It’s Okay to Say No and Set Boundaries

Have you ever said no to someone before? Have you ever declined a work meeting? Have you waited to respond to a text or sent a call to voicemail? Have you ever told your boss that couldn’t do an additional task?

If you’re a people-pleaser like me, those questions may have rubbed you the wrong way and caused a fair amount of tension or anxiety deep within you. I get it. Saying no to someone or something is difficult. Saying no to someone or something that is connected to your job, ministry, gifting, or calling feels wrong and maybe even unchristian.

But have you ever stopped to consider that the word “no” is a healthy word? Don’t we teach that boundaries within life are healthy and necessary? God gave Adam and Eve boundaries within the garden. Jesus gives us plenty of boundaries in the Gospels. Paul lays out intentional boundaries within his letters. We see that the word “no” is used to highlight healthy boundaries and to protect people.

If we see the word “no” used all the time in Scripture and by God, why are we so hesitant to use it? I would assert it is because we are in a culture that embraces and champions workaholics while it decries anything reflective of rest and sabbath.

We elevate and celebrate the individuals who sacrifice everything to advance in their career, even when that includes their own well-being or their family. We even offer people a higher pay wage for when they work more than they should. In essence, we celebrate and reward people for not resting and for always saying yes.

But God Himself set boundaries and parameters for rest and refreshment. And I would assert that He did so to help us be the best version of ourselves as we reflect Jesus to the world. What that means is we need to set intentional boundaries and be willing to say “no” when it’s warranted.

You cannot do everything and always say “yes,” because that mentality will lead to burnout, frustration, and bitterness. Instead, we must practice healthy rhythms with intentionality to protect ourselves, our families, and the ministries we serve and lead. Being willing to set boundaries helps you make better decisions and lead out of health instead of depletion.

Part of doing this means being honest with yourself, your family, your teams, and your supervisors. Identifying your capacity and limits will allow you to find where you need to set boundaries and say “no” to additional asks.

Another aspect of intentionally engaging this process is asking for someone to keep you accountable. Having an individual (or individuals) lovingly walk with you and challenge you when needed will help you to be better at setting healthy boundaries while still doing what God has called you to do.

This doesn’t mean there aren’t busy seasons or times when we have to say “yes” to additional things and tasks. However, those moments should be the exception and not the norm. We should also be willing to take time after those seasons to refresh and reset from those busy stretches.

When we learn to set boundaries and say “no” to protect ourselves, our relationship with Jesus, and those we love and care about, we are honoring God and showing the people we lead and serve what a healthy life truly looks like. So, my question to you is this: will you say “no” and set up healthy boundaries?