Author: Elise Loyola Mance

I’ve been a writer since I was 7 and I’ve loved learning it in various capacities, from writing for print publications, to journaling, to creative fiction and non-fiction writing. It is truly a joy in my life and a foundational part of who I am.

How 7 Words Should Shape Our Response to Teen Sex and Pregnancy

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As a kid growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, I remember the “purity movement” with its “true love waits” rings and books about giving up dating. I remember the guilt tactics, horror stories, and shaming. I remember thinking that once I became a teenager I would have premarital sex and become pregnant, and that was the worst thing I could do, the greatest of sins.

Now that I’m a youth leader, it’s my turn to join those approaching the topic of sex and pregnancy with students. I think we’ve all witnessed two extremely opposite responses. Some within the church might accept teen sex as normal or okay, or even go so far as to encourage it. Others might swing the opposite direction and choose to shame and cast out teens caught engaging in the activity.

I beg that God would enable us to approach it correctly, and that youth leaders would educate and respond to students in Christ-likeness, “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). I pray that we aren’t guided by judgmental legalism or cultural acceptability, but by the Bible alone.

John 8:1-11 tells the story of a woman who was caught in adultery. The religious folk of that time—including leaders and teachers—had gathered and were prepared to stone her. Jesus was present, so they asked Him what they should do, and I love His answer. He doesn’t say any of the things we might expect to hear today like, “She’s a sinner, cast her out,” or “Get on with it,” or even, “It’s hard to abstain,” or “Everyone’s doing it, so why can’t she?” Instead He says, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

One by one, each person leaves until the only person without sin is left—Jesus. And amazingly, the only person in that situation who could throw a stone, doesn’t. But He also doesn’t leave without saying something. He doesn’t lecture, He doesn’t condone. He simply says, “Then neither do I condemn you. Go and leave your life of sin.”

Jesus’ response goes against condemnation, self-righteousness and the general practice of shaming. It simultaneously goes against acceptance, turning a blind eye, or saying “Get a condom, prevent unwanted pregnancy.”

I see two things in this passage: love and encouragement to right living. And neither look like what we might expect. Society teaches that loving people means simply accepting them for who they are and what they do, regardless of what that is. Jesus demonstrates that loving involves more than just accepting. It includes encouragement to right living in seven simple words, “Go and leave your life of sin.”

As Christ-followers, how are we handling the prospect and occurrence of teen sex and pregnancy? Are we choosing an acceptance that says, “Teens are having sex, it’s happening, so let’s be sure to teach them about contraceptives”? The problem is this view is ultimately toxic as it treats the symptoms and not the problem. It may stop pregnancy, but it doesn’t stop the destructive behavior of teen sex.

But, neither does condemnation stop teen sex. It simply pushes teens out of the church, which should be the primary place they can find help. Because as a body of people claiming to follow Christ, we should be governed by His loving example. We should take up His words of “Go and leave your life of sin,” using it to teach teens the following:

Mistakes happen.

You aren’t perfect and never will be. We’ve all made mistakes and don’t pretend to be perfect. We don’t expect you to be perfect and we won’t kick you out or look down on you or love you any less for making mistakes. (Like the religious leaders in John 8, we aren’t in a place to throw stones.)

Your mistakes don’t have to become habits; they don’t define you.

Just because you make a mistake, doesn’t mean the behavior has to or should continue. Poor choices and mistakes that are allowed to continue will eventually become habits, and these are not habits you want to form.

The Bible outlines the ways in which God wants us to live.

We obey not out of compulsion or a desire to be “good enough” for God, but because He wants the best for us. And, if we have a relationship with Jesus, our understanding of His sacrifice fuels our desire to devote our lives to Him. We will educate you on this, and we’ll have open dialogue about issues like teen sex, pregnancy, etc., because nothing is off-limits for discussion. We don’t believe in remaining silent.

There is so much more beyond the here and now.

And we want to help you fix your eyes on what is waiting after this life. We believe that knowing life doesn’t end here changes your perspective on the present. Sure, things may feel great (or at times hopeless) in the moment, but it’s all temporary, it all fades. Life in Christ lasts forever.

We want to help, encourage, equip and motivate you to live your life for Jesus.

We want to help you wrestle with the tough questions. We want to support you in whatever you are dealing with. We will provide a safe place for you to talk through whatever is on your mind or going on in your life, without judgement or condemnation. We are, after all, a family.

Can you imagine how churches would be changed if people stepped outside of their preconceived notions of church and how they think it should be and got back to just the Bible? In times of question, when the church is wrestling with where it should stand on important issues, the only place it should turn is the Bible. We shouldn’t look to the political climate, the actions of others, or social pressures. In the end, those aren’t the things we’ll be answering to; we’ll be answering to God alone.

So what happens when one of your youth group attendees ends up pregnant? Is she out the door, allowed to attend under attitudes of judgement and disgust, or told to get an abortion before anyone knows she’s pregnant? Do you think Jesus would encourage any of those responses? I believe He would champion us to show love, grace and become a people who will offer help and support. The reality is that there are now two lives that need Jesus, and none that need condemnation.

I pray that as youth leaders, we will help teens become stronger in their faith, more sure of their beliefs, and equipped to know and understand the Bible and the truth it contains. And I pray for love like Jesus, for us and for the church.

Get Off the Fence: Why Students Need You Now

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I started volunteering in high school ministry because of the leaders I didn’t have. As a high school student, I couldn’t help but notice the lack of interest in the youth group, particularly from the older generation. I remember feeling like people were scared of us, and wishing that more people cared. As a senior, I started helping to plan and run events, and when our youth pastor left, it cemented the realization that students desperately need leaders to show up consistently.

Over the past decade, I’ve made it a goal not just to be a volunteer leader, but to encourage others to volunteer or continue volunteering. It’s not without its challenges, but working in student ministry is always, always worth it. If you’re on the fence about it, here are three key components to consider.

Show students that they matter

One of the biggest things volunteer leaders can do every week is often the simplest: just show up. Setting aside time from your life and schedule, arriving consistently and on time, and being present communicates something. It shows students that they are important, valuable, and that they matter. It shows that you are willing to invest the precious resource of your time into their lives.

No, you won’t always hear people saying thank you, but over time, you will build something meaningful with your students. You will build reliability, and will show that you care. You will provide stability, and show that you are available, whenever your students need you.

These students, the next generation, they’re not going to become the church once they reach adulthood. They are the church now. Students need to know that they are important co-laborers in the work that God is doing, and they need to know that they have a place. Consistent leadership helps reinforce their importance and their value.

Teach the truth

Students learn from a multitude of channels–their school, their parents, their friends, social media, and countless external sources. These channels can reinforce and teach the truth, or they can spin a tangled web of lies that can be overwhelming and impossible to navigate alone. Without a foundation of biblical truth, how can we expect students to determine what is true and what is not?

As a volunteer leader, you have an enormous opportunity and responsibility to guide students to the truth. And unfortunately, you can’t always rely on other channels. Sometimes youth group is the only place where students will hear the truth about God, humanity, and our desperate need for Jesus. And sometimes, you may be the only person speaking truth into their life. It may seem daunting, but when faced with the reality of life apart from God, the work is well worth it.

Create a legacy

As members of the church, we walk in the footsteps of those who have gone before us. The decisions and actions of older generations will always affect those who follow. As leaders within the church today, now is our time to decide what we will leave behind.

Will our season of church leadership be celebrated or mourned? Will we be known for how we led with godliness and truth, or for how we kept silent? Will we be remembered for uplifting the youth of our congregations, or will we be responsible for the loss of an entire generation within the church? It’s our decision to make, but each of us will leave behind a legacy.

As a volunteer leader and member of the church body, you are actively creating a legacy for your students and the generations that follow. This is your opportunity to contribute to the history of the church, to build up the body, and to set an example for the students you lead.

Consider this your invitation to get off the fence, care for students, teach biblical truth, and create a lasting legacy.

Learning About Success from the Life of Joseph

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Success. It’s something our culture thrives off of and lives for. It consumes many of us as we struggle to achieve our vision of a successful life. It has become a necessity for earning the respect and attention of colleagues and friends.

What does success look like to you and how do you measure it? Is it reaching a goal or milestone, becoming financially stable, achieving power, or becoming well-known? Whatever it is, it always involves forward motion, personal growth, and some measure of independence or self-reliance. But what happens when we don’t see our version of success?

I struggled with feeling unsuccessful in my career when I took a part time job that had nothing to do with my field. I felt like I wasn’t doing anything worthwhile with my work, or achieving anything in my career. I wondered what God was doing, but I didn’t feel like putting in the effort to find out. I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible and find something that would feel more fulfilling.

In church, I spent most Sundays sulking in my seat, thinking about all the great things people around me were doing while my life was at a standstill. Then one Sunday there was a message on Joseph and my entire perspective changed. God completely transformed my view of success through the life of Joseph (chronicled in Genesis 37-50), teaching me that His definition of success is much different than mine.

Work for the Lord

The first lesson that the life of Joseph taught me was to work for the Lord wherever I am, no matter where that might be, no matter what I am doing. Regardless of where Joseph was, he was constantly focused on honoring God and working for Him. He spent time in slavery and in prison—places far worse than a frustrating job—but didn’t let that detract him from the Lord’s work.

As followers of Jesus, the Bible calls us to work as though we’re working for Him, not for men, because we are ultimately serving Christ (Colossians 3:23-24). This sounds simple, but it should affect every aspect of what we do. This truth calls me to examine whether or not my work is honoring to the Lord. Am I diligently and thoroughly completing each task in a way that represents my love for Him? Or am I doing the minimum to simply get the job done? Joseph challenges me to do more and be more for the Lord.

Don’t get distracted by circumstances

Sometimes the circumstances of our lives cause us to question where God is and what He is doing. No doubt Joseph wondered this as he was being sold as a slave to the Ishmaelites by his brothers. Or when Potiphar’s wife lied about him attempting to rape her, which got him thrown into prison. Or when his fellow prisoner, the chief cupbearer, forgot about him when he was restored to his post by Pharaoh. But when we look at Joseph’s life as a whole, God allows us to see how He was working through each circumstance to bring about His divine plan.

In the midst of a challenging circumstance, it’s difficult or even impossible to see the big picture. At times God gives us a glimpse into what He is doing and how He is working, but even when He doesn’t, we can know for certain that He is working (Romans 8:28). Difficult circumstances are an exercise in trust and obedience as we make ourselves available for the Lord’s work and watch to see where He will move.

Don’t worry about direction

When I look at the life of Joseph, I see that God’s way of working doesn’t always make sense and sometimes feels backward. Instead of building from a slave to free man to a leader, Joseph went from being a slave to a prisoner and then to a leader. Going from a slave to a prisoner sounds like a backward move and I’m sure at the time it felt like things were going from bad to worse. Where’s the success in becoming a prisoner? But God used this as a critical step to get Joseph where He ultimately wanted him, in Pharaoh’s court.

When I went from having a great full-time job in my career field to that part time job, it absolutely felt like a backward move. The forward momentum of my career suddenly stopped and I felt like I lost all that I had gained. It was important for me to learn that a “backward” move didn’t really mean anything to the whole picture of my life because God was using it to put me where He wanted me. This was a step in a direction that only He knew and I needed to trust Him in it.

God is always with you

This is the greatest, most amazing truth for followers of Jesus: the God of the universe is with us (Matthew 28:20)! And God was with Joseph, as Genesis 39 states multiple times (verses 2, 21 and 23). We, like Joseph, never have to face the challenges of life alone. We have a constant source of strength, help and guidance throughout our lives. And this brings me to my next lesson from Joseph.

Success is from the Lord

Not only does the account of Joseph’s life make it clear that God was with him, but it also clearly states that the Lord gave him the success he experienced (Genesis 39:2, 23). This is a convicting reminder for my selfish pride; when I think I am successful, I’m not. Only the Lord can generate success and He grants it to whomever He wills whenever He wants.

This should cause us to question, the next time I am praised for a job well done, to whom do I credit my success? Do I build myself up or do I give credit to the only Reason for my achievement? It’s important to mentally make the shift from thinking of success as me-centric to God-centric as He is the one deserving of all glory and praise.

Learn God’s definition of success

Finally, and most importantly, we need to adopt God’s definition of success, which is extremely counter-cultural. He isn’t looking for His followers to get rich quick or achieve fame status, though at times He does grant those things and more. His definition of success results in the saving of lives.

In Joseph’s story, God used all the circumstances—good and bad—to bring about His ultimate plan to save His people from seven years of famine (Genesis 41-47). In our story, God wants to use us to save lives not just temporarily, but eternally. He moves us, through our circumstances, to lost and hurting people, in desperate need of salvation. Our job is to look for and take advantage of those opportunities, sharing the good news of Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:19-20).