. If you are feeling exhausted or burned out, don’t just take time off, take time away from social media. It can be a fast for a day, a week, or month, or it can be by having regular unplugged days for you and your family. Elise and I have done this periodically in our marriage where we noticed we weren’t always communicating because we we using technology to fill that need. Eventually we took Monday nights and said no technology. It was awesome! We talked, played games, went on walks, and bonded as a couple. Let me encourage you to consider doing this as well.

Rest is hard, especially when you are in ministry. But we must rest. In order to be effective disciples of Jesus, spouses, parents, and ministers, we have to be resting in Christ. Let me encourage you to build healthy habits of rest and refreshment in your life, and to make sure your priorities are in order. Now go take a nap, spend time with those you love, and lean deep into Christ for sustainment.

Am I Too Old for Student Ministry? [Part Two]

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Last week we dove into the topic of being “too old” to serve in student ministry, and dispelled some myths we have allowed ourselves to believe. Today we’re continuing that conversation.

There are times in student ministry when we begin asking questions about ourselves and if we are still called to serve in the same capacity. Often times this happens after a difficult season, a rough conversation, or when we are close to burnout. We also see this manifest itself in regard to age. We ask if we have been in it too long, if we are still relevant, or if we’re called elsewhere because we’ve done our time.

If you are currently serving in student ministry and asking if you have gotten to be “too old” for it, let me encourage you to ask yourself some questions and self-assess. Take time to think through why you are feeling this way, and if you need to make a change. The following questions aren’t meant to be a fix all, but instead designed to have you critically analyze where you are, and determine the reasons behind your feelings.

Am I still relating to students and parents?

Often times we ask ourselves if we are still relating well. I think we sell ourselves short and believe that if we aren’t completely relevant we aren’t relating well. Relating isn’t about relevance, it is about relationships. Ask yourself if you are still communicating the truths of Scripture into the lives of those under your charge.

If you find that perhaps you aren’t, or there isn’t the passion you had before, dig into the reasons behind it. Check your heart and your relationship with Jesus. Ask, “What is keeping me from pouring out?” Seek to recharge, grow, and improve, and then see what God does.

Is there something I am not doing that I should do to be a better leader?

Often when we feel burned out or that we are “too old,” we need to step back and ask if there’s something missing. Is there something you could be doing to help you be better at what is happening in your ministry? If you find yourself not being up to running games anymore, that isn’t cause to stop being in student ministry but instead is an opportunity to empower and build up other leaders to help carry the charge. Instead of looking to walk away, first look to see if there are areas to improve.

Have I stopped caring?

If you find yourself not caring anymore, let me encourage you to take some time away and do some internal checkups on yourself. Often when we get frustrated or hurt and nothing is done to rectify that moment, we tend to want to walk away and be done. If you find you have stopped caring, please take time to self-assess and heal. Look deeply into what is causing these feelings and seek to move forward in healing for yourself. If you allow this feeling to continue to grow and fester it won’t only hamper your ministry to students but also your relationship with God.

Why do I view myself as inadequate or antiquated?

I have often heard from older and more seasoned volunteers that they feel inadequate or antiquated and because of that, they aren’t sure they should continue serving. Let me pause and say that no matter what age you are, you can still pour into the lives of students. Step back and ask yourself why you’re feeling this way. What has led you to this moment? Was it a hard moment, a parent’s comment, was it some asking you if you can keep serving students? Stop and assess, and then look at your heart and what you are passionate about. Are you still feeling called to love and care for students? If so, stick with it and run after them.

What am I looking for?

This is a hard question to ask because it gets to the root of what we are desiring. You must ask yourself if you are looking to “advance” or if God is truly calling you to a different role. I want to be pretty blunt here: student ministry is not a lesser role, nor is it a stepping stone for advancement. If you are using it that way, please step out sooner than later because ultimately you will hurt students and hamper their spiritual growth. In order to find out what you are looking for, let me encourage you to think through these areas: are you looking to advance in status, are you looking for better pay, do you want an easier role, is God calling you elsewhere, or are you just frustrated in the moment? These will help you to discern more about what is happening in your heart and where you need to be.

Do I need to find time to rest and recharge?

Many times when we question our abilities or consider stepping away, it is because of overworking and burnout. Before you think about throwing in the towel, take time to rest, reevaluate, spend time with Jesus, and have mentors speak into your life. Being able to reevaluate with a fresh set of eyes and a still heart will help you to see what is truly happening and engage in healthy ways.

Am I still excited about student ministry?

If you are serving in student ministry and your passion isn’t there, ask yourself if you still find joy in what you do, or is just something you show up to. There are seasons that are harder than others, but if you have found yourself to be struggling in enjoying what you do and what you are called to, get some people to speak into your life. Look at your relationships with God, family, and friends and see if you’re getting fed. Often we must look to the heart to see if we are spiritually healthy and then we can assess why we aren’t excited about our calling.

Am I simply looking for something different?

Sometime we just need a change of scenery. This isn’t a calling away from youth ministry but perhaps God is moving you in another direction to help others. First ask yourself if you are just looking to shake things up. Do you just need to try something new or change the structure, schedule, or format of the program? Don’t just walk away, look to see if changing something is where you are being led.

What would my students say if I left?

This isn’t the final and only say because there are always students who will say not to leave and the wise-cracking ones who will say you should never have come. But what I would encourage you to do is ask former and current students who you know have valid and thoughtful insight and see what they say. Ask them how they would feel if you left. Ask them if they could see God directing you elsewhere. Sometimes what we need to hear is encouragement that we are doing what God has called us to, and let’s be honest…the praise and encouragement of a students means a lot to us. Knowing we are doing what we are called to and that life change is happening is often the encouragement we need to continue in student ministry.

Am I making a difference?

This is a question you should ask yourself, your leaders, parents, and those closest to you. Don’t bank on one negative comment, or one student who writes off your program, but listen to those who know and love you. Let them be honest with you and see what their honest insight is into your ministry. A second set of eyes goes a long way in encouraging us and making sure we are on the right path.

 

Some of the best leaders I have served with have been many generations removed from this current one, and their students loved them. Not because of their sport prowess, or their ability to use technology, but because their leaders loved them, championed them, challenged them, and lived out Jesus to them.

No matter your age, if you are called, you are called! Personally, I believe an inter-generational student ministry is one where students, leaders, and families will thrive. Every ministry and church is to be a picture of heaven, and as such should have an inter-generational focus to it. We are called to shepherd and love those who are younger, and we are to mirror the kingdom of heaven in all we do. Because of that we should have old and young people together. Grandparents and parents should be serving with students. And the church should be a place of discipleship and inter-generational ministry. You are never too old, you are called and chosen!

Am I Too Old for Student Ministry? [Part One]

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What is the ideal age to volunteer in youth ministry? At what age should I step away from working with youth? Am I too old to volunteer? Is there any real benefit to having older generations serve in student ministry?

These are questions I have been asked countless times in a multitude of ministry settings. For some reason we have begun to believe that our ability to to engage with and serve others is directly dependent upon our age. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Before I get into the “right age for student ministry leaders” let me first dispel some myths we have allowed ourselves to believe:

I don’t understand culture, therefore I cannot relate to students.

I think sometimes we try to sell ourselves short because there is a generational divide or perhaps we don’t understand what is happening in our world. But the reality is you don’t need to understand culture to love and serve students. We aren’t called to be ambassadors for the culture but for Christ. So I would encourage you to consider stepping in and leading students by showing how the Gospel permeates all parts of their lives. But also let me encourage you to be a student of culture. Don’t sit by and think that because you can point students to Jesus, that you don’t need to understand what is happening. This is their world, so understanding it more will help you better serve them and point them to Jesus.

Technology isn’t for me, so I can’t communicate in the way students need.

I get it! It is so hard to keep up with technology, in fact students struggle with it too. What might be in today, will be replaced tomorrow. But here is what you need to know: simply because you don’t understand or don’t use technology is not a reason to be disqualified from serving in student ministry. In fact, I believe students need to disconnect from technology more because they are missing out on interpersonal relationships. Using who you are and your desire to connect on a relational level with them is more valuable than your technological prowess. Use this as leverage, not a crutch. But let me also encourage you to at least get into texting with students. You don’t need to use social media (although it wouldn’t hurt to have an account), but texting is the way the majority of students communicate. And if you don’t have a texting plan, check out various free apps (like WhatsApp) to use texting free of charge over WiFi.

I am too old to keep up with students, so I’m out.

Let me be pretty frank here: I am 33 years old and I can’t keep up with students. I try, but usually just end up getting hurt. Just because we may not have the physic we once did, the ability to put away food and not gain weight, or the energy that our students have isn’t a reason to walk away. Some of the coolest moments I have witnessed is when my older leaders love on students, play games even when they know they won’t win, and encourage their students. The ability to laugh, share life, and just be with one another is more important than being able to “keep up” with them. You don’t need to be the superstar athlete or the leader who can compete in triathlons, you need to be a leader who loves students, pours into them, validates them, and sticks around. That is more important than trying to keep up.

Students won’t listen to me because I am so old.

Students can be tough. I am a student pastor and there are times I truly wonder if they hear what I am teaching them. I prepare messages, I study hard, I try to relate, but there are moments I know they don’t listen. But I am not saying that to discourage you. In fact I am saying that to encourage you! Because while some students may not always listen, there are those that do. And even the ones who may not listen for a season do hear and learn from what you say and do. Don’t think that if someone doesn’t listen you aren’t needed or valued. In fact it is just the opposite. Lean in, keep pursuing them, and love them all the more.

I am more of a parent figure than a leader.

Sweet! Me too! I have worked with many parents and grandparents who don’t want to be seen that way because they fear it will keep students from opening up or discredit them. What I say to that is this: students need parents and parent figures. So many students today don’t have solid parents or role models so be that for them. Show them what a loving mom or dad or grandparent looks like. You aren’t there to parent them, but to love them and point them to Jesus, and the way you do that is by being who God has made you to be. Mom, Dad, brother, sister, grandpop, grandmom, and friend. That is who you are live it out. Don’t pigeonhole yourself and think it disqualifies you, use who God made you to be to reach students.

Teens scare me! I don’t think I could do this.

That’s okay, adults scare me! There are always going to be moments when fear invades our hearts, but we cannot give it the ability or the forum to control our lives. If you are scared of serving students, ask yourself, “What scares me about it?” And seek to overcome it. God didn’t give you a spirit of fear or timidity, but a spirit of power! Use it and pour into students.

So to answer the question, what is the right age…well honestly the right age is whenever God calls you to student ministry. You are never too old, you are never too removed, you are never past your prime. If God has put students on your heart run after them. Love them like Christ loves the church. Share life with them. Listen to them. Mentor them and bring them in. Don’t let perceived inadequacies or fear keep you from action, but rely upon God, study up on culture, and run hard after students.

If you are currently serving in student ministry and wondering if you are “too old” for it, next week we will dive into some questions you can ask to self-assess.

8 Tips for Ministering to Pastor’s Kids

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I’m sure a lot of you have witnessed, or even been a part of, conversations that at some point included a comment like, “You know pastor’s kids,” accompanied by a sigh, eye roll, or shake of the head. If not that, then the comment that goes something like, “I really thought PK so-and-so would know better…” At some point you have probably witnessed a comment born out of the age-old stigma that pastor’s kids are (at the least) problematic.

I know this isn’t a prevalent issue in all churches. In fact many work hard to make sure PKs don’t feel stigmatized or ostracized. But the stigma can still manifest itself in smaller, less obvious ways. The root of the problem many times is assumptions. And those assumptions can leave PKs feeling frustrated, devalued, unseen, and even unloved.

I wanted to write on this issue because I have been a PK all my life. And to be totally honest, there were times I loved it and times I hated it. Most of the time I remember just wanting to be treated like a normal student. If I could simply blend into the group instead of being called out frequently, if I could just be treated like everyone else instead of being held to some unspoken expectation, I would have the opportunity to experience church like everyone else.

There will undoubtedly come a time when you will have at least one pastor’s child in your ministry. And you will have the opportunity to either love them well, or interact with them through assumptions, without ever truly getting to know them. The choice is yours.

In this post I’m sharing some basic tips that have been born out of my personal experience and observations, both as a student and leader in different youth ministries. I realize everyone’s experience is different, so if you haven’t found yourself making any of these assumptions, I applaud and sincerely thank you. Regardless of where you feel like you fall, however, I encourage you to keep reading.

The important thing to remember is each student, PK or not, is unique and will come to your ministry with different life experiences and needs. Checking your expectations and assumptions–and how they manifest in your responses and treatment of students–will help lay the groundwork for interacting with students well.

1. Take the time to get to know the person behind the label. This is the first and best thing you can do when ministering to pastor’s kids. Get to know them. Just them. Once you form a personal relationship, you will be better equipped to speak into their life as someone who knows them, not as someone who knows their parents. This will also help you in understanding their giftings and passions.

Youth leaders can sometimes assume PKs are or should be leaders in the group based on who their parents are, or the platform they seemingly have. And sometimes that is exactly where PKs are gifted–in leadership. But the only way to truly know this is to get to know the student personally.

2. Don’t treat PKs differently or hold them to a different standard than other students (unless they have been knowingly placed in a leadership position they have accepted). If you find yourself treating a PK differently than you would a non-PK student, ask yourself why you are doing this. If it’s simply because of who their parents are, or because of who you think they should be, you are leaving them out of the equation and it’s time to go back to the first point.

If you have gotten to know the PK and you want to encourage them to step into their gifting, make sure you have that conversation with them. If you see potential, meet with them to discuss what you see in them and how they could step into a leadership role. Make sure they agree to being a leader before making them one.

3. Don’t assume PKs are called to ministry. Just because a student is the child of a pastor does not mean they are called to ministry, or that they should be a leader within the group. Being a PK does not automatically qualify one for ministry or for leadership.

A PK’s potential should be recognized and cultivated just like any other student. If a pastor’s child has leadership qualities or another gift you notice, speak to that gift as you get to know him or her. But be aware, because of the nature of their parents’ leadership, some PKs may vehemently resist ministry involvement, regardless of their gifts. If this is the case, don’t try to force the issue. PKs need to know that they have the space, freedom, and acceptance to simply be themselves.

4. Don’t assume PKs are being discipled at home, or that they have an advanced knowledge of the Bible. It’s time for some hard truth. In some ministry contexts, pastors spend much more time caring for the church than their own family. Some pastors don’t know how to do discipleship with their children, and some simply choose not to. Never assume that a PK is getting discipleship or additional Biblical education at home.

With that said, please don’t “skip over” PKs for discipleship, Bible study, or mentoring just because their parent is a pastor. They may be in desperate need of care, attention, and guidance.

5. Don’t assume PKs have a great relationship with their parents or an excellent home life. Going along with the previous point, never make assumptions about a PK’s home life. Again, if a person in ministry does not have a good family- and church-life balance, they can end up neglecting their family, or at the very least, inadvertently sending a message to their family that they are less important than the rest of the church.

It’s important to be aware of this, and to allow this potential reality to shape how you treat and respond to PKs. If a PK is acting out, vying for attention, or shutting down, there may be more going on than their simply being “a typical pastor’s kid.” Some PKs also have to deal with stressors external to their family. Some have watched their parents walk through incredibly hard things. Until you have seen the full picture, don’t assume a PK is being difficult simply for the sake of being difficult.

6. Don’t call a PK out in front of the group, simply because they are a PK. If you’re irritated with a PK, this can be an easy trigger response. If they’re not meeting your expectations–continually disengaging, talking during the lesson, or seemingly distracting others–it can be an easy gut reaction to call them out specifically in front of the whole group. And in some cases, this may be an appropriate response, but weigh it carefully. If you’re calling them out because they’re a PK and “should know better,” it’s time to reevaluate.

Would you or do you give more grace to a non-PK engaging in the same behavior? Are you more patient with the “other kids”? Are you trying to make a PK fit a preconceived notion you have about them? Again, if a PK hasn’t knowingly stepped into a leadership position, beware of treating them differently than the rest of the group. Besides being unfair, this sends a message that you are more compassionate and understanding toward other students, but you have no patience for the pastor’s child.

In the end, getting singled out, especially if this is a repeat occurrence, will help foster a spirit of mistrust, frustration, and bitterness. If you are noticing ongoing behavioral issues, that is something to handle on a more personal level. Show your students that you respect them, even in the midst of your frustrations, and give them the benefit of the doubt. (It may look like a PK disrupted the group, but you might have missed that someone else actually initiated the disruption.) This approach will go a lot farther in helping to build bridges of understanding between you and the PK.

7. Use discretion when deciding what to report back to a PK’s parents. If the issue involved a non-PK student, would you report it to that student’s parents? If not, then ask yourself if it really needs to be reported. Youth group has the potential feel like an unsafe place if small problems are made into bigger issues and subsequently reported to parents.

The main reason why I’m including this point is because I experienced this in high school, to an unnecessary level. It got to the point that leaders were being unkind to me, I would defend myself, and then my parents were told that I was acting out and I would get in trouble. I share this point with the purpose of encouraging you to weigh what is truly happening in the group, and what needs to be passed on to parents.

Also, please make sure you give PKs the forum to explain what happened–they need to have the space and ability to speak up and share their side of the story. Not having the ability to tell what I experienced made me feel like I had no voice in the accusations being made about me.

8. Don’t assume PKs are above sinning or making mistakes. You may think to yourself, I would never do that, I know everyone’s a sinner. But your words can indicate otherwise. Please don’t tell a PK things like, “I expected more of you” or “I can’t believe you did that.” Don’t set an invisible, unspoken bar that a fallen human being cannot reach. Don’t expect a PK–or any student for that matter–to always make the best decisions, respond appropriately, or behave perfectly. Even the “best” PKs make mistakes, trust me.

Remember to respond in love, and if you do expect more from a PK, find helpful, positive ways to encourage growth. Again, not because of who their parents are, but because of what you see in them as a person. It is worth the time and investment it will take to make a lasting, godly impact on the life of a pastor’s kid.

The Trust Factor: Why Building Student Trust Matters

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If there’s one thing you should know about students, it’s this: they don’t trust easily. Students today have learned to be guarded, reserved, closed-off, and withdrawn from anyone they see as an authority figure. They often don’t trust people older than they are because that trust has been broken too many times to count and they don’t want to be hurt again.

Our students need us, as their leaders and mentors, to be trustworthy. This is the first thing youth leaders must realize. Students see this so clearly in everything we do and say. If we say we’re going to do something, be somewhere, take them out, show up at their school, or anything else, we have to stick by it. Students today have been so lied to, strung along, hurt, and misdirected that they’re just waiting for us to break our promises.

Think about this for a moment: Were you ever lied to as a student? Did someone tell you they would be there for you and they weren’t? Did you ever feel as if someone let you down? The answer is yes. We’ve all had this experience. But the truth is that over time this reality has gotten worse. Students today have come to accept this as the norm. Our word no longer means anything. Telling someone you’re there for them has no meaning for them. Students no longer trust us. We need to earn their trust by showing them we’re invested in their lives, their futures, and in them personally and spiritually.

As believers, we’re told to stick by our word. Matthew 5:33-37 points this out very clearly for us. We’re told to let our answers be honest and true. We’re told that our relationship with Christ is based upon trust and faith. And if we can’t model this to our students, then why should they listen to what we have to say?

Trust will change our students’ lives. Could you imagine what would happen to just one student if someone kept their word to them 100% of the time? Can you see them beginning to trust that person? Can you see the relationship that could be built? In order for us to reach them with the gospel, we first need to establish that we can be trusted. If we’re not being truthful, then why should they trust what we have to say? There’s no reason for them to believe if they can’t trust those who are teaching them about belief.

As leaders, we have a high calling to lead younger generations toward the saving grace of Christ. This can only be accomplished by first building a framework founded upon trust in the power of the cross.

Balancing Marriage and Ministry: Why it Matters

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We all know that maintaining a healthy marriage is important. We’ve probably all read enough how-to books and articles that we could write our own. But in the shuffle of everyday life—between church activities, Bible studies and meeting with broken students—it can become easy to forget why.

We feel torn in so many different directions, torn between our marriage and the needs of our ministry. It can feel selfish to set aside a night each week for date night. It can feel selfish to turn down activities and time with students or to screen calls and text messages. We feel like we can and should do more for our ministry and that those we serve should receive the best of what we have to offer. But the truth is, for married couples, a healthy marriage is the best we can offer to the church.

I know we forget this. Growing up in the church has given me a front-row seat to the heart-wrenching ending of too many marriages. I’ve been a sideline viewer for most of my life and it wasn’t until I got married that I learned the enormous responsibility I had shouldered by entering into marriage.

The world tells us that marriage is just about two people in love, and if they fall out of love, it’s okay to end a marriage and move on. But the reality is there is so much more at stake. The responsibility we assume is this: by entering into marriage, we have agreed to exemplify the relationship between Christ and the church (see Ephesians 5:22-33)—a commitment that will not be broken. Because of this, a strong and lasting marriage is not only essential to the two people in it, but to the entire church.

The church is longing for and strengthened by healthy marriages. Healthy marriages reinforce what is preached from the pulpit. Healthy marriages have the privilege of displaying the life-giving love of Christ for His bride. And healthy marriages help pave the way for the next generation.

This reality is especially true for youth ministry leaders and volunteers. Students are watching and learning from the marriages lived out in front of them and unfortunately in too many cases, what they see and learn at home or school does not exemplify a biblical marriage. Married youth leaders have a unique opportunity to model a healthy, Christ-centered relationship for each student they encounter.

In a culture where divorce is normal and common, young people need examples of strong, loving, godly marriages. What they see and learn will influence their view of marriage and their treatment of and response to the opposite gender.

The reality is that marriage is about so much more than two people. The next time you’re struggling to make time for your spouse, I encourage you to remember why it’s important. Remind yourself of why you are doing what you’re doing, and how many people are relying on you to do it well.