Tag: help

Our Picks: 10 Must-Follow Twitter Accounts

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Today we are starting a series that will show up periodically called: Our Picks. This series is designed to look at resources and tools to help youth workers succeed. Part of what we want to do here at Kalos is encourage and equip other youth workers by getting the best possible resources into your hands.

This post will look at my (Nick’s) must-follow Twitter accounts. These aren’t exhaustive, and trust me I may post more about this later because picking just ten is incredibly difficult! But I do believe these accounts will be advantageous to anyone who utilizes them, their resources, and the people who curate them.

1. @CPYU – CPYU stands for the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding and is run by Walt Mueller. Walt and his team have been investing in the lives of families for over 30 years, and they produce quality resources. Their mission is to work with churches, schools, and community organizations to build stronger relationships between young people and those charged with helping them grow into healthy adulthood.

One of the benefits of CPYU is that many of their resources are free and easily accessible. They deal with cultural trends, family dynamics, youth ministry resources, and difficult topics like self-harm, eating disorders, LGBTQ+, and many others. One of the best resources they have is their podcast, Youth Culture Matters, which I would highly recommend listening to; it is one of the best out there.

2. @HomeWordCenter – HomeWord is the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacifica University and is curated by Dr. Jim Burns (see below), Doug Fields, and Jim Liebelt. They put out quality resources and their mission is “Helping Families Succeed.” This website contains Dr. Burn’s blog which will deal with marriage, families, relationships, and much more; free resources on cultural trends, devotionals, help for leaders, and advice; and there is an online store to purchase additional materials.

3. @drjimburns – Jim Burns is one of the founders and creators of HomeWord and contributes to the HomeWord website and resources. He has been instrumental in helping parents, marriages, families, and children in understanding key developmental aspects in their relationships, and providing insight and knowledge into helping to shape and grow families.

4. @christopheryuan – Dr. Yuan is a professor, author, and speaker who specializes in helping people understand biblical sexuality and identity. His content is Biblically sound, theologically thought out, and easy to understand. He gives insight that church leaders can easily use in a variety of contexts and and is always willing to look to the heart and Gospel rather than just issue blanket statements. Dr. Yuan writes often on various topics and these can be found on his website.

5. @JackieHillPerry – Jackie Hill Perry is an author, speaker, spoken word artist, and very active on her social media accounts. Jackie wrote a book called “Gay Girl, Good God” which looks at her life as a gay woman and how the Gospel radically changed her life. Jackie is very honest, real, and thoughtful in her approach to homosexuality and any topic she discusses. Be prepared to laugh, be challenged, and think through a variety of topics should you follow her.

6. @DianeLangberg – Diane Langberg, PhD, is a noted psychologist for trauma survivors and clergy, an international speaker, author, and consultant. Diane has her own podcast, resources, and articles where she helps survivors process through what happened, talks through ways to move through pain and grief, examines the church’s role in counseling, and equips ministers of the Gospel to helps others.

7. @PrestonSprinkle – Preston Sprinkle, PhD, is an author, speaker, professor, and avid blogger. Preston speaks on a variety of topics that churches have often shied away from. He approaches topics like sexuality, identity, hell, violence, and much more. Sprinkle always looks to make you think, to challenge the status quo, and to help you process through a thoughtful and Biblical response to how we engage with culture. His website has his blog, resources, his podcast, and much more.

8. @timothyeldred – Tim is an author, speaker, pastor, and a great friend. Tim has a heart for students and you see this often in the content he puts out. He is also the author of “Alone Sucks;” the founder of YouEquip, which helps to set youth workers in the proper role while moving them toward greater success; and the founder of WAVES, which is a worldwide program designed to help young people grow, recognize their potential, put their faith into action, and change the world.

9. @stuffyoucanuse – Stuff You Can Use is a great resource for any youth worker or for a pastor who oversees a youth worker or youth ministry. They put out great resources (many of which are free), develop and offer curriculum, host online forums and Facebook groups, and are actively engaged in helping and coaching youth workers. This is a community resource and a place to be grown, challenged, resourced, and equipped.

10. @fullerFYI – Fuller Youth Institute is a great resource that looks at handling everything student- and family-oriented and is a must-follow. They are constantly researching, posting new content, offering resources, and hosting interviews and podcasts. This is an invaluable resource for anyone in any ministry position as it will offer you great insight and understanding in how to minister to the families in your church.

I hope you give all of these resources a follow and that they benefit your ministry and you as you serve. I would love to hear of some of your favorite Twitter accounts and can’t wait to check them out as well!

5 Thoughts for New Ministry Leaders

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I have been in ministry for over a decade and since then I have learned a lot about stepping into new roles and what to do and not do. If I were being completely honest, I failed in more ways than I care to admit when it came to stepping into a new role. I was often rash, too direct, quick to assert my ideas over another person’s, and way too aggressive.

Looking back I could make the argument that all of those characteristics were done with good intentions, but how I went about sharing ideas, vision, and implementation could have been handled in much better ways. What I want to share with you in this post are 5 key tips to remember as you step into a new ministry. These are not exhaustive, but I think if we remember them they will help anyone stepping into a new ministry position or role within a church.

1. Take change slowly. I remember my first paid ministry gig. I was a 24 year old senior pastor where the median age at the church was 55+. I was hired in to fill the pulpit, but very quickly asserted myself and began to take over other ministry roles held by leaders in the church because I saw how to “do it better.” My intention wasn’t to alienate anyone or to push people aside. In fact, in my heart I truly was doing it all for the kingdom of heaven, but in running so hard after the success and mission, I missed the people.

So many people had gone before me. They had put blood, sweat, and many tears into the ministry. They had great ideas. But when I started I thought I knew better. I had the experience, the ministry degree, the calling. But I missed the people and the reasons they had done things.

So here is my challenge to you: when you start fresh somewhere make sure to slow down, to listen, to bring people in, to build a team, and take your time making changes. A good rule of thumb is to wait 6 months to make big changes and to bring people in as you make small and large changes.

2. Make sure to build relationships and cast vision well. Often times it is easy to come and make changes because you believe and know it is the right thing to do. But if you don’t bring people in and share that with them, then more often than not, that change will fail. Before you even begin to make changes, build relationships.

Our ministry philosophy should never be program over people, but instead should be rooted in relational ministry as we mirror the philosophy of Christ. When you build relationships you are intentionally growing your team and helping them to see and believe in the vision. Change then becomes natural and part of the ministry DNA. Instead of making changes and trying to catch people up, build into people and let the vision flow through the relationship, then see people move the vision with you.

3. Always be willing to adapt. I am a Jersey Boy born and raised, but I went to school in the Midwest and did ministry there for over 5 years. What I learned very quickly is the Midwest is very different from the East Coast. The way of life, the pace at which things are done, the interactions between people, and even the way religion and faith are viewed were all very different.

What this meant for me when I stepped into a new ministry role is that I had to be willing to adapt my methodology, philosophy, and strategies toward my ministry setting. I wasn’t compromising my beliefs, values, or plans but instead was assessing my new ministry setting and working within the culture and respecting the people I was serving. Doing this will allow for more intentional interactions, rapid building of rapport and trust, and demonstrate to your people that you are there to minister to them not to be the center of the ministry (people over programs).

4. Take time to invest in the community. Depending on where you live and the size of the church you serve in, it can become easy to only be focused on the church family. Meaning, sometimes it is hard to see outside the walls you serve and work in.

My first paid ministry position was with a church that had 10 people including me. We met in the back room of an American Legion Hall and no one knew where or who we were. I began branding the church, looking for a new space, and developing our leaders. All great things in the big process, but I missed caring for and stepping into the community we served. Only when I physically moved into the community did I begin to see the needs and understand how to holistically serve our church and the community together. Then we saw not only growth in the church, but healing and hope come into a very broken area.

When you invest in the community more options are presented for the Gospel to go forth, people begin to see the church as the Bride of Christ, change begins to happen, and healing comes in amazing ways. So go to school games, check out community events, go to PTO meetings, bring donuts to various organizations or community groups, shop local, and look to give back. When you look outside the walls and understand your community, you are able to better invest in your ministry as a whole and this will naturally bring people in.

5. Finally, find a mentor. This is something I would highly recommend to anyone regardless of age, ministry experience, length of time at a ministry location, or level of education. Mentors help in so many ways from bouncing ideas and implementation strategies off of them, to having an empathetic and sympathetic person to lean into, and in many ways having someone to tell you when you have done a great job and when you need to shape up. A mentor is an advocate and a friend, and if I were honest with you sometimes both of those are hard to come by in a ministry setting.

I would encourage you to find someone outside of your church, someone who has been in ministry or served in a church in some capacity, is more seasoned than you are, and is willing to pour into you and speak truth into your life. This will allow for you to be open and honest without fear of reprisal and also help you to grow as a ministry leader. Be willing to listen to encouragement and criticism, process through difficult moments, to be grown and stretched, and to invest relationally. This will be one of the best decisions you could ever make to enhance your own spiritual walk and the ministry you serve in.

These 5 thoughts cannot guarantee a rapidly growing ministry or a church of thousands. But it can create a place where people are loved and valued, where the Gospel goes forth in powerful ways, and growth and development happen in your own life. These thoughts will help you to generate a ministry that puts people before the program, and allows for lives to be impacted and changed. Be an ambassador for the kingdom, and let God work through you, as you model the life of a selfless servant and see what can happen!

The Trust Factor: Why Building Student Trust Matters

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If there’s one thing you should know about students, it’s this: they don’t trust easily. Students today have learned to be guarded, reserved, closed-off, and withdrawn from anyone they see as an authority figure. They often don’t trust people older than they are because that trust has been broken too many times to count and they don’t want to be hurt again.

Our students need us, as their leaders and mentors, to be trustworthy. This is the first thing youth leaders must realize. Students see this so clearly in everything we do and say. If we say we’re going to do something, be somewhere, take them out, show up at their school, or anything else, we have to stick by it. Students today have been so lied to, strung along, hurt, and misdirected that they’re just waiting for us to break our promises.

Think about this for a moment: Were you ever lied to as a student? Did someone tell you they would be there for you and they weren’t? Did you ever feel as if someone let you down? The answer is yes. We’ve all had this experience. But the truth is that over time this reality has gotten worse. Students today have come to accept this as the norm. Our word no longer means anything. Telling someone you’re there for them has no meaning for them. Students no longer trust us. We need to earn their trust by showing them we’re invested in their lives, their futures, and in them personally and spiritually.

As believers, we’re told to stick by our word. Matthew 5:33-37 points this out very clearly for us. We’re told to let our answers be honest and true. We’re told that our relationship with Christ is based upon trust and faith. And if we can’t model this to our students, then why should they listen to what we have to say?

Trust will change our students’ lives. Could you imagine what would happen to just one student if someone kept their word to them 100% of the time? Can you see them beginning to trust that person? Can you see the relationship that could be built? In order for us to reach them with the gospel, we first need to establish that we can be trusted. If we’re not being truthful, then why should they trust what we have to say? There’s no reason for them to believe if they can’t trust those who are teaching them about belief.

As leaders, we have a high calling to lead younger generations toward the saving grace of Christ. This can only be accomplished by first building a framework founded upon trust in the power of the cross.

Remembering the Value of Scripture

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I am so thankful for the Bible, God’s Holy Word! Through it God draws me to Himself and changes my life. In fact, as I look back on my journey with Jesus, the Bible stands out as an absolutely indispensable, hugely transformative aspect of my spiritual life.

Through the Bible, God brought me to faith in His Son, the Lord Jesus. On the night I was born again, the pastor who helped lead me to Christ read John 1:12 to me: “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” He asked me if I believed in Jesus and, when I said, “Yes,” he said, “You are a Christian.”

Fast forward now 43 years to the present. How is God at work in my life through His Word today? Let me tell you.

I use The One Year Bible for my daily Bible reading program and as I read through it, God has used specific verses to encourage my heart. I am very grateful to our heavenly Father for that. He knows what is going on in my life and what I need. And He is kind enough to speak to me in my need. He is good.

The Lord is helping me in another way through His Word besides pointing out passages that help me in the moment. What I have been noticing, and thinking about lately, is how reading the Bible shapes the way I think.

Let’s face the facts: we are engaged in a spiritual war. To a large extent, the battle is for our minds. Thoughts can lead to beliefs, and beliefs do lead to behavior. This is quite clear in the way God put together many of the letters in the New Testament, such as Ephesians and Colossians. The first halves of these books reveal to us truths to believe; the latter halves of the books give specific instructions about how we are to live. Beliefs lead to behavior.

Satan is working hard to fill our minds with God-less thoughts. He is very effective in tempting people to believe things that are not true. And he has many slick ways to get his evil thoughts into our minds. The world around us, the culture in which we live is under his influence. And he uses all possible avenues—the internet, social media, TV, movies, news outlets, books, classrooms, advertisements… anything.

We live in a world of ideas. We are being constantly influenced by what we see and hear. If we are passively, absent-mindedly absorbing the thoughts and ideas that swirl around us, we will end up having the worldview of our culture. We will actually have a God-less mindset.

This is where God’s Word is so absolutely vital.  We can combat Satan’s falsehoods with God’s truth… if we are immersing ourselves in the Bible, God’s true Word to us.

So this is what I have been noticing, and appreciating lately: God’s Word guards my mind, strengthens me in the battle, and cultivates in me a God-filled mindset. Regularly reading the Bible is a slow-drip way of infusing a biblical worldview into my mind and of resisting the God-less worldview Satan wants me to have.

Each morning I sit down with my bowl of cereal and cup of freshly brewed loose-leaf tea, and I read The One Year Bible. I am enjoying it! As you likely know from experience, reading the Bible is not always enjoyable or fun or easy. Sometimes it’s something you just have to make yourself do… like taking your prescription medication. It’s a discipline. However, there are times when God gives you a special word of encouragement. And, what I’ve been noticing lately is that God is using this regular reading to protect my mind and to build and reinforce a God-centered way of thinking.

Thank God for the Bible!

Tom Loyola is a senior pastor at an Evangelical Free Church in Iowa. He and his wife Sue Ann have partnered together in pastoral ministry since 1984 and are the parents of two children. Tom received his Master of Theology and Doctor of Ministry degrees from Dallas Theological Seminary and enjoys reading, running, oil painting, and a good movie.

13: Caring for Students Experiencing Abuse

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Disclaimer: What follows is a raw and emotional retelling of the trauma I walked through as a child. This is in no way written to impart blame or anger upon anyone involved. I have made my peace with this. I have asked for forgiveness for my actions and thoughts. I have forgiven others for what I was put through. Please note I am intentionally leaving names out, but know that my parents are innocent in this. They had no idea what was happening and are fully absolved from any guilt real or imparted.

Thirteen, to some it’s just a number, to others it’s a time of coming of age. But to me, 13 signified so much more.

13: The number of years the abuse went on for.

13: The age I was freed from the abuse.

13: The years I would never have back.

13: The age that I became angry and turned my back on God.

13: The day I turned into a statistic because I was abused and I survived.

13.

No one would ever have guessed that I was abused. If you had seen my family when I was a kid, we were the typical church family. Five kids, two parents, all went to church and participated. All the kids were homeschooled. Everything seemed fine. Everyone from the outside looking in thought that it was the perfect Christian family.

If only they could have seen the truth. The truth that in the midst of perceived perfection lay broken people grappling with a horror few would ever want to counsel.

The abuse started when I was young. In fact, I don’t remember a day without it. For thirteen years I was abused emotionally, verbally, mentally, and physically. I remember being told I was worthless. I remember being beaten for angering someone. I remember living in fear that if I breathed wrong I would be hurt and hunted for what I had done.

Each day, I tried to steel myself towards the very real pain I would endure. I found ways to remove myself when it would happen. I would think about life outside of who I was. I would imagine myself in a world free from pain and hurt. I would immerse myself in the fairy tale worlds of the books I so sought to be a part of. I would run and hide. At times I ran away. I tried to tell people at different times but recanted my testimony soon after because I would be abused even worse. Each day I would tell myself to “just survive”.

The hell that I endured seemed to be never ending. The physicality of the abuse left very tangible scars. My hands still shake to this day. I have little feeling in parts of my body. The emotional wounds run deep. When I see people abused and hurt, I grieve and weep. The depth of their pain I feel and it takes me back. Back to when I was young, innocent, defenseless, and a different person. The images of what happened still flash through my mind periodically and invoke various emotions.

13: I remember the day when the abuse was no more.

The person responsible was arrested that day. An episode of COPS played out at our home as the person was tackled by multiple police officers after threatening harm to someone else. I stood there watching as a thirteen-year-old boy mesmerized by how quickly it was over. The threat was gone. Removed for good. I should have rejoiced. I should have come clean. But like many who have experienced trauma my response was quite the opposite.

13: The age at which I became a radically different person.

I lashed out. At family, specifically my parents. At siblings who weren’t abused. I alienated friends. I didn’t trust anyone. I cursed God for the hell He had put me through. I cursed my abuser. In fact, I went so far as to not only curse that person, I vowed to hurt them and to kill them.

This was not an idle threat. I had planned it out and knew exactly what I would do if I could just get close enough. Even typing this out sickens me to think of how hurt and lost I was then. For years, I allowed the hate and anger to control who I was. It dictated how I responded to those around me. How I maligned those I perceived as weak. How I became the bully. How I became the person I had hated.

18: The year that all changed.

I had gone through thirteen years of abuse and five years of anger-fueled rebellion and reaction. I had also put on the easily-seen-through facade of the “good youth group kid.” I will never forget the night when our youth pastor spoke about forgiveness and loving those who hurt us. I laughed. Out loud. I was that kid. I couldn’t stand hearing such hypocrisy and blatant disregard for the hurt and broken. Love one another? Love those who persecute you? I laughed and screamed at God. I got into my car and drove home at speeds that could have killed me if I took one turn incorrectly.

The entire way home I yelled at God. Screamed at Him. “HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!” “YOU DID THIS! I WAS innocent…” The words just stopped. I was wrecked with sobs. All the hurt and pain came rushing out of me. I felt God say in that moment, “Nick, so was I. I walked through that with you. I sustained you. I brought you here.” I tried to argue back, “But you don’t understand the pain, the hurt. I am used and broken.” God replied, “You are not broken, you are MY child. MY son. MINE.”

God convicted my heart that night. I confessed my anger and hate. I apologized for my evil thoughts of murder. I asked God to renew my heart and to help me live as He lives for us: as a sacrifice. I wrote my abuser a letter that night absolving them of guilt and telling them that I forgave them. Since that time we have worked toward healing our relationship. They have gotten help for a variety of issues affecting them and we have reconciled much of our past. It isn’t perfect but what relationship is?

Why share my story?

So why write this out? Why now? This post isn’t simply a story to share about my life, it is a story that is meant to instill hope and understanding about an issue that is happening all around us and in our churches. It is a way to encourage youth workers to care for the abused in their communities and churches, to be on the lookout for those who cannot fend for themselves. To be fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters to those who have lost them.

No one knew what was happening to me. To most, I was the hard, antagonistic, and rude student. But one youth pastor continued to love me, to preach Christ crucified, dead, and alive, who taught on forgiveness and compassion. That youth pastor broke down my walls and helped to shape me into the minister I am today.

This is our mantra. This is our calling: to minister to those that others won’t. That means the abused and the abuser.

Resources and suggestions

This is a list of resources and suggestions to help you in caring for these individuals. It is not exhaustive, but these do work:

  • Listen to people. Listen to what a student says, if they talk of fear, not wanting to be at home, or they talk about being away from everything.
  • Watch your students. Watch for behavior changes. Did the once outgoing student suddenly withdraw? Did the quiet kid become rowdy and disruptive?
  • Show empathy and sympathy. You don’t always have to cry but let your students who come to you know that you love and care for them and that you hurt with them. As the body of Christ, we are all united in our love and care for each other so this should be a natural outflow of that.
  • Don’t not respond. If someone comes to you with this type of scenario don’t brush it off or have something better to do like check your phone. Pay attention and address it.
  • Prepare to counsel the victim, the victim’s family, the abuser, and the abuser’s family. This may mean purchasing counseling books, attending or watching seminars, or having a crisis counselor on your church staff. The point is, be prepared.
  • Network and build resources within your community. There are hundreds of national resources for youth ministries with this type of situation, but what local sources are there for you? Have you reached out to others? Are these people members of your church? Networking helps more than you can imagine.
  • When you don’t know, always refer. Referral is a good thing, not a bad one. You wouldn’t go to a pediatrician for major open heart surgery. They refer out for your benefit. Do the same for your students.
  • Provide a safe place to be and to share. Let students see you as honest and loving. Let them know you won’t air their stories everywhere. Let them know you always have their back.
  • Love well. Love the abused, the broken, the hurting. Love those who hurt others. We are called to love by the Father of Love. God is our very definition of love. If we do not love across the board to all then we are not following the calling of loving others.
  • Pray. Pray hard and pray often. Pray before it happens. Pray when you become aware. Pray for healing after you find out. Pray for protection. Pray for the enemy to be banned from your ministry. PRAY.
  • Don’t be silent. Speak on the topic. Speak on helping others. Speak about being a safe place.
  • National resources include: Door of Hope 4 Teens, Crisis Chat, Teens Helping Teens, The National Domestic Violence Hotline, RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline, American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and Child Help.
  • Remember to research mandated reporting for your area and ministry. Many people in ministry positions will be the first to hear about abuse and as such you may be required to report on it to the authorities. It would be wise to know what must be reported and who you should report it to.

How 7 Words Should Shape Our Response to Teen Sex and Pregnancy

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As a kid growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, I remember the “purity movement” with its “true love waits” rings and books about giving up dating. I remember the guilt tactics, horror stories, and shaming. I remember thinking that once I became a teenager I would have premarital sex and become pregnant, and that was the worst thing I could do, the greatest of sins.

Now that I’m a youth leader, it’s my turn to join those approaching the topic of sex and pregnancy with students. I think we’ve all witnessed two extremely opposite responses. Some within the church might accept teen sex as normal or okay, or even go so far as to encourage it. Others might swing the opposite direction and choose to shame and cast out teens caught engaging in the activity.

I beg that God would enable us to approach it correctly, and that youth leaders would educate and respond to students in Christ-likeness, “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). I pray that we aren’t guided by judgmental legalism or cultural acceptability, but by the Bible alone.

John 8:1-11 tells the story of a woman who was caught in adultery. The religious folk of that time—including leaders and teachers—had gathered and were prepared to stone her. Jesus was present, so they asked Him what they should do, and I love His answer. He doesn’t say any of the things we might expect to hear today like, “She’s a sinner, cast her out,” or “Get on with it,” or even, “It’s hard to abstain,” or “Everyone’s doing it, so why can’t she?” Instead He says, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

One by one, each person leaves until the only person without sin is left—Jesus. And amazingly, the only person in that situation who could throw a stone, doesn’t. But He also doesn’t leave without saying something. He doesn’t lecture, He doesn’t condone. He simply says, “Then neither do I condemn you. Go and leave your life of sin.”

Jesus’ response goes against condemnation, self-righteousness and the general practice of shaming. It simultaneously goes against acceptance, turning a blind eye, or saying “Get a condom, prevent unwanted pregnancy.”

I see two things in this passage: love and encouragement to right living. And neither look like what we might expect. Society teaches that loving people means simply accepting them for who they are and what they do, regardless of what that is. Jesus demonstrates that loving involves more than just accepting. It includes encouragement to right living in seven simple words, “Go and leave your life of sin.”

As Christ-followers, how are we handling the prospect and occurrence of teen sex and pregnancy? Are we choosing an acceptance that says, “Teens are having sex, it’s happening, so let’s be sure to teach them about contraceptives”? The problem is this view is ultimately toxic as it treats the symptoms and not the problem. It may stop pregnancy, but it doesn’t stop the destructive behavior of teen sex.

But, neither does condemnation stop teen sex. It simply pushes teens out of the church, which should be the primary place they can find help. Because as a body of people claiming to follow Christ, we should be governed by His loving example. We should take up His words of “Go and leave your life of sin,” using it to teach teens the following:

Mistakes happen.

You aren’t perfect and never will be. We’ve all made mistakes and don’t pretend to be perfect. We don’t expect you to be perfect and we won’t kick you out or look down on you or love you any less for making mistakes. (Like the religious leaders in John 8, we aren’t in a place to throw stones.)

Your mistakes don’t have to become habits; they don’t define you.

Just because you make a mistake, doesn’t mean the behavior has to or should continue. Poor choices and mistakes that are allowed to continue will eventually become habits, and these are not habits you want to form.

The Bible outlines the ways in which God wants us to live.

We obey not out of compulsion or a desire to be “good enough” for God, but because He wants the best for us. And, if we have a relationship with Jesus, our understanding of His sacrifice fuels our desire to devote our lives to Him. We will educate you on this, and we’ll have open dialogue about issues like teen sex, pregnancy, etc., because nothing is off-limits for discussion. We don’t believe in remaining silent.

There is so much more beyond the here and now.

And we want to help you fix your eyes on what is waiting after this life. We believe that knowing life doesn’t end here changes your perspective on the present. Sure, things may feel great (or at times hopeless) in the moment, but it’s all temporary, it all fades. Life in Christ lasts forever.

We want to help, encourage, equip and motivate you to live your life for Jesus.

We want to help you wrestle with the tough questions. We want to support you in whatever you are dealing with. We will provide a safe place for you to talk through whatever is on your mind or going on in your life, without judgement or condemnation. We are, after all, a family.

Can you imagine how churches would be changed if people stepped outside of their preconceived notions of church and how they think it should be and got back to just the Bible? In times of question, when the church is wrestling with where it should stand on important issues, the only place it should turn is the Bible. We shouldn’t look to the political climate, the actions of others, or social pressures. In the end, those aren’t the things we’ll be answering to; we’ll be answering to God alone.

So what happens when one of your youth group attendees ends up pregnant? Is she out the door, allowed to attend under attitudes of judgement and disgust, or told to get an abortion before anyone knows she’s pregnant? Do you think Jesus would encourage any of those responses? I believe He would champion us to show love, grace and become a people who will offer help and support. The reality is that there are now two lives that need Jesus, and none that need condemnation.

I pray that as youth leaders, we will help teens become stronger in their faith, more sure of their beliefs, and equipped to know and understand the Bible and the truth it contains. And I pray for love like Jesus, for us and for the church.

8 Ways to Handle Frustration in Work and Ministry

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Disclaimer: The following piece has nothing to do with my current employment or my current feelings toward it. This is simply a piece designed to help those who are struggling in their work and ministry contexts as I know there are times we all question why we are doing what we are doing. With that said, I have been there, I have had feelings of inadequacy, wanting to walk away, and feeling like I needed a change of scenery. I am hoping that offering some advice, encouragement, and personal insight may help those around me.

Your boss walks into your office Tuesday morning, sits down and tells you that your department met your quota and beat out every other department, but he is downsizing yours due to budgetary reasons. Oh and by the way he expects you to maintain your quota in the same time frame you just met.

Your senior pastor meets you as you are setting up for programming and seemingly off the cuff states “You and I don’t appear to be on the same mission together…we need to fix that. Oh and how did last night go?”

You just successfully ran your organization’s biggest fundraiser and netted them the largest amount of donations they have ever had. Some of your fellow employees walk over after the evening has ended and all they can do is complain about the service, food, pleading for money, and how you should have chosen a different career path.

You work in a male-dominated office where you are never taken seriously. Jokes are constantly made about how you should handle all the office parties because you’re a woman and know about cooking and decorating. Every time you suggest something that could improve your work environment, or the entire company, you are given the proverbial pat on the head and told to let the men handle the real work.

The elder board calls you in for an emergency meeting. You show up thinking you are ready for anything, but then they look at you and say, “Well, you have done a good job here. But your ministry costs a lot of money, money we don’t have…so we are going to have to let you go.” What are you going to tell your wife and kids?

Many of us have had experiences just like these or very similar. Some of you reading this may be walking through these circumstances right now, and perhaps you found yourself yelling in affirmation, “That’s me!” Work or ministry is hard at times and it drains you. I totally get it.

My ministry is my career. I love what I do. I am passionate about it. And to be frank: I have been hurt a lot in ministry. I have also been hurt in careers outside of ministry. I have been let go, I have been criticized for how I ran my team, I have had to fire people because I was told to, I have been told maybe ministry isn’t my calling, I have been told I work for Satan. I don’t offer these as a way of saying, “Look, I have weathered the storm why can’t you?” I offer this to say, “I understand.” I have walked through garbage in my jobs and career as well. I simply want to offer you some reflective reasons for why this happens, and some means to cope. Neither will be exhaustive, but my hope is to encourage you, any of you, who are reading this and feeling spent, hurt, forgotten, or marginalized.

So why does this happen? Before we get into this I would ask that we lay aside all default defenses. Yes, your boss could be the reason. They could just be a horrible person who hates life, teddy bears, and small children. Yes, your work environment could be dismal. The roof leaks, the trash is never emptied, and your co-worker smells. And yes, your job may just be a job. You don’t want to be there, they don’t want you there, and to be honest you are looking elsewhere. There are a lot of circumstances, but I want to look inward, at ourselves. Often times we tend to focus on the problem and refuse to examine ourselves. I am not looking to place blame, I am simply saying let’s take a look at our own hearts and motivations before we do.

Looking inward is more often than not a frustrating and discouraging activity as we see faults, inconsistencies, and sin. It is when we do this that too often we beat ourselves up because we see glaring areas that must be fixed, but my hope is that as we work through these areas we do not become self-deprecating but instead look at this with hope, resiliency, and a desire for change. Again, there are many areas in which we could struggle, but I believe these three are the key areas for many of us.

Selfishness

Often times we place value on our job, our desk, our way of doing things, our methodology, our teaching, our skill set, our ministry…our, our, our! Now here is the thing: what gives you the right to have ownership over anything you do? Your desk was probably there before you started working. That ministry can and will continue without you. Your skills are yours but other people have skills and knowledge as well. The problem is we are told that we deserve something–actually everything–that we want and so we pursue everything as if it is already ours. But the crazy thing is, nothing is yours. The Bible says in Psalm 24 that the entire earth is the Lord’s. Not ours. When we continue with the notion that the items of this world are ours we become selfish, resentful, and indigent with change and new ideas or systems. That is our problem. That is our heart, our sinful nature, grasping and pulling at us telling us that we deserve everything when the truth is we deserve nothing but are given everything.

Pride

Pride is a natural progression from selfishness, but I believe that it is more dangerous. Pride is coupled with arrogance, a critical attitude, and a judgmental spirit that can be disastrous to the workplace, co-workers, relationships, families, and yourself. Now some may jump up and champion that they take pride in their work because they were raised to work hard and this is America! We are proud of our work ethic. And to that I would say good, be proud of it. But where is that pride truly rooted? Is it in yourself, your accomplishments, your work ethic, your neat desk area, your ministry, the growth you brought to your program, the way you lead and teach? Or is it rooted in Christ? When you are proud of your work do you say, “I am proud because God has given me this work ethic, this job, this paycheck, this team, this ministry”? Do you call everything yours or do you thank God that He and He alone has allowed you to step into this career and work for Him, to give Him glory? These are hard questions and I would encourage you to ask them of yourself.

Lack of direction and communication

I am not talking about direction given from a superior. I am talking about how we sometimes show up to just get our job done and do not offer to do anything more, we are content to just meander along without any desire to grow, we simply maintain. This is not okay. Doing this does a disservice to others because it shows a lack of accountability. We are saying that we do not have the capability to think for ourselves and instead pass the blame to someone else. He/she never told me to do this. I never knew I couldn’t put staples in the coffee maker. How was I supposed to know metal in the microwave would cause it to blow up? This can be our mentality because we are rooted in sin. We started doing this at the beginning of time! We pass the blame and hope for the best because we are too stubborn and selfish to ask for direction! If we simply communicated and asked for help so many problems would cease to exist and we could potentially thrive in our careers and ministries.

Finally, I would love to offer some ways to help you cope with your work environment if it is truly a struggle to be there. Because let’s be honest, sometimes the workplace won’t get better. You may be doing everything you can to please God and your boss (no they aren’t the same regardless of what they tell you) and it still is a horrible place to work. So let me offer these thoughts:


1. Pray

Do this a lot! Sometimes in hard times and dismal work environments we forget to simply pray. If you have a nasty boss pray for them. Pray for that “lazy” co-worker. Pray for the janitor who never empties your trash. Pray. You do not know what is going on in that person’s life that could influence the way they behave. So ask God to help you see them as He does: His child that He lovingly created and hopes to have a relationship with.

2. Talk to someone

Go and find someone who is older and wiser than you and seek direction. One of the greatest benefits in my life is having mentors speak into it. These people have helped me grow, called me on my inconsistencies and shortcomings, and have challenge me to be a better man, employee, and servant of God. They also listen and will have your back. If you need help finding someone, ask and I will give some clarifying ways to do so.

3. Communicate with your boss

If work sucks, have you talked to your boss? Have you expressed your dissatisfaction? Have you done so respectfully, without having your frustrations come through, your blood boil, or going with preconceived notions? All of those will contribute to poor communication and lack of results. Go honestly and with a clear head. Share what is going on, ask for change, and be willing to meet halfway or even two-thirds.

4. Take a break

Sometimes you need a vacation. Time to recharge your batteries. Take it! If you are frustrated and upset, now is the time.

5. Ask yourself some questions

Is this the right job for you? What makes this place difficult for you? Why do you stay? Are you contributing to your own frustrations? What would your ideal job look like? Does that job exist? Being honest with yourself and asking hard questions will hopefully bring about some resolve to the situation.

6. Do not take your anger and frustration home

If you are married, have a family, have roommates, trust me they know when you have had a bad day. They know when work is bad, your boss yelled at you, etc. But you do not have to treat them like they are part of the problem. They care about you and only want the best. We need to learn to share our hurts, problems, and issues without getting on them for what happened at work.

7. Look to how Jesus handled conflict

Jesus spoke into the situations calmly, with authority, and with respect. If things got heated (like when they tried to kill Him), He moved on. When people were obnoxious (disciples and Pharisees), He spoke to them in a way to teach them and make them better. Maybe Jesus knew a thing or two about leadership?

8. Write a verbatim

A verbatim is a paper that you write about a conflict you are in. You write down everything that happened word-for-word in a script form (Nick said: blah blah, Tom said: blab blab, etc.). Then you ask probing questions afterward and answer them. What could I have done differently, how did this make me feel, what did I do to contribute to the situation, how did I help the other person, what were all potential outcomes of the situation, how did I respond, how did the other people respond, what could I have done better, how can I fix the situation?

I am no workplace specialist. I do not claim to have all the answers. My desire is that this offers you some hope and encouragement.

Journey in Prayer: 7 Steps Toward a Rich Prayer Life

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Prayer is vital to my walk with the Lord. By “prayer,” I mean simply talking with the Lord. I am so grateful that the sovereign Creator, the holy and only God of the universe allows me, a sinful creature, to come directly to Him. He not only allows it, He has made it possible. He has opened the way to Himself through His Son, the Lord Jesus. I like how Ephesians 3:12 puts it: “In Him (Jesus) and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.” Because Jesus died for my sins, rose from the dead, and returned to the Father, I can boldly approach God’s throne of grace through Jesus, my great High Priest (see Hebrews 4:14-16).

I want to share my journey in prayer over the past 43 years. In particular, I want to tell you about specific ways to pray God has shown me. I think of them as prayer steps in my journey with Jesus. Taking these steps has deepened my experience of the Lord through prayer.

Step #1: Committing to a daily time of prayer.

Right after I became a believer in Jesus, during my freshman year of college, I began practicing daily prayer. After I was done with classes for the day, I would return to my dorm room, sit on my bunk and spend time with the Lord in prayer and Bible study. This practice laid the foundation of a daily practice of prayer which has been a bedrock foundation of my journey with Jesus.

Step #2: Using the ACTS approach to prayer.

“ACTS” is an acronym which stands for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication. You can find these kinds of prayer used by God’s people in the Bible. Adopting the ACTS approach to prayer has helped me to understand these different types of prayer and to regularly incorporate them in my practice of prayer. Please understand: this is not a rigid formula I follow in all my prayers. Rather, I generally follow this outline during my longer times of prayer. By contrast, if I am in need of God’s immediate help in a particular situation, I do not adore, confess, and thank before I ask Him for His aid. I just cry out, “Help me!”

Step #3: Praying out loud during my personal prayer times.

This step was, and continues to be, very significant. Admittedly, at first it felt strange and awkward. But the more I prayed aloud, the more comfortable I felt. I also realized some real benefits. I was able to focus my thoughts and make my prayers more concrete. Talking aloud increased my sense of actually relating with the Lord, that He indeed was right there with me in the room and that I was personally connecting with Him. On a personal note, being the private person that I am, I need to be assured that no one can overhear me during my prayer times. That means I pray in the basement, usually in the morning before anyone else is up.

Step #4: Praying Scripture.

At first this too may seem a strange approach to prayer. Praying Bible verses back to God?! Yes, indeed! That is exactly what it is. And it’s not just some modern approach to prayer. People in the Bible prayed Bible verses back to God! One very clear example is in Acts 4:23-31 where the believers in the early church incorporated verses from the Old Testament, especially Psalm 2, in their prayer to the Lord. What I have found is that the Bible gives me content for my prayers, especially for the “Adoration” part. I also have the assurance that when I pray Scripture, I am praying what is true and what is according to God’s will (see 1 John 5:14).

Step #5: Praying “all the time.”

My point here is that there came a time in my prayer experience when my praying to the Lord went beyond my designated daily prayer appointment with God. I began to include spontaneous prayers throughout the day. Something along the line of what Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, “pray without ceasing.” Another way of thinking about this prayer step is captured in the phrase “practicing the presence of the Lord.” It is an increasing awareness of the Lord’s continual presence. This awareness can be expressed through spontaneously praying throughout the day—and when awakening at night—and when I rise in the morning.

Step #6: Having times of unhurried prayer.

I am a structured person by nature. I structure my day according to a schedule—what I do first, then second, then third, etc.—often with specific time allotments attached. In that schedule, my daily prayer is generally confined to a certain amount of time. What I have found very helpful is to plan an unhurried time with the Lord in prayer. Then I am less prone to be thinking about what’s next in the day and I can be more relaxed and focused on praying. I find that my sabbath day (Monday) is the time when unhurried prayer works the best.

Step #7: Saturating my prayer with the Gospel.

This is my most recent prayer step. I am learning how central the Gospel is in my journey with Jesus. Believing in the good news that Jesus died for my sins and came back to life is not simply my “ticket” into heaven. It is the power of God for the continual transformation of my life into Christ’s likeness. I need to evermore believe the Gospel, rehearse it, and live out its marvelous truth. And so I fill my prayers with the Gospel message, especially toward the beginning of my daily prayer time. I have memorized key Bible verses which give the Gospel and I incorporate them into my adoration of the Lord, my thanks to the Lord, and my confession before the Lord.

I have shared with you a lot of things about prayer. My goal in sharing these steps in my journey in prayer is to not to overwhelm you; rather, it is to encourage you to take one step in your own prayer journey. Step #1 is critical and so I urge you if you have not taken this step, start with this one. If you already have a scheduled time of daily prayer, consider taking one of the other steps.

Journey on with the Lord in prayer! It is a wonderful privilege God has provided us through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Tom Loyola is a senior pastor at an Evangelical Free Church in Iowa. He and his wife Sue Ann have partnered together in pastoral ministry since 1984 and are the parents of two children. Tom received his Master of Theology and Doctor of Ministry degrees from Dallas Theological Seminary and enjoys reading, running, oil painting, and a good movie.

Learning About Success from the Life of Joseph

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Success. It’s something our culture thrives off of and lives for. It consumes many of us as we struggle to achieve our vision of a successful life. It has become a necessity for earning the respect and attention of colleagues and friends.

What does success look like to you and how do you measure it? Is it reaching a goal or milestone, becoming financially stable, achieving power, or becoming well-known? Whatever it is, it always involves forward motion, personal growth, and some measure of independence or self-reliance. But what happens when we don’t see our version of success?

I struggled with feeling unsuccessful in my career when I took a part time job that had nothing to do with my field. I felt like I wasn’t doing anything worthwhile with my work, or achieving anything in my career. I wondered what God was doing, but I didn’t feel like putting in the effort to find out. I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible and find something that would feel more fulfilling.

In church, I spent most Sundays sulking in my seat, thinking about all the great things people around me were doing while my life was at a standstill. Then one Sunday there was a message on Joseph and my entire perspective changed. God completely transformed my view of success through the life of Joseph (chronicled in Genesis 37-50), teaching me that His definition of success is much different than mine.

Work for the Lord

The first lesson that the life of Joseph taught me was to work for the Lord wherever I am, no matter where that might be, no matter what I am doing. Regardless of where Joseph was, he was constantly focused on honoring God and working for Him. He spent time in slavery and in prison—places far worse than a frustrating job—but didn’t let that detract him from the Lord’s work.

As followers of Jesus, the Bible calls us to work as though we’re working for Him, not for men, because we are ultimately serving Christ (Colossians 3:23-24). This sounds simple, but it should affect every aspect of what we do. This truth calls me to examine whether or not my work is honoring to the Lord. Am I diligently and thoroughly completing each task in a way that represents my love for Him? Or am I doing the minimum to simply get the job done? Joseph challenges me to do more and be more for the Lord.

Don’t get distracted by circumstances

Sometimes the circumstances of our lives cause us to question where God is and what He is doing. No doubt Joseph wondered this as he was being sold as a slave to the Ishmaelites by his brothers. Or when Potiphar’s wife lied about him attempting to rape her, which got him thrown into prison. Or when his fellow prisoner, the chief cupbearer, forgot about him when he was restored to his post by Pharaoh. But when we look at Joseph’s life as a whole, God allows us to see how He was working through each circumstance to bring about His divine plan.

In the midst of a challenging circumstance, it’s difficult or even impossible to see the big picture. At times God gives us a glimpse into what He is doing and how He is working, but even when He doesn’t, we can know for certain that He is working (Romans 8:28). Difficult circumstances are an exercise in trust and obedience as we make ourselves available for the Lord’s work and watch to see where He will move.

Don’t worry about direction

When I look at the life of Joseph, I see that God’s way of working doesn’t always make sense and sometimes feels backward. Instead of building from a slave to free man to a leader, Joseph went from being a slave to a prisoner and then to a leader. Going from a slave to a prisoner sounds like a backward move and I’m sure at the time it felt like things were going from bad to worse. Where’s the success in becoming a prisoner? But God used this as a critical step to get Joseph where He ultimately wanted him, in Pharaoh’s court.

When I went from having a great full-time job in my career field to that part time job, it absolutely felt like a backward move. The forward momentum of my career suddenly stopped and I felt like I lost all that I had gained. It was important for me to learn that a “backward” move didn’t really mean anything to the whole picture of my life because God was using it to put me where He wanted me. This was a step in a direction that only He knew and I needed to trust Him in it.

God is always with you

This is the greatest, most amazing truth for followers of Jesus: the God of the universe is with us (Matthew 28:20)! And God was with Joseph, as Genesis 39 states multiple times (verses 2, 21 and 23). We, like Joseph, never have to face the challenges of life alone. We have a constant source of strength, help and guidance throughout our lives. And this brings me to my next lesson from Joseph.

Success is from the Lord

Not only does the account of Joseph’s life make it clear that God was with him, but it also clearly states that the Lord gave him the success he experienced (Genesis 39:2, 23). This is a convicting reminder for my selfish pride; when I think I am successful, I’m not. Only the Lord can generate success and He grants it to whomever He wills whenever He wants.

This should cause us to question, the next time I am praised for a job well done, to whom do I credit my success? Do I build myself up or do I give credit to the only Reason for my achievement? It’s important to mentally make the shift from thinking of success as me-centric to God-centric as He is the one deserving of all glory and praise.

Learn God’s definition of success

Finally, and most importantly, we need to adopt God’s definition of success, which is extremely counter-cultural. He isn’t looking for His followers to get rich quick or achieve fame status, though at times He does grant those things and more. His definition of success results in the saving of lives.

In Joseph’s story, God used all the circumstances—good and bad—to bring about His ultimate plan to save His people from seven years of famine (Genesis 41-47). In our story, God wants to use us to save lives not just temporarily, but eternally. He moves us, through our circumstances, to lost and hurting people, in desperate need of salvation. Our job is to look for and take advantage of those opportunities, sharing the good news of Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:19-20).

Dealing with Cynicism

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Have you ever found yourself to be in a complaining rut? Do you come home and talk about how poor your day was, or how horrible your co-workers are? Are you noticing you are overly pessimistic? Do you ever feel like you’re overly cynical? Or do you feel like everything around you is just horrible?

I find that sometimes I hit a rut of cynicism due to stress, work, or life in general and I tend to have a pessimistic attitude. Usually I am fairly happy and jovial but sometimes I hit a point where, for a little while, I think, act, and talk like life is horrible. I can have a dismal attitude toward life in general, but unfortunately people become my target and I complain about them a lot.

Perhaps it is because, in constantly interacting with others, my perfectionist side can easily recognize their faults and then my sinful nature tears them apart. I will be the first to admit that is wrong, but I don’t think that I or we should simply chalk up shortcomings to our sinful nature. Yes we are sinful, but that cannot be our cop out. We cannot allow it!

I have felt God crying out to me saying, “Stop! Stop talking about people. Stop seeing their faults. Stop believing you are better then they are. Stop complaining. Just stop.” But then I heard Him say something else… Start. “Start loving people. Start seeing people as I see them. Start serving as I serve. Start being my hands and feet. Start!”

If I had to be perfectly honest, I don’t like conviction. I already said I am a perfectionist so when I hear “stop” or feel in the wrong it hurts because I know I didn’t meet the requirements. I didn’t meet the standard that was set. I fell short. But then that is when I look to Scripture. Scripture tells us we all fall short, but that it is God who does the work within us and helps us to change!

Now I say all this and I know there has to be practicality. It is one thing to say “I will stop being cynical” or “I will stop complaining” but we all know that isn’t how it works. We must have some ways to combat sin. So after some prayer and searching Scripture, these are some ways I found that can be very helpful in overcoming our cynical mentality.

Pray for those you complain about.

Scripture makes it abundantly clear that prayer is important, but it also tells that we are to pray for our enemies. This doesn’t just mean someone who is your mortal enemy, but anyone who rubs you the wrong way. If you find you come home and you complain about your boss, your professor, the other company, a friend, random drivers on the road, try stopping and praying for them. Not that God would change them and their heart, but that He would change yours. Pray that God shows you their good qualities. Thank God for them. List three things that they do well.

Be mindful of what you say.

This is a big one for me. I don’t always think before I speak. I am from the Northeast originally and I tend to blame it on growing up in a fast paced lifestyle, but let’s be honest: sometimes I don’t care about what I say, I just want to say something for the sake of saying it. The Bible tells us that we need to be slow to speak but also quick to listen. So often I believe the source of conflict and a cynical attitude comes from a misunderstanding of a situation that, when we only see it our way, we are quick to criticize or complain about.

For instance: the person you are scheduled to meet weekly with has been consistently late and is always distracted during your meeting leaving you feeling undervalued, frustrated, and unaccomplished. You hear them talking about issues at home but you tell yourself when they are at work they should be focused on work and on their co-workers. But what you missed was that their mother was seriously injured and they are caring for her at their home, their car died and they have to walk to work, and their spouse lost their job. And all we could do was complain about how they were distracted or late or left us feeling unfulfilled. When we begin to listen and care about people more, we begin to be more mindful of what we say because we become invested in their life.

Check your heart.

Sometimes I have found that it isn’t the people around me who have changed, it is me. Usually I am getting overwhelmed and because I hold myself to a very high standard, I impart that onto other people without telling them. That isn’t right because who am I to tell them that they need to match my way of doing things? But it gets worse because if they fail, I hold it against them and they have no idea why I seem angry, or frustrated, or annoyed. That is a heart issue. It is pride. We cannot allow ourselves to transfer our sin issues onto others. Instead, ask God to change your heart. Ask Him to make you a better servant. Ask Him to show you where you need to grow. Ask Him for people who can honestly and openly speak into your life and challenge you.

Start a service jar.

This is along the lines of a swear jar, but you aren’t adding money to it, you are adding acts of service. There are a couple different ways to go about this. One, you could make up a bunch of service acts beforehand and stick them in a jar. Then whenever you complain, have a bad attitude, or are cynical you need to take one act of service out and complete it within 24 hours.

Or two, whenever you are critical about someone or something (like your boss or job), you complete an act of service toward that person or thing within 24 hours. Then place a piece of paper describing what you did in your service jar. How can you serve your job you ask? Maybe you bring in donuts for your team. Perhaps you show up early and empty the trash cans. Maybe you take some people out to lunch. Or maybe you find ways to thank everyone for what they do.

Serve those you are cynical toward for thirty days.

This is a big challenge, and not one for the faint of heart. It takes the service jar idea, caters it specifically toward people, and magnifies it. If there is someone you find yourself complaining about all the time, commit to serving that person for 30 days straight. Now I know I would probably find something to complain about while serving them, so I would say the service jar rules still apply as well. Kind of a double whammy, but let’s be real, a lot of us need that! So my challenge would be find a way to serve them that isn’t self-serving, or out of contempt. Don’t give them a watch to help them be on time. Instead, ask how you can help them with their workload. Inevitably this will lead to you actually caring about and getting to know that person. And what you will come to realize is that through this you have started to change.

I know this isn’t easy. It is a lot easier to wallow in our own self-pity and frustrations, to give in to complaining and bad attitudes. But is the easiest way truly the right way? Is it the best way? No, it isn’t. We cannot give in to this mentality. We are called to be different. We are set apart for something greater. Who will stand with me as we stand above reproach and strive to honor others and Christ through our words, actions, and thoughts? God, help us to be different and more like you!