Tag: parents

Helping Seniors Spiritually Prepare for College

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For many families this time of year is filled with anticipation and stress. Anticipation because summer is coming and that means planning for trips, no school, camps and clubs, relaxation, and family time. Stress because it means planning. But planning of a different nature for some families.

For families of seniors this time of year can be especially hard because they are dealing with sending out one of their children to college, or to begin the next step in their lives after high school. They are releasing their student into a whole new phase of life, and with this can come many unknowns. Will they continue in their faith? Will they make wise choices? Will they wake up on time? Will they eat more than Ramen and Tasty Cakes?

As we think through this upcoming stage in the lives of graduates, I want to offer some ways you can help parents and graduates prepare spiritually for college. This list is intended to help foster and develop conversations that are ongoing.

Encourage parents to spend time checking in on their student’s spiritual health. Parents can ask them what they have been reading in God’s Word, what they have been learning from youth group or Sunday services. They can also ask how they can be praying for their student. And they can spend time walking through God’s Word with them.

Talk about the importance of finding a church, not from a legalistic approach but in a manner to help your students and families understand the benefits of a church home and the community it provides. Talk about important factors to consider like doctrinal beliefs, and what they are looking for in a church. Understand that their views may differ on minor issues like worship style or preaching style, but ultimately make sure it is a doctrinally sound church.

Encourage families to talk through expectations for how their relationship will be with their student moving forward. Their student will be an adult who is living on their own, and they will be responsible for many of their decisions. This changes some relationship dynamics, but doesn’t mean they stop being their parents. Parents can allow for their child to stretch and grow, but can also intentionally connect and follow up with them. Parents can check on their spiritual health, ask where they are going to church, ask how they can pray for them.

Families can find out what churches are nearby and which Christian groups operate on campus. Campus Ministry Link is an amazing resource that allows families to check what college ministries operate on the campus students are considering or attending. It is easy and free to set up an account, and then search for any college. The list isn’t exhaustive, but it is a great starting point.

Help families get their student connected with the college ministry at your current church. This will be a community that offers safety and support for students, and allows for retention of friendships and community within their home church.

Some great resources for parents and their student to walk through leading up to college are:

How to Help Students Dealing with Anxiety

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Students today are struggling with more than ever before. The pressures of academic success, making it into college, participating in extracurricular activities, holding down a job, shifting political climates, threats of violence, struggling with their identity, and trying to live for Jesus in a world that is dynamically opposed to Him are just a few of the pressures our students are facing. And that is all before COVID-19 began to cause even more undue anxiety and fear in people’s lives.

Perhaps as you read that relatively short list, you began to feel overwhelmed or exhausted yourself. That is just a taste of what our students are facing, and what we are seeing as a result of all these pressures is an increase in anxiety and fear. Having moments of occasional anxiety is a normal part of life, but chronic and consistent anxiety is on the rise, and students are bearing the brunt of this.

The American Psychological Association defines anxiety as an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure. The issue we must understand is that this definition is meant to highlight occasional moments of anxiety, and these symptoms for many students are prolonged and debilitating. The National Institute for Mental Health provides many helpful symptoms and identifying traits for those who may be struggling with prolonged anxiety stemming from a variety of disorders. Knowing the signs and symptoms will allow for us to better prepare to speak into the lives of our students and care for them in all circumstances.

Understanding that anxiety exists and is a part our students’ lives is the first step, but simply identifying a problem or issue is not enough. We must proactively engage and dialogue about these issues and look to help our students move through them.

So what can we do? I want to provide you with a few helpful tips to actively engage with your students and help them to live in the freedom the Gospel provides in a corrupt and broken world.

Engage in conversation.

I know at first glance this may seem simplistic because of course we communicate with one another. But students today don’t just want to communicate, they want to be heard and supported. Take time to actively engage with your students by asking questions and listening. When students respond, don’t simply look to generate a result or solution, but instead hear what they are saying, look to the heart issue, and walk with them. Open ended questions, like the ones listed below, are great at generating dialogue and insight.

  • What was the best part of your day?
  • What was difficult for you today?
  • How did you support your friends today?
  • How did you feel loved today?
  • When did you feel the most anxious today?
  • Share with me one high point and one low point from your day.
  • How did you encourage someone today?

Encourage families to create margin.

We are busy people. Life is always going, we are always doing something. It is essential for families to create space to just be and engage in life together. Instead of doing more things together, it is helpful to allow for there to be a time and place to just breathe. Whether it is an unplugged night together playing games, a family dinner, or spending time together after church. Creating margin and a relaxed place will allow for openness and easier communication.

Pray for and with your students.

When you are engaging in conversation with your students you will intrinsically pick up on ways to be praying for them. Students don’t always offer up requests of the heart, but in hearing them and walking with them you will find new ways to pray for them. This is also an awesome opportunity to model discipleship and soul care as you pray with them. Pray for them by name, lift up their requests, and follow up with them on what you prayer for.

Focus on the Gospel and speak truth.

Our world is broken and corrupt. Pain and fear run rampant. Our day to day is unknown. But we don’t serve this world and ultimately it has no power over us. I would encourage you that if and when your students come to you with fear or anxieties, speak openly about where our hope comes from, and how because of it we can live without fear. I would also say do not simply wait for your students to come to you to talk about this, but instead begin the conversations earlier. The sooner we practice and teach on this, the more beneficial it will be for our students. Here are some helpful Scripture passages to share with your students:

Be willing to bring others in.

There will be times when it is necessary to seek assistance in helping our students. When we may not have the answers, or do not know how to help, it is good to reach out for assistance. Having resources and contacts outside of the church is essential. Build a network of counselors, crisis intervention specialists, and emergency personnel you can reach out to in times of need. This is not implying you are ill-equipped, but instead recognizing that the strengths and skills of others will help you best care for your students.

Caring for High School and College Seniors During COVID-19

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While we are all attempting to navigate this new phase of life in which we find ourselves, for high school and college seniors it is especially difficult. All students are missing out on the same things, but for seniors, many rites of passage and coming-of-age events have been torn from their grasp.

Seniors are dealing with proms being cancelled, musicals being postponed, graduations being suspended or moved online, not seeing their friends, and missing out on all the things we took for granted just over a month ago. NBC shared an article that highlights how seniors are feeling and attempting to navigate this period of loss. They feel they are losing their friends, their education, and part of their identity as they cannot engage in the normal social protocols that surround senior year.

Our seniors are hurting and grieving as they experience loss at an entirely new level. During this time we can dial in and look to love, care for, and encourage our seniors. But how do we go about doing that? I want to share with you five ways that we can practically engage our seniors while we are home together. These ideas can be implemented through your ministry or passed along to parents to implement with their senior.

1. Pray for them.

This is huge and cannot be overstated. Praying for our students as a whole is essential, but praying for our seniors who are struggling in unique ways is extremely important. Seniors are walking through loss, questioning why things happen, asking if anyone cares, and wondering if God is in control. To be able to pray for our seniors is a privilege and allows us to go before God on their behalf. Pray for their hurts and loss, pray for them to be encouraged, pray for their identity, and pray for their future. May this time lead them into even deeper relationships with Jesus that will shape their lives going forward.

2. Allow them be heard and grieve.

There is a huge sense of loss right now for seniors and they are grieving. They are looking for an outlet for their emotions and feelings, but sometimes bottle them up because they don’t know how their response will be received. Be willing to let them share without judgement. Let their pain, anger, frustration, and sadness be vocalized. Here are a few ways to help students grieve:

  • Give them a safe space to share their emotions at their pace.
  • Listen carefully and respond appropriately – you are not meant to be the fixer but instead a supporter during this time.
  • Don’t hold too tightly to responses that are out of character.
  • Don’t minimize their feelings.
  • Love and champion them during this time.

3. Encourage connectivity.

This may seem a bit odd at first. How do we do this in a world of social distancing? But what we must remember is students are not just grieving loss of graduation and prom, but friendships and community as well. It is important that we help our students connect with their friends during this time, and we must understand that community will look different.

Most, if not all, of community is taking place digitally as a result of Covid-19. Encourage your senior to connect with friends through calls, FaceTime, group chats, and whatever other forums they use. Another huge aspect would be to make sure they are connecting with their youth group leaders and small groups. Youth leaders can set up various ways to communicate and even short conversations help a student to know they are loved and valued.

4. Pour into their lives.

Isolation is a big deal for all of us, but especially for seniors. They need people encouraging and loving them. Encourage parents especially to make the most of this time to grow closer to their seniors and be present with them. Parents can focus on helping them to grow as an adult, teach them practical skill sets, spend time hanging out together, and help them grow spiritually. We have been given an opportunity to engage with our students in new ways; let’s make the most of the time we have. Two questions to give to parents to help them think through how to do this are:

  • What would I want to share with my senior before they leave for college?
  • What is something that if my senior were in college now, I would have wanted to share with them before they left?

5. Celebrate milestones.

Just because things may have gotten cancelled or postponed, doesn’t mean that seniors cannot be celebrated or make memories. What if you took the moments they were going to have and made them happen in a creative and unique way? It will not be the same, but it will show your senior that they are not forgotten and that they are loved deeply. Here are a few ideas that you and parents could implement or use as a creative jump-start:

  • If commencement gets cancelled, consider hosting an online one for your senior and their friends. Connect with other families and decorate your homes for the commencement. Give each senior an opportunity to share from the “podium” and allow for a parent or two to share advice. Then call each name and have the student receive their diploma from their families. Another added sentimental touch could be having each family member write letters to their senior.
  • If prom gets cancelled consider hosting a mobile prom. Have your senior and their friend group all get ready for prom in what they would have worn. Girls could even get ready together over virtual platforms. Then have everyone get in decorated vehicles and drive around the neighborhood together playing some of their favorite songs. A cool way to have everyone listen to the same song is create a Spotify playlist and start it at the same time in each car. See if you can get your neighbors to come out and cheer for them as they go by. Consider having flowers for all the girls at the end of the parade and boutonnieres for the guys, and have them paired with cards from family and friends.  
  • Have a card shower for your seniors. Put out a call to all your friends, family members, church family, and neighbors asking them to write cards of encouragement to your senior. These can have fun memories, encouraging Scriptures, tips for the future, or whatever else you think will brighten their day. Give a deadline for the cards, and then host a graduation celebration for your senior where there is cake, balloons, gifts, and the cards.

How have you been caring for your seniors?